Demons. Okay, for real If nothing else, at least we can, we can ourselves, right? Yes. Thank God. You wanna take a nice centering breath with me? There are ghosts next door. Alison, What? is a Yeah. I thought I would start something different instead of, Hi Alison. This time I would thought there are ghosts next door, Alison? Welcome to October. Mm-hmm. .Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna give you the, the scared reaction you were hoping for.
Well, I mean, how scared would you be of ghosts that are happening in Chicago? I hope you wouldn't be scared. I'm a pretty, I'm a pretty big wussy as we've discovered. Okay. Okay. All right. So I titled the, possible talk today, uh, How to Move Closer to Your Dreamy Career or Life Goals with ADHD. It's hard, isn't it? Yeah, it is hard. And honestly that sentence is hard because it doesn't mean exactly what I wanted to mean. I meant to say how to move closer to your dreams.
When you have, have ADHD, cuz it does make it a little bit tougher, I think, Yeah. Based on personal experience. Yeah. It really, really does. And this is also fairly topical for me because this week I have been taking part in a manifestation mastery course. Yes, that's You have! That is all around kind of picking, you know, for the sake of the course. Of course, the goal is to move through life with this new set of tips and tricks, of creating whatever it is that you're trying to call in.
So I just think it's funny that, you know, we didn't take that into account when we came up with this topic, but here it is, this week, this thing that I'm doing, and we're talking about it from another angle. I like that. I think it's apropo. And I think, yeah, I think we were just kind of like, what are we gonna talk about today? And we've, we've had a lot of really fun ideas about this podcast this week. I have anyway about people that we'd love to be on this podcast.
Things we'd love to talk about, places we would love for it to take us if possible. I don't know, is that a thing? Is that a thing that people dream about? I think so. And you know, I think, that, the only thing about podcasting is. It doesn't pay you. It doesn't pay you right outta the gate anyway. And that's not something that we care about. That's, I mean, that's not, that's not why we're doing this.
The reason I really, really love this podcast is that I get to speak with this level of honesty. And, just personalness. Anyway, I, Yeah, I just, I like this because we can talk about, it's more like what you really what? Me too. I love that. And I think that people that have been listening to it and have said things to us about that have felt that, and I like Mm-hmm. We're all learning, man. We're just learning.
I think a lot of good things that happen to people, hopefully including the two of us, and all of our friends here in the ADHd20 community don't necessarily come from a place of I'm trying to make money. Like it's the things that you do in earnest because you really care about them that matter. Um, and I like, one thing that's kind of exhausting me right now that I'm realizing I didn't realize until maybe even this week, is hustle culture.
Is everybody trying to turn everything they love into a business. Hmm. Where did we start that? It wasn't always this way, you know? And, and I don't know if it was the advent of the internet that like put these things that like suddenly I had control over. You know, it used to be only businesses could do these things. And now as a person, I can stand up a website or I can go onto Etsy or I can, you know, get a big TikTok following and, and, and make what I'm good at, what I love, my career.
And it's left me personally questioning. Yeah. Am I allowed to say that here? Like, does everything, does everything have to be a side hustle? Does everything have to be a business or can you enjoy some things just for the sake? And that's not saying I don't want more people to listen to ADHd20 and to grow this community organically and to have lots of friends and for us to get to spend more time podcasting. That is not what I'm saying.
I'm saying if you go into everything thinking it's gonna be your big money generator and you're, you know, this is, this is, it. I just, I don't know if that, how that, sits with me anymore. Well, that's interesting. No, I like that because I, I think that as a child of two artists especially one that is, was, very much about, you know, the way that she relates to you, to other people is what you're doing, what you're working on. You could do no wrong.
It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter what you say or do, but it's, you know, she reacts to the passion and the excitement of what you're doing. And so, in my mind, growing up, the way that I learned is that, Oh, I love this. Therefore this should probably be something that I try to do more and more and more and more and more. And it isn't that I don't have hobbies. I do, I have hobbies. You definitely have hobbies, I make pizza.
I make really good pizza, but I don't wanna be a pizza person. You don't, I have never once heard you confess, I wanna be a pizza person. Uh Come get a Pizza Mattie! Um, A Pizza. B Yeah. I don't, I don't want to be a pizza person. Uh, there's lots of things that I love and I I would never want to do. And yet, every once in a while something speaks to me and I'm like, You know what, what if I could do this more?
I think it's definitely Dungeons & Dragons or role playing games, or, creating worlds slash building things. You know, I've, I've lived most of my life as a performer and I don't have that itch as much really. At all? Not much at all. I mean, I guess dungeon mastering is a performance like it. It is. I guess it is, but not, not in the way that I just said, Oh, if I don't, if I'm not on stage, I'm going to die. I don't, feel that. I'm happy right now. It could change. I don't feel like that.
And so it feels like there's something else brewing and I'm just kind of just going with excitements because I don't, I don't, know And that's, that's the much better way of saying exactly what I was trying to say, which is if you follow the excitement, if you follow the glee and the unbridled joy, that that's just going to serve you so much better than just following the hustle. Just making everything about making it bigger.
Some things you can do for the joy of it, and if they become bigger, on their own naturally, organically, then they were meant to be bigger. And that's fantastic. Um, That's exactly, thank you. Cuz I was not, I was not the wor no good do words was happening in, in me No good do words.
Yeah, I think we are actually saying something very similar, but you're right, We're You would not want to lose what we just did right now, which is barely makes sense for a good 10 minutes that you don't ever wanna lose. That's what you're telling me, and I'm with you. I don't wanna lose the right to, to not make sense on a podcast either, Alison, Especially with you, uh, So in, in this manifest, can I share, can I share a quote with you? I haven't shared this one with you yet.
This is, gonna be a brand new one to you. This broke my brain. Do it. When you can learn that you can do more with less, then you will be able to do less and get more. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's it right there. We're not asking to do more work. We're asking for our work to mean more and spend our time on the meaningful tasks instead of on the hamster wheel of fear and anxiety, um, and everything else that we experience in our human moments.
And that was kind of the spirit in which we created today's topic, so if we wanna get back to our roots of ADHD&D&D D&D Please do. One of the things that I had said was, how do we become resistant and then ultimately immune to psychic damage from unsavory tasks. So how do we learn to like, stop being so emotionally attached to our work. Do the work that needs to get done without letting it affect us so much. Thus leaving us more open for the work that affects us in a great way.
Because that's what I think you and I want, is to come to work and be stirred and shaken and, you know, I guess I wanna be a martini, I don't know. No, you'd be a great martini, man. Thank you. Other than no olives, but I'm, I'm a, I'm a, twist, not a, not a dirty, Yeah, I'm a dirty, but that's cool. That's cool, man. um, but that's okay. Let's, let's just do a little quick definition moment. What is psychic damage in the world of Dungeons & Dragons.
Ooh, off the top of my head, it is, it's it's damage damage that you feel in your soul. It stuns you, right? So it's not like a physical slashing or piercing or bludgeoning, any of these, you know, boom, boom booms. But rather it's something that stops you in your tracks and may render you useless for an amount of time. It also may have an impact on what comes next? Right?
Because if you don't have the mental and emotional wherewithal, then you can't think through taking your next turn or hopping on a reaction. If you're mentally damaged, man, you're not, you're not firing on all cylinders. I That was very well done. I. In Dungeons & Dragons psychic damage is harnessed mental energy used to harm others. Bing, bing. Bing, Bing. B B B. Yay. Uh, but yeah. Psychic damage.
We take it and, and I think as those of the neuro divergent leanings, cuz it's probably not just ADHD, it stuns us when we feel that mental damage. We can't slash don't take the next steps. We can't shake it off. Um, shake it off. It's, it's, First of all, for me at least, it's a, it's a much more emotional, it's, it starts psychic and then it goes straight to emotional. Like it's not logical. I get embarrassed about it. It's, it's not fun.
There's no such thing for me as a job that I can just half-ass, I can't do it. And I don't know if that's ADHD or not. The emotional reaction to something though is, And so I get, I get just so, like, my day is either good or bad. , there's, there's no in between and it's just ridiculous. It's, it's exhausting. The ultimate goal may be to not be that mentally and emotionally damaged by these unsavory tasks. Right?
But you and I have to think about like, the steps we're gonna need to take to get there, because we're not gonna start at point A and da da, nope. Doesn't bother me anymore. Um, so in the D&D world, you know, step one is resistance. So it still hits you, it still affects you, Mm-hmm. But not as bad, right? Yeah. You get a little half damage now, you know? So it's like, okay, that's our, that's our, that's our step forward.
So how do we, you know, maybe resistant in the real world, if we're tying this back into real sterff. Is we take the damage, but it doesn't sideline our entire day. You know, we're, we're only shaken up for half a day. We're okay after lunch, Sure. You stand up and you have the dazed look in your eyes and you've got like the little baby chickens and stars circling your head. Where's your sound of that for that Damn it. The, I'll come. I'll come up with it.
I'll come That's my stunned approximation, Well, Anyways, so that's, it's like, that's, step, Well, step number one is where we are of, we get derailed. If I could become resistant to the psychic damage, maybe I could have gotten half a day's worth of work done. And then the ultimate goal is becoming, being so immune that I go, It's fine. And I just plow through that work, like, you know, whatever. it, it, It's not affecting me anymore. How do we get there? This is an open ended question.
I'm not Oh, oh, oh. You don't have an answer. I'm sorry. No, Yes, Yes. That's what this podcast is about, Matt. All of the answers. We do not have the answer true, but, this idea of, having buffs, and armors and protection and resistances, Right? Like a buff in a role playing game is usually a spell of some kind, some kind of ward, a magic item, it's a term used in video games, to describe increases in the power of a game element. temporarily enhancing a player. Okay? Sure. I'm with ya. Mm-hmm.
Anyway, it's something, it's something that you do before you go and, and take that project on or do that task related to that project that you kind of like, I can do this. You know, I have been, working on something that I came up with on this podcast. This very personal methodology as far as like organization of tasks and, uh, projects and stuff, and has been really helpful and fun for me to kind of, cloak it in, role playing game terms.
So, one of the things about it that is interesting to me right now that seem to be helping a lot with ADHD is the idea of energy, right? Like you know, This is definitely not RPG specific, but a lot of people with ADHD have included that, extra parameter to choosing what to do next, how to do something next, right?
So you look at a bunch of tasks and if you have the wherewithal when you're, when you're creating them and you say, This is going to take this much energy, this is gonna take this much. And I think that if I'm like between two possibilities in a day and I haven't had my full rest, so my hit points are not, you know, back to full, right?
And I know this and I have properly categorized these things that I have to do, I can choose the one that I, I can receive the least amount of psychic damage from, right? And. That is something that is really cool to discover. And it, it's weird that I'm discovering it in this very convoluted way, but it's not convoluted to me because it, it tends to be working, right.
The other thing that I did today for the first time was pull these tasks together, number them, and roll the d6 You happened to be six. There happened to be six. But definitely going in, knowing the energy of, of what I needed to do, like, and also taking away the, decision, Yeah, Decision fatigue taking away it, I, I was like, I rolled it and I was like, Oh, I don't wanna do that one. I gotta do that one. But it was fine. It was great. I did it. It was done.
I always have an easy time making decisions for other people and a terrible time, making them for myself. So analysis paralysis is That's it. And that's it. So one of the things that I've been working through this week is, uh, in this manifestation workshop is making sure that you're in energetic alignment. Right.
And a lot of the conversations that I've been having with you and Evan, and I think this is a very, very zoomed out, very very, macro buff, is making sure that the tasks that you're doing are something that cause some kind of genuine emotional reaction, some kind of excitement that is the ultimate buff. Because even if, and I think that's what people mean, we know when they say crap, like, if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. Well, that's not, we know that's not true.
If you love what you do, you're gonna work a billion percent harder because you love it so much. But you will be driven by that emotion, by that, that almost tangible excitement to push that task to the next level, right? Yes. That's the part that's so hard to justify, especially within the confines of hustle culture, right? Because we're not, you know, it's not supposed to feel good. It's work. No, I'm throwing it out. I'm, I'm rewriting rescripting this.
So one of the exercises, if you will, that we went through this week was all around establishing your core values. Like just digging level down, level down, level down until you really get to the why of what drives you. And so I went through the steps this week and this is a, a much longer process than we have time for in a, in a podcast.
But I think it would be fun if we wanna take like one thing you want and just like drill for a quick second to see if we can get into kind of a core value of Matthew to see if we can assign that to Okay. Let's, So that way you and I kind of begin to have an idea of our buffs about what types of work we're, gonna be going after that are gonna be the right match for our energy. So if you can, what's something you want, Matt? I want to have a home with my wife.
And I, and I want that to be like the coolest us thing. Already our apartment is an extension of us, but I want there to be absolutely no hesitations. Like she's an extremely frugal person. She can be very thrifty. She does that for fun. I don't want her to have to be frugal. Like I want to just dream it up. Is that, does that fit into what you're asking me? I love this so much and the, like, you're without even being asked to the fact that you're already visualizing it. Yeah I for sure.
You This is where with, again, within the confines of this here podcast, you can be as specific as you do or don't want. For anybody listening at home if you wanna go through this exercise, the more specific and the more of what Matt just did, the better. Like, if it's a house, go room by room and talk about the style of kitchen that you want and what you would do with your bonus room.
And is there outdoor space and what colors would you put on the wall and what artwork would you adorn and, and what is gonna make your house special? What's the thing that when I arrive, I'm gonna say, if you and Lindsay weren't there to greet me, I would know that this is Matt and Lindsay's house. So this is what you want. This is what you were holding space for in your life. Why do you want that, Matt?
I want that because I feel like there are, things that are kind of adult things and there are things that , I just don't, I don't have a lot of adult things in my life. I have my own business. I guess that's kind of it. I feel like having a home that could call my own. I'm ready to take that on, I think in my life. And I'm ready to walk out into my yard and say, That's on me. If it doesn't get done, that's like, I'm ready for that responsibility. And I think, I think that would be nice.
So based on the lovely word picture that you painted us in question one, Mm-hmm. You have this, okay? It's here. You have the keys, you and Lindsay are in, you're working on making this mark. Tell me about the feelings that that's gonna bring you to have this. Okay. I think the feelings are gonna be security. Okay. I think. I think it's also going to imply something else. So in my mind, like I can dream big, I can dream super big, but I'm also not an extravagant person.
Which is nice, lucky for me. But I feel like a house also signifies a, more secure future. If it's the house that I want where I walk in, it has like hardwood floors and it, and it probably is Victorian style in my mind. But inside it can be super modern and it can have all the technology, you know, kind of wrapped within. And I walk in, I start talking to some robot. Martini time. How are you? How was your day? Welcome home.
Uh, no, but that, that I would, that I would walk in and I could just see, that it felt, it feels like the homes that I've had in my past where I felt at home, you know? Okay, here we go. When I got married, I didn't think marriage was gonna change anything. It just just didn't matter. Like, whatever, it's, how's a paper gonna change? But it really does. I can't even put a finger on it. It's just a grounding.
And I think that if I walk into the foyer of my house, that opens up into a living room with a fireplace, probably. And then the, dining room into a kitchen, a big kitchen that can actually fit more than one person at a time. Like that would be super grounding to me. Again, a very subtle difference. Cause I'm happy now. I'm happy where I live. I'm happy. I, I I have what I need. I don't need anything. And yet I bet I would feel the difference. I really would.
I bet I feel the subtle difference and that's what I would really love to have. Is that a good answer? I'm not being a petulant toddler. Why do you want that? Why do I want the grounding? Okay. I want the grounding because I feel like kids of divorce maybe feel a little bit un-moored, right? I'm gonna say maybe kids whose parents die feel that way.
I feel like there could be something I could lean into and relax into if I had the wherewithal to envision this place that was super safe and super secure and it meant a future, right? And the other year during the pandemic, the pandemic where we couldn't go anywhere, we got a Christmas tree. And I just felt this like, level of relaxation, this level of contentment because you know, parents got divorced, went to art school, didn't have money, went on the road, spent years without really a home.
I never felt like I missed anything. But then got married, started to feel that something that you can lean into like a rock, which I feel like I was missing. So to me, having a home with Lindsay would be another, level of that rock. Do I still need to answer why? So I, I, I won't, I won't, torture you anymore on mic, but but this is exactly how you come up with your core values is that you, you keep, you start with a big idea. Why do I want that? What will that bring me?
What will I feel like when I have it? Why is that important to me? And you just keep asking why. I'm not gonna tell you what your core values are. I'm hearing a lot of the same words repeated now, especially the deeper into this we've gotten most recently contentment. And that makes total sense knowing you and Lindsay and, and the type of lifestyle that really meshes with you and who you are. I'm hearing a lot about security. I'm hearing a lot about feeling grounded.
That's important for us to know, I think as business partners, as friends, is that like, these are the things that make us tick. I am swirling when I am not feeling grounded. It's probably why you and Lindsay were drawn to each other. You know, it's like all of these different things, it explains so much.
And so not to go too you know, meta on all of this in this podcast, but like, I think the better we can get to know ourselves, the better we can answer that question that I pose at the very top of it, which is, how do we come resistant to, damages and what are these natural buffs? And for me, the answer is going to circle back to What's your core to, you know, what's your core value?
so, So eventually, like if, if we did keep asking that question, I would eventually hit Well, Where you can't any further. Are there some on, on a list that are like definitive meaning like are there five and so eventually I would hit one of those? or, or. In the exercises that I'm going through, in the work that I'm doing, we've been, we've been tasked with coming up with between five and eight.
I'll share with the listeners if it's, interesting, I came up with a list of seven was what I got to and my seven core values as I see it right now, are magic, community acceptance, spirit, ease, creativity, and love. When I think about all of that, that influences and I think that we will get to the place where we are creating our best work, if I can remember these core values and say, does this bring magic into my life? Mm. Does this does this bring love into my life?
Is there a community in this? So that's a really big answer for a really big question that's probably, you know, chewier than we intended. Um, but it's also, it's also the real answer, you know, So I don't wanna I, I think it does fit in because it, it's, again, I think one thing that probably people with ADHD have at least I do, is, the inability to prioritize the executive dysfunction, right? To not know the difference between this task and this task. Right?
So You're, you're doing what I was talking about earlier with just plain energy. You are even refining that to, you know, okay, fine energy, fine, but what does that mean? Well, the energy, is this something that you're, you're going to be drawn to those core values, like you said, you're gonna be drawn to those even when you're exhausted, right? You can move forward and, and, and find those and, and get, and get to the places that you might need to be if you are moving in that direction.
And so, yeah, that that makes total sense, When I am exhausted, these are the feelings that will reinvigorate me. Not even the ones I will be willing to do, exhausted, but the ones that will then turn that spark back on. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Be my, and be my why's, right? I mean, that's what a core value is is it's your why. Like why was I put here? What is my purpose? All of those different things. It's your driving motivating force. And I think that there will be uh, intersections and similarities.
You know, especially when we talk about the ones around fun and D&D and, you know, self discovery and exploration and, things like that. You get queued up with the people you're supposed to be. And we were all supposed to play D&D together. We will in the meantime find alignment in gigs that make us feel grounded. That's gonna be more and more important I think, as we get older and as we're looking through all of these, big movements that we want to make. Right.
I And to tie this all back into D&D I mean, the whole reason of, you know, you're in a campaign and you're traveling through and you're meeting, you know, the big bad evil guys along the road and you're fighting, and that's who's dealing the psychic damage. You're just trying to level up enough to live on, to fight another battle, right? Like it's all, it's all part of making you stronger so that way you can continue the journey and fight through whatever stands in your way.
Um, and these are, that's what buffs are for. So you at the end of the day, can take the psychic damage and still stay standing Mm-hmm. fight another day. To fight another day, we shall. Thanks for getting weird with me. That was Yeah, man. That That is fun. Getting weird. Getting weird with my friend AK getting here. Um, you know what we forgot to do though, We did, We did forget. I, you know, You remember every time though.
I am proud of us for remembering this long and, and you know, I, so there are other things that we have said that we were gonna start doing along the way that fell off after one episode. So I'm Because they did not, they didn't speak to our core values is why. They didn't speak to our core values, but this one fit right in. And so we remembered at the end of the day, to do it. And that's what's important.
It was episode number nine with our, our, our sweet friend Tey, that we debuted the ADHd100 table. What'd, What'd you role? I rolled a 59 All right. 59 oh, oh, I love this question. I think this might be a Fitz question. What PC do you wish you'd created? So either like one of us that you've played with or in a live stream that you've watched. Wow. That's a good question. Isn't it. What PC do I wish that I had created? You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to go with the easy answer.
And this is strange because I don't even know the show that well. But it's just tough to beat Jester. It's just to beat Jester. It really, really is. Like Jester just immediately fun, likable, complicated, layered. Mm-hmm. It's just, it's just delight. And we're talking about Jester, a character created by Laura Bailey of Critical Role Season Two, The Mighty Nein. So good? All right. Great answer. Fantastic.
And my role is 18 If you could only roll with one set of your dice for the rest of your life, which set would you choose? Holy. moly. And this is a good question for you, because I have like four beautiful sets, but you have way more than that at this point. You've named your sets, Yeah. Well, I buy, I buy my sets in honor of my care. Like I see and know like that, that fits this person, um, or have had them gifted to me in honor of, uh, of a character.
That's sweet Um, so I think, I think the set that I always reach for, is my Sora set. So they're a beautiful set from Dispel Dice. They're just gorgeous, sharp edge resin dice, and they've got the, like gold mica flakes, and so they're blue and green. Sora is of course my little water genasi, um, swamp creature. I, do love, I do love dice. Well, we kinda, you know, decided to, to beep around and Today we swung for the fences. We did. I, I like it. We got serious.
We got, we got spiritual, we got spooky. Oh yeah. That's, the right vibe for, for October. It is, Passes the witchy vibe check. But it's not, it's really truly not that woo woo. Honestly, you're, you're asking questions that a therapist would ask. You're asking questions that friends would ask you. It's not just because you're, it, it involves like, being guided and, thinking about, like bringing things that you want into reality doesn't mean it's super woo woo.
That's my, that's my last thought on that. love that. Not, there's nothing wrong with woo woo, I mean, isn't Dungeons & Dragons, basically as woo woo as you can go oo Whoa. Woo Girl, out. Woo. Woo out Does applause have some Woo woo. The first thing I heard was woo! we go. You've been listening to ADHD, 20 podcasts that you can listen to on all the podcasting things. You can support this podcast by joining our Patreon found at patreon.com/bivins brothers.
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