These silly hats. Whose idea was this, anyways?
Um, no idea. Hi, Alison.
Hi, Mattie. Oh, for the last time this season.
I know, I know. But, we're talking about like a month, right?
Yeah, not even.
diddly doing today?
How's everybody diddly doing? We did dress for the occasion. Thank you for noticing.
Yes? Hello?
um, well,
Mmm. Mm
final episode of ADHd20 Season 2, Electric Boogaloo. It's one more episode than we did >in>> Season One, so we decided that would be a good place and way to end it.
Mm hmm.
We decided to end it with you, some of our best friends, our patrons, tuning in live. And it's so good to have you here. Um, we, Matt in true form did moments before we kick off say, Do we have an outline? Has anybody seen an outline? Looking high and low for an outline?
In the truest form. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't have one, but that's okay. We don't usually have one for this show. I mean, that's not true.
We usually have one, we just usually don't pay it any attention.
don't look at it it
All the tea on ADHD20 today. So we thought that today would be a little bit of a retrospective, looking back fondly on our first and second years as podcast co hosts,
know
and
know. It's been amazing. Yeah. This, uh, for those of you who don't know, uh, this is a podcast called A DHD 20, finds the intersection between A DHD, and
TTRPGs.
That's right. That's right. That's what this is. but if if you do not have a DHD. Or, you do not play TTRPGs, you're still welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Yeah, well, yeah, great to have you. It's really great to have You
You know, not to not to out anybody, but
Hehehehe.
several people in the comments, uh, over the course of this season, and some of last have, have, have shared with us that maybe they do have ADHD and just didn't know it until they heard the two of us talking about, Uh huh.
it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, is that in the last two years, we have been diagnosing people non stop, and we are not qualified to do so.
But everything now fits into these, these, these amazing Uh, personal discoveries that you and I have in this podcast, everything, like, now I think that my wife has ADHD, think brother has ADHD and all other things, everybody that has joined us on Discord now has
has ADHD. I have autism, or am
autism,
yeah, yeah, yeah. So
it just gets better and better and better. It's like, no, you know, but, but to be fair, I think the other thing that we've discovered is that. There's no such thing as neurotypical.
typical, Not at all. Um, so I'm so glad to be, you know, let's go ahead and get started. Make our way into, like, the clapbacks and callbacks of the season. Callback number one was the episode we did surrounding Are We a Cult?
Mm-Hmm?
I mean, I was pretty emphatically no back then, but a mere, what was that, like, four or five months ago? And I'm now, uh, I think we might have accidentally started a cult, Matt, and I'm okay with it.
I mean, I mean, is it, is it, again, cults have a, a leader. And that leader may or may not be sinister. So, I don't think we're the leaders of
the man lit up red. For the holidays. For morale.
la, la, demons, demons, demons Demons. Demons. Demons.
I'll tell you this, we are the holliest, jolliest, jingliest, jangliest demons, if that's exact. Charismatic. Thank you. Yeah, not sinister. Charismatic leader. Thank you, Jax.
Oh yeah, I learned something new. I learned something new recently. Uh, all the kids are saying it. They're like, she got riz. They got Riz. And of course I love that because, you know, charisma. They got charisma. What is your charisma. score?
a nat 20
You're a nat 20 Riz. Yeah, so this is how we start the show normally. We just kind of, uh, laugh and laugh and laugh at each other and then we're like, oh, we'll never, we'll always edit that out. And of course we never edit any of it out. Uh, there's a lot of singing, a lot of hunting for windows on your
Speaking of hunting for windows, we didn't put this on the but shall we roll for one final time this season? How many times am I going to do that today on the ADHD 100 table? I think it's your turn to roll.
Okay, good. So that means it's your turn to read. Yeah. Uh, pack
And I got it pulled up. Also, the D100 table might be one of my favorite facets of ADHd20. And we give Fitz most of the credit for our sweet, sweet D100. I helped like that much, but all the good questions came
Mm hmm.
our Lorekeeper
It's really, they're really great. Really, really great. Okay. Today's number is 49. 49.
49 Uh, and we, you know what, we have asked the one below and above, but
Oh, dang. Okay, great.
Uh, what is something that you can now attribute to your ADHD that you simply thought was a strange quirk before your diagnosis?
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Let's see. I'm just gonna go look at past episode topics. What was the one that was really masking?
Mm hmm.
not, I did not factor in masking. I did not factor in, I didn't even factor in over explaining or catastrophizing, to be
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
Those are three major things Um, how about you?
So I'll go big and small. Uh, like my big kind of macro one is the whole, the fact that I will not walk into a restaurant without knowing,
Mmm.
like, where people are waiting inside or I'll just wait in my car for my friends to get there to go in with them. Um, Yeah, yeah, that's my big one. Um, that once I got diagnosed, I was like, Oh, that makes so much sense. Um, my small one, it was actually a topic that took off in our Discord this week, uh, being very particular about flatware. There are very specific types of forks and spoons
Whoa, whoa.
Oh, yeah.
dude. Are you serious right now? I
serious right now.
wi I will not cannot use the smaller forks. I cannot use, they're just a little bit too small. I can't do it. It
That's That's the right answer.
out of me. That's An ADHD thing? ADHD thing.
That is such a neuro spicy thing. It I have I have I act I'm usually a bigger fork girl than smaller fork, but I don't get bent out of shape over it. My dad gets bent out of shape if I offer him the wrong fork. But y'all. The love I have for a soup spoon over a regular spoon.
Hells yes.
Give me a good circular round bowl my spoon over, you know, kind of the elongated oval one any day. I gosh I swear it makes a difference in the taste. And I will eat non soup things with a soup spoon just because the soup spoon is so superior. We're gonna spend this whole episode talking about flatware.
okay, that's fine. dude. I just feel so seen
been season. Thanks, everybody, for tuning in.
yeah, it has been a great, thank you. so everybody. Bye! Oh my gosh, I only, I only All right. Let's get to, let's get it to business, to business. Or,
matt, if you have like a favorite, you know, we'll, we'll sprinkle in like our favorite memories and biggest aha moments and things like that. So if you have one at any time, do the ADHD impulsive thing and just shout it out. Um, But in the meantime, I had asked I kind of polled our Discord for some of their favorite moments. there?
Yeah, I wanted to, I wanted to touch on some of my favorite memories of the year. So, one of my very favorite, I know we kind of, last year's recap was kind of, Oh my gosh, I can't believe we, I can't believe we recorded and edited and published 18 episodes. We were stunned. And, I mean, it really started as a lark. The whole thing started as a lark.
So this year I am super freaky grateful to ADHD20 for becoming the cornerstone of what is now the Pocket Dimension which includes my brother Evan and of course Fitz and now an ever growing community of people in Discord and beyond and so I Um, I love that, that ADHD 20 is a very specific thing, it's still a very niche tastic thing.
But, it, it, it allowed us to talk to people like Dale Critchley, uh, the Accessibility D& D Mechanics, uh, gentleman, who is Doing amazing work, and, uh, of course, our friend Sarah Mobley, and then Alan Bjorkgren, the dungeon coach, came on ADHD20, and he was very confused, because he had met us, we didn't, you know, we kind of talked about ADHD a little bit, and then we, but he was like, who, uh, Bivins Brothers, what's happening?
And so, we were kind of inspired to come up with the Pocket Dimension, and so, it's so nice. to be able to count this podcast as, as the thing that started it all. we touched on some amazing things this year. The concept of dopamining, which is a big thing for both of us. The ADHD tax, which, which is, it's amazing because that was one of the earlier episodes this year, and more and more and more I see these taxes. Once I did my taxes, and then more and more like, oh man.
I love, I loved everything that you've mentioned so far. Obviously, I'm very obsessed with our community, everybody here chatting away with us right now. Um, one of my favorite standout moments from the season was the time that you and I got to process some beef
Mm hmm. Yeah, you really did enjoy that.
did. That time I called Matt to the principal's office and scared him. But,
for murdering you,
for murdering me, um, I wonder what that would have looked like without this, like, would
I do
talked about that if we
I really,
show and, and, if it hadn't been so applicable to, like, what was going on? Um, would I have ever addressed that with you or would I have just sat and pouted and, you know, felt rejected and weird and bad? Um,
Similarly, having my brother on now I've, I've known my brother for 50 years almost, and, uh, and I was just. gobsmacked, um, by a lot of the things that he was, he was, he came on and talked about, you know, some very personal things and things that I didn't realize and, and ways that he relates to us and, and that we relate to him.
And I think that, I think that our Relationship has gotten better since, at least, in, you know, not that it was bad, but just in a way to, to go, right, I can go back to the episode and think, oh my gosh, right, I did not know that that was part of Evan's spicy brain, uh, things, right?
Mm hmm.
Ah, yeah,
was also one of my highlights just because, you know, he's obviously one of your best friends. He's one of my best friends. We spent a lot of time together. And I just, I loved getting to know somebody on a whole new level that I thought I knew you extremely well already. Uh, Evan, Onion, boy, that one, just all the layers and surprises and nooks and crannies for cool things to hide inside of.
Layers and layers. And then, and then having Sarah on was amazing because I only know Sarah in a performative, performance level, right? I'm in a group with her, improv group, uh, I didn't know the business the day to day, I didn't know her day job, the business socks, when she puts on her business socks, I didn't, I didn't know that.
She came and she had like, freaking printouts, it was incredible, it was incredible, and I, still have those and I still go through them when I, when I worry about myself, uh, that was, to see, to see her mind, uh, was, was an amazing thing. Mmm.
One of my highlights of 2023 was meeting Sarah after getting to meet her through
no,
When, when we were up in Chicago. Um, that was super duper duper fun and
was right before we went to GaryCon. went to a Cheese then, uh, we, we had a live, we had a live show, sort of with Fitz. That was really fun, we came back and we, we realized, oh my gosh. We talk about this thing, but then we get there, and we come back with COVID, but we still love Dungeons Dragons. We still love all of this stuff.
And that was like, I mean, that was like a six or seven year long dream realized for me getting to go to the Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha,
You can do it. I know you want to do it. Go for it. You can do it. I know you want to do it. go for Yeah.
Can I do it. Oh my god, the Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Wisconsin. It is so many rooms of just cheese on cheese on cheese. So many kinds of cheese curds. You would just not believe. Okay, thank you. Thank you for letting me. Yeah.
Yeah. that was good. You
that out of my
That was wonderful that was good. You did it. That was wonderful. Wonderful. Uh. Yeah, I mean, there's so many things, procrastinating and catastrophizing and over explaining. I feel like I've had the best conversations with people,
Let's, let's dive into a couple and let's just, if we think of other, uh, memories and favorites and not so favorites, blurt them out. Um, so our friend Jax, I'm gonna, I'm I'm gonna open up with my favorite question that she asked. How do the holidays affect your ADHD? And or, how does your ADHD affect the holidays? Do you get overwhelmed or overstimulated this time of year? By all the hustle and bustle, I know I do, uh, she says.
Excellent question.
I think my answer to this goes along with the spiritual practice that y'all have heard me also simultaneously be on, which is
Woo
Has been all about creating healthy boundaries in my life, and recognizing what relationships and people and things I do are serving me and letting the ones that are not, you know, kind of float to the wayside. So this year for the holidays, I'm not going home to Birmingham, Alabama. I am still getting to see my family because I do love my family. So let's get clear about that. I am not throwing anybody under the bus and saying my family no longer serves me.
But all that travel was overstimulating to me. In a time, in a year that I've been very busy, and I've had a lot going on, and I didn't take, I did not take nearly enough long rests this year, y'all. I just,
Yeah.
all year long. And I'm not sorry about it because I had a whole lot of fun. But I realized that trying to fit a trip to Birmingham for a couple of nights would have like catapulted me into overstimulation. So finding the freedom just to call my mom up and not Make excuses or pussyfoot around this, but just say, Hey, could you come meet me in Atlanta instead? Could we do that?
Um, so that way I can actually have like a relaxing holiday that looks like what I want it to look like instead of what someone else's expectation of, of Christmas should be. I just think that feels really good. And I don't, I don't think in years past, I would have recognized I need that and then been able to verbalize my desire for that So
I 100 percent agree that you wouldn't You I will say that you you The breaks that you did take this year, they did Not. seem like long rests. They, they were, they were still very social, and even you were trying to chill, you were not really chilling. So you, you would come back and say, I need a vacation. So I think that I was so proud of you when you said, I'm gonna just Chill at for Christmas, and I'm going to, you know, just do what I need to do.
But I, but I also love that you get, you get to see your, uh, Mom
And Dad.
and Dad.
Uh, I also get to see Fitz. We are going to go take a long rest. We have rented a house with nothing on the agenda, but walking around and eating good food. And that is, a long rest. Stomping And eating. That is how we
and eatin'. And eatin' and stomping. And this is in
the beach in
Charlestonian? Yeah. Mm.
on Folly. Uh,
yeah, just don't, don't accept any socials. Just don't, don't. Don't do anything.
We're not gonna. That's how you know you found a true friend is like the people that you can just do nothing with.
Yep.
And Fitz, you're a true friend. We ain't gonna do shit that week.
Ain't gonna do bleh heh heh duh duh. Yep. Uh, I also, uh, uh, I have a very big, a big Christmas coming up because it's brand new. Uh, experience, uh, Jax. Uh, I'm very, I'm very excited about it. Um, but it is, like, it involves flying, which is, I haven't done in years. I haven't done forever to fly during the holidays. Uh, I mean, it was a choice. It makes the most sense, but, uh, I will have stress about that. I will definitely have stress about flying. I just will. That's okay.
Uh, and then we're going to, we're going to be in a new home. We're going to be in Evan's, uh, and his wife Elise's home. So that's all going to be new. And my mom, that's going to be new. And her sister, and brother in law, and all these. So the good news is that They hit a point in the day. They They'll just say, hey, it's chilling time. It's pajama time. What is it? It's cozy pants o'clock. And it's done. Is CozyPants o'Clock? And, you know, party is over.
And I am looking forward to that, because they're very good at that. And I'm, you know, in their own home, I'm sure it's going to be the same. So once I get there, once I get there, it's going to be fine. Jax, thanks for thinking of me. But yeah, it's hard. I definitely get packing and blah y y y y, but But once I get there, it'll be great. It'll be great.
it's gonna be great. Overstimulated at the holidays. That's us, But, not really.
it is but I but for that reason That was my point for that reason Lindsay and I took Thanksgiving off We we rented a place we went out On our own. We did not see anybody. It was just the dogs and us We had we had your Charleston and on a marsh in Michigan So I think that allowed me to kind of be totes goods. Toast
goods.
which no one says. Yeah, there. Evan says, cozy pants, pimento cheese. What else do you need? Three question marks. It's true. What else do I need, brother? Dinging.
glad y'all have each other. that we have both of
Me too, me too.
Uh, Fitz, add pimento cheese to the shopping list for our week, please.
me Yeah, man. Okay, what
Um, So, uh, Mike, another one of our, uh, pocket pals, he said, I think for me, the aha moment was somewhere within the first five episodes of Season One. Here I am listening to this podcast and realizing that a lot of the weird things I do aren't really weird at all and are in fact fairly common, like having strong preferences for forks. Um, he didn't add that last part that I just did, but it fits here. And, and Mike was definitely part of the, the Great Fork debate.
So yes, we see you, we hear you, we honor you, Mike. Um, and as for the question, what's next for ADHd20? What are the crazy, outlandish, super exciting goals that you have for the podcast and as a follow up, how can we help y'all achieve those goals?
Well, you already are. number one. Uh, We have lots of goals for this year. We had a meeting yesterday. God, you've got all kinds of sparkly, delicious things. Um, uh, what was I just saying? We had a meeting yesterday where we started to talk about these goals. Uh, it is, it is a member of of the Pocket Dimension has a very big birthday, so that is high, high on the list, is celebrating this birthday, because AK's Mine was celebrated last year, um, by meeting together.
It was kind of the origin of our home brewed world, and, and many, many other things. Just playing together for the first time, and I feel like we just learned and grew. A lot. So, that's definitely on the books, but as far as, as far as, uh, what we want to do with ADHD20 and the POC Dimension, there's so many things. There's so many things.
I still, I still have a, uh, I have a short list of people that I really want to get on the podcast, and I do I was serious when I said before, I think that it, you know, the more that we go out there, the more cons we go out, the more people we meet, the more Dungeon Coaches we meet, the, you know, the, you know, we're going to find those connections. So I, I don't want to give up on that. Uh, and it really just kind of like, go to these things, meet these people. They're all so amazing.
So I would love to hear, for this podcast, I really would. I think in our first episode We had like a dream guest list and I want to just keep getting closer to that because,
because then we can find, you know, more of the friends. we, we, we love, the community, we, we want to keep it small enough for us to still get to like know everybody and play the games and things like that. But yeah, it wouldn't hurt our feelings to grow the channels a little bit more. Um, we have room, We have room in our hearts and minds, um, And at our fingertips for a few
We do. And it's funny, because we, I would like to know whether self promotion or the difficulty in self promotion is some kind of neuro spicy trait, because it is, you know. I, I am a YouTube content consumer as well, so I know that when people say, hey, like and subscribe, uh, at first it was deeply annoying, and it's something to make fun of, right? It is going to be I've said it before, I think that there'll be, in the future, there'll be so many people making fun of the YouTube videos.
So many. And making fun of us. Unfortunately, right right now in 2023, if we hit 500, then a lot of things change, and then it kinda, so it's, I get it now, you know,
Yeah, I am convinced. I am manifesting this live on the air, friends.
d
We're, we're going up and over 500 in 2023.
Yeah. 504. Five.
Maddie? Keep going. I'm not even putting a number on it. I am just expanding our reality
Uh, so yeah, that and then I think, I think a dream of mine still, I think we had it last year. Uh, this year was our go out into the world of TTRPGs and see if we still like it for real, like, on that level, and we did. We absolutely do. So, I do want to sit down at a panel of a Con. Within the next five years, I want you and me to sit down. want to be, I want to hang out.
Yep. So y'all are already, I love that you asked that Mike, that you asked like, what can y'all do? And it really, truly, you were already doing it like being here. know, I know that things like Discord can get overwhelming. I know that there's a million creators a minute asking for your social currency in the form of attention and your dollars. So the fact that any of you guys are here all in our Discord, much less plugging away on Patreon.
And that is actually one of my other, uh, asks that I do have of anybody tuning in both live and later. What, like, makes you want to support somebody on, you know, with both your attention and your, uh, and your dollars? What can we offer to patrons? We've talked about, um, Tabletop Phoenix had a great idea for us kind of building a pantheon. It's always been one of my dreams to make a platform for people who want to play on live streams to get that chance.
Um, and so we've talked about this world, um, you know, that is our homebrew world of Sigea. Opening it up and having some of y'all come and playing it with us would be super fun. And you're already doing that on the, the one shots, but let's do some live streaming together too. But what, what, what makes that investment worth it? It's an open conversation.
You don't have to answer it right now, but anytime either drop us, you know, a private message if you don't want to post it publicly or go into any of the channels and discord and start a discussion about, I'd really love this. This would, you know, uh, this, or my friends and I were talking and they would be interested in this. Um, we want to hear from you cause we have our ideas, but y'all's are probably better. Um, all right, let's move on to some more questions. These are so great.
Thank you guys so much. Um, I love this question from Galaxy Fox in our Discord. How does being neurodivergent impact character creation for tabletop role playing
Mmm. Oh my
already mentioned Dale and that was so cool. I don't even have the words for it. To have somebody who is so invested in the space of inclusion and accessibility and TTRPGs. Um, so, it makes me want to help lift his voice and others in the room like him. For me, I think that you know, we've talked about this a lot before that every character that you create is in some way tied to you, whether you intend for them to be or not. So it really is this like self exploration tool.
Um, and God, it was so neat to begin, you know, Chimericals, the, the character that I've played for the longest, she's now the one that's died at Matt's hands. Um, love you. Oh,
And she will die again. Okay.
You guys. Wow!
I'm sorry, I don't know what, I don't know what that was.
demons.
Demons! Demons!
Totally just lost my train of thought on that. Anyways, but it, like, once I realized, like, the, the problem with her, not a problem, but, you know, like, what was going on,
problem.
The problem... with
What what we, ADHD 20. The podcast where we wonder what is our What
is our problem.
What is our
But realizing that both Alison the player and Chimerical the character was having this, like, hard fought internal battle just lit up by RSD. And so, and I, so I do to that, to your kind of question, Galaxy Fox, on that note, now, as I've been spinning up new characters, it's forced me to think Like, when I spun up Benni, you guys all made fun of me because I picked Charisma, because I always pick Charisma, because I think it's fun to play Charisma. I love that Riz, yo.
Um, ew, that felt weird to say, I didn't like that, I'm not gonna say that again. Um, But what does Charisma mean, and how do we not be boring, because Charisma doesn't always have to be the face, and how do we find these levels and make it exciting and interesting. That one shot was, you know, kind of our debutante ball of coming into the live play, actual play world.
So I kind of in the back of my brain knew I wanted to play something that was not only fun for me, but might also be interesting for other people to watch. And so I think that my neuro spiciness helps with that when it comes to character creation.
Yeah. I mean, The more comfortable you, you get in your skin as a human being, I don't care who you are, the more comfortable you are, the more that you understand, the more that you realize you're not alone. These are all things that you want to, I think, you would want to put into a character. So it, like, invades your play.
Because I could, I could see where you would You know, if, if you have a, a feeling of disappointment in yourself or shame, you could use roleplay to try to get away from that, but I don't know. I feel like it was a really fun episode this year to talk about Chimerical and go, Oh my gosh, you know, not Not realizing some of these things that we do and we live with, uh, are, are already in them. I mean, I think any character I've ever created, they just have to have ADHD.
There's no, because I don't know any better. I don't know, I don't know what else to do. And I love that. I love that. You know? Um, and this, this podcast has helped with that. So that's, that's what I think.
So Fitz question number one. I love this one, Matt. Where do you find the line between an ADHDism trait to accept and accommodate with a badge of pride, and a trait that you attempt to change or mask intentionally? Where do you find the line? So answering the first part of that question, I don't find the line. There are things that I am absolutely proud about and be like, Nope, that's how I am. Take it or leave it. Um, and then there are absolutely things.
So not forcing myself to treat everything on an equal plane, I guess would be the first part of that answer. Um, my, I will share, since I just said that I don't have a line, thing I still wish I could change, there's two, um, One I'm actively working on, one will probably never change, um, the one I'm actively working on. But what I'm actively working on is the whole impulsive, interrupting, listening to understand instead of to respond. Um,
It's a tough one.
because That would make me a better friend, it would make me a better player, it would make me a better GM, it would, it would be part of everything I want to be. Um, so yeah, actively working on that. Um, don't like that I do it. Don't think it's cute. Don't want to do it anymore. Um, and messiness. I'm just a messy human. And sometimes it's funny to be like, Oh, my God, here comes Alison, the hot mess. Haha, I'm such a trash panda. But like,
Oh my god. Is that what you say? Oh my god. Or is that what your friends say? Oh god.
definitely the internal monologue. Trash pandemonium, baby. Um,
Yeah,
I don't like that. I don't like that, like, when people come over to my and all of my friends are like, Alison, stop apologizing. Like, we know you. Like, the jig's up, baby. Like, but I still feel the need. Like, if you and Lindsay were gonna come visit me, two people that I love, that I know love me, I would Like, turn myself inside out with fear of like, Matt and Lindsay are going to walk into my house and see how messy it is and turn around and walk out.
Um, the fix there is to just be less messy, but
Yeah, I know. I, I'm the same. I really am. I get it. I really do. I get it. It's hard. It is pandemonium
it
but I,
trash pandemonium.
uh, I love your answer. Is that, is that your final answer?
That's my final answer.
Uh, I, I would say it's such a good question, Fitz, that I really think that between. Coaching, ADHD coaching, and this podcast, and then other people that I have met and talked to. Between all of these things, and the more that I discover that the reason I don't like the small fork is possibly something happening in here, you know? The masking parts, I work the hardest on because I realize they can hurt other people, right?
Or they, uh, annoy, or, or, or, or make other people's lives more difficult, or Whatever. So, yes, I can easily say, oh well, I have ADHD, ehhh, right, like, but, I think the trick there is to say, I do have this, so this is going to happen, so you're okay. That's okay. Cause you can't stop it. However, how can I be even more aware of where I am and who I'm with?
And, not mask, like be, find that, find the, that actual line, you know, and ride that line and say, this is why it's happening, but I want it to be, I want to make this an easier experience for people I'm around too. Two. Right? For myself and for them. Right? So that's a big thing. And then, and then the thing that I really, really, really, really would love to work on this year, for real, is just the.
My inability to voice the things that happen in my head as, as succinctly as they are in here as, you know, I would like to finish sentences more. The difficulty is that, in my head, I've already finished that sentence and I'm on to the next one. And I, I, I think that's okay with people, around people who love me. I don't love it when I'm a Game Master and it's happening. That's where I really, really want to work on it, right? I want to be more focused.
I want to, to find the ability to say what I mean and say it clearly. And so, yeah, Breaking down the sentences in my head in a slower fashion and forcing myself to kind of, uh, make sure that everyone around me understands what I'm saying. That's what I want.
Yeah. I loved. Well, and I love that you touched on the first part of Fitz's question, which is where do you find the line?
Mmhmm.
I think that delineation, like, it's fine if I'm out here, like, screwing myself over. I don't want this to hurt other people. I don't want this to have a negative effect on my, you know, and that's, that's the thing about growth, right, is that it's on one hand, boundaries are good. This is I am how I am. I is what I is. But if that's your answer for everything, and you're like, sorry, deal with it. I'm just a saucy bossy lady.
Like, it's okay to be an ass kicker and in certain ways, but like, maybe you could soften some edges here And there. Um,
And you don't want, you don't want people to, you don't want people to make you feel like you need to apologize for yourself if you don't believe that either. That's, that's not, that's not it. But yes, we know those people who are like, Hang on, I'll just deal with it. This is who I am. I don't know why they always have a bobble head, but you know, they usually have a bobble head. And yeah, so I think, I think that's, that's great to know yourself, but also, yeah, there are other people.
Put yourself into other people's shoes. That's, is tough for some people who have not thought about this the way that we have. Because I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm saying I don't share that. I don't share that belief. It could be correct for you, it's not correct for me. So believe it or not. I know it's hard, it is hard to believe, it is so hard to believe, but I do not feel the same way, I don't, I just don't, I don't know, you know, Yeah. so that's, whee,
Insert, uh, Real Housewives meme here. That's my opinion! Um, sorry, sometimes I like to be a walking meme.
take it,
There very few things that are black and white in this world, and it's like right, wrong, one answer.
back, yeah,
Um, yeah, you're right, that I can think one thing and you can think it, oh wow. Now we're just openly laughing at each other about everything. Fitz's final question, um, which I really liked and would be a good ending punctuation, uh, mark. What was your favorite one shot or even just a regular game session this year? What about it? Stood out above all the rest. I think we each get two answers. one as a DM and one as a player.
Play a play for
It's my podcast and I'm making up the rules.
Thank you for having me on your podcast. by the way. I don't tell, I don't tell you that enough. Thank you so much.
Thank you for
Mm-Hmm,
me on your podcast.
Yeah, of course. Okay, so go. What are your two answers?
so as a DM, um, my kind of turning point this year Because I had done very little DMing coming into 2023 and, and
Yes.
didn't actually like it all that much. Um, or so I thought, and you have all changed my opinion about it. Um, I did learn and I had this realization and verbalized it for the first time just a week or so ago. I just think I'm more of a, one shot DM like I kept trying to fill these campaign sized holes as a DM and it just kept not feeling good in my body and once i realize like i just am a one shot girly everything kind of clicked for me.
But i think the very first one shot session That, like, I had a, like, I felt like I got it. I got this, like, I felt confident in what I was doing, was the Harmony of Discord one shot. I did two sessions of it. Um. I had done, I think the very first one that I had done was Battle for the Hottie Hive. If you were in that one shot, I am sorry. I had no idea what I was doing.
And I was so like, I had spent hours and hours and hours preparing for that one and still felt woefully unprepared and like I just wasn't delivering a good enough product. The next one was the Journey to the Forbidden Vault. And that one was pretty fun. Like, that one I was like, okay, like, this is starting to click. It's cool to, like, play with strangers. That's less scary than I thought it was going to be.
But, like, Harmony of Discord was the one shot where I felt empowered enough to, like, make my own decisions. To, like, come up with these kind of weird things to throw at my players. Um, I had, knowing who was playing in that session, like, I had put in some, like, funny little things to taunt y'all with. Um, And I remember your feedback, Matt, specifically, and it made me go like, Oh, I should do more of this, was around strong start,
Mm.
that's important in a campaign and a one shot to kind of come out of the, it doesn't necessarily mean come out in a combat, but you had also remarked that since I am the self proclaimed combat gremlin, I had come out of the gate swinging in that one. And it was fun. And it kind of showed you guys immediately what you would be fighting against. Um, so yeah, so I think that was my favorite, like, okay, like, I can do this.
And every one shot that we've done since has been a little bit easier for me.
Yes.
Um, Honorable Mention was the one that you and I co wrote. It was fun to partner with you on that,
Mm hmm.
Anything we do together is going to be more fun than anything I do on my own. Um, and had this idea of like, maybe we could start producing one shots and put them out for the world in an ADHD friendly fashion so that people like us can feel empowered to do more themselves. Um, do you want to answer your DM? One or do you want me to go?
Well, that, that was actually going to be mine. The Spice Willow, Haunting of a Spice Willow Manor, for those reasons, uh, I don't, I, I would not, you know, I, I know it's not a perfect, uh, it's not a perfect module, it's not a perfect one shot, but Working with you, I saw that we could, we could make something happen. We really could. You are, who just said this? Jax. You are a great DM, and you're a really great one shot DM.
You know, we haven't played a campaign together, so I wouldn't know, but you are so You're so good at, at organizing a three to four hour experience, and so I loved having those guidelines and then adding weird, darker stuff here and there and plot and, and things that I'm gonna, so I really hope in 2024 that we work on, and maybe even release, uh, a first, like, ADHD friendly one shot, you know?
I I I think that would be amazing, and you had some amazing ideas of how that would be, so that, yes, that was my GM one. Ahem.
Good answer. Good answer. Players always surprise you. It's always the thing you throw in there that they are like, tell me more about this chair.
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Um, my favorite, I've had a lot of hits, uh, uh, playing. I've had a lot of great moments. Um, but I'm going to give, and maybe cause I'm, I'm the type of person that like, you know, like. My favorite thing is whatever I'm, have consumed most closely, you know, um, I loved playing in especially part two of the Shadows Cast in Ember Tide. Um, I loved the idea. So first of all, for those of you who have been paying attention for any amount of time, you know that I am the one that hates newness.
I get so scared.
Yeah. Heh
for anything new and, and, and, and was nervous about TTRPGs Picking up a new game and, you know, and playing it for presumably the world to see. all the world, the whole wide world. Um,
heh heh heh heh
You know, and we wanted to do, we wanted to do DC20 and Coach justice. We also, it was, you know, like our first time really getting to show off our world, um, in a, in a more public way. Uh, I loved building characters from scratch on camera and like letting be part of that process. That was something that I had a hunch was gonna be fun. And it was way more fun than even I thought it was gonna
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, and you know, part one, I think we were all kind of like finding our rhythm and we were all like a little bit nervous and getting into it, but man, I felt like by the time we get into part two we were just like sprinting at that point. We were soaring. Um. And it just felt really good to, to share our world, to share our characters that we had created live, and then just to share our antics, to let people see, like, that really is what it's like to play.
Like, Evan is like That That is how Evan plays.
Yeah. That's it. Right.
What Fitz does when we play. Um, you know, and so.
And, and, that is, you know, whenever, whenever somebody says, Why, why are you not just writing a book, reading a book, watching a movie? Why are you spending four hours playing a game? It's because Evan is at the table, Fitz is gonna go try to kill some, uh, mutant, uh, raccoons, and then, and then, dice are rolled, dice are rolled, that change everything. That can change every single thing. But yeah, I mean, just, that, it just, it adds, I mean, that is life, right?
Life is random, life is chaotic, but to be able to have that little capsule of, so maybe that's my favorite thing. Maybe that's my favorite thing is just for those three hours, good game, bad game, whatever it is, you're kind of, you're kind of like putting the best of you into that thing with all the randomness and
Mm hmm.
Amazing. So fun. gonna go I'm gonna go with the first time that we played DC20 with Coach, uh, the Dungeon Coach, and I'm not saying that because, like, it was, you know, immediately the best game we had ever experienced, it was one of them, certainly, but like, uh, it was just such a, I had heard about him online, and he seemed like a swell fella, and then going there, and I just, we had played a bunch of really bad games, and I just wanted to end it. Gary Con on a high.
And we sat down, and, the, the environment was correct. It was not too loud. It was later at night and just watching him, his brain kind of open. He is a great dungeon master. He really is. And, and watching his brain kind of open up and share this thing I thought was going to be another Tales of the Valiant, another sort of 5e thing, which I You know, like I've said, it would have been great, but I think that that was very fun and I enjoyed it. But then what it then meant for us all as a team,
Mm hmm.
Moving forward. To have him on this show, to be able to reach out and to say, Well, look, we are, we are doing what we want and we set out to do in 2023, which is get out there, go to these conventions, see if we like it, meet people, you know, get to know people who are as crazy passionate about this world as we are. And he is one of those. You know, he is one of those people. And so, I think that was a high for me. And it, plus it was a really great one shot.
I will say this, it was, it was a better one shot than, than the, the subsequent one. And the one that's in the Alpha. I'll just, side note. That's a spicy take. But, his first, that was a really fun thing. It was, it, it had a lot of, Dimensions to it. We were kind of in this forest thing. There were, there were running goblins on wolves and stuff. So it was swinging from trees. I would say that that's, that was, that was a highlight for me this
Yeah. Fitz says that game was the origin of a lot of what
Exactly. Thank you. That's a way better, of course, way better way of putting it than this over explained mouth, but yes, it was the origin of a lot of things that came. Y'all out there came, we would not know you if that game hadn't happened, um, we would not have been as inspired to do what we did this year, yeah. That win for me.
Everything that you said. All of it.
Mhm.
great. All of it wonderful. Um, and also, it scratches one of my, like, cornerstones of my spiritual philosophies, which is What is meant for you will not pass you by. You don't have to chase anything. Like it's all just coming to you. And, and when I think back about that, there was no reason that that session should have caught your attention. It wasn't particularly well labeled. The, the, we've talked about this, the UX of the Gary Con signup was abysmal. And how on earth
Yeah. How
you managed to both see that it was happening, I saw your wheels turning because you and Fitz and I were all on Zoom trying to make this happen, and, and there was space and we were able just to slide right in when everything else was such a like heated grab to get seats at any given table proves to me like we are moving in the direction you that we are supposed to be moving in. We were always supposed to meet Coach. We were always supposed to meet our new friends here.
We were always supposed to do this weird shit together. Um, and like, to exactly what you and Fitz just said, it was the origin of kind of like what was to come after that, that really shaped the rest of the year
Yeah.
for me slash us.
So let's keep it up.
Okay. Do you like wanna come on my podcast some more next year?
Yeah, could I, may I co host this podcast with you next year? A couple of times maybe?
maybe? all of the time
Oh, I'll have to check my calendar, dude. I'm a very busy person.
are
Oh yeah,
Very busy and important. I
yeah, yeah. I want, I just want more. I mean, I, I truly, last, last year was, and the last year's podcast, The Farewell, was like all these things we wanted to do. I just want more of what we did this year. Bigger and more and, and, and I think there's room. I think we have room in our hearts and I think we have room in our, in our, in our schedules. We'll make room for it and we'll So, yeah, I want to meet more people like y'all,
And that's the thing, like going back to the question about like, how can y'all help? Like, yeah, this would be the goal that this becomes our focus. Like, you know, one thing that made me sad is I was looking back through Patreon and realizing, like, we just haven't had the capacity to do like a blooper reel lately, or Yeah. Morning announcements, like we want to get back to doing more of that stuff, but sometimes like we got to actually do client work And stuff like that too. Um, so,
that we're lucky. We know that we're super lucky, and we've said that we would still be doing this podcast even if we, if we never make a dime for it. And that's totally true. But yes, please, but please, but please. Uh, let's all work together to, to let this be a
I'm not saying I want the like, we need to make all the money in the world doing it. but I am saying I want to do more of it. And in order to be able to do more of it, we have to replace some, some income with some different streams.
that's cool.
And yeah I would love it if we could put these out, you know, like, what if next year we could have like, 24 episodes of ADHD 20. And I would that well that's the goal we did 18, 19 next year we are on on par for especially if we start recording in 2023. man what a favor we are doing to 2024 Matt and Alison yeah but I want a bonus reel to go with every episode
do do do do do Yeah,
those of you who are listening back now. Um,
for, for, for liking this podcast and, and listening to it and, and then, you know, thinking about it with us and, uh, it's just so great. It's the best life. Yeah.
I agree.
Yep. So, thanks.
See you in a 2024.
See you in
see you next week, but the rest of
and then in 2024, coming, coming at you,
fireworks And the
the thing, and it's sneaking through the grass, it's gonna get you, it's gonna
but the silly hats didn't fit on our heads with our headphones So silly hat.
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