On this week's episode of ADHD20, Alison and I talk about our propensity to overexplain.
It's something that we find that we do a lot. You know what? Never mind. Just watch the ding dang episode.
Alabammy, coming on down, getting on down to this little shop of horrors, Amen.
Hi, Matt.
Hi, hi Alison! how are you?
Great. How are you?
Goood
Strong start. Just like all of our D&D games.
Yeah, super strong start. It's a Wednesday. It's a hump day today, for sure. It's
a Wednesday, Adams.
It's Wednesday Adams. Atoms. Wednesday At o toms. I didn't see that many... I didn't see as many Wednesday Adams costumes as I thought I
Oh, I saw a ton in my, like, Facebook and Instagram feed.
Oh yeah, I don't... I don't
You don't do that whole social media thing. You're too cool and too hipster for that.
I'm definitely not, I'm just... Somebody put it so well the other day. My friend, Erin, was just like, look, some of those environments, not all of them, some of those environments that you find yourself in, uh, are really just other people that want to be heard. And I can't, not only am I noise to be a part of it, uh, If I do or say anything with any kind of, you know, ulterior motive,
hmm.
it doesn't really go anywhere anymore, right? Like, social media doesn't really, it doesn't move any needles. It's, it's, it's really just... noise on noise. So I I'm not I'm not anti social media.
It's interesting, though, that you mentioned this, because I was having a deep shower thought about this yesterday. Do you want to go ahead and swallow that real quick?
WUOOOOH! We need to write we need to keep and write down deep shower
Deep shower thoughts
Is that a real thing? Is that a thing? Is that meme?
You not do your best thinking in the shower? Because I only do thinking in the shower.
I just haven't heard that actual phrase. Deep shower thought. okay. Like, it's a
Now it's out in the world. So last night's Deep Shower Thought, I was actually thinking about exactly this, about my relationship to social media and cleaning up the parts of social media that really bum me out and stress me out. And, like, the people who vex me the hardest on social media. And here's what I realized along these lines, synchronicity, Matt, it's, we can all be the center of our own universe. I want you to be the most important person to you.
I need to be the most important person to me. That is great. That is, honestly, the highly evolved thinking we should all be moving towards is that, like, prioritize yourself, take care of yourself, make sure that you're getting the sleep and the rest and the food and the exercise and the friend time and all that stuff that you need. You shouldn't have to worry about that for me and vice versa.
The people on social media who just make me cringe the hardest are the people who expect to be the center of everybody's room.
Yeah.
And that's what social media has become. So, you can come on social media and you can say, this is important to me. Pay attention to it. That's fine. But you can't come into the room and say, this is important to me and therefore should be the most important thing to you too. Nobody cares that much about you. And that's okay.
hmm. That that is no, that is exactly what Erin's, uh, and her husband Matt's point was, was this, they were talking about how, there is a there's an ability now, okay, we're getting too deep into this so
Go for it. Nope. Nope. Keep going.
There's an ability now to shut down any actual conversation by weaponizing therapy by weaponizing certain words right to say You're attacking me. Um, I am, I feel unsafe. I'm not saying that that that there are not situations where that is absolutely valid and necessary, but now in all situations. It's being abused, right? Like, it is absolutely being abused. You're attacking me? No, wait a minute, I'm really, truly not attacking you. I, I remember when the internet had discourse.
And conversation. I'm not saying it doesn't always. I'm not really, really not. I'm just, I love our Discord. Speaking of which, we have a beautiful Discord server.
Early in the episode today getting on it. I love it.
Come on, it is, it is, and that's why I... That's why I spend more time on there and even, even that gets, gets, when I'm super busy, even that gets pushed, uh, aside that I don't want to, but, um, I care about what those people say. I'm interested in what they say. If we disagree, um, it's okay. And everybody knows that. And, and no one, it's a safe space and to begin with, but you know, Facebook just isn't, it isn't a safe space,
Well, and what I realized, I think, I think I finally homed in on what I like about Discord and why our Discord, because I've tried other Discord servers in the past, and I get lost,
Mm hmm. Yes.
Once I kind of made a pact with myself. And again, this was like me centering me, me prioritizing me, but not expecting anybody else to. I do not feel any need in Discord to catch up.
Mm hmm.
And I feel And that's, I've been trying, especially when, like, I give people a link and say, join our Discord, I will now give them that speech of,
Yes, you do good. You do, do, do good about
Don't catch up, don't catch, just, if you see a topic that is fun for you to talk about, start talking about it, and when you don't want to talk about it anymore, stop. That freedom exists on Discord in a way I feel like doesn't exist, and to your point of weaponizing on social media, man, we really are ranting about nothing on topic, and I don't care, I give no bothers. Um.
Yes.
One of my least favorite things is when somebody's like, you know, Oh, I didn't know that you got that job, or that you, you know, moved to a new house, or, well, I put it on Facebook. When did the expectation come that that was going to be our primary method of communication with one another? Stop that. If you're doing that. If that's your knee jerk reaction when somebody says they didn't know something big in your life.
Use that as an opportunity then to engage and connect with them about that big thing and celebrate it then in the moment instead of trying to make them feel bad because they didn't read it on a Facebook status. I used to do that too. I will say as somebody who was highly guilty, I used to get mad at Matt. I'd be like, I put it on my Facebook. You didn't see it.
Yeah. It's okay. It's okay.
You forgave me. You got
I did so quickly, so easily. Um, but yeah, it's, it's going to, it's going to settle out. It's all going to settle out. You know, I believe that children are the future.
The kids are all right, as we pointed out many times on this
The kids are ok!
which, by the way, is called ADHD20.
YES! It is called that.
it's a podcast that tries to find the intersection between ADHD.
And TTRPGs!
And I guess with that being said, now we can dive into the topic at hand, but I
Let's do it!
kind of, kind of liked having this little rant moment with you.
We're We're allowed to rant. We're allowed to rant.
We're allowed to have to
Yeah.
Um, so before we get into the topic that we actually have lived ourselves here in the past week, and both have this very synchronous like, Ooh, that's what we should talk about. Um, I guess it's time to roll some D100s. So I have my pretty dice here. Yeah, I'm going to show off my dice. These are by, uh, one of my favorite makers, Maze Designs. They're, they have like a little galaxy inside. I just love them so much.
Oh my god.
Let's give them a little rolly rolls. Okay, number, ooh, we got a big old number, a 96.
A 96. Oh This is a new one. We have not been we have not asked this one before
us.
So Alison you get a steed
Yes.
What fantastical beast are you choosing?
I'm going to take everybody by surprise with this. I've been waiting for this question to come up because you all think, I know what you're thinking right now, you all think I'm going to choose unicorn.
I've I've heard tales of it being sparkly
Yes. And I love a unicorn and no shade to unicorn wannabe riders. You know, if I could that, that it makes the shortlist for sure, but it's not my choice.
Okay,
Chimera.
Oooh, Chimera.
So, for those of you who don't immediately know, a chimera is a fantastical beast that has the head of a lion, a goat, dragon.
Mm hmm.
And I just like being represented by three different facets. I feel like, you know, it's kind of three for the price of one, you know, like I get a steed, but like three new friends.
Now, normally they are gifted with demonic cruelty, that's my only worry for you, but I'm sure that you have the ability to charm
Yeah, they're just misunderstood.
Yes, Chimera, Just misunderstood.
They just need somebody to talk to. They have some trauma that they haven't worked out and I feel well positioned to help. What about you, Matt?
What would I ride? Ride? Uh,
Climb up on my faithful steed. Mmm.
I have always been partial to the Griffin. Um, however, I have been watching a funny animated show called Krapopolis. One of the main characters is played by phenomenal British actor Matt Barry, who's also in What We Do in Shadows and and hundreds of other things. He plays a manticore god kind of thing. It's really funny. He's fun. It's like cute. So it has a vaguely humanoid head, the body of a lion, which I just think would be real cozy and, and, and, and then the wings of a dragon.
So they're probably related in some way.
I feel like our steeds are buddies. Yeah.
Hmm. Mm
That checks out. And I like that.
Yeah. Yeah, so that's we both want like evil misunderstood creatures
That also
spiky things and kill and kill and kill and
I mean, I'm not mad at a chimera or a manticore protecting us, you know, like, it's cool that you can kill in one swipe or
Yes. Hell, yeah go
But I don't want that to be your default, okay? I, you know, I want you to try and talk it out first and then if we have to resort to violence,
Yes, I love it. Well good. That's a good answer. Yay
um. I really want to write like a, like a children's series now, like Mattie and the Mantacore,
Oh man, that would be great. You know we have to do. So, so we've, we've recently had the idea, um, as we have many, many ideas that may or may not ever come to fruition, but that's, that's why you're listening. Isn't it, listener? Isn't that why you're listening? But one, one that we've had is, is to, you know, uh, dip our toes into the, into the world of you know, publishing the adventures that we have, uh, that all of you could be a part of if you join our Patreon.
We've been, AK really has been writing, um, these delightful one shots and, uh, I, I joined in this for this last one and it was so fun.
All the better for it. Mm
And well, thank you for that. But I think that we make a good team no matter what. And I think this could be a really fun thing for us to do. Our goal is, of course, to have have the ADHD brain in mind, right? I'm not trying to give too much away about this idea. But anyway, the idea, what if we had, what if we had some that, uh, that featured, uh, Chimera and, uh, a Manticore.
I love that. But as friends, not as foes.
Yeah, yes. Okay. If you're interested, let us know. We'll get it right on it.
I love it. Yeah. And it was that was one of the things I was going to talk about today was how much fun it was to work on that one shot with you and like to, you know, take the best parts of both of our brains and kind of mold an actual story that so far has been done three times by three different groups.
Yes.
We're lucky say so. And each differently.
Yes, and each very, very, very different outcomes, which is the name of the game. But yeah, this is a pretty good segue, Alison, because You and I really do work well together. Little to no script today. I think we're relatively good at listening to each other. So one thing that you we've let go of, as our friendship developed, is the need to over explain to each other, right? Which is a constant, endless feeling that our brains deal with.
Honestly, even if you do get to know someone, sometimes over explaining is necessary to make that particular relationship work. You and I kind of get there real fast, right? Oh my god.
Locked and loaded, Mattie!
No, I was just like, wow. I mean, it's not like you can read my brain or anything, but we have discovered that there's a whole lot less of misunderstandings. For whatever reason, right? Uh, and, and, uh, that is not always the case. And especially with people that are new to us or
In fact, we have discovered it on while recording this very podcast, that I have gotten so fluent at speaking Matt and Matt has gotten so fluent at speaking with Alison that sometimes we don't actually complete a thought and don't realize it until we're in post production. It's like, Matt didn't finish that sentence, but I knew exactly what he was saying, so I didn't push him on it. And so, in some ways, it actually is a downside to be that level of comfort with somebody.
Because like, sometimes you do just need to end the sentence and not go, you know, and I go, yeah, I do know. Anywho, you know, um,
you
and
Oh, yeah. Mm.
Trusty, trusty cohorts, Partners in Crime, Evan and Fitz, Mm, Johnny on the spot today.
Hey, hey.
They, they have their own language sometimes.
do. Mm-Hmm.
They, they pointed, Evan especially pointed this out to us that like, you know, sometimes when we're recording in The Pocket Dimension, do y'all know that you don't complete a thought? We've had to sheepishly be like, yeah, we're
Uh, most of my thoughts, most of my thoughts are not completed. Right. I mean, literally. I mean, it is. That's another, that's really kind of another topic is, is the brain voice connection, especially with me, I was made fun of it just yesterday. In fact, But it doesn't hurt me because I understand. I mean, I really, I can hear myself doing it. I know it's happening. It's not like I think that people understand me. It's either charming or completely annoying.
So that's up to you, dear listener. But yeah, Um, but yeah, make up your mind. Get on which which side of the which side of the line are you?
To tie this back into social media, open up any, you know, insert social media platform here, X or Threads or, you know, Instagrams, reels and memes. And we noticed that there are all of these, you know, like the ADHD urge to write a sentence with eight sets of parentheticals. We're always doing that. I do. I noticed myself doing it.
You know, we write these long sentences and then like put a pair, you know, put something in parentheses after that to clarify just to make sure, just to make sure that you're reading this in the tone, you know, I like it. I will literally, it's like writing stage direction sometimes, you know, like I will write a long sentence and then parentheses after it be like, she says with a smile. So you get that I'm trying to be funny or sarcastic in that moment. Um, and, and I catch myself doing it.
I catch myself using a lot of em dashes, parentheses, colons, semicolons, commas, just running the gambit of punctuation in an effort to communicate my thoughts in writing. And go. Go. Go.
I'm going to say I'm going to yes and that and I'm going to make a very bold statement. I would say that unless you are a professional, editor in a, in a, major publication firm, or you have ADHD and you love over explaining, I would like to show of hands. The people that know the Mac keyboard, shortcut for em dash and proper ellipses show of hands. I guarantee you have ADHD. I am. I would.
I would almost guarantee that you have ADHD because who else is going to care enough to get the proper em dash and the proper ellipses that work in code stuff and who would memorize that so that it is so. Ingrained in your fingers. I think you probably should go and to your doctor and see Because you're probably over explaining. Uh, yeah, side note
You know what? That is interesting. That's probably one of the most, asked questions we get is what's the diagnosis process like? How do I know if I need to chase a diagnosis? We should start like a compendium of you might be ADHD if, but if you know command shift hyphen is an em dash, you might be ADHD.
Yeah,
We are not medical professionals. We are not here to diagnose. We are not here to dispense anything that even resembles advice, but if you know that shortcut.
Yeah, I don't know
Go.
Yeah, go
Stop listening to this right now. Come back later.
For real for real. So anyway,
Yeah, so we we we ran into a situation last week where we both Matt and I felt ourselves over explaining, um, you know, in that moment of like, I felt that I had tripped up, I felt that I had done wrong. And so then instead of just like offering a sentence of clarification, I wrote, platitudes.
mm hmm.
And so we just thought we could have a fun little conversation about what why why we send paragraphs when sentences will do
Why paragraphs, yeah
Why we send sentences when words will do.
Mm hmm.
Um, why? Is anybody ready to answer this? We're not. I mean, of course, we looked up a couple of things. My knee jerk reaction before I looked anything up was that I was like, as with a lot of things that we have talked about lately, it has to be tied to RSD, right? That constant overwhelming feeling of not being seen, heard, or understood. Um, and so maybe like if I could just explain this to them with a cool enough head, they will know that I am not being emotional about this subject.
Has literally been my internal monologue for my entire life, starting in childhood. If I could just get them to see the point I'm trying to make instead of the point they've decided to take away, maybe they won't call me dramatic this time.
And it's funny because over explaining is not even this is not always to someone else either. Like I went I went I went to a meeting yesterday. It was a great meeting. I was not nervous to go to this meeting. It was it was a couple of really genuinely great dudes that that we have become kind of, you know, mentors to us great salespeople and you know, just business people. And we, we had lunch. We, you know, we had a beer. It was, it was, we were just chatting.
There was nothing, but I went away from that meeting still, because I can't not, right? The RSD is so strong within me, right? Like it is. And I could hear myself just bblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl. I hope that was okay, you know, just talking and talking and talking and talking and Lindsay was like, how did it go? How did it go? It was great. It was great. Do they think I'm a clown now? I mean, what should I've gone there with my my nails painted?
Do they think that green hair is just totally unpro-? I'm just on and on forever. And so yeah, I mean, it's not just to other people to ever explain. It's also
It's a constant battle where we just replay the scene over and over again.
Yes.
It's tied to RSD. It's apparently it's a trauma response, which kind of to your point, or like everything is a trauma response at this point, right? We were all traumatized in childhood. We all were. It's fine.
And it's
It's okay.
Yeah, it
You're allowed now, you know, healing and moving forward.
Yeah.
did in the quickest amount of reading I did do on it. So this won't apply as much to you, but it definitely applies to me. It's a sign of a lack of impulse control
Mm hmm.
That I just can't stop.
Yeah, it doesn't apply as much, but I mean it certainly does. I've done it. I caught myself doing it in this in this conversation already once, so it is I am not immune, of course. But yeah, just to fill, fill silence, to just, yeah, who's being quiet? I feel like I just like, yeah.
Is that something you do, Matt, though?
To me, um, it kind of depends on the situation. It's so funny, because maybe going back to trauma response, I will say, you know, when I was in the rock band, but you could, you could apply it to any friends that you have, friend group that you have, like, maybe moved on from, but then you revisit and you come back. I, I tend to have different roles. I play different parts, depending on where I am and who I'm with. So with with the rock band?
Yes. Yes. I was far, far, I was that guy to fill every silence because it was, it was a relatively silent kind of dude like group of dudes, right? Like to, and.
I feel now you're talking about specifically on stage,
and
And stuff. Okay.
And banter. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Oh banter but then fast forward to my stint as an actor and I did not say a word. In fact, they they actually multiple times my fellow actors in the in the you know, the dressing rooms would say You're not much of a talker. Are you?
You don't, you don't, you're the, you're the silent type, no one has ever said that to me, no one has ever, but it's just that they, that's what, that's their role, they were, and they were doing a fantastic job, and uh, so yeah, I, I, it depends on where I am, but yes, uh, Impulse Control is definitely part of it, mhm,
I just, I feel like I just learned something new about you.
Mhm
I've never noticed you filling spaces with anything other than purpose and intent, because as we've talked about before, you are so good at kind of mining for what truly lights people up. You're good at that part of the conversation.
Yeah, I, mhm, mhm. I am, so one, one thing that is, I, I don't know whether I've just gotten better at it, or it was never as much of a problem for me, but listening,
Mm hmm.
uh, I am, I am sure is, is a struggle with a lot of people with ADHD. I'm pretty good at listening. I'm pretty good at being aware and listening when I need to, you know, with, with some caveats, of course, but, but, but generally I can, so I'm very, I feel very lucky, very blessed, hashtag blessed, that I can, that I have that ability, because I know it's a, it's a very difficult struggle for a lot of people, but, uh.
I, you know what, and I've said this before, but I, I think, I think a lot of it is being married to a deaf person. I think a lot of it of my training, my learning process, you know, I can't fill spaces with her.
Mm hmm.
You have to, and listening, of course, but I, you know, if I say anything off the cuff. You know, when I was in high school, my best friends, thought we were so funny because we had this like, under our breath, you know, banter. Constant patter like things that was a quick witted, you know, stream of consciousness stuff, you know, that has to that had to go away with Lindsay. It had to. It only confuses her to shuts down all communication if I do that. So maybe maybe that's a part of it.
A big part of it.
I think you're onto something with that, which is segueing us into the, how do we combat this?
Mm.
I think, obviously, I think situationally, you had a reason to learn. I think, though, and this is a brand new thought that I just had in this moment, so pardon my impulse. I wonder what the tether is instead of, you know, my knee jerk reaction was to tether it to RSD, right? Because that's the answer for me for everything. Oh, well. What if it's more tethered to masking, though? I think you're onto something with the over explaining fills the spaces where you're uncomfortable.
Mm
When you're feeling like you're not being heard and understood, it's uncomfortable. And so you immediately want to reach out to that other person by way of run on sentences and parentheses and, and, and clear that air. Um, wow.
Yeah, that's a good Theory.
My very first therapy session, like, as an adult one of the very first things that my therapist told me in the very first session was I need you to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Mm.
There is no way around some things like some things you just have to go through. So when you're going through a really hard part of your life at the time, I was going through a really, really bad breakup. Um. you know, she was like, I need you to learn how to sit with it, you know, and that's been like my own practice as of late is to become the observer in my own life. You know, we've talked about this as it relates to meditation, where like meditation is not the act of quieting our mind.
It's the act of learning to sit with our thoughts and observe them and let them pass through onto their next destination. Um, and I think that that there's a tie in here for that, that the, that the over explaining is the masking part of me. Interesting.
Interesting. Uh, yeah, I can de definitely get behind that.
Weird.
Ooh, love it. I'd like to, so in, in a little dip before we get into what we can do to quote unquote, combat this Uh, Bringing it to Dungeons and Dragons real
Oh, yes, please.
We have a long, long running group of, you know, favorite people that we play with almost every Sunday or Monday. And, uh, we are in Barovia, as we've said many times. Uh, we, we, we have a character played by Fitz, uh, named, and... they are a cleric, and they have a low charisma score, um, and, and what's amazing about Fitz in this, in this way is that... And side note, this is, this is why Fitz is so freaking good at being a player.
If you have a, if you have a high Charisma score, Charisma attribute, in Dungeons and Dragons specifically, you can be typically a Bard or a Warlock, and then someone might put a badge of Face on you.
Meaning you're the one who's going to be doing most of the talking in, in social encounters, and you're going to, you know, you're going to do and, and you're going to be the most charming, and when you roll and you try to influence people or deceive them or something, then you're going to have a higher, higher level of success. Well, uh, in, in Fitz's genius, she absolutely plays against that type. And so her character, Ash, is the one that speaks first and speaks the longest.
And it is uncharismatic. It works because they're always trying to push their own weird agenda, usually political. It's like this weird searching for utopia all across Barovia. It's just, it's really hilarious. And This is just really amazing and making that happen. So my, my instant thought there was, what is, what is that about? Is that, is that Fitz's homage to what we're talking about this over explaining?
Is she implying that maybe Ash does have ADHD in that way, in that over explaining, impulsive way of just being the person that needs to fill that silence in every situation?
Well, and we've talked about before that there are, you know, certain tenets, traits, characteristics that ADHD has cornered the market. And then there are others that are just a facet of either being neurodivergent as a broad term, or
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Or human. So, so narrow. So narrow.
I I'm not going to lie to you. There have been conversations as of late that have made me seriously question, am I on the autism spectrum?
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Like what I've been processing in my head for the past 41 years, I feel like I'm now seeing with new eyes in some ways. You do not have to be socially awkward to be autistic. And if you are autistic, it does not mean that you are socially awkward. But there are times as I, and this comes from the awareness, like I'm trying to be more of an observer in my life and be more aware of myself, my surroundings, how I make people feel, what my energy is doing.
Um, and I'm like, as I'm observing myself, I'm like, Oh God, you came off a lot more harsh or over explained or, you know, any of these things. I'm like, am I autistic? Because there's a lot out there about, uh, I don't even know how to say it out loud, but like on, like, A U D H D, like, basically people who are autistic and have ADHD, and
Mm
to tie it all back to masking, it's very prevalent in women,
hmm.
all of these different things, and then to tie that all back to Ash and D&D, when you think that you're the face, But you're not the face. And then I have these moments of like, Oh my God, is that me? Like all this time have I thought like, I'm, I'm charismatic. And I'm like, Oh, no. And I'm not asking for like, there there nows on this.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I look, we can be very clear about that. We're not trying to infringe on someone else's neurodivergent brain by saying any of these things. I truly believe and I can be proven wrong. And other people can argue this. So that's fine. It's just my opinion.
But I really believe and hope that they're going to find the that intersection, and and discover that autism, ADHD, OCD, these other because they can't again, they can't really properly map the brain and why, you know, they can't, we haven't gotten there yet.
But when we do, which again, will hopefully be in our lifetime, I feel like they're gonna have a better name for ADHD, which is still, worst name ever, they're gonna have a better name for Autism and Spectrum ness and all of it, but yeah, I mean, yes, I'd say, I don't think, I think you're
Well,
just speaking the
And like, again, I'm not, I'm not sharing this so that people go, Oh, Alison, there have been multiple people now in our darling Discord that I love so much, and I love everybody in there, and I love everything everybody said, but multiple people have used the word intimidating to describe me. I don't get it. Like, and I, and I, and I would be willing to hedge a bet that the people who have gotten to know me since saying that probably would now be like, no, no, no, dude, she is squishy as hell.
Um, but the fact
Squishy I
am all nougat. Okay, but clearly there is something about the way I am presenting, especially to strangers that is. So I'm not saying anybody is wrong. I am saying I don't understand. And there's a big difference
We don't
in calling somebody wrong and saying, I don't get it. Um,
Interesting.
I wonder if that, if that is, uh, again, a facet of masking, if that, and, and I, you know, keep tying this back to Ash, where like, Ash thinks they're the face. I thought I was highly charismatic. And it turns out I'm just an overexplaining, you know, try hard sometimes that gives a vibe of intimidation. And, and to your point, also in D&D, something I personally have been trying to play with and push levels on. So in D&D, this might be a stretch.
Y'all, we can cut this or y'all can tell me you didn't like this part. But in, in D& D, Everything that you do is tied to one of six ability scores. They are Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, um, and when you're building a character, you kind of usually pick, you pick one of those to be your dump stat, as we call it, like, I don't care about being strong or dexterous, and you pick one to be your, like, I'm going to build my character around these.
And so, like, I always pick Charisma. And we were building characters on The Pocket Dimension Live a couple of weeks ago and building a new character. And I picked Charisma as my high score. And everybody in the chat's like, okay, Alison's building another high charisma, you know, character, something new and different. And I've been pushing myself since then to figure out the character's name is Benni. How will she be charismatic in a different way? How will she not be the face?
Because that is everybody's very tropey understanding of charisma. But can you be charismatic in the way that Ash is? Can you be charismatic? And so I've, I've, I've kind of figured, I don't want to, I don't want to, um, spoil anything for those who are going to tune in to see how Benni plays out. But I've, I spent hours on a drive recently thinking about like what charisma, all the different ways that you can play a charismatic character, basically.
Yeah. I love
Wanted to talk about over explaining and said, we're talking about charisma, but I think that
What I do think they I do think that they, um, they fit together, because we all know people like that. We know, we know the people who are, what do we call them? The cards, the hams, the, you
Jesters, Class clowns
The jesters, the class clowns, and we love them, too. Right? We are, we are actually filling our roles as Faces at those moments, you know. Are we over explaining as we go? Are we trying to get the laugh or whatever we're trying to do? Yeah. Yeah. So if we were to need to combat it, what are some ways to do so? And we have we have pointed out that over explaining is has different forms, right?
Sometimes it's just blabbermouth, or, you know, and then sometimes The thing that I really have a really difficult time is in writing, Mm hmm. Mm hmm. in writing, is how to, how to be more succinct, how to be more, you know, concise, how to not over explain. Um, there is something that I did just yesterday. Uh, so my favorite, task manager, um, project management PKM app is called TANA. But, you could do this with other things. You could probably do this with Notion.
You could probably do this with a lot of things. They, they allow you to take chunks of text and then build what they call commands.
And one of those command abilities is to use AI, like chat GPT or something like that to, you know, either write sub tasks if you have a task you don't know how to break down or you can do anything you want Anyway, I created a command called Un-ADHD-ify And I, in the prompt is basically I want you to take this brain dump this noise that I have spoken into it or written or written this transcription and I want you to make it clear, concise, I want you to find the points of what I'm trying to say
and spit them out to me. And I think, you know, pro or against AI, that is, that is genuinely, I cannot imagine anyone finding a fault in using it in that way. These are my words. These are my over, my, my over worded paragraphs. And I am then asking AI to find the core of it. And just remember this is something that I deal with every day all the time. So I am constantly being asked what the hell I'm talking about because I'm over explaining things. So that's one way. Un-ADHD-ify stuff.
I love it.
Yeah? How about you?
My answer is just get more Matts in your life.
That's also true!
Get
I mean, why
More people who, who listen to understand instead of to respond, get more people who you feel secure enough about to remove the mask and stop the over explaining, which, you know, like that, that's a very, you know, I know I'm saying that in jest, but, you know, it's part of all of our growth is making sure that we're surrounding ourselves with the right people.
And also working on yourself, um, helps because, you know, in that moment of getting comfortable being uncomfortable in that moment of am I filling silences or am I actually adding value to this, to this room, um, I think helps. Awareness and
it's definitely taking a breath before I say something sometimes. So, like I've, like I've said before, physically, put my mouth.
Well, usually can't see you except for
hmm. That's true. That's true. But yes, and I mean, in public situations, I have to go, mm hmm, okay. Well, please wait until she's finished. Okay, now I'll say something, you
I probably need to do that. I need to try one out for sure.
Yes have more Matts in your life, have more Alisons in your life but also we do really want to find the ways to communicate in the most efficient way with the people that do not share this trait with us. We want to constantly find those ways because we're not aware a lot of times I'm stunned when people are like, What did you mean by that?
Oh, God, oh, God. You know, like, it's gonna be a constant struggle, but but those people help you like, you, in some ways, you, you enable me to be the guy who doesn't finish his sentences and
I do know I'm an enabler there,
That's okay, I'm glad that you are too,
You enable me by allowing me to be a feral, impulsive, whatever.
Just, yeah, I just get it. I just...
But I mean, that's the reason we have this podcast. That's, that's why we share these stories is so that way, other people go, Oh, okay, I'm not alone. And if they feel like sharing it with their loved ones, you know, that's, in fact, just yesterday, I asked Evan if he had listened to last episode, which is all about catastrophizing. And once again, he was like, I learned so much about the way that your brains work.
Yeah, Yeah, because Evan has always been one of the ones that I, I will fight to my dying day to work on communication with him. Uh, but we do not have the same brains. And it is not always easy. And, and I know that I say things that he doesn't understand. He says things I don't understand. Sometimes it feels like we don't speak the same language even. But that's okay. Because I will, I, I have to make it work. I
You will ride in on your manticore and kill
in with my manticore. If anything gets in my way, I will
Murder it.
Yeah, you do have to have somebody that's willing, and I know Evan is willing too, I know Evan is in to win as well, so, uh, that is a thing, because I've also had people that don't want to try to understand, and just think I'm attacking them all the time, and I, I can't do anything about that. That's all I, they just have to go away.
Those are the crazy makers we've talked about in prior episodes.
Yeah, this is
You know what we shouldn't do, Matt? Overexplain,
Overexplained this episode. We should not end
We should just go: all right.
Yeah, there it
There's...
Good job, Alison
Good job, Matt! Uh, yeah. And so, until next time, right? That feels so weird, man.
I know! Help! Help! I'm falling! I gotta quiet,
My body is feeling physically uncomfortable.
Physically I feel like I'm falling into a net from a, from a trapeze.
There's a net! I feel like I'm falling into concrete!
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