Amazing! Are we ready? Are we ready? Are we
I'm ready.
How do I sound? I didn't really do like a full.
Sound like a professional.
You sound like a professional.
It's almost like we've done this before. Hello, Alison.
Hi, Matt.
How are
we are. I'm great. What. Is this episode...seven?! Seven?
Lucky number seven. I don't know.
We're getting lucky today. So exciting times at ADHd20 HQ. We officially released the podcast into the world yesterday.
I know
So all other recordings up to this point, we had no idea what you guys were going to think. And now we know.
You like us, you really like us.
I love y'all. If you're listening to this from the bottom of my heart, I am so glad that you're one of our people. It's a pleasure having you.
Seriously. I just feel like this is exactly what I have been missing for a little while. It's just people saying. Hey, thanks for talking about this, which is so easy for me because I can talk about things right. Uh, and it just means a lot when people share stories, their own stories, and ask questions because here's the other thing. I know so much about so many weird things.
Can confirm.
Weird things. And I just, when somebody asks about the time timer and I can just confidently help them with that. Oh, my heart is just, it grows three sizes. Speaking of which I've started the time timer, Alison.
Yay. But, yeah, I agree. Something that changed for me in recent years is like finding my community, finding the people who get me. We've talked about that a lot. Like it is so helpful to feel seen and heard. And it's so nice when someone makes you feel seen and heard. And that's what we've heard so far is that this is a topic that definitely resonates with a lot of people. So welcome to our nerdy, neurodivergent fun. And let's keep it going.
Keep it going. This is a podcast about the intersection between ADHD. And D&D, Dungeons and Dragons, or really all role-playing games, but we play D&D for the most part. And, you would think there isn't, you know, that wide of a street, but you would be surprised.
But you would be wrong if that's
Wrong. Yeah. It's a wonderful way to talk about two nerdy things in our lives. what are we going to talk about today Alison?
Well first we've done like this some, but not enough. So we're going to, we're going to start a new, little thing here forward. We're gonna roll something called a D100. And so there you have a percentile dice and then you also have a 10 sided dice. And so you roll them. And then there's a table that like, whatever you roll, the table is going to give us a question. So we're going to, we're going to get to know each other on an even deeper level and in doing so invite you to do the same.
Uh, by starting our episodes by rolling on various D 100 tables. Let's you and I both roll now and see what numbers we get, shall we?
Can I slip in a fun fact real quick.
Yeah, you can.
Okay. Fun fact real quick. When I was little, they had D10s. But they didn't have the, the tens of a D 10.
The percentile dice?
What I'm looking at now is I'm looking at one D 10 that has a 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. And it's so convenient because when you roll that one with a regular D 10, that only has one through 10, then you can know which one is which, but back in the day, back in my day, they didn't do
Back in your day, get off my lawn.
true. quality of life improvement. to dice. I'm sorry, keep going. What
Dice so nice. All right. What did you roll on your two beautiful dice? That's so much better than the olden times. The
My goodness. I rolled a 100.
Oh, well, I love that. Okay. I feel like you're going to have a great answer for this question. Matthew Bivins, what makes you respect others?
What makes me respect others? passion. In what you do. Pride in what you do. I'm not talking about Pride in how you look or though if that's your thing, I love that too. Anything that you can talk passionately about and that you really work hard at. That will gain my respect from you instantly. And I'm not saying you have to be good at that thing.
But If I talk to you and I can tell that you are so into it and you want to get better at it, whatever it is truly, like I don't think there's a topic that would make me uninterested. If you are giving it to me with as much passion and excitement as possible, that will just. Also being nice. Being, not a Dick. I'm not an asshole, really. That really goes a long way with me because I just don't feel like that is always the norm. And that's me.
Non-passionate assholes may not apply.
I'm not going to respect you that much, man. No, I'm sorry.
What if you're, what if you're passionate about being a Dick?
No seriously, though. If you can sit down with me, and really talk to me about why you feel that's the way to live. I'm not going to agree with you necessarily, but, I probably will respect you. There's no surprise, I am a liberal. I am a latte liberal. I do like lattes though. Anyway, I, I am a liberal and so there are many, many, many things that I don't understand about conservatives. however, I have sat down with conservative people, Republicans, but whatever they were.
And they have talked about why they believe what they believe. And I walk away with respect. Because if they respect me enough to talk to me and not attack me. And then they can talk about why, then I'm. We have some very dear friends that I think fall into that group. And, again, I don't necessarily agree with everything that they believe, but there. There's a mutual respect. Yep.
I love it. All right. So I had a much lower number than yours, which is good. You have the table up and ready to ask me my question? What's 39. That's where I am right now. Meet me there.
Yeah, this is cool. And this is cool.
Okay. Cool.
Investigators must be able to control their emotions. Have you had to control your emotions to achieve a goal? What happened?
Oh, my God. Story of my life. I have spent all of it being told that I'm too dramatic, too emotional, too something. And it's really frustrating. I really hate it. And I think that we've talked a lot about the collective good that social media has been doing for us. And I think this is one of the things where there's this movement to as you are and don't, make yourself less.
But sadly, Uh, it has often been my experience in the working world in like forced relationships, like familial relationships, inherited relationships, where I've had to dumb down or pull back on my fiery emotional side to get the job done. And I don't like it and therefore I don't do it anymore. If you don't like this. Go find less. It's okay.
Go find less.
Which is actually a really good segue into one of the things that I wanted to talk about today. And no, we did not plan that, but I'm here for it.
I bet. I bet I know.
So we've been talking about people that we want to come guest on our podcast. We've been talking about finding our groove out in the real world. And Elyse Myers is my internet crush if you will. Um, she is by trade a web and UX designer, so we have that in common with her. She is wildly talented as a vocal artist, which we also love. And she is a very major advocate for mental health awareness. And especially ADHD.
And so one thing that I have noticed in watching a lot of Elyse's videos is she always has these funny little songs to accompany them. But she talks a lot about hyper fixations. This is my hyper fixation outfit. This hyper fixation meal. I never realized I did that. This was not a cognizant choice I've ever made until she gave it a name and started like talking about it. And then I realized everything I do is a hyper fixation.
I'm sorry. I could have told you, I just, I didn't know how to begin.
You should have written me a little song and put it on TikTok, Matt! Matt
That's all it takes. That's what I've taken.
So what are some of your hyper fixations, Matt? And we could talk about some of mine too.
You're not Yeah. You're not
I'll start. No, let's roll a D 20. Let's go about this the right way.
Okay. Let's contest. Yep.
I'm going to, I'm going to roll my big chonk. My new chonky chonk. It's going to make a great noise. Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Natural 1.
Oh, wow. I got a five, not much better.
Still beats a one.
Okay. Okay then yes. Hyper fixations. Oh yeah. Yeah for sure, you get hyper-fixated. I do too. I do too. I can give you an extreme example, that happened just this week, in fact. I mean, I know I'm not alone, but still it's so weird, this stuff. The stuff that we're like, so gung-ho about admitting. It's just oh no. And it's cool. It's good. It's not that bad, but it's just like, wow. When I realize how much time I spent on this the other day. I even told you about it when it happened.
Because, I sat down for four hours. And I reconfigured for the billionth time. My entire folder system. I started with my notes, my notes folder system. And I went. Here's the thing. I was inspired, which is a cool thing. I was inspired by, this guy on the internet. I'm going to have to find his name, but I was inspired by this article that I had read. He had like a catchy phrase for how he could remember the folders. I was like, nah, that's not going to work for me.
So I spent an eternity kind of applying that system. But I had to rename everything and I had to rename everything to be something that I would be passionate about, and interested in, which was, um, role playing game terms.
There it is.
Oh my God. Oh my God. It's just so intense. If anybody's curious, like one folder is just for, links to other folders and other pages and other things. Sort of like an index, right. And I called that my maps folder. Right. It's a map. And then the next one is inventory and that's all the files on the fonts that make the notes work, all the like integral pieces of an operating system and templates and stuff like that. Then there's what I call sessions, which is a daily journal and its meetings.
And then there's actions, which is like me digesting some material that I find on the internet or somewhere, and then making notes about that. And also like my sort of super vague CRM, and then I've got, anyway, it goes on and on, it goes on and on, but it's, I love it now.
So.
Also know that this will not be the last one. So if anybody's listening to this and man, I have ADHD, and one thing I beat myself up about is always trying to find a productivity or a methodology that works for me. Don't just, let me just tell you. You're never going to stop. Give up. Go with it. Just try your very best to not do it too much. Don't, I'm speaking from experience. don't flip flop. Tasks. Don't always jump on the new shiny.
Uh, or at least get a time timer and just check it out for a minute. But you're not going to stop. Sorry.
Have a hypothesis knowing the similarities and the difference between us and what I know to be true about you and your hyper fixations is that they're very big. They're very macro.
Yes.
I don't see you having as many hyper fixations in the small and the day-to-day. And I am that way. I have the hyper fixation meal because I don't want to think about cooking. So I just know that every day I'm going to roast some potatoes and some Brussels sprouts. And if I'm feeling crazy, I might put a fried egg on it. And you don't do that. I feel like you, you, have your like Friday's pizza night and stuff like that, but I wouldn't call that a hyper fixation meal. I have hyper fixation.
My. My outfits like this is The only thing I'm going to wear. During this season, that's it. You're just going to see me in it over and over again.
Right.
And so here, you know, back to Elyse Myers, like hearing her sing about this is my hyper-fixation meal. I'm going to eat it over and over again till I get sick of it. I was like, oh, oh, oh no, I do that. I do that a lot. Everything I do, but I don't think my hyper fixations are big projects like yours, but it, they do like they breed anxiety. And the way that, like, when I get onto the hyper fixation train, it's like, if I don't do this thing, the world will come crashing down.
Even today I had plenty of work to do. Plenty of actual work to do. And all I want to do is sit here and do like ADHd20 marketing and D 100 tables and the world's going to go on. I'll get to those things. It's fine. But for a brief period of time today, nothing else existed. And I'm sure. you experienced that with me a lot where it's Alison, just leave it. It'll still be there tomorrow. It's fine.
Yeah, but that stuff can be really difficult for us to let go of. And I am always trying to balance that, because that kind of thing does not give me comfort. As much as it does, you. so I've already said before that. I am envious of your hyper fixations to a point, and you're not envious of mine. Which is fine. My feelings are not hurt, but, but one thing that, that I, I can get into the habit of beating myself up about is not on unlocking and stuff.
We should do one of these about productivity, because I think about it all the time. Um, But I'm with you. Getting locked in. Getting locked in is.
And nothing else exists or matters. And that really is grounds for most of my anxiety. And if I could just figure, if I could just figure that. Let me focus on fixing Very counterintuitive to everything that you just said.
But no, that's it. That's what I'm trying to do with these things. And I, do have a coach and she tries to keep me from jumping down those productivity.
I will. I will say though, that one thing I am envious of you for is I feel like even though a lot of what you do is never a done state just by nature of the thing. I feel like you finish more than I do. You hyper fixated and got your folders in order. Had that been me, I would have sat around, started 18 times, gotten frustrated and walked away. your hyper fixation glues your butt to the chair. I am not leaving and you're going to change it tomorrow, but you did finish it today.
I did. You're right. You're right. I cannot tell you how many times I've come home, and , Lindsay is like, how has your work? I was like, I just, haven't beaten this thing. There's something that I haven't beaten. It's so violent. yeah, I just got stuck and I just could not beat it.
I couldn't beat it. Yeah. So Matt has done the lion's share of the editing of these episodes. And even in doing those, I've noticed. I like editing now because Matt has shown me how and Descript is the best shameless plug I don't want to finish any of them though. I'm like, I'll get them to 90% and then I'll pass them to my friend, Matt. He can finish it.
Yeah, but here's something that I've been thinking about a lot. With ADHD. with finishing things, all this stuff, I feel like this concept of giving yourself points and getting to a level like points
that you didn't know exist. Oh, cause I know we've talked about this on the podcast before we, we didn't say XP. Oh, my God. That's it. That's it. That's how I'm going to track it. Actually I've been trying to come up with a system to track these points my coach has been talking about. I just have to track XP. And then I can level up.
Damn, that's going to be a rabbit hole. That's going to be. That's fun though. That's really fun. Okay. All right. Yes. Giving yourself XP for doing things that neurotypical brains have zip zero problem with. Starting. Sitting down. Opening up your pen, opening up, getting to the email. Without being distracted by something else, so you give yourself experience points. Um, along the way, oh my God. Are we going to build a methodology? Oh, no. I hope so.
I hope so.
Anyway, you know, you give yourself points. So what I'm thinking is like, I bet that there is a system somewhere in there where you get XP for the stuff that you're good at? Just like a fighter is going to be up front in a party Uh, walking through a dungeon. The magic user will be in the back or the ranger. Somebody with, ranged weapons will be in the back. And it's not like you expect one person to do all of those things. I love the last bits of editing to pulling all together.
So maybe your job is just going to be, Hey. Just clean everything up. Just make all the words make sense. In the transcript, and then that's so much work from me that I don't like. If you could just get to that point, which is probably really comforting. And then I can do all the reconfiguring or the adding of sound. Noises.
I love it. That's all I've ever wanted. For you to say, I will finish it. If you will start it.
See, that's what we have to do, I know we're laughing, but that is really, truly, I think, what humans with our brains have to do. And I think the sooner that we are not ashamed of that, and for me, the sooner that I can let something go and accept that and say, if this person doesn't mind doing it, let them do it. And then handoff and then you'll move so much faster in life. Good job, Alison.
Solving all of the world's problems, Mattie, or at least our own. Oh, my God. We're going to have. an RPG methodology. This is, the one time in the world that I wish that this podcast was video too, so that you guys could have all seen Matt's face.
Oh, my God, I must've been like.
Adorable. Hyper fixating on that. I have no idea what I opened up that can of worms that it would lead us through that, and, by gosh, by golly, I am thrilled. Thank you. Elyse Myers.
Thanks Elyse Meyers. I went to Tik TOK just for you, Elyse.
That is that something. Alright, well, we got our first fan mail today, we'll call it fan mail. It's a question from our good buddy Meg Anderson-King who listened to, first two episodes that we put out. And wrote my teen got diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type in May, 2021. We're still working on the coping strategies and have yet to figure out meds. What is something you wish your parents had done to support you as a kid? We've gotten the kid diagnosed, in therapy, and have a 5 0 4 plan.
Medication has been a challenge, inattentive type doesn't react the same way as impulsive type does to meds. I want to be the best mom I can be. So any and all ADHD life hacks are welcome. I hope y'all are well. And that life is good. Cheers. Meg Anderson-King. We love you, Meg
I really do, I really do, Meg. Really do. Wow. That's great.
Right. I mean, the fact that you're even asking is. 80,000 steps and in the right direction. it. leaps and bounds from where many of us came from as children of the seventies, eighties, nineties.
Amen. Amen. That is the, yes.
And I don't say that to point fingers. I think all of our parents were doing the very best they could with the information that they had at the time. But. I'm glad that you asked that question. that's what the 39 question was the beginning of this episode. Because I was just basically told as a child, by everybody, every adult in my life, just deal with that. And nothing's wrong with you. Just deal with it. When every sign in the book was like, I was plenty bright. I was plenty smart.
I just lacked focus. So, you know, just have more discipline. Alison is what they all said. without any reasonable accommodations. So I think that's, the main thing is asking, is reaching out, which is clearly what you're already doing both to licensed professionals, which Matt and I are not.
Definitely not. Please let us be clear about that.
but the whole, Like sharing with others and being willing to just try. and that's, I think we talked about this and one of our earlier episodes where. I had a below C average in high school and was really miserable. I hated everything about it and then thrived in college because suddenly it was the type of class that worked with my brain. So you're going to have to be willing to get a little bit scrappy. And to try things. And when they don't work, try other things.
and to find, to fight for your kid. I think that's what I had wanted that I didn't get as it was feeling like somebody was in my corner instead of that, I was a failure. So having that adult advocate. These days, I have to imagine. That must feel pretty magical and your kid is pretty lucky to have you.
Super lucky. Super lucky Meg because, you don't have to know anything. You don't have to, you can stumble through this. you're a parent, so you obviously know that. There's no manuals there's no, and unfortunately there's not really even amazing manuals for something like ADHD. they don't really know enough. It's changing all the time. I feel like recently, like five, 10 years, they have had a lot of cool groundbreaking thoughts.
About ADHD and how it might relate to autism, anyway, but I. I think that we're all stumbling through a little bit. I'm with Alison, just keep learning, keep talking, if Tik TOK is your thing or YouTube or something, just watch as many people as you can because. The people that are stepping up and talking about this in an honest way, and It's it is really important. The thing about your kid is that they probably think they're the only ones. And. They're not.
And especially if mom's like, Hey, I don't necessarily know what you're going through, but what can I do? How can I make this easier? and honestly, be willing to do try anything. Like, um, one example is I trip. and knock my ankles, knees. I cut myself all the time on things. All the time. And I don't know, I don't remember it, but I'm always just tripping on things and bruising my legs. And Lindsay will say, where did you get that? Bruise, cut, gash, whatever. And I'm like, I have no idea.
But then she started noticing. Oh, my gosh. My brain is already where I need to be. So I'm not it's that whole, I can't see the middle thing. So I, if there's anything in my way, I'm going to hit it. I'm not actually clumsy. If things, aren't the way that they should be, then my focus is going to be.... Elsewhere, and I'm going to slam into something. So she's just okay, I'm going to go extreme and I'm going to try to.
Not leave my shoes in the middle of the floor, even though I really want to, because I'm adult and I can. Because Matt will trip on them, guaranteed. She acquiesces sometimes because. She knows that's part of my disability. so it can be super weird.
I know that a spouse relationship is very different than a parent child, but pay attention to everything that Matt just said, Lindsay is willing to be his partner in this. She is willing to roll up her sleeves, get on his level. And walk through it with him. I've actually had this conversation with my own mother. as someone who went through all of elementary, junior, and high school and college and into adulthood, I was in my mid thirties before I was diagnosed.
And to Matt's point, you just, you feel alone the whole time. And if somebody had just been willing, one thing I've noticed is, I think I was giving all the cues, but nobody was paying attention to them. and I again say that not to point fingers, but Pay attention to is your child an audible learner or a visual learner. And if your child is a visual learner, don't tell them to do something, show them how to do something. Walk with them through that. I've had that problem, even in adulthood.
In work where I have bosses who just want to shriek orders at me and tell me something and I'm over here pleading, can you show me an example of what you're looking for? Cause we're not on the same page right now and I just need to see it.
and that's when we're saying like, try different things, but ask your kid if it's okay to sit with them while they do their homework explaining not because you're, watching them and checking them, but like to see where they stumble and see where they need some help and see where they need to be shown a different way of doing something. I was talking with my mom, she was complaining that my dad, who very clearly has ADHD, just like me, that has never been diagnosed and never will be diagnosed.
She was complaining that he hadn't hung up a fan. It had been sitting in the box for a year. We don't know how to do something. So what, sometimes we it's just easier not to start. Why don't you like, take the fan out of the box with him and put together a project plan? Today, we're going to read the instructions. Tomorrow we're going to make sure that we have all the supplies and they didn't leave out any of the screws.
The next day, we're going to pull the wires down, And write those things down because there's some comfort. It's what I've talked about. I think on every episode of this is like finding that, that comfort zone, that safety blanket I know what's next. I know what's up. So help them navigate through that middle part where they're stumbling. Either figuratively or literally in causing bruises. By. Like, okay, homework is going to get done today. We're going to take the papers out of your backpack.
We're going to see what we have to do. We're going to come up with an action plan. We're going to do the hard homework first. You hate math, let's attack that. Then we're, we're going to give you 27 XP for doing it, whatever,
Or, or if energy levels are such that. they're like, they need to sort of.
Ramp up.
up. Can I, can I share real quick? A, a true like saintly person. I have a really difficult time packing. Period for anything. And, especially for a trip, I've got like travel anxiety and. My wife, having a disability herself understands that I, you can't get mad for Lindsay for not hearing you. You just can't do that. It's not a personal thing. She's not, not answering you to be a jerk, right?
so she, she has a lot more patience than a lot of people, but she also has the ability to apply that to me. And. What I have to do when I pack say. I have to go. And I have to learn like the military roll system for your t-shirts. I have to learn something new. That is fun to even get to the process of doing it. And I think when she first experienced this, she was like, is that really what you should be doing? And then she realized, oh, okay.
So that's what he has to ramp up into to even get the stuff done. And so she was like, yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's going to take longer. Than her, but. I'm not her. And that's, you're already there. Meg, you're already there because you get that. Yeah. this, This question from Meg was interesting because it kind of leads into this thing that I wrote just today. So I try to journal a little bit every day. What it does for me. And we haven't talked a lot about D&D on this episode.
That's okay. We talked about it a lot last week, but. it writing a little bit a day, like 500 words will jumpstart writing about anything else. Ie, world-building or creative thought. So it's 500 words and, look at the number and then I stop as soon as they get to 500. So this new app that I've been trying, because it's a new app and I have to try it.
Naturally.
Is called Stoic. Period. And it is real pretty looking. I've already written the developers because there's some things that are not accessible about the UI. Like literally not accessible. You can't actually read some of the things. So I've already written to the developer saying you should make it more accessible, but it is really, well-made really, well-made, it's a journaling app and some meditation in there and some other, just things, but the coolest things are the prompts.
And so the prompt for today was what would you say to your five-year-old self? So in this whole, I'm going to be more honest about everything. I'll read parts of what I wrote. I wrote don't stop trying to be different. I said, I know that you're already starting to be different. You're getting picked on for being different, but don't stop it. Because the thing that you end up doing now is going to be the thing that you crave. Being different. That's what you're going to crave.
Understand that you actually do have a disability. And there isn't anything you can do about that. especially in 1977, because it was not something that people were talking about, ADD, so just again, that whole you're not alone thing I think is just going to make a whole generation of kids a whole lot safer and happier.
your brain does work differently. And when you're in situations where your brain has the encouragement and room to shine, it will. The rest of the time, just ask for help, right? Ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Do your best not to beat yourself up too much along the way. Cause it might be a tough road sometimes. if you can.
And then also tell dad to buy 10 times the amount of those star wars action figures, then do not open them because they are going to be worth a ton of money someday. Yeah. So that's what I, that's what I'd say to my five-year-old self.
I love
Yeah. What would you say to your five-year-old self? Alison?
Um, I think a lot of those same things that, you know, What makes you different is what makes you special. That's a good thing. I think growing when I was five years old in 1987, And everybody tells you, oh, be like a duck, let's, let other people's commentary of you just roll off your back. Ignore them. ignore the people, making fun of you. And I think that I wish that five-year-old me instead knew. First of all that hurt people hurt people.
You know, that, that it really is a reflection of how they feel and what they're going through. And I wasted a lot of time getting really fired up about the mean things people had to say about me. One not knowing where they were coming from and two, not understanding that it was none of my business, what somebody else thinks of me. so I wish I'd gotten there faster. I wish that I had understood that the people who are really exceedingly happy in high school tend to peak in high school.
And in a lot of ways, I feel like you and I both are still just getting started. And I wish that there was a way to say that in a way that a five-year-old's brain under stands, just hold on. Just hold on and be a freak. Be a weird, let people make fun of you.
Yeah. Scream. Be emotional it's O K
If they don't like you go find less.
Go find less. Yeah, for sure. That is... That is it. Um, Well, alison. Thank you for doing this podcast with me.
Thanks for inviting me. It's my favorite. I mean that sincerely.
Yeah. I mean, I'm no longer inviting you by the way. It could be cute if you keep saying that, like until the very end of the podcast, meaning 200 episodes in, but. Anyway, Thank you.
Thank you for the original invitation. The gift that keeps on giving.
And thank you guys for listening now that we know that there are some, and, we really appreciate it and appreciate you. So, thank you. Oh, And there it is. until next time. Love
birthday weekend. I love
man.
I'll see you soon.