Free to Be You and Me

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

You wanna record a podcast with me?

Recording podcast today Where is, I wonder where is the intersection between um, ADHD and OCD? There are some.

There have to be,

That is for ding dang sure

But I, I would think it would be more on the, the impulsive/compulsive side of ADHD, which you tend to lean not in that direction.

I know. Isn't that weird?

But when, okay. Okay. Here's a question and let's get Fitz on one day to ruminate on this.

Yeah.

What is the difference between a hyper-fixation and a compulsion? Discuss? You know,

That is a good question. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I don't, I don't have the answers, so I guess it could come up with some hypotheses and have science destroy them all.

She destroyed me with science.

She destroyed me with.

Uh, we have a topic

We do.

As suggested to us by our friends in the Discord, specifically our friend Tey. What is that topic, Alison? Oh, we haven't done

Yeah… know,

any introductions or anything. We

Nah, let's get, we gotta roll dice. We have to, we have to say, hi Matt.

Hi Alison.

Welcome to my podcast.

Welcome to my podcast. I'm so glad you could join me today.

This, of course, is the podcast ADHd20, where we try and find the intersection between ADHD, and

and TT

TTRPGs. It's not like we haven't done that like 27 times already, but here, here we are. Do you know what? Do you know what today's episode is, Matt? We're in double digits! It's episode 10

Dang.

of our second season. So I mentioned on the last episode that I just went on vacation with my family and while on vacation with my family, I mentioned to my brother whose name is also Evan, uh, that I have, you know, a podcast about ADHD. And he asked how long we've been doing it and I was like, well, we're in our second season. He said, well then it's not a podcast about ADHD cuz anybody with ADHD wouldn't be able to do 20 something episodes of something. And I said, haha, but but!

It is.

And he said, okay, that tracks. So on that note, Matt, I'm about to surprise round you real quick.

Uh, oh, boy. Oh

Oh boy. I have an I, I surprise you. You surprise me.

Give and take a little

What if, every week on ADHD 20. At the beginning, we just quickly shared what was our hyper fixation for the week. What was the thing that you hyper fixated on the most this week, Matt, right?

I love that. Yeah. That's a fun one.

Yeah. I'm asking you though.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uh, undoubtedly, it, it is actually, uh, usually editing the, this podcast. That's, that's a, that's a pretty rock solid way to get into hyperfocus.

Mm-hmm.

Also, uh, I have been working very hard on my RPG methodology.

Ooh.

So, uh, I did definitely have some hyper fixed mornings where I was like, I can fix this, I can do this, I can make it. And I did. I did. Uh, those are my two.

Nice.

That's enough.

That's enough. That's enough hyper fixations. I think this week my hyper fixation was definitely Patreon. We

Mm-hmm.

We decided to give our own darling little Patreon a little glow up this week. And I spent a lot of time in there and it was a lot of fun and there's a lot more I'm gonna do and can do and can't wait to do. Um,

Yes, yes.

Yay fun hyper fixations.

Part of your dreams and goals for Patreon, we're hoping to have, say, live streams of this, where we, everybody hears all of this nonsense at the beginning and the end and the middle of these podcasts.

That's the best part is that people think that you and I actually just talk for 30 minutes a week about this and have no idea that all that we cut. It's great.

Super succinct, like, I, to leave in all of our, uh, Uhuh stuttering. Just as the example that I have ADHD and that, that's my, that's my jam because man alive Mm-hmm. We cut out lot of it. A lot of it. So.

Um, well there's our new segment. We'll see if I remember to ever do it again. Or if, if season two episode 10 is the one, time we bring it up. But I think it, I think it would be interesting week to week to see what our hyper focuses change to and what's the thing that's just kind of like, getting us all hyper and juiced week to week. Um, so thank you for humoring me there. Now let's do the, uh, the D 100 table and then get on, then get on with it. Uh, you got your dice ready.

Our freaking lives, man.

I'm rolling, for anybody who cares, now that this is also a video format, I'm rolling with my Jester dice today. Um, I love them. Jester is my favorite Critical Role character, of course. She's just the cutest, the most unproblematic, and the D 20. It's a cupcake. It's a sweet, when you land on the 20, you get a sweet little Jester cupcake, and I didn't Okay. Enough of that. Enough of that nonsense.

I even know about, I even know about the cupcake thing.

I have rolled. What did you roll?

A 28.

Wow. This goes right along with the segment we've had. What is your current hyper fixation meal.

I actually have one. Okay. So let me first say, um, I don't, I don't usually hyperfocus in that way. I don't hyperfocus about food. fact, it is very hard for me to eat the same meals twice in, in a week.

Wow.

like, like consecutively, like I eat, I could eat pizza twice or something like that. But they have to be very different pizzas,

Fair.

Uh, I know that a lot of people with ADHD don't have that problem, which is also cool. I mean, people, some people just like, get on a, I'm gonna have beans and rice every night kick. I can't do that. However,

Wow.

I really, really love this meal. We've been making it for a while. Uh, it, it's fish, rice, and coleslaw.

Interesting.

Yeah, it's really good. Like a little slab of some, the fish can change,

Uhhuh

Rice with a little butter. And then my coleslaw, which is

Hmm.

Made with Duke's mayonnaise.

Of course it is. I, knew it was either made with Dukes or like mayonnaise you made yourself. I would do that, but my, cuz my hyper fixation is putting fruit in things, so I bet that would be good if you did like a little, like mango or like pineapple to the, to the slaw. I bet that'd be good. Mm-hmm.

Good.

Treat yourself. Treat yourself well. Well I'm glad to know you have a hyper fixation meal. There's something we don't normally talk about from you. Um, I rolled a 13.

A 13. Alison what is your alignment IRL?

Oh, I love this question. Um, you know, I think I want it to be chaotic good. It's definitely chaotic. There's, there's no way it's not. But I I think lately, cuz I entered my villain era not too long ago. I think I might be skewing more chaotic neutral in this current uh, iteration of Alison. I'm not apologetic about that either. But yeah, it's definitely chaotic. I'm not a lawful girl and I don't think I could play a lawful character. So

Mm-hmm. still in your villain phase. I approve.

Well, I've moved out of my villain era and into my delusional era. But yeah, we're, we're moving. I'm just like Taylor Swift and really moving through the eras here lately.

Amazing. Amazing. Okay. So what are we going to talk about today?

So we polled our lovely audience in Discord this week, uh, with our favorite question. What kind of topics do you like? Got some good ones. Got some real good ones. I love everybody's brains, man. I really, really do. Uh, and this particular question came from our good friend Tey: I think you might have touched on this a bit already, but how about going in depth on things that made y'all feel welcome to show up as your whole self at a gaming table?

Oh,

I, I I love everything about that. I mean, obviously I love the spirit in which Tey asked it, within the lens of TTRPGs, like what can cause us to just shut down in a game? Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had a gaming moment where you just kind of wanted to like Homer Simpson into the bushes?

Yeah.

Do you wanna talk about it?

Sure. Um, I, I've definitely had, I've definitely had that moment as a Game Master and, uh, it's, it's a little, okay. It, it, it happened cause I felt like all of the players were against me.

Oh,

So

think I know the time you're talking about.

It wasn't a happy moment,

Mm-hmm.

But I got very upset and angry. Uh, and I didn't know what to do about it. It, I mean, RSD right? Like it was a full RSD attack.

Mm-hmm.

That I was feeling because it wasn't like anybody was doing anything particularly,

Mm-hmm.

You were definitely not attacking me. Cuz as, as we've said many, many times this game, the beauty of it is that you can be yourself and yet you're not yourself, so. Wouldn't that apply to the Game Master? Well, it should.

Mm-hmm.

There was, there was this moment where,

Mm-hmm.

I was just, had prepared this thing and, my, creature or whatever it was or the situation, I don't even remember. I've, I've, I've put it outta my mind, but it was, I was very, I got very, I. Like, oh, oh boy, I got, I wanna stop. Just like, gotta, I feel so bad. I, I, you know, I just kind of went into myself and, it wasn't the best feeling, but it was, it was a real thing. And then, you know, we just discussed it.

Mm-hmm.

then that would be a bad situation, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

That could turn you off of role playing games forever.

Mm-hmm.

So, you know, that's, so, that's a bad side of this, right? If if you don't, if you're not in a safe space,

mm-hmm.

And there's so many, so many, so many articles online, about making your gaming table a safe space, as safe as humanly possible, so many great ideas.

Mm-hmm.

This, mechanic called the X Card, if something happens, you're, you're not calling someone out, you're just that says, this makes me uncomfortable.

Yep.

What is it called? Veils.

Lines and veils.

Thank you lines and veils. Uh, there are lots of systems out there where, to make everybody feel comfortable in, at, at a table. And, and that time anytime that I've ever felt weird, I've been able to talk about it and say, Hey, you know, I felt weird. Um,

Mm-hmm.

How about you?

I know which time you're talking about. And I do remember that cuz I knew that we were, I knew that we were off kilter. I knew that we were off sync. And that's never a good feeling when you know that you're usually in sync with a group to feel very like why is, why is today raining chaos? Um...

Yeah.

i, I'll say this because I obviously we're not here to like talk trash about anybody or anything, but there have been other games, not the ones that I play with you, um, but games I played with other group were like, there's a member maybe even two that like you just don't jive with as a person, right?

Yeah.

And that's, that's hard. And so there was, uh, not too long ago in one of these games, one of the, people that personally I just don't jive with rolled up a new character and it felt very like shoehorned in, it felt like in rolling up this character and kind of, because we were a very close party.

Yeah, yeah.

And, and that felt weird. That felt bad. That's, that's the, that's the, the most recent example I could think of.

And, and we, we, we both started off with negative ones. But I can, I can speak to the positive side of, of Tey's question which was,

Mm-hmm.

what are things that have made us feel welcome to show up as our whole self? And I would say personally, it is the, role playing abilities

Mm-hmm.

of my group, right? That includes you, of course, it definitely includes my brother Evan,

Mm-hmm.

includes our friend Fitz, and includes our friend Matt Williams. Like the fact that y'all are always, almost always willing

Mm-hmm.

to go for it to bring in the emotion, to, to really try to put yourselves into this character and what the character would say, even if it isn't what you would say is inspiring. It always changes

Mm-hmm.

what I am doing and saying. It always does. And, and when, when I play with Tey, I can literally see him doing that.

Mm-hmm.

So I know same for him. I

Yep. Yep. Yep.

been in moments where like, that's not what he was going to say, but he's so inspired by what the players are doing. It's these moments where you feel comfortable shedding tears or these moments that, uh, where, where a character just kind of breaks, breaks down any barriers and really talks real stuff. We don't talk about him all that much, but our friend Matt Williams, he's a dad. He works in family ministry.

Tell me more.

...already puts you in a position where that's easier to do. And then the players that I play with are phenomenal.

I wanna, I wanna, yes, and so much of that, Matt Williams really is a master at acting as his character. In fact, if you know Matt personally, IRL and I, I do not know a kinder, more gentle soul. He is the epitome of a good listener and a good friend, uh, to, to all that he knows, right? Um, And in the game, Matt is a hothead and I love it. Like I love it.

Mm-hmm.

Because they are just, they're so wacky in such a beautiful way. And so it's, it's almost like when you see somebody, that level of unhinged, I swear this is an, is a compliment. It gives you permission. When people say like, what advice can you give to newcomers and first time players or people who haven't played in a while, it's always get a ringer. Get somebody in your group who knows what they're doing and play with them because no shade to being a newbie.

Right. No, really good at that. You're really good at that.

And I think, too, one realization that I've had, and I think this is a generational thing, I, uh, this is not shade at my parents, but rather the people of Okay, Boomer Generation. Is is and something that makes you, Matt Williams, Evan, Fitz, Tey really good D&D players and Dungeon Masters is why you're listening. Are you listening with the intent to respond or are you listening with the intent to understand?

Yeah,

know, but, but you prove over and over again what's what we're supposed to do, right? We're supposed to go off those rails. But like that ability in game or in conversation, if we're talking about real life again to pivot and say, what did that person just say? And, and respond to that instead of what you wanted to say, the point you wanted to make.

I love that. Gosh, that's amazing. And uh, that was probably the lesson that I enjoyed learning the most in improv, my year of improv schooling. it's ironic how many tools, rules and tools there are.

Mm-hmm.

for improv comedy. They're all like that. that. I mean, if you come in angry. It's not gonna be good. If you don't Listen to understand and then, and then be able to respond no matter what you wanna say, and you can tell. Yeah. Anyway,

Mm-hmm.

That's huge, huge compliment, that you just gave me. And I really, really, really appreciate that, because not only as a performer, you know, I, I, I'm not an improviser anymore, but I, I did take that to heart. But then with ADHD that is,

Mm-hmm.

That is a known challenge, which is, I, I have something to wanna say. Well, what if the conversation moves? Or what if it doesn't really suit for you to say what you want it to say? You have to let it go. It's, it's it's

Oh,

Thank

it sucks

you. That, that, that made me feel good.

Oh, but I meant it, I wasn't just, I promise I was not blowing smoke.

I can tell. No, I, I can tell, I can tell. You've started to dive in to the second part of this question,

Mm-hmm.

The, the practices for making a gaming table more rad in Tey's words, uh, for neuro spicy

Yeah.

and, and that's, that's a big one. I think that's a big one uh, that can apply to anybody really, but especially if you know for a fact that somebody has, you know, an impulsiveness, for example, just like understand that maybe you might need a to, to have a little more patience. Why are you laughing?

It's me.

And see this is why we are such dear friends. We are, this is why we're such dear friends. This Fitz and you have become such dear friends, is that you, you do have, that. You, I mean, you do, you have the impulsive side. You do I can see it. I can, I could feel, I can literally feel it in can see and feel that, like I gotta say what I wanna like. And, and sometimes your, your brain won't... you just can't. You cannot not. Right. You

yeah, yeah, yeah,

Uh, but we are like, yeah, that's, that's, that's okay. That is okay. We accept you. Um, now is so funny cuz I was, I was talking to Lindsay yesterday about this and just things, things that people with disabilities

Mm-hmm.

Uh, traits with disabilities might have. Mannerisms, that would make it impossible for you to be their friend. Right? And of course that's going to be a sliding scale. And, and you came up as an example of of just someone that I know a challenge for you is impulsiveness.

Mm-hmm.

And I said, we just, we just love her. We just love her. That's what it is. I mean, Because knowing is half the battle and there's things that I, know

Mm-hmm.

That are challenges for me, that become challenges for y'all. Probably a lot of it's time blindness, but, There's a lot of stuff. There's stuff, but you love me, right? Like that's, So at a gaming table, just understand. And, if you are, if you are the neuro spicy person, um, within reason, like don't, don't make it all about you, but come in and say, Hey everybody, this is the way my brain works. So if this happens, just don't be surprised.

Mm-hmm.

your lifetime. I think, I don't know. I don't know. A better skill. I don't know one that, that is more important as you age. I don't know one that's, that's more important to have lasting friendships and relationships.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect at it. By stretch, but it's, it just, it seems like every communication issue comes down to that, right?

Yep. And like the more you're able to do that, first of all is like to try and say what are they experiencing right now that is making them act that way?

Mm-hmm.

And then the more you're able to recognize how people treat me, has very little to do with me and everything to do with them.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know, we've talked a little bit, we've skimmed the surface on rejection sensitive dysphoria, RSD. Um, I think we could go miles deeper on that one. Um, but I used to care like in a debilitating, borderline, non-functional way, what people thought of me. Just like waves of tears throughout high school because of people that didn't matter. Like that was the funny part of it too. It wasn't even like it was my close friends, you know, I would get hung up on like just little one-off comments.

Yeah. It's. Isn't it interesting because, I know that, I know that ever since we started this podcast, I do tend to armchair diagnose everybody

Yeah.

10 times more than I ever did. And I, I'm not proud of that. I'm not proud

Yeah.

But I will say this going along with what you just said,

Mm-hmm.

It really, really is a part of my journey to try to understand other people in their shoes, right? I run up against people that I have had a very difficult time befriending... and they drive me nuts or, uh, things about them, can't, I just cannot jive with.

Yep.

It does, it does help me to try to say, okay, but why, like, do they have an undiagnosed something

Yeah.

You know, it's just trying to figure out how we relate to the universe.

Is anyone neurotypical?

I just,

We have doubts.

other I think that's the other thing we're gonna discover is no

Nobody. Nobody Exactly.

I like it.

But, you know, I think that you touched on something really beautiful though, Matt, that like, as I'm thinking through this, I think that you guys all credit to you for creating a, an environment that both modeled good behavior. You know, yes, I have ADHD, but I can get stuff done or whatever the case is, and that, I'm gonna, I'm gonna love them through it.

It's with a welcome sign

And I will walk you in. Exactly. Yes. And a halberd. Uh, and I will walk you. That's all. I think that's all we need, man. Somebody to meet us at the door and walk us inside.

Yes. There is an a, an absolute fact for anything that has anything to do with accessibility or inclusion in, the world. There is one rule that kind of tops everything, and that is do not be afraid to ask questions. And that is the, the symbolic reaching out a hand.

Mm-hmm.

And I understand this too, I get it, but some people are so terrified to ask questions. you know, Especially of Lindsay, who who is, you know, profoundly deaf. I get, I get that even more, but even me, like, just ask, don't

Mm-hmm.

Chances are unless you are out outright trying to be insulting,

Mm-hmm.

There isn't anything that you can do to insult yeah. If you just ask the question. There really isn't. So, So that's, that's a game table, or that's restaurant, or a theater or any damn place, man.

Mm-hmm.

Just ask.

We should, we should just, like, make buttons, you know? I'm neuro spicy. Ask me and just let the whole world

That's a t-shirt. Ask me why. Ask me why. I'm neurospicy, ask me why. That would be amazing. I want that so bad now. Uh, yeah. I love this. This is good. This is good. I hope that this answered Tey's question. Yeah. He knew the answer to it already, but, but I love talking about this.

Yes. Thank you, Tey, for an excellent, excellent question. And I always like the questions that straddle, you know, ADHD, and and D&D so perfectly, and this one hit it out of the park, Sir Tey!

I love that. I love the ones that straddle D&D, ADHD and then outside of D&D at the same time.

Mm-hmm.

Like, like this one.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you could, yeah. Yes, yes. You could definitely replace gaming table with.

Mm-hmm.

Taking someone home to your parents for Thanksgiving?

Yes, for Thanksgiving, specifically.

Yeah. Unless you Thanksgiving. Like me. Christmas, uh, Hanukkah.

Yeah.

All of the holiday, any holiday.

Pre President's Day, Memorial Day,

Day, Memorial Day.

Indigenous People's Day. Now we're just naming holidays. It's time to end the episode.

We're just exactly there. It's uh, what's your usual, usual sign off? start naming, we just start naming holidays. Wow. That's

I, uh, I have been thinking hard about like we do need a sign off or a catchphrase and you know, our friend Jax, Jaclyn Havington came up with a really great one.

Yeah.

Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice.

Let's test it out. Thanks, Alison for, for j joining me on your podcast.

Matt, thank you for having me on your podcast.

And thanks everybody for listening and, and, and don't forget. Oh yeah. And thanks everybody out there for listening, don't forget. I can't do it. You do it. You can do it better. Thanks everybody for listening.

Uh, Thanks everybody for tuning in to our podcast about Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice.

that's pretty good. It's always that, that's just even if we have Nice.

In a world where you can be anything, be neuro spice and rolling dice Anytime you can in a world something, it's always

be neuroscience and

And rolling dice. Oh,

Oh my God.

We'll keep work shopping, but I think we're onto something here.

We gotta work on it, but yeah, it'll, it'll be there. Okay. Awesome.

Live, laugh, love neuro. Okay, I'll stop.

Love it leave it. Thank you for listening and being a part of our ADHd20 family. If you're looking for more, we'd love to see you in our public Discord server. Look for the link in our show notes and come join the chatter about all things TTRPG and ADHD, but also TV, music, pretty much anything on our minds.

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