591- How to Accomplish Your 2026 Goals — One Day at a Time

Order expert Series.

Here, everybody. I'm Annie Rogers, and on behalf of the Attitude team, I am delighted to welcome you to today's ADHD Experts presentation titled How to Accomplish Your 2026 Goals. One day at a time. Leading today's presentation is Karen McGill. Karen is an ADHD coach, entrepreneur, and YouTube creator who helps busy, ambitious brains build the lives they love.

Through her coaching content and practical tools, Karen blends compassion with straight talk to make goal setting and productivity feel less overwhelming and more doable. She's passionate about helping people replace shame and self-doubt with clarity, confidence, and systems that actually fit who they are. To introduce today's webinar, I'd actually like to share a few comments from you and the community members who gave us their words when they registered for this event.

One person wrote, My life has been riddled with plans and goals that just remain talking points. with little follow-through. My inner dialogue around these consistent failures is very poor. It's hard to see myself ever getting on top after so many years of accomplishing little. Someone else wrote, I have a tendency to go all or nothing. I work tirelessly to stay on top of work, exercise, and social social life for a week or two.

Then I slip up or burn myself out and my executive functioning falls to nothing. I want to stop the cycle. And the third, I've always struggled with breaking down big long-term goals and dreams into short-term goals and things to do in the near future, and bridging the gap between the two. That area always seems so fuzzy and unclear to me. If you see yourself in any of these quotes, you are in the right In this webinar, Karen will explain a different way.

to approach goals and productivity in 2026. You'll learn how to turn realistic intentions into sustainable goals with a plan that avoids burnout and self-blame. Okay, without any further ado, I'm so pleased to welcome Karen McGill. Karen, thank you so much for joining us today and for leading this very timely and poignant discussion.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. And also thank you for teeing up some of those comments from uh the attendees. I think that that's going to be a good way to set the stage for what we're going to talk about today. which is really addressing that Cycle of self-shame that I think so many of us go through, self-included, and how to not only set better goals, but

choose them um more uh intentionally so that they align with who we are better. We're meeting ourselves where we're at, which Makes a world of difference in actually following through with those goals and becoming this person who does what they say they're going to do, particularly as it relates to how they want to improve themselves.

So it is the new year and with that comes the shiny dopamine rush of new year, new you. And we all go through it or some some of us may deliberately hide from it based on past experience. But at the top of the year, most people have this excitement for the year ahead and what they're going to do and how they're going to change. But m like with most things that are new and we don't know what it's gonna be like because we've never done it before.

W the fatigue of actually going through the motions of our new goals starts to set in sometimes on January 2nd. I think January 17th is considered National Quitting Day. And as we start to Go through the motions of our new goals, uh, we start to feel that boredom set in, right? And with that comes fatigue and avoidance. And all of a sudden we find ourselves.

procrastinating and that for myself would usually take me to the end of the month where I get into that cycle of self-blame and shame where, you know, it's like, God, I did it again. It's not even the end of the month and I've done it again. So, if that rings true for you, then I want you to know that first of all, you're not alone and you're in the right place. Because I think this is true of all of us. I think that when you layer the ADHD experience on top of it.

it can land a little bit differently or more hard, if you will, because we're already struggling with executive function issues, right? Like we're struggling To get ourselves into tasks and then staying aligned to those tasks and keeping our attention on them and following through, like that takes so much. cognitive load in and of itself and then add to it time blindness and procrastination, impulsiveness. All of these elements makes it really hard to push through.

the minute things get a little uncomfortable or boring. So I want to position that because this is what's getting in the way of not only you reaching your goals, but is also what is feeding that that sense of shame and blame that you just keep cycling through the same things. And there is a way out of it. And that is what we're going to Address in this discussion. But I want to start with when most people come to me as an ADHD coach.

Because I think you're gonna you're gonna feel this process as well. Like this is usually after you have given up on your New Year's resolutions and you're frustrated with yourself, thinking, you know, I just need more discipline. Like something is wrong with me. And that's when

Clients come to me, right? Like I have these things I want to do, but I just can't get myself to do them. I need to be more disciplined. And Discipline is great, don't get me wrong, but that is a small piece of the overall puzzle of what's getting in the way of these otherwise it's successful, smart, ambitious people who want to get things done. And

Success overall has less to do with just discipline and more to do with how you're setting your goals up. Like, are your goals matching your interests, your values, your strengths? And is it also matching your capacity, which is a big part of what we'll talk about today? And just to uh level set on what I mean by capacity, that's Time, energy, resources, money, family support, friends support, uh, accountability.

a structure and scaffolding, all of those things are what I mean by capacity. And I think that when we set goals Especially as ADHDers, when we're always looking for that new and next thing, we have a tendency to be really additive as.

a first reaction. So we'd love to add things to our plate, but we're not pausing to say, okay, maybe we're already at capacity. Maybe we need to release some things so we can make room for what we truly want. So I will get into all of that. I just wanted to give you that

understanding of where I'm coming from on this. So my question is to all of you to think like, how would it feel this year in 2026 if you actually set aligned goals that were not only meeting you where you're at now, but that you had absolute confidence that you would actually follow through on them. Like how would that feel? And how exciting would that be? And if you know you felt that way.

The question that we're going to explore is what are the goals that you would actually set in order to get there? So we're gonna dig into that now. And when it comes to the ADHD brain, which is very capable of setting goals and achieving them, we just need to do it the right way for our brains, which means something different to all of us, but these are the

the steps that I take with my clients and also what I have used myself that tend to work. And that starts number one with deciding what matters. to you. And maybe you've heard this before, maybe you haven't, but ADHD brains are interest driven. Neurotypical brains

have a tendency to be driven by sometimes interest, but also what's important and pertinent in the moment. Meaning if something is important, their brains will pay attention to it and get it done. Whereas our brains are a little bit different, you know, like we find it easier to address and put our attention on things that are important. And sometimes I mean it's very interesting. And sometimes the important things wait until

disaster sets in. And that's when the urgency uh it steps up and we're able to address it. But Having to go through life dealing with uh things as they beget as they become urgent is that's an energetic brain, a drain. Like I know you guys have uh felt that and I know I have too, or we don't wanna be living our lives based on, you know, what Uh what's the dumpster fire of urgency in the moment? We want to have like the ability to set goals, follow through based on our interests.

And what you might be thinking, because I know I was thinking this, is that, you know, that's great uh to choose a goal that's interesting, but I change my interests like I change my underwear. Like come on, you know, we all have so many interests and they change from day to day, week to week. And that's true. And that

When I say that we want to really decide what's matter based uh what matters based on what we're interested in, I guess the start, but it's not the complete picture. We also want to consider our strengths because when we're choosing goals that are Based in our strengths and that we're using our strengths to achieve those goals, it makes it a heck of a lot easier than when we're choosing goals that are not aligned to our strengths and also our intention. When we're choosing goals.

We want to be very careful that they're intrinsically motivated, meaning it's coming from something inside of you. You know, I wanna do this because it's important to me as a person, not I'm gonna do this because it'll make my parents happy or my spouse happy or it's what my boss wants me to do. Obviously, you know, we have to interact with the world and uh find places of um

balance and equilibrium around the people around us. But when it comes to sending or creating goals that we want to follow through on, it has to come from a place inside. And that we have to be emotionally connected to it. I can tell you a hundred percent of the time. When I set a goal, as big or small as it needs to be. If there's something inside where it's like, oh, I just I have to do this because my heart is in it.

Then they're nine times nine to ten, I will get there. And the ones that my heart's not really in it, I usually let those ones. fall to the wayside. And sometimes that's okay, right? Like sometimes we set goals thinking this is what we want. And then somewhere down the line we realize that it wasn't really something that we are emotionally connected to and and we have to let it go. And that's just part of life. But

There's a fine line between realizing a goal is just not something that's important to you or that matters in the moment versus we're bored we're gonna start with a new goal um the next day, which I will get into.

And then the last piece of this is we always want to choose goals where we know we're able to get the structure and support we need to follow through. And I'll get into all of that in a little bit more detail. But the the takeaway here is really thinking about the goals that you're choosing before you ever get to planning or writing it on paper and really thinking about, you know, what's important to me right now, what matters to me, and what is aligned to what I want in my life.

And as it relates to the goal that you choose.

The thing that I think is so important to realize here is that we can get very excited about outcomes like Whatever it is we want, we're excited about that. And this is going to be the time that we achieve it. And it's going to be great. And life is going to be tickety boo afterwards, but we don't really think through like what we actually have to do in order to attain that goal. So I'm gonna call that uh our behavior change.

uh focus because really with any goal, if you want to change who you are now to who you want to be, there's behavior change that has to happen in between. And sometimes that can be really uncomfortable. Um, and this is one of the biggest traps that I see in the clients that come to me.

Is that they are overindexing on the outcome of the goal that they want, but they're not really thinking through the behavior change and the piece that has to change in their day to day in order to attain that. Because sometimes we don't know what that behavior change is yet. And sometimes we have a loose idea of it and we are over or underestimating how difficult or consuming that behavior change is going to be.

In which case we may need to recalibrate and we'll get thro we'll go through all of that. Doesn't mean we need to drop the goal, but we need to meet ourselves where we're at and be honest with ourselves about what we have the capacity to do in any given situation or season that we're in in life. Svullet och inflammerat tantkött inom en vecka. Dessutom tar den bort fyra gånger mer plack jämfört med en vanlig tanke. Stoppa blödande tandkött. Ardontax.se Context.

So when someone comes to me and says, you know, I'm struggling with this lack of self trust and I really want to do things, but I can't to start. This is where we start breaking down the goal so that they're moving away from just the outcome and they're thinking through the behavior. So I'll go through a couple of these questions with you, but

Essentially they relate to first of all the capacity piece. Like are you taking anything off your plate in order to give yourself the time, energy, and resources you need to apply to this goal? Because if you're not. that is going to be like the biggest red flag um for for most of us. And when you think about the goal, like how often are you going to engage in it? There are the behavior that you need to change. And

Do, you know, you have the time and energy and support that you need to engage in it? And, you know, what is it gonna look like in those moments when? it's gonna be frictionful. Cause that happens, right? Like a goal can start off great and then we can start getting into it and the the difficulties and the challenge and the friction starts. And that's where we start to build that self-doubt muscle or that's when the voice starts to come up saying, Oh, you can't do this.

So you need to plan for that in advance and ask yourself, how can I make this easier for myself to attain like attain the goal overall or especially in those moments when I don't want to follow through? And I think most importantly are the last two questions. How am I going to see success in this? Which is something we never ask ourselves, right? Like it could be a weight loss goal, a money-saving goal, or um something that you want to see happen, even just an intention. And we may on some

Time, frame, reach that goal and not even notice because we've pushed the milestone out, right? So really thinking through what success looks like.

means that you can take that moment to celebrate, which is so important. And to that end, how are you going to track your progress? There's a great book by Dan Hardy and Ben Sullivan, sorry, Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan. It's called The Gap in the Game. And the Premise of the book is that We have a tendency to look at goal setting as I'm here and I've got to get way over there and I'm going to focus on how far I have to go, rather than turning around and looking at how far you've come.

And the psychology behind that, it can be detrimental to constantly be thinking about how far you have to go without turning around and seeing the progress that you've made so far. Especially when you have big goals that take a long time, like this big weight loss goal or going back to school or saving for retirement.

Those goals are going to take a long time and you're going to need to keep yourself motivated. So tracking your progress is so, so, so important. So setting up a system for that is something I do a lot with my clients. But bottom line, uh and and I'm sure you're starting to get where I'm coming from here. Like motivation and

success and discipline and having really good plans. That is not really the marker of success that I want you to be looking at as you're going for your goals. I want you to be looking at the behaviors. How often am I engaging in the behaviors? Am I being as compliant as I said I was gonna be, or am I really struggling?

Because if you're struggling, it doesn't mean you're, you know, inconsistent or broken or something's wrong with you. It's just a barometer to tell you that the current plan needs to be recalibrated. You don't need to add an emotional layer of. Self-blame or doubt over it, you can just look at it as behavior is data. And if I'm not doing the behaviors I said I was gonna do, then time to readjust.

The other thing that I don't think we do enough as we're thinking through our goals, before we actually put them uh put pen to paper and say this is what we're going to do, is really think about as I think about the goals that I'm interested in, not just the outcomes, but the actual behaviors I say I'm gonna do. How does my body feel about this? Like very often we live from the neck up, right? Like we're not really thinking somatically. What's going on in our body?

So if you're thinking about a goal and the behaviors associated with that goal and you're getting like a pit of dread in your stomach, that's information. That is your body saying, oh no, oh no. And that when our body says no. Like it makes it so hard to actually even start the behaviors, right? So thinking through if I'm gonna let's say go on a weight loss journey this year.

And I think I'm gonna do, I'm making something up, keto, but I, you know, the thought of doing that just gives me nothing but dread, then that's a good indication that maybe the goal's not wrong, but your approach is not aligned to, you know, how you're feeling about it.

So you want to be thinking about or you want to be looking for either a neutral reaction in your body or something that feels good, but you know your body wet best and how your body responds. And if you know what dread feels like. And you're making goals for yourself and you're feeling nothing but dread, then that's a good indication that something probably needs to change or be recal recalibrated.

And then once you've got that goal that, you know, you're aligned to from your interests, your strengths, your values, and you've thought through the behavior itself, your body's on board with it. That's when you want to start building scaffolding. And I hope and I'm sure that many of you have heard this term before in the ADHD community. When you struggle with executive function, that means that I in my interpretation.

Sometimes it's just a struggle to think inside of your head and hold all the information you need to think about, like your short term memory and your working memory and deciding how things need to be done and remembering them, right? Like your your head is a very your brain is a is a beautiful uh organ, but it's a crappy place to store things and expect to remember them. So we want to build external scaffolding. To make sure that whatever our goal is.

We're gonna set ourselves up for success externally outside of our brain. So the first piece of that is environment. Environment is something that I think. is so important. When I started my business about four and a half years ago, uh, I knew that I would need the right setup in my space to keep me on track.

And the biggest part for my brain is I forget what I'm supposed to be doing and I get sidetracked and do something else. So what you can't see here is that I've got a monitor on my right side and a monitor on my left side. My right side monitor is where I do my work. My left side monitor is just my my daily agenda, my weekly agenda. So I'm constantly reminded because it's in front of my face of what I need to do next. And that is a small tweak that makes the world of difference.

I've got a stand-up desk, I've got a walking pad, these things help me stay focused and I can either sit down or stand up, but it keeps me in my place. And you almost want to think about your yourself as an external being that y you want to parent and set when I say that I mean like think about a baby or a child that you want to set the right intentions for or set up a space for them to be safe in and productive in. You want to think about yourself with that same

parental mind. Like what do I need to really set myself up for success? And sometimes that's just clearing space or making sure that your environment is calming or whatever it is that you need to approach your goal with

the right energy and the right level of um internal support, like you feel like your environment is working for you and not against you. And of course automation. Another, I think that first of all, automation is becoming more and more part of our lives, whether we like it or not. But when I think about something very simple, I set a goal for myself to aggressively start

saving for early retirement about 10 years ago. And at first, I would manually put um you know my uh 401k contributions monthly into um an account. And I did not love the fact that as I had to do this, first of all, I need to remember. And second of all, every time that I was doing this action, I would have to negotiate with myself a little bit, like, um, you know, I said I was gonna put in this much.

But I know I've got a lot of expenses coming up this month and you know, maybe I'll just pull a little back. That negotiation made the process, first of all, really difficult. And second of all, I wasn't saving uh at the rate that I wanted to. Once I started automating that process.

everything changed because, you know, I set a goal for myself of I want to get, you know, X amount of dollars in my 401k every year and I'm going to make that automated coming out of my account the minute, you know, I get my paycheck. And then there's no negotiation. So automation is a huge piece of setting any goal. And the more that you can automate, the less you're gonna have to rely on your executive function to remember and to choose in the direction you want to go in. And then to that end,

in just making sure that whatever you're doing, you're pulling away as many frictions as possible and making things as easy as easy for yourself as possible. And a big part of that is reducing the amount of choices that you have. Cause let's say you have a goal to eat healthy.

You're tired, you're hungry, you just need a snack, you're gonna reach for whatever feels comforting, unless you have things set up in your fridge or your pantry where you can grab them and be rest assured that it is a healthy option for you. So thinking through these things.

I know it may sound like table stakes or something that you've heard before, but as it relates to your goal, are you actually going through these processes to think about how you're gonna set things up so that you will be successful? Svenska ostklasiker finns med på prickarna när du fyller år, på BB efter förlossningen och i vardagen när allt är precis som vanligt. En liten del av det stora och en stor del av det lilla. Här går Präs och greve, svenska ostklassiker för små och stora traditioner.

Here's I think probably one of the most important things that I want to drive home. And this relates back to the quote that we had at the start of the presentation. Sometimes when you set all these things up and you set the right goal and you create this scaffolding you need to follow through, you actually do follow through, sometimes actually achieving the goal is the booby prize. This is what I've learned in my life.

I mean it's great to set goals and and achieve them and it feels good and it's nice to have whatever result you're looking for. But the cooler thing, the better thing, the thing that actually sticks around, because I mean the minute we set goals and and actually change a attain them, again, we move the milepost and we're off to the races on something new. But the thing that lingers behind. is this change in identity. You start to become this person who

says they're gonna do things and actually follow through. And I will tell you in a previous previous version of myself. I used to be someone who would set a goal and there would be a little voice inside my head, maybe a simpler one, that would say, Uh, You're not actually gonna do this. So, you know, whatever, get on with your day. And nine times out of ten, I would even start on it. You know, I might write it down, I might make a pretty plan and a pretty planner.

But it never goes further than that because that little voice is so empowered to um sabotage at every moment. And the only way to get rid of that voice. is to prove otherwise, right? So that's why we want to really think through our goals and make sure we're choosing them carefully and doing all that pre-work that I just shared with you so that it becomes less likely that that little voice is going to win. So This is actually the things that I did that helped me like squash that little voice.

I would celebrate everyone, everyone, because not only does that help me with my motivation and staying on track. it really does start to seep into your short term and long term memory that you are someone who follows through on the things that you say you're gonna do. That also applies to keeping small promises to yourself. If you know you gotta keep a com promise to yourself.

How like small does it need to be so that you will follow through? And small promises matter just as much as big ones, actually more, because the big promises sometimes we don't follow through on. So it's so much better to make smaller promises and Focus on persistence over consistency. I know uh consistency is like the you know the evil word for a lot of ADHDers who struggle with it.

But we're persistent. We will maybe not be as as a consistent as we need to, but we will keep pushing forward one way or the other. So lean on that. And again, tracking progress is so important to Not only letting that sink in, but also keeping your motivation up and what seeing how far you've come. But even if you do all of those things with, you know, complete and a hundred percent accuracy, the same thing is going to happen. And this is really where the rubber meets the road.

You have to anticipate that no matter how well planned this goal is, it's gonna get to that moment. I like to call it, you know, the dip of suck where it gets really hard to continue doing the things you committed to doing, right? Like that is going to happen for all of us. And Where previously you may have been inclined to say, well, this is the moment I'm going to stop. Like this wasn't the right goal. I need to do something else.

I'm going to show you something that I hope that you burn in your memory because it's going to be really helpful in those moments when you just wanna quit and start over again. This is the emotional cycle of change by Don Kelly and Daryl Connor. And this is really how we experience not just big long term journeys, like, you know, a weight loss journey, like any sort of long term goal, but it's also how we experience the behavior change that requires

us to do cer something we don't necessarily want to do in order to attain that goal. Right. So this happens on the macro level and the micro level. We start off with, you know, all kinds of optimism because we've never done this thing before. We think it's gonna be great, but we're really just focused on the outcome and we're so excited for it, right? And we get a little dopamine squirt from that because it's just, it's so exciting to have something shiny and new.

So we start moving towards that goal and At some point, and probably pretty soon, it's going to start getting boring or uncomfortable or inconvenient, or it's just, you know, something that anticip something you didn't anticipate pops up. Always happens with any goal, right? And you're gonna get into this uh un or sorry, informed pessimism where now you're starting to realize what's involved in this and it's not as exciting as it was originally.

And sometimes that's or previously that would be where I would give up and go back to uh uninformed optimism with a new goal. But sometimes I would make it to the valley of despair. And this is really where you push through this the hard part only to make it even harder. And you're just like, I don't know if I can push through this. This is when you've claimed, you know, I'm gonna go to the gym five days a week.

at five in the morning and you wake up on that third day and your body aches from the past two days. and it's dark and it's raining, it's cold and you don't want to get out of bed. This is when you're in the valley of the despair thinking, what have I signed up for? And two things are going to happen. You're either going to give up and go back to uninformed optimism with a new goal and say this is when's going to be entirely different.

And when you do that, you are going to erode your self-trust. That is where you start to feel that shame and blame and guilt. Or you can stay in that moment where it is the valley of despair. I signed up for this and I planned for this. I planned for these moments of, you know, deep dart su uh the sucky part.

And I know what I need to do in these moments. I either need to recalibrate, I need to lean on a support or accountability, or I need to have like um something that's just a little bit easier, but it'll still enable me. to push through on the behavior. Like for example, if you can't make it to the gym that day, maybe you have some dumbbells in your house and a 20 minute workout that you can press play on.

Just so that you keep the behavior going. You don't necessarily have to be perfect every time, but you're pushing through on that behavior, right? And then when you do that, And you start to realize that, okay, this is hard, but I can do it. Right. Like I've pushed through the hardest part and now I'm an informed optimism, knowing that it's gonna be hard, but also optimistic that

I can recalibrate and keep pushing through. And at some point you're going to meet success, either because you completed the workout that you didn't want to do that day or you can you completed your goal. And the great piece about this is not just the the great dopamine that we get when we actually, you know, become successful. But also that is the point where we realize, yeah, no matter

What I set if I set a goal for myself, even if it gets hard, I've proven to myself that I can follow through and actually get things done. And that's where you move away from that lack of self-trust. Towards this sense of trust in yourself that you are gonna set intentional goals that work for you because you never wanna break that chain of actually following through on them. And that's where I find myself today. And I can't tell you what a

difference it has made in the quality of my life overall. So here's just a few more tips in terms of enduring those like valley of despair moments. Cause I I I know that they are hard. First of all, you need to normalize the fact that that's gonna happen no matter what your goal is. It is gonna happen. It has nothing to do with you. You are not broken and you are not incapable of following through. It's just the valley of despair.

And you want to plan for it, like I said, with environmental support. and automation as much as possible, increasing the ability to follow through by rede reducing friction and just having as few choices to do something else as possible, or like, you know, a plan A and a plan B and nothing else.

And then of course just giving yourself grace because this is gonna happen. And there will be days when you are in the valley of despair and you don't push through. And that's okay. That's just data. This is all about collecting data, especially when you're doing something you've never done before.

when I was starting my business. I've done a fitness competition. I've done a half Iron Man. These are things I previously never done. And now that I know how hard they are, I don't know if I would do them again. Uh, but I learned a lot in the process about recalibrating based on how I'm feeling and not

immediately going to the default, I can't do this and I never follow through, but instead saying, what part of this approach is not working for me? And that's again how I work with my clients as we go through and

think about what's not working and why they can't show up and why they're avoiding or not following through or having a hard time getting started on a task. There's just something getting in their way. And rather than be rating yourself, which is not helpful, looking at it from a curiosity standpoint is going to take you a lot further in terms of actually recalibrating and pushing through. So bottom line, with all of these things as you're choosing your goals to go towards uh in 2026.

You want to think about adjusting and not abandoning. So you don't need to necessarily give up on the goal or give up on yourself. You just want to think about. What do I need to change here? Is it the timing? Am I going too fast and too hard? Or am I, you know, I just need to slow down like the amount of days that I I will actually engage in whatever behavior it is? Or do I need to recalibrate something in my environment or my support system?

to make sure that I do follow through. You can slow down how this is something that I say to myself a lot, both in business and when I'm working out. When I don't when I go through those moments of I just want to give up'cause I'm tired or I'm frustrated. I say to myself, you can slow down, but you don't have to give up and that is

Like just such a soothing mantra for myself. Maybe your mantra will be something different, but there you want to have something you say to yourself in those moments when you know, you do kind of wanna pack it in, but you don't, if you know what I mean. So That is the process that I have found super helpful for myself and working with clients, right? Really thinking through the goals that you want to attain for yourself and

There's a ton of tactics from that point where you've chosen the goal, you're confident, you've got your support system set up. That's when you actually want to put pen to paper and start planning when am I going to do this? and also ensuring that you've got the capacity to do it. So I have um uh barcode on the screen here. If you want a screenshot or or like maybe put your phone on it.

I have a template, a free template that you can use to actually go through the next part of taking this goal and building out a plan. So it's just a simple Google Doc. And it might help you to think through the next steps of your goal to actually get it towards.

something that you're going to be putting in your daily to-dos, your daily planner and following through on. But at this point, you know that whatever goal that you set has been well thought through and you know how to meet those valley of despair moments. with compassion for yourself, grace for yourself, and the curiosity to adjust instead of abandon. So that is um the

uh process that I've gone through. And um I was hoping or I'm assuming now that we have some questions uh either on this process or related to goal setting overall, then I'd be happy to answer. Wonderful. Karen, thank you so much. Um I'll say the the points that really stuck out for me in your discussion were this idea, the importance of aligning your goals with your interests, your strengths and your values for sure.

Also anticipating Your needs and adjusting your environment. A lot of people actually loved your example of having a screen dedicated to. your schedule and using that as an anchor um for your day. I think we're a lot of iPads are gonna find um a new use here today. Um and then for me personally the idea of reducing your choices.

um was was a powerful one. So one in particular, so to kick it off, we have a a therapist joining us today who said that she has a lot of problems with her Clients moving beyond the shame of past. failures I'll say, um and starting anew. So really shedding that skin. And I wonder if you can talk for a moment about that.

Shame and how it can hold us back and how we might be able to release ourselves from it. Well, I mean, I I I understand where it comes from and I've lived through it myself, right? Because when you say you're gonna do something and you don't follow through and then you not only s you know, uh struggle with the outcome of not following through, but then you struggle with the same shame sandwich, right? Like you you make that something about yourself.

It makes it really hard. First of all, like it makes it hard to get anything done when your executive function and your amygdala is going off and your executive function is solely focused on this this same shame sandwich that you have. Right. So In those moments, if you can catch yourself, that's when you want to approach it with compassion or and and ask yourself, like, what was it that got in my way? Or what what is it that um

What was it that wasn't working? And I think that a big piece of this comes back to capacity, where, you know, we we all want more and good things for ourselves, but if all we're ever doing is adding more to our plate. It makes it really hard to prioritize what's important. When we think about executive function, prioritization is a big piece of that. We see everything as urgent and important at once, which is why our brains probably go towards interest.

Right. So if if we know that about ourselves. it it's helpful to have this sort of framework in place. to think to myself, okay, I really want this, but I know that I need to take something off. And if you're not thinking about that and your life already feels very overwhelmed, as as indicated by like the first emotion that came up. then that's probably good indication that you need to think about capacity and give yourself a break because

We can only do so much and there's only 24 hours in the day and we only have so much resources to go around. So knowing what's important is I think at the base of that. Um, that aligns really well with that. first challenge that people identified from our list, which was the overwhelm. If, as you said, everything feels urgent and important, um, of course, uh overwhelm will follow. And That was a big, a big question. Um, we had, let's see, one person in particular said,

Even after setting everything up. So, in other words, the steps needed to achieve the goal, I start having terrible task paralysis. And I get frozen. Mm-hmm. Um, could you give us some steps we can take to break, you know, help break down um the the steps toward the goal or ideas for overcoming that test paralysis, sort of as you said, like acknowledging it with Uh self love. Yeah. And a nervous system check-in. Like if you are in paralysis.

Is it the goal that's making you uh feel paralyzed, or is it the goal and everything else you have going on the thing that's making it paralyzing paralyzing, right? And I think that for me, what has worked in those moments when everything feels urgent and important, and I just I don't know what to start on, so I do nothing. I find that verbally processing that. experience to be super helpful. And sometimes that's calling a friend or talking to your husband.

And I will be honest, I know some people are gonna have mixed r uh mixed feelings about what I'm gonna say next, but I verbally um verbally download everything into Chat GPT on the uh app, the phone app. that has a little microphone and I just say, here's everything that I need to get done and I don't even know where to start. Um and I have like a few preemptive questions that Chat GPT knows to ask me in order for me to help organize them myself. So I download it.

And then it mirrors back to me what I've already said, but because we are have like a little framework to work through because it knows what my priorities are and what's most important to me, it will then help me get through that. And it's not that I have Chat GBT. Um, you know, I it's not like I outsource my thinking to it entirely. The beauty of something like that is just having it mirrored back to you. So you can look at it and say,

This is either dead on or uh this isn't exactly what I wanted. And even that, you know, you just looking at it differently and in more of an organized uh list. can be enough to move you forward to it at least know what's most important. And when you've gotten to that point where it's like, okay, I know what's most important right now. Then you can either take steps to toward it, or you still feel that sense of paralysis, then that means whatever it is you need to do next.

is too big and it needs to be broken down. And if you struggle again with um breaking things down. AI can be really helpful in terms of, hey, this is the task I need to do. What would you suggest are the subtasks of it? And it may or be, it may be right, it may be wrong, but again, just looking back at something that's been mirrored towards you can be really helpful for you to make the decision of what it is you need to do next.

Right. And it takes some of that burden off your shoulders, even if it is just AI, like to to feel that you alone are not responsible for figuring this out, I imagine. Um and and and chat GPT. I will say we had a great comment here that I will share as a segue. Um someone wrote in to say I have a few accountability buttons.

One I meet with weekly. We help to ask each other about what we've said in the past about our priorities and we call it a staff meeting, even though we don't have a staff meeting. I love that idea. I love that idea too. That is precious. That is such a great thing to have s just be able to verbally process, have someone hear what you're saying, and then hold you accountable, even if in just a gentle way.

to follow up on what it is you said you were going to do. All of that just takes the burden off your brain and makes it so much more tangible. Yes, agreed. So moving on to the second challenge that was identified, that was the fleeting or unsteady motivation. And you spoke about this quite a bit.

In your presentation, a few people were asking if you could offer a few examples of how you celebrate small wins. So in my setup, my weekly planning process, which I highly recommend everyone have like a process where at the end of the week you review the week you had and plan the following week. It's in my template that I have to write down a couple of wins, right? Otherwise, I wouldn't do it. It's the first thing that would leave my mind. So

Whenever you want to do something that's important and you don't want to forget it and you want to make it a routine, think about how you can make a template around it and whether that applies to planning or anything else in your life. But That for me is the biggest part. And when I say um like I'll give you some examples of Small successes.

I today uh doing this presentation, that's a big success, but a small win when I was is thinking about the presentation, what I was going to do. Like that's an overwhelming task. So breaking it down with you know, today I'll do an outline and, you know, tomorrow I will uh think through like the first part of it. And every time I do something small, I then

Put that into at the end of the week goes into my template. And I actually have a database. So I'm a bit nerdy when it comes to the way I plan, but I have a database of wins. And in those moments where I'm struggling to go back to those database of wins and really see how far I've come.

It it is such a a great way to take yourself out of the spin where, you know, you can easily spiral into uh the pit of despair. It really does go a long way to be able to track these things and just Be able to look, even if it's just a notebook, to look back at the wins that you've done is such a a great way to practice being aware of how much you've done. Okay. Yes, I love that. Uh some people in the past have told us that um

Daily journaling can be very helpful for that. But even if that feels sort of laborious. Just like voice to text yourself. Like today, these things went well. And that's all, you know, that might be enough and to have that record. Um yeah, one more thing I'll add. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, we got a little bit of a delay. Uh one more thing I'll add. My husband and I used to do this and we got out of the habit of doing it. We've got to start doing it again.

When we sit down for dinner at night, we had to ask each other what are the three great thing what are three great things that happened to you today? And That forces your brain to actually go through your day and think about the successes you had rather than, you know, complaining about this happened or that happened. Like it it structures your conversation and it makes your brain think about the forward m momentum that you've actually made. So that's a great one to do with your family as well.

Okay. Yes. Um yeah, we try to get our teenagers to do something like that. It has a sporadic success rate at best. Um Okay, so the third challenge identified was perfec perfectionism. And um And then wrapped up in that at times, procrastination, right? Um we wonder if there if you have advice for moving past this idea that. Um Perfect is the only way. Um and kind of giving some voice to how that mindset can lead to the procrastination that we find so frustrating.

Yeah. Well, I think that comes back to when you're thinking about your goal, you want to ask yourself, what does success look like? Right. And this is not just about knowing that you've you've actually been successful, but it's really understanding. you know, what what it does technically look like. Because when we talk about perfectionism, that's um

It's an idea, but it like it there's not usually a vision in our head that it has to go this way or it's a fail. It's just more of like um a default thinking process. So if you know what success looks like and it's either and you wanna be careful with with metrics because Like for example, I have a YouTube channel. And if I said to myself, I want to hit two hundred thousand subscribers this year.

Well, there's a lot of things I can do to contribute to that, but ultimately I don't control how many people subscribe to my YouTube channel, right? So you wanna be careful to think about what are the things that I'm doing, the behaviors. that or the inputs that are gonna get me towards that goal and did I do them? And that is your barometer of success, right? The behaviors rather than whatever the outcome is, which I think we

we again can get over indexed on that. And that's what makes it so overwhelming. W no wonder, you know, you don't want to get started when you don't really have an idea of what the outcome is going to look like. And how you can actually get yourself there rather than, you know, wishful thinking on something that's outside of your control. So it's a big part of it, is just making it as tangible as possible. That's that's great advice and I I would love to share. We've got some

community members contributing some ideas about how to log those small wins that I really love. One Uh wrote in I have a wind's jar with accomplishments filled with different colored paper. When I'm feeling low, I pull from the jar. Oh, that's a good idea. Great idea. Great idea. And another wrote in to say WhatsApp allows you to create a group of one yourself. It's a great place to place notes or voice messages, very handy. I never knew that.

Never thought about using WhatsApp in that way. That's a great idea as well. Yeah. Um so Another big challenge was a busy life. Um, I know we can't solve all of that today, but.

A lot of people um writing in that it comes down to learning how to say no. Say no to others and putting yourself first. Any thoughts on that? That's a big topic. Absolutely.

I mean, I uh it's great. And prior to being able to say no, which is it is like is a beautiful boundary for yourself, is to again understand what's most important to you, right? Like Priorities can be a struggle, but if you are really clear about this is what's important to me in this season of life, and that's going to change based on your season.

then it makes it that much easier to make sure that the important things are at the top and everything else can kind of fall below. And different things are going to be up here at different like I said at different points of life, but knowing and being very emotionally connected to what's most important is

what's going to make that possible. Otherwise, everything feels important, right? So you want to think about your life priorities in a triangle rather than everything on the shelf. And if you keep adding things to the shelf, everything's pardon me going to fall off eventually. So Just having that in mind of, you know, having like a constant dialogue with yourself about what's important to you at this point is going to be the best place to start with that.

And I I think it can't be said enough that, you know, a a lot of people are writing in to say that they do suffer from people pleasing tendencies. And The reasons for that are good. They're valid, especially if you uh grew up with ADHD, and especially if you grew up with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD, um, that you may have a long history of feeling.

that you have let people down and or that you need to do more. Um, and I know that you have a a personal story along these lines. So I wonder if you might be able to just share some of how ADHD could lead to people pleasing behaviors and the fact that it's it's with You know, not without uh cause.

Yeah. Um I'm not quite sure what specific personal story you're thinking of, but I can't Oh late late diagnosis was my Oh yes, okay. Uh I was late diagnosed and I was diagnosed at fifty one and it again made everything a lot clearer. And I I don't know if it's the diagnosis and the awareness of the ADHD or and or getting older, but. I would say in the past four to five years, that has been something that I have been really focused on. And the thing that has helped me say no.

Uh, and it not just no, but look at, you know, is this relationship balanced? Is this nurturing me and serving me or is it draining me as it relates to any sort of commitment is the opposite of people please or sorry, really another way of um looking at people pleasing is

Self-abandonment. And for whatever reason that really stuck with me, that word, right? Like people pleasing almost sounds um, I don't know, like a bit I I for me it can sound a bit like a virtue sometimes, but when you think about abandoning yourself and how many times I've done that in my own life.

Oh, it really hits hard. And that that is again an example of an emotional connection to something where I may have a hard time working on people pleasing, but I have a much easier and invested time working on not abandoning myself anymore. Life is too short to do that. So when I think about it from that perspective and that reframe has really helped me to

pause and say to myself, you know, is this, is this worth, you know, whatever it is I have to do to actually execute on it? And also, you know, having more Afterthoughts about activities or things I've committed to and asking myself, was that nurturing or was that really draining? And When when you come across things that are draining Don't make that about necessarily about yourself or the other person or, you know, the thing that you did.

There's no um there's it's not about morality. It's about understanding your energy. And you know, everyone's wonderful people, but two people together may not be the right fit. And it doesn't mean one is, you know, in any way wrong or bad. It's just not Right fit. And as I've started to depersonalize a lot of saying no, it has made it easier to do that.

That's my uh takeaway quote. It's not about morality. No. It's about knowing yourself. Um and um going back to those big goals, right? Keeping those

as your guiding star. Um yeah. I I can't help but share a few more suggestions because there's so many good ones coming in from our listeners. Um Today, someone said they're a visual learner, so creating an they create an album in their phone with pictures showing their win. and things that they're proud of. Um, and they go back and and visit it, which I imagine is a nice little dopamine hit to uh to add to the benefit. And someone shared a, I love this list of of goals for this year.

Do one thing at a time, know the problem, learn to listen, learn to ask questions. Distinguish sense from nonsense, accept change as inevitable, admit mistakes, say it simple, be calm, and smile. Hmm. I think that's such a lovely list of um I won't even call them resolutions, just a lovely list of things to keep in mind for the for the new year. Um

A lot of great stuff coming in from our audience. And Karen, thank you so much for this presentation today. I learned so much and and feel more grounded for the year ahead and for my goals. So so thank you from a personal level and thank you for contributing to our community. Oh, my pleasure. It was so much fun. And thank you to everyone who joined us today for your collaboration and your ideas. Um if you have

More ideas for attitude webinars in the future. We are all ears. You can share them in the comments here or you can email us at any time at customerservice at attitude mag.com. We read all of your emails. If you would like to access the event resources. For today's webinar, you can visit attitudemag.com and search for podcast 591. The slides and recording will be posted a few hours after the live event.

If you're listening in replay mode, you can simply click on the episode description. And please know that our full library of attitude webinars is available as a podcast. It's called the ADHD Experts Podcast, and it's available on most streaming platforms. So to make sure you don't miss any future attitude webinars, you can sign up to receive our free email and newsletters. Yeah. and information. IKEA presenterar Ljud av förändring. Som när familjen växer snabbare än du tänkt. Välkommen!