Tina S.

This story has been recorded at an Addictive Eaters Anonymous meeting in New Zealand. You can email us at contact@AEAnz.org
It's the first Friday of the month, our speaker tonight is Tina, welcome Tina! 
Thank you Jill. Just amazes me I was sitting here thinking, gosh, these readings are going quick. They do when you're in the hot seat! (laughter) My name is Tina. I'm an addictive eater.
I was on the phone with somebody today we were talking about God. I got off the phone from her. And I thought ‘Yes. God is everything. Everything.‘
I have no idea what's going to come out of my mouth tonight. Which is in a way very good. All I know is that I was powerless to fix me. I was powerless... over everything really. I love what Di says when she talks about she didn't know how to do life. Because that has been my experience too. I ran from every hint of responsibility that there was. I just ran, I just used to get so scared. And I didn't know that my eating affected every other aspect of my life. I hadn't hadn't... I had no idea. And it was only when I came here that I learned what was really what's wrong with me that I had a disease called addiction. And I remember being absolutely over the moon, that I knew what was wrong with me - didn't stop me eating! But at least I knew what was wrong. And that's all I knew. I mean, you know, for a while. I remember coming to meetings, not really knowing what it was all about. But I came and that to me is a mark of the desperation that I had, which I didn't know I had. And life is so different today. Yeah, yeah I was thinking... I don't steal. I'm honest. I don't experience the rages that I used to have. I just am different today. And it's not something that I have done to fix me. Because I am powerless. I absolutely know that I am powerless. But I also know, I remember very clearly what Robin said. I remember her saying that she believed that if she just did the basics, like coming to meetings, trying to live according to the spiritual principles, which are our steps, that she believed that God got in and fixed her, that she hadn't fixed herself. And I'll never forget that. And I absolutely believe that today that I am powerless, over fixing it. I mean, that's what the second part of the first step is all about, that my life is unmanageable by me. I just wouldn't know how to fix me. Yeah. I did go to a psychologist at one point, but that was for a specific problem that I had. But all the other things. Whatever it was, I believe that God has fixed me. And all I've done is what all of you have done, that‘s it! But I do forget, you know a few couple of days ago I rang my sponsor and I said ‘I've had a frazzle of a morning‘ or words to that effect. And I poured it all out to her. And at the end of that I said to her, ‘I forgot God.‘ I absolutely believe if I had turned to God at that time and said to him, ‘I'm frazzled. Please help me,‘ he would have... and I wouldn't have been frazzled. But I completely forgot about God. So you know, to me, God is the be all and end all today. There is nothing that I can do. Without his help, is that 15 minutes? Because I tell you what, my head is a little bit wonky at the moment because all I can think about is King Charles‘ coronation. And that's what's been going on in my mind. I know it's not until tomorrow, but do you think I can leave it alone? But at least I'm here, today. So I will just leave it there and say, thank you for listening.