Hello, this speaker has been recorded at a meeting of Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For more information, visit our website www.aeainfo.org My name is Robin, and I am an addictive eater. This is God's show not mine. I wanted to just start with what it was like, which was pretty miserable. But I didn't know it was miserable. I thought that I was trying to live my best life and trying to control everything that went on
in my life. I was eating. But when I came back, it actually wasn't the food that was the thing that was most hurt hurting me it was the fact that my life was a mess. As you all know, I came back to Christchurch and I knew driving back to Christchurch that I needed to come back here. And so it took me a few months to get to the point where I was here, I knew that I wanted to just do what I was told, I needed to do something different than what I
had before. But actually, it wasn't the doing, or the or, or me thinking about what I needed to do. It was more that I had reached my rock bottom, I believe I was prepared to do what all of you or I could see that you were doing. So it just felt I knew that I was in the right place. But it just felt awkward, and different, and not easy. But I can honestly say that that's not the case now. And you know, I'm reminded of what I hear quite often, more
will be revealed. And I was thinking about this the other day, that, you know, I came here and tried to do my fifth step and share that with somebody when I think back it was quite sort of superficial. But I did the best that I could. But recently, I've been able to see more - it was because I realized that I didn't know why I realized it, but I just did, that I at times was quite distant. And it was just something that somebody had
said. And when I looked at that or was prepared to look at it, it was I saw the fear, more fear, the fear that I've lived with all my life. And the fear that I had thought I was the one that had to make me better. But I'm sorry, this is a bit disjointed. But I remember just a few weeks ago, Leonie... uh, Louise came into a meeting and she was asked to share and she said, I don't know. I just don't know. I thought yes, that's right! I don't know, I don't actually know what needs to get
better. What I do need to do is be here and try to live the way that I believe God wants me to live and the way that I see people living in the program. And I'll know what needs to be done. And I don't even actually have to do it. It's like being here is enough. And wanting it is enough to for the change to happen. And the change isn't hasn't really got a lot to do with me. So what's happened as a result of that is that I want to
be here even more. And it's like, I can't, I can't try to control things or fix things or be anything other than here. Sounds so frustrating to say that, but it's so true. When I look at my experience, the the relationships that I have with the higher power or the God of my understanding is very different than the God that I had when I came back. And I couldn't I can't explain it, but it just is different. And I'm, I'm really happy with that.
Like, I don't have any fixed idea about a religious God or a particular faith or anything. It's just it's kind of like a flower blooming. I don't mean I'm the flower that's blooming. I mean that the life that I'm beginning to have and see is one of a bloom rather than something that's happened as a result of me following, yeah as a result of me doing something but I think that's all I want to say.