Lynnette C.

This story has been recorded at an Addictive Eaters Anonymous meeting in New Zealand. You can email us at contact at AEAnz.org 
Tonight, it's being the first Friday of the month, we have we have a speaker. Welcome Lynette.
good, I'm here, I'm where I need to be. And yeah, tonight.
Straight into it! And,
and that's okay. Because, yeah, there's no way I have to be when I'm here. And when I'm sharing I, I just am the way that I am. And, you know, that's different to the day, I was, you know, the way I was when I first came here. And actually, it's different to how I was last week here. And
you know, I always wanted to change and I couldn't, things didn't change, no matter what I tried, and, but, you know, here, things have and things are changing. So
you know, when I was really working on the exercise or, you know, had a bag of horse carrots or something and just ate them all day, instead of you know, all the stuff  that I wanted to eat, it was a continual
whatever, what have you, you know, I was tired. And I had tried all of these things. But also one day I I woke up and there was a new level inside me of I don't want to be like this. And that was quite a fresh, different way, for me. I had a new openness to... was that I didn't know what to do. But I knew that I just did not want to be like this and and I went searching because that's all that I could do. And I went to counseling and I knew that I would be
And I was, but there wasn't an answer there for me.
Even though I did exactly what they suggested, you know, on every level, I did what they suggested, but it was still another, probably two years before I made a phone call about coming here. I thought that that was a very weak thing to do. But I came here and I was,
you know, immediately confronted with the opposite of weakness, and the here were people who understood and knew they had lived, what I was living, that, that obsession and that powerlessness. And I heard people talk in a way that I'd never heard before. Mostly, you know, there was the talk about the food, but they spoke about their behavior in a way that well, you know, I heard things and I just thought well you know, how embarrassing, you know, well, actually, I was doing the same thing, the same types of things, but I sure as heck wasn't telling anybody. And
was, you know, troubled by life, because life was not how I wanted it to be. The people around me weren't how I wanted them to be.
And neither was I. And basically, I came here, I heard that, you know, I needed to ask somebody to help me, that took a lot of bravery. And but I did it. And when I spoke to that person, they said, Yes, that they would help me provided, was I prepared to go to any lengths?
there was nothing about ME stopping me. But I suddenly, you know, had enough, I was able to, you know, do what was suggested.
So that was taken care of, and, you know, of all miracles, suddenly, I did not have a weight problem very quickly, I lost weight.
But I sat in the meeting, and sat there as a normal size, and knew that I needed as much as ever to hear what I heard here. I needed that, you know, that treatment for what was wrong with me, because it wasn't, it wasn't just the weight it was living life on life's terms. You know, it was, that is what I struggled with, as much as I struggled with the food, it turned out and I've, I've got that here. It's always been here for me. And so, yeah, I've never not wanted to come. And in the time that I've been here, more than just the weight has changed, you know, other, many other things have changed and are continuing to change, because and I've never doubted that they will, because everybody I hear here that is what is happening for them too, that they are talking about things that are you know, continuing to change for them. And so yeah, I'm no different. And I'm not doing anything different. And today, you know, I'm actually just so full of relief and gratitude that,
you know, really big things for me are some, you know, feels suddenly but are changing. And it's not because I've learned and become able to do and behave differently. It's unknown. It just turns out that yeah, I am seeing things you know, this is not just, you know, things aren't just swimming along and suddenly I think
they're getting better, actually, there's things that I'm finding very difficult and troublesome, you know, relationships, people, home, I can give you some examples, you know, because this is the stuff that I've had to go to my sponsor with, and share at meetings and things, you know, very regularly because it is the stuff that I I find difficult. You know, I hear in meetings about people who have,
you know, great relationships with people with very excellent character, fine examples, and, you know, sometimes I deal with situations where, you know, there aren't fine examples of behavior, in my opinion, you know, stuff that I find very difficult. And, you know, and that's where I have to, you know, work this program, that's where I end up in a position where I don't know what to do, I can't make things okay, for me, you know, just recently, I was saying how right I was about another situation that was unacceptable to me. And suddenly, I could just see see things differently, like, you know, I have, I guess, you know, the old ideas old ways of, of being that I just feel so deeply inside me that I, I am right, and yeah, just recently with one of those, you know, some other thoughts came in, like, and I'm so worked up that I what I think is right, and what's happening is wrong, that
Okay, well, actually, you know, the results of this other person's actions are going to take years and years and years, to be the problem that I think it's going to be. I need to be alive, you know, for it to affect me, you know, if it all pans out how I think it's going to, and, you know, I think it's going to affect somebody else well, they need to be alive. And given that they are a generation older than me, you know, that might just not be the case. And suddenly, I was able just to leave that situation alone. There was actually nothing I needed to do. And, you know, I could just see that one minute being so deeply troubled, to being at peace with it, you know, what's the difference? Well, it's just my jolly thinking, you know, that's all that's in the way of me, you know, having that...
I made a decision took an action, and somebody was mad with me about that, you know, they were very annoyed about it. And normally, that gets me going on a Oh, My, God, that, you know, they're so
you know, I'm so angry with them, you know, this is ridiculous look what I've got to put up with, you know, and the my mind runs away with it, you know, and I can listen to it for far too long. And on that occasion, I just thought actually, that's entirely their problem. And I moved on very quickly.
And I also didn't hate them. It didn't carry on, and that wasn't anything about them. That was just my thinking. That, you know, saved me a whole lot of bother, in the fact that I was on my way to a meeting.
Maybe I just finish there. Oh! I was telling somebody else the other day, I'll just finish on this.
here too so yeah I'm very very grateful and I look forward to listening to others again. Thanks.