Katie B.

This story has been recorded at an Addictive Eaters Anonymous meeting in New Zealand. You can email us at contact@AEAnz.org
It is the first Friday of the month and we've
got a speaker and welcome Katie. 
Thank you. Hi, I'm Katie. I'm an addictive eater. Excellent. It's really good to be here. And I looked through the big book for a bit of a inspiration today, and I love the story, 'The Keys Of The Kingdom'. And she describes really well what I was like in my eating, she talks about going to doctors and the doctors found nothing ''Just an unstable woman, undisciplined, poorly adjusted, and filled with nameless fears. Most of them prescribe sedatives and advised rest and moderation.'' I heard a really good story. This week at an online meeting about a member who is visiting a family holiday home and being surrounded by a beautiful place and just being reminded of in our eating we're blocked from that. So you could be in you know, Paradise. But it doesn't feel like Paradise because all I'm thinking about well for me is myself and food and how I want to eat more and how I'm hungry and how I need to exercise and how I'm fat. So no matter where I was, yeah, life was was not fun for me. I had a that reminded me that story reminded me of when I first came into these rooms. I was driving in the car with my father and there was a magnolia tree in bloom. And I looked at it and I was completely gobsmacked. And I said, ''Wow! Look at that tree Dad!!'' And he just looked at me like I was bonkers because I'd lived in the same place my whole life probably driven past that tree a million times. But it was like, I had never saw it. Because that's kind of how I lived my life. My life was just filled with self centeredness. So I think a really good way to describe me is the three words in the book where it says restless, irritable, and discontent. And that's how I felt from a young age, even though wonderful things were around me and you know, coming from a loving family and everything. I was just blocked from that. Yeah, my eating started when I was 12. And I got very, very quickly the disease progressed. So I started starving myself. And I loved the effect of that. So my parents put me in therapy. And I went to therapy for a year and I was cured. Because I could make a mess in the therapy room with paintings. And they thought since I wasn't so trying to be perfect all the time, then I was okay. And I'd started eating more. But for me, I just felt like a failure. Because I wasn't starving as much and I thought starving was a successful thing, so. Anyway, I went on my merry way and got worse. And I'm just you know, I did lots of things to try and control and enjoy my eating. Vomiting was a big part of my story. I bingeing and vomiting, I, I always share about how I would never be a bulimic that because I remember reading somewhere that to be a bulimic, you had to vomit three times a week. And I thought I would never do that. I might have vomited three times that DAY, but it didn't count, because I'm never going to do it again after today. And that's kind of what it was like. And that went on for many years. Yeah, so when I got here, I was full of the delusion that I wasn't that bad. And I listened to stories and I thought, 'Oh, they're so extreme.' People talked about it being a disease. And I don't know, it just, it just all sounded a bit too serious. You know, people talked about recovery being the most important thing in their lives. And I don't know I thought I wanted to have a life at that time, which is kind of funny to me now, because I didn't have one but there were things I was interested in and kind of chasing those things. So I got distracted. But then more eating convinced me that what was shared here was the truth. And this is an illness of the mind, body and spirit and the only chance I have at a decent life is giving myself fully to this program. So I'm really grateful that I wanted recovery. I was attracted to what I saw here, in the story she described so beautifully about what it was like for her when she found this fellowship. Yeah, and just talking about being attracted to what was on offer here. You know, there, there are people who are peaceful and lead good lives, and they're of service to other people. And I just wanted that I just wanted to be a decent human being. And I'm grateful for that. Yeah, and I believe that is a higher power, the grace of a higher power within me that wants me to be here and allows me to be here and finds joy in being here. And here's the truth when I'm here. I believe that's a higher power. And I don't know how it works for other people. But for me, they're just when I come here, and I'm around you all, yeah, just everything is okay in the world. And and I love that. Says here on page 312 of the third edition, ''There is no more aloneness, with that awful ache, so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing, before, could ever reach it. That ache is gone, and never need return again.'' Yeah, so it's wonderful to be in a face to face meeting. I know, we've been online quite a lot for the past few years. And that's a change for our fellowship, but nothing beats face to face contact with other sober members who are well, and living this way of life. And just helped me in so many areas of my life. So I'm really, really grateful for that. I haven't really talked about the steps. I don't know, I just like this package deal of it. This is a design for living. Yeah, I've been to lots of book studies where you go through the steps. And that's all wonderful, too. But at the end of the day, it's the design for living that I love I love the whole package. How can I? Yeah, how can I be of service to others? How can I have conscious contact with a higher power to help me in all areas of my life, and then just do my best to give. One of the things I love the most about recovery is that there is a semblance of more self acceptance now, I still am pretty harsh with myself in my head. But most of the time, I can let those thoughts go. And you know, feel pretty okay, in my own skin, most of the time. I went to my Auntie's last night, and I was just talking about her son who was in this fellowship. And she said, the most wonderful thing for her when he got sober was that she could have a real conversation with him. And that was incredibly wonderful for her. And that's, I thought that was a really good way of describing my experience of sobriety, like those walls or those barriers between other human beings are not there as much. I mean, still, in my head, I can, you know, have judgments or get in self doubt, or whatever, but most, but a lot more of the time, you know, you can have a real genuine relationship with another person, which is a wonderful thing. And, you know, just talking with my Auntie about God and her church and her work and her family and you know, struggles in her family, it's just, yeah, it's just great to be part of the human race. And that was just so incredibly hard for me. I didn't know about the timing. Is anyone gonna beat me? No?! (laughs) Okay, so that's probably enough from me. Maybe 'There Is No More Aloneness' is a topic if, if people would like to share on that, thank you very much