Hi, this speaker has been recorded at a meeting of Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For more information, visit our website www.aeainfo.org This is the first Friday of the month and on the first Friday of the month, we have a speaker who will tonight happens to be Carla and she will share with us and over to Carla. Thanks Leonie, kia ora everyone. My name is Carla and I'm an addictive eater. I'm very grateful to be at this meeting.
Yes. So the first person I talked to, from this fellowship, of Addictive Eaters Anonymous, what she said was the words that she said were, 'as far back as I can remember, I was fascinated with food.' And that was the first time I'd heard someone, say something around food that I could completely identify with.
Because I just related straightaway, as far back as I can remember, I had been fascinated with food as well, when we were having it, how we were having it, you know, I can close my eyes and picture my mother's pantry, you know, how she had covered the different containers and where, where the good stuff was, you know, the top shelf was where the top shelf stuff was. And that, for me, it was the biscuits with the pink icing in the 100s of 1000s.
And interestingly, also, that's where the medicine cabinet was. And I always had a bit of interest in that as well, I, you know, remember, at a young age, just trying trying stuff, just I remember trying the inhaler one time and, you know, just just trying stuff. It didn't have to be the top shelf stuff, if there wasn't top shelf stuff there. I could I remember, when my sisters were born, getting into the rusks, you know, they had the risks that you could, you could chew and you know, suck
and swallow. I remember having a really liked, we had lambs grew up in Hamilton. So my dad worked for a farming company. So we would often get lambs that we had to feed and you know, I'd love the milk powder, just just straight into my mouth, you know, teaspoons and milk powder. And so yeah, it was definitely I could, you know, she said what I
could relate to. And then the longer I stayed in, the longer I still stay I still hear things that people were saying about their eating, or the way they you know, they ate or, you know, they would say things like, 'once I started, I couldn't stop.' I heard, you know, you know, others talking about, you know, the light switch, you know, the, you know, it was either I was either dieting, or
I was eating. And when I was dieting, at some point, the switch would go down, and I would just start eating again. And I had never heard people talk like that about food. I just I really related to that food kind of obsession, I wouldn't have known that obsession was the word but you know, that constant thinking
about food. And then for me from a very, very young young age, that constant thinking about weight, and, you know, just all all, the I don't know, all the embarrassment, and all the shame and the guilt that came with being very overweight and obese. All my all my growing up years. I think I went on my first diet when I was about 10 or 11. And that was because I was overweight, there was a need to lose weight. But that just was it just kept on that just kept on and kept on until I came
here. So every year I could lose 10 or 20 I think up to 30 kilos was the most that I ever lost. But then every year, like I said, when that light switch went off, I would just start eating again. And all of that weight would get put on and more. And when I say embarrassment with my weight, like I you know, when I came here, you know the things that I thought would get solved and these problems for me were things like how do you stop chafing in between your thighs in the summer? Like how do you
just stop that rubbing? What do you do about the fact that you know, I'm very short to go with the very overweight. So what do you do about the fact that to get your safety belt around you, you have to have the car seat back... But then that means that that you can't reach the steering wheel. Because that was, that's where it got to. And I'm like, you know, kind of trying to reach. But if I had the seat where I needed it to be, to be able to reach, then I couldn't get the safety belt
around me. I just the first time I ever met Clarke, my husband, we were at youth group and I sat on a table and I broke it. Just, you know, very, that's very humbling, you know, very kindly, he cleaned it up for me, and he's been cleaning up my mess ever since. I left a bit of a mess this evening. And just just all of that stuff, I remember going for a job interview. And because my weight was always going up and down, when I would lose weight, I would buy
clothes. And then I would keep on wearing till wearing them basically until they broke. And I remember going for a job interview and stepping out of the car and my backside just going KKKKKKRRRRRPPPP and just ripping a beautiful blue, blue woollen suit that I had bought from the shop that Quins, Quins in Merrivale long time ago, Quins in Merivale a beautiful blue woollen suit and my mother had changed the buttons to have silver buttons. And I loved that was a beautiful suit. And I felt
really good in it. And yeah, I stepped out of the car and I broke the backside and I had to go into Farmers and buy the only black trousers that could fit me; was one pair of black trousers that could fit me and that was all that I could wear. And just just all of those, all of those things that come with being overweight, but also like, not having, like, I just could
not do anything about it. You know, like the diets, the constant dieting and the constantly losing weight, like I just I couldn't do it anymore. And by the time I came to these rooms to a 12 step fellowship for food, you know, like I just I didn't have another Monday in me. That was another thing I heard somebody say in a meeting, she said, 'I don't have another, I didn't have another Monday in me.' And I could just relate to that as well. Because Monday was gonna be the day that I started.
Monday I was it was everything was going to change. This was the diet that was going to do it. And I just I didn't have it me anymore. I had nothing. And so that boyfriend became we were were engaged to get married. And the couple of weeks before I came into this fellowship we were planning our wedding, we were getting married in a year's time. And because I knew I didn't have another diet in me, I had decided that I wasn't going to lose weight, I decided that I would try to start eating
healthy. And for me that meant that I was going to stop eating chocolate. That was all I could agree to give up was the chocolate. At least that'll be a start. I thought I'm not giving up the ice creams, or the lollies or anything else but I'll give up the chocolate. So that was my New Year's resolution the year before I came here. Or, you know, the weeks in the weeks before I came
here. And that night was a terrible New Year's and I was pacing myself because for me I'm addicted to food and to other substances. And same for me with alcohol once I start I can't stop. I had the food though, but but I was pacing myself because there were so many New Year's that I never got to see because I started drinking too early. So I had decided that particular night that I wasn't going to start drinking until 11 o'clock at night because maybe that way I'd have a hope of seeing
midnight. That was the plan. But before that, there ended up being some family dramas and I had to go pick somebody up and it was all then they had to go to hospital and bla bla bla and we said Happy New Year's to the to the ambulance drivers - Drama Galore - and I went past I drove on our way back from the
hospital. I drove past a service station was on the corner of Lynwood and Gloucester Street or Worchester Street or somewhere there and there was a big big sign that said 3 chocolate bars for $2 which tells you how many decades ago that was. And I stopped because I couldn't not stop and I bought my 3 chocolate bars for $2. And in my head in my mind, my New Year's resolution hadn't started yet because I hadn't gone to sleep.
It was past midnight. But that was the thing about my eating is I could always justify my eating always. And so I walked in to my first meeting, I talked to this first woman that, you know, that was free of that obsession. And she talked to me about the disease of addiction. She said that I was bodily and mentally different from my fellows. And she said she'd she gave me the solution. She talked about those 12 steps. She talked about how to give up the food, just like an alcoholic gives up
alcohol. She gave me a way, she said what she did to give up the food and to make it as clear for her as it was for alcoholics. And, and I was just blown away, actually blown away. Because I was blown away, because I thought I might lose some weight. Wasn't actually blown away, because I thought there was a solution. And I might be able to live free of that obsession. I was just like, 'oh woohoooh, maybe I can lose some weight!' And so I just started
doing what she was doing. I was started going to lots of meetings. We were this was up in Auckland. So there were lots of people to carry the message to and do 12 Step calls. And I just went along with this other, this other young woman. And I remember a week after I'd been into the fellowship, there was another new person at the meeting. And afterwards, just like she'd done with me, we went and talked to her, she, she, you know, this person was talking to this new person. And I just sat
there and listened. And even a week later, I know that I heard more, the second week when we were when she was talking to this other newcomer. And I just remember this newcomer turning to me, and she said, 'How do you know that this is the right thing to do?' Or something to that effect, she wasn't asking this person who was well, she was asking me after one week. And what came out of my mouth
was, 'I don't know. But I have to, I have to, I have to... do, think I even said the word TRUST, like I have to trust that that's that it's the right thing.' Now, I don't think those were my words. And I think at that point, because I don't think I would have actually consciously thought that but, you know, I think that what I've learned here is I, I show up, and I try and practice those steps to the best of my ability, which includes surrendering, it's a spiritual program. It's a
spiritual program. And I hope that by being sober, you know, by not picking up the first one by going to these meetings and working these steps, that I have a chance to be useful to others that I have a chance to say something or, you know, by my actions be an example of the power of this fellowship and the power of a higher power, you know my higher power working and doing for me what I cannot do
for myself. It's taken it took a long time for me to really get to that point of it just not being about the weight, but about being my whole life. And realizing that, really, really getting to that point of understanding that my life is unmanageable by me. But again, very grateful. And really, all I've done is just keep coming back to these meetings. I. Yeah, I'm very grateful that there is a solution. I love our preamble where it says we get to live meaningful and productive lives.
Because, you know, I like to think that I, I like to think I, no, I know, I don't no, I don't think I know, that I give more than I take. I hope anyway, I hope that that is the case that I give more than I take, because I get given so much. My life is so blessed and so full. But I hope that I can give back even in just a small measure. And maybe not make things better. Although I hope I make things better. At least not make it
worse. I just know that the balance would be I would just be making life miserable for so many people if it wasn't for this way of life. So I might leave it at that. And thank you very much for asking me this to share. Thank you.