On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather breaks down her weekend in the NATH EAST. She describes the absolute savage tour Robin took her on around Bahstan's Lil Italy, and how she would leave Jeff for a union theater guy in a heartbeat. She has been on the hot trail of Taylor Swift and wants no drama from the fans. She also hits the hotline for some outrageous Voicemails. Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE...
May 31, 2023•57 min•Ep. 211
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with friend and hilarious comedian, Adam Ray. They discuss how they both got their start in Show biz in the 6th grade because they we're chubby children. Take a walk down memory lane- to remember the good ole' days of high School theater and frat/sorority life. Discuss how a good chicken salad sammie will make you want to sit on someone's face and how much they love to feel pure joy with their dogs. To celebrate May, Mental Health ...
May 24, 2023•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 210
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's back is out but her attitude has returned. She's learning hard lessons like "everyone's an asshole", "if you dont have a core, you're body will shut down" and "Dont get stabbed in Pittsburgh"- She hits the hotline to try to make sense of why dentists ask you questions with their hands in your mouth and more! Episode Sponsors: Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulknation wide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code...
May 17, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 209
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather sits down with Jordana and Jared, hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, to talk about why couples pranks might be the worst side of TikTok, teach Jared maybe too much about feminine hygiene, and break down everything from relationships to why it just might be too late to save the turtles. Episode Sponsors: Shop jackets, jewelry, furniture, art, and more, made for all budgets and any occasion on Etsy . New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for 10% off ...
May 13, 2023•56 min•Ep. 208
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather hits the hotline and answers your voicemails about the thrills of becoming a regular at a bar, how cheering on the elderly should be a regular thing, what to do if there is a kids gifts registry for a bday party and should you break up with someone if they take you to a swingers party? She’s helping one listener at a time and questioning her own existence as to why she doesn't have a live-in hibachi chef. Episode Sponsors: If you're looking ...
May 10, 2023•58 min•Ep. 207
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in, at the Memphis airport, ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more! Episode Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Zocdoc.com/absolutely a...
May 03, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 206
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather and Jeff are taking a walk down memory lane in their old neighborhood. They have some advice for the Rat Czar of the city and take you behind the scenes of what a VIP experience at the Garden has in store for the local celebs. A Homeless man calls Heather a lesbian, and so so much more! Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel ...
Apr 26, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 205
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with the ultimate SCAMMMMER, Ray, to discuss how they scammed their way into the masters, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They are honest and raw about how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on th...
Apr 19, 2023•53 min•Ep. 204
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Augusta with a new business idea that will take doggy day cares, water parks, and sushi restaurants to the next level. She hits the Absolutely Not Line to discuss sister fights, being hungover and how we need to rephrase the term "were trying". She's back on the road and saltier than ever! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the sho...
Apr 12, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 203
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the DMs answering your hard-hitting questions from how to deal with fuckboys and HOA drama to what she'd want to be reincarnated as in the next life. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Episode Sponsor: Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn...
Apr 07, 2023•50 min•Ep. 202
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a weekend of shows in the Lonestar state and wants everyone to know she has figured out the answer to world peace- a simple San Antonio Fiesta. Slap a little Barbacoa on a shell and sit down with your neighbor- its that simple- actually she is on the verge of a full nervous breakdown and becomes so completely unhinged she needs to call into her own HOT LINE. She explains the new viral sensation, "Yummy Water", refreshes everyone...
Apr 05, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 201
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from her weekend of shows at the Ryman where she set the fire alarm off in the middle of a tropical storm on Broadway! She hits the hotline and answers questions like “how does one get pink eye on a solo self care trip?” And “should we ban bachelorettes?” Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in...
Mar 29, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 200
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is keeping it 100% that some days you just need to get into the back corner of your closet, suck on a J Crew sweater and scream. She's fresh from the road and trying to find the balance of staying uber professional and honestly, just not giving AF! The Voicemails are insane but also a fresh reminder to have manners at a theater, you dont get free refills in New York- and if you were fighting for your life as a kid in basic reading classes- wh...
Mar 24, 2023•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 199
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off her shows in New England and ready to buy a house next to the Bush family on the beach. She felt the cool crisp seabreeze across her tits and its reinvigorated her to take on turning 36 with gusto! She makes a list of all of the things she still wants to do before 40 and it turns out its just two things. She also hits the hotline and answers your questions like "do you want my grandma" and "why did a woman in florida try and brea...
Mar 15, 2023•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 198
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from serving her country by performing comedy for drunk white women. Not only did she get to visit the white house, but bamboozled her way into the hearts of the national press and will never have to worry about unflattering TMZ photos ever again. She also hits the hotline and tries to make sense of why women can't open marinara jars and how do we stop our elderly mothers from getting swindled by ex-cons. That and more! Please note t...
Mar 09, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 197
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the studio with friend of the pod, Raymond Padilla, to talk what they're giving up for lent, Ray getting high on THC drinks and channel their inner Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Then they hit the Instagram DMs for some listener Q&A. Episode Sponsor: Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting w...
Mar 03, 2023•48 min•Ep. 196
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is fresh from the Philly show where she may or may not have gotten in trouble for being a little too honest with the sports takes a little too soon. She got cookies hand-delivered to the stage by one of her favorite chefs, and later it almost got sticky for everyone at the Ritz-Carlton Club. Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to discuss Uber drivers doing too much, when to die with the lie, and doubling down on some get back for one ...
Mar 01, 2023•59 min•Ep. 195
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather introduces her new little nugget Macaroni to the world with a real attitude. Heather is coming in hot because she already knows some woman named Willow is gonna bitch that she didn't rescue- but the defense will rest that she freaking TRIED! Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to answer questions like- "what to do if you get a pube stuck in your throat?" to "why did my boyfriend break up with me after he found out I have an incurable d...
Feb 22, 2023•57 min•Ep. 194
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a weekend sling jokes in the midwest! She saw a woman smoke a blunt while buying Zyrtec, ate some pasta in Ohio, and had a lovely gal sneak into her dressing room in indiana! I FOUND YOU!!! If the midwest doesn't keep you on your toes, well then hell, nothing will! She hits the Absolutely Not line to learn about the beef between Iowa and Indiana and has a moment of self reflection. Please note that this episode may contain paid ...
Feb 15, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 193
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is sitting down with business gal and bff, Christina Tompkins- also know as TINA! They are reporting live from the turks and caicos on a very important Business trip, or at least that's what the accountant told them to say it was. They cover everything from vacation enemies, Robin's cough, what to look for in a man and a primary care physician. They solve to world one problem at a time, why? Because it's the year of the Rabbit! Please note t...
Feb 08, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 192
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is home from a wild weekend of shows in Augusta and Charleston. A woman tried to sit in Jeff's lap, she found a scammer at a hotel valet in Augusta and her to-do list is too long but she's keeping the attitude fresh.... until she fights with a crazy woman who is calls into the hotline to justify keeping her christmas tree up all year. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products...
Feb 01, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 191
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from Texas with cedar fever and some new boots. She is taking a quick breath before she is back on the road again this weekend to listen to your insane voicemails. One girl is starting a business and another is hooking up with a Bouncer who threw her out. It's a wild ride and we're leaving no stone unturned. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the sh...
Jan 25, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 190
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live, from Austin,Texas! She narrowly made it to her hotel after riding in a maroon escalade with a drug dealer named Charlie, but is staying positive and looking at the brighter side of life. She got into a soft encounter with a woman doused in Aussie mouse and a man making 10 million dollar deals on the tarmac. She also hits the Absolutely NOT line to discuss y'all's bullshit too. Please note that this episode may contain paid...
Jan 18, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 189
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off a z-pack from Mexico and the ride of her life through the sofi stadium to be an SEC ally for the dawgs. She is sniffling her way through a week of LA work but truly no days off because tinseltown wait for no one. She discusses her own pretty woman moment at the Beverly Hills Hotel but how she reassured the staff that even though everyone at the Polo lounge has a soft southern accent- they werent gonna walk out on their tabs. Stay...
Jan 13, 2023•49 min•Ep. 188
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is ringing in the new years with fresh boundaries with her negative CVS. She will no longer allow their filthy carpet and refusal to take her insurance dampen her mood!! She has realized that sometimes you need to just sit in the shallow end of the pool, and think about shit on the steps, before you dive into the deep end of life! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individ...
Jan 04, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 187
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows and doomsday prep for the 2023 shit show season. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was- It is too touchy of a subject that I guess they will push on to their therapists 10 years down the road. They both realize they need to learn a tangible skill like flying or boating, and Jeff prom...
Dec 30, 2022•52 min•Ep. 186
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws. Please note that this episode may conta...
Dec 21, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 185
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with friends and road dog, Andrew Collin. They are fresh off 3 shows in the midwest and recording live from a Hilton in Grand Rapids where the vibes are good but the temperature is frigid. Andrew and Heather discuss staying motivated, only working to 70% of their potential and what they would tell to their younger selves. This podcast is the least bit motivating and they are both idiots. Please note that this episode may contain pa...
Dec 14, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 184
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise! Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re rea...
Dec 07, 2022•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 183
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help. Sponsors: Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go t...
Nov 30, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 182
