On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after a very stressful and eventful week. Definitely feels like she can't get her neck above water and brings you along her insane days. She relives her experience at the emergency vet that could rival The Pitt, getting her pap on her anniversary, and receiving a very special gift that may be light at the end of a very long tunnel. She then takes voicemails about how the rest of the world is also on on fire and one caller's decision to move ...
Jun 25, 2025•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 331
This week, we're pulling another classic episode out of the archives for the newcomers. This one features one of the wildest voicemails we've heard yet, a mom having to break the holy water out for her daughter, and a surprise cameo from Robin. Episode Sponsors: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely . Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. For a limit...
Jun 18, 2025•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 330
On this episode, Heather welcomes her friend from the internet Tinx to the pod after they both separately went to Beyonce the night before! They question why they have never met up for a 3 martini lunch and why finance bros get to enjoy them all the time. They connect on being pulled in too many directions and how they should start the Artist Way this summer. With an overdue book proposal, Heather asks Tinx about her book writing process after her new bestseller- Hotter in the Hamptons. Prolon i...
Jun 12, 2025•59 min•Ep. 329
On the episode, Heather is fresh off her NYC takeover—including a memorable night at The Beacon. Now she’s back in her basement, recording old-school style and fighting off whatever funk the universe sent as a reminder to sit down and reset. She’s booking check-ups, trying new beauty hacks, and figuring out what’s going on with her wonky wrist. Plus, she shares her run-in with cosmetic consultation scammers, the betrayal of high-calorie coffee orders, and why she’s dreaming of climbing Mount Eve...
Jun 04, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 328
On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions. They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters. Episode Sponsors: For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscriptio...
May 28, 2025•59 min•Ep. 327
On this episode, Heather welcomes Kelsey Cook to the podcast studio. Kelsey is another fabulous comic that is on tour and has released her new special, Mark Your Territory. They connect on never being to Coachella, the similarities of boomers and millennials, survival jobs and where they stand on Crumbl cookies. Kelsey also finds out that she is actually another race because she is a red head. Episode Sponsors: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by g...
May 28, 2025•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 326
On this episode, Heather is in the studio after a big weekend performing at her home theatre - The Fox. She chats about how doing a show at home can be more stressful than any other cities and how the acquaintances come out of the woodwork to get those free tickets. She tries to relax on Sunday by putting out all her lawn furniture for the summer but the heat index had other plans. She is excited to get to NYC for her show at the Beacon and her week in the city. She gets to take some voicemail a...
May 21, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 325
On the episode, Heather is feeling nautical (and musical) in a fully bedazzled ship captain’s hat. She has some hot takes on the newly appointed American pope and shares some of the gifts she received on the cruise. She dives into Robin’s controversial stance on why dining out on Mother’s Day is an absolute no and then provides advice to your voicemails about breakups, cocktails, and short skirts. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchas...
May 14, 2025•56 min•Ep. 324
On the episode, Heather is home for a few days and back in the Atlanta studio. She has been enjoying her few days at home, before it’s back on the road. She goes over how Robin’s trip to Portugal has been going and how her own show in Chicago went. She takes on the voicemails to find probably the #1 absolutely not of all time. Can this be the one? Episode Sponsors: AG1 is offering new subscribers a FREE $76 gift when you sign up. You’ll get a Welcome Kit, a bottle of D3K2 AND 5 free travel packs...
May 07, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 323
On this episode, Heather is taking it old school and recording live from a hotel room in Miami. No, she isn’t still on the cruise, she is back to working girl life as a corporate girlie. She gives the cruise recap from her perspective and how emotional it made it. She also chats about another milestone-reaching 1 million miles on Delta. She wraps it up with more cruise voicemails from cruisers themselves. Episode Sponsors: Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.c...
Apr 30, 2025•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 322
On this truly iconic episode, Heather is coming to you live from the Absolutely Knot cruise. She has a live audience on the deck and two guests to bring you all the on board updates and of course, Absolutely Not’s. If you have all the fomo, you will not want to miss this one. Episode Sponsors: Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Whether you're gif...
Apr 23, 2025•51 min•Ep. 321
On this episode, Heather is physically on the cruise, but has brought you a Master’s recap prior to boarding the ship. She chats about her time at the Par 3, trying to be everyone else’s photographer, and of course the coveted merch haul. She also has a message for the millennial white women's fashion choices. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Quin...
Apr 18, 2025•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 320
On this episode, Heather is back with Rosebud Baker for a light pregame just in time for The Absolutely Knot Cruise. Rosebud chats about her relationship, becoming a mom, and taking her comedy in a new direction this time around on tour. They also drop some piping hot takes on the Real Housewives and give the scoop on their upcoming cruise shenanigans. It's been a long road and the ladies are at Brat Status - as they should be! Episode Sponsors: Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s a...
Apr 09, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 319
On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after a great show in Raleigh and then being a guest on Adam Ray’s Dr. Phil Live in Atlanta. Like everyone else, she has been attacked by the insane pollen that is plaguing the south, but she is rejoicing with some amazing news she received this past week! She gets back to the voicemails from all of you! Episode Sponsors: Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off any order! Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe. Go to Nutrafol.com and enter t...
Apr 02, 2025•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 318
On this episode, Heather welcomes Boho Britt and Amber from Salty Locks Extensions and Studio 285. Heather believes that being close to your glam team is one of the most important things you can cultivate and these two sisters have truly become part of the family. They chat about a ChatGPT boyfriend, catchphrases and even quantum physics. They are two business baddies that will also be joining the crew on the Absolutely Knot. Episode Sponsors: Listeners of Absolutely Not can claim an exclusive t...
Mar 26, 2025•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 317
On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after a fantastic weekend of birthday shows in the DMV. She had a hell of a time celebrating her 38th with the shows at Capitol One Hall and partying with her friends there. She makes a plea for Tatte to come to Atlanta. She discusses how the vibes are in DC and explains who her new favorite southern auntie Doctor is. She takes your voicemails about burnt grundles, solo dates, and how the Heather 911 is sometimes a force for good! Episode Sponsors: Hea...
Mar 19, 2025•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 316
On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta and taking some time for herself after having a small breakdown on International Women's Day. She is changing her attitude and putting positive energy towards her goals. She recaps the end of her week at the Today Show and the hard sleep on her flight to LA that has caused her to spiral. She takes on the voicemails and provides her best advice on how to VIBE OUT on the Bamboozled Tour and the Absolutely Knot Cruise. Episode Sponsors: Visit Carawayhome....
Mar 12, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 315
On this episode, Heather is in the NYC studio with comedian Sam Morril. Sam is currently touring the US with his own “Errors Tour”. Heather and Sam get into life on the road as touring comics. Sam has chosen to ride on a sleeper bus and eat halal, but just like Heather has back issues and also loves a steakhouse and a martini. Episode Sponsors: Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. For...
Mar 05, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 314
On this episode, Heather is in NYC to co-host the Today Show and so excited to give you a behind the scenes look into the start of her week with Jenna Bush Hager. We find out who her work crush is at the studio and how she took Jenna out on the town to a gay country bar. She also touches on the previous week in Iowa where there was a missed connection or a case of mistaken identity at a Walgreens full of Cookie Monster pajamas. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when y...
Feb 26, 2025•59 min•Ep. 313
On this episode, Heather is in Vegas for The Bamboozled Tour and is coming to you live from her hotel room at the Venetian. She also welcomes her writing partner and special director, Jen Zaborowski, to the pod. They chat about Jen coming out on the road and how a tour stop in Vegas just hits different. They discuss barrel vs boot cut jeans, Glen Powell, Hollywood parties and who will be vacay besties on the Absolutely Knot cruise. Episode Sponsors: For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our l...
Feb 19, 2025•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 312
On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after an amazing time in Alabama opening up the Bamboozled Tour. She chats about the amazing audience members and how some of her controversial material played on the crowds. She brings up all of the Super Bowl drama and how we need to leave Taylor alone. She gets to voicemails and realizes we are all doing too much!! Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off yo...
Feb 12, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 311
On this episode, Heather is back on her power walks and trying to get her mornings off to a great start. She has her weighted vest on and is pumping up tunes from this year's Grammy winners. She was motivated by online haters on Reddit that caused her to spiral. She is excited to get back on the road and start trying out new bits which she got to test out on a secret group of corporate girlies this past week. She got a few days to sip on painkillers, listen to some steel drums and reminisce abou...
Feb 05, 2025•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 310
On this episode, Heather was excited to share her vision board but mishaps with some vino leads her to verbalize it. We learn about her hopes and dreams for the upcoming year, as well as a traumatizing past job opportunity that has left a mark on how she navigates life. She goes over the newest activities happening on the Absolutely Knot cruise and gives hints as to what will happen on the Bamboozled Tour. She then takes on your voicemails! Episode Sponsors: Start earning points with the Bilt Ma...
Jan 29, 2025•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 309
On this episode, Heather chats about her amazing time in Maui and how she got to spend some quality time with her hubby. She does have some bones to pick with his fashion and beach day choices while on vacation. She is also excited to get back on the road soon with her new tour as well as the cruise. She shows off how well her new neck is healing and takes on some haters in the DM’s. She finally gets back to voicemails from you and reflects on how good of a Real Housewife she would be. Episode S...
Jan 22, 2025•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 308
On this episode, Heather recaps her experience in LA during the start of the wildfires. She shares harrowing tales from friends who lost so much and remembers that even during this time of chaos we can find moments of joy and heroism. Please join Heather and find ways to support those affected by the fires such as BStrong Foundation, World Central Kitchen, and the Love and Ethos Foundation. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a ...
Jan 15, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 307
On this episode, Heather is back in the LA studio for the new year with her two best buds Raymond Padilla and Tina Tompkins. They talk about the Golden Globes, the holidays and something the Santa brought her. Episode Sponsors: If you want to give Cornbread a try, they're offering ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners 30% off your first order. Just visit cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. AG1 is offering new subscribers a FREE $76 gift when you sign up. You’ll get a Welco...
Jan 08, 2025•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 306
On this episode, we welcome the New Year, as well as new followers to the pod but introducing them to one of the highest rated as well as most talked about episodes of the entire pod. Ovaries on a Plane details Heathers harrowing experience on a flight to London where she has an ovarian cist rupture. Episode Sponsors: Turn up the luxury when you turn in with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absonot to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order. Earn points by paying rent right now when you...
Jan 01, 2025•58 min•Ep. 305
Heather is coming to you from the studio for the Christmas Day episode! She works through her own trauma of her childhood to figure out why she is not the best premeditated gift giver. We have a lot of callers giving the holiday absolutely not’s and yes’s that all of y'all have brought to the hotline. She gives her hot take on a caller's distaste for the family's nativity retelling, how much you should spend on family gifts and what to purchase for your family members, plus everyone's favorite d...
Dec 25, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 304
On this episode, Heather welcomes feminine icon Sara Blakely to the studio. Sara is a fellow Atlanta girl who started Spanx and now has introduced Sneex to our tired ass feet. Heather has finally met a fellow manifester in Sara and they chat about the power that can have in your life. With her Spanx money, Sara chats about her first big purchase after hawking women’s undergarments for 10 hours on the department store floor. Also being a Breadwinner, she also goes into her relationship with her h...
Dec 18, 2024•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 303
On this episode, Heather welcomes Logan Crosby back to the podcast. They chat about their holiday traditions, how road life has been treating him, and their favorite grocery stores. They also go over what is on his vision board for the next year. Logan is one of the unreal talents that will be joining the crew on the Absolutely Knot Cruise. He will be bringing the hits, his band as well as his love of cougars to the high seas. Don’t forget to stream his new album, 2019. Episode Sponsors: For ori...
Dec 11, 2024•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 302
