#5 - On History, Media and the Gay Identity

Waheed:   0:00
This is Waheed Jensen, and you are listening to "A Way Beyond the Rainbow." Assalamu alaikum wa rahamtullahi ta'ala wa barakatuh, and welcome to the fifth episode of "A Way Beyond the Rainbow", this podcast series dedicated to Muslims struggling with same-sex attractions who want to live a life true to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and Islam. I'm your host Waheed Jensen. Thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. And before we start, just a kind reminder: As always, you can catch all our episodes on our website awaybeyondtherainbow.buzzsprout.com, and you can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio and TuneIn Radio. So today's episode is quite an intense episode, if I may add. There's a lot of ground to cover, a lot of topics that we will be discussing together, inshaAllah. It's quite an intense episode, if I may say. The topics of today might be new to a lot of people, or they might already be familiar to a lot of you, but they're quite conceptually challenging in so many ways. If I may suggest, in case you find them quite confusing or challenging or too much to take in, it might be good to kind of listen to this episode in chunks, to listen to some parts again, maybe take notes, revisit at some points, whatever makes you comfortable. Because I truly understand that some of the topics that we will be addressing today might be very difficult to take in and digest all at once. In today's episode, we will be talking about some history and changes in the psychology profession when it comes to addressing the topic of homosexuality. We will also be talking a little bit about the gay liberation movement, and the palpable effects that it had on mass media and pop culture, and it continues to have. And after that, we will move into the second part of the episode, which takes a critical look at the notion of gay identity and tackles the difference between saying "I am gay" versus "I have same-sex attractions." Allow me to start this episode with the following quote by Howard Zinn, who said, "But I suppose the most revolutionary act one can engage in is to tell the truth."  

Waheed:   3:03
Let's start this episode by talking a little bit about some history. In 1952, the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is known as the DSM, it listed homosexuality among the sociopathic personality disturbances. 16 years later, in 1968, the DSM-II, which is the second edition, removed homosexuality from the sociopathic list, and it categorized it with other sexual deviations. Now, this revised DSM classification considered homosexuality a problem only when it was incompatible with the person's sense of self. When the condition was compatible, that is, the man or the woman was comfortable with his or her homosexual thoughts and feelings and behaviors, then homosexuality was not considered pathological. A few years later, in 1973 the DSM was further revised, and now homosexuality is not referred to at all. No reference is made to it by name within the diagnostic manual. Now one can see that the combined effects of the sexual revolution and the "rights movements", like the civil rights, minority rights, feminist rights and so on, all of these have resulted in an intimidating effect upon psychology. Because there is a fear of offending any vocal minority, or of being considered judgmental, there has been little critique of the nature and quality of gay life. The removal of homosexuality from the DSM had the effect of discouraging further research. The bulk of early psychodynamic research and theory, beginning with Freud, indicated that homosexuality is not a natural inborn condition. Yet the literature nowadays came to an abrupt end when it came to be seen that homosexuality was, in fact, no longer a problem. The silence among researchers was not brought about by new scientific evidence showing homosexuality to be a normal and healthy variant of human sexuality. Rather, it became fashionable not to discuss it any longer. Other pro-gay researchers fear that any inquiry into the possible psychological causes of homosexuality would amount to a concession of pathology. They have encouraged only the search for genetic or an endocrine (hormonal) basis for homosexuality, in the belief that such a discovery would once and for all resolve the issue of homosexuality's normality. Those committed to the "homosexuality as natural" ideology also minimize repeated research observations of unhealthy family patterns in the backgrounds of individuals with homosexual inclinations. They dismiss the preponderance of research evidence on the grounds that there have been some inconsistent findings. They have even discouraged research into the origins of homosexuality for fear of reopening the question of pathology. Gay apologists offhandedly dismiss earlier research and theory on homosexuality as outdated or old, as if it were an established fact that such research has been disproved. In fact, there is no scientific data to controvert 75 years of clinical and empirical research on homosexuality. And the question lies, "In what other public forum has it ever been generally concluded that 75 years of professional observations have been simply disproved?" It is possible that there could be some genetic factors that predispose one to homosexual feelings, and we will talk about this, inshaAllah, in later episodes. But in this regard, one might consider a parallel with alcoholism: although there is now greater recognition of some biological predisposition to alcoholism, it continues to be acknowledged as a problem, it continues to be treated, and the most successful treatments have been found to be socially and spiritually supportive therapies. The push within psychology to outlaw treatment for unwanted same-sex attractions is in striking violation of contemporary liberalism's own professed commitment to diversity. Only a few professionals have had the courage to speak up for a true diversity of world views. In the late Dr. Joseph Nicolosi's book, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality: A New Clinical Approach, he quotes Leahey, who's quoted by DeAngelis in 1988, "It's been described how psychology was first understood to be the practical application of philosophy." And this is quite an interesting discussion. "This philosophy was based in moralism and religious principles, emphasizing man's need to be attuned to his spiritual nature. By the end of the 19th century, the newer, scientific and rationalistic trend arose in opposition to this more philosophic and spiritually grounded tradition. Psychology sought to break all ties with its philosophical roots in its bid to become the supposedly objective, empirical and value-free science of human nature." As Leahey says, "the myth was that we had at last found a philosophically neutral psychology." In the 1960's, the humanistic movement then influenced this psychology into becoming a new but disguised version of moral authority. It's new reliance was on the gauging of feelings to assess morality. "This popular movement of the sixties and seventies opposed the psychological tradition and preached emotional openness, spontaneity and loyalty to oneself. Growth was no longer seen as a product of intelligence and problem solving, but rather it was viewed solely in emotional terms." And I'm quoting here, "feeling good about yourself became the litmus test of good behavior, a sort of bastardized moral sense. This humanistic psychology rejected much of the rationalism of the psychoanalytic tradition, and it introduced instead the soft sentiment of full acceptance of the person as he is without expectations."  

Waheed:   9:35
Let's talk a little bit now about the Gay Liberation Movement. This movement began in 1969 with protests at the Stonewall Club in New York City. Now into its fifth decade, this movement makes two distinct demands: tolerance and approval. When it comes to tolerance, gay leaders have spoken up for social, economic and political equality. "There has been a call for civil rights in every aspect of society and an end to the long history of discrimination against homosexual persons." When it comes to approval, which is the second aspect of the gay liberation position, "It goes a step further, attempting to persuade society that homosexuality is normal, sort of like being left-handed, which is less common, but nonetheless a healthy natural condition. Any disadvantages of this condition are attributed to the bias of a right-handed society." Now, these two arguments are frequently blurred and presented synonymously. There's a faulty assumption that if society is tolerant and respects an individual's right to pursue the gay lifestyle, it must go one step further to equally value that lifestyle, as well as the homosexual condition itself. But we, as individual human beings and as a society, have the responsibility to ask, "What is healthy?" For the past few decades, the Gay Liberation Movement has been demanding not only the right to political and social equality, but an endorsement of normalcy. Now the logic of the assumption of normalcy is the following, because perhaps 4% of all people have homosexual inclinations, then homosexuality must be a normal variation of human sexuality. The fact that it occurs in other cultures and in animal species under certain conditions is also seen to prove its normalcy. Now, to this, Dr. Nicolosi says, "Such logic would be equivalent to concluding that, since a given percentage of people will break a leg skiing each winter, then a broken leg is a natural condition, and one should not attempt to avoid it. For many people, homosexual desires indeed feel natural, However, what feels normal, we believe, is the unconscious striving to heal oneself through sexual intimacy." He says, "What feels natural is the symbolic search for wholeness of gender. The homosexual condition, if understood properly, is always a barrier to the developmental completion. Out of fear of intolerance, we as a society have not been ready to separate rhetoric from reality, and to evaluate the condition honestly."  

Waheed:   12:25
Many common statements are recycled nowadays, and I'm pretty sure that you are familiar with almost all of those. These statements are even being taught at schools nowadays. "Sexual orientation is biologically determined", "Once gay, always gay", we've heard this over and over, right? As if it's immutable. It's unchanging. Another common statement is, "Every other culture and society throughout history has accepted homosexuality. Ours is the only homophobic society." Well, to that, the proper response would be, "Actually, no culture has ever accorded homosexuality the same status as heterosexuality." A third statement is, "Animals, too, are homosexual." Now, if you look at the research done by biologists, same-sex behaviors in animals are usually attributed to stresses of captivity, biological pollutants, domestication, unavailability of the opposite sex, hormonal manipulations, and so many other reasons. But this does not mean that such behavior should be considered normal. One claim that is spread nowadays goes as follows, "Any attempts to change sexual orientation are dangerous, they only create greater unhappiness, depression and sometimes suicide." Well, it's true that serious depression due to failure to change is indeed a possibility, as it is with any treatment that fails for other problems, such as obesity, anorexia, alcoholism, drug abuse.. You name it. And now there's popular misinformation when it comes to therapy. So we have heard of conversion therapy, right? And there are so many different kinds of that. It has been, you know, publicized through the media as very torturous, employing so many inhumane methods, like electrocution or trauma. And while these have happened, yes, of course they have happened, they have taken place, and they are traumatic, of course, and we don't condone such practices. But any other forms of humane therapy, namely, what is referred to nowadays as reparative, or even reintegrative therapy, which focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy and other forms of new therapy - and these we will discuss later, inshaAllah, in later episodes - these have been painted with the same brush, and there are a lot of efforts to actually outlaw these kinds of therapy. And it's unfair to tell people that any efforts that help you reconcile your own sexuality with your values, and who you are as a person with your religion, with your understanding, are dangerous and inhumane. Another claim goes like, "Homosexually-oriented people are identical to heterosexuals in every way, psychologically and emotionally, except for the incidental detail of their sexual preference. As a group, they are as healthy as heterosexuals." Well, in reality, men and women who identify as part of the LGBT community have been shown to suffer from high levels of suicide attempts, substance abuse, psychiatric disorders and other issues. In recent years, all of the available data has converged on the conclusion that gays and lesbians have a markedly higher levels of mental health problems than do heterosexuals. Many studies have been published since the nineties that highlight this. There's a really good review paper called "Healthcare Problems of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Patients", and I will add a link to this in the episode description. And I'm quoting from this paper, "In the controversial report of the secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services Task Force on Youth Suicide in 1989, Gibson estimated that gay youths account for 30% of completed suicides. 40% of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender youth have either attempted or seriously contemplated suicide. Gay men are six times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. Lesbians are twice as likely to attempt suicide as heterosexual women." And in another section of the paper, it says, "Nearly 60% of bisexual and gay male youths in one study were currently using substances and met psychiatric criteria for substance misuse. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths are nine times more likely to use injectable drugs. They are also more likely to engage in sexual activity, use cocaine and smoke marijuana and tobacco before the age of 13." Now there are a lot of arguments that state that social intolerance and prejudice caused these destructive behaviors. And of course, there is some merit to this argument. But it is not enough to explain the high percentages of such behaviors and associated mental health problems. Let us try to prove that. A study from Minnesota in the USA, which was published in 2008, examined the extent to which a recent experience of a major discriminatory event may contribute to poor mental health among LGBT persons. In this study, they included 472 individuals who identify as part of the LGBT group, and as a control group, they included 7,412 individuals who identify as heterosexuals. In this study, they said, "Compared to heterosexuals, LGBT individuals had poorer mental health, with higher levels of psychological distress, greater likelihood of having a diagnosis of depression or anxiety, greater perceived mental health needs, and greater use of mental health services, as well as more substance use, with higher levels of binge drinking, greater likelihood of being a smoker, and greater number of cigarettes smoked per day. They were more likely to report unmet mental health care needs. LGBT individuals were also more likely to report having experienced a major incident of discrimination over the past year than heterosexual individuals." And later down in the study, they say, "Statistically adjusting for discrimination did not significantly reduce mental health disparities between heterosexual and LGBT persons." Now some people might argue, "Well, you are quoting a study from the USA, a lot of discrimination happens in the USA. These these findings might be inconsistent or faulty." Well, let's go and look at studies from Sweden, a country that is known with an "international reputation for heeding the human rights of non-heterosexual people." Two studies I am using here: one from 2017 and another from 2018, so these are very recent, and both studies reveal a similar trend. In one study, they found "significantly elevated prevalence of high risk alcohol use, cannabis use, daily tobacco smoking among sexual minorities compared to heterosexuals. These substantial disparities and substance use, more often co-occurred with psychological distress amongst sexual minorities than among heterosexuals." And they say that "The elevated risk of co-occurring psychological distress and substance use was most notable among gay men relative to heterosexual men (2.65 times more elevated), and it was three times more among bisexual women relative to heterosexual women." And again here, they say, "statistical analysis showed that experiences of discrimination, victimization and social isolation partially explained the sexual orientation disparity in these co-occurring problems." In the other study, they explicitly say, "Psychosocial experiences may be insufficient to explain and understand health inequalities by sexual orientation in a reputedly 'gay friendly' setting." Richard Cohen, in his famous book, Coming Out Straight: Understanding and Healing Homosexuality, says, "The deeper reason for these unhealthy behaviors is the emotional brokenness that caused the homosexual condition in the first place. The social prejudice merely exacerbates the already existing pain lodged deep in their souls." 

Waheed:   21:09
Now let's talk a little bit about the role of media and pop culture in today's world. In today's culture, we are bombarded continuously with gay affirmative media, right? From news reports to TV shows, movies, music, books, billboards, you name it. Teenagers are often actively encouraged to question and even test out their sexuality. Popular culture portrays the gay life very favorably, even glamorously. Many schools have gay and lesbian clubs and organizations, and pro-gay counseling programs encourage sexually questioning adolescents to try on a gay or bisexual identity. This euphoric experience of coming out, of identifying oneself with an oppressed minority that is demanding social justice, appeals to the adolescent's romantic sensibility. Especially for youth who typically feel misunderstood and unappreciated by parents and authority figures, the notion of a subculture with similarly oppressed youth, "Where I can be accepted for who I really am" is indescribably appealing. Furthermore, the gay subculture bestows great value on youthfulness. A young person who yearns to belong and who enters the world will quickly receive flattering attention and approval. And I go back to the words of Dr. Nicolosi, who said, "Traditionally, mental health professionals understood much of the adolescent homosexual behavior as experimentation rather than as a means of discovering some sort of an innate self identity. They understood that for many adolescents, homosexual experiences represent nothing more than a period of developmental curiosity, that will eventually be discarded as heterosexual interests predominate. And they recognize that with proper guidance, the young person would sort out the real meaning of his sexualized longings." But nowadays the teenagers natural desire to belong to an embracing community, along with the extraordinarily easy availability of gay sex and pornography, this can quickly lead any confused young person into a deepening gay self identity. A national survey from 1994 called "Sex in America" indicates that, while only 2-3% of adult males identify as homosexual, 10-16% of all men go through a homosexual phase earlier in their lives. So the question would be, "What if these young men had been confirmed as gay by a school counselor or a gay program during that vulnerable phase?" Another major study from Minnesota in 1992 found that more than 1/4 of 12 year-olds are unsure whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. This study, in 1992, polled 34,707 teenagers from Minnesota, and it was published in the Journal of Pediatrics. Notice that this is in the early nineties. Nowadays, 13, 14 and 15 year-olds are increasingly announcing to their parents that they are gay. A transition that used to occur in the mid- to late-twenties, or even older, now is taking place in the early- and mid-teens. More and more adolescents are coming out to their friends and parents. More kids and adolescents nowadays are having gender identity confusion as well. A new study by the Trend Forecasting Agency, J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group, found that only 48% of 13-20 year-olds nowadays identify as exclusively heterosexual, compared to 65% of millennials aged 21 to 34. And I'm quoting here, "On a scale of 0 to 6, where zero signified completely straight, and six meant completely homosexual, more than a 1/3 of the young demographic chose a number between one and five, indicating that they were bisexual to some degree. And only 24% of their older counterparts identified this way." And when it comes to gender and gender identity over 1/3 of Generation Z (those who are born mid to late 1990s until the early to mid 2010s) strongly agreed that "Gender did not define a person as much as it used to, while only 28% of millennials felt similarly. 56% of Generation Z said that they knew someone who went by gender neutral pronouns such as "them", "they" or others, compared to 43% of people aged 28 to 34." The NGO GLAAD, which stands for "Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation", in its third annual Accelerating Acceptance report of 2017, they revealed that "Millennials are significantly more likely to openly identify as LGBTQ than generations before them." Specifically, Millennials are nearly three times as likely, that is 20% versus 7% to identify as LGBTQ than the Boomer Generation (which are people aged between 52 to 71 nowadays), and 2/3 more likely than Generation X (people aged 35 to 51), the percentage is 20% versus 12%. The survey also found that "12% of Millennials identify as transgender or gender nonconforming", meaning they do not identify with their biological sex or their gender expression is different from conventional expectations of masculinity and femininity, "Doubling the number of transgender and gender nonconforming people reported by generation X", which is 6%. Now with regards to gender dysphoria and transgenderism, a report from Sweden's Board of Health and Welfare confirmed a 1,500% rise between 2008 and 2018 in gender dysphoria diagnoses among 13 to 17 year-olds born as girls. In the UK, young people referred for "gender treatment" has increased from 97 in 2009 to 2,510 individuals in the period between 2017-2018, an over 4,000% increase in just 10 years. The Telegraph reported, "Some educationalists have previously warned that the promotion of transgender issues in schools has shown confusion in children's minds, and that encouraging children to question gender has become an industry." And they also say, "Dr. Joanna Williams, the author of the book, Women versus Feminism, has said that 'schools are encouraging even the youngest children to question whether they are really a boy or a girl'", the Telegraph mentioned. "The issue is so big that the UK officials have launched an investigation into the increase in children seeking to transition to the opposite sex." So one can say that, one reason for this high incidence of confusion and all of these rapid changes, as mentioned earlier, is the media exposure that the kids have to glamorized gay and trans images. Internet websites, television, film, music, teen magazines, even public libraries offer very appealing pro-gay messages. And for questioning youngsters, these messages are very, very seductive. Many psychologists nowadays advise questioning teenagers to accept themselves as part of the gay youth. And if you can't reconcile your "natural" gay identity with your religion, then you should think about dropping your religious believes, or switching to a more gay friendly group or religion or whatever. This sort of advice, this uncritical assumption that a young person's experience means that he is "naturally homosexual", and that these sexual feelings take precedence over deeply held religious beliefs, this represents the pervasive misinformation that permeates Western culture nowadays.  

Waheed:   29:39
Let's talk a little bit about homophobia, which has become a widely used term nowadays. Although an actual phobia is defined as an exaggerated, irrational fear, the word homophobia has become a one-dimensional, catch-all term to explain any and every negative response to homosexuality. Every painful developmental stage of the homosexually-inclined individual is blamed on either social or internalized homophobia. The poor father-son relationship is said to be caused by the father's homophobia, his feeling threatened by his son's effeminacy, for example. The boy's alienation from his childhood peers is said to be caused by his internalized homophobia. The homosexual adult's alienation from family and society is attributed to homophobia. In adolescence, the person's depression and loneliness and low self esteem and drug and alcohol abuse and mental health issues and you name it, these are often blamed upon social or internalized homophobia. Interpersonal problems that we have, such as failure to establish and maintain long-term relationships, again, these are blamed on homophobia, and so on, and so forth. There is a disavowal of the idea that there could be any deficits inherent to the homosexual condition itself. Nowadays, homophobia refers to, and I'm quoting, "Any belief system that values heterosexuality as superior to and/or more natural than homosexuality." This is from a paper by Morin published in "American Psychologist" in 1977, under the title of "Heterosexual Bias and Psychological Research on Lesbianism and Male Homosexuality." So using this definition of any belief system that values heterosexuality as superior to and/or more natural than homosexuality, then probably every religious tradition and every culture in world history could be considered homophobic, right? If we were to survey and ask parents if they would want their children to grow up homosexual, nearly every parent would prove to be homophobic, just by saying "no". Monotheistic religions have the shared belief that gender identity and sexual orientation are grounded in biological reality. As Nicolosi says, "The body tells us who we are. We cannot construct - meaning assemble or disassemble - a different reality in which gender and sexual identity are out of synchrony with biology. The belief that humanity is designed for heterosexuality has been shaped by age-old religious and cultural forces", which, as we believe, must be respected, because it is true. and it conforms to objective reality. This viewpoint is not a phobia or pathological fear. Our natural, instinctive conscience accepts this as the truth, something that comes close to what we, as Muslims, would call the fitra, or the inherent predisposition. Allah has created mankind as male and female, and our design is such that there is compatibility and balance in that regard. There is an obvious complementarity between men and women in the mutual design of their bodies and reproductive systems. Any objective, external analysis should make it clear that there is something inherently wrong in two men or two women trying to have sexual relations with each other. That clearly violates the primary purpose for which sex was created by Allah. Yes, there is the emotional aspect, "mawaddatan wa rahmah", as Allah says in the Qur'an, and that can and should be expressed also between people of the same sex, like close friendships, which our tradition has a lot to say about. But that obviously cannot be sexual. And there is also a general complementarity in  disposition. Though contemporary Western culture tries its hardest to minimize and deny any differences between men and women, beyond the most obvious physical differences, everyone knows that this is simply not true. While there is a range, and Islam even has room for those who depart from the general norm of their gender, and we'll talk about this later, inshaAllah, there is no denying that there are certain characteristics that men tend to exhibit and that women tend to exhibit. And this is as it should be. It is something to be celebrated and not denied. Islam actually underlines, celebrates and sometimes augments gender differences, rather than suppress and deny them. For example, men and women have slightly different postures, even in prayer, right? There's a male way of standing and a female way of standing. There is a way for male sujood (prostration), and there is another way for female sujood. And that's just a simple example. So this complementarity is vital in the marriage relationship, and especially in the roles that mothers and fathers play vis-à-vis their children. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable, and there is plenty of research to back this up. So the natural fitri differences that Allah has placed between males and females are, in a sense, a reflection of the division of Allah's Names and Attributes, into Attributes of Jalal, meaning majesty, and Attributes of Jamal, meaning beauty. Though both sexes combined both attributes, they tend to do this to different degrees, and again, by purpose and design in order to complement each other, not by accident. In general, men exhibit more of the Jalali characteristics, while women exhibit more of the Jamali characteristics. But both are equally valuable, and they're both equally necessary. And both are equally reflective of Allah's own Divine Names and Attributes, on the human plane, of course. This also means that, as Muslims, we have every reason to value each set of attributes equally. They are different but of equal worth. God is not God with pure Jalal or pure Jamal. They are both in perfect harmony in Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala. We are created male and female, with a variant distribution of the two kinds of attributes. In reuniting as male and female, the wholeness of the full range of human attributes is re-established. So, in addition to the obvious physical and also pretty obvious emotional compatibility, there's also this larger, more profound sense in which men and women complement and complete each other, on the metaphysical level as well. And for anyone interested, Sh. Abdal Hakim Murad has written so beautifully on these topics. When we look at the Qur'an, Allah says in Surat An-Najm, verse 45, "And that He creates the two mates, the male and female." In Surat 'Aal-'Imran, verse 36, "And the male is not like the female." In Surat Ar-Room, verse 21 "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates, that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for people who give thought." In Surat An-Nisaa', verse 1, "O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women." So going back to the topic of homophobia, this fear of being labeled homophobic can prevent psychologists from offering treatment that a lot of clients themselves report to be beneficial. Psychologists have been pressured not to treat children with gender identity disturbance nowadays. This sometimes makes it very difficult for parents to find help for their children, and some consider it even unethical to treat adults who seek therapy, since homosexuality per se is no longer categorized as an illness. These pressures are also affecting religious communities and religious discourse as well. There are efforts nowadays to outlaw any type of advice given that would seek to reduce same-sex feelings or behaviors, on the grounds that such discourse is homophobic. So even if a religious leader were to counsel a congregant merely to refrain from, or even reduce his/her same-sex behavior, this would be outlawed under legislation now being considered in many hyper-liberal places like, for example, California, Canada and other areas. So now we have a different kind of therapy, which is called gay-affirmative therapy, and this makes the assumption that the "coming out" process is the answer to every homosexual patient's problems. The implication is that one's development is arrested when he addresses his problems "in the closet." When a client reports the desire to pursue reparative therapy, or any kind of helpful therapy to address his/her issues, gay-affirmative therapy presumes that he/she is only reflecting the prejudices of society, which he/she has unconsciously internalized. Many gay-affirmative counselors believe that reparative therapy will only serve to heighten a man's sense of guilt and low self-esteem. Now, at the foundation of these assumptions is this conviction that homosexuality is a natural and healthy sexual variation. With this assumption in mind, gay-affirmative therapy then proceeds to attribute every personal and interpersonal problem that the gay person experiences to social and internalized homophobia, as we discussed earlier. So, taking everything that I've mentioned so far into account, we can see that there is a discrimination, a very palpable discrimination, for a different group of people. And those are the men and women whose religious, social and moral values and sense of self cannot incorporate their homosexuality or their homosexual inclinations. Most harmfully, "The individual himself is disheartened", as Nicolosi says, "since the very profession to which he turns for help tells him that his unwanted same-sex attractions (or homosexual inclinations) are not a problem, and he must accept it." And so, you can imagine that this is extremely demoralizing for the individual, and it makes his struggle to effectively deal with his homosexual inclinations that much more difficult. Western society now views a person belonging to this particular group with a certain ridicule, and psychology perceives this person as self-hating and misguided. Nicolosi says, "His identity is lost between the cracks of popular ideology. The "straight" world shuns him, and the "gay" world considers him not their own." And remember, in episode 1, I alluded to this when I said that individuals like us who have same-sex attractions and who try to stay true to their beliefs, to Allah and Islam, they're cornered. We are cornered from people who are conservative, who look at us with an eye of ridicule and shame and disgust, and we are also shunned by the ultra-progressive individuals who see us as people who have internalized homophobia, and we are standing in the way of our true happiness. And I will end this part of the episode by a long quote from Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, again from his book Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, and he says the following, "In its attempt to support the liberation of gays, it has pushed underground the other population. By no longer categorizing homosexuality as a problem, it has cast doubt on the validity of this group's struggle. This person is not likely to be found at parades or rallies celebrating his identity. He would rather resolve his conflicts quietly and discreetly. How paradoxically conservative are the men who wage this counter-cultural struggle?" And later on, he says, "It is unfortunate that the non-gay must be identified by what he is not. The gay world's assumption is that what keeps him in the closet is fear or ignorance, and that with enough time and education, he, too, will find liberation. Yet not to be gay is as much a decision and a conscious choice about one's self identity as is deciding to be gay. For such a man, not coming out can be a dynamic place of growth and self understanding, a place committed to change. To him, the so-called "closet" is a place of choice, challenge, fellowship, faith and growth - an interior place that has often opened up into transcendence."  

Waheed:   42:51
With this, we come to the second part of today's episode, and now we're going to take a critical look at the notion of gay identity, and talk a little bit about the essentializing versus non-essentializing paradigms. As I have previously mentioned in episode 1, growing up and having a lot of questions and being exposed to media and pop culture and the narrative nowadays, I had internalized all of these terms, like "gay" and "homosexual", and I've used them to describe myself. And that's why in the very, very first article that I had published, I'd describe myself using the terms "gay" and "homosexual" as nouns to describe myself. I had internalized the whole concept of gay identity. And then at some point, I came across Brother Yousef's article, where he did not use these terms to describe himself, but rather he said, "I have SSA" or "I have same-sex attractions. I don't define myself using these terms. It's something that I have." So reading his article, the very first time, I remember I had this feeling of liberation, it was really liberating, but at the same time it was associated with a lot of cognitive dissonance, and it was painful to read that, to tell you the truth. So what I am about to present in this second half of the episode is going to be conceptually very challenging. Now, when I look back, right now, as I am recording this episode, I would say that I have almost fully internalized these new concepts and can talk about them very freely, but I remember a period of time when I was very, very uncomfortable and taken aback by these concepts. These concepts did shatter many of the core beliefs that I had. I had based, you know, a huge part of my identity on such terminology, and for someone to come and just shatter them, it's not an easy thing, because all of these core beliefs had to do with my own self perception, my identity, and that's not easy at all. So what I'm trying to say is, it takes a lot of time, it takes effort and I've been there. So, I suggest that you take it easy on yourself. If this is the first time that you hear such a discourse, maybe take a break, revisit this, take notes, ask for help, reach out.. Definitely. Please reach out. Send in any questions or comments that you have. We are here for you. You are not alone in this. You are not the only one experiencing this. What you're going through is normal. I would definitely encourage you to reach out with any questions or comments that you have, so that we can discuss this together, inshaAllah. So now I'm going to be talking about the two paradigms that are out there, the so-called essentializing versus non-essentializing paradigms. So what do we mean by all of this? The essentializing paradigm views sexuality as who you are. It is essential to your identity, to how you define yourself. And so this is fully in line with the LGBT paradigm. Individuals belonging to this paradigm choose to completely identify with the labels, like "gay", "homosexual", "bisexual", "lesbian", whatever, and they militantly push for them. If you're not on the same page, more often than not, you're labeled as homophobic, transphobic, bigot, whatever. And this has a lot of repercussions in many countries, like limited expression or even the availability of help and therapy options available. These are becoming more and more limited nowadays. So, if you have same-sex attractions but choose not to follow this line of thinking, you'd be labeled as someone who's fooling yourself, or not being true to yourself, still questioning, or who has internalized homophobia. The central theme here is, "Be true to who you ARE. If you feel that way, embrace it. Otherwise, you are standing in the way of your own happiness. You are internalizing the social prejudices and homophobia." So there is a focus on the inner inclinations, "I am those inclinations." So, other than "me, myself and I", and the focus on the self, there's also a reduction of the self to one's most primal drives, namely the sexual ones. "I am my sexual desires. They define me. They are core to my identity, and they dictate who I am and how I function, how I define myself and how I am defined by others." Now just a tiny FYI, the term "homosexual" itself, as an identity and definition of a human being, is quite a modern concept. It has only emerged in Europe during the second half of the 19th century. As Hanne Blank writes in her "Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality", she says, "It has, in point of actual fact, only been possible to be a heterosexual since 1869." Now, of course, it goes without saying that men and women did get married before that time, they did have children and grandchildren. It also goes without saying that some people did have sex with people of the same sex. But if you were to ask anyone before 1869 what their orientation was, or if they were "gay" or "straight", no one would be able to know how to answer. This is because people never identified themselves on the basis of who they had sex with, or who they wanted to have sex with.  

Waheed:   48:49
Now let's look at the other paradigm, which is the non-essentializing paradigm, which says, basically, "You are more than your attractions. SSA, same-sex attractions, they do not define you as a person. It is something that you have and you have to deal with, and you are other than your attractions. You are a unique individual, and your sexual desires form only part of you. But you are much more than that." So this is more in line with Islam. "I am responsible for what I do, and I am responsible for shielding myself from any stimuli that would lead to unwanted consequences." So we are judged by Allah according to what we do. Of course, I am prone to specific temptations that others do not struggle with, which is a tribulation of its own, but it does not define me as a person. It is just something that I have to deal with. And even if I end up in a bad place, if I end up acting out sexually, I have the potential to repent sincerely to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, to make tawbah, to leave the impermissible action and to make amends and move on. In other words, I am not a "homosexual", as an identity. I don't use "homosexual" as a noun. Rather, I have homosexual tendencies or inclinations. So I use "homosexual" as an adjective to describe those tendencies, inclinations or attractions. And these, I keep in check as much as I can. This is the basis of the entire paradigm.  

Waheed:   50:27
Now, because of all of these ingrained sociocultural scripts, the lack of awareness, the very poor religious discourse on the matter, not to mention scholars shying away from the topic, due to either lack of knowledge or out of fear of losing their credibility, many people fall in between both camps or both paradigms. Many people identify as "gay, and they embrace the identity, and they make it their own identity, but they try their best to stay true to Allah and Islam. One problem that emerges with time is a sort of a question, that I have personally had at some point, and I know that many of the listeners have questioned that. "If that is who I am, then why would God reject me", right? "Why is Islam against me as a person? So it's either that there's something wrong with me, or there's something wrong with the religious interpretation." Now, knowing that Allah is the Most Merciful, then that conflict has to have another way out. Many people have left Islam, because they reasoned that, "If Allah rejects me based on who I am, then why should I even keep trying, right? That's who I am. I can only be myself if I am true to what I feel. I didn't choose this, just like another person doesn't choose their biological sex or skin color or ethnicity or what have you. So I am actually forbidden from being my true self? This doesn't work anymore." And that's the precise problem that such identity categories create, which is fueled by the current global sociopolitical climate and the narrative that is overwhelming nowadays. Now let me say this: identity categories based on sexuality are man-made, full stop. Nothing in Islam, or common sense actually, defines people based on their sexual desires and puts them in boxes and dictates how they should view themselves and the world around them, or even be viewed by other people. What Islam does say about sex and gender and all of these matters, is that Allah has created male and female, as we discussed before, and there's also a discussion of people with ambiguous biological gender, what was previously referred to as the hermaphrodite, or what is now referred to as people who are intersex - in Arabic al-khuntha. We will discuss these topics, inshaAllah, in later episodes. And there is also a recognition of gender-atypical mannerisms, in Arabic al-mukhannath, or the effeminate male. But this is not an identity category, and it's certainly not a license to practice forbidden sexual behavior. Now, the Islamic terms that we bring into the discussion, they do not map neatly onto the categories of homosexuality and heterosexuality. In other words, there are no terms to identify sexual orientations as such, but only the actual behaviors and the actual sexual acts. So in Arabic, liwat, when it's mentioned, it's a term that means sodomy, not homosexuality. Another term used is sihaq, which means sexual act between two women. These are the terms that you will encounter in books of fiqh. What you won't find is a category of people who established an identity that was principally anchored in these sexual acts, which is what's happening nowadays, right? More often than not, the specific identity of being "gay" is nowadays situated in a much larger paradigm of life, one that tells me how to live, how to think about various social and cultural causes, where to hang out, who to hang out with, it tells me about my political orientation, mainly liberal or progressive, for example, about my friendships, my solidarities, my places of communion, and my attitude towards religion, among so many other things. We are much more than those labels. Yes, we do have same-sex attractions, but this is a struggle among tons of struggles out there, and this is a huge struggle. Of course, it is. And it may be one of the toughest, especially in this time and age. But you are much more than this. You are a human being. You are a servant of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You are a complex and intricate collection of memories, experiences and behaviors. You are a unique persona with a unique outlook on life, with lots of great potential. You have something to add to this world that no one else can. And you are an extraordinary creation by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You have unique interests, you have unique strengths and weaknesses. You're an amalgam of body and spirit. The more we associate with the spirit, the more we rise and move close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah mentions in Surat Al-A'raaf, verse 176, "And if We had willed, We could have elevated him thereby. But he adhered instead to the earth and followed his own desire." In Surat Ibrahim, verse 24, He says, "Have you not considered how Allah presents an example, making a good word like a good tree whose root is firmly fixed and its branches high in the sky?" So the question is, why would anyone want to be reduced to Earth, when he or she has the potential to rise way above and reach Heaven, inshaAllah?  

Waheed:   56:14
The point behind the distinction is to try and move from a paradigm that essentializes sexual desires by saying "I am gay" to one that liberates the individual by making him or her realize that they're more than their desires, that they have a struggle, which is same-sex attractions, by saying, "I have same-sex attractions." What follows is thus a change in how we see ourselves on our own, in front of Allah, and in front of other people. BUT, here's the thing. The struggle with same-sex attractions is a highly emotional struggle. It is entrenched in the subconscious during primal developmental years, and so using logical arguments alone won't do the trick. Sure, it helps us navigate things, know how to see things clearly, know what's right and what's wrong, what to avoid, and so on, and so forth. But there's a big emotional part that needs to be carefully dissected and addressed, and this is something that we learned through our experience and the experience of so many other individuals struggling with same-sex attractions. Now, what I will do in the next couple of minutes, is I will list some of the issues and challenges that I have personally noticed, that unfortunately arise as a byproduct of this non-essentializing, or Islamic, way of thinking, either by Muslims who themselves have SSA, or by others who use this paradigm to preach or give advice. And this is not due to a problem with the paradigm itself, mind you. It's due to an inadequate understanding of the struggle itself and the multiple layers it encompasses. Challenge #1: There is an inherent tendency to dismiss or belittle the struggle. This common statement that, "You're a man among men, or a woman among women who just happens to have same-sex attractions." This statement itself is very liberating. But if you don't properly frame it and address it with in a bigger context, you can actually harm the individual, because what it indirectly does, is it dismisses all of the pain and shame and guilt and alienation that we have endured thus far, and we continue to endure. People need to understand that same-sex attractions, in addition to the original traumas and unmet emotional needs that often come along with it, these have played a huge role in our self perception, our relations with others and how we perceive the world. Minimizing the effect all of this has played in our lives, even though that's unintended, obviously, it tends to do a lot of harm. It's never, ever just about sexual desires. It's much more profound than that. There are deep-seated emotional needs, as well as matters relevant to belonging, attachment, shame, healing, a sense of personal worth, among so many other matters that we will discuss later, inshaAllah. Same-sex attractions, the attractions themselves are only the tip of the iceberg. So my advice would be: try and listen. Try and understand what the other person is saying, and where they are coming from. And when you choose to respond, pick your words carefully, and try to show the other person that you genuinely care, because you do, and you're not belittling the struggle in any way. Challenge #2: The process of shifting one's thinking from, "I am gay/queer/what have you" to "I am a Muslim, first and foremost, who happens to have same-sex desires or attractions", this shifting takes time, patience and work. The former script has been ingrained in us through media and culture for a very long time, not to mention our childhood experiences and past traumas and so many mental health issues that are associated with this, and how we perceive same-sex attractions in relation to us. All of this plays a big role in our ability to detach from the script, and it's not an easy journey, again. It's not easy. It's difficult to actually shift our perception, this self-perception and the way that we see ourselves, and the way that we internalize all of these concepts. Some people can quickly embrace the "I have SSA" script without a problem. Others really take time and find it difficult. Some even cannot do that, and that's all okay, as long as we're moving on a journey towards healing and feeling more connected to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels. So my advice would be: please try and not shame people if they won't embrace the script that you're subscribe to. Look at things through their eyes. It's about them and their own journey. Challenge #3: There is also something problematic that happens when same-sex attractions are compared to other struggles out their, particularly opposite-sex attractions. Now I understand when people give help, they try and show the other person suffering from or struggling with same-sex attractions, that it's a trial and it's a struggle, and it's not the end of the world, and they try and give examples, out of good intentions, to make things more relatable. But honestly, sometimes this backfires. Now, yes, there are other struggles and hardships that people go through, and they're not connected to sex and sexuality, and these are also very difficult, and everyone has their own trials. And we're not, you know, pleading or ingraining the idea that people with same-sex attractions face worse struggles in life than others. But it's a tough trial nonetheless. A friend of mine once told me, "People can't just assume that I, as a man who struggles with same-sex attractions, can perceive my struggle as that of any other man out there, who has the obligation of shielding himself from adultery or fornication. For one, religious rules make it easier for men and women to avoid sin, through rules like segregation, avoiding being alone with someone from the opposite gender in seclusion, lowering the gaze, etc., and marriage is a perfect channel for people with opposite-sex attractions. But for us, on the other hand, we struggle when we're in a room with someone from the same gender who's very attractive." And, he says, "Locker room at the gym? Going swimming? Talk about high-stress situations!" So my advice is: yes, same-sex attractions are a struggle, especially in this time and age, and they are a very difficult struggle, but comparisons are often not valid. Challenge #4: It is common to find that specific interests and world views of individuals with same-sex attractions aren't gender typical, in a sense. So if a man is more interested in the arts, decoration or cooking, for example, and less interested in sports or other rough activities, or if a woman is more interested in heavy sports and handiwork or crafting, and less interested in fashion and arts and shopping, and I'm just giving generic examples here, nothing about this is blameworthy at all, as long as the rules of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that apply to all humans are followed. Of course, this is a longer discussion that also deals with one's perception of gender identity, particularly when certain behaviors may be perceived as problematic, and when one has gender dysphoria, for example, or issues with gender identity, there are many layers involved that must be addressed, but these we'll talk about in later episodes, inshaAllah. It's a huge discussion. But for the sake of this discussion, one distinction has to be made. There are many things that are frowned upon just because of cultural conditioning and social influences, and they have nothing to do with Islamic rules or, you know, the rules of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and Islam. So what I can say honestly is: rock on with your individuality, and shine so bright that you make the world see better, inshaAllah. Challenge #5: If we're not very careful, we can easily fall into another dangerous trap, which is dismissing one's individuality and uniqueness when it comes to the struggle. I've said this so many times, and people sometimes agree and sometimes they disagree, but I will continue to say this: I can wholeheartedly testify to the uniqueness, giftedness, overwhelming potential, and unparalleled emotionality that many of us have. And this is not a statement of pride or vanity. On the contrary, astaghfirullah. It is a testament to the beauty that, for many of us who struggle with SSA, it goes hand-in-hand with the struggle. And this is even by backed up by research. One study showed that individuals who identify as "homosexual", they score higher on altruism and empathy assessments. Another study, that was published in 2018, showed that on average, adults who reported experiencing a traumatic event in childhood had elevated empathy levels compared to adults who did not experience a traumatic event. Now, on our topic, there are high correlations of childhood traumas in their many different forms with individuals who struggle with SSA. Now, you can say that, yes, traumatic events do increase the risk of depression and other mental health problems, but there is also evidence that adversity can lead to post-traumatic growth, including increased compassion and pro-social behavior. Although this is somewhat counterintuitive, right? But this might be predicted if trauma not only increases fear of future threat, but also renders the individual more sensitive to suffering in others. So this study that was recently published showed exactly that, and they also report that "The severity of the trauma correlated positively with various components of empathy." So the findings suggest that the experience of a childhood trauma "increases a person's ability to take the perspective of another individual and to try to understand their mental and emotional states, and that this impact is longstanding." And I can attest to that, because I would say that the majority, if not every single individual who has SSA, that I have personally spoken to an interacted with, shows all of these skills, and I stand by my word. Now, on a subconscious level, there is an association between same-sex attractions and how we perceive the world, how we connect to other people, how we absorb their energies, and we resonate with them, and how we want to connect to the world and vice versa. It deals with our hopes and passions and struggles and dreams, and so on. Now one can argue that it's not, you know, same-sex attractions per se that is responsible for this, but rather the underlying traumas and voids and needs and what have you. And of course, this makes a lot of sense, but at the end it all points in the same direction. Our experiences have given many of us a unique set of lenses through which we perceive and interact with the world, and that's different from other people's perceptions and ways of interacting with the world. So it's expected that all of this becomes unacceptably reduced and minimized when the struggle is just dismissed and same-sex attractions are boxed into a category that we just happen to have, right? And I'm speaking on behalf of many of us who find that this is much, much more than simple attractions. Some of us even call that their "identity", and mind you, I'm not talking about the part about sexual desires. I'm talking about everything else that makes us unique individuals. So who am I to come and tell people otherwise? Again, please don't misread my words. I am not saying this to encourage people to identify SSA or same-sex attractions as a new identity category and mobilize under it and all of that. No, of course not. I'm only saying this to try and embrace those qualities that make us human, to capitalize on them and to keep them in line with what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wants from us. Because, as I always tell people, we are, through Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, capable of moving mountains. Same-sex attractions deep down have never been primarily about sexual desires and lusts. This struggle is a very emotional struggle, with the deep-seated emotional needs, and it manifests in many areas of our lives. Just a general recap: these problems and challenges, that I have listed, arise due to a mostly unintended overlooking of one's experiential knowledge. What do I mean by this? "You can argue with me all you want to prove your point, but until you've experienced things the way that I did, felt what I felt, and saw things through my eyes, it won't be the same." That's what it means to take one's experiential knowledge into account - to see things through the person's eyes, to try to imagine the years that have passed from their own perspective. And this is one piece of advice that I would like to give the listeners who themselves try to give advice to people, in general, or people who struggle with same-sex attractions in particular: try to take one's experiential knowledge into account. Again, you can argue as much as you want to, you can give me all of the arguments that you want, but until you've experienced things the way that I did and felt what I felt and saw things through my eyes and through my lenses, it will not be the same.  

Waheed:   1:9:54
So again, I would like to reiterate that I know how it feels for someone exposed to all of these notions for the first time, or for someone still struggling with these concepts, I wholeheartedly know that it's not easy at all. Many of us have had all of these notions of "gay" and "queer", etc. All of these have been ingrained in us, with all of their associated expectations, so to speak, that anything that merely questions them or presents an alternative paradigm is nothing short of life-threatening, because, for many of us, that's our life. It's what we have perceived as our identity and who we are, for as long as we could remember. In addition, I know that a lot of the religious discourse doesn't address the human element. In other words, the human being who's dealing with the matter, the man or the woman behind those words. Many times, religious articles and lectures address topics from a right/wrong perspective, black or white. We sometimes feel left out, because the emotional or human aspect seems to be lacking. The person seems to not be acknowledging me as a human being. He or she is overlooking my struggles in their pursuit to say what is righteous. It feels alienating, as if I don't exist, as if I'm another statistic. You may say to me or ask me, "Who are you to come and shake the very foundations that have shaped my worldview and perceptions for almost my entire life? Who are you to come and say all of these things to me? To that I say: I am one of you. I am you. I perfectly understand, because I've asked those very questions before, and I know it was hell. But at least, I hope that you can feel the love and compassion, a caressing and gentle hand. I know how all of this feels, because I was there myself, and it took me a long time to internalize these concepts, and to be okay with them. Like I said earlier on, it's a journey. I recognize the human listening to this. I recognize the pain that such concepts would generate. I realize that these themes can be bitter pills to swallow, for many, but I also know that, at least to me, and to many people I know, their effects have been liberating, grounding, peaceful, safe and righteous. That's the main reason I'm doing this podcast to begin with. All I want is for Muslims struggling with same-sex attractions to feel loved, embraced and safe, to feel comfortable in their own skin, and to live a life where they are close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, connected to Him and in line with His rules, to attain happiness in this life and the Next One, inshaAllah. So by all means, it is a journey. It takes time. It takes effort. I know that. We all do. Let's take it step by step, inshaAllah. Many of these concepts will be repeated down the line. We will further examine them from multiple angles - psychologically, spiritually, emotionally, familially, socially, inshaAllah, and I hope that they would make more sense, and they would seem more doable for those who may be struggling with them right now. Perhaps they will resonate differently for you in a way that makes you comfortable with them. I wanted to introduce these notions early on, as they're important to realize and to keep in mind, as we move forward on this journey together, inshaAllah.  

Waheed:   1:13:48
Now, how can we tie everything together? I would say that both paradigms have things to offer. Not that both are equally legitimate, of course. Now, from the essentializing paradigm, or the LGBT paradigm, one can learn acceptance, shedding shame and pain, offering communal support where people seek refuge and find help. Notice how these things are more "emotional", so to speak. From the non-essentializing paradigm, or the Islamic paradigm, we learn that we're much more than our desires. Our desires do not define us as humans. We are unique creatures in the eyes of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, who have wonderful potentials, and it is what we do in our lives that counts. Notice how these are more "rational", so to speak. What we hope, is that we take the good things that the first paradigm offers and we incorporate it as part of the Islamic paradigm. In other words, we couple the rational approach with an understanding of same-sex attractions and the deep emotional needs involved, and offer emotional support as required. When we do that, we've got ourselves a revolution. Forming a proper Islamic paradigm on the matter will never work if the approach is strictly rational, or if it simply touches upon the emotional aspects in a superficial manner. The emotional and rational sides of a proper Islamic paradigm have to go hand in hand and address all of these matters, offering a comprehensive discourse with proper rhetoric. An all encompassing shelter, so to speak. We are in dire need of that. Islam isn't about strict rules that rob you of your individuality or dismiss your experiences and wounds and traumas. Islam beautifully addresses and attends to and refines the human psyche, and tames the human spirit, reconnecting it with its Creator. With Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, there is healing. With Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, we find home. What I'm trying to say from all of this is, we don't need skillful preachers and operators to preach from ivory towers and tell us about the Islamic paradigm. We know that already. We need those same people to find a place in their hearts where they can embrace us, listen to our stories and pains and struggles, and adapt the discourse and the rhetoric accordingly, while upholding the Truth (with a capital T). It's never been about black or white. Islam has never been rigid and dismissive. The problem has never been Islam, rather the people holding its flag and waving it. Islam is about mercy and compassion, while at the same time being firm with the Truth (with a capital T). True mercy and compassion are not separate from the truth. Allah is the source of true love and mercy and compassion. All of these cannot be discussed without Allah, Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, right? Being merciful and compassionate is standing up for what is right and upholding Islamic principles and values. Our happiness, peace and serenity in this life and the Next are by holding on to the Rope of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Waheed:   1:17:10
To end this episode, allow me to use two quotes. The first one is from Oscar Wilde, from his book De Profundis, who said, "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions. Their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." To that, I say: we are done with that! Allah created each and every one of us to be unique and extraordinary, and that can only be achieved through Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala. Let's not live by quotations or labels. We don't allow others to dictate what our identities are, or to pigeonhole our being. We have a spirit that is out of this world, breathed in us through Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We live for Him, by Him, through Him and with Him, and that is all that matters. Hence, our identities are not limited by the earthly realm. We have been made for Heaven, and that's where we shall return one Day, inshaAllah. I end this episode with a beautiful quote by Mawlana Jalaluddin Al-Rumi, who said, "Brother, stand the pain. Escape the poison of your impulses. The sky will bow to your beauty, if you do. Learn to light the candle, rise with the sun, turn away from the cave of your sleeping. That way a thorn expands to a rose." Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I really hope that you have learned from it, inshaAllah, and you have enjoyed it. Again, I realize that a lot of these concepts that I have discussed today are quite intense, and they may cause a lot of cognitive dissonance and a high level of discomfort. To that, I apologize. But it is a very necessary discussion to have. Again, I am available through the email awaybeyondtherainbow@gmail.com, please do send me your comments, suggestions, any thoughts that you would like to share with me. We are all here for you. We have been through this and we continue to go through this, and we are here to give you support and love, and to move forward together, inshaAllah. In the next episode, my dear friend Sinan is joining me to share with you his story. You have been listening to "A Way Beyond the Rainbow" with Waheed Jensen and friends. Until next Friday, inshaAllah, assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh.