#15 - On Hardships, Trials and Tribulations (Part I)

Waheed  0:38  
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi ta’ala wa barakatuh, and welcome to a new episode of “A Way Beyond the Rainbow”, this podcast series dedicated to Muslims experiencing same-sex attractions who want to live a life true to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and Islam. I am your host, Waheed Jensen. Thank you so much for joining me in a brand new episode. Today's episode is one episode of a series talking about hardships and trials and tribulations. My dear friend, Aadam, from season one, you may remember Aadam from the three episodes in season one, when we talked about shame and vulnerability and self-compassion, and all of these beautiful, beautiful concepts. Assalamu alaikom, Aadam!

Aadam  1:18  
Wa alaikom assalam, Waheed. 

Waheed  1:20  
How are you?

Aadam  1:26  
I'm really good, thank you! It's nice to be back. It's been a long time on this podcast. So I'm excited to be back and be talking about this topic.

Waheed  1:36  
Alhamdulillah. Yeah, we're so happy to have you again. And I've been getting lots of emails and lots of messages actually, with a lot of positive feedback about the episodes, the ones you were in, in particular, and you have your own fan club by now I guess with your "Scottish accent" and stuff!

Aadam  1:59  
Well, I don't know about that. Yeah, you know, but I'm happy that it was beneficial, because I think that was a really good start to the podcast series, sort of laid the foundations for a lot of what came after that point. And so yeah, that's, that's good. I'm glad that people enjoyed it. And you know, anything that we have to share, you know, we're happy to share.

Waheed  2:31  
Alhamdulillah, that's great. So thank you again for joining me. Aadam will be a co-host with me in this episode, and the three upcoming episodes as well, inshaAllah. So as I said, this episode is a part of a series where we talk about hardships and trials and tribulations. So Aadam and I will be talking about, you know, why do we suffer? Why do tragedies exist in life? And the fact that life is full of tests and hardships and ups and downs and tribulations, what are the wisdoms behind all of this? We're going to be talking about patience and sacrifice, and we'll be talking about the blessings that come with hardships, and we will be sharing lots of stories and lots of personal insights. We have prepared these episodes together and we have used multiple references. So the references used and cited in these episodes include the Book of Calamities, Tribulations, Hardships and Disasters, or the Benefits of Tribulation and Tests, written by al-Imam al-'Izz bin 'Abdi-s-Salam, which is a book that is written to help understand the wisdom behind difficulties in life, and this has been used in a lecture by Sh. Hamza Yusuf, the lecture is called "The 17 Benefits of Tribulation". We've also used Yasmin Mogahed's book "Reclaim Your Heart", we definitely recommend it, it's an excellent read. We will also include stories of prophets and people of righteousness in these episodes, as well as our own thoughts and reflections.

So let's start first by talking about the problem of evil and suffering. So the question is that we keep asking ourselves is, "Why do we suffer?" Or the common question is, "Why do 'bad' things happen to 'good' people", right? The world is filled with with tragedies, we have lots of wars happening, starvation, killings, rape, all sorts of calamities. And for us, in particular, individuals who experience SSA or struggle with SSA, "Why do we have to deal with SSA? And, at the same time, how can there be an All-Loving, All-Powerful Deity who would allow such misfortunes to happen? And if Allah/God is indeed Just and Good, then shouldn't only "good things" happen to 'good people' and shouldn't only 'bad things' happen to 'bad people'? But why is the opposite happening?" And all of these questions we have struggled with. I remember, I have personally struggled with this, and tons of us actually ask ourselves this on a constant basis. "Why do these things happen in the world?" This kind of brings us to the question of our purpose, in relation to the Greater Reality of Existence. And if we think about it, we can boil it down to two worldviews, when it comes to the purpose of life: one worldview, or let's say, the first paradigm, is one that says that this life is the reality, it is our final destination, and it is the ultimate goal of our endeavors. Whereas the other paradigm says that this life is only a bridge, it's a means that stands as nothing more than a glimpse in the context of God's infinite Reality. So it's a means to a specific End. For those of us in the first group, you know, that this life is the reality, it's the final destination, this life is everything. It is the end to which we all strive, all our actions strive to this end. But for those of us in the second group, we realize that this life tends towards zero. Why is that? Because if we compare this life to infinity, even the largest number becomes zero. Nothing. So this life is only a drop in an ocean.

Aadam  6:43  
This is a very deep topic. Subhan Allah, and this is something that I personally grappled with, a lot. Not so much now, but definitely in my younger formative years, and I mean "formative" in the sense of the molding or shaping of my worldview and ideas. Because, like so many of us, we don't always grow up particularly religious. So my upbringing wasn't rooted in the Deen, to the extent that I think I now would have perhaps liked. But you know, it is what it is. And what I found interesting was, you're talking about some of the questions that people ask, and people ask things like, you know, "Why don't only good things happen to good people?" and similarly with the "bad things" happening to "bad people". And one of the things I've realized is that good and bad, for one, don't exist as a dichotomy in people or in the world. So saying "good people" is a generalization of how we perceive a person's reactions, actions, speech, etc., what they show to us in the world, and similarly "bad" as well, so, like, we judge people based on what we see about them, what we hear about them, how they behave, etc. And to say somebody is "only good" or somebody is "only bad," well this is just false, we know this. Because that light and dark exist in us all. We are all capable of great things, good things, but we're also all capable of bad things. And I feel like this is one of the things that I had to understand and wrap my head around, when I was looking at this topic, and even when I think about it now, because it's to assume "good people" is almost a model or perfection that just doesn't exist in this world. And again, it comes back to this idea of, you know, a fundamental understanding of why we're here, what this world means, etc. And a lot of what we assume to be "good" and "bad" is based on our experiences or society around us, particularly when there's not been religious or ideological training of some type. And so that could exist in, you know, in any number of ways, but obviously for us as Muslims. So my question, I started to question, like what do we actually know about the ultimate good and bad of anything, like really, really? How can we say that, you know, killing someone is a bad thing, or how can we say that being kind is a good thing? You see? I went through a process of really going through a lot of the things that we're taught are true and false when it comes to the topic of morality. And one of the things I concluded was when I looked amongst just people and just the world in the way that it was, and bear in mind, for context, we're talking about, like, late 2000s, start of the 2010s and, you know, all the way up to now. So just as context for time and space. But one thing I realized was that good and bad is highly subjective if it's left to human beings. So if we leave it up to human beings, good and bad is always going to be, you know, what one person thinks is good and it won't be necessarily what the other person thinks. And this is obviously half of the battle with, or this is a challenge that we as people who experience SSA have with the wider society and how they view SSA. You know, this idea of what is morally good as an outcome versus what's morally bad as an outcome. And then beyond that, one thing that I started to understand was that free will, having free will, the fact that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given us the ability to choose, necessitates the possibility for there to exist good and bad, because, ultimately, He has let human beings make a choice. If there wasn't a choice, then there wouldn't necessarily be a good door, but well, there wouldn't be a bad once. We would be like the angels. And so, a lot of what I've just said, it really touches on fundamental aspects of our belief as Muslims, and I spent a really long time grappling with this, like really in the trenches trying to understand what makes sense, from a worldview perspective, what what can explain the reality of why we're here, and is holistic in its approach of explaining the world in the most complete way, and is consistent? Because a lot of what you find with people and people's views is that they're not complete, like there's holes to be poked, and you could argue the same for Islam, and I'm aware of that, which is fine and fair, but in my view, and in my understanding, I don't think that that's the case. I feel like it sets a really strong basis and fundamental from which we then evolve, and our 'aqeedah as they call it, our belief, that strong base, that fundamental thing that grounds us is, for the most part, universally accepted amongst Muslims, regardless of the sect you come from. Agree there's nuance differences on certain topics, but we're not here to deal with that. We're here just to say, you know, the fundamentals, like no one's going to turn around - if you are a Muslim, no one is going to turn around and say, "There's 10 gods", right? Because it's understood that Allah is one, no one's going to turn around and you know, make these types of outrageous claims. Because it's so ingrained and it's fundamental amongst us all. Obviously, throughout this episode, we will touch on a lot of things that some people might not be aware of, some people might know really well, and some people might sit somewhere in between. But my recommendation would be for people to really study this and interrogate this topic, because it's so important. I think one thing it will teach you and it taught me was how to think, and how to weigh up different worldviews and points. And that's something I'm continually learning and expanding on. But this entire topic, the problem of evil, is not a new one. It's like centuries old. People like the scholars have been discussing this for a long time. And in many ways, depending on your perspective, you could consider it having been put to bed. Obviously, as generations come, it has to be relearned, etc., and we have to pass down the knowledge and wisdom. So yeah, my encouragement would be just for people to learn. So having said all of that, so these distinct worldviews directly affect the question of purpose. If this life that we're living is the ultimate reality, so to speak, the final destination or the goal of all of what we do, then the purpose would really just be to maximize the pleasure and gain that we get in this life. Under that understanding or paradigm, "bad things" are in fact happening to "good people", all the time, every second. We know this, we've experienced this, you know, that's us pretty much. And then, within that paradigm, people reach conclusions that there is no ultimate justice, and therefore there is no God, or God is not Just. So that logic and thinking based on that thought pattern or approach could seem like it makes sense, and obviously, that's not what we believe. But there's a lot of people that believe this. And a quote by our dear sister Yasmin Mogahed, who I really have a lot of respect for, because she was, I remember when she first released her book, and she was dropping wisdom all over the place, and I hadn't heard anybody in the Muslim space in the Western world that was talking about Islam in the way that she was. She was really addressing this spiritual void that I think a lot of people, like me, coming up in the West, felt as the grew up, and then obviously as adults. But she has this quote and I'm just going to read it for you all: “It’s like a person who concludes that there must be no God because they had a bad dream. But why don’t we give the experiences of our dreams much weight? After all, some dreams are horrifying to live through—and very often do happen to ‘good’ people. In our dreams, do we not experience extreme terror or bliss? Yes. But why doesn’t it matter? Because put in the context of our real life, it is nothing.” So that really sort of puts it into perspective. Subhan Allah. And if we look at the other world, or the Islamic worldview, which I've sort of touched on, the purpose of our existence is not to maximize pleasure and gain in this life that we believe is transient. We're here for a time, a period, we're here to do good works, which I'll get to, but we're not here for eternity. This is not the ultimate end. Things that happen here are fleeting - one moment you're in a "good" state and the next thing you know you're in a "bad" one, etc. and so on. So our worldview and our purpose even is defined by what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us in the Qur'an, Allah says in Surat Adh-Dhariyat, “And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me” (51:56). And this verse begins with a negation, so that is, I did not create the jinn and mandkind for any purpose - Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala negates all other purposes before He states the one and only singular purpose which is "except to worship Me". And for us as believers, this means that we know or I know that there is no other purpose for my existence except to know, love and get closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And this is the one and only reason why humanity was created (and jinnkind because they're included in that statement). And parallels the Shahada or the testimony of faith, which first negates the existence of any false gods or false dieties ("la ilaha") and then affirms the One True God ("illa Allah"). And this is the most essential realization, as it defines everything that we all do or believe, that all of our actions flow from that essential fundamental purpose. And I can't stress that enough, the fundamentals and the understanding of why we are here, what the world is as a reality, and who Allah is as a Reality. This is all absolutely essential knowledge for all Muslims. I don't know that I would be where I am if I didn't learn all of these things, subhan Allah. And I don't take them for granted. And I also find that in the most difficult moments, this is the thing that grounds me and helps me get through the most challenging times of life, which goes back to the whole "How do we get through challenging situations as Muslims?" I mean, essentially, this just defines our entire experience. And as I said, I can't stress enough, this is something that we should all engage with, at some level. And for me, in my experience, I had two sort of voids, and other people might have experienced it differently, but I had an intellectual longing and thirst to know from a logical/rational/mind perspective, like "Who is Allah? What does He want from me? How do I understand Him? How can I worship Him? How do I approach Him" and all of these things, but there was this other invisible, intangible and metaphysical part, which was, OK, I know who You are, or at least, you know, on paper, I know who You are, but I don't know you in my experience. So like, how do we bridge that gap? And subhan Allah, I've said this in the past, but one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life is to be Muslim. And that might sound strange for some people, but let me explain. It's hard because there was a lot of barriers that had to be overcome. I had to understand my own conditioning, from a young age up to the point of discovering and really engaging with Islam in an intellectual way. And essentially, like when I went through the entire experience of understanding the Deen as much as I could, to the fullest extent I could, really I was left with a choice, "Do I now take a leap of faith and, you know, embrace this completely? Or do I not do that and just continue living or live in another way and just try and figure it out myself?" I mean, intellectually, the reasons for doing either/or were quite strong. I'm not even gonna lie about it. As someone with SSA, it's not easy. So there was, you know, a decision to be made, and I mean, I would argue that we are faced with that decision on a daily basis, because it's not like you do it and that's it, and you live a fairytale life.

Waheed  20:30  
It's a day-to-day struggle.

Aadam  20:32  
Right. So we're having to engage with this all the time - having that foundation, having that knowledge, but then, I think the thing that tipped me to the other side, to Islam, specifically, was the peace that I felt with it, it was the intangible, it was the metaphysical, it was the spiritual. It gave and offered something that I couldn't find this in the Dunya. And even like till now I can't. So even on the days where you feel like you're not doing well, or I felt like maybe I was messing up, or I felt distant from the Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala or whatever it might have been, That metaphysical/spiritual pull was the thing that kept me going, and to be honest, it's the same thing that keeps me going even now. Even now when like there's, you know, moments of whatever weakness or whatever you want to call them, that's the thing that keeps me going, is that it's the Right Path. And I felt an obligation to stick with it. A brother said something to me, and he said, because I think he was experiencing a challenging moment where he was having to make a choice between living a Muslim life and Islamic life versus you know, going full LGBT and doing what he needs to do, and one thing he said to me was, "I couldn't do that, because once you know, you know! And once you believe, you believe! You can unbelieve something once you believed it". And that's true. You can't do that. You really have to start shutting down fundamental parts of yourself and your soul in order to do that. So yeah, subhan Allah, it's a massive blessing to be Muslim.

Waheed  22:15  
Absolutely. And one thing that you - actually just going on a tangent again, when you were reading the verse from the Qur'an, that “I did not create the jinn and mankind [for any purpose]..." It's like, there is no purpose for us other than to worship Allah, and people think that "Okay, we were created to worship Him, like I should be praying day and night?" But it's not just that - it's to get to know Allah, to love Allah, to get closer to Him and so on. This is the purpose of this life, right? And so going back to the meaning of good and bad, questions that we asked at the beginning of this episode, so if we think about that: anything that brings me closer to my ultimate purpose is "good", and anything that takes me away from my ultimate purpose is "bad" in an ultimate sense, right? So if we're talking in relative terms, so if my focus is on the material world, then if I gain wealth, status, fame or property, then that would be "good". Whereas losing my wealth and status and fame or property is "bad", because my ultimate aim is this material world, those worldly things that I care about, and those define my "good" and "bad". So in the first paradigm, which is you know, "This life is all there is, this is the reality", when an innocent person loses every material possession that he or she owns, then that is a "bad thing" happening to a "good person", right? But this is the illusion that comes with that worldview, when the lens itself is kind of distorted, then the image that we see through that lens is also distorted, because the worldview itself is kind of distorted. Our worldview as an Islamic worldview, as a paradigm, anything that brings us closer to our purpose - and what is our purpose? Allah created us for that purpose, which is to get closer to Allah, to love Him, to know about Him, right? So anything that brings me close to that purpose is "good", and anything that takes me away from that purpose is what? "Bad". So for example, if I win a billion dollars, that might be the worst calamity that has ever hit me, if it's going to take me away from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and make me forget Him, right? On the other hand, if I lose my job, or if I lose a loved one, or if I lose all my wealth and all of my belongings, if I lose my health, and I fall, ill for example, it might actually be the greatest blessing, if it brings me closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You see how a change in perspective changes everything? This is the reality that Allah talks about in the Qur'an. In Surat Al-Baqarah, Allah says, “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not” (2:216). So, the conclusion is, as believers, our criteria are no longer gaining or losing things in a material sense, our criteria are much, much higher than that. What I have or do not have, in a worldly sense, is only relevant in as much as it brings me closer or farther from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So, in a sense, this Dunya becomes nothing more than the dream that I experience for a moment, and then I awaken from it. Whether that dream was good or bad for me, as you said, you know, sometimes we have good dreams, and sometimes we have bad dreams, but then how does this relate to our life? It doesn't, because it's just a moment and then we snap out of it. So that dream, which is this life, depends only on my state once I am awake, right? So it doesn't count to anything except towards how my state is when I am fully awake, which is when I get out of this Dunya into the Real Life that is waiting for me. In the ultimate scale of things, if we look at things globally, in that sense, then there is perfect justice, right? Because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives the "good things", and in this sense from our worldview, it is the nearness and closeness to Him, His Love, He gives those things to "good people", and He distances from Him, who? The "bad people". So the greatest good is nearness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, in this life and the Next. And who are the ones who are blessed with this? They are only the good people in this life, who strive towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And so, that's why the Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Strange is the case of a believer, there is good for him in everything—and this is only for the believer. If a blessing reaches him, he is grateful to God, which is good for him, and if an adversity reaches him, he is patient which is good for him”. So all our situations are good for us, inshaAllah, regardless whether we see them as "bad things" or "good things", in the worldly sense, but in the larger scheme of things, in the more ultimate scale of things, whatever brings us towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the "good thing", right?

Aadam  27:22  
Yeah, subhan Allah. It's a great grounding, subhan Allah, we're very blessed to have this, because people spend their entire lives, using their own experiences, their knowledge, to try and figure out why they exist. And obviously, they create their own philosophies and ideas and so on. And the world is full of people who are just in constant debate and bickering about good, bad and everything that sits between it. And one of the massive blessings of being Muslim, and I actually think this now more than ever, because we live in a time where the number of ideas that we have access to is unprecedented. There's never been a time in history where we can access such polarized opinions and views so quickly and so fast. And that itself is a massive fitnah, because there's so many of us who - and I don't say this to diminish people - but we just don't know how to critically think and receive information that especially contradicts our own experience and worldview. That can be ground shattering. And I speak from experience. So, you know, part of, I think, our approach just as a community, holistically, is we need to teach our children those skills of what's known as the liberal arts - to teach people logic, to teach people how to think, to teach our children rhetoric. These are things that Sh. Hamza Yusuf talks a lot about. If you've watched his videos, he talks about the liberal arts. At least that's what I think they're called. And he talks about this and how this used to be part and parcel of our education. And it's lost, not only just amongst Muslims, but just people in general. Unless you are spending time training in these spaces, whether you're doing actively or passively, it's quite hard 

Waheed  29:30  
You're not usually expose to them, yeah.

Aadam  29:32  
Yeah, exactly. Right. And so it's just constant going backwards and forth of ideas. But going back to the hadith, as the hadith says, whether something is good or bad isn't defined by how it appears on the outward. The goodness, as explained by this hadith, is defined by the good internal state that it produces. I say this a lot, I say this to friends quite often, that, you know, when I've had conversations with people who look at the success of others, whether it's their career or their family, or their business, or whatever it might be, and they often look at that, and they use that as the yardstick for measuring the blessedness and the pleasure which Allah has of that person or that group of people. And I say to that, to an extent, you know, it's clear that there's blessing here, or at least what appears to us as blessing, especially if it's visible, so like family and wealth and all these things. But ultimately, that's not like the yardstick in the eyes of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And Allah doesn't really care for our poverty or our richness. That is not the thing by which He measures us against at all. And I think we often forget that and get bogged down by it as people. But like I said, the hadith says is this good internal state that it produces, having patience, having sabr and having gratitude, both manifestations of peace and closeness with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Ultimately, Allah is looking for how conscious you are of Him (taqwa), He is looking for the sincerity of your heart and how clean it is in the way that we navigate in life, how we feel with other people, how we are with our families, how conscious we are of Him, you know, how much we show Him gratitude, and how much we cultivate that relationship. And a big shift for me has been to think about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala like I would think about any other relationship, but even more so. Because I feel like sometimes a barrier can be that, "Oh, God is so far and unreachable, how do we reach this Holy Being?" and all of this. And I feel part of the process of getting to or building an intimate relationship is to break down that that barrier and just be with Him as you are, because like, He knows you inside and out, subhan Allah, there is nothing that He doesn't know. Even when we feel like we are hiding from Him. You know, there's nothing that He doesn't know. And you know, like in this worldview, the worst thing that can happen is being distant from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, in this life and then obviously in the Next as a consequence. And it's only "bad" people who are punished with this - "bad" in the ultimate sense. So you might be kind, you may be loving, etc., all of these great things but if you're negligent with your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and what that entails as a consequence, then that's what is the ultimate "bad" in the eyes of Allah, who is the Perfect Judge for Muslims. And what people who have distanced themselves have or don't have by way of wealth and their status and their property and their fame - that's inconsequential. Like this is actually an evidence for the existence of God, or rather His Love. Because if you think about it, we have lots of people who are very wealthy but they absolutely don't believe in Allah. They don't follow anything to do with Allah, they don't really care. But they're continuing to amass large sums of wealth and fame and acclaim. And Allah is allowing that to happen. And that's part of His Mercy on people or humanity universally. And these people won't ever have access to the type of love that somebody who has built an intimate relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has. And the way that the these individuals would then see their life and their role and purpose in it is very different as well, subhan Allah. So, let's not fall into that trap. The material goods are not an indicator of having status with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And Allah says in Surat Taha, “And do not extend your eyes toward that by which We have given enjoyment to [some] categories of them, [its being but] the splendor of worldly life by which We test them. And the provision of your Lord is better and more enduring” (20:131). Subhan Allah, so everything I've just said, that literally is summarized in there, that it doesn't matter what you see on the outside, it's just a test and it's just a decoration of life. And it's given to "good people" and it's given to "bad people". That really doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. And again, another quote from our sister Yasmin Mogahed, “The enduring life is the one that begins once we awaken from this world. And it is in that awakening that we realize, it was only a dream”. Subhan Allah.

Waheed  35:03  
And actually, this reminds us of a quote from Imam Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) who said something like (this is a rough translation from Arabic): "People are asleep, and if they die, they take notice. And once they do take notice, they feel regret on the Day where regret doesn't help". So it's like this Dunya is a place where - it's like a dream, right? People are usually asleep. You're lucky if you're awake in this life and you realize your true potential, your true purpose, and you serve Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And a lot of us are living in a state of a dream, and we are very far from that. So, once we die, we are awaken, and then we regret the fact that we have lived this life and we did not pursue our real purpose in life, right?

So this has been kind of a glimpse into the problem of evil and suffering, and it's just kind of an invitation for us to learn more about this. But in the Qur'an, there's a very famous story in Surat Al-Kahf, which comes to mind at this point, which is the story between Prophet Musa (PBUH) and Al-Khidr, which is mentioned in Surat Al-Kahf from verses 60-82, and this addresses the problem of evil. So just a brief summary - a lot of us know the story. But in those verses, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions to us, He recites the story, or the voyage that happened between Prophet Musa (PBUH) and Al-Khidr. So Moses, peace be upon him, seeks Al-Khidr, who is a man who was given knowledge by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Moses was told by Allah that Al-Khidr was more learned than he. So Moses seeks to follow him to learn from him, but Al-Khidr warned him that he won't have enough patience. And he asks him not to ask him about anything until he himself mentions it to Moses (PBUH). So both of them set out walking along the seashore, a boat passed by them, and they asked the crew of the boat to take them on board. The crew recognized Al-Khidr, so they took them on board without taking a fare from them. When they were on board the boat, Al-Khidr later scuttles the boat (so he creates a hole in it). And at that point, Moses peace be upon him, says to him, "What have you done? They took us onboard charging us nothing yet you have intentionally made a hole in their boat so as to drown its passengers. Verily, you have done a dreadful thing". Al-Khidr replied, "Did I not tell you that you would not be able to remain patient with me?" So Moses replied, "Do not blame me for what I have forgotten and do not be hard upon me for my fault". So the first excuse of Moses was that he had forgotten. Now, what happened was, when they had left the sea, they passed by a boy playing with other boys. Al-Khidr took hold of the boy's head and plucked it with his hand, and so the boy died. So at that point, Moses was shocked, and he told him, "Have you killed an innocent person who has not killed any person?" Like this is a child, an innocent child, "You have really done a horrible thing". And Al-Khidr replied again, he told him, "Did I not tell you that you could not remain patient with me?" Moses said at this point, "If I ask you about anything after this, do not accompany me. You have received an excuse for me". Now, they continue their journey, and both of them went on until they came to a village with some people. They asked its inhabitants for food, but the inhabitants refused to entertain them as guests. So they were very stingy and they were rude to them. Then they both came across a wall, which was just about to collapse. What did Al-Khidr do in this case? He repaired it. So Moses was shocked again, he was like, "These are the people whom we have called on but they neither gave us food nor entertained us as guests, yet you have repaired their wall?" Like it doesn't make sense, right? If you had wished, you could have taken wages for it. And at this point, Al-Khidr said, "This is the parting between you and me, and I shall tell you the explanation of those things on which you could not remain patient". So we learn about Al-Khidr's intentions. So what were the intentions behind him creating a hole in that ship of the innocent, poor people, or killing that innocent, poor child or repairing a wall that was about to collapse in that village of very rude people? Like all of this doesn't make sense, right?

Aadam  39:44  
I know. And you know, when you were talking about the part where Musa (PBUH) says to Al-Khidr that he could have asked them for money for repairing the wall.. I know for sure that would have been something I would have said! Because, on the outward, if you think about it, like these people are obviously not helping you, you're traveling, they're not, you know, giving you a place to stay or food or etc., and they're not treating guests well. And you end up doing something for them like that, that is good and you're benefiting them in some way. Like, why wouldn't you? Because ultimately, they're not giving you anything anyway, so you might as well ask them for money. So it's such a logical thing. And I think that with this story, it's very easy to sit on the opposite side of it and be like, "Mhm Musa you made the wrong choices! You asked the wrong questions!" Because we know what comes after. But like when you're in the moment of it, it's not easy, because you're just reacting as you would based on what you know.

Waheed  39:52  
100%. Because we are looking through the eyes of Musa (PBUH). We are the people asking these questions. Like those poor people took them on the ship, without any fare, and ultimately what happened was there was a hole created by Al-Khidr to kind of wreck the ship. So it doesn't make sense - like any any logical or rational human being would be like, "What is going on? You shouldn't have done that", right? And the same happens with the kid, like you've killed an innocent child, like what on earth? What person with a decent mind would actually do this? And then, why would you repair a wall that was about to fall in a village of rude people? Just let it be, like, you know? So it doesn't make sense. But Allah teaches us that there are lessons to be learned from this.

Aadam  41:45  
Yeah, absolutely. 

Waheed  41:46  
So how about you take us through that?

Aadam  41:49  
Yeah, of course. So as for the ship and the situation with that, it belonged to poor people working in the sea, as we then obviously find out. So in my mind, I'm actually visualizing these verses in Surat Al-Kahf, because we obviously recite those on a Friday as part of Jum'aah, and I'm quite familiar with the sequence now having done it for a while. But anyway, the ship belonged to poor people working in the sea. He wanted to cause damage to it as there was a king after them who was seizing every single ship by force. And by doing this, he wouldn't seize this ship, because why would you want something that is defective, something that is probably likely to sink, there's not going to be worth much to you, as you know. So, their ship then is left alone, and they still have their source of income, subhan Allah. So, even though the act of damaging that ship was - I mean, you can consider it "bad", not good, evil even, it actually led to this outcome that was not obvious in that moment, subhan Allah. And that was always something that Al-Khidr knew because of the knowledge that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And then, as for the boy, his parents were believers, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Qur'an, "we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief. So we intended that their Lord should change him for them for one better in righteousness and nearer to mercy”. And so the boy dies before the age of being accountable for his actions, meaning that he's destined for Jannah, and his parents have another child who is righteous. So the parents are spared the pain of a child that is rebellious and who'd become a person that is not who they would like him to become, and instead are replaced with a child who is righteous and obedient. And so again, you can't foresee that. There's nobody on Earth who could predict the outcome of a child based fully on just looking at it, like it's not possible, subhan Allah. And then, as for the wall, it belonged to orphan boys in the town, and underneath it was a treasure that belonged to them. And their father was a righteous man. And in Surat Al-Kahf, it says, “and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord. And I did it not of my own accord.” And so had the treasure been found after the wall fell, the people of the town would have taken it. So there's these outcomes that we are absolutely unaware of. And the whole story demonstrates the wisdom and the knowledge of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and our knowledge is limited. We don't know the totality of all things, and this is why, when people talk about morality and good and bad and have their opinions - I mean, opinions, they're nice, but the thing is that human beings are subjective and limited in what they know. So we really need to understand that, and I feel like most of society don't take that seriously enough. I mean, I wouldn't blame them for that, because the thing is, they have evidence to support their worldviews. So they do a certain thing and for them, it gives them relative comfort and peace and whatever in life, and for them that's their evidence, that's enough evidence for them. Whereas, for us as Muslims, we understand, whilst that may be the case, and maybe in the physical reality there's comfort, there's peace, etc., there's a spiritual reality, there's a metaphysical reality that we have to account for. And just because something seems good on the outward doesn't mean that it is, just because it feels good, it doesn't mean that in its essence is. So, going back to these stories: a shipwreck ("bad") ended up saving those poor people's source of income ("good"), and the death of the boy ("bad"), as painful and heart wrenching as that is, sends that boy to Jannah and replaces his parents with a boy destined for righteousness ("good"), and a falling wall in a town full of rude people ends up repaired, which doesn't make sense, right? Because like I said, I'd have been like, "Let's ask these people for a buck, because we just did them a favor".

Waheed  43:25  
Or not do it at all, because they don't deserve it!

Aadam  46:32  
Well yeah! That's true.. But it ends up saving the rights of orphans ("good"). So Musa (PBUH) was looking through the eye of the outward the entire time, and everything that he saw Al-Khidr doing was wrong, or at least he perceived it to be wrong, but when explained to him by Al-Khidr, and by extension the knowledge that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gave him, Musa (PBUH) says, "I didn't realize". And this again, it goes back to the point: we just don't know, we don't know the totality of all things. And sometimes things happen in our lives that cause pain and suffering, like we saw, and we should grieve them and we should deal with them, but at the other side of them, when we look in hindsight, I mean, nine times out of ten.. In fact, ten times out of ten, you will find benefit, you'll find something in there that you have now realized, you've grown from, etc. And if you look at this on a more broader scale, what happens on the Day of Judgment? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala explains everything to us and people will say, "Now it makes sense". So the difference between believers/Muslims and non-believers is that the former know it makes sense, and we're willing to wait until the Day of Judgment to have it explained, because we have trust in Him. And sometimes we get an explanation of things that happen in our life and why they happen the way they do, and sometimes we don't. And that's just the reality of life. And I think that that trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the real trust is being able to believe in His goodness and His intended good for us despite the circumstances of our lives. And that's not an easy thing to develop. It requires a lot of experience in life and a lot of introspection. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in Surat At-Talaq, “And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent” (65:3). So we can't make a judgement of a thing without completely understanding that thing in its totality. And like I said, as human beings, we can know as much as is physically possible, but there's still limitations to that. And that's why a judge has to know all the facts. So if we prejudge, that is the equivalent of prejudice, which is a moral vice. So we can't prejudge Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We don't have the right to do that. Because He subhanahu wa ta'ala is the One who knows all things.

Waheed  49:13  
And as you were talking about logic. Actually, it's a principle of logic: when you want to judge something, to judge a thing is only one aspect of conceptualizing the entirety of that thing. So, in order to be able to judge, we have to have all the facts, and we don't. So, we as humans, we are deficient in that, we don't have all the facts. We will never have all the facts all the time. Like it's not a possibility.

Aadam  49:40  
Yup. Agreed. Absolutely. And, again, Allah refers to this directly in the Qur'an, in Surat Al-Israa', He says, “And mankind have not been given of knowledge except a little" (17:85). Subhan Allah. And, you know, it's very hard to embody this all the time. I think I would be disingenuous if I said that I was doing that all the time. I don't. But that's not the point. I think the point is that we have those moments of weakness. We have those moments of doubt. But we find our way back somehow through all of the wilderness and the chaos, and whatever else is going on. We find our way back.

Waheed  50:34  
Okay. So we know that tragedies happen in life, and they are tough, and we have trials and tribulations - each one of us has different trials and tribulations, and each of these trials, one is more difficult than the other, right? They come on different scales, they come in different times, they have different variables that are intertwined together, they affect different people, we react to them differently, and so on. And with everything that's going on in this life, particularly for us people who struggle with same-sex attractions, depending on where we are in our lives, in which stages we are in, and to what extent we have overcome this, or are still struggling with this, or what we have sought help in order to overcome this, or whatever there is, you know.. Sometimes we're in a very, very dark place, and we feel like we are cornered and we feel that it's just the end of the world and it's too much to bear. And sometimes we really, really hyper focus on our own tragedies to the point that we forget everything and everyone else. And there's a nice saying by Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) who said, "There's not a tribulation that doesn't have a tribulation that could be worse than it". No matter what we have, there's going to be something much more difficult than it, so it kind of gives us ease, but at the same time, it's difficult to assess what is happening when you look at people, there are different degrees of tribulations out there, and comparisons aren't fair either. So a lot of us, you know, fall into this trap of "Oh, look at X or look at Y, they have it worse than you". Well, sure, that might be the case, but you know, in a sense of being empathetic to other people - so we as Muslims, in particular, we fall into this trap of wanting to make it easier on other people, by telling them, "Oh, look at X or Y they have it worse than you". Well, okay, yeah, sure, it might be the case, but when it comes to empathy, like it shouldn't be the case of comparing us to other people. Especially because it kind of delegitimizes our struggles, but at the same time, it also helps us to kind of put it in perspective, "Okay, I am suffering. Yes, it is not easy. But I know that everyone is going through trials and tribulations, and I know that people might have it worse than me or more manageable than me. But we are all dealt different cards. So let's see how to kind of navigate that. Let's see how to move forward". And this is the whole idea of all of these episodes that we're doing together, inshaAllah.

Aadam  53:16  
Yeah, I agree, subhan Allah. And I have been guilty of that approach of focusing on the negative and drawing comparisons. Because how that affected me was I stopped looking at the good things that were happening in life. In fact, forget stop looking, I couldn't see them, point blank. I really couldn't see them. And having come on the other side of that now, alhamdulillah, I feel like my understanding of life is really evolved. And I feel like living a happy and fulfilled life doesn't take place when we eliminate pain and suffering which some people might hear and be like, "Well what do you mean by that? How can you be happy and fulfilled whilst enduring pain and suffering?" In my view, it happens when we don't allow the pain and suffering to be the pain with which we tell the story of our life. Because how we talk to ourselves, how we tell other people who we are, and how we tell our story is incredibly powerful. And shifting that perspective, and moving away from - there may well be pain and suffering. I would never deny that for somebody. And I don't deny it for myself, because, you know, it's not the right thing to do. But by the same token, there's so much good as well. Like life isn't perfect, and it never will be enough. I've come to a place where I have really deeply accepted that. It can be extraordinarily beautiful. And that's also true. That's undeniable. There's so much beauty as well. So even in amongst all of the challenges and the pain and the suffering, you can still observe and appreciate the beauty of life and the goodness that's inside of it. And it's about how, for me, it was about making that shift and choice in myself over a long period. It didn't happen overnight, it wasn't like a light switch, it took a while of coaching and just trying to move past certain things. And this is also found in hadith of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) who said when asked which people are the most severely tested, "The Prophets then those nearest to them then those nearest to them. A man is tried according to his religion; if he is firm in his religion, then his trials are more severe, and if he is frail in his religion, then he is tried according to the strength of his religion. The servant shall continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sins." Subhan Allah. And I feel like, what I've just said about the idea of life being imperfect, like it just is, this is not Jannah, it is not perfection. And I just have found a lot of peace in accepting that. And when the trials come, just, you know, using what I know about Allah and all of what we have already spoken about as an anchor to staying firm, and also having people around me that help me do that. That's a whole other topic. You know that I could not do it without those people.

Waheed  56:40  
We cannot do this alone, we're not meant to do this alone, right? We have to belong to a community. So like when we say in Al-Fatiha, "Iyyaaka na'budu wa lyyaaka nasta'een" = "It is You we worship", not "I worship". So we have to be as part of a community, right? We cannot do this alone. So when we talk about trials and tribulations, one of the first names that comes to mind is Prophet Ayyub/Job (PBUH). He was a wealthy man. His wealth comprised many kinds of property - at the time he had tons of property, like cattle, sheep, slaves at the time, and he also possessed vast pieces of land, he had so many children, he had a large family. But all of those things were seized from him and his body was inflicted with different kinds of diseases, so that not one of his limbs was sound except for his heart and his tongue, by which he used to remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That is it. He lost everything and everyone, and he was only able to remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He was afflicted with severe diseases. Like imagine this... Losing everything and everyone. The only person who stayed with him was his own wife. With everything that happened to him, he met these hardships with patience and perseverance. He remembered Allah and he mentioned Him devotedly at night and during the day, in the morning and in the evening, he was always remembering Allah, despite everything that happened to him. And then his illness didn't stop, it continued to multiply, and it exacerbated. It continued for so long that his friends and relatives parted with him. They were like "We cannot deal with this guy anymore". He was exiled from his city (imagine this), they threw him out of his city into wilderness outside, and he was away from habitation, and the only person that was with him was his wife. She tended to him while everyone else kept themselves away. She nursed him, she gave him his rights remembering his kindness to her in earlier times. She stood by him. She helped him even when he needed to void himself (like, imagine!) And soon, she had to start earning a living. So what she did was she started working so that she could feed her own husband in his weakness. Talk about complete commitment! And let's just take a moment to give a shout out to all of the women who sacrifice day in and day out, because we feel that, particularly in our communities, we don't say enough. Women rock! Really.. Like really! I mean, MashaAllah! There are lots of wonderful women in our communities, wonderful mothers and wives, who really sacrifice so much for their families, and they're not given enough credit for that. May Allah reward them immensely beyond imagination.

Aadam  59:30  
Ameen, ameen!

Waheed  59:31  
So the wife of Ayyub (PBUH), completely committed, she was patient with him over what had happened in terms of, you know, losing their property, losing their children, losing their relatives, everything. Kicked out of town. Even with their financial position being tightened and with her husband being sick and all of that, and she had to work for other people, after having lived an easy and comfortable life. So she chose to endure and to be with her husband and to go through all of these hardships with him. So she was a true fighter, and we should never forget that when we talk about the story of Ayyub (PBUH). Now, as we said, all of these hardships and trials and tribulations that afflicted Ayyub (PBUH), they only increased him in patience and gratitude towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. His patience became proverbial and even his affliction is cited as an example to this day, "The patience of Ayyub (PBUH)" right? It's a very common example that we cite day in and day out.

Aadam  1:00:35  
This part really got me, subhan Allah! Because what he goes on to say to his wife, as she questions him about his situation, when I read it, it was the embodiment of love for Allah. Like really, it was, to me it was like, this is a man who, despite the suffering, he had love, unwavering love for his Lord, subhan Allah. There's no denying that. And so, his wife says to him, she says, "Oh, Ayyub, perhaps you should pray to your Lord to give you relief". And then he responds to her by saying, "I lived happily for seventy years in sound health. Is it now wrong that I show patience for the sake of Allah for another seventy years?" Subhan Allah. That is profound. This really pierced a part of my heart, and I thought "this is love embodied!" Because he could do that, and most likely Allah would listen to his prayer and answer it, he's a prophet of God. But he's saying, "You know what, He gave me so much for seventy years. Would it be the worst thing in the world if for the next seventy I showed some patience?" Phenomenal, subhan Allah. It's inspiring. I mean, I don't say that to make us feel bad. I say that because it uplifts, because I know that nobody's gonna have to go through that now. That's a test for a prophet. But it just fills me with a lot of hope. It's so inspiring, subhan Allah, and I draw a lot of hope and energy from it. And I hope that that's how others will take that as well, subhan Allah. And the wife of Ayyub is a legend, by the way. She just keeps going, so she continues to work for other people and attend to her husband. However, people stopped employing her, because they feared that she might pass on to them some part of the disease of her husband Ayyub (PBUH). And when that happened, she sold part of her hair to some ladies and bought some food for her husband, and he asked her how she got the food, how did she manage it? And she answered that she had been in the service of some people. And then the next day, she did the same thing. And he refused to eat until she told him how she had managed to get the food. And then she uncovered her head, and when he saw that it was shaved, he turned to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and said, "'Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful'" (Al-Anbiya, 21:83). And In Surat Saad, Allah responds to him by saying, "[So he was told], 'Strike [the ground] with your foot; this is a [spring for] a cool bath and drink.' And We granted him his family and a like [number] with them as mercy from Us and a reminder for those of understanding. [We said], 'And take in your hand a bunch [of grass] and strike with it and do not break your oath.' Indeed, We found him patient, an excellent servant. Indeed, he was one repeatedly turning back [to Allah]" (38:42-44). And with that, his affliction was alleviated, and Allah cured him of his maladies, He restored his health and his wealth. And so we remember Ayyub (PBUH) whenever we feel like our pateince is wearing out, that Allah never ever ever fails or disappoints. Sometimes he delays his response. But, subhan Allah, there's always wisdom in everything that Allah does. And I've experienced that in my life, there's been times when I've asked for things of Allah that were not the best for me in that moment, and I didn't know that obviously, again, going back to that we don't know the totality of all things. But when they were eventually, you know, given to me, there was that appreciation of "Oh, if I had had that thing back then, it wouldn't have been a good thing", and when I've received that thing, it just all makes perfect sense. That's all I can say. It just makes sense. Soothes the soul. It's like Allah just pampers any stress, worry, pain, anxiety, whatever feeling of, you know, negativity or loss or longing. Allah just completely diminishes it. Alhamdulillah.

Waheed  1:05:33  
So, everything in this life is a test, right? So we hear this very often, and this truth is one of the most repeated lessons in the Qur'an and the prophetic teachings. Everything in life is a test. Allah says in the Qur'an in Surat Al-Mulk, “[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving -” (67:2). So, we are told that the very purpose for which life and death were created is what? To test us, right? This is all part of a test. So, in Yasmin Mogahed's book, she gives a beautiful example. She says: think for a moment about an emergency siren. What is the purpose of this siren? The siren is an indication and a warning that something harmful is coming. So when we hear it, we know that there's something happening. If we hear it, we naturally panic. But what happens when they need to test the siren? What happens when it's just a drill and we know that it is being tested, it's just a drill to see how we how we will react. The test siren sounds exactly the same. But in this case, it's only a "test". So although it looks and sounds and feels real, it is not, because we know it is a test. And we're reminded of that again and again throughout the test. This is exactly what Allah tells us about this life, it is going to look and sound and feel very, very real. At times, it's going to scare us. At times, it's going to make us cry. It's going to make us flee instead of standing firm, even more firm in our places. But this life and everything in it is only a test. It is not actually real. And like that test of the emergency broadcast system or that siren, it is training us for what is real, it is training us for the reality beyond the test siren. Now, what would happen if the coming of that test siren were not even a surprise to us? What if each and every household were given a notification that the test was coming. There's a drill happening, you're given a notification. So consider this the notification Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us. He says in Surat 'Aal-Imran, “And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. You will surely be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allah - indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of determination” (3:185-186). Now imagine, in addition to all of these notifications, what are we given as well? We are given the knowledge of countless other communities who were similarly tested. Allah says in Surat Al-Baqarah, for example, “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near” (2:214). So yes, the tribulations and hardships in life shake us to our core. And we start asking, "Where is Allah? When is His help coming?" In this case, not only was the siren predicted, it was not new, because we know of stories of other people before us who were also tried and who were given those notifications before, right? So it's as if our community, we are told that we are not unique. And after all of that, you know, we are just like the other communities, we will go through trials. How would we react if we know all of this, once this test siren comes to us? If it's a drill, there's no shock or disbelief, we don't panic, and we don't even become distressed, right? Makes sense in this case, because we know, Allah has given us the notification. "Okay, this is a test. Why should I panic?" But we do act. We act for one judge and one judge alone: we act for the Only True Reality. Al-Haqq, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Because we know that He is watching, and He is the only One who will judge this particular test, right?

Aadam  1:10:24  
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that, once we realize this fundamental truth, something quite dramatic and drastic happens. When we internalize that this is only a test, the types of questions we ask start to change. So instead of asking things like, "How could this be happening? Why is it so unfair?" We instead start to ask questions like, "How should I react? How can I pass the test? What should I learn from this experience? How can I become a better person through this? What is Allah trying to teach me? How can I see through the illusion of this and beyond the test? How can I develop my relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and ultimately seek His pleasure through that experience?" And those are really powerful questions, and that's quite a significant shift. And you know, like, these are obviously questions that we ask. And normally, during a test, you can't really ask the examiner questions. You're at school or university, you don't get to ask the examiner to help you with the test. However, Allah has made an exception. In fact, that's not an exception, it's the rule! You're supposed to ask questions! You're made to ask Him. You're supposed to reach out. So see these questions that we've just posed, "How should I react, how can I pass? What can I learn?" We sometimes don't have the answers. I have absolutely certainly not had the answers. And I'm sure it's the same for you, Waheed, you haven't had the answers all the time. 

Waheed  1:12:13  
And all of us. Yeah, exactly. 

Aadam  1:12:15  
Right. We don't and we feel that, and that's part of what causes so much of the worrying and the pain. Let's ask, simply we could just ask. And the beauty of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and the blessing inside the tests that He gives us, even after we know they're coming, is that He tells us how to succeed. He tells us how we can pass the test. And that's namely with sabr and taqwa, so that's patience and God-consciousness. Allah says in Surat 'Aal-Imran, “If you are steadfast (have sabr) and mindful of God (have taqwa), that is the best course” (3:186). In another verse, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala emphasizes these same two necessary components for averting any harm as a result of the schemes against us. And He says in Surat 'Aal-Imran, again, “They grieve at any good that befalls you [believers] and rejoice at your misfortunes. But if you are steadfast and conscious of God, their scheming will not harm you in the least: God encircles everything they do” (3:120). And this is in the context of people who might not want the best for you. And as part of our manual for success in these trials, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us how the people before us reacted when they were tested. And again, Allah says in Surat 'Aal-Imran, “Men said to them: ‘A great army is gathering against you, so fear them: But it (only) increased them in Faith and they said: ‘God is enough for us, and He is the best protector.’ And they returned with Grace and bounty from Allah. No harm ever touched them: For they followed the good pleasure of God. And God’s favor is great indeed. It is only the Evil one who urges you to fear his followers; do not fear them, but fear Me, if you are true believers” (3:173-175). And in another passage, again, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us in Surat 'Aal-Imran, “Many prophets have fought, with large bands of godly men alongside them who, in the face of their sufferings for God’s cause, did not lose heart or weaken or surrender: God loves those who are steadfast (have sabr). All they said was, ‘Our Lord, forgive us our sins and our excesses. Make our feet firm, and give us help against the disbelievers,’ and so God gave them both the rewards of this world and the excellent rewards of the Hereafter: God loves those who do good. You who believe, if you obey the disbelievers, they will make you revert to your old ways and you will turn into losers. No indeed! It is God who is your protector: He is the best of helpers” (3:146-150). And, subhan Allah, verses like these, there's so many of them that they're constantly reminding us of this reality and Allah is conveying these stories to us, so that we can learn from the response of those who came before us. And their response was this: “God is enough for us, and He is the best of protectors.’ Their response was: ‘Our Lord, forgive us our sins and our excesses. Make our feet firm, and give us help against the disbelievers.” Their response was not to look at the test and focus on it. Their response was to look through it and to ask for the things that they knew would ultimately benefit them. And they looked through and past the illusion and focused on the One behind it: Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. They realized that, not only was Allah the giver of the test, but He was the only one who could save them from it. And so they besought Him for His help through repentance, pateince, and perfecting themselves and their moral character (taqwa). And, you know, I can almost hear some people's thoughts, that, you know, "This is like perfection, and how do we embody this? Like this seems so far from our reality." I don't know where people are, and we're all on different planes and stations and stages of life. This type of approach is only possible once you understand and know who Allah is and what expectations He really truly has of us. And I feel like our community has sometimes not done the best job in teaching us what those expectations are, and in fact, they set unrealistic expectations for so many of us. And your relationship with Allah will always evolve, and mine has evolved over the years. I hope and pray that other people feel like this, and farther and beyond this, that they feel settled in knowing Him through His love and His mercy and His compassion and all the things that are inviting and comforting and loving about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That's how I focus on Him and how I try and approach Him and try to engage with Him. It's through those Attributes of His.

Waheed  1:17:38  
Beautiful, mashaAllah. Yeah, that's amazing. And this is definitely necessary. Absolutely. As you said. There is a beautiful verse in Surat 'Aal-Imran, as you were reading, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Himself, He comforts the believers and promises them success, and He says, “So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers. If a wound should touch you - there has already touched the [opposing] people a wound similar to it. And these days [of varying conditions] We alternate among the people so that Allah may make evident those who believe and [may] take to Himself from among you martyrs - and Allah does not like the wrongdoers - And that Allah may purify the believers [through trials] and destroy the disbelievers. Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while Allah has not yet made evident those of you who fight in His cause and made evident those who are steadfast?" (3:139-142).

Aadam  1:18:41  
Subhan Allah.

Waheed  1:18:42  
Indeed. So again, going back to our lens, once we change the lens with which we see our lives, what happens is that our internal and external response drastically change. When the righteous people who came before us were tested, it only increased them in faith and obedience. And again, Allah says in Surat Al-Ahzab, “When the Believers saw the Confederate forces, they said: “This is what Allah and his Messenger had promised us, and Allah and His Messenger told us what was true.” And it only added to their faith and their zeal in obedience” (33:22). But until we change that lens, we will never move beyond the question of, "How could this happen to us?" to realize the true purpose of the test itself, which is a tool that is created to purify and to strengthen and to bring us closer to our Creator.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Aadam, thank you so much for joining me. We will continue, inshaAllah, our discussion on hardships and trials and tribulations next week. As always, you can listen to us on our website awaybeyondtherainbow.buzzsprout.com, and you can tune in on your favorite podcast apps. We look forward to talking to you next Friday, inshaAllah, stay safe and healthy. This has been Waheed Jensen and Aadam Ali in "A Way Beyond the Rainbow". Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullahi ta'ala wa barakatuh.