Cindy Thompson - A Resilience Project Podcast
EP82: Corliss Rassyle - One Decision Can Change Your Life
Cindy Thompson: Hello, friends. I am Cindy Thompson, and this is ‘A Resilience Project.’ This is a space where stories are shared and possibilities are discovered. I invite you to partner with me in cultivating resilience among humans, one conversation at a time.
Cindy Thompson: Are you currently in the middle of a major life transition, whether it is by design or an event that has led to a new beginning, are you wrestling with the unknowns and wishing you could see into the future? When we are in the mud and everything seems discouraging, it is hard to imagine these circumstances will not last forever. As we dive into a new year, I've been reflecting a lot about change. There are so many posts on Instagram and social media and inspirational quotes that suggest that we should just honor who we are while others suggest we need to keep growing and embrace goals for self-improvement.
Cindy Thompson: What I know for sure is that life naturally leads us on a journey toward change. It is inevitable, just like adversity. Some of you might be going through a radical life adjustment like divorce, or perhaps you are forced to make a major career change. There is no manual on how you should handle these circumstances when they show up and shake that very foundation of what is familiar.
Cindy Thompson: In this episode, we are identifying the importance of just taking the next step, the value of dreaming big, and recognizing how one decision can change your circumstances for good. You are going to hear from Corliss Rassyle who understands what it is like to have the rug pulled out from under you.
Cindy Thompson: Because stories can have a powerful impact, I wanted you to hear what she has come through and the remarkable transformation that has occurred because she made one decision. Corliss is sharing her inspiring story of circumnavigating divorce, loss of a prestigious title, and what it took to pull herself out of a very discouraging season in her life. Corliss is a Canadian inspirational speaker, a certified success principals coach, Dare to Lead trainer, and the founder and CEO of Corliss Consulting. She is the bestselling author of the book ‘Lead Your Life, How to Live with Purpose, Passion, and Confidence,’ and the host of one of Canada's most popular self-improvement podcasts, ‘Conversations with Corliss.’ Here is my conversation with Corliss.
Cindy Thompson: Corliss, thank you so much for being here on a Friday, sharing a bit of your time with us to be on ‘A Resilience Project.’
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, thank you very much for having me. I'm really quite honored that you've invited me and that I get to be here to share today. Thanks.
Cindy Thompson: I think you've got a lot to offer our listeners, Corliss. I can see some of the beautiful work that you're doing out there, and I'm very aware that people sometimes might look at where you are today, where you have arrived in your career and your presence, your involvement in leadership and in growth of others and they might think you don't get it. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know how to navigate hard times. Your life is all together. And yet I think it's important for people to hear the backstory, to understand what got you there, because sometimes our greatest challenges create the greatest growth.
Corliss Rassyle: I would agree completely, and I just want to clarify something. I agree completely that stories are so powerful. As a matter of fact, the stories of resilience are the ones that always inspire me when I'm in the thick of it myself. But I do need to just say that it's not just the backstory. I still have bad days and I tell my clients that a lot.
Corliss Rassyle: We all are going to experience highs and lows in life. Some good days and bad days, and what I've learned is that we all have them. It's just you simply learn to bounce back just a little bit faster. That's certainly where I'm at today. I would say yesterday wasn't a great day, but today is, so that's okay. I embrace that.
Cindy Thompson: Yes. That the hard times don't last forever. Those bad days might just be a bad day or a couple of hours, but it's not forever. So thanks for drawing that out. I think that's awesome. Where would you like to start with some of the pivotal moments that you have experienced in your life that have been game changers for you, that changed the course of your life and led you in a new direction?
Corliss Rassyle: I'm a real believer that one decision can completely change your life, and I know that because I made a decision when I was around 23 years old to join a direct sales company in network marketing on a whim, and it was 100% on a whim. I had joined thinking that I would just start for myself to get a little bit of extra side cash.
Corliss Rassyle: It ended up becoming a several decade career. That one descision shaped me into who I was. I was born and raised on the farm and I have lots of really strong values that were taught to me and watching my parents be entrepreneurs and the value system of family matters and having faith and working hard, those still guide me today.
Corliss Rassyle: When I was in my early twenties when I joined that company, one of the things that I realized was that I was never exposed to dreaming big. I was never exposed to that I have some big purpose in my life. I was always just thinking that whatever happened in my life was gonna happen, and hopefully it was good and that I had no power to cause and create my own outcome in any way.
Corliss Rassyle: So, when I joined this direct sales company on a whim, it exposed me to something that I'd never seen before. It exposed me to a bigger picture of life. It exposed me to a vehicle that I could help people, and I started for myself. Lighting my life and it turned into lighting homes and then lighting lives because I started sharing the business with other people and coaching and mentoring these women and seeing significant changes in their life.
Corliss Rassyle: And that's when purpose was discovered and born for me. So that decision really shaped me and helped me grow from being not confident to becoming quite confident in my abilities to cause and create anything I wanted to in my life one small goal at a time. As I grew my company and I grew my organization, I was leading and supporting thousands of entrepreneurs and achieved this title. The title was Senior Regional Vice President, and this was a prestigious position in our company. There was only, at that time, there was 11 in all of Canada. It was quite a significant accomplishment and I needed that title. At that time and where I was at my life I needed that title to feel like I was important.
Corliss Rassyle: I was really working on who I was and self-esteem and confidence, but then because my heart wasn't really in the right place, I was doing it for the wrong reasons. What happened was I achieved the position and only six months later I lost it. And it was quite a humiliating experience, very humbling because it was quite public, like everyone knew I achieved it and then knew I didn't have it any longer.
Corliss Rassyle: It had me questioning everything about myself and my life at that point, because if I'm not this then I'm nothing. It was humbling. I wouldn't wanna go through it again, but it was at that time that I received truly a gift. Robin Sharma says it best in his book that's titled ‘You Don't Need a Title to Lead.’
Corliss Rassyle: It wasn't really in achieving that position. It inspired people, but it was actually from falling out of that position and then rising up that I found I inspired the most people. It was when I learned the most about myself. It was when I was able to get to the heart of who I really wanted to be for people. And that's when I stepped into it and that's when I realized that leadership is much more than a title or role or the terms that define us in society. It's who we really want to be for ourselves and for others.
Cindy Thompson: It sounds like there might have been even a shift in values, what became most important to you, which sounds maybe a bit more people directed. Not so much around what you had achieved personally, but how you can impact others and have an influence.
Corliss Rassyle: Really truly. It's who I was at that time. I had to learn, and as I look back on my own story, really, I had to practice some self-forgiveness and not resent myself for the fact that I was almost shallow. I was shallow, but it was where I was at in my life and in my own personal growth and development.
Corliss Rassyle: Dr. Wayne Dyer said, ‘You can't give what you don't have.’ I couldn't have given anything more because I just didn't have it. I had to grow and understanding myself and learn to love myself and to start to value myself. It was really a humbling experience that brought me back to the heart of looking at what parts of me needed to be healed, that I would have more to give to other people. And in doing that, of course, I was able to give it because I found it within myself.
Cindy Thompson: I love that because often people have said they might have lost their jobs. They were let go, and yet later on they'll say it's the best thing that ever happened to them. In the moment, it's crushing. It's hard on the ego, but the growth then can begin if we let it.
Corliss Rassyle: That's so true. That's such a great point. And I agree completely. When we're in it, we don't really wanna experience that, and sometimes we can't even see our way through. We think, ‘Why is this happening?’ I know when it was happening to me, a lot of the things that were going through my mind were, ‘Do I deserve this? Maybe I'm not a good person. Why is this happening to me? If good things happen to good people, I mustn't be very good.’ That's a core story for me. And it would be a default, but I have learned that's actually not the truth, that now it's happening for me, not to me, and I embrace it versus challenge it or question myself throughout the process of understanding or going through it.
Cindy Thompson: You've raised a good point because it's often later, after we've gone through that adversity, that we realize our strengths and realize what we're capable of. In that moment it is very difficult to really see that with clarity because you're just surviving it and assessing what you're gonna need to get through it.
Corliss Rassyle: I'm glad that you use that word surviving because I think that's a lot of what people do. Even throughout the last few years, we've had to survive a lot of things. We go into crisis and we have to react and we have to get through it so we put our heads down, we push through, we keep going, we keep going, and that's amazing. That's resilience in human beings. Wow. So amazing what we can do. However, then it can become a habit. Even after the crisis or the trauma, or whatever has passed, we're still in that mold because now it's become a habit of just pushing through.
Corliss Rassyle: And a lot of the people that I work with, they come to me because they're like, ‘Something's missing. Something feels dead inside. I don't even know who I am.’ Those are the questions that they're asking themselves, and it's because they've been surviving for so long that they've just been ignoring what's happening around them or what they're actually doing, and then all of a sudden something happens that wakes them up again to go, ‘Wait, wait, this is not my life. This is not how I want this to go.’
Cindy Thompson: Yes. We don't wanna be white knuckling it through. We want to be able to build these resilience practices so that we have that toolkit within us. You're right, we're all resilient already, and we have been navigating it, but we could be doing it more effectively to be able to bounce back quicker.
Cindy Thompson: Not have a completely bad day, but have maybe a few minutes and then be able to bounce back. While you were going through that professionally, I get the sense from your story that you also were going through a major transition on a personal level in your life.
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, it was. It was so difficult. It was so difficult. I was seeking success and keeping it all together and chasing what I thought was gonna make me happy, and my work was fulfilling. I had been married for 20 years, and the marriage was always a struggle. It was a difficult one, but I made the commitment. I was sticking with it. I was trying to keep my family together. I was working hard. We were doing everything on the outside, trying to make it work, building the dream home, building the careers, trying to raise great kids, give them private schooling, all those good things.
Corliss Rassyle: And then one day it all fell apart in a very tragic and very sudden and abrupt way. One night I find myself on the road to my parents with my kids. Everything has just ended in my marriage and it is time to restart. Only a few weeks later, I found myself in a two bedroom apartment with three kids. Clearly, we all didn't have our own space to sleep even. And we went from this big, beautiful dream home, seven bedrooms and five car garage and all that stuff, and the end of hopes and dreams.
Corliss Rassyle: And I find myself living in this little tiny apartment with borrowed furniture with my three kids. And it was like, ‘How did this even happen? How did I end up here?’ And when you're struggling like that, it's hard for it not to affect other aspects of your life. So it was impacting my business and my income and just everything it was.
Corliss Rassyle: During that time I played the victim for a while. I think it's okay to give myself grace that I did play a victim there because even though the marriage was a difficult one, as many are, mine was toxic and dysfunctional, and it was so confusing in trying to let that go and understand that this was happening for me was hard.
Corliss Rassyle: So I fell into a space of, ‘Oh woe, is me,’ for a little while. And then there was this one night that I was sitting in my closet office. Now I'm calling it a closet office because there was only two bedrooms. So I made a bunk bed in one room for my two kids. My younger ones. Then I had a teen daughter who I knew needed her own bedroom because she needed her own space so she had a bedroom.
Corliss Rassyle: And every night I would make a bed on the floor, just keep saying to myself like, ‘How did this happen? What am I gonna do now?’ And there was this one night I was sitting in the closet office, I put a desk in where the apartment deep freeze was supposed to be, like one of those little closet folding doors.
Corliss Rassyle: And I was listening to the song, it's called ‘The Fight Song.’ I'm trying to muster up the courage to make an explosion. As I was sitting there listening to this song, this motivational screensaver came across and the message said, ‘No one's coming to save you.’
Cindy Thompson: Oh wow.
Corliss Rassyle: And I took that as a message from somewhere, something, telling me that it was time that I took responsibility for where my life was at, and that I had my children and my whole life ahead of me, my kids looking to me, needing me to be strong and to find a way, and that I had to step into it.
Corliss Rassyle: And here's the thing about that. There was things that happened to me that were outta my control that were really unfair but if I played victim to it, I was giving away all my power to that situation. So what I realized at that point, and what really happened in that little closet office as I was drinking wine, listening to ‘The Fight Song,’ getting the message from wherever that came from, was really, I took responsibility for my life and where it was at. And by doing that, I stepped into my power again to cause and create something different in my life. That's where it began. So I'm truly grateful for that because all of it could set me on a path to be where I am today. I could have never, ever in a million years be where I am now if I had stayed in that relationship, if that hadn't completely fallen apart. So I'm so grateful to this day that it happened and that I've been able to find who I really am through that.
Cindy Thompson: I really appreciate your sharing that Corliss, and it's a reminder that we don't know what's yet to come. It can feel like this moment is going to be my story forever now, and there can be a lot of fear attached to that. I hear that you were maybe at the right time, the right place to actually hear that message and that it became an inspiration to take action and choose, make a choice in your life.
Corliss Rassyle: Mm-hmm.
Cindy Thompson: I hear that. I don't know if that resonates with you about, ‘Okay, I can accept that this is gonna be it, or what do I want it to look like?’
Corliss Rassyle: You said so many things there, so thank you for pulling so much out of my story there. You said a few key things that are standing out. The first one was, is that taking action and that, ‘What do I want this to look like?’ And I went back to the drawing board and actually that's what I suggest to every client that comes to me and they're like, ‘I don't know who I am. I don't know what direction I'm going.’ It's go back to the drawing board and creating a vision board was actually what did it for me.
Corliss Rassyle: I started saying to myself, ‘Okay, what do I want this to look like? I don't have a home anymore.’ So I put a picture of a home for me and my kids, and as a matter of fact, it's hanging on the office right here. I wish you could see it, but it has a picture of a kitchen with fingerprints all over it. And the reason I put that particular kitchen on there was because, in my marriage, I was always trying to have everything perfect, and it was still never enough. There was never peace. It was never happy. And when I put the picture of the kitchen, it's like I wanna have this home of my own. And it doesn't have to be perfect. It can even be dirty and messy, but we're happy.
Corliss Rassyle: So I went back to the drawing board literally and started envisioning it. And I talk about this in my book as well, that one of the things that happened for me is I was flipping through magazines and I realized I'm 40 years old and I don't even know what I like anymore.
Corliss Rassyle: I have lived almost my entire life to build my family and build my career. I've served so much for other people, I don't even know what I like anymore. So as I was flipping through the magazines, this little tiny ad. It was like a neon flashing sign to me, but it was a small little ad, and all it said was, ‘First after 40.’ And it's on my vision board. I literally looked at that and went, ‘Maybe this stage of life becomes about discovering myself for the first time. By trying things for the first time.’ I never gave myself a chance to even try things because I was looking after my family and I was building my career, and I was chasing success and trying to make my husband happy and keep it all together.
Corliss Rassyle: So I put things on there: learn Spanish, try piano, take some painting classes. I actually stepped into that vision because I tried a bunch of things. I found out a lot of things I don't enjoy, but I found some things that I do. That's where I started, just back to asking myself those hard questions. If I could do anything I wanted, now, what could it be? And that's what I gave myself permission to dream again.
Cindy Thompson: That's important, isn't it? Because it gives us hope and as we start to get dialed into what's important to us, what makes us tick, like you said, some things resonated, some didn't. It makes me think about the two aspects of resilience that I often refer to, which is some of those events, some of those adversities happen to us that we have no control over.
Cindy Thompson: The practices mean getting out of our comfort zone about trying new things, getting off the couch, getting out there and taking a risk, and it's going to get uncomfortable, but it's important in order for us to grow and figure out what's important to us. I love that you brought out that piece!
Corliss Rassyle: I'll tell you a story that's really gonna blow you and your listeners away. In 2017, I created a board, and on the center of it, I put the words ‘highly educated,’ and then I put the pictures of Jack Canfield (‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’s Success Principles’), Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins. Now you have to know when I put them on there, I honestly think that I just thought I'd read their books or follow them. I don't know.
Corliss Rassyle: In June of 2017, I was recording into my phone some ideas that I had from starting my company, and as I was recording, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, I'm gonna learn how to write a book. I'm gonna write a book.’ I was so inspired and I googled how to write a book. I'm not kidding. I literally had no idea how to do it.
Corliss Rassyle: And Jack Canfield's training came up through that program they got to know me and not even six months later, I was in Jack Canfield's home on his couch learning from him. This is how fast it can happen when you really step into it. I'm shaking in my boots. I can't believe I'm there. What is even happening? This is so incredible.
Corliss Rassyle: He sends me into his home and says find seat, I'll be in shortly. We'll get started. I go and I try to find the best seat in the house, because I wanted the best view. He comes in and he says, ‘Interesting you chose to sit there.’ And he said, ‘Oh yeah, but that's where Oprah sat two weeks ago when she was here.’
Cindy Thompson: Wow.
Corliss Rassyle: And I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, my bum is where Oprah's bum was. We are so gonna meet.’ I think this is a key part of my story, to not only inspire you to believe that anything is possible if you allow yourself to open up to the possibilities. It’s that when you make those decisions and you follow through. So it's one thing to put that there on your vision, but then you have to step into it with action.
Corliss Rassyle: I stepped into it with extreme action. When I realized that if I'm gonna create this vision and I want this to happen in my life, my ultimate life, I'm gonna need to make some changes. I need to figure out how I even ended up in a relationship like I did. Why I even lost my title in the first place. Who am I really?
Corliss Rassyle: So I had immersed myself into personal growth and development. I put myself in every situation that I could to learn and understand and peel back the layers of who I really was because I hadn't done it before. So it wasn't only just about being adventurous, it was about really learning and finding who I was as a human being so that when I discovered that, I could step into that and say, this is who else I want to become, and this is how I want to help other people and how I want to serve.
Corliss Rassyle: In less than two years, I traveled 38,000 miles to learn from the best in the world. I went to every personal growth and development seminar that I could find. I was completely immersed in not only learning about myself, but in learning the tools that I could help people have those transformations as well.
Cindy Thompson: Pivotal steps that you took to get to where you are today, and that helped you grow, and I can hear it was the accumulation of all those different trainings, learnings, getting out of your comfort zone, just saying yes to more things and diving deep into those opportunities.
Corliss Rassyle: As a single mother starting my life over, I did not have the money. I was like, where is this money gonna come from? And even if I did have the money, it was gonna go to my kids. Something in me said to do this different, you're gonna have to do this different, and you're gonna need to figure this out.
Corliss Rassyle: I made a decision that I wanted to go to Tony Robbins and I was following him, and it was an extreme expense for me because the US dollar, the way that it was to travel, the distance, to take time away from my kids, the cost of the ticket, hotels. And I ended up getting a two for one.
Corliss Rassyle: And here's how crazy this is. You'll know you're on the right path, at least this is what I believe, because things will start showing up for you that you would've never expected, that are saying this is what you're supposed to do. I found a two for one. I didn't know anybody who would want to go so posted it on Facebook. Not even kidding. And some woman from Ontario said, ‘I'd take the other ticket.’ And I said, ‘Great. Now we can both go for half price, because it was two for one.’ So I said to her, ‘You don't have to stay with me. It's okay. You don't have to stay with me.’ And she's like, ‘Could we? Because then we can both save some money on hotels.’
Corliss Rassyle: So I go with this almost complete stranger, and I'm suddenly in Florida on a two for one with this woman. But still even at 50% I can't believe I'm spending this amount of money. My grandma had died the December before. I am named after my grandma. My middle name is Helen. Helen means ‘bearer of light,’ just so you know. That day when I was contemplating this ticket, my mom called and said, ‘Grandma left some money and I've decided to give a part of the money that she left me.’ And can you believe it was the exact amount of money to cover the cost of my ticket?
Cindy Thompson: I love those kind of stories. That's so good. Something you said, Corliss, that I just wanted to draw out is you weren't spending money, you were investing money. So you are taking that and really investing it in you, and that way when we spend money, it's gone. When we invest our money, or our time, even then we get something in return.
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, I love that. Such a great point. Thank you for pulling that out. And I couldn't agree more. I am completely aligned with that. It was an investment in myself. 100%. And really even in my family and in my future and in my business, honestly.
Cindy Thompson: Yeah, and those are the pivotal points that we can't always appreciate in the moment of where they're going to take us, but they start to be building blocks. I am almost picturing as we're talking who you are now and what you've been learning. It's like you've built this house that has this amazing foundation that is made of good, solid products, whereas who Corliss was and you were young, what would that house have looked like and what was it bringing you there versus what you are today because of the work you've been doing?
Corliss Rassyle: Mm-hmm. I'm such a visual person, so thank you for that. I would say I've never thought of it that way, but I was saying that I was always trying to keep it together. It's like there was no foundation. I was putting in a brick and then it would crumble apart, and I was always feeling like I was putting the mortar in and trying to piece it back together.
Corliss Rassyle: And instead of going back and trying to piece this one thing at a time, how about if we figure out why it crumbled in the first place. That's where personal growth and development came for me, and I'm so glad I had the insight to realize that, but I think that's what we get through life experience. I just knew that I needed to figure out why I ended up there.
Corliss Rassyle: Who was at I the core of this? Why did I have these behaviors that I did? What were the patterns that were self-destructive? What were my default stories that I kept telling myself that kept pulling me back into the past? I had to figure those things out. The more got and the more I discovered, the more I wanted.
Corliss Rassyle: For me, personal growth and investing in myself, even now, no matter what, I do it every three months, I feel like there's always gonna be things to learn, grow, discover, evolve, and I want to evolve. I don't wanna become stagnant. I think it's Tony Robbins who says, ‘You're either growing or dying. It's one or the other.’ All living things are either growing or dying. I want to grow right until the end of my life to know that I've done everything that I could to live and lead the best life that I could.
Cindy Thompson: Mm-hmm. It's almost like you built this off ramp there at that point to a new direction. And I'm curious, what would you say to that Corliss at that stage where you're in the two bedroom apartment with your three kids and you've lost your vice president role?
Corliss Rassyle: ‘It's gonna be okay.’ That's what I would say to her. She didn't know that. It makes me emotional thinking about it. It is so true, like it's gonna be okay, and I didn't know that at the time.
Cindy Thompson: Hmm. Yeah. We can't, right, in those moments, and yet I'm gonna say, to your credit, you are someone who thrives. You take a situation and you make it even better. You might land there, you might need to have a pity party for a little while because those are big blows that you were going through for that season in your life. But I can hear that you are someone who doesn't stand still for long. You are someone who always keeps going and thrives.
Corliss Rassyle: Thank you.
Cindy Thompson: That's what I hear.
Corliss Rassyle: Thank you for that. There was just so many gifts through that whole process. One of the things I wanna share that I think would be helpful to your listeners is this: It was a very messy divorce and a toxic, dysfunctional relationship. It was only expected divorce would be the same, really. And I knew that, but I wanted to do it differently.
Corliss Rassyle: I do not make decisions from a reaction any longer. I only make decisions when I'm grounded and in a place of power. If I'm upset, frustrated, angry, hurt, whatever those feelings are that I'm going through, now, what I say to myself is just, ‘Wait. Just take a breath. Give yourself the time that you need to. Don't respond until you're ready,’ because then I always come from a place of power within me and I'm not gonna regret what I did.
Corliss Rassyle: Because what I found throughout my life is when I was reacting, I was all emotional and so upset, I ended up harming relationships, which would cause me to feel worse about myself. So I just learned throughout that whole process that I'm not gonna make a decision until I feel good about the decision that I'm making. I kept saying to myself over and over again, ‘What's the high road here for me?’ If I know that I made it from a place within me that was solid and grounded, and that I knew it was the right thing to do for me. I would know. It didn't matter what judgment or opinions of other people. I now apply that.
Corliss Rassyle: Whenever my life gets difficult and I feel upset, I'm just like, ‘Hey, wait, just stop for a minute. Give yourself the time that you need to work through this so that you can look at this from a bird's eye view and be like, okay, what's the best thing to do here? What is of the highest good for me right here, right now? And for everybody involved.’
Cindy Thompson: Just taking that time to get out of that sort of fight or flight mode and be able to get back into your prefrontal cortex, that wise woman that can just process it more accurately and talk yourself through it. I love that insight. That's some wisdom that I hear you've gained. Corliss, what other resilience practices have you come to rely on that you have found served you well over the years and since some of those challenges?
Corliss Rassyle: I learned something recently actually that has elevated something that I've learned. A lot of my life I didn't feel like I belonged, had very little self-esteem. I was from a large family who were always fighting for attention. My parents are amazing people. I have worked on that core story for a long time and really tried to find my place in the world and amongst people that would really love and honor and that I really truly belong to.
Corliss Rassyle: One of the things that I found is that I was seeking it all the time from other people. So then I would be looking for validation and recognition and something from other people to feel worthy. One of the things that happened over and over again, I would be disappointed by people. I would put up walls and barriers cause I couldn't really trust.
Corliss Rassyle: With my resilience now what I've recognized and what I've learned, it actually came from TD Jakes and he talks about the three different types of relationships and he talks about comrades, constituents, and confidants. And I was treating people who were actually constituents, which are people who are just coming in for a time. They're there for a purpose. They're there for a season. They're not really there for you. I was treating them like they were there for me. I got myself into a place of empowerment of recognizing that in order to be resilient, I need to surround myself with a very small group of people who really see me, honor me, love me, are there for me, even when I don't see it in myself. To keep that circle really small because not everybody is intended to be in that circle. For me, the resilience is actually leaning on those key people that I can really trust, that I know are really truly there for me and to help me be my best.
Corliss Rassyle: Brene Brown talks about the ‘candle blower outers.’ That you wanna be around people who don't blow your candle out, the people who are actually there that wanna see you shine, and they're the first people to stand up. Those are the kind of people that I'm talking about. So for me, resilience has come down to really finding those very specific group of people that are around me.
Corliss Rassyle: The second part is resilience practices for me are about always constantly evolving and growing and understanding myself and working through my feelings. So I have practices like personal growth and development every few months. Practices that I have in my life every morning include quiet time for myself. I read something from a book every single day that inspires my heart and my soul. I listen to all kinds of motivation and inspiration like your podcast, and of course, I journal a lot because when I take it out of my head, onto paper, it comes out of my heart and helps me stay grounded and centered and work through issues or problems that are challenges that I might be going through.
Cindy Thompson: Yeah, what amazing practices you have in place. And I can hear it's like they're practices that you've come to rely on and trust and that they're like those ingredients that you keep in, that help you trust that whatever happens in your day, you've taken care of that foundation again.
Corliss Rassyle: Mm-hmm. Really truly. I'm a do-er. I'm a go get things done. I think a lot of women are. I think we just are like, ‘Hey, we got 20 things going on at the same time,’ and we're like ambitious and we're like getting stuff done. And every once in a while I have to catch myself pretty close to burnout. And then it's, ‘Oh, you're doing it again. Wait, stop.’ And then I literally will clear my schedule and be like, ‘Nope, nothing but feeding your brain and having fun and relaxing.’
Corliss Rassyle: I can end up not having any fun because I just am working on myself and growing other people and building a business. And I get so immersed that I forget to have some fun and then I get tired and I burn out. So I've learned to interrupt that pattern or catch it just before it happens. So that it's, ‘Nope, not doing that. Two days off now. You have to have two days just to have fun now.’ I interrupt it before I burn completely out. So I've worked on that a lot too.
Cindy Thompson: So do I hear having fun as part of your resilience practice?
Corliss Rassyle: Oh gosh, yeah, you gotta have fun. What is the point if we're not having fun? I wanna grow and I wanna evolve, and I wanna live my best life and I wanna help other people do the same. Right now is what we've got, so you gotta have some fun. I have even started TikTok. Can you believe that TikTok now and making reels on Instagram?
Corliss Rassyle: I find such joy in that. Incredible. I absolutely love it. It makes me so happy because it's music, it's inspiration. I'm being silly. The way people respond to them. Usually the stuff I teach is pretty heavy and can be hard. They love seeing that side of me and honestly? I like seeing that side of me. That's something I've discovered recently that I actually love and enjoy.
Cindy Thompson: Hmm. What a nice surprise that's been then. Yeah. So good.
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, the first one that I did, I was like, ‘You are so silly. You have no rhythm, and you're like dancing, what are you doing?’ it turned out to be so silly and so fun that I'm like, ‘I don't even care.’ Just peel it all back and just be like, who cares? Just have some fun. You have to have fun because otherwise, what's the point? Life is supposed to be enjoyable as well.
Cindy Thompson: Mm-hmm. I love that. That's a beautiful message. Corliss, if you were to think of those people that are in a similar place to where you were, at the time of your separation, they're living in fear right now. They don't know what's in front of them. They don't know what's yet to come. What would you wanna say to them?
Corliss Rassyle: The same thing I would've said to myself: it's gonna be okay. Reassure yourself it's gonna be okay. Then start taking the steps. Just take the steps forward. You don't have to see the whole staircase. I often talk about that. Just take the first step and then take the next one and the next one.
Corliss Rassyle: And in the steps in the process, it might be just asking yourself the questions of: What are the opportunities here? What do I really want this to look like? What do I want this to look like on the other side? Who do I want to be when I come out of this? What's most important to me? Go back to the drawing board and ask yourself those questions and just start giving yourself permission to like really see something different is possible for you. Because once you connect that it's possible for you, it becomes possible for you.
Corliss Rassyle: Napoleon Hill said, ‘That whatever the mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve.’ And it's true. So when I suggest that you reassure yourself that it's gonna be okay, and you ask yourself those questions to connect to possibility and to start to envision something different, you are literally planting it into your mind that this is now possible for me. Don't lose hope. Have it bigger than ever that it's possible because it's happened for me. It's happened for thousands of people that I've seen and studied and worked with. It's possible. Allow yourself to go there, to have the hope and to believe it's possible for you.
Cindy Thompson: Hmm. That is rich. And a beautiful message because we all deserve that. To dream, to imagine a future of who we wanna be, where we wanna be, and what are the important pieces that we wanna include in that, so that we're building that house that feels solid, that feels like it's got all those key pieces that are important to us. They're not material things. It's about who we're becoming. I love that message. I know your program is gonna be announced in March. Do you want speak to that?
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, sure. I am stepping into supporting and leveling up and helping people truly lead their lives. I had the vision of Lead Conference Canada. I knew that so many people would not spend the money, take the time to immerse themselves in personal development like I did. And at one conference in particular, in Minneapolis, I said the words out loud, and I wish more women could experience this.
Corliss Rassyle: And now here we are. We are creating it. So in 2023, Lead Conference Canada have designed an incredible agenda for two days of personal empowerment, and that is happening in November 3rd and 4th, 2023. Can join the wait list at corliss.ca/lead2023. You'll hear all about the speakers, all about the event, and you'll be the first ones to get the best price when the tickets launch on March 1st.
Cindy Thompson: How inspiring. When we have been having this conversation, Corliss, and hearing how far you've come and you're just stepping into that on a regular basis to say what's next? I do hope that people will check it out and for those that have heard this conversation and are inspired to learn more, I think you and I both are on the same page and wanting people to find their best selves and feel their best selves. I really appreciate that you're offering that up.
Corliss Rassyle: Oh, thank you for that. And I can honestly tell you that I have known right from the very first moment that this is so much bigger than me.
Cindy Thompson: I thank you for being here, Corliss and partnering with me in growing resilience among our listeners and to be able to, I feel, be in partnership of creating a setting where people can continue to explore possibilities and to be able to bounce back, to handle whatever comes along, knowing that they already are enough and are very capable. Thank you for being here in this conversation.
Corliss Rassyle: Aw. Thank you so much. Honestly, Cindy, you're an incredible host. You have pulled out so many great nuggets of wisdom, and it's been my true pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.
Cindy Thompson: Well, it's my pleasure as well.
Cindy Thompson: I really genuinely appreciate the transparent reminder that Corilss just like any of us, still experiences really hard days. We all will continue to experience adversity in difficult days, and yet we can recover from these experiences if we have the resilient skillset.
Cindy Thompson: As Corliss mentioned, you are working towards bouncing back faster and more effectively so that a hard day does not turn into two hard days or a week. In fact, pity parties are allowed, but only for a short time, and don't stop and unpack there. Losing a job or title is tough. Any one of us would be vulnerable to that ego hit, particularly if you hang your hat on the idea that your career defines you or plays a big role in your identity. Recognizing that it was in falling out of her position and rising up that actually inspired more people than when she was in her previous role. It is also where we learn the most about ourselves, isn't it? It is helpful to know we are not the only one and to remind ourselves it is possible to pick yourself up and move forward.
Cindy Thompson: I'm not gonna lie, this can be really hard. It is about failing forward, trying things, figuring out what you need to figure out and grow from there. In this process, you are going to discover your strengths. As Corliss suggested, you are either growing or you are dying. I feel like there is a sweet spot there that allows us to grow in seasons and not wait until we are burning out to realize we need to pull back and rest.
Cindy Thompson: Corliss has learned to set big audacious goals and this has resulted in great rewards both personally and professionally for her. It is from this place that she has so much to give others. There are some juicy insights and takeaways from this episode.
Cindy Thompson: When going through a difficult season of your life, you may need to go back to the drawing board and ask yourself who do you want to be? For example, do you want to see yourself as someone who is resilient? What values are important to you that might serve as a compass in your decisions? Embrace the idea that anything is possible if you are open to the possibilities.
Cindy Thompson: Corliss also emphasize the additional benefits that come with a community that supports you. These are the people you can lean on. Who do you have in your circle?
Cindy Thompson: As you become more self-aware, the additional benefits will come your way. And don't forget to build in time for fun. And finally, just take that first step. You don't have to see the whole staircase. I love that.
Cindy Thompson: I want to thank Corliss for her vulnerability and honor that one's journey continues every day as we grow our resilience practice.
Cindy Thompson: I would like to leave you with two questions and a quote. If you are in a season of feeling like a victim to your circumstances, how long is long enough before you are willing to take charge of your life and happiness? Question number two: Are you chasing what you think will make you happy or are you pursuing more of what brings you fulfillment?
Cindy Thompson: Finally, a quote from Richard Guam's book ‘Embers,’ “Nothing in the universe ever grew from the outside in.” And of course, remember friends, adversity is inevitable while resilience is a practice.
Thank you for listening to this episode of ‘A Resilience Project.’ We would not be doing this podcast without you. If you or someone you know has an inspirational story or is helping to build resilience in their community, please e-mail me at cindy@aresilienceproject.com. In fact, e-mail me either way. I would love to hear from you. My hope is to feature an episode periodically on your letters of resilience. I'm very interested in hearing your story of how you have tackled hard things and what worked for you. With your permission, I hope to share some of these stories along the way with our listeners. Also, check out my website, aresilienceproject.com to learn more about our amazing guests.
Your presence here is important because together we are cultivating a village of resilient individuals. You are creating a space for their stories to be shared and a sacred space for learning to occur. I also have a favor - I would love for you to go to your preferred podcast platform, rate and review the podcast so that we will know how we're doing. I also would like to express my gratitude to the amazing team of volunteers that have jumped on board to support this project. You will find each of those beautiful people on my website on the team page.
As you go about this week, I invite you to think about one way that you can continue to grow your resilient muscle. What is one thing you can start with today? See you next week.
HELPFUL RESILIENCE INFORMATION
Definition of Resilience
Capacity to cope with and recover quickly from setbacks, difficulties, and toughness; to adapt well to change; and keep going in the face of adversity.
Types of Resilience - how the body deals with change and recovers from physical demands, illnesses, and injuries.
Physical Resilience how the body deals with change and recovers from physical demands, illnesses and injuries.
Mental Resilience ability to adapt to change and uncertainty.
Emotional Resilience ability to regulate emotions during times of stress.
Social Resilience community resilience – ability of groups to recover from difficult situations.
Areas of Life or Situations That Require A High Level of Resilience:
· Resilience in Adoption
· Resilience in Adults
· Resilience in Anxiety - Depression
· Resilience in Body Image – Eating Disorders
· Resilience in Change
· Resilience in Children
· Resilience in Chronic Illness
· Resilience in Death & Dying
· Resilience in Divorce
· Resilience in Immigration
· Resilience in Non-Profits
· Resilience in Marriage
· Resilience in Parenting
· Resilience in Post Secondary Education
· Resilience in Pregnancy
· Resilience in Racism
· Resilience in Relationships
· Resilience in Suicide
· Resilience in Teens
· Resilience in Trauma
· Resilience in War
· Resilience in the Workplace
Traits, Qualities and Characteristics That People with Resilience Possess:
· They are authentic
· They adapt to change and see it not as a challenge, but an opportunity
· They make commitments and keeps them
· They feel in control – strong internal locus of control
· They have close and secure attachment to others
· They set personal or collective goals
· They become stronger with the effect of stress
· They learn from past successes and mistakes
· They view themselves as survivors – Survivor mentality
· They have a good self-image
· They are confidence in ability to make good decisions
· They have a sense of humor
· They have an action-oriented approach to life
· They have patience around people
· They have optimism in face of uncertainty
· The have Faith or some belief in a higher power
Ways to build Resilience in People
· Create more purpose and meaning in all that you do
· Develop a good support system – supportive network circle that they can engage for help
· Maintaining positive relationships
· Work towards developing good communication skills.
· Develop the capacity to make realistic plans and to carry them out
· Maintain a well-balanced routine lifestyle of diet and exercise
· Practice emotional regulation to manage your feelings, impulses and emotions
· Practice good problem-solving skills to rationally develop solutions
· Find ways to help others
· Set time aside for journaling
· Develop new skills to respond differently to situations. ...
· Turn setbacks into opportunities for growth. ...
· Maintain a healthy perspective. ...
· Maintain Proper sleeping habits
· Practice meditation
Organizations that promote and support Resilience
Resilience Quotes
Resilience Books
Resilience Courses