Get Unstuck: How To Change Your Life When You Feel Lost | Mimi Ikonn | A Millennial Mind

If you feel like things are falling apart or you're no longer the person you used to be, this episode is for you. This is why people live the way they live. They stay in miserable jobs, miserable relationships, places they have outgrown, pretending to be something they're...

And I remember having these existential panic attacks thinking, what am I doing here? And it's not that the fear wasn't there, but I was no longer controlled by it. People who are watching and listening to this podcast would never assume that I'm someone like you. Never. Babe, most people are in relationships.

out of convenience. Most people are not in love. They're in attachment. Wow. I did not think you were going to say that. You choosing change, you choosing your own life transition is better than life doing it to you. Can you help a friend or a family member? who does not want to change. What if life falling apart

Isn't the worst thing that could happen to you, but actually the best. I think so many of us see transitions as endings. The end of a job, a relationship, a chapter of who we were. But what if it's not an ending at all? What if it's a return and a reminder to come home to yourself?

My guest today is my friend Mimi Icon, who has spent years navigating transitions from building multi-million dollar businesses to becoming a mother to completely redefining what success means. And she's written a brand new book about exactly that, how to move through life changes without losing yourself.

In this episode, Mimi's going to change your mind on what it really means when life shifts beneath you. She's going to show us that transitions aren't breakdowns and how they're actually breakthroughs. That uncertainty doesn't mean failure, it means alignment. So if you're in a season of change right now, and if you feel like things are falling apart or you're no longer the person you used to be, this episode is for you.

It's so transformative, inspiring, and so real and refreshing to hear Mimi be so raw. So if you'd like to hear more conversations like this, make sure you're pressing that subscribe button so you don't miss out. Let's get into this episode because it's going to change your mind. Mimi. Hi. Hi. Welcome back to Millennial Mind. The last time we sat across each other doing a podcast was actually when I was on your podcast, which I loved.

But the time before that was the start of our friendship. And I was just reflecting today, thinking I never knew that I would make such a good friend when I did that podcast with you. Because you are someone, well, you still are someone that I'm so in awe of, someone that inspires me, someone I learn so much from every single time. And the reason I wanted to bring you back on the podcast is because I think that...

even since i've met you so much has changed and every time i meet you you tell me a new learning a new growth lesson that you have and i think it will really help a lot of people at the moment who are struggling with a change in their life because you're here to change my mind on why if you choose to leave a situation, it is the best thing for you. And that could be any situation, right? It could be a relationship. It could be a job. It could be, you know, a friendship.

It could be anything. And I think that the way that you have gone through such a big shift in your life with so much grace and you're always smiling and you have such an amazing attitude, I think it's just... phenomenal and I and I really really admire it so for people who don't know who you are though in under a minute give us a summary first of all thank you for having me here on your podcast again what an honor and what a pleasure to now be your friend I'm so, so grateful to have this.

microphone and stage, you know, to be able to speak myself and tell my story. So I am Mimi Icahn. I am co-founder of Intelligent Change. We help people on their journey of self-actualization. I am someone who has been in self-development since I can remember myself. It's something that turns me on is learning how I can improve, grow, expand.

It literally what gives me life. So I love that now what I do in my career is so very much aligned with who I am as a person. I love that. And, you know, you've helped so many people with so many of your products. I mean, I have one right behind you.

I want to kind of start with why you think so many people fear life transitions. We all go through so much change in our lives. And yet, I think when we're going to the next chapter, I mean, I have something to tell you, by the way. I forgot to tell you that. I'm going through a new chapter next soon.

But when you're going through a new chapter, you're so fearful. You know, even though this next chapter of my life is something that I want to do, it's intentional. I still have this rush of fear that comes in sometimes that thinks, what if it doesn't work out? What if I'm not successful? What if then maybe people laugh at me? What if then I failed? But coming from, you know, your experience of talking to so many people, why do you think people fear that change so much?

First of all, I think it's important to acknowledge that fear, and fear of change specifically here, because we're going to say the word change a lot today, because this is what we're talking about, life transitions change. It's completely valid. Yes. Why is it valid? Because anytime you're going to change something, it is the unknown. You don't know what's on the other side of change. You could succeed. You could also fail.

And make an embarrassment of yourself, right? You genuinely don't know. And I think it requires a great sense of courage knowing that. Regardless of which way it's going to go, you're going to go in that direction. So why do people fear it is because genuinely it is scary to go on the other side of that door and not know what's there. But what is the alternative, right?

I think this is the most important part that people need to understand. They think if they stay in the comfort zone, it's safe and predictable. The truth is, it's not. Why? It is safe. No, not really.

Let's say if you stay in a job that you hate, there's no guarantee they're not going to sack you next month. Right? If you stay in a relationship where you're miserable, there's no guarantee that your partner is going to... cheat on you next year right or if you stay in a friendship there's no there's no guarantee that if you stay in a situation that is not serving you where you're not happy

then it's not going to turn out in a negative way anyways. But it is predictable, Mimi. If I'm stuck in a relationship, so for people who are listening at home and they're in a relationship with someone who...

they don't really have a lot of love or passion anymore. Or let's just say that their partner for the last 25 years has spoken to them rudely and they've tolerated it and they've taken it. And what they have said is, it doesn't really affect me. And you know what? I am somebody... who is not gonna allow other people to affect my mood. I've learned to just get on with it.

So why don't I just stay? Because I know how to handle this situation. What I don't know how to handle now is leaving and starting all over again and learning to figure out the other responsibilities that come with perhaps being alone.

Again, the truth is that partner, yeah, maybe you will stay in that miserable relationship for 20 years. Eventually something might happen where they, A, they could... physically die and leave you alone and that happens all the time at one point something will happen to one of the partners so eventually you will have to face your fear what is the underlying fear i think this is the most important thing to face whether it's you leaving your career you leaving your

of you leaving the country where maybe you were born and raised and you have your family and friends, but something in your soul is like pushing you towards this new chapter. And again, it doesn't mean that you need to go and stay there forever either, right? But you need to go through the growth of the move, whether you're moving for school or for a possibility of a new life career.

And then part of you saying to you, stay small, stay safe. Everything you know is here. So why would you shake things up? I know this fear because I've been in it multiple times. I've moved countries. I've changed relationships, right? It's very relevant to my life experience. And yet, again, if you connect to, you can call it your heart, your intuition, you know that either way, life is going to push you to grow.

Now, you can either choose the path of your growth consciously with awareness and intention. I guarantee you, if you stay in the comfort zone, life is going to do something that is still going to push you towards the growth. So true. I've seen it in my own life. Talk to me about that. So, for example, if I've stayed in a job a bit too long to the point where I was having like, and this was years ago when I worked in corporate.

I knew that I was not meant to be there. I got the job as an internship. And then because I love the people that I worked with, I ended up staying longer than I really should have been there. And I remember having these existential panic attacks in the bathroom, like looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, what am I doing here? I know my path is not to become the banker. There's something bigger, different.

Nothing wrong, by the way, with being a banker if that's something that resonates. Correct. Makes you happy, brings you joy, gives you energy. That wasn't the case for me. I literally was sitting in those meetings thinking, What the F is going on with my life? Like, I can't be here. Something is wrong. Like, everything feels off. Then I would go to the bathroom and freak out, looking at myself in the mirror, knowing that sooner or later, I need to leave the situation. So in the end, you know…

I didn't get fired. I still quit and I ended up moving back home for a short period of time, coming back, getting actually promoted. But in the end, I still left because I was in the same situation that even though I was promoted then at a bank. Getting paid more, having better responsibilities that I enjoyed more, still part of me was pulling me towards a different direction. Then I became an image consultant. I did that for a year and a half, two years.

And still I felt like there was something else, right? Like we need to understand the direction that we take is usually never the final destination, whether it's a new career or a city or a country or a relationship. Every experience is almost like a portal that is the path of our growth. As humans, we're here to go through a journey of evolution.

Our personal evolution. Some of us grow at this rate. Some of us grow at a very fast rate, right? And there's no right or wrong. Yes. And once I think you become intentional with it, it becomes almost like a play in a game. And I think that... That's why I get a kick out of it. I know this is life. Really, it's like a school, right? We come here to learn and grow. So I now genuinely put myself in situations where I am uncomfortable.

I call myself stoic. I don't know if you know this about Seneca, but I don't remember how often he used to do it, but I've read his book and I think, let's say once a month, he would go and purposely pretend to be homeless. Like he would stay the night. on the street in Rome to experience what it's like to have nothing. Yes. Why would he do that? Because he knew that if he puts himself in situations where he has to face adversity.

He will be resilient enough. When reality puts him in adversity, he will know how to go through it, right? He will have tougher skin. So what I am connecting all of these dots with is that you choosing... you choosing your own life transition is better than life doing it to you.

Because then you will feel more like a victim, like you have no choice. Don't push yourself to the point where you hate your job so much, you don't quit, but you underperform and then you get fired. Leave when you choose to leave on your own terms. But most people don't. I think most people live in fear, period. I think we saw this a lot during COVID. A bit of a controversial topic, but I always, for example, thought I'm scared of death.

until COVID happened. And then I looked at how everyone was scared to die. And I was just like, well, if it happens, it happens, you know, I can do the best I can do, but. There's a certain fate that happens. You cannot control everything in life. And then you relax and you just say, listen, I'm surrendering. But I saw how everybody was in so much panic and fear. And that was a big aha moment for me.

Then it made me realize this is why people live the way they live. They stay in miserable jobs, miserable relationships, places they have outgrown. pretending to be something they're not because simply they are afraid of the unknown. But the unknown is where the magic happens. So true. It's where you get to learn, explore, play, discover yourself, expand, become this new version of yourself you never knew even existed.

It makes me sad that some people never allow themselves to go there. Does that answer your question? Gosh, so much to unpack there, Mimi. It's so interesting to me when you're saying that. I mean, it's difficult for me to challenge you sometimes because I resonate with so much of what you say. And it kind of reminds me of this morning, you know, I...

I had like multiple things that happened to me this morning. I got locked out of my house and then I just went onto my stories and I was explaining it and I had zero makeup on. I hadn't even put moisturizer on my face. Like I just left the house at 6am, took Leo for a walk and I looked, I was wearing like Nichols old hat, Nichols massive jacket. And then when I did a story and I put it up, I invented another one and said, I can't believe.

that I've just put a story up with zero filter and I just don't care. Because for so many years, I used to think that I used to have a filter, like even the Paris filter or, you know, some kind of filter to make me look better without any makeup. And I felt so free. And I even said on my story, I was like, this is growth. But also what was growth is that I was locked out of my house. I had zero way of getting in.

And I didn't panic. And I had to be at a hair appointment in two hours. I still had toothpaste on my, like food on my jumper from yesterday. I had toothpaste on my lips. And I was like, if it, what is that? End thing that will happen here. What is the worst case scenario? I will have to call you and say, Mimi, bring me an extra jumper or I'll do a podcast with no makeup. So what? Like, who cares? We're not going to die. And I think, you know what you just said in the beginning bit?

around how you're not safer if you don't take the risk. I also think when you actually break down the worst case scenario and you realize you're just not going to die. and it's just something that you can laugh about, you're not fearful of it. So if you quit your job and you realize, okay, maybe I'm not going to die because I'm not going to have zero money because I'm going to de-risk this by doing X, Y, and Z.

you're more able to do it. But I do think a lot of people hold themselves back from making that change, like you said, because they might be listening to this conversation right now and say, okay, Mimi, I want to quit my job, right? And Shivani, I want to quit my job like you did, but I can't afford to because I am the sole income provider for my family. I'm the breadwinner.

and have two children. So it's not just, oh, live, laugh, love, let me go, you know, quit my job and do whatever I want. I have to think about I can't do this because I've got two girls and they're in school. Maybe they're in private school and maybe I'm using all the money I can and I hate my job so much, but my purpose is to send the girls to private school. What would we say to those people? Well, what would you say, sorry?

First of all, wow, you've had a crazy morning and I love how you've handled it. I feel free. It's liberating. You feel amazing, right? Because you just think like, oh, that was so fun. How silly was it? So I resonate with when you said you feel... Magical. So much growth. Now, going back to your question about someone who is perhaps doing a job they hate to spend the money on something they maybe believe in.

In this specific scenario where, let's say, you're putting kids through private education and it's not necessarily survival. I think survival is different than doing something. If I was in a situation where I had to pay for things... like private school of my children, but I'm doing something I hate, I don't think, I would question whether this is what I want to teach my kids. Right?

Oh, wow. Because I think what's better is to pull your kids out of private education, put them in a public school and tell them, you know, mommy has changed your mind. I don't want to be in this industry anymore. So I'm going to go re-educate myself. Maybe I now will become a... I'm just putting anything, right? Or, you know, maybe I want to start a health business, a wellness, like, who knows?

I've changed my mind and you're allowed to change your mind and your kids are going to look at you as an inspiration. Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant. What matters is what do we want to model to our children? Wow, I did not think you were going to say that. Yeah, but that's how I live my life, right? This is why, let's say, even I left my relationship, which on the outside looked perfect, but my child was on the inside. She would know.

In an instant, if mommy was not happy, because she can read my micro expressions. She literally does. If I'm sad and I'm pretending not. to be sad. She'll be like, why is your face looking sad? She knows. And then I have to tell her I have to be vulnerable because this is how I raise my child. There's honesty. There's truth. There's vulnerability in our home. And I think for me, this is really important too.

model to her because I want her to live in a world where she's honest. She can be genuine, authentic. And, you know, I can already see, and this is a little...

But I can see how this is really beautifully reflecting in her relationships where she has such strong boundaries with people who... might be mistreating her or doing things she didn't experience in her household. Wow. Right? Because whatever... is tolerable in the household, we're going to tolerate outside of the household. That's why it's so important what we do at home. Wow. Right? So this is what I would challenge. Right? Maybe your kids will see you struggle.

And then make it. Maybe tomorrow you're going to start, I don't know, granola business. You quit your job you hate, but you start a granola business. In five years, you're making millions of pounds because you followed your dream. And what the kids will learn that this is what's important. I personally, I'm a college dropout. Not again. that this is something I would encourage people to do. But I dropped out because I had two full-time jobs. I was supporting my parents.

And I had to take accounting and I just simply didn't have time for private accounting classes to pass my program. So I had to drop out. But, you know. Why I'm sharing the story is that as a college dropout, I got to the point where I've had multiple successful businesses and I lived the life of my dreams. Education is important, but it's not everything. Life experience.

will always be so much more important than any education. I was listening to a podcast this morning. It's in Russian, otherwise I would have sent it to you. But apparently now you can do the translation. But it was really... Interesting. It was a therapist and it was the interviewer, the podcast interviewer. And she said, I'd love to be your client. And he said, I wouldn't take you as a client. And she's like, oh, I feel a bit abandoned.

And then he's like, you know why? Because she's single at the moment. He's like, everything you have learned, you can just say that you get it. But the moment you have to embody it in a real life experience is when I would take you as a client. So he's like, when you're in a relationship, call me up. Then I will be a therapist. Right now, he's like, there's no point. We'll go back and forth for years. You'll spend your money.

There's no point. Get in a relationship, then I can guide you through it. Through the reflection of whether now you're biting all these values and things you have learned through the books or, oh my God, multiple therapy sessions, right? We can all sit there meditating like Buddhas thinking we're perfect.

But the truth of how we live our lives, what we embody, how we react. That's why today's morning is so important. You got locked out. Meanwhile, you're supposed to get ready. You have a hair appointment. You have in two, three hours a podcast episode you need to film. How did you react or not react? It's showing you where your growth lies. That didn't happen for no reason. So really? That was there to show you, you.

your own growth and how far you come along. Whereas before, even the Shifani I met a couple of years ago, I think you would have cursed and be like, what the? For sure. You know? And you were like, okay, let me just let go surrender and try to look for a solution.

And what's the worst that can happen? Like you said, there will always be a way to figure it out. Wow. You know why that's so interesting what you just said is because I had a really bad day yesterday. And I was having this day where I was thinking, I have not grown.

Because I planned to film loads of videos. And then I spent too much time actually planning out the videos. So I didn't even get to film any because it's so dark now. So then it got to 5pm. I was like, it's dark. I can't film. And then I was so angry with myself. And then I just thought, okay, just leave it. And tomorrow morning, wake up.

go for a walk. I went for a walk really early this morning and come back. But maybe you're right. Maybe this was a lesson in telling me that I have grown because I just don't get to film any of the videos, but nevermind. But maybe it was more of a lesson I needed to remind myself around. self-belief and I think I love the way that you always do that with scenarios like this means something bigger there's something that you just said to me I honestly did not think you were going to say that to me

I thought that when I told you that, you were going to say, if you have a purpose for doing something you hate, it's okay. Like, I've asked a guest that before, and their response has been, If you are stuck in a job that you hate, but it's feeding your family and it is, you know, sending your child to private education and that's a goal that you want, you have to give and take.

But you didn't say that. You actually said something really interesting around modeling. And I really do think that that is such a valuable point because you mentioned your daughter, Alexa, and how in the home, what she learns. she will then almost act like outside the home. Absolutely. And I think we forget that, don't we? And expect that. Expect to be treated in that way, right? If people scream at you at home, if people abuse you at home physically.

verbally. You expect that this is normal. And if that's not the case and someone does it to you, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? How dare you talk to me like that? Nobody talks to me like that, right? And this is her reality, for example. The reason she shared a story where a friend called her an idiot, right? Because probably this is the language. I mean, I love that friend.

But this is probably the language being used maybe by one of the parents at home. So it's like, you know, you just say that to a friend. Oh, you're such an idiot. But to her, I never used that word in my house. So she doesn't hear these words. She right now is taking a break from her friend and wrote this long message to her friend where she said that at this moment, I need space from you because I don't enjoy, I don't feel safe when someone calls me these words.

And to me, this is so mature for someone at nine years in a kind way. It's crazy. The self-awareness. The self-awareness is next level. She's definitely next journey. She has you as a mom, so I feel like it's kind of normal. This is now where, you know, having a child and raising a child is a complete experiment. I don't know if what...

I'm doing is right nobody does right we're all experimenting on our children and on our life but eventually you start getting feedback right and this is the feedback that I'm getting now where I realize wow, she has healthy boundaries. That's really beautiful to observe. Amazing. And she can pick up on these things already so quickly where somebody might be getting abused, but because abuse is normal to them.

they might not pick up on it as abuse for years, right? Whereas, again, if modeling was healthy, then they'll pick up on it faster. But again... this is a different topic but then going back to let's say career choices and resilience

Life is not about perfection and having the perfect education doesn't necessarily guarantee that you're going to have a better life. Oh, no. Absolutely not. Because again, like this is why I brought up the example of me dropping out of college. If perfect education guaranteed you a perfect life. a perfect marriage, a perfect everything, then that would be the case scenario. The truth is...

completely on the opposite spectrum. I have a lot of friends who come from very privileged families where all their friends went to private schools and many of them are no longer even alive because they committed suicide because they had everything. Because parents gave them everything, but they didn't have to struggle.

Kids need to go through some adversity. Kids need to go through some life struggle. It is healthy. And that's why going back to your question about change, not just kids, we as humans only become... more resilient through these life challenges, whether they're life transitions or changes, any change essentially is a life transition that is going to bring you outside of your comfort zone, is going to teach you.

All these new things about yourself, about the world. It's going to make you understand things you didn't. But also it's going to make you more empathetic. It's going to help you relate to other people. And ultimately, this is what we're here for. But Mimi, people listening to this are going to say, you know, I understand what you're trying to say. It's going to be a risk and you have to embrace it and it's going to teach you something new.

But I'm at a position right now, not me personally, but the person maybe watching, is thinking, okay, look, I want to leave this relationship, but I'm not really unhappy. I'm not, I don't hate them. It's not like they abuse me. It's not like they're horrible to me. I just feel, though, that maybe we got married too early or maybe I got into this relationship a bit quickly or maybe I'm actually coming up to my 40s and I feel like I don't know if I'm going to find somebody else.

whatever it may be, there's a resistance to leave because there feels as if I'm not going to get significantly better. A lot of people find it easier, I guess, to make a change or to shift or go through a new transition. If they know that the place or the job or the relationship on the other side is going to be better. But if you don't know it's going to necessarily be better and you're not in a situation where you hate the current state.

Why would you change? How do people actually go through that change? Why would they have the courage to change? Because they don't necessarily need it. And the truth is, they don't. Obviously, I can't sit here and tell someone, this is how you should live your life. I think we should all... reflect on what is truth to us, right? What is authentic to us? And I can only speak to what is authentic to me. And as you guys are listening, I want you to reflect.

Does this resonate with your truth? I mean, if you're happy to be in a relationship that is convenient, babe, most people are in relationships out of convenience. Most people are not in love. They're in attachment. What does that mean? Huge difference. When you're in attachment, it means that you're attached to someone to the point of being insecure to survive on your own.

And therefore, you're no longer in love with that person, but you're staying in the situations out of convenience because it's convenient to you. If tomorrow that person is not serving you in a certain way, You're not actually going to want to stay in the relationship. So maybe the man is providing security and safety financially. But tomorrow, if he's not providing, will you be there for him? Will you still love him?

The true love is when you will love the person no matter what happens. That is true, genuine, unconditional love. Even if they were to leave and cheat on you and everything, you will still find... Love in your heart. But attachment is when you love someone because they're providing you with something in return. And most people are not in genuine love. They are in attachment. They find partners.

Fill them up with something that they cannot personally give themselves. What's wrong with that? Again, nothing wrong with that if you're okay with that. If you accept it. If you accept the fact that it's okay for you to be partly insecure because... Why do we need others to give us something is when we again cannot give that to ourselves. The goal for me personally is to learn to be the most secure version of myself.

when I can learn to hold space for myself, when I can learn to really genuinely love myself, the light and the shadow version of myself, then usually you end up attracting someone who can reciprocate that. But usually people end up in relationships that reciprocate or they mirror exactly the love and the relationship they have with themselves. Does that make sense? I know it's very, very deep. I love it. Right? And therefore, if you are okay being in this conditional, attached love, stay in it.

Of course, if you accept it and that's your choice. To me, that is existence. That is not real life, right? Because you are, again, keeping yourself in the safe container because it is convenient. You don't normally… In that type of container, you necessarily feel alive. Or like you're learning new things. Or you necessarily see the magic.

You just do it because you're surviving and you're afraid. The truth is you are afraid, like you said, of what will happen if you leave that relationship. Will you ever find love again? And nobody ever can guarantee anything. But that is part of the magic, is not knowing what's on the other side. Yes. Again, reflecting back on my journey.

Obviously, I shared it in the previous podcast how I left my relationship more than two years ago that, yeah, looked perfect on the outside, but inside no longer felt. Like I wanted to stay in the romantic container of this relationship. I still have beautiful friendship with my ex-partner, Alex.

But it no longer resonated. I realized that if I stay now, it's going to be out of convenience because it's convenient to stay. It's so cozy and safe in this container. But if I'm genuinely honest with myself, I know I have outgrown this relationship.

And I need to leave. And this is where a lot of the conversations I had with... men and women in my life, at that point where I was just expressing how I felt and I didn't know what to do, people would be like, oh, just stay and cheat or just stay and... xyz right because this is what they do right and i would be like but i can't do that that's not how i live life i need to be honest yeah i can't i can't even for i can't sleep if i'm not honest right so i think we're all guided by our value

What are our main top 10 values? For me, honesty, transparency is one of my top values. And therefore, the moment I felt like… I outgrew my relationship where I no longer fit. I had to be honest about it and then deal with the consequences of being honest about it. Whereas I think a lot of people are lying to themselves. They're lying to their partner. because it's inconvenient to be truthful truth comes with inconvenience right but

I can guarantee you that truth. And again, I know this because if I reflect back on my life, how every time I've taken the scary step of moving to a new country, quitting the job, starting a new career, business. Saying yes to things that scared me. Like even sometimes getting on a plane, going to a new place can be scary. You've never been to this country. You don't know how it's going to be, especially if you're traveling alone. But even if you're not.

It is scary to get out of your comfort zone. Let us just acknowledge that. I mean, some people can't even leave their house. That's how scared they are. And there's nothing wrong with that. They have some kind of condition. I feel for them. This can happen to anyone. Let's not laugh at people who might have such severe fears that debilitate their lives.

Because I face so many fears. I think I've shared this with you maybe in our podcast when you were on my podcast. Fear is normal to a point. If it starts controlling your life. This is where discernment has to come into play. You have to be discerning with yourself. You have to learn to be so radically honest with yourself. And I'm reading this book called Radical Honesty now.

which is the term I've been using for years. And then I realized there's a book on that. I forget the author's name, but very heavy, difficult read, but also super healing. It's written by a therapist, and he says, the only way is through radical honesty. Otherwise, you are wearing thousands of masks, and nobody really knows, including you, who you really are.

Well, that was going to be my question. I think a lot of people who are listening to our conversation right now maybe are feeling something in their stomach or in their chest thinking. this resonates with me which is actually something that I only realized you know a couple of years ago really is you should listen to your body right when someone's saying something to you and maybe you don't really agree with it maybe someone is judging you right now and judging me right now thinking

These two, you know, we don't know what they're talking about, but there is also something within their chest that's saying, like, I feel like something is telling me I should be listening to this. What are some of the other ways that people can understand, you know? what really is impacting them and if they're really being honest with themselves. Because somatic work for me really does show that. But maybe for other people, there are other ways.

What are some ways that people can understand if they're honest with themselves? I think it takes a great deal of self-awareness that you have to learn to build with yourself. And if you're living in a constant... distraction, I can guarantee you won't be able to reflect. Some of the practices that I personally do is I take at least a day off social media, Friday to Saturday.

That's my technology, Shabbat. I've also started to go back to what I used to do years ago, is every evening after 9 p.m., no social media. And this gives you at least a couple of hours where you're not. bombarded with this information because i've noticed and also i take a week off every quarter of social media nice again very difficult to do this as a content creator yeah but the benefit is insane

Because when you do that, and I challenge all of you listening, who are listening to this, to just try even a couple of days of social media. Try just the one day a week off. You will notice how... this urge to like reach for your phone and because when we do that we're numb right we have this urge to be deeper and more truthful with ourselves. And it's uncomfortable. So what do we do? We reach for the pacifier. The phone is the modern-day pacifier.

reach for the phone and pacify ourselves. And all of a sudden we're looking at cute dog videos or cooking video, whatever the algorithm picked up that we're into. And you forgot what you were supposed to do. I think technology is incredible, but also can be incredibly detrimental to us. not doing the path, not walking the path that we're meant to walk on this planet. So if we have a mission, this is a huge distraction from us.

following our mission, following our path, following our truth. So creating this daily ritual where you're connecting to yourself, you're putting the phone away, you're just sitting. If you want to just sit in contemplation or journaling or... meditation, even if it's for five minutes, even if it's for three minutes, it's better than nothing. Yeah. Because sometimes even if in those three minutes, when you have this urge to reach out for distraction and numbness.

Whether for you, maybe it's alcohol or something else, any form of distraction. Everything, turn it off. Just sit with yourself. And when you create that space, whatever needs to arise, will arise. But people are fearful to do that, Mimi. I know. If I told someone of my friends at home right now who the situation really applies to, I just want you to sit by yourself for 15 minutes in a day. Either they'll fall asleep.

right yes that's a coping mechanism or they'll think of something or they'll just say well i don't have time now i've already you know done the objection handling of like you can create time because we all can create time by the way we can even if it's 10 minutes a day you can do it i'm not saying everyone can create 15 hours in a day. For anyone who says they don't have time and I'm so sorry to interrupt you. Can you please go into your settings and look at your screen time? Correct.

Anytime this excuse of not having enough time creeps up, remind yourself how much screen time you're getting. And yes, some of it could be work. Yeah. I get it. But a lot of it is scrolling. So don't tell me. You don't have time to work out. You don't have time to sit in contemplation. Now, maybe the question is, I'm afraid. Yes. Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Right? The next question, I think, is that.

I don't have time. I'm afraid. Or I don't want to change. Change is painful, by the way, like you said. But some people really honestly don't want to change. Now, you're going to say to me, well, you can't control that. But this is where I have a problem.

If I have somebody in my life that comes to me that tells me I have an issue, I want to shake them and push them to do something about it because I feel the same passion as you do of you're going to see the other side. It's really going to help you. Can you help a friend or a family member who does not want to change? You cannot. Never. I always say I'm not in the business of changing people, which is funny because actually I am in the business of changing people. But...

The biggest difference here is that you can only help people change when they themselves want to change. There has to be an internal desire. Yes. So if someone comes to me, a friend comes to me, listen. I hit the rock bottom. Can you listen to what happened? I'm all ears. I'm here to hold space, support everything. Give them solutions that I can think of. But if someone comes to me and they just want to vent.

I'll hold the space and then I'll be quiet because my job is just to hold the space. I used to be the person who would be like, I'm so solution oriented. This is what you need to do. A, B, C, D. Some of these family members or friends would look at me and really be upset with the fact that I tried to interfere with their pain or misery. Sometimes people want to be in pain and misery. They don't care.

Yeah. For you to tell them this is what you need to do. They're not ready. And that is also okay. So I've learned to accept that everyone is on their perfect individual journeys. And in fact. The less you try to pressure them into changing and the more you accept them, you do let them know that I'm always here for you if you need me.

But there's like a fine line where you just don't interfere unless they ask you. Now, if someone is asking you for help, they're really listening to you. But if they're not asking you for your help and you're just telling them, you need to go see this person, you need to go to read that book.

I guarantee you they're not going to do any of those things because that's not the point for them. The point is just to vent because that's where they're at. Yes. And that's okay. So the first step in making sure that... this change is going to be a positive thing in your life, is that you have the desire. Not somebody else has the desire. Absolutely. You have the desire. Okay, what's the second step? You have to declare to yourself that enough is enough.

I'm done with this BS, right? Maybe you're not happy with the way your health is or the way you look because you haven't really moved and been binge eating all this crap food, right? So you're at a point where you're like, oh, I don't feel good in this body. Right? You can keep going on like this for the rest of your life. Unless something in you one day wakes up and says, enough is enough. I know there's a better me out there that looks better, feels better, feels more energetic.

Your physical body is not just the way you look. It's how you feel every moment of the day. So that moment when that person says, I'm done with this BS. I'm going to change this around. This is when... change is going to happen. Until they hit that moment, I don't believe anything can change. no matter how much money they can give the personal trainer. And I have friends who have worked as personal trainers. They have these clients who come, pay all this money, but they go back in those habits.

there's some internal belief that makes them not feel good enough. So they stay in that cycle of overeating and eating unhealthy or whatever it is, right? Like we'll have different habits. Oh, hold on. That's interesting. So the first step actually maybe isn't desire.

do you think you're good enough? Would you say that is the first step? Absolutely. It's that we all have, and this is a concept I've learned in this book called The Big Leap. I don't know if we ever talked about it, but The Big Leap is one of my favorite books ever. And it talks about how we have this upper limit to how much love, abundance, health we allow into our lives.

And I'm currently also studying Kabbalah and Kabbalah talks about it in the exact, very similar way where from the Kabbalistic wisdom, it's a spiritual wisdom. And anyone can study and learn about it. It's super interesting because it relates to how I've lived my life since the moment I can remember myself. It's how we are a vessel.

And the creator, life, universe, whatever, always wants to give us blessings. But unless we expand our vessel, we cannot receive more light. We cannot receive more blessings. How can we expand our vessel? One might ask. Because what happens is, if you haven't expanded yourself to receive the light or the abundance or the better relationship, what are you going to do? You're going to self-sabotage. And this is what happens. People win a lottery.

Next thing you know, they burn through all that cash and actually end up even in a worse situation than before they won the lottery. Why? Because the mindset... is that they're not good enough to have this wealth. There is some kind of internal belief in the subconscious that doesn't allow them to hold that light. And the light, again, can come in the form of more abundance, better relationship, whatever.

How can someone expand their vessel to receive more light, to receive more abundance, is when you break the cycle of your reactivity. Because we all have these egos that make us react in a certain way. So either we judge ourselves or the situation or, I mean, the ego can be... in so many different ways. So you really have to be, again, self-reflective and see how do you self-sabotage yourself.

in different situations and scenarios. For example, in a relationship, maybe you just met an incredible man, but out of a sudden you become super avoidant. Stop responding to his texts. Or, you know, you're doing these things without realizing you're doing them, but actually something as good as coming to you, but you're blocking it. Or I had a friend, she had a school and she mentioned multiple times that...

Like the customers, the parents would email her and be like, where's the invoice? It's like she would block herself. She created this incredible school. Everybody's happy. They wouldn't pay her. She wouldn't send them invoices on time. So they had to chase her. To pay her. People do that to me. It's so bad. Right? What does that mean? That means that you're blocking the light from coming. Something subconsciously is blocking you from receiving more financial abundance.

Why am I doing that? I do that. Well, you need to sit with that, right? Weird. It's beautiful to become aware, right? So you don't feel like you deserve it. So part of you is blocking it from receiving. That's weird. Because all that's stopping you from receiving is you.

It's me. You have to be proactive. You're the block. And in friendships, you know, maybe you met somebody nice and they like invited you to the party or whatever. And you find an excuse not to go. Because again, you don't feel like you're good enough to be friends with them. You will find a million excuses. Of course, you're not sitting there thinking, I'm not good enough for this relationship or for this job opportunity or for these contracts. But you will find a way to self-sabotage.

For example, I will share my personal story how I recently, I'm just in the process of finishing my book, which came to me as such a beautiful blessing. I was literally chased by the publishing house to write the book for eight months. I kept delaying the meeting. I kept delaying, I kept delaying. I think I've shared the story with you before. And after eight months, I really had to stop myself.

And have a very honest conversation with myself. This is what we have to do with ourselves. I said, Mimi, this wonderful lady has been emailing you for eight months. You've been rescheduling this meeting.

Why are you doing this? Because you can see there's a blessing wanting to come to you. And why was it? So part of me was feeling not good enough. I thought, who am I to write this? okay hold on hold on we just need to pause it if people are watching or listening to this can we just like take a second to just process what you just said you are saying that yes right and I just

And still, and I really wanted to cut you there. Sorry, like cut your sentences off and say that because I really do think that the people who are watching and listening to this podcast would never assume that from someone like you. Never. And I think... that's the beauty of this conversation but also life we just presume that everyone else has got it figured out and that if you really reach this level of success it actually means that in every area of your life you'll be super confident

but you've never written a book well you have written a book before but you know you haven't written it for a long time self-published but you haven't written it for a long time and you maybe have never worked with the publishing house or especially this one yeah So there's going to be other fears that come in. But for people who are watching, you know, at home, your journey, they'll just say, well, Mimi's written a book. So why on earth would you not feel confident?

can you share why you don't feel good enough? Given the fact that you have been so successful, you are so inspiring, you have over a million followers on Instagram. And I say that because there's a million people who are engaged with your content. And also, you know, you have... written a book before so you've done this process essentially I think it's the the nice girl program meaning meaning like how dare you speak your truth stay small like who am I

In other areas, maybe it was okay to write a book. Like I've done a cookbook, I've done a kid's book, and I've done a book on masculine and feminine energy. Again, all self-published. But what I'm sharing now is a bit more vulnerable. I've never been, I suppose, this vulnerable as I am being now. In the book. In my life, period. But in the book as well. So it feels extremely uncomfortable. But you see, this is exactly the reason why I have to go in that direction. But it's so uncomfortable.

Part of me is like, how dare you expand so big? Why? Who told you that? It's the fear. But why? Where did that fear come from? Because the fear wants to keep you small. Where does that exact fear come from? I think it's multiple sources. I think it comes from our culture. Right. Especially as a woman coming from like the East. is a different baggage that you come with. Not that in the West it's any better. I think we as women...

And again, I'm not a sexist. I always felt like very equal to men. But still, the conditioning for women is very different than the conditioning for men. And there's a bit more of like, stay small, don't stand out. Like, how dare you? So you need to go through that. If you want to write a book about something a bit controversial, like, you know, you're choosing yourself, you're stepping into your power, you're using your voice, you're living with radical honesty. These are these.

Topics are going to trigger people. Yes. Right? Because most people are not living this way at the moment. So, yeah, there is a fear to step into that. and go out there and be like, this is how I'm living. You need to fully embody that. And there's a fear to do that because I'm still in the process of that. And that was...

The smaller fear, the bigger fear that I realized as I was untangling this and having this conversation with myself is that what if this actually does go right? What if this goes big? Yeah. And that was an even bigger fear.

Who do I have to become? How much will I have to expand if this actually becomes a success? Wow. Talk to me about that. That's really interesting. And this goes along with what I just said about the Kabbalah or the leap, you know, making the leap. It's because you realize that when something... again grows and expands whether it's a relationship right you've attracted an incredible partner but in order to keep that relationship you're gonna have to do a lot of growing

Right. You're going to have to go through situations where you have to sit through conversations that are painful, that are uncomfortable. They're going to challenge you. You're going to have to become more vulnerable. Right. There's all these things and qualities you're going to have to develop.

Are you ready for the challenge? And I think I just realized in that moment that I'm ready for the challenge, but I was just afraid. Wow. So I sat with myself and I was like, okay, well, if it goes well. You're going to deal with it then. You are fully capable of dealing with it. You're fully capable of growing and expanding and handling it all. I mean, something as small as like, what if I need to go on a book tour?

To the U.S. because that's my main market. And like, I don't want to leave my daughter alone for a few weeks. So I'm like, well, if that happens, you take her with you. You pull her out of school for a couple of weeks. And that's what I intend to do. Yeah. Right? So it's like, it's okay. But do you see how that...

tiny little small fear of I don't want to leave my child for a few weeks when I'm in the US can keep you small from writing a book. That's absolutely ridiculous. But we do this to ourselves. All the freaking time. So once I had this honest conversation, I simply emailed back the wonderful lady. from the publishing house and i had lunch with her and the team and they very much convinced me to write well encouraged me convinced us the wrong word i really wanted to do it deep down subconsciously

But they really encouraged me. And the whole process has been so beautiful. Amazing. And so healing. And I'm just now in the third. round of edits and I have one more round of edits and then the book will launch this summer. I'm so excited. So I'm very excited. I'm very grateful because I have grown so much through the process of going through these experiences.

of writing this book without it even being published yet. Look at how much growth we all go through when we decide to do something, whether it's start your YouTube channel, a new business, again, say yes to a new... Career opportunity. It doesn't matter if that is the end goal. What matters is that you're saying yes to life and the opportunities. Because what happens when you don't almost like turns into this negative karma.

I love this. I mean, oh my God, so much of what you just said there is so powerful. But I think the thing that stood out to me the most is so often when we want bigger things for ourselves. It's very natural for us to think, what if it doesn't work out? But what if it does? And are we ready?

for what that success will bring. You know, most people say, I want to grow on social media. Well, why do you want to grow? Well, you know, I just want a million followers. Do you know how hard someone has to work on social media when they have a million followers? Do you know how much they have to post? Do you know how many stories they have to do? Do you know how much preparation they have to do?

Do the team they have to hire? Do you know the planning that goes into it? Are you ready for that? Because if you're not, then stop striving for something.

that you actually don't want. And you didn't mention the opinions that you're going to get. Exactly. That's usually the hardest part. I'm so used to those things now. I just like forget about this. Yeah, but that can be... debilitating to someone's mental health if they're not able to cope with the input of other people's opinions about how they derive.

Which is why I also think the algorithm is quite clear in that way, that you don't just like grow overnight because you couldn't handle it. You cannot handle, you know, going from maybe, you know, 2,000 people online to going to 2 million people that are constantly commentating on every single thing that you do.

because it would significantly impact your mental health. So sometimes when my growth is slow, I know it's because it's building me up. And also when things get really tough, in this business, things can get really, really difficult. And when they do, I always just think...

It's preparing me because when I'm 20 times more successful, my problems are going to be 20 times more. And I really think that reframe has really helped me as well, is to understand that everything that is happening to me right now is because I want something. Did you say that when your success is 20 times more successful, you're going to have 20? No. Maybe. Can we rephrase that? Why? Because…

That's a very powerful affirmation that's not really serving you and actually blocking you from your growth. I look at it in a different way of, I can handle it now. And so I'm going to be able to handle more. You know, because you do, the more you, I really do believe the more of stuff that you have, and this is maybe like you're going to be like flocking affirmation. I just think, I think it's a good thing and it's a bad thing. The more successful you are in life.

Genuinely, you're going to have more problems than someone. Absolutely not. The more you get to delegate and have more freedom. I disagree. I actually disagree. This is great, Mimi. This is the first time we're disagreeing on something in life. I actually completely disagree with you. I have way more problems now than I did before, but I'm able to handle them more. Delegating, by the way, I find it very difficult.

That's your area of improvement and growth, my darling. So I think everything is about the story we tell ourselves. That is also true, actually. The reason I started a business is because I wanted to have more freedom now.

Most people will say you don't have more freedom when you have your own business, because if you have your own business, you're working 24-7, even on the weekends. Yes, that is true. Yes, but it also depends on how you set your business. So, for example, years ago, I read the book, with my ex-partner, Alex, and we set out intentionally to create a business that's a lifestyle business.

And that is kind of automated in a way that we only need to work a certain amount of hours and we have a lot of freedom. So every decision we made in the business came through the lens of my freedom.

comes first everything comes second okay but how do I have children in my because freedom is my biggest value by the way I love feeling free which is even why this morning when things were all a bit random I'm like I feel free you know like my mom called me like why are you not panicking and I was like well what's that gonna do I feel free and i kind of liked it how how am i my fear i guess uh you're my coach now is if i have a baby

And everyone tells me your freedom gets lost. How do I have my baby if freedom is my biggest value? Mimi, tell me. Everything is in the mindset. I mean, this one is a tricky one, but it's not impossible. It all depends on how you want to do parenting. Okay. I will have to agree with what everyone says in a sense that... I am a mother. My child is nine now. And I would say I've lost myself in the first few years of her life, for sure. But I chose also to do it in the way where I had to be there.

for almost everything for example i had a housekeeper when she was very small and technically that housekeeper could have been there with her for a couple of hours so i could get out and meet with a friend okay and i remember planning any meeting in a way where I would put her to bed for her nap and I knew exactly like she would sleep around two and a half hours so I would come back right before she would wake up. I didn't want to miss out on anything but that was me.

Doing it in my crazy, obsessive, intense way. I've unpacked that later. Why? I realized that I felt abandoned when I was little and I didn't want my child to feel abandoned. Okay, if I have another child, I think I will do things very differently. But that was my problem, right? She wouldn't have necessarily felt abandoned if mommy was gone for like extra half an hour or whatever.

I think there's a beauty in having like a village helping you raise a child. Yes. That was not the case in the performative years. But again, I chose to do it that way. I paid the price of multiple burnouts. So I do not recommend it to do it in the way that I did. However, I have zero regrets because I believe also in the perfection of the journey. I needed to do it that way. Because...

It was authentic to me. And I have zero regrets. I love my relationship with my child. And I think it is this close because of the time and the investment and the presence I've had with her. However. If I were to have another child, hypothetically speaking, I don't know if I would want to have another one, but it's a maybe. But if I were to have one, I would definitely ask for help this time. I don't want to dissolve into motherhood the way I did before.

And I think if you have support system and you're able to manage yourself. you won't fully lose yourself. But there will be a part of you that will get lost, especially in the first couple of years. When you fall in love with your child, you really fall in love. You're like... You're creating also this new identity, becoming a mother or a parent, whether you're a mom or a dad.

It's a new life transition, right? It's a whole new identity that you will create. And it doesn't happen over one night. When you're pregnant, you think, yeah, I get it. It's growing. Like, I'm so ready for it. And then when the baby comes out, like I was not ready for it. There were such small things that I never thought of until it happened. For example, like waking up on the weekend. and realizing I can't just do what I want to do anymore.

I have to consider this baby. That makes me sad. That makes me, that is actually my biggest fear. Well, it's valid. But I'll just think the baby will come with me at all times. I'll just sling it on me. You can't go to Pilates class with a baby. I'm sorry. Why not? You can leave him in the corner. No, you can't. I mean, to this day.

and I she's nine like I don't take her to my classes because it's like I wish we lived in a world you know I wish we lived in a world where you would and yes if you have a good partner again This is why it's important to learn to ask for help from your community, your parents. I didn't, and I paid the price. But what would you say, sorry, my question was initially, what would you say to somebody?

who is scared of losing their freedom. And then like, I know I definitely want to have children. I've already, I already know that. So I'm kind of like, I won't lose my freedom. I'll just do everything with them. La la la. Maybe I'm delusional, whatever. You're going to have to ask for help. Oh yeah. So. That is definitely something that I think is a topic for another day because I want to talk about guilt and being able to ask for help because that is...

definitely something I struggle with but I guess for somebody who perhaps is watching this at home thinking I think I want to have children or my partner wants to have children or we maybe want to have children but I'm very scared about this life transition and how I'm gonna overcome this and how I'm actually going to handle the fear you know maybe someone's just got pregnant and they're thinking oh my gosh my baby's now coming and I feel really fearful

What advice would you give to them to be able to kind of go through this transition and come out of it positively, especially when their value or their top value, perhaps, is freedom, which, like you've just said, is something they're going to have to give up. Parenting is about sacrifice. a lot of it is about putting the child first. And it's all about giving an unconditional love. I wish I could sugarcoat it, but I want to be realistic.

Because for people who are already expecting a baby, it's too late. The baby's coming. You're going to have to deal with it. For the ones who are on the fence, I want to be real. Yeah. You can't return the baby. You can't just be like, where's your receipt? Like I'm returning this thing. There's no way. It's a life altering decision. And that is.

If you take good care of your child and at 18, they become independent. Most kids won't be independent at 18, right? Let's be real. They're going to have to go to uni or who knows where they're going to go because maybe with AI, there's not going to be any. And universities. Regardless, 18 is when they can get married, move out, right? So for the first 18 years, you are their caregiver. True. And if you've raised them well enough, and what I mean by that...

where they've cultivated independence. That's why I talked about resilience. If you model following the rules and following the manuals, the kids are going to have a hard time surviving in this world. You're going to have to learn how to create your own manuals. Yeah. Right? Like, it's really important. What I believe, anyways, is to teach our children resilience. And…

I'm getting a little off topic, but going back to like this reality of whether to have kids or not to have kids or what the reality of having kids even looks like is that, yes, a lot of your freedom will be lost. Yeah. So only sign up for it if you're okay with that, because that's part of the experience. It's part of the journey. I was okay with it because I signed up for it.

I didn't maybe realize how much freedom, but I knew the freedom would be lost. I did struggle with the parts that I didn't realize. But because I made a conscious choice to have her, I love every moment of it. Even the difficult ones, because I'm like, I made the decision. And I think a lot of times what happens is if people don't plan the child, and that's why I think it becomes very difficult.

then because they resent the child and then, you know, the child feels the resentment. And let's be real, a lot of us are accidents, right? True. Probably most of us are accidents. I wasn't, by the way. And then, I love this for you. I'll be quiet. But, you know, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with us, but I'm just saying that the parents were not prepared maybe to give in the capacity that we wanted to receive. Yes. And I resonate with that a lot.

It really, having a child is consuming, fully consuming experience, even if you have help. Because there will be days when they are sick. And even if you have a full-time nanny, even if you have two and your child is crying and is in pain, if you're a parent with a heart, you're going to want to be there for them. You can't just be like, I'm out of here, going to go party with the girls.

And I'm sure some do. Yeah. And I mean, good for them. If they feel good about that, nothing wrong with that. No judgment. It's just not who I am. So, like, I can only speak from my experience. And I definitely can say I've dissolved in the parenting for the first at least four to five years. Only after five years. I was like, okay, I think Mimi's coming back. And then by seven, I felt like, okay, I'm back. And now I feel myself the way I felt myself before I had her.

But it took years to rebuild this new identity of who I am now as a mother in addition to everything else. Yeah. Wow. Very realistic, but I think that's what I'm here for. Yeah, I think it's really interesting to me that… No one really talks about how difficult it is to have a child, and yet everybody talks to you about how quickly you should do it.

Ridiculous. Everyone constantly tells me, you better start thinking about having children. And I'm just like, well, don't you think I should start thinking about how my life is going to change and all the things that I need to do rather than thinking about how quickly I can physically...

do this because unless you are mentally ready it doesn't really matter how physically ready you are and look i'm fully aware of the biological clock i completely understand that the older you get the harder it is For both men and women. By the way, that's not true anymore. But it's for both men and women. It's not just for women, which is what we're told. Well, apparently the eggs no longer ate. I think that we lose eggs.

But I think the sperm quality declines. Yeah, the sperm quality for sure. So it's both men and women. And yet, obviously, we're told that we should just procreate. That's all we're here for. But I think the focus is so much on our physical... ability to have children whilst actually the focus should be on our mental ability to have children because if you are not mentally in a place where you feel that you're able to have a child and raise them intentionally

You're actually just putting somebody out in the world who is unloved, miserable, and is going to go through some really difficult times in their life because they don't feel like they have a secure base. what are some of the tools and practices that you did perhaps, or maybe that you wanted to do, or that you'd recommend for people who are going through that life transition now and are feeling very fearful and nervous around it? Before I even decided to get pregnant.

And I was in a healthy, secure relationship, able to afford a child, I would say, after a year or two of our marriage, because that's when we started our first business, which became really successful right away. But internally, I didn't feel like I was ready to have a baby. Because I was dealing with so much anxiety and I was dealing with so much insecurities. And I knew that if I was going to bring a life into this world, I'm just going to pass on this negative cycle.

into this human and I wanted to become the most relaxed and healthy version of myself I've ever been and until I got there I was not going to have it. I knew that even though people say, oh, you should just go for it. You're never going to feel ready. Bullshit. I literally had a moment where I felt ready. And why I felt ready? Because I was facing a lot of my fears. I was living bold. I was stepping into my courage.

One of my underlying fears was also like dying in childbirth. Literally, I think, again, you can have a fear about having a child. But if you really, again, go dissect your fear and psychoanalyze yourself deeply. I'm like, what's underneath that fear? And what's underneath that fear? A big fear, the biggest one was for me that I will die during childbirth.

And it's a valid fear. Many women have died, especially back in the olden days. The ratio of women dying, like the percentage of women dying was so high because, again, the way kids were... being born like in the field you know. Not in hospitals necessarily. I'm not saying that you have to do it in a hospital. Anyways, that's a whole other topic, but I'm just saying. No, I get what you mean. You're not dying in a field and there was no medication. Yeah, like the way, the positioning of the baby.

Everything. So I didn't do therapy in that point of my life, but I did Vipassana meditation. I've done multiple courses where... I went to the silent meditation retreat for 10 days. And it's amazing. They have centers all around the world. The best part, it's free. You can donate if you complete the 10 days. If you walk away on day five, they're not taking your money.

Or even day nine. You have to complete the whole thing. You have to feel like you've benefited from it. That was extremely healing because I've sat there for 10 days. And again, I did it multiple times. I've sat with all my fears. I sat with all my insecurities. I literally have burned through them. And I had so much empathy and kindness. Like I've grown and expanded in ways that I couldn't even imagine. But specifically at that point.

I was so anxious that I could no longer fly on a plane. I was so anxious to go into a Lyft or to be in a public space with a lot of people. I even developed social anxiety at that point in my life. I was like 24, 25. And yeah, I did Vipassana. Two days later, I had to get on a flight alone to fly to Costa Rica. So I had to fly to Miami, Toronto, Miami, then change the flight and fly to San Juan. And it's not that the fear wasn't there, but I was no longer controlled by it.

It's like, feel the fear and do it anyways. I think learning to face your fear, knowing that you're okay, helps you expand and know that you'll be okay. in any situation, whether it's raising a child against starting a business. So that's how I felt as I was facing a lot of my fears and like living boldly and taking space.

One day I was in Rio de Janeiro, one of these places that I've always wanted to visit, but it felt like it's on the other side of the world and so unattainable. I was on this beach in Ipanema and I... I just remember sitting there and feeling like, okay, I'm ready to have a child. Wow. And again, it was one moment. But if you revert, like, look at what I've done beyond, of course, the meditation and practicing that for multiple years.

reading a lot of books and one of the most powerful ones was The Body Keeps the Score. Yes. Super deep. But again, it's all about releasing the trauma. The more traumas I released, the more relaxed I became, the more secure I felt that I can hold space for this human being that's going to come into this world without passing on my crap onto this child. So it doesn't mean that tomorrow you're going to be perfect.

I always tell Alexei if I ever lose my cool, and sometimes I do lose my cool. I don't really scream, but I can raise my voice sometimes. And then I will apologize, right? Like, it's okay to be imperfect as a parent. And I will tell her, listen, it's my first time. I'm learning. I'm reactive sometimes. I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong to be imperfect. And oftentimes she'll look at me and she'll be like, no, mommy, but you're perfect.

But I think it's just so important to also admit to our children when we are. making certain mistakes or maybe we're not fully embodying what we want to embody. So to anyone who is listening, who is on the fence, I do believe you can come to a point in your life where you feel like you're ready. Ready to give. Ready to love.

Ready to be present. Yes. These are the most important things that parenting will require of you. And not just parenting, I guess. Any life transition. True. But parenting specifically. Yeah, we'll give you more. It's a lot of unconditional love. Yeah. A lot of giving.

And you don't know if you'll ever receive anything back, right? You might receive love. Maybe your kids will take care of you one day when you're older, but none of it is guaranteed. You can't do it conditionally. Be like, hey, I'm taking care of you now while you're a child. But when I'm 80, you...

better be there for me you don't know that will all depend on how well you build your relationship with them and whether they're going to want to spend time with you a lot of parents expect right they expect it but It's unrealistic expectation. A child can say, F you, I'm out of here, right? If you don't build the intimacy and the relationship where a child wants to be, and we see that a lot in the West. Yes. The kids are like, I'm out of here. See you once a year at Christmas.

But in the East, I also think it's people do it out of duty. Yes, I know. Because their parents have said, well, I've done everything for you. I know, there's a lot of guilt and shame. Lots of guilt and shame wrapped up in that. And of course, this is not the topic of this podcast, but I'm not saying one is better than the other. I think ultimately, the goal is to build.

A beautiful, healthy relationship with your child where the child feels loved and accepted that they want to come to you. They want to spend time with you. How do you know you're ready? As in, how do you know that you now are ready to make this change? Because a lot of people might listen to this and feel really inspired and they might rush it and they might make lots of mistakes along the way. You're never going to be ready.

Like, I'm in a way contradicting. With children, yes, you have to be ready. I'm sorry. That's one, again, that you cannot reverse, right? It's a human life. Because I always say, some people who say, I don't want to have kids, they should stick to that.

Definitely those are the ones that shouldn't. Because even the ones that say they want it, they're going to struggle. Just because you said you wanted to have it, there will be moments where you're going to question how you're going to handle this. And with all the other decisions, I feel like you're never really ready because I think a lot of times the voice of resistance is what's stopping us.

The voice of resistance is that chip sitting on your shoulder, the little monkey and telling you like, again, you're not good enough. How dare you? Don't step out of your line. And that's always going to be there. The people. If we look at all the businesses out there and like literally look around yourself, every single thing in this room is a business that's created by someone. Yeah.

I can guarantee you half of these people are probably dyslexic. Another half never graduated college, right? Like you don't know the people's stories. Some of the most successful. People have had either dyslexia or never went to school or dropped out of school, especially now with the Gen Z generation. They don't even finish high school.

So true. There's so many of these content creators that are proudly declaring they never went to high school yet. They're making hundreds of thousands of dollars or even millions. And it's just a new world. Why? Because they chose themselves. Simply because they've declared to themselves that they're going to go for it and not going to be afraid. So I'm sure you've heard of the fixed mindset versus growth mindset. This is such an important thing to always keep in mind.

Because you want to always reflect on your own behavior and whether what you embody is a fixed mindset. And I'll give you an example of that, right? If you're someone who, for example, has never done calisthenics, like I have never done gymnastics, calisthenics, could never even do a cartwheel. And for all of my life, I said...

I can't. I'm not that graceful. I'm not that flexible. I cannot do that with my body. I can't do splits. I can't do any of these things. I'm not flexible. So what is that? That is fixed mindset. I put myself in a box. And I presume that for the rest of my life, I will be in this box. So growth mindset is something that's completely opposite, that the growth mindset is a body of...

belief system that subscribes to an idea that you can learn anything, you can be anyone, you can expand in ways that you've never imagined. And recently, a few months ago, I told myself that I'm going to try. calisthenics, I'm going to try inversions like handstands. I'm terrified of being inverted. I've never done it in my life, even as a kid, as I mentioned. And now I'm able to do it.

Wow. Still with the support of the wall, but I can take it off the wall for a few seconds. And that to me is like flying to Mars. Yeah. Right? It's like doing the impossible and proving to yourself, proving to your mind. to your subconscious mind, right? Because there's all these stories there that are controlling your life. 95% of all the decisions, actually more like 98% of all of our decisions are ruled by the subconscious mind. To always question.

Again, what am I saying? Yeah. Right? This affirmation, whatever I'm telling myself, I can't do that. It's an affirmation. People say, oh, affirmations are bullshit. Like, I don't believe in that. Well, you're saying 15... not 15,000, why am I getting thousands, literally millions of affirmations to yourself every single day, either inside of your head or externally. You're declaring it to the world, to your friends, to your family. Oh, I could never do that.

Oh, I'm such a loser. Why am I always broke? And then what happens? This part of your brain called reticular activating system doesn't really care what your reality is, but everything you input into your brain, it will go and search. For evidence in your reality. Yes. To prove the point of whatever you're saying. True. So, when I used to say, I can't do that. I'm not flexible. My reality reflects that.

The moment I said, I believe actually I could. If other people are doing, I should be able to as well. And right away, you are able to push yourself beyond the comfort zone to do the... It's impossible, literally, to do the impossible. If you told me I could do it, I would laugh. But now I'm able to do it. In fact, I'm so into it. I want to learn everything about calisthenics and do all these crazy things with my body because it feels so good.

Is it scary? Absolutely freaking scary every single time. I love that. But I'm still going to do it because I know that I'm growing and that makes me feel alive. How does peace look after change? Do you feel like you're more peaceful now? Absolutely. Really? I think peace is all about acceptance. True. Right? When you're constantly resenting your reality. Yeah. You're trying to fight.

you are not in peace. The moment you accept and surrender, you have faith that everything that's happening is happening for you, not to you. And that's my core belief. Then you have peace. You relax. You trust that you're taken care of. And I know I am taken care of because if I look back at my path, where I come from, where I am today.

There is no way I could have gotten here on my own. I have always been divinely supported. Do you realize what I've just said is a beautiful, powerful affirmation, by the way? Yeah, amazing. Right? What you say becomes your reality. So true, actually. And I've been saying that I'm divinely supported every step of my way for years. And therefore, my reality becomes that.

Mine is that I'm always so lucky. Like I said to my mom today, see, but I'm always so lucky, so I knew I was going to get in. There you go. And I really, genuinely do feel like I'm the luckiest person. Like, Nicol always says it to me as well. He's like, you're so lucky. And I was like, I am.

Like I'll just be walking on the street and I'll just find money or, you know, something that crazy will happen. And he'll be like, you're just lucky. And I'm like, I am lucky. Things just happen for me, don't they? And he's just like. Yeah, they do. But I believe you. I think that what you tell yourself is, so maybe I do need to rewind myself. When did you pick up that belief? Well, that I'm lucky. Oh, I chose to have it. There you go. I chose to have the belief of that I'm a lucky person.

lucky happened to me once and then I just decided to say I am lucky you know because I do think that you can change your thoughts so maybe I do need to change that thought then that the more things that happen for me the more problems I'll have the more money more problems What advice would you give to somebody who is so scared to leave their relationship but knows they need to? Do it for yourself. Because when you do something for yourself, it's going to benefit everyone.

They might be scared to do it because they don't want to hurt the other person or the children or the parents or whoever is involved in this relationship because sometimes a whole community is involved. But you staying in something. where you're essentially in a lie, right? You're not truthful because you're not happy in this container, in this relationship. It's actually hurting everyone involved. Because a lot of people are scared to leave their relationship because of children.

They feel like their children are going to be impacted if they leave that relationship. They're going to be, you know. And I will challenge them to question what do they want to model to their children. This is the process I went through. as I was contemplating that decision okay if I stay in the relationship what am I modeling but also you're going to impact them staying in the relationship because you're both going to be so unhappy

And the children pick up on everything. They're hyper-aware, even more sensitive than us adults. They see and feel everything. So they are the first ones to be impacted by two miserable parents staying in a relationship. And before we close, what's one of your favorite quotes that you live by or that's changed your life? It's a tough one because I love so many quotes, but the one that always inspires me.

Actually, there's two. Can I share it? Share two. As I say one, I'm like, oh, there's another one. Tell me. Okay, there's one. Okay, our deepest fear is not that we're inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure. It's our light, not our darkness, that scares us the most. Why? By Marianne Williamson.

You haven't heard this one? No. Oh, this one is my favorite. Why? Why is it your favorite? I mean, the whole topic of what we talked about today is stepping into your light. We're terrified. of the potential. We're terrified of the fact that it could actually go right. Yeah. Like even what I shared with the book, like what if it does go big? Who will I have to become? How will I have to change?

What steps will I have to take? Oh, that's scary. Let me stay small and not write the book. Let me not go on a date. Let me keep myself small and not go for that job interview or whatever it is, right? Let me not go and speak on that stage. Even though I have this urge to use my voice and speak. But let me stay small. Right? Because your light is so powerful.

And it's the unknown if you haven't fully stepped into it yet. Right? We know the shadow. A lot of times we're comfortable in the shadow. Right? But the light, the potential of the light is unlimited. It really is unlimited. It's full of miracles and abundance and beauty. And we've been conditioned for generations to stay in our suffering. And I believe it's time we'll break that cycle.

And pain, no pain, no gain, no suffering, no joy. That's what we think, isn't it? Wow, okay, and the second quote? The second one is, life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. Wow, that's so you.

I forget the name of the author. I feel like that is such a you quote. That is such a you quote. And the author of this quote, I mean, she was, I believe, blind and deaf. Wow. Can you imagine? I didn't know this. So I followed this quote, really resonated with how I live my life, which is all about facing fear. And then I find out that the author of this quote is actually blind and deaf. Wow.

Imagine what life is like to someone who cannot see and hear and yet chooses to live, to show up, to not be afraid. What do we have to complain about? So true. I think it really reminds you. It does. That how blessed you are simply by having a vision, by having a healthy body, by being able to hear the voices of your loved ones, the music, the birds singing.

how blessed we are. So, and again, it reminds me that, yes, every step... of the way is a daring adventure sometimes leaving the house is a daring adventure getting on the plane to fly to the new place you've never been to but maybe that's where you're gonna miss you meet your loved one or Maybe you'll come up with a new business opportunity. Everything is a daring adventure. Yes, see life like that. And then the more you see it like that, the more magic you will experience. Wow, wow, wow.

Oh, Mimi. Honestly, I'm so glad everyone got to experience what, honestly, just what a normal conversation with you is, if I'm completely honest, because I just, I learned so much from you. And, you know, we... we went off topic so many times and I wish that we could have just like explored all the other topics which is generally like what we normally do but

I really love that you, I know that you've helped a lot of people today who are feeling stuck and who are feeling scared to make that change. And I would just love to know if anyone did make a change after hearing Mimi, because I would love to hear how it helped. thank you so much for having me thank you for being here