Survivor's Escape Plan TRIGGER WARNING

Well , you can go to the Ripple Retreat website too . He's just a stand-up person , Y'all can check him out . So , now that my husband already has a spit in his mouth , happy belated birthday .

So because they cannot take accountability for any of their actions talking about narcissists . then they turn around and flake in onto you and make you look like you're the bad person . You're the liar , you're the bad person who just did them wrong .

And they try to slander you and defame your character left , right and center , and we both had that so so the wife is still working on um some of our websites for our academy . Go to facebook , type in a contagious smile academy and you'll see that there we will never turn anyone away .

The courses are valued so much more than what we have been listed for monetarily . It's the fact that we don't want anyone to not be able to partake in these courses . We have five different collections right now . We just added the Valor Circle for military vets and a lot of our courses will coincide with other collections .

But if somebody can't afford it and they reach out to us , we will keep that confidential and we are offering scholarships , whether it's a one-time donation of $5 or a monthly donation . However you wanna do it , then we will take that out of the pot and allow these other individuals that just need a hand right now , because you never know , I know .

second chance , because you never know when dire straits could transpire .

Our number one episode of the like 300 and I don't know however many that we've done , plus however many I've done separately , has been when you interviewed me about what I went through now . Is it easy ? No , even though I've talked about it for decades , it never gets easier .

It gets more tolerable because you become I become accustomed to it almost get like calloused over it and I had so many people come out and send messages to me and emails to me thanking me for being so raw and so vulnerable and so open , and I've done that better with you than the hundreds of people I've been on interviews with , as they've interviewed me about

it because it's you , I'm more comfortable like you're the only person who can touch my neck like if I , if my shirt is crooked or even if he just walked up . He is literally the only person that can touch my throat , and that's because , after being strangled and suffocated , I it's a trigger , but when my husband does it , it is not .

So just having him talk to me and talk about this has brought so many people out and thanked us for doing it . So I thought we would just kind of do a part two to talk about it and then tell everybody go to the . Academy . There are some free classes in every one of the collections so you can go and check out the mini academy courses as well .

Um , we just don't want anyone to ever go through this , because my husband and I have both been through our own types of abuse , where we have survived with partners and family , and we just don't want people to have to go through it alone or go through it at all , really . So my husband's giving me this . I love you , but I don't want to do it .

Look , and he gave me that the last time . But how about this ? We'll compromise . I won't ask you to read any of the book because the last time you did , you cried , but it is right there I know I'm not , I'm not gonna read it .

, Screaming at her to get up and get me a glass of water . Now , if you know anybody whose wires are crossed this bad , you need to get the hell away from them . Guys , if you see something you know with one of these ladies that have the telltale signs that there may be abuse , say something .

She had no one to turn to , no one to help her , because that narcissist and asshole had so much control and power over her that you know she could barely breathe . And a lot of survivors I'm not calling y'all victims . A lot of y'all survivors are probably the same way calling y'all victims a lot of y'all survivors are probably the same way .

And he openly admitted In martial arts yes , he openly admitted that he would have never raised a hand to me if I wasn't pregnant . He knew that . But one of the first things you learn in any martial arts is de-escalation and you learn to fight , to flight . Right , that's the first thing get away from the assailant , get away .

but when you are literally straddled in your sleep , and being punched in the face that you're pregnant to go get some water . You know that's not how it goes , and so I made a deal that as long as he didn't hit my stomach- so that I could protect my daughter , that that I wouldn't fight him back .

But the whole time I was gathering proof , because I needed to not only get out and survive and thrive , I needed to make sure he couldn't be anywhere alone and alone with my daughter . The stories that he said he was incredibly charismatic .

He knew the buttons that needed to be pushed , if you will , metaphorically , in order to even have me consider this as something . I would have done , and it's awful , because if , for instance , the bed wasn't made the exact way , I would hear you know . Why do you make me do this ? Why do you make me do this ?

So I kind of thought things were funny when he would do stuff and like oh , I have to have three of this on my salad and I thought he was kidding , and then none of the food could touch .

And then if we were driving anywhere , he counted the clicks on the turn signal and if he turned and say it fell on an even number , he would do the turn signal again to get it to go to an odd number , and so that I just thought that was you , you know whoppers back then .

I mean , I was young I'm not saying anything against anyone with OCD but OCD wasn't a big , you know , predominant thing back then and I had no idea . And so control is an understatement . I couldn't go to the bathroom with the door shut . I was raised understanding that that's your private time , that's your time you go in there and it's your relaxation time .

You just don't barge in there . You know I . Multiple times he threw me in the bathtub . There were times he took my metal brush and beat me in the face with it . There were so many times and so many different incidences , and he testified that if he hit me once , he hit me 200 times .

And he also testified that if I cried , whatever he did , he would do it again . And so , literally , the judge told him you trained her to accept your hand Because , like an alcoholic , if you want to get drunk , you have to drink more than you're used to in order to be drunk .

And so I was stabbed over a dozen times , and so if he stabbed me and I showed any emotion , then he would stab me again , and when I would go to the emergency room I would say no to any

kind of medication because I didn't want it to go to my daughter . And so they would say but we got to give you hundreds of stitches and I'm like .

The average person goes back seven times but it's because they don't have the escape plan set up and ready to go .

I was in a city area that I had never really been to ever in my life prior , and so he drove all these different ways around and whatever , and uh I had no idea where we were and he was so good at lying like it could be bright sunshine outside and he would make you think you're crazy .

And he would make you think there's a tomato like right behind you . He was so good at lying that you , you would just you know , when I got in there , I thought , oh my god , thank you , thank you , they're gonna call the police . This is , you know , a ? When I got in there , I thought , oh my god , they're going to call the police .

This is , you know , a felony . This is a felony , this is animal cruelty . We shot and killed our dog and they said you know , we have to call the police .

And he just stood there and he was just all of a sudden like just started the fake emotion and said , no , we've gone out to dinner and and if somehow they got , whoever shot him got in the backyard and they asked him if he had another dog and he did .

He had two and he was like , well , how come the other dog didn't get hurt and he just got like , uh , and then he said , oh , the other dog was in the house and it was just I couldn't believe that he was getting away with this .

And then he got away with everything , literally everything , and I was of the mindset that this really couldn't be , happening right like I could watch enough , or um , sleeping with the enemy , and think it's comical , like it's a comedy show and I'm not making light of anything , because I've always said one hit , one slap , one kick , it's one too many , it's never

a competition , it's just no . but when you literally , like I , started connecting with the evidence and I would go back and look at it because I really couldn't believe what I was seeing , I couldn't believe what I was enduring , because you just you can't fathom and think that you know they turn it on you . Why do you make us do this ?

This is we had just done what I told you to . This would never have happened . You know like he would follow me to my office but because of my job , I parked in the executive parking so he couldn't get in there .

I would have to call him from my office so he would see it on his phone that that's where I was , or he would call me , and it was just so suffocating . I felt like an asthmatic in a room of smokers with no windows or doors Craft and helpless . Yes and alone , Very much alone .

The only thing that gave me savior was my daughter who , when I would want to give up , would kick me to remind me she was there . My grandparents' memories I constantly thought of them and I always thought of Michael . I always thought of Michael and always thought of michael . I always thought of michael and I thought he killed me .

I never said I would never see my husband now again . And that was really really tough . And here I am and here you are now 25 years later well , 25 years later but yeah , we've known each other for a long time . Many decades .

They know where they're at , they know they want to get helpless , they feel lost , they feel like they have no control over absolutely anything and you know what , if they are cleaning the house and they have their earpods on and they're listening to this and they feel they have no one to go to , they have no one in their corner , okay , and they have questions ,

but they can't write . He watched everything I did . He checked every text message . He checked my browser history . He checked everything on the computer when he wasn't participating in disgusting things that I didn't know about . These sweet , amazing people need to know .

, like I said before , I own what I did . I was not perfect in regards to the fact I told him to go out with other women Because one he wasn't home beating me and I'm pregnant Not that that made a difference , because you shouldn't be beating on anyone . Anyway .

Also , he would be in the courting period where he would be trying to get somebody else on the side . And so I okayed him to go out and have another woman . I absolutely did , because then he wasn't home beating me , he wasn't at the house hurting me . If he's out with other people , then he's not out at home , beating me half to death .

And because I didn't consent .

And you know , pounding my face into a cabinet because you need three of everything and there's two and a third but you can't have a fourth . I mean these are how the things would be constantly . I mean , every single day felt like a lifetime . My favorite day of the week was monday because I was in the office .

I was always there bright and early in the morning , before everybody else , and I was always the last to leave so how can you mention that there's there's a lot of paper trail with electronic devices , social media .

I'm sorry , I got chapstick because I had very dry lips in the winter and I was a whore because I got chapstick . Chapstick . Really because I was a whore because I got chaps in Chaps in . Really Because I was a whore because I got it and he ended up throwing my face into a metal , Anyway .

So whenever I would go to the store and you go to checkout , it would ask do you want cash back ? I always took cash back and , depending on how much I bought at the store . So if I bought $180 at the , store . So if I bought , 180 dollars the store , then I would get 40 back . And if I had you know coupons or ? whatever .

Then I would use the coupons , not tell him and that money you know . I would say , oh , I've got coupons and you know whatever . And then he would make the difference , but I would always get money back .

And then what I would do is in the vehicle I had , it had a compartment in the back , nobody knew about , and I would make the difference , but I would always get money back .

And then what I would do is in the vehicle I had , it had an apartment in the back , nobody knew about , and I would stick the money in there little by little , and every time I would go I would get more money . And then it doesn't show an ATM withdrawal , it doesn't show a bank withdrawal . You know . It doesn't show any of that .

Also , you know I changed jobs and I negotiated my salary , and he did not know what I was making , and so he didn't know what I was really making , and so I took the difference in what I was making and put it in the account he had no knowledge of . So that also was another way , and I had it tagged to my bank card .

Um , but I would go to the grocery store , I'd go to the walmart or whatever and I would get money back . Then I would also get gift cards , uh say for gas , gas cards or like a walmart gift card or something like that , so that I would have those as well . And that was the way I started to get stuff together little by little . I had a gardener phone .

I got an extra charger because when I got back to the house it was another home . When I got back to the house , I wasn't allowed to have my phone and we didn't have a landline and he would take the car charger or the home charger too , so that I couldn't charge the phone . And if he beat me and he left , he took the phone and the car keys .

So I was helpless and without being able to call the doctor .

So I got a burner phone and I always backed in Because if I had to get out quickly I could not have to worry as much About trying to get out of the garage or the driveway or whatever , because I'm already backed in , so not have to worry as much about trying to get out of the garage or the driveway or whatever , because I'm already backed in .

So that's another option that you can do . But gather proof , gather evidence . One of the other things that I did at work was I would take screenshots of the text messages and I'm going to kind of be cryptic .

But he sent me a text message because I told him that I felt like a single mom right , and so he said all single moms are Satan's spawn and they should all effing die .

So I took screenshot and I uploaded it to an account a dummy account or like a Walgreens CBS or anything like and I put it into that place where you can go and have pictures developed and pick them up , right , and then I would delete any and all ever evidence of it so that they couldn't be found .

And that way I started to have proof that way as well .

It still does , and so I I took things of that nature and I put it in the safe deposit box so that he couldn't destroy them , and then any paper evidence that I found I would take it and put it in there , or , if I thought he would look for it later , I would make a copy because we had a printer or copy machine , and I would take it and put it in

there , so that there was another way I was getting proof .

That way as well , I would slowly you have to do it kind of on the slow side know , make sure you make your house as as abuse proof as you can and I go into extreme detail about this in other places but , for instance , never keep things on step or the stairs ever when your kids are there , you tell them , no matter what you hear , you go far away or

run out and get help . Another thing is , if the abuser has a tendency to

throw things at you like glass jars or glasses or things of that nature , slowly whenever they're broken , or you get clumsy , quote unquote and you break it by accident , then go to the dollar store and replace it with plastic , because plastic doesn't hurt as much as glass .

Um , I got rid of my metal hairbrush and got a plastic one and , like I didn't have any glass jars around , if I had , like marinara sauce to cook with or whatever , I would put them in tupperware containers and label them . Uh , I tried to get rid of any and all glass that I could , because it made a difference .

I started to slowly take the knives out of the house , you know , just little by little , and he wouldn't even let me have ice packs in the house for my injuries , so when I would get a black eye or a broken nose , or a busted face . I had to go into our bathroom and lay on the bathroom floor , because that was the only thing that was cold .

He'd go throw it outside , in the backyard or whatever . So I couldn't just go pick it up and so I would have to lay on the bathroom floor for it to be cold to try to reduce swelling . If there are incidences and I'm so sorry if I'm triggering anyone , I'm trying not to , so I'm giving trigger warnings .

If there was incidences where blood was involved then he would leave and I'd have to have everything cleaned up before he got back , or it set him off again . It was a trigger for him if he came back and saw blood anywhere .

Little did he know that he made one of the strongest warriors on this earth inadvertently not that I'm giving him any credit at all . Little did he know that he made one of the strongest employers on this earth inadvertently Not that I'm giving him any credit at all , but I don't see her chipping down oxys or hydros I never have .

Not only , in fairness , she doesn't do pain meds like you know everyone else does . You know she goes through surgeries . You know eyes wide open . You know they just tell her don't move . She's had so many surgeries done where she has not been under , not been twilighted or no pain meds afterwards .

I just you know she had medical issues and so because of that I had to wait and if anything I had wasn't life-threatening like I had a broken foot , I had fingers , I had a man , I had this elongated shoulder . My nose wasreatening like I had a broken foot .

I couldn't be laid up somewhere else trying to recuperate when my daughter's fighting for her life , coding every day , having multiple seizures every day and a NICU , and I am alone with no help or support . So I had no choice , so I did and I understand that a lot of my surgeries are because I waited for so long . I take responsibility for that .

Could they have just done something back in the day to fix my shoulder , probably ? But , I waited until she was decannulated and her trach had been removed before , because I had to end up getting a full shoulder replacement .

And when you're carrying around a suction machine and a pulse ox monitor and you know oxygen tank and emergency bag and backup traits and the feeding . I mean , you name it and you're doing all this by yourself . To hell with how you feel you're a mom .

That first responsibility , and only responsibility , is my child and I need to be able to get in there if there's an occlusion and you know , she has a granuloma and whatever the case may be , and so I waited , and I understand that exacerbated the need for additional medical intervention , but I wasn't going to do it with any kind of pharmaceutical assistance and

this is why I say that your daughter , our daughter now

and she looks at me in the freezer section and she puts her little hands on hips and she goes mom you made a seriously kick-ass daughter with some ugly spare parts and at first I thought she meant her , sure , and I was like what do you mean , ugly spare parts ? Thought she meant her sure , and I was like what do you mean ? Ugly spare parts ?

And the only thing I ever told her was that that makes her mom like I didn't go into anything specific . She didn't need to know . She's a kid , right ? I'm not going to tell her any of that , and I was a single parent for a very , very long time , and so I asked her what that meant , and so she knew that it took a mom and a dad to have a kid .

That's all she knew , right now , oh lord please don't ask her now , but she knew back then it took a mom and a dad to have a baby . And when she's walking around she looks at me and said I made a kick-ass kid with ugly spare parts . You know any medical mom is gonna be like what do you mean ? Why do you say that , you know ?

And she's like no , I'm not him and she didn't even know that . Like he was the inside of a hemorrhoid ugly physically . But what a lot of people don't realize is that when she was in the womb she recognized his voice and she would become tachycardic when she would hear his voice .

And when I went to court they had a recording of his voice and I have the picture , because they took a picture of this and when they played the recording . She wasn't even two and a half years old . She the horror . Look on her face . She looked like she was in such fear when she heard that recording and I have the picture . She remembered the voice .

But then , all of these years , while I was a single mom .

can do two pugs in a bush and impregnate somebody , right . Anybody can do that . That doesn't make you a daddy , that doesn't make you a father right . It makes you a sperm donor . So I told her there's only one person that I would ever , ever allow that position , that role , and it's Michael .

And we were only friends and you know we spoke off and on and his disgusting , tyrant , nasty second wife you know , got nasty with me and I reminded her that I had him before her and if I wanted him now , I'd have him again , but I'm not going to be the other woman .

So when this marriage ended and I reminded her , that it would , then I'll come back and get him , and so I waited for them to be done , and then we got back together . But , what was so sweet is that my husband asked my daughter's permission to marry him . And ask permission .

That's what I'm watching you trying to go to sleep on me and it's my back certainly , I work all day hold on . You were home by 3 pm . Well , I worked all day . No , no , no , no , no , no .

Whatever she the phone ring , as my finger was no more than I'd say a couple millimeters away from dialing her number from from hitting her on my , on my phone pad best examples our wedding right a couple years ago what I describe it , because I forgot what , what , where you and I decided we're we do different rings every year and like oh , what are we going

to do this year ?

let me , let me I still can't say it reiterate you did it , say opioids no . Who Caked First by Victoria Piroletti , because I ain't reading that dang book y'all , and I dare y'all to read it , okay , and the wife put out there if y'all want to help us out , then contact us . The bottom of the webpage it says contact us .

No , no , if y'all want to help out , because this is , you know , only a two-man show up in here .

Goodnight y'all .