One Hand, One Heart, All Courage

You're beyond a coward , you're beyond a piece of shit for leaving that mother , your newborn baby , just because you don't want to deal with the challenges that the medical appointments oh , this is going to inconvenience your life Preach . So F you , you know , you know , oh , it pisses me off .

Whatever the situation may be , do you know what ? I've had the pleasure of working with the most amazing kiddos . None of them are disabled , none of them are , you know , medically incompetent . They just learn at a different pace . They learn in a different way . They go down a different journey and you know what ?

Those journeys are more beautiful because we don't have those assholes taking up the view . You know what I mean . And we don't take , excuse me , we don't take one minute for granted . I don't take a laugh for granted . I didn't hear our daughter .

She hiccuped once prior to the placement of the tracheostomy , but other than that I didn't even get to hear her until she was two and a half years old . I didn't get the coups and cause and all that stuff . And then we've had people in our family when she had her trach placed and she had it for a couple of years .

That would say something like don't say a word to your lawyer , folks thinking it was comical . It's not comical . And then , after decannulation , the same individual would make some stupid comment Like I liked it better when you weren't able to talk . I mean individual would make some stupid comment like I liked it better when you weren't able to talk .

I mean people are just beyond ignorant and I don't want to say it's ignorant because they cognitively know what they're saying . They , they know . I mean I don't want to give them that credit ,

but they do . They , they think they're being funny , but they it's like how do I make an excuse for you being a downright prick ? You know how did that happen ?

And he's like woman , let me get something out of your purse . I'm like no , because that's like the one place I had left to hide something . I mean , he was finding stuff two weeks before Father's Day .

To the guy out there can I say guy Sure , who thunk ,

who thunk that I would be loyal to him ? Forget it , pal . Forget about it . Yeah , forget about it .

I have been asked to be one of 100 women who will be doing about a 12-minute live speech , if you will , and it's going to be featured on Roku television . It's going to be featured Facebook , instagram , tiktok , linkedin , a couple of other major stations and then , of course , we're having it

recorded so that we can put it out here for anybody who might miss it . I'll have more details of that here this week . That's an incredible honor .

I'm I hate how long it has taken because I'm doing the job of like 30 people and I'm doing it one-handed and it takes a very long time and I am meticulous about things when it comes to the placement of everything and make sure it looks right and it's fun and it's great and it has great , you know information .

So it does take a little bit longer than it would joey bag of donuts , um , but it's going to be super , super fun and we're partnering with ripple retreat , my dear friend and brother , jj , who is to Ripple Retreat and check him out . He is phenomenal . What a story he has . He has such a huge heart .

I had him on as a guest on his birthday and he was celebrating many years of sobriety . His story will pull at your heartstrings . His story will pull at your heartstrings . He is such a light Like . He served our country with pride and honor and now he is paying it forward with a ripple retreat , which is this is phenomenal .

He has a facility where people who are recovering and are in some type of recovery can go , and on the weekends he's doing where you could have weddings and stuff , but it's alcohol-free weddings . So like , if you have drunk uncle joe , he can't bring alcohol , um , and there's no alcohol here , so he can't come out here and ruin your event or whatever .

And JJ's just a stellar stand-up . Jj's awesome Right guy and y'all need to check him out and if y'all can , you know , support him in any way , please do so , because it's amazing .

It is so outright expensive , and even paying , like our academy , is so under cost wise like it's I'm not under cost , but undervalued in regards to the courses are so much cheaper than the value of them , because we want it to be affordable for everybody , and we have many , many courses that are free .

However , we still have to pay for the platforms and all the other software and everything else that we do on a daily basis , and so we're just trying to break even . We're not trying to do a get rich thing by any means . Break even . We're not trying to do a get rich thing by any means .

So our audio has taken a turn for the worst because our equipment is way overused and I am also in the . The desire and need of a new computer . My one computer that we do everything on hates me , um , because if you open it right now , I think there's like 52 tabs open and we're running everything on it , and it's the only thing we could afford .

And so we've had this computer for many , many , many years and I need to upgrade , but it's just not financially feasible for us at this point in time , so we're having to wait on that , but we are upgrading our audio equipment .

It will be this week , so the next podcast will be amazing and you guys will be like , wow , they have great content and they sound good . So you'll be able to hear the difference in who Michael and who Victoria is . You'll know the redneck and you'll hear the redhead . So that's in the works as well is .

One in four , statistically , of victims are women and one in four women are in some type of traumatic abusive relationship in their lifetime . So think about it you have a mom , you have a sister , you have a wife and you have a daughter , and one of those four , god forbid , could be a victim of abuse .

And if they couldn't afford it , then we take care of it . But then what we do is we take that money that's sitting there in the scholarship fund and we use that , and so we've had eight different scholarships purchased this week alone . We would like to try for 10 the next week and keep going every week .

We will never turn anyone away , and it's not even the cost of a Starbucks . Like to go to McDonald's and get like a I don't know . A Happy Meal is more than a $5 cup of coffee . Happy meal is more than a $5 cup of coffee , and to know that you're doing that and paying it forward makes you feel so good inside because you're helping someone .

And you know what , one day you might be on top of the world and the next day you might not be and you have no idea it's coming , and I'm here to tell you . I walked that by myself and that's why we do what we do . I never want anyone else to have to do that , because you don't know when it's coming . I , I'm here to tell you .

I walked that by myself and that's why we do what we do . I never want anyone else to have to do that Because you don't know when it's coming . I had a six-figure career a couple decades ago and little did I know that I would be , you know , beyond broke and poor shortly thereafter . But you do what you need to do for your family .

If you're not a deadbeat , pos um and you stand up and do what's right , treat others the way you want to be treated and you know what . To hell with everybody else .

Seriously , you know , I look at it like it's a rite of passage because I actually was talking with that individual my husband was referencing earlier and it's like you know , here's the thing if you look at a family tree , you might have bloodline where you have okay , there's some branches here or whatever but even a family tree has some dead limbs right , and so

you think about that and it's like you can't pick your family . You can pick your ass , you can pick your nose , but you can't pick your family , and that's that's really sad . That's really sad because they should be there unconditionally , no matter what , when you need them .

But when they need you , you better believe they're going to be front and center , want help , and the question is do you give it to them ? Do you help them , in spite of the hurt , pain and trauma they caused you ? Because if you don't , are you just like them or do you like ?

We have a saying in our home we want no drama , drama and we have a quaint , quiet , comfortable home and we don't let the crap in , we don't let the people trying to come in and start crap . And you build a strong foundation and you're as strong as your weakest link .

I'm 92% deaf in my right ear from the trauma of my abuse . I haven't worn my hearing aids in a while because I can't , and my otolaryngologist understood that . We talked about it this past week and I'm 80 something percent deaf in the left ear . So I rely on my hearing aids , which I can't wear .

And I read people's lips but like if we're in here recording that it's Michael and I I can hear him because it's only him . If Faith was in here and they were both talking , it sounds like . And if the TV is on , forget it , I can't distinguish what's what .

So my surgeon , after dozens of surgeries , basically told me that we need to do something called a shutdown or a stitch down or whatever it is , where it's like a fine thing painting on a wall , where you look at it and you're like , oh , that's nice , but it absolutely has no function to it , and so that would be kind of what they want to do now .

And then there's a possibility of a cochlear implant and I'm like , oh great , something else to plug up in me every day , right , like I need a usb , whatever you call those things , hub , and we need one that has like 15 plugs to be able to do everything , because I am like , seriously , I don't need to take a shower , I need a wd-40 , you know wash ,

because that's basically what it is , and I literally have more metal in me , I think , than working human parts . And what scares me and I've noticed it slightly , and now I'm becoming self-conscious about it .

This is a long way around saying what I was going to confess is I was told that as this progresses , my speech changes and like , if you ever listen to Marlee Matlin , right , like people are like who is that ? First of all , she's completely , 100% deaf .

She was on Dancing with the Stars and she paid attention to the rhythmic sound on the floor , right , and her partner , who I don't remember who it was , gave her pointers , like where he would make a sign or something to remind her where she was in sequence of her dance .

But if you listen to her talk first of all , I think she's an amazing human being and if you listen to her talk , you can tell that her speech is much different because she doesn't hear how to articulate the words correctly , so her speech is different .

And so when you're losing your hearing and you don't hear it all the time it's you're starting to make different pronunciations of words , and I know , know that's happening . I've heard it on some words and I know that it's going to be coming more and more , and our daughter , faith , thinks that's awesome because I'll sound like her a little bit .

But it scares me . She does , she is perfect .

But it scares me because I'm so used to being articulate and doing speaking engagements and international speaking engagements and , um , to know that my , my speech will continue to , like I don't know , disintegrate into I don't know what it's it's your family's gonna be here and to I don't know what it's it's your family . Well , and I appreciate that I do .

But I'm a person who speaks to the public and to know I mean there are some words that I say that I hear now are a little different and I'm sure you want to , you'll admit that you've heard it too , and it's quite bothersome because I've always been this person that has spoken in front of others ever since I was in high school , in the debate team right ,

and so like for me to . I know that's shocking I was on the debate team right , but like to conversate with someone .

I know that my words are going to not be as fluid for others and , you know , if you're born that way , faith has such a great outlook on everything because she'll say I don't know any different , because that's the only thing I've ever known . Well , I've known this and now it's something else I have to learn , right ?

So when I hear people who are like pieces of crap and they don't care when their child , grandchild or whatever is in a hospital for surgery 5 , 10 , 50 or one their first surgery , you know , one doesn't make any different than 50 and you can't be bothered by that .

And then you go through something where it's like you know and you and that person wants to be a complete jerk about life . But then you go through something where it's like you know and that person wants to be a complete jerk about life .

But then you have someone and I've said this a hundred times If anybody has the right to be absolutely bitter and nasty and just downright gross , I would hands down .

No offense , say me , hands down , because if you look at the fact that I am learning how to live life all over again , one handed right , instead of being like , ok , I'm just going to give in and not care anymore , I will open a bottle , I can tie my own shoes , I do all my own grooming , right ? I mean , yeah , you have to learn how to do it .

It's just like journaling your way through a different path because you have to take it . You don't have a say in it . There are times I get so frustrated and I get clumsy , my balance is off . I get that . And then now it's like is it a joke , am I going to be equal ?

Because my left arm is missing and my right side will no longer have hearing or sound capability of any kind . So does that balance me out , you know ? And then I have this thing in my back my face is all metal . I have like 32 pieces of metal in my face .

So I mean it's just like when I go to a uh anywhere that I have to go through a metal detector . I'm like here , pick a card , any card , and it's all like she has all these metal bodies and stuff and I've never seen a more beautiful woman especially when your eyes are closed . But it's tough .

It is tough and then you think about well , why do some people act the way that they do ?

Like I heard that someone else that I know unfortunately has a child that I believe is on the very high end of the spectrum of autism See Autism and she yells at him all the time , and I was told that he's constantly threatened Like if you don't stop acting this way , I'm going to take away your car , I'm going to take away the phone , I'm going to take

away this . First of all , it's not in his control , right ? He is on the high end of autism and he can't have loud sounds and other things you have to take into consideration . It doesn't mean you can't live life . It just means you have to do things a little differently .

You know like our whole life has been revolved around doing things differently for Faith and myself , but I wouldn't give up our journey because we have met the most incredible people along the way . We've learned how to do new things that nobody else would ever know shoes one handed , or wash their hair my hair's down to my waist .

Wash shampoo , condition , brush , comb out your hair , you know , shave do all the stuff you have to do and do it one handed right . It's not easy . It's not easy , it's not .

You know the cook cooking and stirring a pot and at the same time trying to hold the pot while you're stirring and while you're holding it , you know , or carrying a very heavy cooking dish to the table .

There are things that are quite the challenge , especially because I'm weight limited on that arm , because what a lot of people also don't know is that my shoulder has been replaced in that arm . So I go big or go home , right , it's like all or nothing . So the shoulder's been replaced , I'm missing most of the arm , I have no hand and I'm weight limited .

But my prosthetic , my original prosthetic , weighed more than the weight I was allowed to carry and it's like , if anybody has the right to be nasty , downright hideous , I think it would be me , and that's not me trying to pat myself on the back . My husband will tell you I'm the furthest from that , but I get up every day .

Sometimes it's much harder than others . I'll get up with headaches that literally make me want to just stay in bed , but I get up every single day and then I think of these pieces of crap that have a child , a child who did not ask to come into this world and they're . They're in a hospital bed and all they want is love , unconditional love .

They don't want anything else . They're not asking about what kind of car . They don't care if you have a Lexus or a Yugo , right , they don't know the difference in them . They want unconditional love and acceptance for who they are . Because you're wanting them to accept you for being a prick .

But they're laying there and if you look down at your own child and they're laying in a hospital bed and all they want is your time and your love and you can't give them that . You don't deserve to have them around . You don't deserve . That child will love you unconditionally , unlike any other person in your life .

Faith has taught me love in a way that you there's this love and connection and bonding that we have and and bonding that we have and she teaches me new things every day .

But when you look at people who are like , oh , I got to go do this for myself , I got to go do that for myself , I got to do this , I got to do that , and they can't make time for what is amazing and loving that's right in front of you , then they're going to be very old and alone and miserable , and it might take 10 , 20 , 50 , 60 years , but that

that's karma .

It's like a coffin ready to go . I mean , you can't survive that . You got hit by a bunny rabbit crossing the road at the same time . That you got hit by a bunny rabbit crossing the road at the same time , right , I mean , there's just no way . And I want to take a moment and shout out to the law enforcement officers that stood fast for no king's day .

I've

watched a lot of it in different segments on the news . God bless you and your family . I'm just in awe of where our country is right now . It is heart-wrenching , heartbreaking . We all know our stance on the military and law enforcement , and then for law enforcement to have to come out and protect people from illegal people like this is what I don't get .

And I heard this from um , a very public person who talks all the time , and he had somebody come up and say how you know he doesn't think illegals are being treated correctly is what the the person said . And he's like he goes . Let me ask you his name's charlie . Um , last name starts's like he goes . Let me ask you his name's Charlie .

The last name starts with a K he goes . Let me ask you something he said if I went to Mexico this was his words he goes .

If I went to Mexico and I went into that country and I expected to make more money than the citizens of Mexico and I expected free health care and I expected this and this and this , and I came into your country illegally and after getting all of this and getting more than your own citizens make right , because illegals get a lot more , for the most part ,

from the government than our citizens do . I mean , look at a single mom who's on welfare and on food stamps and she's legitimate . I mean she's not milking the system , she is legitimately trying to survive for her kids . And then the guy goes and then I take the Hispanic flag and I just put it in a fire . He's like how would you feel ?

You know , when I've watched these videos and I saw people that took our American flag . I can't wait to hear my husband say oh , they said we do not script or rehearse or anything . This is off the cuff took the American flag and burned it , and it was so many times I saw it I would stop watching it when they threw it .

I couldn't watch it burn and then complain about how they're being treated in the United States but refuse to want to go back to Mexico . I don't understand the logic there .

Maybe my hearing thing is already affecting my brain , affecting my brain because how can you throw in the flag to a country that's taking you in , even if you crossed illegally , and then you want to complain that you're not getting enough , not getting enough , not getting enough , but then you refuse to want to , you know , go back to mexico .

I mean I don't understand that . Try to explain it to me , because I don't get it back to Mexico . I mean I don't understand that , try to explain it to me , because I don't get it .

But over here you've got honest . Well , I won't say honest , but you've got Americans just doing their job in protecting this country Out there on the streets . I was law enforcement for 13 and a half years . We're just doing a job . We're just trying to make ends meet for our family .

We're doing what we thought was a great idea at the time you know , and some still might . After about a year and a half , all that piss and vinegar got out of me and I learned to relax and it wasn't all about you know how many people can I arrest ? How many people can I get in a fight with ? Who am I going to shoot at today ?

It's not all about that .

to go back ? I don't know . Like I can't understand that and I'm not saying all , but you know , I mean hell . There's some bad americans , there's some phenomenal americans that are not getting justifiably recognized for all that they do . But in every orchard , in every phenomenal , there is , like , some really crappy individuals , and that's a given .

Hey , faith , everybody knows that . You know there are bad apples in the orchard and that's not all of them .

I would love to keep doing this , especially because during the summer , like the single moms have to work and then the kiddos could come in here and do these beautiful camp stucco squad fun activity games and lessons and things like that . So help us meet our goal of 10 this week . You know we're doing it little by little so they contagiouswildcom .

Yes , and then on the website , in the corner it says buy me a coffee . But you click on it and it's all about transformation and you can see it . It goes into detail about all of the scholarship offerings , because you never know , one day you might need it and we will not turn you away either . So , please , it's only you know you can . The minimum is $5 .

You can go as high as you want to , but think about it Offering just something , and you can do it anonymously , and if you want a shout out , we'll give you that too .

But we really want to be able to help pay it forward and give somebody some self-esteem boosting and some fun and laughter that people so desperately deserve , because every smile tells a story .