Healing Trauma Through Connection

out those awards they are very distinguishing , very .

I watched it one time at band camp when we were in the hospital , in the middle of the night I couldn't sleep and I was like what is the fuss ? And I said , oh , I get it , it's the cure . In the middle of the night I couldn't sleep and I was like what is the fuss ? And I said , oh , I get it , it's the cure for the insomniac .

Because , like , worst thing ever . I mean , everybody has their taste and that's why there's , you know , mint , chocolate chip and oreo , and I get it , but I don't get it . Like I don't see the hype about it , but that's all the time I'm giving the kardashians , so that's all well , I don't .

No , you just do that , so an individual president founder and ceo and I had this company . I wear the britches when I tell you to put them on . For 14 years prior to your arrival back into our lives , I still had this .

So an individual has shown interest in coming on our show and what's ironic about it was we had a discussion with per se individual that actually was like we could do a series , we could do this , we could do that and I literally if you could imagine a person with titanium jaws with their mouth on the floor huh , what ? Like ? I went to my husband .

It was like guess who wants to be on our show how did you go ? and I was like , guess who wants to be on our show ? And I guess I was the one that was totally like flabbergasted at this . But then I advised that every person who comes on has to sign a waiver and so sign and seal , delivered , I'm yours .

So , like the point is , is that it's going to happen ? I mean , I feel like we're not dangling enough of a carrot to really grab anybody's attention and make them realize .

we started changing everything up . No , no , no , no , no . Let's unplug some stuff . It wasn't we started , it was you started . Don't do that , because if it's doing perfectly , I don't want it to botch up the episode . You were doing all that . You're always pushing the buttons .

Yeah , and I did that on purpose , because we went out to eat with a certain someone and I wanted to show them hey , this is your daughter , this is what Look who just slipped up . Can you bleep that out ? Nope , yes , you can . I will not .

We've been no contact for years and years and years and this isn't the first time we've been no contact , like I went growing up like 10 years , which I know he'll mention that I went 10 years without speaking to him and then now this time around , it's been four , almost five years not speaking .

Now this time around it's been four , almost five years not speaking . And , yeah , so it might be quite an interesting show , to say the least .

Well , let me tell you , I'm half Yankee , I am a redhead . Shit got real quick and then , like he was live , this wasn't a recorded episode and like all these people were like who in the hell is this US woman , you know , coming in here ? And blah , blah , blah and everybody's like get him , get him , get him , get him . You know .

The mediator was just , you know , sitting there , bless his heart , and I saw him in the background just throw his hands up like forget it , just go , you know , and and okay , I'll take it was that keelan no , and you're thinking of keelan and keelan's here in the united states and he's awesome , and no , that's not keelan , my apologies , keelan

Okay , well , you can also go through our website I just said that that's an extra step , or you can just go this way and be right there , and it gives you an option to explore and tell about all these collections we have .

out again and it's hot as molasses in here . Seriously not okay .

because we were asked this question tonight actually I was going to say that . Paige .

advocacy that in the academy as well . I can tell you that from someone who lived on a floor in the bathroom because I wasn't allowed to have an ice pack , when I had a shattered face , broken nose , dislocated shoulder , broken eye , socket , stab wounds , concussions .

I could go through this all day Broken finger , broken hand , broken foot , broken toes , dislocated knee , you name it and feel like you're alone . It is so ungodly frightening to do that and feel like I'm going to die here and then sometimes you honest to God wish you would so that it would stop and you don't have to go through it anymore .

And you have no one in your corner . You have no support . You have no one that can even listen to reach out a hand and say I know you feel like you're in the dark , but I'm here and you're not alone . And I didn't have that . I had no one .

Even if you could put earbuds in your ear and cover your hair , cover your ears with your hair and listen to us when things are bad , ear in one ear , bud in , and just listen and realize that even one or two nuggets from every podcast or however you get to hear from us , let you know the authenticity of us , that we are real and genuine .

I mean , my husband will tell you I get texts and DMs and emails and you name it at . We've had them at one o'clock in the morning , We've had them at one o'clock in the morning , We've had them at four o'clock in the morning , 11 o'clock at night . And I stop what I'm doing and I immediately start working with these individuals .

And it's because I've been that one o'clock in the morning , I've been that four o'clock in the morning and this could be the only opportunity this individual has that that piece of crap is asleep and their children are finally sleeping . And so this is the time you have to really think and wonder how do I get out ? What do I do ?

How do I save my children ? How do I save myself ? And so many people go into this mindset that I went into this mindset that I will never get any better , I'll never deserve any better . Because you hear it every single day . When you hear , like when I hear my husband tell me I love you , I know he means it .

When you hear someone tell you every single day you're disgusting and you're ugly and nobody's ever going to want you and you're , you're gross and and you know you should be so proud of me because I downgrade in my opinion and values to be with someone so hideous as you believe it you believe it every single day and that's not life and that's not living and

that's not surviving that . That is being isolated .

The way I say in the best description I could give , is being like a chronic asthmatic in a room of chain smokers with no windows and no doors , because you are gasping just to get the next breath , because you don't know when it's coming right , like I literally used to get woken up in the middle of the night with this piece of crap straddling over me ,

beating me in the face to say , hey , witch , and not with a w , get your fat ass up and get me something to drink . I'm thirsty , go get me some water . And he had just come in from having intercourse with whichever child

girl or whomever he was with at that moment and I only said no once . And that's a whole different story . But I want women to know that they're not like I was alone , that you're not .

I mean , even if you're sitting in a vehicle and you're it , I have to say it because it's not a man is driving and you put an earbud in on the right side next to the passenger seat and your hair is covering it and you just darken the phone and you can listen and hear support and hear someone saying I see you , I hear you , you matter , you're valued ,

you're loved , your children love you , your children see you and you're not alone and that helps you just get over that one minute . You know so many people are like well , if he kills me , I won't suffer anymore , that's easy for you because you don't have to deal with it . What about your kids ?

The children that will only hear what that crap head says about you and he will just turn your death on you 18 ways wrong . And those kids are always going to say my mom left , she didn't love me , she left me . What a cowardly way out , right she ?

abandoned us , she abandoned us and now we're stuck with this person who's abusing us and doing God knows what to us . So , no , I want people to know . So that is why we do what we do .

You know , when I see people putting posts out there that say you saved my life , like , and a lot of it , we get in emails and DMs because I tell everybody don't put posts out there unless you're prepared to be seen , because you can be found by posting .

So when I get comments like you know , I was really in a dark place , like one of my speaking engagements that I did in person somebody came up to me afterwards and said my book who Kicked First saved their life , and I was like then it was worth everything I did . That's right For you . You were the reason .

If I never hear another thing , it was worth it , right .

And when you're sitting in a hospital bed in a wheelchair and your leg is up because you have a blood clot and they've talked about amputating your leg , I would have been like a one half side person now and you go through everything you go through you just want someone to say I'm here , you're not by yourself .

And even if it's for five minutes or 20 minutes or if you listen to one of our episodes 60 minutes , whatever the case may be just to know that you're always on high alert , just like a police officer . You don't know what you're going into when you go to a call .

You might get a call that there's an officer in distress , or you might get a call that you're going into a domestic violence , which is the most dangerous call for an officer to respond to . You're on high alert . You go in there with your adrenaline pumped , ready to go .

Well , when you're going through this , you're always at that level because you don't know what's next . You know , I had this situation where if he saw blood and he stormed out and he returned and not all of blood was cleaned up , it was round two because it would be a reminder and it was a trigger .

So I had to , like , deal with whatever injury as well as clean up the aftermath of whatever had transpired so that this didn't happen again , you know . And then I slowly did things Like I got rid of my metal hairbrush because he whacked the ever-loving dog crap out of my face with it and dislocated my jaw .

So I went and got a softer hairbrush and I used the excuse . I tried to even get the same color . But I used the excuse that because of my pregnancy , the sensitivity in my scalp , because I wasn't going to say well , because you gave me secondary concussion syndrome and I can't heal from one concussion before the next . My head hurts .

To touch the back of my skull , I just use the excuse that the pregnancy made my scalp more tender because you never want to feed that hungry , vicious dog . That's just looking at you like you are their biting ground . And that's exactly what it is .

They look at you like you are their playground to assault and beat and whatever they want to do , because they own you and that's how they think . That's their mentality and it's not . And you know what . I say this constantly . I hear it constantly . Well , he had a bad childhood . You know what ?

If you've never walked in our shoes as someone who has gone through any type of abuse , please don't speculate and tell us , because you know what . If you're a cancer survivor , my hat is off to you . But I am not going to pretend for one second to know what that's like , because I haven't had cancer , by the grace of God .

So I'm not going to say , hey , I know what it's like for that reason . I know what it's like to go through chemo and radiation . I don't . So I'm never going to portray myself as that . So if you haven't gone through abuse , please don't , and I'm saying that with all the heart and love I can .

Please don't try to do that to someone else , because it's not , and both my husband and I have been through trauma , but we broke the cycle . We don't do that to each other , we don't do it to our daughter , we just aren't that way at all and it makes a huge difference .

So when people say , well , it's because he had a bad childhood , no , I'm sorry , that is a cop-out . That is an absolute ridiculous excuse . And for the people I actually just created a course . Everything in me said , okay , I've got to create a course for the individuals who do not think that what they do is wrong .

They think that they are made to do these things right . And so it's in our , it's in our Valor Circle collection .

And you go in there and let's say , you go to anger management and let's just say that we're going to say , because men and women both get abused , but we're going to use the example , excuse me , we're going to use the example that it's a male and he goes in there and let's say he sits down with a female counselor , right off the bat , he's on a power

trip , he's on a control , he's not going to listen to a doggone thing . This woman is saying he is going to just be like whatever . Well , this collection allows him to sit down , shut the door , he can check his ego , he can keep it with him and it really holds them accountable for their actions . I mean , you've seen the course .

What are your thoughts about it ?

But it costs a lot of money to run this every month and we're trying just to hopefully break even because we've been funding this out of our own pocket from day one .

But what I'm trying to say is , at the end of the day , a person who hurts a woman eventually is going to hurt their children , eventually is going to hurt their pets and then their children see the cycle and then they see as a man , as a boy , that's how you treat a woman , right , or that's how I treat my partner and a girl is going to see that's how

I'm supposed to be treated right by my partner , because that's how my mom they'll fall into the trap of getting the same type of men right and they go in for the same thing . Here's my my thing .

If you are an individual , which I guarantee they're not listening to our show , but if , for some ungodly reason I mean you know the clock is right twice a day , if the batteries are out of it , then my message to you is I know you have an ego , I know you think that you know you're everything and everybody owes you everything .

And for you to come up with some crap ass excuse like see what you made me do . Why did you make me do this to you ? You are not a man . Let me say it again , just in case . You had your head in your ass and you weren't listening . You are not a man , you're a coward . Your ass and you weren't listening . You are not a man .

You're a coward Because even my ex made a statement in court that he knew because of my martial art background . He openly stated that he would have never hit me if I wasn't pregnant because he knew it would have been one and done Like I would never hit first . That's one of the very first things you learn in any kind of martial art training .

It's defense de-escalation . But had he put his hands on me and I wasn't pregnant , we wouldn't be here today . We wouldn't be here today . And so , for the people who wait for those moments because they feel like we are the weaker sex , let me tell you something , you worthless coward . I have over a hundred surgeries .

I've had well over a couple of hundred scars . Easy to say , easy to say . I have a couple of hundred scars and they're not like little millimeter scars . I'm talking from my wrist , up my forearm , up my upper arm , down my back all one scar . And I'm here to tell you , up my forearm , up my upper arm , down my back , all one scar .

And I'm here to tell you those are not your success stories , those are your failures . Those are your failures Not just on me but on anybody that you think that you are just this badass billy boy who can go over there and show your man card to your women , to your children , to your partner .

You know , whatever the case may be , if you think it's okay to put your hands on someone in an unwarranted manner , you're a piece of shit . And I'm here to say it . I don't care . Like you know , I say it all the time . People like well , aren't you worried he might come back ? I have 11 cameras on my property that record 24-7 .

I have a plethora of dogs . I have an amazing ability to protect and defend my family and I have my husband who is like I don't even want to .

He's a pretty good shot , I'm just going to say , but he is amazing and he's very protective of his family and I tell people that all the time because I've always asked aren't you afraid that he'll come back around ? Well , 11 cameras , multiple , multiple dogs , alarm systems and it's not because of paranoia , it's because we help survivors of abuse .

They come here and get things we help . They come here and get things . We help them . They come here and get things that we've gathered for them . We have people come here and bring donations for them , and so their security is number one . You know we've had kids here that were abused , that we helped here while we were putting them .

You know in the right places and where they needed to be while we were putting them . You know in the right places and where they needed to be . So , with that being said , it's imperative that the one thing they don't need to worry about is their security while they're here .

They need to know they're safe , and that's really important because when you go from being in a house because it is not a home and your partner the person that you expected to be your partner ends up being your bully , you need to know you're safe and that's why we do what we do . And he's looking at me like Take a sip .

So get on there and , uh , jump on a course , jump in one of those classes , whether it's free or or whether you know , you shell out a couple of bucks for it , but , um , you know , see what she's done , see what she's talking about , and tell me if you can relate to that . You know she's wrote amazing stuff .

Now , this woman has not y'all has not been in the military . But I tell you what she hit the nail on the head .

what I did was I took the trauma that I went through and I just changed the geographic of graphic of it , right , and so that's kind of it , like you can be in law enforcement , but you could also be a cop , you could be a sheriff , you could be a united states marshal , you could be all sorts of other .

You know fbi , you could be all these different organizations , but at the end of the day , you're still in law enforcement , right . So it's kind of like that's the car , but what's the destination . So I really wanted to make sure that I did it justice .

So , before it was released , my amazing husband has been looking at him and then jj from ripple retreat has joined with us , um , and he has an amazing story and he's been doing amazing things and he actually has a retreat for vets that he'll be opening and he has been doing every one of the courses and he's and you know he was a retired major one hell of

a story , seriously , and uh , he has gone through and has told me that they're spot on , and and that means a lot , because I told him , as well as my husband , that if one tiny iota was out of place . Tell me and I will fix it before it launches , because I don't want to do an injustice .

And there are a lot of really great classes for veterans too , like recognizing that just because you no longer put on the uniform doesn't mean you're not honored , it doesn't mean you're not served right , and there's a lot of courses like that too . It's not just this yes .

My husband will be laying there and he'll be like I love , and it's not just once in a while , it is every single night like Faith and I will be like you know . She'll come in to tell me goodnight and I'll say alright , ready , and she'll go 5 , 4 , 3,'s gone and it you're asleep that fast .

every single solitary night I have a medical condition no , you don't no , I'm old no I'm a guy okay , I'll give you that , I'll give you that , I'll give you that one .

No , okay , okay , uh , snail no , who wants to eat snot ? You eat oyster . Oysters are different .

They boiled it yeah , I don't know what that is boiled okay I'll ask alex what that word is you mean no okay so that is so nasty we thank y'all for listening to us ramble redneck and redhead , please get on the website . Go to our mighty networks . Okay , dot mmco . It sounded like you said mm . Mm .