009 I AM Enough (You're Not Broken & There's Nothing Wrong With You)

A journey into the topics that matter to you most, from the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth to groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth and relationships, to open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture and democracy.

Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real, lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity and doom and gloom, so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy and the potential you have inside, you're in the right place. Welcome to a Changed Mind. Hey, it's David.

Welcome back to a Changed Mind. I'm so excited to be here with you today. I am really looking forward to tackling this issue, this misconception that has become a thorn in our side, a stone in our shoes, this idea that there is something wrong with us and that we are somehow broken.

I don't know about you, but I've spent far too much time in my life with that inner chatter, that voice in my head telling me that there's something wrong with me, comparing myself to other people, feeling like I'm not good enough. And on today's episode, we're going to dive deep into that misunderstanding so that we can see the truth. And this is part of what I want to create for you here each and every episode a sanctuary for the human spirit. I love the fact that we can be here together.

And, man, we've been on a tear of some pretty amazing episodes going through money, going through anxiety, going through how thoughts become things. A fantastic episode, an interview with my lovely wife, the Carol Gutierrez Bayer, who has been a co-creative partner of mine in this journey. If this is your first episode, welcome. If you've listened to some other episodes, get ready for another good one and do me a favor if you're listening on the podcast, no matter what platform you're on.

Please, please, please, give us a review. Leave a comment, if you can. I read all of them. If you're joining us on YouTube, subscribe to the channel. Leave me a comment. I want to know what you think about these episodes and what other topics you want me to cover, as well as questions you have about the themes that we discuss.

And, as I mentioned, today, we're going to be discussing this heart-aching, gut-wrenching idea that we have that we are not good enough or that there is something wrong with us, and I want to start off by saying because I don't even enjoy starting out one of our episodes with this type of energy that you are absolutely, 100%, exactly who you need to be and where you need to be right now.

There is nothing wrong with you, and what we're going to be diving into is this idea that the mind, which gives a meaning to every experience your mind will even have thoughts about the thoughts that you have has a slant towards survival, and so there's constant judgment, there's a hypervigilant scanning of yourself and your life around you, and it materializes or manifests in the form of this idea that we're missing something, and you're not missing anything at all.

In fact, you're going to see this theme that we talked about in episode three, where there really are no problems. There is nothing that you need to figure out or become in order to do more, be more, feel more. It's really just about identifying what I would call the unintelligent ideas, the resistance, the limiting beliefs, and eliminating them, letting them go, transferring them using the tools and technologies that we share on these episodes and in our coaching programs.

And so we're going to get into this topic.

And it really came up for me when I was having a recent enrollment conversation into my private mentorship program with someone I spoke at an event and there were a number of people who were interested in seeing how they could get into our programs and handful them, wanted to work directly with me. And this individual said hey, listen, you know what? I need your help and I'm going to need your best coach because I'm really broken. And I was like what do you mean by you're really broken?

And he's like well, I just, I know I'm carrying a lot of baggage. There's so much I need to heal, there's so much I'm not aware of, there's so much I need to do. And I stopped him and said Listen, like what if there wasn't so much you needed to do? What if this was just an idea that you have, that somehow you're far away from your wholeness, but you're really not. In episode number five I believe it was when I spoke about anxiety, I talked about how anxiety is actually a healing mechanism.

Right, anxiety is a process of alleviating ourselves of dissonant energy, and we've learned to want to kill anxiety or suppress anxiety, and that that makes no sense when you understand that anxiety is the body's response to overload, similar to a fever, and so when we have a fever, we allow the fever to take place. There's this immunological response and we allow it. And I was like, what if you could just allow yourself to be in the space you're in right now, rather than resisting it?

What if you could just realize that you're in a healing process, that there's another level of self-awareness that you have now. You're now aware of Of the things that you think or the things that you feel that don't feel right. You're aware of different aspects of your life that you want to change and, rather than allowing your mind to direct its focus inward in self-judgment, what if you could just allow it? And so that's what we're going to be talking about today.

Again, there's there's no real magic to this. There's no hustle and grind. There's just approaching the experience that you're having of yourself, in this case, that you're somehow not good enough or that you're broken. Through a new lens, and oftentimes you'll see this same solution. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling through a different perspective.

Allow your thoughts to occur, knowing that actually what's happening is a deeper level of self-awareness that you have in your life and a deeper level of external awareness, and that the mind is always going to try to tell you that you're not doing enough, that you need to do more, that there's something wrong with you. And I start out by sharing my own story around this Pre-personal development.

Pre my 12 step recovery 20 years ago, I was a quote unquote successful entrepreneur, running investor, backed technology companies, always feeling like there was something wrong with me and that I was broken. And at the early stages of my story I just shut that voice down by saying well, I'll just go achieve more.

If I can actually go do more, achieve more, succeed more, make more money, build bigger businesses, have more girlfriends, drive more fancy cars, whatever it looks like then I'll get to a point where I can justify this idea that there's nothing wrong with me, I'm successful, I'm good enough, but, as I learned very quickly, new level, new devil right.

Every time you get to some new level of success, if you're utilizing that as evidence for your own self love, you're always gonna find other people who have more, and so you end up getting entangled with this more monster and it burns you out. Or you may be different than I was and you're like hey, dave, I haven't had the level of success that you created in your businesses and, by the way, I had two businesses that went bankrupt.

I was paying myself an average salary, and one of them it sounds a lot fancier than it actually was and you're saying like, look, I feel anxious on a daily basis, or I'm depressed, or I'm having a hard time making ends meet, paying my bills, I'm struggling with a health challenge, I've been alone and I wanna have a partner, and so there's a lot that's missing in my life.

And what I'm trying to express to you is that there may be things that you wanna change, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. There was a lot that I wanted to change in my life way back then, but I was interpreting it as there was something wrong with me and the challenge with believing that you're somehow broken and let's just stop for a second like what does that even mean? What do you mean broken?

You're not broken, right, you function as a human being, as a member of this species. It's good to question some of these concepts Like what do we mean by broken?

Okay, well, like, there are changes that I've been wanting to make, that I've been having some challenges making. Okay, well, that doesn't mean broken. Well, what does broken mean? Well, broken means that I've been in a prolonged emotional state that doesn't feel good. Okay, but that's a prolonged emotional state that doesn't feel good. That doesn't mean you're broken. Like, I've gone through both of those things. Well, you know, I haven't been able to hold down a relationship or a job.

There's something wrong with me, no, no, no, that just means that you haven't yet figured out what you need to do, or to be in a job that is in alignment with you, or to attract a relationship. There's nothing wrong with you. And the problem with believing that there's something wrong with us is that your brain is a goal achieving machine. You know, we've talked about this before.

What you believe is what you think on a moment by moment basis and you start to find evidence for the belief that you have. And so if you believe that there's something wrong with you or that you're broken, essentially, you're gonna pay attention to all the evidence that supports that belief and you're gonna ignore everything that you're doing well that indicates that you're not broken the fact that you got up today, you brushed your teeth.

Maybe you made your bed that's something I learned more recently under the tutelage of my wife. Right, you breathed today. Maybe you ate something. Right, there's nothing wrong with you. But if you believe that there's something wrong with you, you're gonna just start to notice all of the evidence that supports it and you're gonna ignore all of the evidence that is counter positioned to that.

And so then you're gonna have thoughts and perceptions that you're broken or you're doing something wrong or you're not good enough. And then you're gonna feel these emotions that aren't conducive to creating change in your life stress, depression, anxiety, whatever it is you think. You then experience that thought as an emotion and then your emotions determine what action you do or do not take.

So you end up being in a place of lethargy, you end up being in a place of inaction, you end up being in a place of not taking care of yourself, and so then you get results, and those results just reinforce the belief. See, I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. I don't know how to do it right. So let's reorient ourselves to this unhealthy loop that we get into and let's really take a look at what's going on in your life right now.

And again, I don't know what's going on in your life right now at a specific level, right? I don't know if you're having relationship challenges. I don't know if you're feeling depressed. I don't know if you're in drug or alcohol or pornography abuse, or if you're feeling or being codependent.

I don't know if you've got a job that you don't love, but wherever you are, this experience that you're having right now of noticing that there are some things that you want to change is really to be celebrated. What's true is number one you're more self-aware than you used to be. You're getting more and more aware of what you want and what you don't want, and that's the first step, isn't it?

Before you can create any type of change in your life, you have to be aware of the change that you want to create, and I don't know why, but the way this reality has unfolded the way higher power, infinite intelligence, god, jesus, allah, structured this whole thing. The force, the universe, is that we experience what we don't like and that helps us get clear on what we do like.

And so I want you to think about these things in your life that you're using as evidence to support this false idea that there's something wrong with you, because what you'll find is whatever it is. Even in my case, in the depth of my addiction, abusing pornography on a daily basis, being in unhealthy relationships, being addicted to drugs, abusing alcohol, being depressed, feeling anxiety without giving that a meaning all that really is is experiences I had.

That helped me get clear on the life that I do want. I don't want to feel anxious, I want to feel calm. I don't want to feel depressed. I'd like to have more happiness in my life. I don't want to be compulsively addicted to substances. I want to be connected to spirit and to other people and having the freedom to make choice in my life and to pursue my passions. So everything that's going on in your life right now is not an indicator that there's something wrong with you.

That's what the mind is trying to convince you of. The mind believes that this is the way to motivate you to change, but clearly it's not right, because it just continues to make you feel worse and worse and worse and perpetuate these experiences that you don't prefer. But your higher self, you aware that your mind is doing this you can now know that all that's happening is you're in this journey of your life, the hero's journey. You're having all kinds of experiences.

You're going through a chapter, maybe it's been an entire book, maybe it's been a series, right, maybe it's been a while of experiencing things that you don't like, but that is the process by which we get clear on the opposite, what we do want right. So what we're trying to establish in this conversation is that this belief that there's something wrong with you or that you're broken is false, so that you can let it go.

What I'm wanting to encourage you to see is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're in a normal developmental process.

Sometimes it takes months or years or decades, and there's an opportunity for you to retire the meaning that you're giving to this experience that there's something wrong with you or you're not doing enough or you're broken and give a new meaning, which is, I'm now clear, or more than ever on the things that I've been experiencing, that I don't like, that I don't prefer, and that is helping me get clear, or more than ever before, on what I do want.

Right, and so you're in this beautiful process of change and the only challenge is that the mind is giving it a meaning that's not true. So you're growing in your awareness, you're growing in your preference, and this starts to build momentum in that direction, if you allow it to.

But what prevents that momentum is by buying into this mental imagination or idea that there's something wrong with you that stops the momentum that I'm going to continue explaining to you and keeps you sort of stuck at the starting point. Okay, so that's number one. You're growing in your awareness. You're clear, now more than ever before, about what you don't want and therefore what you do want. Good on you In there. There ain't anything about you not being good enough or being broken.

Number two what you're experiencing right now very much what I like, what I talked about in in episode five, the anxiety episode is a healing process. So a lot of these thoughts and these emotions have been buried deep inside of you. They were trauma that we all experienced, all of us, when we were children. They were misunderstandings, misbeliefs.

That life needs to be hard, that you have to work hard to make money, that there's not enough time, that we need to please other people if we're gonna be loved by others. All of these core beliefs have accumulated an energy and attention in your system, and so this is all coming out in the form of thoughts and emotions. No one ever really explains that to us. No one ever says hey, you know, these negative thoughts that you're having are actually a healing process. Just allow them.

You don't have to buy into them, right. Buy into the idea that you're now closer, now more than ever before, to changing your life. These emotions that you're having there's nothing wrong with you that you're feeling emotions that we would call depressed or anxious, or stressed or angry, or overwhelmed, or bored or lonely no, no, no. Those are emotions that have been in you a long, long time.

They're probably emotional habits you adopted at some level from your parents, and you know now we have these external pressures that we didn't have 20, 30, 40 years ago.

Right, you've got all of this information coming in through social media and digital connectivity, and so it can feel overwhelming, and so the key is to disconnect from those things that are causing us overwhelm and allow the overwhelm to pass, allow the fever to break, allow the immunological response to take place in your body.

So we're not trying to get away from any of these thoughts or emotions, but we're experiencing them differently, not giving them a meaning that there's something wrong with you because you have these thoughts and emotions, but saying, hey, I am aware that this is in me and I'm going to allow these thoughts and emotions to be released from me. That's what your body's trying to do.

And as you no longer resist these thoughts and emotions because of the misperception that you're broken and there's something wrong with you, what happens over time is that those patterns or habits of thought and emotion less and less and less and less. And as you allow them, rather than trying to resist them because you think that they're part of the problem, you can start to become more thoughtful about them.

You can evaluate them, you can take a look at some of these thoughts and ideas and question them, and what you'll often find is that when you, for example, journal out the thoughts that you're thinking and the emotions that you're having, you have an ability to reprocess them through a more intelligent lens, through a lens that basically says oh you know, I don't. I don't know that that's true, that I don't do anything right?

I mean, here's a long list of things that I do do, right, I don't know that that's true. That nobody likes me, right? When I'm in the Starbucks line and I get to the front, the barista seems pretty friendly with me. Oh well, but that's just her job or his job. No, I think by default, we all pretty much like each other. There's probably a handful of instances that you may have interpreted like I did, where someone didn't like me and now we've sort of generalized that as to nobody likes me.

So when you realize that there's nothing wrong with you, right, that you're in a process of growing in self-awareness, that these thoughts and emotions that you're having are normal, you can now have some space because you're no longer trying to destroy them in order to be good enough or have nothing wrong with you, and now you can start to question these thoughts, right? One of the deepest philosophical encouragements was over the temple of Adelphi that said no thyself, right?

We can't know ourselves if we're trying to stop the emotions and thoughts we're having, which are just part of our healing process. So that's number two. Just know that the way that you're feeling and the way that you're thinking totally normal I mean.

I went through decades of this and this eased up significantly when I stopped resisting it right, when I got into my spiritual practice, when I started doing the work that we've been doing together and understanding the concepts that I'm sharing with you over the course of these episodes. Right, this is how you transition into allowing whole human healing, returning to your whole self. And that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you right now. There isn't.

You're just in a process of healing the traumas, the hurts, the limiting beliefs that were formed at a very early age, and you didn't do anything wrong. It's just also required in order to unlock your strength, your courage, your compassion, your spiritual vision, your purpose, those quote unquote wounds that we adopted from our parents or from other people. Those are the seeds of our strength.

And so this is the journey that any person who ever achieves their full potential or experiences extraordinary joy or abundance or happiness or connection or influence goes through. We take the compressed experiences of our childhood and we learn how to unlock and allow them, but there isn't anything you got to go, be or do outside, external to you.

All your power is inside of you, and what we're talking about today is how to unlock one aspect of this energetic strength inside of you, and that is to talk about how we can reorient ourselves or transform this idea of there's something wrong with you or you're broken because there isn't anything wrong with you and there's nothing to fix. You're just in a process of expansion that feels uncomfortable and that no one ever really educated us on. So, number one, what's going on?

Right now? You're more self aware than ever before, but there's this misinterpretation created by the mind that's telling you you're doing something wrong, that you're not as far along as you should be, that you need to be doing more, that you're broken, that there's something wrong with you. And it's not true. What's true is your, and that's why it doesn't feel good.

What's true is you're getting even clearer on what you don't want, so that you can begin forming an extraordinary vision of the life that you have, because the future of your life is going to be created through this vision and this imagination. So you have an opportunity to unlock vision. And number two you're healing these thoughts, these emotions. They don't mean there's something wrong with you, either right when your life is externally right now, there's nothing wrong with you.

You're just learning what you prefer, and what's happening inside of you is not an indicator that there's something wrong with you. We all have these thoughts and emotions at different levels of intensity, and I've experienced them personally in very intense levels. That's why I share my story with you, and now, having coached over a thousand people through our programs, close to 10,000 people, maybe more, through our live and virtual events, I can tell you everybody's wired the same way.

It's just that we don't have the vulnerability to be communicating this way to each other, and so we all begin to isolate, thinking we're the only one right and you're not. Everybody's going through this, but most people don't understand what this is right.

It's a healing process, it's a growth process, it's an awareness process, and the more that you can just allow it by knowing that this is what's going on, the more rapid your ability to let go of these things and to support their transformation into the vision that will continue to grow and unfold.

I spoke a moment ago about this idea of what I was going through, this idea of the separation that we all have right that we think we're the only ones that are going through this and therefore there's something wrong with us. And what really catalyzes that is our ability to compare. Comparing is not a problem, right. Our ability to compare is built into just sort of the natural evaluation and process that we go throughout life, right, like we compare two things.

Comparing can be really really useful as well. When I'm kind of looking at my business and I'm looking at someone else's business and I'm looking at the differences between the businesses, or my book and someone else's book, or my relationship and someone else's relationship, but I'm evaluating right, I'm evaluating what I like about what someone else has been able to create, and then I'm an inquiry about well, how can I create that in my own life?

But we've ended up with this distortion around comparing. It's no longer useful. We're actually looking at other people's lives to justify this false idea that we have this mental ideation that there's something wrong with us and that we're not good enough. And there's two things here. Number one you're on your own journey. You know. I don't know what spirit has planned for you, but I know that you and spirit were in agreement before you incarnated on this planet that you were going to come.

You were going to learn some things. You were going to go through some compressions, what we might call challenges. You were going to be born to specific people who were going to pre-program you and set you up for the transformation of those programs into an extraordinary life. That's what I know. Every single person is given that possibility and that opportunity.

I think that's why we're here on earth in this physical reality, and so I don't know what your potential looks like, but I know it's amazing and it's unique to you. There are no two people on this planet who are set up for the same experience. The mistake we make is we look at what someone else's experience is and we think that should be our experience, and everybody's on a different timeline.

Everybody's going through and transforming or metabolizing, translating different challenges, and so we're not well served by looking at someone else's journey to try to give context or define where we are in ours. It doesn't make any sense, but we do it right and that's why I want you to understand that you're unique and whatever you're going through right now, it's the setup for whatever your greatness is gonna look like.

And, again, a big piece of this is us transforming, letting go of this idea that anything occurring right now is indicative of there being something wrong, or you being broken or something wrong with you. You're just healing, you're becoming more self aware, you're becoming more clear on your preferences.

And the other reason why comparing doesn't serve us is because most of the time, what we see is some superficial, not full story example of someone's life, and a lot of other people out there are doing what maybe you're doing certainly what I did which is pretending, pretending what my life feels like or is like, in order to put on a show out of fear that if I don't, others won't love me and that people will discover again, going back to this core idea that there's something wrong with me and that I'm broken.

So we can see the insanity of this dance that we play. Right, exacerbated by social media. You got a whole bunch of people who think there's something wrong with them, who are building up their lives as false idols and presenting that to other people so that they can win other people's love, so that they can then justify that there's nothing wrong with themselves. Like all this energy and activity to address something that was never really true in the first place.

Right, this is part of the explanation of why the world looks so crazy right now. But you don't have to live in the craziness, and it starts by acknowledging and realizing that there's nothing wrong with you. I'm telling you right now I don't know your story, I don't know who you are. I know there's nothing wrong with you Because I know there's nothing you can do to be wrong. You're just learning throughout the course of your life.

Carol and I have been blessed with Gabriel, who just turned one. Like does he do anything that's wrong? No, he tries things, some things he tries. He's not successful at the outcome. I wouldn't even call it a mistake, right? He's learning how to function as a human being and I don't care if you're 20 or 30 or 50 or 70, you're always learning and nobody ever taught you or taught me or taught us how to actually become a whole human being.

We come down through this lineage generations of misunderstanding and dysfunction, and that's what compels us to operate in dysfunctional ways in our lives. Now note I said dysfunctional. It's not functional in the way that it could be, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. That doesn't mean that you're broken, and it doesn't mean that you have more to fix than anybody else.

Trust me, I've spoken to a lot of people and I've gone through my own process. Right, you ain't the best, you ain't the worst in terms of the stuff that you may wanna be working through in your life, or the volume of thoughts you have, or the measure of the emotions that don't feel good, or where you are in your bank account. Right, you're doing just fine and from where you are right now, you can build anything. The way that we do that is to drop the resistance.

Let go of this idea that there's anything wrong with you. Would you like to have more financial prosperity? Sure, is there anything wrong with you? No. Would you like to have increased experience of your health? Yes, is there anything wrong with you? No, do you have a lot of thoughts that you can't control and they create a lot of emotions that don't feel good? Yes, does that mean there's anything wrong with you? No. Are you experiencing addiction or anxiety or depression?

Yes, does that mean there's anything wrong with you? No. Are you trying to grow your business, and it's been five years and it feels like you're not making a lot of progress? Yes, does that mean there's anything wrong with you? No. Would you like to have a soulmate? You've had a hard time attracting someone that you're really passionate about yes. Does that mean there's something wrong with you?

No. Do you have a relationship where you don't have the connection, the passion, the communication that you'd like? Yes, something wrong with you no. Years ago did you make mistakes, big ones? Yes, something wrong with you? No. It's a learning process and you have to realize you're good enough. You're so loved by life, by the universe, by me, by people around you who don't even know you, who see you as a human being in a more holistic way than you see yourself.

You don't need to do anything to impress us. You don't have to do anything to be more loved other than be available for the love that's already there.

Be available to impress yourself and you open up that availability when we stop buying into this idea, which is just part of this ancient primal nervous system, that then materializes as thoughts that we experience inside of our head and then experiences emotions inside of our body that you're not good enough, or that you're not doing enough, or that there's something wrong with you or that you're broken. None of it was ever true, but you can make it true for yourself.

You can slow down your momentum by continuing to buy into it. The good news is is you don't have to be perfect about any of this. You can still have days where you feel like you're not good enough, but life loves you so much that it'll carry you to your vision anyway. I didn't create the life that I have now because I had a perfect mindset, because every single day, I have self-love and self-esteem. No, not even close.

But just a small change in the way that you think can produce dramatic shifts in your experience of life and your manifestation of life. And so this is my wish for you, and I'll say it for you if you have a little bit of resistance right now, you're doing an amazing job. You are absolutely good enough. There's nothing that we could take away or add to you to make you even better or even more. You were whole when you came into this world, and you're whole now.

This is all just a process of you remembering, realizing that there's nothing wrong with you, and letting go of those ideas that you picked up along the way that simply don't serve you well, that have the capacity to alter your experience of reality so that it seems like they're true, but they aren't. And if you're willing to let it go, everything can and will change. That is my promise to you Baby steps, one day at a time. Catch yourself judging yourself. Let it go.

Catch yourself saying there's something wrong with you. Let it go In the space. When you have it, remind yourself there's nothing wrong with you.

You're doing great, and only extraordinary things are ahead for you. I love you so much. Thank you for being here for this wonderful reminder for myself, because I need it every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. So stay connected, stay in this work, stay in fellowship with others who are doing this work too. There isn't anything else you really need to do. You're good, you're whole and I love you. I'll see you in the next episode.

The framework that have helped tens of thousands of people established a change mind. Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.