Hey, I do Part two. It's your mentor Kathy Schwartz from The Golden Bachelor and the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour Golden Hour. Today, I've got an amazing guest from Bachelor Nation, former Bachelorette now in her chapter two, Ashley A Bear. So, actually, you were first a contestant on Brad Womack season, and Brad lives in Austin like I do, so there's that connection.
And then you went on to star in The Bachelorette for our audience, you know who may not know, tell them how it all turned out for you, your season as a bachelorette.
Goodness. Yeah, it's a long story. I would say overall, it was a very successful part of my life, even though it didn't turn out in you know, a marriage. We were married for ten years. But I feel like, even though we didn't stay married, like what came of being on the show and our relationship is like such a beautiful thing and such an important part of my
life and his life and our lives together. And even though we're not, you know, even though we're not in love, we still have a great relationship and I feel like we've created two like amazing human beings. And we just live a very happy, fruitful life. So I feel like, you know, a lot of good things came out. I know a lot of people say, oh, it wasn't a success,
it wasn't a true success story. But to us, it's like a real success because our lives are forever, you know, we're blessed by all of the things that the show brought to us. So I think it's a real success.
Well, I'm glad to hear that. I would say it's a real success. I mean, you, how many contestants act actually marry the guy that they get engaged to. So the fact that you and JP did get married and had these two great kids and built a life for ten years, I mean that's really the building blocks of a good, happy life. So I'm with you. It's a success. It is, thank you.
I agree with you.
What was it like though, I'm curious being on the Golden Bachelor, I didn't get the guy, thankfully, But when you meet the guy, when you and JP are in the bubble and you're together, uh huh, what's it like then? What was it like then to transition into building that marriage, that relationship off camera?
Honestly, I feel like JP and I are very whether cameras are on or off. I feel like it's hard for us to not be our authentic selves, and I think that was We're similar in that way, So I don't think it was a huge difference from going on camera to off camera in terms of who we were.
We were still the same people. Definitely. Of course, a lot of you know, adjustments with your life changes, right like you're in the spotlight, and I think in a way it's great at first, but then you know when you start going through issues, like there's different challenges that you that you maybe deal with it differently because you're in the public eye. So yes, very interesting. I guess I haven't thought that it was so long ago to me.
So that's where I was heading. So you know this as I do Part two. You're in your part two, your chapter two. I'm curious again because this plays out in the public eye. Did you see your divorce coming? Because everyone on the show, you know, we get behind the contestants, we believe in the fairy tale and so just have it break up and then have it publicly. Did you see it coming? Was it a surprise? Because I think that's where nation saw it as a surprise.
That's a good question. I think maybe really early on there were some red flags that I had in my mind. I think everything shift in when we had kids. I think that's really what happened, and to this day now I know looking back why we didn't work out. We're two different people, two different we think of life, we see things differently, we see life very differently. So I
can see it now. But I think when you get caught up at the beginning, you kind of just maybe push it off to the side, like the little red flags that you have here and there. Yeah, and I think it was somewhat sudden, but it was like the first half of our marriage was very strong and then I felt like it kind of crumbled towards the end. But I also feel like sometimes when you're with someone, like are you as authentic as you are? You ever
really being your true self. I think when people get put in situations when you have kids and you're you're dealing with, you know, making decisions for people that are very important in your life, like it puts you in a hard place and sometimes you see a person differently after that. I don't know if that makes sense.
No, it does. I'm sitting here thinking because I was married very young. I was married for almost forty six years, and my husband died by suicide. So that's that's okay, it's okay, thank you. But I bring that up only because you said it was sort of sudden and end of marriage. It can be sudden or it can grow or dissolve slowly over time. And you know, you've had
to obviously he's gone, You've had to co parent. You've had to sort of build a life outside of marriage, if that makes sense with him, with raising kids, and that's got to be a whole nother strand of that you probably didn't anticipate. That's what I'm guessing.
Can I tell you something funny now that I'm thinking about it, I kind of feel like co parenting him with him is easier than it was when we were married. Like we get along so well, I think, when expectations of each other are dropped and just who we are and we don't have any expectations for the other person except for just caring for your kids and putting your kids first and doing the right thing and setting a
great example, we get along so well. You know, he comes over to my house, sits down and we talk for hours, like over a glass of wine. We still are you know, we're really good co parents.
How old are your children now?
There are nine and eleven?
So did they again? I wasn't divorced, but my what immediately came to my mind? Do your children say to you because you're you know, it's a double edged sword. You're so successful co parenting. Why aren't mommy and daddy's still together? Do you ever get that?
No, they don't ask that. They know how different we are. Oh okay, they understand. But it's really funny because we recently went to the Bahamas, like we vacation together. So for Springbok we took the kids to the Bahamas. I saw that and our son Ford goes, mom, Dad, this is a perfect opportunity for you guys to get back together.
Well that's what I'm saying. I mean there was probably a kernel of truth in that.
Yeah, the way he said it was so fun He's like, it's a perfect opportunity for you too.
So I have a couple of quess So my parents, just so we're clear, if you remember the War of the Roses that was my parents divorce, There was nothing collaborative or congenial. Ever, no co parenting zipity do not. So I find the fact that you guys chose to vacation together amazing for your children. But I'm curious why was it important to do that? What made you guys come up with that idea?
Honestly, we do everything together. We vacation together, we vacation, we went to Hawaii for two weeks last year. We just we love our kids, and we are still a family even though we're divorced, like we very much are like, okay, family time, family, dinner, family this, like we're very still, very much still a unit. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, it just works for us. And also, I think it's important to show your kids that. I know not everybody agrees with this, but I don't
think marriage is for everybody. And I think that everyone's so scared to get divorced. It's like, oh my gosh, my kids. But I think that when you try and you try and it doesn't work and it's not working and it's not healthy, I think it's okay to make that decision and to still, you know, move on your separate ways, but still have a great relationship and I think that's what we want to show our kids too, right, Like, it doesn't have to be perfect for it to work.
That's a great lesson to teach your children that you know, at a very basic level, mommy and daddy don't love each other in that way. But we love you guys, and we want you to grow up and be strong, great you know, adults, And this is how we're doing it. I think it's It may not be traditional, but who cares if it's working.
Right, it displays healthy relationship.
That's what I'm saying.
Our relationship is not healthy when we were I mean, we were fighting and screaming and arguing, but we had a lot of tension between us and now we so we're showing more healthy relationships now with our kids than we did when we were married.
I'm telling you to write a book. It'll be a best seller for us. But I have a question. Are either one of you dating? Because I only can imagine that that might complicate that chapter two of I'm Dating. But I'm also how does that work?
Yeah? So I when I so, Okay, let me think back here the timeline. So when we got divorced a year later, I dated somebody seriously for four years. We're not not together anymore, just you know, for that's a whole other podcast, but we're not together anymore. But I do think during that time it was really hard for JP, even though we still co parented respectfully. There was not around the kids, but when we were in like a Loane talk or if he was messaging me, I think
there was some tension there for sure. I think the relationship was easier when my ex boyfriend and I kind of separated, like it was easier for him to feel more comfortable. I know he was very hurt when I moved on a year later. I don't ask him about his relationships because I don't want to interfere in that way, but I do think he dates on and off.
Do you think he would get married again? I'm curious. Yeah. The reason I asked that is you said marriage isn't for everyone.
Yeah, so unpopular opinion, and I might get some heat from this, Like I don't. I don't. I would not personally get married again. I don't think marriage. This is another podcast. I don't think marriage isn't the best interest of a woman. But that's my own that's my own personal thing. That's my own personal thing.
Actually, this this podcast is about you, so let's talk about that for a second. Why is it not in your best interest? I mean, you've got to get me more.
Okay, that's a good I don't want to I don't want to say anything too heated. I just think the I just think as Okay, let me how to try to explain. When I was in a relationship, I felt like all the time I had was given to someone else. There was no time for me. There was no everything I had belonged to someone else. I was expected to do this, this, this, care for this, do this, take care of this. There was nothing left for me. And I see myself as a successful person in all areas
of my life. And I don't necessarily think marriage helped me with that. I think being a single woman allowed me to be more successful in all the areas of my life. And maybe that's not important to everybody, but for me, I just I thrived when I was not in a marriage, and even more when I'm not in a relationship. So for me, it's it's working for me right now.
So okay, so first of all, let me just say this is your chapter two. You get to define it. You get, you know, it doesn't matter what other people think. You get to do this all on your terms, which is sort of what you're saying. I'm curious you said relate. Is it that if I think there's a financial piece here too? Women I think often stay in marriage is because they are financially insecure. They they need they can't survive on their own, right.
I agree with that.
So you are self reliant clearly, and that makes it easier to espouse the theory that you're you know that you're that you are. But I'm curious marriage. I think that's at really any age, lots of women are choosing to be single, have children single. But you just said you didn't even feel the need to be in a relationship. Is that tell me why that is?
I think it's just where I'm at in my life. I think we all go through these periods, whether it's just I style, hormonal fluctuations, or whatever it is, but I think that we all go through our periods in our life where we need certain things. And where I'm at right now, I feel like I figured it out.
If I have all these responsibilities in my free time, I need to be you know, like taking care of me, and when I'm in a relationship, I'm expected to take care of someone else, which is hard for me because all day I'm taking care of everybody else. So it's like I was left with nothing for me. And you know, some people say to me, oh, well, it's probably just the person you're with or the relationship you're you're in, and maybe you just didn't find the right person. And
maybe that's true. But I'm just loving my life right now because it's just I can go home and I can do what I want to do right like I can spend time with my kids, and I can I have the I have so much freedom right now, and I sometimes feel like, and maybe this is a negative thing about me, is when I'm with someone, I feel almost like, oh, like I can't go do this because I got to be here doing I don't know, sitting on the couch with this. Like I just feel such
a freedom in being single. So that's what's working for me.
I admire that, I will tell you, because I'm a lot older than you are, and I think many women at your age, at least my friends, my daughter, they think they would call that, they would define that selfish. I want to be selfish. I haven't heard that word out of your mouth once. It's it's not being selfish, it's living the life that you're choosing to live.
It's because I feel like when I was younger, it was like, oh my goodness, that's she's such a great mom. She does everything for her kids, she sacrifices everything. And I was that person. Yeah, and I woke up and I said, listen, like we got to teach women to take care of themselves. Like that's how you take care of your kids is when you have a happy mom that's well fed, that's well cared for, that's rested. Like that's when you truly can be your best self as
a mom. And I feel like, I don't know why we think that over like working women and sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice is like a good mom.
I hear you. You're singing to the choiry or so. When my parents were divorceding, I was young. I was six, and I remember that I wanted again. Divorce is much more prevalent now than it was when I was young,
but I remember I wanted. I'm curious what your kids say, if they if they if they see you as this independent woman, if they or and this happy satisfied person, or do they or simultaneously say to you, but you know, I would like to have that normal relationship that kids have, you know, mom and dad, a dog and a fence kind of thing. Or do they how do they feel about your life choices question?
I would love to ask them. My kids are very like. Let me give you a perfect example when when our kids were little, when we got divorced, and when we sat in the kitchen and told them, my son, who was four and a half at the time, said, we said it. We had to say it a couple of times because we weren't sure if he was understanding, and he said, oh, no, I understand, and I'm okay with it. Like they are. So they're just they're different. I think
these kids are our kids are just different. I don't know. I don't know if they're like old souls or they just have like a really mature mindset and a very they grew up in a very like, respectful, healthy family, and I think that they truly embody what we've always wanted them to be by displaying behaviors of respect towards each other and thoughtfulness and kindness like I just think they're like really good kids.
You should ask them. I'm very curious because.
We should bring them on the podcast.
We should bring them on the podcast. Your son was four and a half. Few have a daughter as well, right.
Younger she was like she too, well, let me let me think back my timeline here, because she might have been she was really young, like we couldn't she wasn't understanding, So I think maybe she was two and a half. Yeah, he was four and a half. Yeah, it was a long time ago.
I mean, in some ways my son got worse when his daughter was two and a half, and in some ways, your children it's all they know, especially since you and your ex husband are respectful to each other. It's the relationship they know it is. It is not abnormal. I hate use network, but you know it's normal to them because that's what they've grown up with.
Right, They're not tormented by it. They're not like I wish you too were I've never never once have they said I wish you two were together.
Like, how did they feel about the guy you dated for four years?
They loved him?
How was that when he left?
So he only met them a year into our relationship, so we were very you know, like I wanted to make sure I didn't want to introduce them to him and if we weren't sure about the relationship. So how so my son, for my son, Ford, he's eleven, He's a very active boy, very like silly, funny, active, sporty, and they would interact a lot like they had their you know, fun time. But you know, my ex and I are still friends. We still see him sometimes.
Well, you are a modern woman, I really am.
But you know what it is like when I care about someone and when I love someone, I really do. It doesn't just shut off like that. I can't just be have a great relationship with someone and then just cut them out of my life. Like those people are very important people. They still live in my heart. So there's definitely still you know, still interaction with people in my past.
Yeah, I just again, this was not my relationship. I've told you, it was just abysmal. H My parents got divorced and then so it was a very different situation. I applaud you for that. I think I have a couple. I have so many questions, but well, because you are so different in a very positive way. I love the message of sending to women. But so many women out there you mess you mentioned earlier, you know there are women out there who are contemplating getting out of a marriage.
They want a chapter two? What would you say to them to make them? How would you tell them to approach the decision making?
I guess it's a good question. I get a lot of messages from people. Actually, when I got when I we got when we announced our divorce, I got messages from people I knew, like in person, about how did you know? That's the real question I always get, like how did you know your marriage was over? Like what was it? Without sharing too many details, there was one moment, like something that happened where I was like, yep, this is this is it. There's no turning back from this.
So this is you know, this is it for me. But I know that a lot of women, especially if they have kids, go back and forth and like what's the best for their kids? Like I think women truly and men too probably, But I know the messages I've got from women is like I don't want to ruin my family and I don't want to mess up my kids, and I like they're always thinking about their kids, and like I said before, if you have tried and tried at your relationship. First off, I think everybody should try
to make it work. It's not like, oh it's not working, I'm out of here. You know, try to make it work. We did therapy. We you know, it went on for a long time. But I think that also it's like it might not work. And I think it's O Number one knowing it's okay to have a failed marriage. I don't think it's called failed, but people call it failed. I think divorce is okay if it's not working for you.
You have one life to live. You know what I would always say to myself, do tell no, I no no. I would always say like this, And this is no offense to JP, because you know we talk all the time. I'll even tell them I said this like I felt, you know how women they hold in a lot of stress, and it says it leads to like audio immune diseases. I'm like, this marriage is going to kill me, Like
it's going to kill me. Like, so I made the decision because I'm like, I care about myself and my health a lot, and especially for the kids, my longevity and for to be there for my kids. So I kind of thought about it like that. But I also think the most important thing is like, if you're not in a healthy relationship, that's not great for your kids. Everyone thinks sticking around an unhealthy tension like that's not
good for kids. So I think that if if it's unhealthy, if you've worked at it, it's okay.
I have to ask you. I just on my podcast Golden Now. We just had this conversation the other day. I think that oftentimes marriages, people go through the motions you said, oh, we did counseling, almost like ticking the box. Because I don't know how you feel about this, but I'm interested. Do you think many marriages, many relationships, it is a box ticking when really, in your heart of hearts, you knew you said this is going to kill me. You knew that you weren't happy, that it was not
a good thing for you. So is the therapy just something you did to check the box?
No? I mean I really wanted to see if there was a way to fix the issues. I really did, and I think he did too. I didn't. I don't think about it as checking a box, but maybe other people do. I really was curious to see if there was a way if this was normal for two people. But then it just got the therapy got a little weird, honestly.
Like.
It just got a little funky, Like it just felt what what I'll tell you is that I felt like when we were on camera it was different from when so we were doing it through zoom because it was during COVID by the way, Oh got it. Oh, when we were doing the zoom, like I felt like after the computer close, like it was like a different dynamic. Yeah,
there was a different dynamic. So this is this is not like anybody can just sit here and I could talk to you and be whoever I want you to think I am, and then when I close the box be my normal self again. So it was just like I don't know, it just it didn't work. Something happened and it didn't work, And I won't share that because that's a little like too personal.
Wait, I'm sorry, you just I just want to make sure I understand something happened in therapy or something is something happened in your life with JP?
Yes, with JP, something that like a moment a conversation, Right, it had to do with a therapy session? Ah, Okay, it was something that happened, and I said, no, got it.
Yeah, no, I didn't know if you were saying they or the marriage. Well, you know, it sounds like you are very different from certainly my experience with divorce, I will say in reading about you, and you know, I'm in my chapter two of life, and I always come and sort of think about how even though we're different ages and my kids are grown and I have grandchildren chapter two. I don't know what I want to say.
Chapter two targets, for lack of a better word, seem to be similar for women across the board, whether you're choosing yourself, your career, whatever it is. We take time, we feel good about our chapter two. We feel good about making decisions that are best for us. And I find that interesting that age doesn't seem to change that.
Yeah, I mean I think that different.
I don't know.
It's so hard because I see some people in chapter two like oh I want this, or so many people are pushing me like oh you know, go do this or be with this or be with this type of person, and I'm like, I'm so happy here in my chapter two, just you know, enjoying life and my kids and really taking the time that I have and putting it where I want to be, you know, And I feel like I never got to experience that when I was younger. I don't know.
So so you don't want to date right now where you do.
I don't want to date right now.
You don't want to date. That's how you have plenty of time.
Sometimes I wonder like, sorry, this is maybe TMI, but like there's part I mean forty I'm about to be forty two, and I feel like my hormones really, like I really understand human nature now in terms of women's hormones.
Which I know that's a whole other podcast or a medical podcast, but I feel like my hormones have shifted so much in like what how I feel on a day to day, Like sometimes I feel super feminine and I want, you know, to go on a second sorry sexy vacation with somebody and enjoy time at the pool, and the next day, I'm going to be a badass bitch, Like I'm just going to be like you know, I'm gonna work my butt off, I'm going to do great.
I'm going to do everything I need for the kids. Like I just feel so different every day that I'm trying to understand myself a little better in this like in my fotys.
Can it all be true? I mean, it doesn't have to be one or the other, right, yeah, right, But.
The only thing it's confusing because it's like some days I want one thing, like some days I want to date, and then the next day I'm like, Nope, I don't want to date. So that's the tricky part that I'm trying to understand. But I think just time will reveal.
Yeah, I was going to say, it's not. It's like some days you want vanill ice cream, some days you want chocolate ice cream. You know it doesn't. So I'm curious what advice would you give women? Because you clearly are very content successful in your chapter two. Not all women feel that way. So how would you tell a woman to find her happy place? How would you tell her how to date? What advice would you give to women your age or close to your age who are entering chapter their chapter two?
Well, you know what I would tell anybody, anybody going into chapter two, or anybody in their chapter one or whatever chapter they're in, is I truly believe in a woman's body and their like their gut if you have to force something, like if you fighting something it's not right for you, you have to go where like the waterfall will push you like naturally, like if you're always like for me, when something's not right for me, I'm
fighting back, I'm fighting back against it. But then you have to just release and let it go like that, like trust yourself in knowing what's right for you. If your marriage isn't working, or if your relationship or isn't working, or your job isn't working, stop fighting it, Stop fighting it. You do the work. It's okay to let go. It's okay to shift, it's okay to to make decisions that are best for you. It's okay to be a little selfish because when you take care of yourself, guess what,
You're a better mom, You're a better friend. Yeah, you're a better person.
It's putting the oxygen mask on yourself first.
Yeah. I love who I am because I take care of myself so I can be my best self for everybody around me. So that's kind of I don't know. That was a lot of different things. I think I only learned that as I was getting older, because like in my thirties, I was, you know, it's like suffering, was it's like almost like women. I don't know, I don't know if you if they make you or society makes you think like suffering is part of like being a woman and like giving everything to everybody and not
caring for yourself. And I think that needs to shift, Like that's that's what I would tell people, care for yourself.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's great advice. I do think that as women, and you've said it very very succinctly, that women are expected to do it all and give all and be all to everyone, and sometimes we get lost in the shuffle or what we want for ourselves. And I think that's what's hard about getting from If you're going from chapter one to chapter two, again, you and I are both in our chapter two is we
got here in very different ways. I think what I've learned first, I was going to take what I've learned. What is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself from going from chapter one to chapter two, other than to take care of yourself.
Yeah, that's a good question. I think I've learned that maybe I don't like, maybe I don't follow the mold in that way like I had different beliefs about things, and also I'm open to changing my beliefs. Maybe I think that I learned when I care about myself, I'm a better person all around. For my kids, I think a lot of small this is something that I learned. This is so silly. I don't even know if you're going to care about this.
Of course I care, and it's never silly, but go ahead.
This has helped me so much in my life, in every different in business, in keeping my house tidy, and caring for my kids, in saving money for this, Like all these little, these little steps, all these little things that you do, add up to something really big one day. So I used to push myself ashlely, do this, actually do that. I was grinding, grinding, and then you know what happened. I burnt out and I was left with nothing.
And then I decided to do just a little bit every day, and guess what, I cared for myself and it turned into something really big in every aspect of my life. So small steps equal something big in the end.
And it's so funny you say that, because I agree with you wholeheartedly. I also what I've learned. It's okay to say no. I mean, among other.
Things, that's really that's a good one.
Yeah, I've learned to say no. And I've also learned, which you seem to have mastered expertly. I've learned I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and not everyone's going to agree with the way I live my life.
And that's okay, that's okay, and that's something you learn like later in life. I find right, we're all so insecure when we're younger about there's too many people in the world to please.
Sorry, but I think it your I mean, I have, I have a son on it's going to be forty one. But you know, I think that you have mastered the art of you in a in a I don't know why, just the circumstances of your life that really could be a model to other women, because I do think we're expected to, you know, when the just even basic things like when the kid is sick, who stays home his
the mom? You know it's right. You know, there's books written about mother daughter connection and it's just it's it's it's almost it's almost a cultural expectation that we have to learn two to say no, no more. I'm not going to do this. That's not what my life is going to be. And you seem to have mastered it.
Yeah, I think so, I hope. So I'm not sure. I mean I'm not perfect, definitely, And don't get me wrong, I'm obsessed with my kids and I'm constantly like doing everything for them. But when there are moments where are there are opportunities for me to step away and stop pushing and stop pushing, I take them and I used to not take them.
Do you think do you think you're raising your kids? This is something I struggled with. How do you teach your kids the really important lessons that you want them to learn about about life?
How do you do that by being a role model to them? Like I truly feel like I could tell my kids, you know, make sure you take care of yourself, make sure you speak to this person this way. But if you're not doing that yourself, then I don't think that it's going to you know, soak in with your kids, like I truly, in every situation around my kids try to be what I would want them to be. I
don't know if that makes sense. And my son, especially who he's he's a little edgy, Like he's he's rambunctious, and he has a tendency to go towards kind of like he's edgy. That's all I'm gonna say.
I don't know, I don't know what edgy means. I'm not trying to dig I just I.
Know he's edgy. He's like he'll push boundaries with you or like he'll like he's a kind person, he will never you know, he's a very kind person, but he likes to he likes to live on the edge. So for him, you know, like, and I always tell JP what's important to me is that he is obviously a good person cares for people, but that he is a gentleman and cares about his mom and cares about the women in his life, so his sister. He has to take great care of his sister and his future significant
other if he ever decides to do that. And I always tell JP, like how you speak to me like he's watching you. You know, our kids are watching us, So you know we talk about that a lot. So we just try to be the best people we can be working.
Yeah, now, but again, I mean the thing that you're saying, Ashley is I just I was just saying this. On another podcast, she was asking me about advice for mothering, and I said, your children are not going to listen to what you say. They're going to watch what you do. And so if you want to be the good role model, don't tell them what to do, show them what to do. And you are forty two years old, and it is amazing to me. Maybe I'm just out of touch, but
you couldn't be more right. I mean, that is exactly and you're doing it. You're doing it.
So they're turning out pretty good.
So for I mean to be fair, Ashley, they have not hit the teen years yet. We're gonna in two more years, I'm going to ask you how things are going. You might have a different answer, right right, Sure, you know that's part. That's part of raising teenager. I mean, that's their fight for independence. That's just a normal stage too.
Yeah, I'm living this stage right now. It's like they're they're independent, they're curious, they're fun, they're funny, they have their own personalities, but they're not living like they're not going out on their own right. It's like that's a whole different worry that I'm not ready for.
Well, the good news is you know, you do have a few more years before you have to worry about that. But I actually, you know, I actually did watch your season. It was a long time ago, but I watched it, and I think that this is just another example you and your your divorce, You're moving on your relationship with
JP and your kids. You are such a good role model for bachelorette that what life, you know, what starts as a reality TV show for you turned into a real life marriage, a real life Now you're building your chapter two, and I think that message is just as important as the fairy tale we met on TV and fell in love and got married. I love that you are building a strong life for yourself and that you still have a great family unit and great kids and
a great relationship with JP. That is to be commended.
So thank you so much. You're so sweet. I really appreciate that.
Yeah, I really, I really have enjoyed chatting with you, and I kind of wish that I had had this conversation when I was raising my kids. But alas and a lack, I'm now a grandmother and now I just have to, you know, uh, hope to do better myself, you know, do better with my grandkids. One last question, I need some advice because I struggle sometimes.
Okay, let's hear it.
How do you work because I, you know, I have these kids and I have issues with adult kids, and my life is somewhat complicated like many people. How do you work on love? What's the best thing I can do loving yourself? What advice do you give for someone to aside from taking time for yourself? What is the self talk?
A good question? You know what I have to do sometimes I have to think of myself. I have to think of myself as someone else when I think back, like I think of myself as my daughter a lot. And I say, because I'm hard on myself, right, like did I do this right? Did I do this the
right way? And when I look back on my life and I think of me as someone else and all the things that that person has accomplished, and I think to myself, wow, like they did it, Like they overcame this, they did this, they created this, they were so successful with this, And then I can really just say, hey, Ashley, good job. Like it's almost like it's foreign for me to look at myself and say, wow, Ashley, you did it,
Like you did a great job, Ashley. But sometimes I look at myself as if I was my daughter, and that helps me kind of shift and allow myself to give credit to myself, like you did this, You're a badass, like good for you. And I don't know why I'm like that, but yeah, often thinking of myself as someone else is really helps me give the credit that I probably deserve.
I actually love that idea. I'm going to try that because I think sometimes if you take yourself out, whether it's pretending your daughter your daughter, or just taking yourself out in like three faces of eve, you know, talking to somebody else that's right there across the room, your alter ego, whatever, saying congratulating yourself, patting yourself on the back, sometimes it's the most affirming. I've never thought of it that way.
Or sometimes I think of myself as like a young kid because I grew up in a really small town, like in the middle of nowhere, and I always knew I wanted to get out, and I always knew I wanted to I dreamed so big, like I almost had this faith in myself that you know, was like almost unrealistic. But you know what, when you believe in your yourself like that, and you keep going and you like put put it in your mind that you can do it, like you can really do it.
Yeah, well that's that's and you've done it, and that is the self talk. I love this. I love hearing a woman your age when so many women are fighting like we started this off, you know, going through divorces, going through such our times. You have such a positive outlook and I love it. I love hearing it. And I hope that other women who are in uh trying to figure out are they going to stick in part one? Are they going to move to part two? What are
they going to do with their lives? I hope everything you've said today gives them take care of themselves and and and can build whatever it is they want to build in their life. Wow, Well, thank you.
Good talking to you.
I enjoyed talking to you too, Ashley. I did I really have a therapy session and it didn't cost either one of us or.
Dot And we're not just checking a box, by the.
Way, way, we are not checking boxes. Well, let's do you need some advice on how to navigate dating? In chapter two, call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective.