Hey, I do to part two.
It's your resident real life single guy in chapter two, mister Wright, and I'm back to answer more of your questions and give you the honest opinion that will hopefully give you some insight on how men think. So since our last episode, we've got tons of comments, back emails, voicemails. It started a lot of conversations. So let's get started here and go through some of the comments and emails
that we've gotten since our last episode. So our first listener question came in from Lisa, who's forty eight, and this is what she wrote, do guys, quote unquote do research before a first date. Women will know a mom's name, what kind of dog your cousin has, etc.
What is it like for guys?
All right, Lisa, So guys tend to do a little bit of research, but really it's basically very simple. We want to know if you're single, we want to know what your friends think about you.
It's pretty I think it's pretty.
Surface, and I think guys really are looking for whatever that connection is between the guy and the girl where this is interesting, where maybe some women are looking for some more deep down research and background information. I think guys are trying to trying to figure out it on their own. And so I think while it's important to know whether or not you know you're dating somebody that's kind of that will fit you outside of just the chemistry, I think it's a little bit more of a mystery
for guys than it is for girls. So now we're into our next question comes from Amy, who's fifty one, and what she writes is this, what are men looking for in a relationship where they're in their thirties than in their forties, in their fifties, and what will they want in their sixties and seventies And does it differ as you get older or some things just stay the same. All right, this is a big old question to unpack.
So let's start in our thirties. So what men are looking for in their thirties is kind of a life partner. They're looking for someone that they're going to start a family with, that they're going to build a life with, by their first home, with all of these things that are that happen kind of in your early stages of a relationship. And then when you get into your forties,
some guys are into their next chapter. So at this point, now they're looking at kind of what does their stable life look like, And if they're in their chapter two now, they're looking for a reset. And they've probably learned some lessons from their thirties that they don't want to.
Repeat when they're in their forties.
So I think a guy in their forties is certainly a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident, kind of knows what they're looking for, and has learned from some estates they might have made in their thirties. Now when you get into your fifties, now these are guys that are going through really into the next chapter, not just the next chapter of their relationship, but the real
next chapter of their lives. If they've had children, those kids are probably graduating from high school in their fifties, they may be going off to college, they may be even graduating from college in their fifties. And what they're looking for is really somebody that's going to take them probably into the rest of their lives in terms of
dating and relationship. And you know, these fifty year old guys, if they've been either newly single or single for a while, they're probably a little bit more set in their way.
So just be aware.
That that old adage about teaching a new dog old tricks or old.
Dog new tricks.
Well, you've got a fifty year old man that may be pretty set in their waves, which kind of can be a good thing, because you know what you're going to get. A guy in their thirties or their forties might still be growing and maturing. But a guy in their fifties, they've probably had a career, they've raised children, they've probably been through at least one or two or
even three serious relationships. So you're gonna get a guy who knows what they want, that has a sense of confidence, but know that it might be difficult to change them in their ways.
Wait, sorry, mister Ray, I have to jump in here. Please so tell me then, if men are set in their ways in their fifties, why do they often gravitate towards younger women.
Well, a lot of times they're to gravitating towards younger women because they might feel that those younger women may be willing to put up with a guy that's sitting in their ways that might know that you know that they're not going to be as malleable as a guy in their thirties and in their forties, and and you know, in a lot of times, women in their fifties are just as set in their ways and just as confident, and you know, and just as experienced as guys in
their fifties. So it might be, and you know, I'm going to get beat up for saying this by my other guy friends, but guys might be looking for somebody younger that may not be quite as set in their ways and might be more willing to adjust to a lifestyle or to something that the older guy is looking for.
That makes sense, mister right, Thanks for that intel, But now I do want to know what they're looking for in their sixties and seventies.
Now, sixties and seventies, now we're getting into you know, kind of the you know, kind of the golden years. And at that point, you know, you are looking for
that perfect companion. And I think that while you might be you know, set in your ways to a certain degree, I think at this point now there's a sense of vulnerability where you might all of a sudden now be willing to adjust your life a little bit more for a partner, and you know, you are really looking for who that person's going to be for the rest of
your life. So I think that there is probably this pivot where guys go from being you know, young and inexperienced to getting more confident and set in their ways, and there might be a little regression back to a point where you're like, wait a second, maybe to make this thing work, I need to be more accepting, I need to be a little more flexible. And I think that's what happens later on, you know, for a man, certainly when they're looking for a partner that's going to
be with them for the rest of their lives. So Kristin who's thirty seven rights, do guys ever really say what truly bothers them in a relationship? How can you get a guy to open up so he doesn't feel like he's being grilled? All right, So we are talking chapter two here now. Guys I think are hesitant to talk about what truly bothers him in the moment because they don't want to upset the appu card. Guys generally
are I think, are less confrontational in the moment. Not saying that we're less confrontational all the time, but I think in a moment, if something is bothering them, I think they were a little reticent to bring it up right then and there. And oftentimes guys will let things fester and then it'll will kind of blow up, and it won't have anything really to do with the original thing that was bothering them. It'll manifest in something small
and silly. And so I think it's important for, you know, both the man and the woman or both the partners to be constantly trying to make sure that they're looking for signals that they're asking the right questions that aren't interpreted as as Kristin was saying, grilling, but rather curious.
And you know, I think it's just being a little self aware.
If you know, if I did something or a partner did something, and I recognize, wait a second, that isn't that isn't a healthy reaction, that isn't a loving or
caring reaction. Even if they don't say something, I think it's my responsibility to recognize that and see that maybe that is bothering them, and then maybe figure out how to elicit a response that doesn't seem like you're being interrogated, that doesn't seem like you're being intrusive, but that you're just saying I just want to know if this is right, or if this is bothering you, if we're going in
the right direction. So I mean, it is a Rubik's cube trying to figure out a guy and his emotions.
I get that we're.
Difficult, we're complicated, we have thick skin, we have thick skulls. But I think it's worth taking the time and effort to be gentle about trying to unwrap what might be bothering your partner.
It might be bothering that guy.
And not letting it get to a point where it's hitting like this pressure situation, and that pressure explodes over something totally small and tiny because it hasn't been unwrapped
before then. So again, I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, but I think it is necessary and it is crucial for the health of a long term relationship for both partners, certainly to figure out how to figure out when something's bothering the other person, when something is you know, just not right, Because I mean, both neither the other partner wants to go and push someone.
Over the edge.
They don't want to. They don't want to intentionally, you know, push their buttons. Well sometimes they do, but I think generally you don't want to put somebody in a situation where they're getting upset, where they're getting bothered, and then it festers and just lingers until it explodes one day. And unfortunately, sometimes you might not know what it was to cause it in the first place, unless.
You're able to have that honest conversation.
So Gina, who's fifty five, she writes, I have been single for five years since my divorce and have been surrounded with a bunch of other incredible single women. We have all really full lives, prioritize fitness, and like to have fun. But somehow none of us are able to meet quality men or know any quality men to set each other up with. Why is that everyone knows great single women, but no one seems to know great single men?
All right, Gina, So there is a little sense of this question coming out that you have this tight group of what looks like very confident, energetic and outgoing women, and that could be a little bit uh intimidating.
For for some guys.
And oftentimes there can be in this kind of group mentality where this there's this constant competition between one another, and you know, if you're you know, if you're you know, you see a guy, uh, and you're in a group, it might be that you guys are picking them apart, and maybe that great guy doesn't seem that great because
you're kind of using this group think. And I've seen it before where you have kind of a pack of girls that are going out, whether at a restaurant or a bar or whatever, and it's intimidating to go and try and break into that group or for guys to feel comfortable going and even I don't know, asking one
of them out. And then if the guy knows that not only does he have to win the affection of the girl that he's taking out, but her whole group of friends that he knows are going to be giving their opinions and their critique and asking questions, I would say that maybe, you know, there could be something of this group mentality that might might be holding you back. Gina. So I think there are great guys out there. I
think there are great girls out there. But I think it's all about putting yourself in the right situation, the right mind frame, that might the right, you know, just kind of scenario to find that great guy or find that great girl.
There are great single men out there.
I promise you just got to be looking in the right place and be ready.
For it when it hits you.
What's the right place?
The right place is the grocery store on Sunday after no are I think that you know the classic great places for you know, for guys and girls to meet yoga studios, gyms, grocery stores. I mean, of course there's gonna be bars and restaurants. I think charity events. I think, you know, school events, things that where you can find your priorities and meet up with other people that might be sharing those same priorities. And you know, there's it's funny.
I you know, in my chapter two I have noticed that the gym is filled with guys my age that are in their chapter two that are not only looking to stay fit and stay active, but are also trying to exude that same energy and find somebody else that is looking for the same thing. And so again, whether it's the yoga studio, or whether it's gymnasium, whether it's running trails, hiking trails, oftentimes those places are ripe with single chapter two people that are looking for that next
chapter and looking for someone else to share it with. So, you know, aside from dating apps that are and get out of the virtual world, get into the real world and get a Labrador retriever. Those seem to work really well too, or you know, Cavalier King Charles. Those all also seem to work really well as bait. So this has brought up a really interesting topic that I think deserves its entire own episode, which is Chapter two, Single People,
Jim Etiquette. That's a long title, but it's a long topic. There are so many bits and pieces of how to properly attend to Jim, how much eye contact to make, headphones are no headphones? I mean, this conversation can go on for hours, and I think it deserves its own episode. All right, now we're hearing from Chelsea, who's forty, and is there such a thing as too much communication? Where's the line? Oh, my goodness, too much communication? That is a definite fuzzy line, to say the least, And it
is different for every couple. Now, I would think that over communication will always win over less or under communicating, and this is where a lot of couples have gotten in trouble in their chapter one. The assumption that the other person can somehow read their mind, that the other person should know when they're in a good mood or a bad mood, or they're feeling romantic or not feeling romantic or whatever.
It is.
This idea that the other person can read your mind, unfortunately grows in a relationship.
Well you should have known, well, you should have thought of that. No. Chapter two is about telling it like it is.
It's about communicating effectively with your partner so you aren't surprised and they aren't surprised. And if a day, you know, if you didn't have a good day at work, your partner may not know why. And and if you come home in a grumpy mood and the other person doesn't know you're coming home in a grumpy mood, that is a ripe situation for an explosion. So I think that too much communication is hard to hit. I think over communicating is a really difficult you know, bar to to clear,
and there is no such thing. I think that if you're finding yourself over communicating, then you are the rare, rare circumstance. I think it's important that both partners know where they stand. I think both partners, especially in this chapter two, when we are more confident. When we are more set in our ways, I think, no surprises. Let's
just let's just get communication on the table. Let's let everybody know where they're where, where they stand, if something's bothering you, something's making you happy, whatever the case may be, just communicate more. It'll avoid a chapter three. All right, So we're going to bring in producer Heather, who over the weekend I think went down a rabbit hole on a situation that I think is kind of interesting to
talk about. It was too difficult to put in a question, so let's just open it up to a producer, Heather, to talk a little bit about.
What happened to her out there recently in the wild.
Well, thanks, mister Ray. Yeah, I have a scenario.
I wanted to run past you because I just thought it was a little bit odd. But maybe as a man you can tell me if it was odd or not. So I have an incredibly cute puppy and we go to different parks all the time.
We're always meeting people.
People want to come up and meet the dog, touch the dog, all sorts of stuff. So we go to a park on Sundays that plays live music.
So we're hanging out, and probably I.
Would say forty to fifty feet away from me was a family on a blanket, and at one point the mom and the toddler came over and met me and introduced themselves and wanted to play with the dog, and the husband stayed back at the blanket. Fine, so again, forty to fifty feet away, they're not like within an earshot. They're not like right next to me. They're a little ways away. So then twenty minutes later, after they've left, the husband comes over on his own to say hi
to the dog. So I'm like, fine, well, my dog is not interested whatsoever at this point. So the guy sits down, and my dog is like off somewhere else, like not even near us.
And this guy.
Continues to just chitchat with me, wants to know how my weekend was, what did I get up to, tells me about what him and his family did, and is talking about my dog, talking about the kind of dog he has. Again, my dog is not playing with him. This guy is now sitting at my blanket. He's not like kneeling over anything. And so I just wondered what you thought of that kind of interaction, if that was appropriate as I'm just like a single woman just sitting alone with my dog.
Wow, that is an interesting scenario. So just we're talking a family fifty feet away. Has the family now retreated back to their original blanket and now it's just you, no dog and the husband's slash father.
Yes, so my dog is like attached to me, but he's like often another direction. He's not interested in this guy. This guy's not petting my dog interacting with my dog.
No. Wow. So that's a rough situation.
And I'm wondering, did you catch just dagger eyes coming from the wife slash mom. No, she wasn't interested in the fact that her husbands slash father was not attending to the family and was more interested in the dog slash you.
Yeah, I know she did not care.
Wow. I just thought it was so strange.
That's and so there's so many dynamics at work here.
I think that there is a certain flex that this guy is trying to prove to himself that he can go over and you know, talk to a single girl. I think there might be a situation in which he's also trying to let his his wife slash mother of his child see that he is able to go over and successfully talk to a single girl. I also think there's another dynamic where the wife slash mother is saying, yeah, I don't care if you go over and talk to a single girl, because I'm just that confident. I mean,
there is so much stuff to unpack there. But I gotta so, how did how did the interaction between you and this guy ultimately end? That I think is important.
I think he just at one point, like again, my dog wasn't paying any attention to him, So I think just at one point he got up and was like, Okay, have a nice rest of your day, and like and then him and his he went back to his blanket, and him and his wife grabbed like some sort of game, and then they went off behind me and were like playing a game together with their toddler standing nearby. I just thought it was strange. The moment that I thought it was strange. I didn't think it was weird when
he asked to see my dog pet my dog. Literally people do it all day every day. It's actually like when the biggest shock I've had since getting him, it was when he decided to sit down, lean up against a tree, put his legs out in front of him turn to me and say, so, what'd you get up to this weekend?
Okay? Can I well you?
Okay, producer Heather Wey, Are you going to give us an honest answer here if I ask you?
Yeah?
Of course, what was your body language like and what was your response like? Were you answering in short, curt sentences or were you were you you know, were you leading on in terms of like this conversation could could keep going.
No, So I'm sitting cross legged on a blanket, facing.
Him, facing him, okay, yeah.
Because he came and sat in front of me. So they were forty to fifty feet ahead of me.
Oh, and they came backwards.
He picked himself up, came back and sat with me.
So you changing your direction, you know, your pivoting would have meant it would have been awkward because then you would have been staring off into space kind of you wouldn't have been looking at this concert.
Yeah, the band was in front of me, which means if they were in front of him, So yeah, me turning around would have been very strange.
Was there any hair flipping? No, I was.
I can say this honestly. I was not physically attracted to this man. Whatsoever.
No, didn't bring over a pineapple or anything like that.
No, No, he was just so.
I don't tend to talk to men just willy nilly on my own in the in the real world, it men just approach me now a lot more because of the dog, and usually it's your dog is so cute, they pet, they walk away whatever. I had an experience literally the weekend before as well, same park, same event, where we were sitting in A man that was probably old enough to be my father came by, asked to speak to asked to pet the dog. Dad, and that
man continued to rattle off questions to me. Where did I grow up, Where did I go to school, What do I do for a living?
How long have I had this dog?
Did like this man I was like, oh, he's going to ask for my Social Security number next, you know, that man just kept talking to me. And that guy, I felt, was like kind of overtly like trying to figure out like if I was married or if I was in a relationship or something, and that man I was giving very short answers to, being like, get the hint, like they're old enough to be my dad, Like absolutely not. You have three hairs on the top of your head like this is I'm not interested. But that guy kept
talking to me. I was literally not giving him any follow up whatsoever. So same park, same event, just a week later, and this guy and I was just like the minute he turned to me and said, so, what'd you get up to this weekend? I actually I probably was like a little bit like shocked, but I was wearing sunglasses, so I was probably like I and by the way, I didn't get up to anything this weekend. I have a very boring life. So I was like, oh, well, I took a class on Saturday. I go, I take
a foreign language class on Saturdays. And he goes, oh, what language are you learning?
Okay, let me just tell you.
You could have come up with some answers that were you know, that that that really would have turned them off in a way. You could have, you know, you could have you know, told them that you had your dungeons and dragons meeting. You know, you could have given all sorts.
Of but maybe then he would have asked, like, what my character is that I play or something, you know. I was like, I was like, oh, I take French twice a week, and I we hung out at another park that we liked to go to. I was, you know, reading pretty low key, and then he was like, yeah, we we went to Disneyland for the first time. And I was like, oh cool, and he was like yeah. I'm like I I didn't realize it was forty five minutes away. And I was like, oh, are you not
from here? And he's like, wow, we've lived here for six years, but uh, yeah, I didn't know Disneyland was there only forty five minutes away?
And I was like, oh yeah.
And then he just asked me if I'd ever been to Disneyland, and I was like, yeah, I grew up in Orange County. I like, that's like our backyard, Like we used to hang out there all the time as a kid.
And he's like, oh, like that's so. He said.
That was so fascinating that I said, I like grew up going to Disneyland.
Like, I don't know.
I just thought this was a really strange conversation, and I was just thinking, like, if I was married to this guy, I would think.
This was a weird interaction.
I would be thinking to myself, why am I married to a guy that feels the need to walk away? From me and go talk to somebody that he doesn't know. I think it would be It would have been different if he had come over initially when his wife and child came over to talk to me, if he had been like, oh, I want to join in on this and like meet the doggie. But the fact that he waited like twenty five minutes to do it on his own,
I thought was strange. And I didn't know if like that's me being like a weirdo woman just like thinking and over analyzing, or if like you as a man, agree with me that that is like a weird way to interact with somebody that you don't know when you're married.
One of the things that I think that we've unwrapped on this episode is that having a puppy in a park is a great way to meet guys, whether they're old or married or what have you.
So I think I think if the dog honestly attracts old and married, I really do. I don't think he's ever attracted like in my age range, like single in a vail. Not that I'm looking, because I'm I'm definitely not looking, but it's so far it's like it's honestly hilarious, Like how many I think weirdos have come up to me since I've gotten the dog. I'm always texting my sisters being like another old man came up to talk to me, to like doc to the dog.
But the dog, I think is like a it's like a little bit of like a like a question mark, a little bit of an opportunity.
It's an easy one, too easy in yeah.
I mean, you know, there are so many hurdles to meeting somebody, and you know, just the just the social mores and norms of of introduction are difficult, and I think having a dog, I think, you know, is one of those things that it's like anybody can go up and use the dog as a ruse to go up and start a conversation. And what kind of dog is this? I mean, that's like an easy one.
Yeah.
And and right away you are in that physical like bubble. You you crossed that three foot you know, they say that there's a three foot bubble around each of us. And if you can get within that three foot bubble, then both people are very very vulnerable, and in a good ways, you know, well it can be in a good way. And so I think that you know, dogs are a great way to go ahead and find a way to get into that impenetrable bubble.
Yeah, And I will say for singles that are looking to mingle, they should look into their local areas, especially as we get into these warmer months, for things like they do in my area, which is this Sunset Park concert thing that is free and it happens every single week. I mean hundreds of people show up to this and like bring blankets and snacks and their dogs. And again, I'm not single, and I mean I am single, but
I'm not looking to mingle. I just go for you know, fresh air and stuff like that in.
Content for it for podcasts too, exactly.
I'm there just you know, sitting on a blanket waiting for a weirdo to come and talk to me.
But thank you mister.
Wright, for you know, really letting me know that I'm actually not crazy that that was a weird interaction. And hey, men that are married, don't do that.
No, Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that you can go up and pet a dog.
That's fine.
I think that I would do it with the with the toddler or with the wife or or whatever.
Or don't sit down like that. Was the other thing. It was like come over, say hi to the dog, but it was the sitting.
Down making yourself comfortable.
Yeah, so what'd you get up to this weekend? I was literally was like, uh, I.
Was, and I felt compelled to like say something super interesting.
I know.
I was like, I was like, Oh, what did we do today? I was like, I went to a new coffee shop. And then he was like wanting to know what it was, and I was like, Oh, it's blah blah blah.
And then he looked confused, and I was like, it's near where we live.
I don't I don't think he was even listening to your answers. I think he just wanted to.
Be in your space. So I think you take take that as a compliment. Take that as a compliment.
It makes me feel strange, It makes me feel that like, I don't know, it makes me feel and who knows. I think he was married. I think I saw a ring. But I just feel like, I mean, let me ask you this, mister Wright. I've always been of the mindset
that men and women can be friends. It's not that I don't think that they can't be friends, but I think that when you get married, and when you even cross into a more serious level of relationship, that those friendship dynamics between men and women change, and I think that they should change. I've been in situations. I'll just give an example where I was in a long term relationship and I had a partner who had a quote
unquote best friend that was a woman. And when that person, the woman, got out of a relationship, my partner thought it was appropriate to talk about going on a trip together with this person to help them get over their breakup, because that's what that person did for them when they were in college.
And I had.
To have this conversation because I was a little bit annoyed by this that I felt like this was a very obvious thing, that this was inappropriate, and they were painting me as like being jealous, and I was like, no, I'm not jealous. I think it's inappropriate based on how long our relationship has been. And then I also felt the need to point out that this woman was in a very vulnerable state at this time.
She had just ended an engagement.
And I said, I don't know if being in close quarters with a man is.
A safe thing to do.
And I said, and to maintain your friendship. I don't think you want to put yourself in a situation that could possibly go too far, because once you go too far, she makes a pass at you whatever, you can't go back to being friends after that. So you might want to avoid that kind of situation altogether. I was met with it's not like that, she's like that. I'm not interested in her.
Da da da da da. So uh, I dropped it.
I let it go, and after I said my piece, it never ended up coming to fruition.
No, we'll never know that the experience experiment never never played out.
Well, I'll tell you this.
I'll there's a very real possibility that that experience played out after my relationship ended. I would not be surprised if those two went on a little trip together.
But what do you think about that?
What do you think about men and women being friends, close friends, not acquaintances, moost friends. As you know, marriages and deeper relationships develop outside of that friendship.
Yeah, so I think that And this came actually up in our other episode. Previously talked a little bit about the dynamic of girl friends and guy friends. And you know, I think as you get older, I think that it
gets easier to have guy and girlfriends. I think you know when you're younger that you know it can be difficult just because you know, everything's I don't know, everything's just so like experimental, and you're going through so many changes in your lives, and this person that with your friend, you think, well, maybe they'retually supposed to be my girlfriend, or maybe they're supposed to be my wife or my husband or whatever else, because I do get along with
them so well. So at my age now, I actually have really really good girl friends, and it's never but it's never been any question mark about anything more than just you know, friends that are just you know, respect each other and give good advice and all these sorts of things.
Well, sorry, let me ask you this, mister, right, did you have these girl friends, these good girl friends when you were in your chapter one?
Not really not the same way.
I mean, this is definitely it's definitely changed, okay, because you know, primarily out of respect for my you know, my my my previous partner, spouse, and so they're just just was I think it wasn't appropriate to have, you know, friends that were getting the same information you know, that i'd be sharing with my wife with them. So but now that that, now that I'm that I'm single, you know, I've developed probably closer relationships with friends that are that
are girls that I've had friends with all along. But I can promise you it hasn't been anything that has been you know, that has towed the line of anything you know, romantic or anything else like that, even at a convenience or whatever else. It's never been like that, because I do know you said it just a minute ago. That is, you know, once you cross that line, coming
back is an impossibility exactly. But you know, I think as you get older, I think it's I mean personally, I think it's easier to have good, close, even best friends that are of the opposite sex.
Well, let's talk about that when you get into your next relationship.
Because this is where where I.
And again I identify as a feminist. I absolutely love women. Women make up my circle of friends.
I do not have.
Straight male friends. I have straight male acquaintances, guys that I've worked with, Guys that I enjoy seeing, you know, every once in a while. But I do not have a best friend, male buddy that I call or hang out with or anything like that. Not saying that that's wrong. It's just that's how my life has kind of always been. I have sisters, I don't have brothers. I just always grew up around a lot of women. So I love women, and I do believe that men and women can be friends.
My issue is when being in a relationship with a man, I do not want somebody that is going to talk about our issues or things between us to get a woman's opinion or a woman's take on instead of coming
to me. It's one thing when guys talk about their issues with other guys, and guys will give you a like guys give each other whatever kind of advice guys give, but it's a different It feels it feels disrespectful in a way, and maybe it's coming from a genuine place, like, oh, I don't know how to talk to her, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, So I'm going to go talk to my female best friend who might give me
some perspective to me. I think that that's inappropriate. I think you should be having those kinds of conversations with your woman. And it makes I just have experienced this more than once of guys that as I look back on patterns in my relationships and why I'm at where I'm at now. The similarity I see with guys that I've been in relationships with is they tend to be less alpha men, and they tend to have female friends.
And one boyfriend I had, anytime we got into a disagreement, would run to said female friend to talk about it, bitch about it. And then that girl has this mentality anytime we were around each other and things were fine, that she knew, she knew everything, She knew everything that went on in our relationship, which is I think a violation and I don't think.
Is great.
And so now again I very much love women and identify as a feminist, but I don't It's very strange for me now when I if I were to get back out there in date, if I were to meet another guy that was like, yeah, my best friend is so and so, it would.
It would make me uncomfortable.
And I will say in my last relationship, when I met said best friend for the first time, I wasn't greeted with a warm response.
And this is this is the guy's girlfriend, a friend that's a girl friend and you're meeting her and you're saying, she was just very.
Like I remember she I felt very excluded from the conversation, and I remember her turning to me at one point and going, so sorry, we're gabbing.
We've just known each other for so long.
So okay, in a guy's defense, just so. And I've been on the wrong side of this unfortunately. But you know, oftentimes and when we're looking for a woman's perspective that's not our partner or whatever, it's a we're really trying to be sensitive, like we're trying to be like, wait, what am I missing?
I fully understand that the intention is pure, like it's a good thing.
I get that, Yeah, but I have also been bitten with that and it has been like, why do you need to go talk to that person? He could have talked talked to me about it exactly, And I'm saying, well, why didn't want to upset you? Or this was something that we were going through, and so I was trying to fix it before it was a problem.
Unfortunately it was already a problem.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like I would not have a problem if men went to other men for that kind of advice. I think that women operate differently amongst each other when it
comes to knowing information and how they act. So again, like I said, this girl the interaction, and by this point, I mean we'd already been together for six seven years or something at this point when I met this person for the first time, and I just remember walking away from that interaction being like, they didn't ask me anything about myself, they weren't interested in getting to know me.
And then sure enough, a month.
Later, we found out that she was now single, her engagement had been called off, and she was wanting to.
Go on a trip. And I thought that was strange too.
I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine because I was I was peeved, right irritated by this, and I remember being like, am I being insane? And my friend being like, did she ask you to come on the trip? And I said, no, not that I'm aware of, and she goes. Then that's a direct disassociation
of your relationship. You would never ask a man, right, A woman would never ask a man who's married to go on a trip with her, Right, No, we would never do that, right, So why would she ask somebody that's been in a relationship for six seven years at this point to go on a trip with her, and I remember.
Being like, great, that's crazy, right.
It's crazy. I thought it was actually crazy.
And I remember being like, so are you going to stay in separate rooms?
Like what's happening?
And I remember my boyfriend being like, I just let her plan all that stuff.
Well, this is this is actually another, I think another episode. An interesting talk topic is exes and how they relate to one another in terms of like what is the chapter two look like separately? You know, when you have children, Like, what's the dynamic between an ex husband and an ex wife? What's appropriate? What's you know? What is too much? What's too little? Do you go on vacations if you have young kids together? Do you you know, do you go
to dinners together? Do you go to celebrations together? What's the what's the line at which you draw that? You know, if there's a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the chapter two, how do they see the relationship with the you know, with their partner's previous spouse, Like there is and I see it a lot right now, because you know, there's a lot of ambical breakups.
Not every breakup ends up in you.
Know, throwing plates across the kitchen and screaming, yelling a lot of them.
You know, people are growing apart or whatever else.
And so you're still raising kids together, you still have a history together, whether that's five years, ten, what the time is, but especially with kids, and so what are the rules of engagement in terms of what's appropriate in terms of spending time together as that family unit was when you were married versus now as divorced parents of those of those kids.
And I think it's a there's a lot to impact there, definitely.
Yeah, So listeners, send in your questions or leave us a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes. Thanks mister right for basically confirming I'm not crazy.
Really appreciate your advice.
All right, guys, we've run out of time.
There were so many questions coming in on our email and our voicemails that we need to dedicate an entire another episode to this, So follow along for part two of this episode on I Do.
Part two