Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Hi Tory, Tory, Tory, it is so good to meet you, Dorothy, Dorothy, Dorothy.
I wish you were here with me in person.
Me too, you know, I love being with my clients or or people i'm talking to.
Yeah, okay, well we'll pretend you're right here holding my hand.
Okay.
It's so interesting in life. Do you find all the people you have helped organize and get through things with that if you're quite literally there with them, almost like holding their hand, they tend to free more stuff up.
It seems that way, Tori. Here's what I know. If one person is working on a project all buy themselves, you know, it's harder to do. You get another person in, whether they're an expert organizer or just you know, a friend who's helping you out Right, it's going to go faster no matter what. Well, unless we're stuck in the decision making. Ah.
Yes, I have been there in the past in my life and decision making, but I don't feel like i'm there right now.
Good good. I actually heard I was listening to your podcast the other day and I heard you say you're kind of ready to get rid of a lot of stuff, you felt like you're just.
There for sure. I mean I had different moments over the years, and I think this has been documented, like on past reality shows everything, because I've always been pretty you know, upfront with everything, open book to my detriment sometimes. But I like to say it like it is because I enjoyed the human connection. I feel like it humanizes all of us and gives us a connection whether we're in person or not. But I did. I used to place emotional attachment on inadamant objects y'all do, and.
Most of us kind of in our age groups, you know, one decade less or more. You know, we have some of our identity tied up to the kind of work that we've done. You know, if you're a chef, then you're going to have a lot of chef recipes, a lot of magazines, a lot of you know, equipment throughout the kitchen. It's just going to be more of And here you are in your world, and you've got a lot of swag, and you've got a lot of I'm imagining right products that come to you. Please bless our products.
You know, you have all this stuff coming in, plus you've got your kids, and when you have a lot of stuff from in your world. I work with a lot of celebrities. There's a lot of stuff you are not alone.
Fair Fair definitely. I think once a lot comes in, if you don't actively put it away, organize it, you know, give it away, it does tend to pile up. And then it's like when you're working, I'm trying. I'm being mindful, I think right now, because I don't want to defend myself and I don't want it to sound like I'm like no, but the fact is I'm a single, working mom,
I have five children. These are all just facts. I don't have any help, and my ex helps us a lot, but I don't physically have you know, when I did this with the podcast last week, my co host Amy we had talked about, you know, she's one single woman and she has a whole staff, and I was like, that's awesome, you know, but every situation is different, and
I'm happy for her. But for me, I'm like, gosh, even one other pair of hands, human hands, would help me through life, because it's just you know, when they say it takes a village, it really does. And if you don't have that village or one other person. It's it is. It's a hard task to do. And I do think a lot of times I get this one
a lot. People say, we have five kids, you have a built in helping village, and I say, yeah, I suppose, But I think that takes the mind of someone when you're used to being like, I'll just do it all myself, and you don't ask for help. You don't even think to ask your own children. If that makes sense, Oh yeah, oh.
Yeah, absolutely. And you know you are a strong woman who has been able to do nearly all of it yourself, right, and so that's built into the system. And by the way, there is nothing for you to defend. If anyone's going to you, it's me because I'll tell you why when you're particularly women, but you know, men and women, if you have a lot of projects going on, and I know, just listening to the various podcasts of yours, you've got
a lot going on. But if you take the average person who might be at home and let's say they just go to what a travel expo, you know, and get one of those bags full of all sorts of goodies, then they want to bring home of trips they want to take and things they want to do, and they come home and put it on the dining room table, right yeah, and there it is with full intention to
take action on it. But something comes up. A parent has to go to the er, a kid has to have a sudden you know meeting, you know with mom and the teacher. Something else comes up, and so they're that project is and then here's this other one. Now we've got insurance claims, and now we've got all these right, and then upcome was some sort of an activity that is, you know, oh Mom, I need you tonight or whatever it is.
So here it is.
It's just the layering of it all. Yes, and then how do you unwind to get back to it? If you have a lot of projects, sometimes the stuff being stacked isn't about the stuff, but rather about not being able to get back to that first thing that piled up. Right, you just.
Described my whole life.
Yeah, many people's lives, my life, My life included.
Literally the thing is. So let's just say, like you said, a travel expo bag, let's say a gift bag for instance, Like I am part of the iHeart family. That's where my podcast lives. Like the last iHeart event I went to, there is a gift bag and people gave amazing things and everything. That gift is still here. Yeah, that gift bag is still on, like you said, a table, and I think about it every day. I walk by and I'm like, oh man, I got to sort through that
gift bag. I remember my friend wanted this piece from it. I was going to give this thing to my daughter. Okay, I'll get to that later because life doesn't stop. And then yes, yeah, yeah, and the priorities of it all of course.
Yeah, And here's what I got from the at least the podcast that I listen, you know, to prior this is that you do have your priorities in order. Your kids are your priorities. I totally get it. And I also heard that you are up to taking care of yourself. So I don't care how much clutter you have, you or anybody else. Yeah, as long as those priorities are in place. So it's when the clutter is getting in the way of things, oh hey, let's deal with it.
And for me, Torri, when I look at sort of people who have a lot of clutter and a lot of projects going on, I like to look and say, really, maybe it's the infrastructure that's missing.
Okay.
I think it's not all about the clutter.
Okay.
So if it's the infrastructure you mentioned, just the simple task of putting away putting things away, like you didn't get a chance to do that, right or.
There's also no room to put it away, So it does like I think we probably all deal with this. You know, I have five kids. We are stopped up. We like we don't have a pantry, which I'm not like boohoomy, but I do have five kids, and that is one of the things when I was renting this house I didn't think about. I didn't think you know, the kids were like, oh my gosh, this is great. These bedrooms are amazing, the backyard's great, we have a pool. Everything.
It was like, yes, here's a kitchen, there's a den off shooting the kitchen so you guys can hang out, I can cook, Like those are the things keeping the family together. That's very important to me. And it wasn't until after we moved in and Ruthanne was here and helping me put things away that were like, oh, shoot, there's a few cabinets under the kitchen counter. There's no actual like pantry, remember reason Yeah, And I was like, shoot, I didn't even think of that. And another thing like
I do have a lot of clothing. I have gotten rid of a lot of clothing over the years, but moving into this house, clothing did come with me. And I also was like, oh, shoot, this house doesn't have a closet. Yeah, this slighting door, but like yeah, yeah stuff, yeah, well if I may just yeah, booo problems. But I'm just so it's like going back to this one gift bag.
Not only do I mean to sort through it and give the things to the people that I think would like it or keep for myself, I also don't have the room, so anything that comes in, And I don't know, are we all still supposed to go about that whole old notion of if one thing comes in, one thing goes out? Are we still are we supposed to live by that still?
Well, if it works for you, okay, it has to work for the person. Just because that kind of mantra is out there doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for this this this person, right, And how can you even keep track of this little you know over here
compared to what else is there. You know, if you're looking brick to get rid of a fair amount of stuff, then it really just requires a team to come in and have you or this supplas to anybody, right, You just have a team that comes in and lays it all out, like with like lotions with lotions, gift bags with gift bags, electronics and chords over here. You know, that's how it goes. Kitchen stuff over here, stuff that
belongs in an office over here. And then I say, okay, or let's just look at all these gift bags, and you're gonna be okay that I'd like to the whole Let's just make a bag for this friend and this friend and this family member and denat.
I'd like to.
And then we do that, that little section is boom. So then we go to the electrical cords and we say, okay, yeah, yeah, I definitely have duplicates here. I can get rid of three of these cords. They're all the same. So when you see all those items or suitcases and luggage, those are bags, line them all up and that's when they're all together, it's easier to make the decision and you
just go boom, boom, boom. And then we have runners taking those things to where they're supposed to go back up to the kids room, out to the garage, give away.
To out of the house, gone, out of the house, gone, I was saying last night we were on the phone. I was like, no, no, no, you guys really aren't hearing me. Anything that is not living and breathing in the house. Let's give it away.
See and can you can I can sense this, and can you see for yourself you're in the right frame of mind.
Yes, oh yeah, yeah, yes project, yes, yes, yeah yeah. And I remember, like my friend Amy was saying, like, but you used to hold on to this. I was like, yes, I used to, but I went through so much personally in the last you know, three years the family. You know, we went through a lot of changes, emotionally, physically, all of it. And now I can't even imagine being like, oh my god, I'm so emotionally attached to that, Like
that doesn't really even come up. You know. I have my kids' photos, art projects when they're young, like I have that stuff that means something, something they can pass on, so there's a legacy. I know those things were important to me, Like the couple things I have from my dad, Like, I want to give them that to pass down. But other than that, anything that's coming here that's new, that doesn't mean things of the family. I'm like, great, let's donate it to someone who needs it. But I physically
don't have that man power. Why do they call it man power? It should be women power.
It should be woman power. You're right, it just comes off the tongue that way for so many of us. But you know, when it does come to stuff and smaller things and details, it is more female, if you will, you know, those little detailed things. So maybe we'll change it to woman power.
Woman power. Yes, I just honestly, I just need the physical help transporting it.
Yeah. And there's another thing too, when it comes to stuff and clutter, some of us are hard wired for it. It's in the you know, front of our brain here, wired for organizing. You know, I was a gymnast growing up, so everything was repeated and done over and over again. Right, And in your world, I'm imagining I could be wrong, But in your world, I'm imagining you're a creative person. Right. So we've got left brain, right brain create. You know,
right brain is creative. Are our right brain creative and left is analytical ll. So you know, if you're more of a creative type. So many people thrive. If you think about artists, they thrive on having just a little bit of chaos, so or we could call it inspiration. You know, that's what makes a creative mind creative. So I don't know if that's your situation or not.
Definitely, organically, my brain doesn't go to organizing, it doesn't go to using something and then putting it back. My brain's like, go go, go, go, go onto the next thing fast. We got to cram everything in time management. Working on it never been my strong suit. Yeah, And I you know, I can recall a time in my life when I was married and when the kids were younger and I was able at the time to have a lot of support around raising and kind of managing
my village, and I did thrive. I did thrive. So it's just in my mind, I'm like, I've always thrived creatively, it's just right now, so I know I've had it before. It's not like, you know, I had people working with me and I was like no, no, no, Like I was happy when people could help organize me or help me with pickups and drop offs and all of that. So I definitely thrived on having people assist me even
though I won't ask for help. So yeah, I just would like to get back to that, and I think it would really start just It's interesting after we did the podcast last week, a lot of people are reaching out to me on DMS and instant Messenger and you know, all of that, saying, oh my gosh, if I lived closer, I'd come help you. I'd come help you. And I'm just like, Hey, any friends out there want to come over and help I mean, ruth Anne has offers all
the time, but we're usually working. We produce together as well, so we have so many other projects besides the podcast, so we're running to meetings and on our TV shows and doing it like we're doing all of that. But she's like, if we have a second, I will help you. So yeah, if I have any friends out there that live in the area that are actually listening to my podcast, just come over and help me, please.
But I want to say I do want to say something about that because even though I find and I wonder if this is a thing that it's much easier for me to go and help like declutter or help organize, or just in general help somebody else as opposed to myself. So like I'll say to you, Tori, oh, I'll come.
Over and we can go through the gifts and whatever. And meanwhile they'll be like a.
Dack of papers or something I haven't unpacked, or you know, laundry that I haven't dealt with, and it's like, oh, I'm going to just turn my back on that and go run and deal with somebody else's stuff because somehow that's easier. I don't know if that, Dorothy, is it a common thing or that's just me?
Yeah, yeah, I think I think you know you, all of you have come up with a lot of the answers already. Now it's just how do we make it happen? Right, You've talked about the possibilities, and you know you're interested
in kind of making it happen. So the first thing is to I don't care how far out it is, Tori, but if you can calendar one day of organizing, not just an hour, but a day where you do have a crew, and whether it's me and some of your fans and all of us come in great, I'll lead the team and we will sort and we will put things.
Can I film? That'd be fun TV show?
Wouldn't that be kind of fun to do?
Look at me? I'm like, okay, now my producer brain's here again. Wait, let's film it. No, I'm just kidding.
But can you see that's the creative side, and that's the other project right and and there it goes, and that that's no mistake. That's in your DNA. That creativity. We want to hold on to that. And how do you be organized and creative altogether in one?
Yes?
Please? And so if I were there with you, I would say, here's what we should do. Let's talk about a brain domp. Because it's I mentioned it once. I'm going to mention it again.
You brand deal brain don't. Oh sorry you said brain dump and my brain heard brand deal on brand comes from the brain dump.
It's the misspelling that happened right there.
Good happen. I'm ready, yeah.
But what happens is again, it's not the stuff that we're talking about. And this is for anybody. What's going underneath is what we want to talk about. And if you have you know these thoughts. Oh, I wish I had some help, Okay, I you know, I have this project over here. I need to do this podcast. Oh my kid has some sort of you know, production that I need to attend. All these things going on, I'd want to try that recipe. I've got that swag bag.
I've got to handle. These are just little things. You've got so much more. I know this, But we want to dump all that literally onto a piece of paper. Or you have your chat. I know you have a name for your little.
Chat, Mona my chat, yeah Tea.
You can download to Mona or brain dump to Mona. But it's getting all those items chunked together, you know, and prioritizing all of your projects and your thoughts. Because once those are prioritized. If organizing is way up on the list, then it's going to happen faster. If it's not, if you've got other projects, it's still going to stay lower. So picking a date, okay, picking a date like it's a vacation, like it is, you know, a kid's graduation day,
you're not going to miss. That's where it happens. That's when it happens for anyone.
Interesting That all makes sense for me personally. What really stood out there for me is that I don't write things down.
Oh okay, tell me about that.
Yes, let's talk about that, because that interests me all the time because I know it's connected to something that component of my brain. It's almost a challenge for myself, Like I I could just take out a piece of paper and literally write down the things I have to do. I could literally write down I only recently, like, for instance, I've written six books. And before there was the iPhone,
there was the BlackBerry, which no longer exists. But I've been writing books since I believe it was two thousand and eight or two thousand and seven. So I used to write them on my BlackBerry and people would be like, do you have a computer, And I was like, yeah, well where's it? I don't know. I'm under that pile over there. No, I'm just kidding, but yeah, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I have a computer. I've never learned to use a computer. And then I remembered because they'd be like, why do that?
Seems so much harder to do everything like this, And it was harder, but it was like I thrived on it being harder. And then I remembered a story that my dad used to write all of his shows on a legal notepad, and before that he has he had an old school typewriter which I have that my mom gave to me when he passed. But you know, and they kept trying to update him and say, you know, this will be easier. Let us teach you how to use the computer to and he like was no, no, no, no,
it's like a refusal. And I was like, oh my god, my brain is kind of the same. Not that this makes sense or is correct, but it was only until ruth Anne knows this only into what this this past year ruth An that I actually put things down in a calendar in my phone. Yeah, and that was the game changer. Ish this a crazy part is and I stand by this. I remember everything so like we could talk about a date here and whereas anyone else would be like, oh, let me look at my calendar, let.
Me look it up.
I could tell you what date it's happening and what timing is happening, just from having someone say it out loud one time.
And yes you might if I jump in here, no please do, because this is it, This is what, this is where it's at. I believe for you. And again, this is everybody on the planet practically, But if you don't have a place to put if you know that it's going to something is going to occur on you know, April seventeenth, that's great, your brain has it, beautiful.
Never mind that.
You have five other children and friends and family and so on that you're also keeping dates for correct. Okay, so you've got the date. Proud of you for that. I'm going to be a little flip about it. But here's the thing. When it comes to that date, when that's meeting, then where's the information that supports that April seventeenth date? Let me show you. Don't go away. I'm
still here. But I teach electronic organizing, no problem. I teach people how to use their phones and calendars, no problem. But here's my calendar written old school, old school, old school, because.
I really have an aversion to that one.
Okay, all right, But I can go to April seventeenth and I can write down the nine things that I wanted to remember on that date and things that I want to take with me on that date. And if you're not doing that, if you're not because life is moving too fast, then I heard you again say on your podcast, someone who.
Can write it down. Yes, that's so for another set of human hands, though.
There it is.
Do you see where we like, I really go back to that. I do.
I've got some ideas for that, okay, if that's okay.
Please okay.
And you may have tried some of these things before, but you know, when I listened to the podcast, and I get that you guys were really going raw and some of it was just you joking around. So I get that. But on the other hand, some people need a personal assistant and some people need a professional executive assistant. Okay. You had also mentioned the term like a mother's helper, that kind of thing. I don't see that for you, okay, Okay, I see an executive assistant who really manages your time.
That's what my brother just said the other day.
Yeah, oh good, good, good, okay.
Because my brother was trying to help me. He's he is very like he's a creative, but he's a life coach, so he is good at writing things down and you know, doing all of that. He's a libra. So I was He's like, let me like help you tell me what is your love letter for someone coming in that would assist you? And I said, this is so crazy. I'm having a hard time because I'm I couldn't merge the personal and professional. And he said, I think he said
the same thing. He's like, you're asking for everything from one person that's not and you're not going to end up doing it or finding the person. And I said, correct, I'll just keep doing it all myself and it's unbearable. And he said, I would go to the professional route. So you guys are saying the same thing.
Sorry, oh good good. And that's Randy, right, Yes, your brother's okay, good good good. Yeah, so he gets an A plus for that one. Y, right, But what I would say is if you haven't tried the you know, we live in the Los Angeles area, so you know, USC or UCLA is a great place to start in terms of going to the MBA, you know, the Masters of Business and just seeing if they have people who
want to assist. Okay, they are in the learning curve, true, but they are also smart about how to manage their time. And there's another one called the International Association of Administrative Professionals. Okay, so it's not the typical look at.
Us, I'm writing something down. Sorry, it will never this just will get lost somewhere in the shovel, but I am writing it down. No, I'm hoping it won't be. Sorry, Can you tell me that name one more time?
Yeah, it's called the International Association of Administrative Professionals. Take a look there now. Also, you know, you can consider there's also the National Association of Productivity and Professional Organizers. So it's called NAPO dot net. NAPO dot net, it's my industry organization. You'll find me there. You'll find hundreds of organizers in the area. They all have different Some love love love paperwork, some people like basements and garages,
you know. So you can find a professional organizer there as well.
Now, would this be to hire an organizer or to hire someone that has those skills to help me on a professional level? Full with other stuff?
Okay, so the professional NAPO dot net, that's where you're going to find professional organizers have organizing skills like time management, like electronic organizing, whatever it is, like you think is the biggest need for you first, And when I say you, I mean everybody who's listening, right, And when I talk about the administrative Assistance group, that's specifically to find an admin who is an executive, which is what I believe you might need.
Can I ask you a question in your humble pine. So I just I say things and ask things just kind of as they come to my because this is all a realization process as well. So interestingly enough or not to anyone. As you're telling me these names, I'm writing them down. I already inside got a fear of reaching out. Yeah, but maybe, but I don't. Okay, this is weird. My whole life, I've had a fear of the phone. Yeah, yes, is this common?
Lots lots of people have a fear of the mail and mail box too, Keep going, keep.
Okay, okay, okay, So I'm aging myself here. But when I was young, we had a landline and there wasn't you know, if there wasn't Internet, there wasn't Google, there wasn't Siri, like you know, we had to actually pick up the phone and dial for one one to get the operator to get a business number and connect it.
Oh my gosh. If I said this in front of my kids, so they would zone out and be like, you are the oldest human on the face of this planet, and they're like, and then you hammered it into the stone.
Tablet.
I'm like, kind of okay, actually I don't have a fear of stone tablets, but uh so, fred Fla, I'm starting to get choked up in shake right now talking to you. And I'm a public figure, actress, in podcast host, and that's I can do all that. But the thought of like being younger and having to pick up the phone dial four one one ask an operator who didn't know. I remember my brother being like, they don't know it's you. I'm like, it's not about that, it's my voice would
go up super high, like Hi, can I please? And ruth Anne knows this voice because to this day, when we go somewhere, if it's we call it my ordering voice, like ruth Anna, I'll be talking like this and look, I'm like can I take your I'm like, hi, please, can I have a savage like? I think it comes from a fear of anyone assisting me. Yeah, in anything. As if I came into the world thinking who I
was and my family was that I expected things. So my brain from a young age went the opposite of being ashamed to ask anyone for anything, even calling the operator yeah, like you don't deserve it. I just realized this by the way, as we're talking, thank you, Dorothy.
You've become very meek.
Oh, just don't even pay attention to me. I'll just take a crumb from the bread baskets as all stop. You just said that my heart saying. I was like, I don't deserve that even okay, you know, I just.
Want to share. You know, I've got a similar one. It's a little bit different, and I'm what I call, you know, an HSP, right, a highly sensitive person. Right. So for me, there's a lot there. I have a ton of fears, you know, and that's what has me eat too much sugar. And somebody else out there has a different fear, which might have them collect too much stuff. You know, this is what goes on. There's anxiety that's attached to it. I, for example, can speak to a thousand,
two thousand people, not a problem. I am out there with a scripted thing. I can go off book just like you ken when you're doing your acting. And yet when I have to host a party, I'm like, you know, talking one on one, making sure everybody's okay. I have anxiety around that. Okay, So everybody has their thing and if yours is on the phone. It's understandable. I mean, everybody's got their thing.
But what you're saying and what ruth An saying, like it's all a higher thing. Like it's not just the phone. It's emailing someone and asking for help or going to this website and actually following through because at the end of it, I'm asking someone to step in and assist me. And that feels super uncomfortable.
Yeah, it sure does. And therefore, Hama, may I say one reason I would suggest the executive assistant. If it's you know, if it's in your budget to do that for whatever number of days you can, you can say can you call or can you be with me while I'm on speakerphone and call? You know, I guess.
So I've had this in the past and it works really well. Like I can't call the doctor's office and make an appointment, but if I have an assistant, I they yes, and they'll do it, and I'm great, Like I can do all the creative It's literally that type of stuff that takes me down, things that are as simple. And I also have a bad habit though, and this is all lines up, is when people do work for me,
I feel so guilty that we become best friends. I want to do stuff for them, like it's it's hard for me to separate because of the way I grew up.
Yeah, so we might be twins here, we might be twins.
You know.
I just went on a trip to Dubai and Thailand, and I just got back last week, and my mom's super sick. And even though I had someone caring for my mom, a family member caring for my mom, Tory, was I feeling guilty or wasn't I you know the answer, Yeah, you felt guilty because it's the way I brought I was brought up. Okay, So you know, for me, I do twelve step programs to manage that emotional stuff. And you know, I'm not I'm not ashamed to say it
because it is changing my life. Getting rid of the guilt is one of the key pieces for my life to work better. Just throwing it out there.
I will just say, guilt for me, I feel is the biggest albatross around my neck. So I applaud you that you kind of found a way to unload yourself of guilt. Thank you, Toy. You know, I feel like you suffer from this too. This is you know, guilt syndrome.
Wait, what is it? What is the proper name for that?
I mean it is it's just guilt. It's just guilt, just guilt. But it's this idea that I mean, I don't feel like I can have fun unless everybody else is in order and they're.
Okay, same, and then it's gone to the extent where I still can't have fun, right, Yes.
And that requires that's like going to the gym. I have to practice this all the time. And what if what if those feelings might be a reason that we look the other way when there's a bag on the table and this is for everybody, and it might not be guilt for some of your listeners, it might be oh being you know, holding too many resentments. You know, if you've got too many resentments, that might be a cause. Like again, it's never about the stuff, it's what's going
on underneath. And if we're finding out there's a little bit of guilt for you there and I know there's a ton of it for.
Me, then toun of it for me. Yeah, And guilt is oh guilt guilt is not my guilty play like I yeah, it's like crazy, but I it's interesting because yeah, my dad always had a lot of guilt, so that that definitely like was something we grew up like, oh, you know, it's in our nature, like we're just we feel guilty, and it's like okay, And I could see some of my kids have it and some don't. Like my oldest feels guilty about everything. So he and I like we work on that together. He's said I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. I'm like no, no, no, and then he's like, okay, but you don't say sorry. I'm like, you're right. So we like, you know, imaginary sorries for nothing, that you've done nothing wrong. But it's like, it's so interesting that that can be like in our DNA and we're not even aware of it. Like I raised all my children the same, but certain ones have it, certain ones don't.
Right right, And look, I was trained in it. Not to belittle my mother, but I was trained in guilt, really good training. I know what it's like to feel guilty and to make others feel guilty. I had to let go of that too. So I heard in one of the meetings that I went to that it's and I don't mean to say this about you, this is about me, but I heard them say to me, and I was appalled that guilt is very selfish, Like what, how could that be possibly be wild? How could that possibly be?
No, that makes perfect sense. I've never heard it put that way. You're right, guilt is incredibly selfish. Do you think, yeah, well, well we're not doing it on purpose. I mean, I think I don't know. Words are so loosely thrown around in this in this generation, I fear ever saying, you know the word narss, you know, if someone's a narcissist, And it's like, we all use the word narcissists, we
all use the word gaslighting. Like it's just so, I've come in the last two years to kind of redefine words for how it works for me, not what works for everyone, because not nothing works for everybody. We're not a box, we're not a unit or individuals, we're humans. So defining something by a dictionary description doesn't work for everybody. So my point is, yeah, I the guilt spills over to everyone around you. So that's when I agree it does become selfish.
Oh it does. Imagine me if you will not that I'm trying to make your podcast about me. But here I am I'm in another country with my husband and you know, his family, and we're having a great Wait a second, they are having a great time because I'm worried and I'm guilty and I shouldn't have booked the trip for so long. Tori, I knew I shouldn't have. I just do you know it takes something to get out of that. It takes a phone call to somebody in one of my meetings to get over this guilt.
And then I can pull it together and enjoy my swim in the ocean, warm, warm water. But again, I could either eat sugar or I could manage the guilt.
I've never been a sugar person.
Well, you might do something else. You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna pick on you for one.
Sex please everyone else does. No, I'm just kidding.
When I listen to the podcast, and I don't know if you use the word but I I don't have. Is it Ramona? Is that your lady?
No, you're Aramona Mona Mona.
I took your podcast and I asked chat GPT to tell me what word came up the most in that podcast about clutter. Do you want a guess or do you want me to tell.
You tell me swirl?
What if, Tori, what if swirl were your thing? Like I eat sugar when I feel guilty, when you feel guilty? What if?
Okay, I'm picking up what you're putting across here. So let's put aside swirl and say chaos, because that's how I used to refer to what you are referring to a swirl. It gives me energy and.
Energy you know, is that carries us. It carries us through projects, it carries us through days that we can't do the day, whatever it might be.
It's interesting when you refer to this. When I think about it, Here's the thing. I'm not a person that people think instinctually like, oh, you get defensive and I'm like, no, I'm just telling you everything, like I'm telling you, and it's human to kind of be like, but I am this or I have this. It's not that I'm defending
the situation, but I will tell you about things. So this I likened too when I was younger, and you'd feel like, oh, kind of like bummed down, quiet, and then someone would come in and be like, oh, did you hear so and so was dating so and so. In school, you would hear that, and you'd be like what what And it was like this chatter woke you up even though you were so tired in your first class. Does that make sense? Yes, yes, they would. That's a note so and so because so and so behind the lockers.
Oh my god, I just age myself again. Can you'd be like zoning out in history class and be like what, I'm awake now? It was yeah, swirrel, chaos, the drama, the energy. Yes.
So when one has a big life, yes, I say you might. When you have a big family, I say you might. When you have a lot of ideas, I say you might. Right, you're going to be in the spirit of a lot of energy giving and a lot of energy sucking. And you know, so there you are and who in the world. And this is just something I say to anyone out there, who in the world, after you do your day, wants to do any organizing about anything, especially if it's not in your DNA.
No, yes, I'm terrible with time management. But even if I were to have the odd hour off where it's not work related or kid related, I'm speaking freely. I will literally And Ruth Anne knows this beyond with Mona and I've created. Last week, there was one hour so I could have yess, technically, I could have organized and in that one hour I came away from that hour with a leg warmer collection I fully designed it, and a jewelry collection.
You see, beautiful creative projects are practical, doesn't mat.
Yeah, the ideas are practical. I mean, I have to say that I think I'm having a revelation about you, Tori, is that you're void and behavior is being wildly creative and genius. Mine is going to take a nap, Like when I want to avoid doing something, I'm like, I am a narc electic all of a sudden. Tori, on the other hand, designs a jewelry collection and getting rid of the clutter.
And I often think about this. I mean, Ruthanne is my co host, my producer, but she's also one of my best friends. We've known each other how long twenty five thirty years? Yep, yep, so we know everything about each other.
Right.
I'm always amazed because I cannot sleep, like sleep. It's very hard for me because my brain won't shut off. So I'm always amazed that when she's stressed, she does When she's stressed, she will sleep, and I'm like, God, how can she sleep? I always thought that was a male quality, not a female. I always like in that, like growing up that men. You know, you see pictures of everyone being like, oh they have a baby, right, and they're like always the photos of the father the baby,
and the baby's napping, the father's asleep. Meanwhile, women like, you know, we would never be able to fall asleep while we're with our baby. Like it's just like male versus female on some level. So I am I always think about that, and Jess as well, Rutha. Jess can fall asleep anywhere. So like two of my best friends, I'm like, God, how do they do that? But you're right, my version of that with stress is creating. We shouldn't be like a trillionaire by now.
If that's the case, well it's there's still a lot of times chick, yeah, but you're welcome. But here it is, here, it is. What's missing is the infrastructure, the infrastructure to capture the leg warmers, the jewelry, the yesterday's idea, what's coming up, and having someone to support you, like where do you put that idea?
How do you?
And then how do you prioritize it. Really maybe jewelry is it? Does it move way up this? You know above other projects? See this is what is not I'm guessing in place for you is that project management system of toy and Toy.
I need a project manager. Yeah, like for what project Project tory? Yeah, project Tory can make a difference in this world for everybody. I'm telling you, I have the heart there, I just need the infil structure, Dorothy, I I am not kidding, I was. I had anxiety getting on this podcast with you today. Okay, I had anxiety, and I right now I think I'm in love with you. There's so many epiphanies happening during this session with you.
I am so grateful, Oh God, just because we're talking it through and things are coming to light that I never thought we're associated. If that makes sense, It does make sense.
But I will tell you you see you CLA did a study on the number of items in the average home. It's something like three hundred or four hundred thousand items in the average home. Who everybody is facing this? Yeah, I see, I hear your shock, Ruthan, But really it's it's it's just rampant for all of us. I wrote a book toy called stuff your face or face your stuff, right, And that's because I either faced my stuff or I
ate so those one or the other. So it could be that, or it could be you know, one about you know, guilt avoidance. You know, Ruthanne mentioned the word avoidance earlier. So maybe it's not really it's a collection of stuff. It's the piles that we have. You know, I have reporters and you know, sports figures and all sorts of folks who have stuff.
You know, what's coming to mind as we keep talking about these things, and I sometimes things just come to my mind. So I say it dream catchers. Yeah, what would be the version? It's almost like a clutter catcher or a we're trying to just think of terms here. Whatever gets someone to refocus on somebody that makes them happier, Like, how do we merge those? Yeah, well, I love a new business here.
Well I love the term DreamCatcher inside of it all, you know, I mean, clutter catcher could work too, But there's still the infrastructure.
We should we trademark that. I can't stop.
I can't see the brain is and Tori, this is it for you, honey, yeah, if I could do anything, I would be your full time assistant, twenty four hours a day, just writing down your ideas. It's hard to have so many ideas and be so creative, it really is. And I do you know how many book ideas I have in my my in basket over here, just tons, so many.
Wait, I'm not making this about me, but I'm gonna make this about me. Whenever people give me compliments, I can't take them. Correct ruthan, she fell asleep. Sorry, I'm just kidding, but I'm bunch that was a call back. Sorry she got stressed.
And she's like, oh god, no, uh yeah.
You are correct. You are correct. When you just said that someone would follow me around and write down all of my creative ideas for once, I didn't say like, oh no, I'm not worthy.
I'm like, yeah, that would be You say that all the time, which is funny because you are always like all I need is.
Following you around writing down your ideas.
That's all I say. I will drive poor ruth and mad because we will be talking about something and I'm like, oh my god, wait, you know what would be funny? We could do this idea? And she's like, thank God bless her brain, semi worklife. So she's like, can follow, but it's a lot.
Yeah, yeah, so there's this.
Paper and paper, Yeah.
I'll be I'll be brief on this. There's a thing called body double A and I when I say that, I follow people around, like I have CEOs that I've worked with, right, who are my clients, And they can't understand why they can't even take a lunch. There's no time to go to the restroom. You know what's going on? The gas is running out of their car. I mean, these are very successful people and the electricity bill has
just turned off. Why is this happening? Because when I follow them around, they and I'll use the term because it's so common, they are swirling. It's just one idea after the next, after the next. They can barely keep up with themselves. Their brain is so active, and so we need one person to keep track of it, help us prioritize it, and a strong person who can say, you've got to put one in priority position here because
all the rest has to wait. I have people doing that for me because I've got a lot going on in my brain.
My dear, Okay, wait, what did I say? We needed red in stenographer. Now we did say.
That, but then we cracked out because that wasn't really what we meant.
But now, well, yeah, I just need someone to follow me. Everybody to follow you around? Like case no good in theory, Like, let's test it out. Let's have someone follow me around all day, just for twenty four hours and write down everything and see what happens. Yeah, that's what a lot of Then you actually have to make changes. That's a good stup. It's perspect.
You. Let me know if you want anything. If you want me to come and follow you, I'll follow you for a day.
No, I'll follow you. Wait stop, no, seriously, you're making me feel guilty.
Oh Tory, stop let her let her come and help you. Please wait, let her help you help me.
Sure, I'm sure.
I mean I would love to get together with you, Dorothy, but I know you're super busy, but I would be. Yes.
Yeah, well, thank you. We'll stay in touch, no problem. But I'm here for you if you need a little bit of anything. No, seriously, thank you. I'm grateful honestly for you or your listeners. You let me know.
Thank you. Oh my god, I feel so good that we did this podcast today.
Thank you too, You're a gem.
Thank you.
Warning warning, warning, warning compliment.
Look at me. I took it. Now I'm gonna get on the phone mic drop.
Thank you, Dorothy, You're welcome. What a pleasure. By Hon