MisSchooled

It's not easy. It's it's not for the week. So my kids went back to school, which is a blessing and a curse because I'm kind of you know, there's there's two camps, right, there's the parents that are like, oh god, they're back to school. I can get my stuff done, my kids around, I gotta say, And even though I wake up at like six am, it's that actual like getting ready and getting them out the door

that I hate. So summer to me, summer break is joyous because I'm like, Okay, that's kind of my knee time is I wake up early and I can get my stuff done and they're still sleep I'm blessed with good sleepers, Thank goodness. You know. I talk to other parents and they still have kids even when they get older. That you know, wake up at five am, six am. My kids sleep like if I didn't wake them, which during summer I'm like, quiet, what don't wake the beast?

It's sleep all day, which during summer I'm mad at that. But back to the grind. I will toot my own horn for a moment, which you know I don't like to do. But five kids back to school, Oh my god, it's wow. It's a lot so this year in particular, and this is the first year I have five kids with five drop offs and pickups, which doing alone is not humanly possible. And their dad helps, but he's working, and so we have to coordinate schedules. And primarily I'm well,

I'm the Uber driver. I am a glorified Uber driver, adding that to my resume, call myself Torri of all trades, and now I am I'm a great driver. Ill I mean, but yeah, I do five drop offs this year. Hi, I'm Tori, and I do five draws, which you know, some out there might say, okay, well you have five

drop offs, but it's the time crunch. It's the you know, it's not on Tory time, which is I'm if you know me, you know, if you know you know, I'm notoriously late to everything, but school waits for no one. They man don't care, you know, they're minute late. They're charty, So don't want to be a tardy to the party, the school party. So it's gonna not that you care. Run you through my drop offs because they're kind of

not humanly possible, which is something I'm grappling with. So five schools and they're not like right around the corner from each other, so I have to, uh, I have to go. Wow, I have to get my youngest to his elementary school. He's the first drop off. I have to then get my next two to their middle school. I then have to get my daughter Stella to her high school, and then my son Liam to his high school.

And they have really odd times for drop offs and picks. Yeah, so it's like one of them is like at eight fifty. It's like eight fifty. Okay, it's not eight thirty, it's not nine, it's eight fifty. Cool one is eight thirty five. The challenging one is one is at eight thirty and one is at eight thirty five. But uh, if I could like time warp or fly or you know, just like what they do in Bewitch, which your no, and like you're there or going back to my bestie William Shatner,

beat me up, Scottie, be me to school. It just it's not humanly possible to get from somewhere at drop off at eight thirty to a school that is fifteen minutes away by eight thirty five. So yeah, you know the tricks for that, let me know. And their public school, so you know, no one's you know, it's not some like fancy private school where they're like, okay, misspelling cool, we understand the challenge. We'll make an exception because you

are physically geographically not able to do that. It's like, no, they don't wait for anyone. You know, there's thousands of kids, and it's like you got to be in class. So technically one starts to eat thirty one starts to eat thirty five, but you have to be like in the classroom, in your seat. It's time. I'm here, wow, And my kids are stressed. They're like I'm gonna be late and I'm like cool. Uh so, so yeah, that's something I'm

dealing with. So what a week it's been figuring that out, which I just can't figure out and it's so odd the pickup times. I told someone this and they were like, wait, did you say that right? I was like, yeah, one of the pickups it's at three twelve, three twelve? Why twelve? Ok, you have to pick them up at three twelve, not again, not three, not three ten even not three fifteen, not three thirty, three twelve, Okay, cool on it. So yeah, so I'm trying to work that out. As the robot,

I am not and I can't make magic happen. Well I wish I could, but so that's that's my challenge. And you know, I know we're all dealing with the same challenge getting kids back to school, getting back to a routine, and then it's just, oh my gosh, I'm getting them ready for back to school. I was like, you know what at this point, I'm an older mom. I just don't have it in me. I'm like, what

are the basics? What do you need? You know, they send you lists and you get all these emails, you get fifty million emails and you're just like, oh my gosh, I'm all. First of all, my inbox takes school out of it is filled with spam, and I'm tech challenge, So tell myself that so I can be lazy and not actually die into it and just do the work of getting all the spam removed. But I mean I

get spam for the weirdest things. And you, guys, I'm telling you, I mean you would think someone hears us, right, is it Alexa? Alexa? Is it Siri? Whatever? Is it? Amazon? Hears us? I don't know our computers, our phones, they somehow know what we look into and send us that.

You guys, I don't even watch porn, Like I get so much porn spam you would think for the amount of poop I talk about, I would get like mad spam and like lots of emails from like you know, I don't know, Keptobismo or like emodium or or something something like that. But no, I get like weird things. It's like, you know, how to increase the size of your penis? And I was like, listen, I feel like I'm a check who's got some big balls, not literally, but I don't have a penis, Like I don't need

to increase the size of my penis. Thank you. Can we get that removed? And it's just like all of those things like can't get it up. I'm like, I don't know what they think. You know, I am a woman in menopause, but there's nothing to get up, like I'm already I'm here. But anyway, first of all, so I get like tons of that crap. So I'm just like delete, delete, delete. And then you have the school emails, and you know they probably don't think most have five kids,

so you know, they're like, these are really important. You have to read every single email. And I'm inundated by emails daily, by so many things saying poor me here. You know this is I chose to have these five beings, and I'm in it for the long run till very data least. So yeah, that's my current life. You know, not to mention work. I mean, god forbid, you're not just a mom or a dad, you know, doing the

drop offs and doing the apparently things. You might actually have a job or you know, or a few four or five or you know, so still doing all of that. And the people are like, oh, I know, you know, you're going through a divorce, going through a lot of stuff. Personally, where's your me time? Like me time? Are you a kidding me? Like I wouldn't even have time for me time if I tried, but you know, it's just it's

a whole other thing. And then you know what I do envy a little bit, like moms are like, oh okay, And then I did a drop off and I got to the gym or I got to pull outies got to yoga, and I'm like, I did you take a moment, I do a deep breath to acknowledge how nice that sounds. Yep, but on the list future plans, but yeah, they're all back in school, so here you go. That's not gonna stop.

So yeah, I should get some sort of is there like a special rewards program for like you know they have frequent Flyer miles, like if I got frequent driver miles for as much as I am on the road. Again, like I am on the road, So if you see me out there driving here, driven there, drop off, pickup, drop off, pickup. Well, I know Stella is a junior this year in high school, and it's just you see the kids going back and doing the things and making the friends and going through all of the stuff. And

I want to say PTSD. I want to say it's triggering. No, I don't want to say it's PTSD. It's triggering. We all go back to when we were young. As much as things change, they don't change. It's the same thing. It's just you know, a different generation. I was like, okay, I finally, just when I think I have my day mapped out, I get the text because now she's a

junior or so. They get off campus passes, you know, because a lot of them drive, and she you know, as long as you keep your grades up and your attendance, which I'm in charge of getting her there, not thirty right, thirty five cool? You know, she gets off campus lunch pass. And she said to me the other day, not said because you know, the only text at this point, that's fine, you know, I hate She was like, it was basically

an so os and she was like, it's lunch. I didn't know, and all my friends have left campus and they're off, you know, having lunch. And I was like, well, text them, can they come back for you? And she's like, no, Mom, it doesn't work that way. You know. This one's with this friend group, this one's with her boyfriend. And I don't know what to do because I can't eat lunch alone. And I was like, oh, I feel your sister. Yeah, no, no, I don't think I've ever eaten lunch alone. That's a lie.

And you know I don't lie. I ate lunch one time. I actually went to a sushi restaurant, sat at the bar and ate lunch alone one time. Oh it was scary, did it? And I, you know, as the mom, you feel like you have to be like you can do this, you can, you got this, you know, just you know she can be on her phone during lunch and you know, I was like, it's a beautiful day and thought, this book out there right now by La, what is happening?

Ready for fall clothes? Nope? So hot here? But she uh, I was like, you know, find a shady place, just be on your phone, don't look up. No one's I try to tell her everyone is in because I went through this my whole life thinking like you know, a people mad at me, or they looking at me like me, or they wondering what is she doing like? And I was like, you know what I've learned trying to learn.

I tell myself this doesn't work. So Lisa, I'm telling her, I'm like, you know what, everyone is in their own head about their own lives, like what we think that they're thinking. They're not thinking, they're thinking about themselves, So don't worry. Like, you know, there's thousands of kids on campus, like, you know, nobody is looking and being like that girl's sitting alone lunch. But so I told her that and

she was like, no, no, I can't do that. And she said, Mama, I'm currently in the bathroom and she said, uh, I'm sitting here, you know, in a stall. And it all came crashing back to me and I was like, oh my gosh, I did that. And I said, well, I always try to find the silver lining. I don't like silver that much, you know, I like my techlics gold gold lining was blooming Gilver okay, Stella find the Gilver lining and god, I love mecalls Talus for the wind. Sorry,

I guess I tracked. I was like, you know, at least, I was like, you know, I try not to because I feel like people don't like when they are sharing their feelings and their experience. When you say, well this happened to me or when I've been through this, you know, they're like it kind of shuts people down. They want to be acknowledged for what they're going through. But I did not do that, and I jumped right in. I said, been there, done it, Gilver Lining, Stella, you have a phone.

Keep in mind, thirty plus years ago I did this. There were times when I was like, oh my god, my friends aren't here today at school. Oh my good eat lunch with and I'm like, what do I do? What do I do? Head of the bathroom? You know, you sit on the toilet, toilet seat down, seating off, fallen and legs up because no one wants to walk through and be like who is that? Look at your shoes, you know, criss cross apple sauce on the toilet, seats

lid down and you're on your phone Gilver Lining. When I did this thirty plus years ago, there were no phones, so I just had to sit there in silence, munching on my tuna sandwich. Oh my mom, it's tuna sage. So at least there was that, And you know me, I cope with jokes. And she didn't find it funny. She was like, mom, what do I do? So I

was like, all right, how long's lunch? I can be there in fifteen minutes and she's like, yes, please please, So I drove to campus, and she came out and sat in the car and was able to eat her lunch in the car with me. But I mean, come on, no one wants to sit in the car eating their lunch with their mom. Let's be real. Even though as it was happening, I looked over and there was a young man sitting with his dad having a subway sandwich, and I was like, oh my god, that's so cool, Like,

you know, it happens. She didn't find that cool, but you know, I'm you gotta just kind of try to walk them through it, even though it's like, oh, all the memories come back or you know, it's that thing like the classes. The classes were a big thing, big thing, like I didn't get this person in my class, and I was like, or this person's not very nice, this person gives me the stinking this person there's always a reason.

And I try to say, you know what, like this is setting the stage for life, Like you you're gonna go to work one day and there's gonna be people that you don't like and people that don't like you, and people that are going to be not kind. Because that's life, whether you know, it's a toddler a teen or an adult human should know better and be kind of people. Sorry, not better at all. We all go through it, still have to go to work. You can't say like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I can't

come into work. I can't be next to that person in a cubicle because they gave me the side eye and they told me like my shoes weren't cool. It's like, uh, imagine your boss is like, oh, I'm so sorry, let me move you right away. So that doesn't fly. I will be super grateful when my kids drive, because I'm circling back here. The drop offs, the pickups, I got five of them. You know, I was graced with five beautiful babies cut open five times for those c sections.

Give me something back. The older ones help me drive, help me do drop offs and pickups and everything in between. So my oldest, who is a boy, he has no desire to get his license. He's like, nah, I'm cool, Nah you can drive me, Dad can drive me. Uber's fine, taking an Uber. And I'm like, what's so interesting to me? Because when I was young, it's still young in heart. I couldn't wait to get my license, Like when I could get my permit. I was on it. Want when I get my license. I got it the day I

turned sixteen, and I was like out the door. I mean, granted, it was a whole different landscape. Granted it was a whole different golden world for me back then. And you know, I was lucky enough if I got a car, I got you know, all the bells and whistles. When I was growing up spelling, I still like wanted my license. And kids nowadays, I feel like there's we've made it so convenient for them to get places and do things and everything done for them. They don't care about getting

their license. It's like, ugh, I care, help me, help you, which helps me. But my six year old Stella, she really wants her license, super driven driven I brought back around. Oh godns just don't stop. I you know what, in a different lifetime, I would have crushed it being an advertising like screw mad men, mad women. Oh there's something there. Yeah, we'll work on that one. It's a good idea anyway. But yeah, I always got the puns. Any who, she

really wants it, and I don't know. When I was young, they offered it in school or you could sign up. You went and sat in glass. Everything's online now and yeah, so she's still working through the driving, Like she's like, mom, there's fourteen chapters. I'm like, still get through it. So yeah, she's close to it. Then she gets her permit and then you know, one day, one day she's gonna be able to drive. Everybody so happy. I can't wait for

that day. But until then that five drop offs, five pickups, and then the friends and then you know, at summer break, I feel like I'm always thinking, like during summer, I always want to see my friends and hang out. My kids want to be with me. Grateful, but you know, they just hung out. But school back in session. Everybody's like, oh, can you take me to the mall? The mall, Oh my god, the mall's the bane of my existence. So I'd say eight thirty five drop off, Oh the mall.

They all want to go to the mall, the mall. Can you drop me here? They don't want to go together now, and we're a close family unit. We still do everything together. But they have their friend groups and you know, the different ages, and they you know, can you drop me off here? Can you do this? Can they pick me up? And they have no concept of time.

I don't know where they got that from. They think like, again, I can transport and just be like, oh yeah, sure I can do this and pick this one up and drop that one off and then go to this one's house and yeah, whoa, it's a lot. I sound like I'm bitter about this. I'm not. And if you don't have kids, you're like, what the folk is she talking about? But so anyway, this podcast, this episode of Misspelling, is

brought to you by birth Control. Yeah, this is uh if you haven't had kids and you are like, what kids? And maybe I helped you out here, so yeah, this isn't planned b this is this is plan T. You're welcome. Every fan chuckled the.

across the street, I'll just take that. And I'm sure it's still mortified running across the street to get in the car, the car that had cut in front of.

lane because you're gonna be making a right. It was all lined up, and I'm like, everyone's going to that high school. Oh my god, we actually found a roundabout way. You have you have to think outside the box, even though unfortunately education in schools won't want to put you in a box. But you have to be creative. I got that in folds and we took a side street. But if I had been that freeway lineup, not only was she going to be tardy, she was gonna be

like hello, walking into period two. It would have been time to pick her up. I'm not kidding, it would have been. And I was just like, what is what is going on? And then once there's only so there's a freeway exit, there's a little roundabout street, but once you got on that main road, there's one way in, a long way out, and you got to get in that. There's no bypassing that. So if you're in line, you're in line, and you know she's going back and forth

with her friends. Where are you in line? Where are you? And it's like it's just it.

safely across the street. Cars stop, wait and you have to wait. And then when they flip and they're like yeah go, You're like, oh yeah, I men too. The loop. But I always think, you know, because I'm not a chess player, but life chess, I'm brilliant. So I'm like, okay, know your audience, know your crossguard, and I've gotten to know them well, and so think kill them with kindness, you know. So I always smile, I always acknowledge them.

I should, you know what, With all the time, free time I have on my hands here right, I would love to one day just be like, hey, man, what's your Starbucks order? Let me bring you something, you know, because I feel like that is a job that's not appreciated, that is a job that they're there. And I'm always curious what their backstory is because one of our schools there is a woman. But for the most part, all the schools there are men that I've encountered, and they're older.

So I'm like, oh, you know what, are they tired? Like I love people, so I love box stories and I mean, you know me, I always create. I'm a creator, I'm a producer. So in my head, I've already created their backstory. You know, where they've been, what they're doing, who they're with, you know, and then you know Aaron Spelling's daughter, I'm like, that's ad some intrigue and mystery. So there's only some scandal is going on yet on the things that get you through the day. But yeah,

they and there's two of them. I broke them down for a few years at our elementary school and they're you know what they're like, what are they at Buckingham Palace? The guards there? What is that? That's that's the British guards. They're the guards. And that's the thing like when you

see them, like they won't break character, right. You know, people go in and they're like they need to try to make them laugh and stuff, and they like nothing, right, they show no emotion, kind of like me, yeah, right, I wouldn't do well. I'd be like, she's just kidding. Tell the queen no, no, no no. But the crossing guards stone cold like they they just are there and they are serious. They're seriously they're doing their job. They are

protecting kids and parents, and I love that. But this is the first year that, you know, because I always I feel like parents are like no, no, no, they don't make eye contact. And I always, every single time when I'm going in, going out, I always turn to them. I smile and I say thank you. You know, I'm grateful. I don't say it in my head, communicate that with my smile in my eyes. Yeah. I want them to

know that it's not unnoticed what they do for our children. Wait, do they respond this year though, to it our elementary I not, and I smile. They've made eye contact. They're broken the mold of cross guards and they're now like yeah, and they acknowledge me and smile back, and I'm like winning.

But that loop. So I had a moment the other day where I was home and I was doing I think I was doing my podcast and I was doing OMG, and I had to get afterwards because then you know what schools like to fuck with us, and they're like, hey, by the way, parents, working parents out there in the middle of the week on a hump day, you know that day we're supposed to be like, we got this,

We're over the hump. We've climbed that mountain. Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday, that's supposed to be our day because it's all easy sailing after this Thursday Friday. They're like, nope, think again, we're gonna fuck with you now. So on Wednesdays it's called minimal dates. Yep, that's a thing that wasn't there when I went to school. And it's an early day.

So you know, for all of us that work schedules, for all the parents out there, nine to five jobs, not only are we going to make it difficult for you know, drop offs and pickups, but now on Wednesdays we're going to be like, it's about three o'clock anymore. It's twelve today, yeah, and you're like, what what do you do? It's like in the middle of the day and there's no aftercare. Maybe it's some schools they have aftercare. I'm not sure. My schools are public schools. There's no aftercare,

so you can't say I'm so sorry I'm working. Can my child go into aftercare, you know for a couple hours, Like nope, this is the pickup time. You got fifteen thirty minutes, mac Or they're going the front office, and I don't want to go to the front office. I'm not human that if I have to go to the front office, I go right back to my like thirteen year old self, where I'm like terrified. I walk in,

always make eye contact. My parents talk me well, but I make eye contact, but I will Yeah, I miss Michelle. I you know, it's still you know, I'm very proper, and I'm freaking terrified because I'm like, I'm a school. Oh my god. I feel like I'm a kid, and the teachers, the staff, the principal. I'm constantly like, I'm I'm in trouble to hate me. What I do wrong is again, I don't like to break rules, conventional rules. I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't want to go

the principal's office. Never been there. I'm not going to do it now with my kids. But like, yeah, I walk in and I'm just like my hands are together, shoulders back. I'm very like prim and proper and turn into a thirteen year old version of myself wanting to like stay in line because I'm talking to my elders, who most of them are like younger than me. So it's like weird, it's such a weird echonomy, like what's happening? But yeah, so Wednesdays, Wednesdays are a bitch, like a

Melrose tagline. No Mondays, it's We're Wednesdays nine two and oh Melrose was after and then switched to Monday. AnyWho the loop? Yeah, the loop? They don't. Yeah, you go into that one loop and they have staff there and teachers aides that are all you know, they are dedicating so much God blessed teachers and teachers' aides and everyone who works with the school system. They give so much, honestly.

And you pull in though, and they it's you know, they got to keep you moving because of the hundreds of cars you've seen line up, lined up, So you pull into the loop. Once you're in that loop, they are like, move forward, get your kids, move forward, move forward, move forward. So you know, most parents are like strolling and chat and I want to be the chatters. People like me and I want to say hi to everyone, but I'm also panicked that, you know, I'm not following

protocol and I got to move my car up. So going back, circling back, I was doing OMG, doing my podcast and I looked and I was like, oh my god, it's time to go. I got to go to pick up. Oh my god, to be their inten minutes get there. I get there in ten minutes at this school that

I'm talking about, and then there's the line. So I'm waiting in the line, waiting in the line, and it just again, timing isn't feasible with all my pickups and drop offs with all five, but you know, you add on the hundreds of cars waiting in the line to get in there, and you're like, okay, now I'm even more screwed. But I ran out of the house because I was like, do you get oh when I have to be in that line, because I have ten minutes to get to Stella. After that, it's fifteen minutes away

go and I'm not gonna lie. I ran out of the house with no shoes and I got there and I was like, you know what, because if it's like a moving fluid day, they have someone there and they will open the car door and put him in the car. When I got there, it was like, ooh, mad house again. First week weeks of school and things are not running smoothly yet. So I got there and I see Bo, and first of all, I was like, oh, look at Bo. He's a big man on campus now because Finn just

moved on to middle school this year. So Bo has no siblings at his elm ntry, so he has to like said for himself, you know before be like the sibling picks the other one up and the older one and walks theto the car. And yeah, so Bo's just like he's in first grade. He's thrust out there. He's the gladdest dinosaur backpack, one of those wheelly ones with rappets in it. Love you Amazon super cheap too, just

like anything and everything so Amazon Prime. We got here in a day because I'm not a playing I didn't think ahead before school started. Anyway, I get there, I see Bo and he is in a circle with friends and he's chatting and I'm doing that mad mom wave and I'm like, see if he sees me? And you d have seen me because you love me? Were in my eyes and then kept looking and that is like, you know, you're like hoy, and he just like looks and looks past you and keeps looking like as if

you're like not there. And I'm like, oh my gosh, he has to see me. He has to start to walk towards the car. I have no shoes on. I can't get out of the car. And I look forward and they're like, move up, move up, we got a line, and I'm like, oh my god. Panic. So I full on felt like I pulled a Brittany moment. I jumped out of the car, no shoes on, and just like ran to him and I'm like, you know, you got to you gotta go in nice always a positive before

and negative. And I was like, hy buddy, what's your day. You're having fun. Let's get the car, you know kind of thing. But you know, and uh and in my head, which again as I tell Stella, think about their own stuff, they're not looking at you. They're not Now. I was to spelling, running at full speed, sweating, panicked, holding up a line at a public school. Everyone was looking at me. Let's be honest, with no shoes, with no shoes and all I know is. I was like, of course, visual me.

I'm like, oh my god, Britney spears in the gas station, no shoes, like walking, Oh my gosh, all those false headlines. This toy's been homeless, Oh my god, like you know, down her luck, you know, and now she's walking the streets no shoes. This girl has lost it. Oh, not to mention, it's like one hundred degrees right now. So my tootsies were burning this. If all this fails, I'll never be able to go on feet Finder now yeap, my soul's are born up. But that's the whole other story.

I'll think about that later. But yeah, yeah, and I know, I know people were like, h yeah, I knew she'd come undone. Obviously, I'm still thinking about it. But yeah, so I grabbed him. You can grab him, like come on, come on, come on, because he's got the wheelie, so you know he's doing fine. But you know, my people criticize me on social media. Someone zoomed in and people

say this all the time. No one's looking at that, no one's looking I'm a detailed person to begin with, as you know, but people, I'm like people screenshots stories, they zoom in on stuff they find the weirdest thing that everyone's like, no one's ever gonna notice that. They notice. So always in the back of my head, someone was like, hits are hard on their shoes. We know that. And honestly, like, I don't know what people think of me. I'm a normal mom. Like my kid has one bear, you know,

he has one bear of crocs. He wears a home. He has to have ten shoes for school. He has one pair of sneakers and he's worn them ragged. He just bought a new pair for the school year, but I can't forget last year when piece of his like I mean they were Nike, they were chic oh yellow and black, they're sweets. Anyway, he like was harming on them. He plays, he runs, and that is one pair of sneakers, and you know, it was like ripping up in the front. And so I was like, oh my god, Like, what's

wrong with you as a mom? Buy your kid a new pair of shoes. You know, I can't believe you let your kids go out lips. This is horrific, Like torn up shoes. I'm like what I mean, I'm like what, But I'm like, oh, shoot, holding onto that one comment. So hey, whoever put that comment on my Instagram, I still think about you boo anyway. So I'm like, oh, great, first that, now I'm like run across the schoolyard on public street with no shoes. How is your week,