It's I Do Part two, one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly ben Simone, And today I am so excited because my gorgeous daughter, gorgeous and smart daughter Teddy ben Simone is joining me on the pod. Hi Teddy, Hi mom, Hi angel my princess girl. Look at you. Okay, let's get started, ted So this is Iety Part two. We're talking all things love. Okay, do you like to talk about love? Teddy?
I love love. I'm a lover.
Are you a lover?
Yeah? I'm like a romantic person. I love love.
I love that you look very beautiful.
Thank you.
That's set up for the audience. What kind of mother daughter dynamic? What would you say? We have?
We are mother daughter, we are you and see are more like friends? Oh? We are like mother daughter?
And what does that mean? Exactly?
Like you're my mom and I'm your daughter, and we are a mother daughter. You gave birth to me.
I did I exist now.
It was the easiest birth. It was the easiest. I had a tricky sandwich and so good. We're like. I didn't want anyone to touch you. It was like do not. I don't remember, Kenny, but I love turkey sandwiches. They're delicious. How would you describe our relationship. I mean, I think I definitely see you as my daughter mom.
We have a mother daughter relationship, Like you're my mom. Obviously I love you. Obviously, I think you're fabulous, but obviously you're my mom.
Like, I'm going to be annoyed with you sometimes, I'm going to think you're cringe. I'm going to think you're embarrassing. I'm going to think you're annoying. I'm also going to think you're so bad. I'm gonna be like, oh my gosh, I'm annoyed.
I love that. I love that you think I'm cringe. That makes me so happy. It makes me so unhappy, like, oh my god, my daughter called me cringe. To me, that's like music to my ears. Because it's like, I don't I want you to I want you to learn from my mistakes. I don't want you to just think that my mistakes are okay. What do you think about mistakes, Teddy?
I think mistakes are great. Your mistakes mm hmmm, I mean they're not mine.
I mean, like I feel.
As though I'm sad that you had to experience those mistakes because I think that some mistakes that you've experienced or made were ones that had consequences that were not the most fabulous or pleasant.
You know, obviously, like when you make a mistake or you make a choice, you can't always foresee what the future is going to be. That's why we make.
Choices and make decisions, and then you know, you make me the one once the outcome happens. But I'm because I've seen the consequences of your mistakes so far, I know to not make those same choices.
I'm a single parent, as you know, I'm your single mom. As I know I'm yes, I present to you as the both the mother and you have it. You have a dad, but as I present to you as the mother and the father, so I take care of you. I'm your provider, I'm your I'm your I'm your rock. I mean, I'm you know, we love, we love your dad, and we understand my mother very very good.
At and my dad is my dad like I have a father. You're not like a.
Father, yes, but you have me as your parent. So let's talk about like some mistakes because I'm actually really curious and I think this is a talk about them. Why not talk about them with on a podcast that's really helped me to be a better version of myself. So I love that what kind of mistakes have I made? Don't make me cry?
I think you've made mistakes in your romantic partners before.
Absolutely. I think that your biggest mistake is you don't.
I think something you can still learn from is that you need to when someone tells you this is wrong. I think this is a bad choice. I think this is a bad person. Whatever, it's be wise to listen to them, because obviously I think that it's a big I mean, that's a big thing to say to someone because in everyday life, when someone tells you that's a bad choice, you'd be like, what do you know? You're not mean, you're not living my life, you don't know my experience, you don't know me.
No one knows you better than yourself. But I think that listening to friends and family.
Or you know, hey, this person is not a great choice for you. Knowing that people who love and care about you are telling you to lead this person, maybe that should.
Be something that you should listen to more in life.
Like if people say don't do it, you shouldn't be like, what do you know?
You're not me. You could be like, why do you say that.
I'm not like, oh my god, let me be a martyr because I need to be a martyr. I'm not like that.
I don't think it's martyrdom though. I think it's just you know, making a choice. For example, you know, you you you had a romantic partner when I was younger, friends and family told you maybe this is not a good choice, you know, and instead of necessarily saying, you know what, I'm going to listen to what you have to say, why do you say this to you, were
just like I'm gonna continue doing this instead. I mean, I wasn't saying anything because I was younger, But I think that, like, if you had listened to those people at that time, you wouldn't have made so many mistakes later when I say that you've made mistakes, and what I mean is that, you know, I think that you have. I think in romantic situations, I think that you either give someone way too many chances or you give them like no leash at all, and you don't, like you
like the tiniest thing. You're like, oh my god, I hate that I'm writing them off, and it's like whoa you know, you know, he used.
The wrong fork at dinner. I mean actually pretty bad. But whatever.
No, that's a different thing, because I think i'd be like, there are your manners, but no, but not everyone knows about you know, table manners. And then not using the right fork at dinner. But it's a tiny fork, solid fork.
Hello.
No, no, But what you were saying about about picking and choosing people and giving them too many chances, I think too that one of the things that I was doing is that although I was saying and presenting myself saying that I was looking for someone to share my life with and to when I you know, I mean from you know, from like from the minute I got divorced, I was like, you know what, I want a better life for my girls. I want a better life for
my girls. And that's always what I wanted. And I was so concerned that you guys would not have a better life than what my parents gave to me that I didn't see men for actually for who they were. I was so laser focused on you guys and providing for you that, you know, if they were the nicest guy, I didn't see them. If they were the worst guy, I didn't see them like I literally did not see who they were. I mean, people would make mistakes or they would do things, and I was like, you know,
I just wasn't I wasn't present, I wasn't available. I was So you know how they talk about like, you know, dating unavailable guys, Well, these all the guys that I was going on dates with or I was in relationships were with a highly unavailable woman. And that was me.
Yeah, I know, but I think that you also know. I know you know, my mom, I'm aware. I think that you.
Have this idea of what your perfect person is in your brain and you.
See yourself as like you're like, Okay, this is me and this is what I want.
And I'm fifty seven, fifty seven, and I feel like I've lived this long, and I've waited this long. I still should have exactly what I want. I should be able to have my cake, I should be able to eat it, and I should be able to share with everybody.
And in reality, that's not the way life works.
That's not where the way romance works, and that's not the way finding a partner works.
I'm a firm believer.
In like you, I always sew like my friends like and I'm even tell you this all the time, where it's like you have to think of your perfect person and your brain and say, like you're ten things or twenty things that you want in your perfect person, whether it's physical traits, like intellectual traits, emotional traits, mental traits, all these things. Put them on on a piece of paper and then like cut them in and like cut a third of them away and like get take off
like a third of them, be like okay. And that's more of a reality of like what people are. Because if you're expecting to have your perfect person, then you need to understand that you would eat to be.
Saying that you are a perfect person. Or I always say to you, think.
Of your ideal man and then think of his ideal woman, and are you that person?
I love that. I love that when you say that. So if you're talking about my dear deal man, and I think, I love you so much and I really appreciate you saying those beautiful things. What what do you think are three to five things that you think that I kind of what kind of three to five characteristics that you think that I needed a man.
I think you need someone who is patient. I think you need someone who is understanding and someone who is intelligent.
I love that is that three understanding of what that's three understanding of what my emotions, understanding of the world, like understanding understanding.
Of like you and your experiences and like Like an understanding person doesn't mean that they understand a certain thing, but they're willing to They're not the kind of someone who's understanding is not going to be like you say, X, y Z thing happens.
They're not going to react immediately.
They're going to think about all these other things and all these other factors, and then they're going to make a judgment after. It's just someone who's not really reactive, and they are very much so the kind of person who looked at the bigger picture and looks at it and takes everything else and puts it together to make their decision.
You know, it's interesting because I, you know, one of the So there's two things that I that happened when I when I go on a date. The first thing is that they asked me about Scary Island. Not like what happened. So I'm like, Okay, obviously.
Why are you dating men that know about what scary Island? I couldn't even tell you what happened on Scary Island. I couldn't tell you what happened.
I actually like it because it means that they have a genuine interest in me. So I think that's kind of.
Ish.
And the second thing they asked me is oh my god, like, you're so busy on social and you're in you know, you're like, what do you do for a living?
Where are you finding these people?
It's just that's just how people. That's how men in their fifties, that's how they respond. That's what they's maybe go from a man in his sixties.
This is bizarre, mom. I'm not kidding. If a man like that would be shocking to me. If I went on a date with someone and they were like, how was this big fight that you had with people?
I would be like, what do you what do you talking?
Can you remember that I'm in my fifties so it's like we're the same age. So they're kind of trying to ask me things that are really like relatable. That's what they're trying to do.
I don't think that would be these are that would be I think it's the red flag if they're like, hey, how was going on scary Island you. I would be like, what, like I've that would be shocking to me. Mom, I'm in my twenties. I've never had a guy on any date ever asked me what it was like to have.
A parent be on a Bravo show I love you well. They don't even ask me about, like, are you close to your parents?
I'm like yeah, and they're like, okay, great, because one part of you on a TV show is so like that, if that even part of you even still exists in you right now, it's so small and insignificant. It's stupid to me that that would even be a question that someone would ask, And they need to be gone.
Teddy Beautiful.
I'm sorry, that's bizarre.
So what do you think about the men I've dated recently? What are your thoughts?
I like them, the ones that I've met, I like.
So you think I'm making better choices, absolutely, even the ones that cheat, cheat is going cheat.
I think that.
You're okay with cheaters.
Who is okay with cheaters?
No one, no one.
I'm not okay with cheaters.
Like I feel as though when you cheat in the legitimate cheating way, that is hideous and that is the worst thing you could Like, I know for a fact that if I got cheated on, I would be I would be so upset. If I was truly in love with that person, I'd be so upset with them number one, because I'd be like, you ruin this forever, I'll never be able to ever trust you again and will never be able to together.
It's done.
Like I know that myself to be transparent with you.
You know.
That's one of the reasons why I do have such a guard up when it comes to dating, is because I have been cheated on so much, and you know, I put you guys first, and I'm a you know outside you know, in my business world, I wore my business hat. But when it's family time, as you know, it's all family, all you guys.
And plus the phone, the phone is a family member. That's my other sister, that's your stepsister. Yeah, she's evil.
You know what I'm.
Always on the phone texting is because I didn't want to be calling. I didn't want to be talking on the phone with you guys, And that's why I would text all the time. It's because I didn't want you guys to think that I wasn't listening to you.
But you weren't. You were texting on the phone.
Always listening. I listened to everything you think. You think I don't listen to what you're saying. I listened to absolutely wem.
I will ask you.
You'll be on the phone or whatever, and I'll say, Mom, what I just say? You say one second? And I'll say, I never said one second?
My favorite one you guys, Mom'm getting a tattoo. I'm like, I see, see, why are you getta gettato? Why is that I'm getting tattooed?
See?
Always will do the craziest thing whenever you're on the phone ignoring us. She will be like, okay, let's say, what's the craziest thing I could say to upset her?
Right? I'm like, she doesn't even care tattoo.
She's like, I'm going to get tattoo on my forehead of you know something inside?
How do you how do you like?
Okay?
Tell how do you feel about? How do you feel when I introduce you two different two men? How do you feel? How does it make you feel?
Sometimes I'm like I should I never really care. I'm like trying to be nice and friendly, and I was like, hey, how are you?
But I also it's never I.
Think it is because I'm you know, I'm twenty Yeah, I just turned twenty five.
I'm twenty five now weird.
But like, how did you know when you were younger? How did you know that it was someone that I liked what I met them? But how did you know that I was them? I mean, you met a lot of men from like I mean there I know a lot of males that are like you know a lot of I mean, I work with a lot of gay men.
I was aware of they were gay. Mom, I wasn't thinking that broadly. Your hairdresser who I was, clearly he was clearly gay. I wasn't like, are you getting my mom? Like I was aware. I knew, you explained to me, and I knew.
Do you miss? Is there anyone that I dated that you miss?
Can I say the name?
Well, you can't say their name, but you can describe them.
They were someone you went to college with Columbia and they.
Are my favorite always?
Oh yes, he's so.
Because also Grandpa loved him so much, and Grandma loved him so much, and everyone in the family loves him.
What do you like about him?
He is I think my biggest thing with him was just like he's such a family oriented guy in the way where it's like he loves he loves you, but he also loves our family and he loves me like see, he loves me, he loves like he knows and love or loved Grandpa and Grandma, and he knows like your siblings and your siblings all like him. And I found him to be like super fun and like lighthearted, but also I don't know, I just feel like he really fit in. And I thought he was a really good
match for you. And I like how I liked the person you were.
When you were with him.
I obviously love you always, but I think that he brought out a really good side of you.
So when I when I broke up with him or when we stopped dating, is.
So mad at you? I was so mad. I was like, Mom, how.
Did you find out? How did I tell you?
You told me? I was like, where is he? We should go?
Because he didn't live here, didn't he didn't leave all the time, he like lived here, and then he moved back because he was done working whatever he's doing here. He moved back, and I was like, oh, when are we seeing him again or whatever, and you were like, uh, I guess I don't know. Whenever you want. I was like, what do you mean, what do you mean whenever I want?
Like that?
Why is it in my court? And you were like, we're all not seeing hither anyone. I was like why, and he told me and I was like, that's a stupid answer.
He's such a great guy. He's such a great guy. And you know, again, I am looking for consistency too. So it's like, just because he's a great guy doesn't mean that he's consistent.
Well, not everyone's consistent in life. Are you consistent?
I'm pretty consistent, pretty clousten. I have like I have one I have like one path that I follow and then sometimes I go off of it a little bit.
But so that's not being consistent. You literally we're like, I'm consistent. I do one thing all the time, but sometimes I don't do that thing.
I think that what I really liked about him as well, and what I and what you liked is that, yes, he's super family oriented, which is something that's super important to you and I and to your sisters see it, and to my parents, and I know the most will say that was like that is something that lacks with a lot of men that I that I have dated,
is that they just aren't family oriented. They just are feeling gorgeous and think that you know, they're going to be you know, loving, you know what they think that they're they're attaching themselves to some kind of like you know, Disney movie and we're real life, and it's just very you know sometimes it's really it makes me very sad because I can see that they are not taking the relationship seriously and that they want to just be like with Kelly Bensma, which is really well.
I hear that. I'm not gonna lie.
I don't want to burst your bub and I don't want to expose you every single guy you've dated, besides obviously because Dad is different, every since guy you've dated, the reason why you broke up with them or things I ended was because you said they weren't interested in dating me. They were interested in dating tell you Bensmom every time. And I know what it's like to feel like you've been used like people will. I've had people use me, try to use me for my parents my
whole life. I literally had to end up end the friendship two months ago because I found out.
That per person was trying to use me or.
Was whatever, like that was upsetting and disappointing and people are going to do that, but I can't. And I was actually talking to somebody o the day and I was saying, she was like, oh, why are you so because when people first meet me, I'm pretty closed off. I always said, like I never I don't like anyone.
I don't know.
That's what I always say. And she was saying, she's like, you can't be like that. You need to be more open people. And I explained to her. I was like, well, I just immediately seen that someone's going to try to use me for my parents or whatever.
And she was And then when I explained that to her, and she's like, actually, that makes sense because like my parents, no one's trying to use me for my parents, and like that's just the tea. Obviously.
There are some friends that I have and people that I know, a lot of people that I know that I never was scared about that because I've known them for so long. Most people from New York, I'm like, you guys don't care, so it doesn't really matter. My friend from high school, my friends from like my childhood friends, my friends from life, some of my friends from college, like whatever.
But I think that it's a negative.
It's a bad way to live life when you immediately assume that everybody wants to use you or everyone wants things from you. Some people will want to use you and some people will want things from you. That's just the way life is. Not everyone's a good person, and I don't think you should assume everybody's a good person, but you shouldn't always assume that they're a bad person.
And it's not like.
It's either you say that they're you always say they're either using you or wanted to take Kelly Bensimon, not you know Kelly or whatever Kiki. And they are competitive with you, like they want to be you, which I think.
Is it's true. It's very very strange and competitive, Like I don't mean like competitive like they want to, you know, run down the street and embrace me. Competitive like to see like how many how many women they've dated, or how many women look at them at a restaurant or it's very really really off putting.
Do you find yourself on dates talking about men being attracted to a lot and a lot of men find you attractive and like being you know, sexy, never okay, because then I would say.
So when it comes to dating, what kind of questions do you think that I should be asking them?
Like you should be asking if you could go to dinner with anybody dead? Who?
Who do you want to go to breakfast but that's dead? Who do you want to go to lunch with that's dead? And who do you want to go to dinner with that's dead? And who do you want to get a drink with after dinner that is dead?
Who is dead? Sorry I said that people that are lying that's wrong. Well you can't.
I like I would be like, oh my gosh, I want to go to I want to have breakfast with like Napoleon, right, maybe I'll have breakfast Julius Caesar.
Yeah, I'm not sure. Maybe better breakfast time, Teddy Roosevelt's getting lunchtime. For sure.
I whenever I go on a date with anyone, I find out so much about them and not like you know, you know, when I when I started the podcast, they were like, okay, ask about like how many wives they've had, why they broke up? And I'm just like, you know what that'll be an organic conversation that they'll so I just asked them questions about themselves. Every single guy that I've ever gone into a date with my first day has said the exact same thing.
But do you always.
Only person that's ever asked me about myself? That what didn't feel like an interview? And I'm thinking to myself, Okay, well, these guys are you, but like what about Like, yeah, I'm glad that they're feeling gorgeous. That's really nice for us.
Well, I think that are you going on dates with these people? Are you dating to marry or are you damed just find a partner.
So when when you guys were younger, I would just go on dates to go on date.
When you were younger, you were going on dates and then you want to find a husband at some point.
I know this in my mind. When you guys were younger, I would I would say to myself things like when I was doing my headstands that like the things that I was grateful for are obviously the wellness of my parents, and the wellness of you guys, and the wellness of the relationship of my future relationship with my husband, like that, those are the things that I would always say I would always be grateful for when I was doing head stands,
always constant. I clearly did not date anyone that I would that was marriage material, That's for sure.
Did people who are.
Marriage material, you just sometimes would leave them. I couldn't name like five of them who I think would be great husbands.
I was a big real I love that five men.
See and I have ranked them. We've gone through the list. This was number one.
Our number ones are different, but we're we have pretty similar lists overall. Right, But I think that you now, I feel like you're still talking about like your future husband. I am a pretty traditional person. I was like, I want to get married and I want to have children, and obviously don't want to get divorced. But if divorce is the thing, whatever you know, you move, you shake, you move forward, you try to do you pay it.
Why is it that you have that person? No but serious? Why is it that you feel like that about divorce Because a lot of kids had such you know they have they have so much emotional baggage associated with their divorce. Do you feel like do you feel like the divorce that your dad and I have?
What know what you guys like.
Because I was so young already, I have no memory of my parents being together, so I was never like, well, well.
Got my parents were together, because I was like, my parents are never together. Hello. I was just like, Okay, my mom's here, my dad lives here, and that's the vibe, and that was it.
I mean, I think that, but I think that you are still looking for like a husband, even though you're not going to have children with a man anymore.
You're not you can't have kids anymore. Sorry, you can't.
I'm saying, just like, like, obviously, romance is a thing, but I think that if you don't share children with someone, you don't need to marry with them.
I think for now you could. Just what you're looking for is who do I like? Who is this person.
Who's my life partner? Obviously, if I hate the guy, that's a problem. If she hates the guy, that's a problem. Like we've seen before. If he doesn't like someone, maybe we should listen to her. But I think that bottom line, you need to look for a life partner and someone that you can like, live and grow oled with. Like, think about when you are no longer this you know, Diba that you see as yourself now and when you, you know, are old.
And you can't do anything, you can't you maybe you are like we'll be in a wheelchair.
I don't know that's for my future.
No, I'm not.
I just like I think that, like you need to think about like a long term and that in his way, like I I think that you need to get out of New York because clearly you know everyone in New York. It's a very small town. I know everyone in New York. I'm twenty five. I'm like, I don't want to know any of you anymore. Maybe look somewhere else.
But I feel like you want to be with that person all the time. I don't know why. I feel like you want to be like in the same I can't.
I'm not. I'm not. I can't do a long distance like I mean, especially now.
That I'm no problem.
But Teddy, I'm like living in my own apartment for my for the first time in how many years? Almost twenty five years, twenty six years, Okay, and I miss you every day, by the way, I miss you.
No Miami, by the way, No Miami, You're not getting a guy from Miami. You're not getting a guy from you can date a guy from Actually, no, you can't date a politician. You'd be the worst politician's wife.
Why why would.
I have you chat and also the politician.
Honestly, if you're dating a politician or you're marrying a politician, they need to be the star. You clearly want to be the star. You need to be the star.
You cannot be like You're.
Like, I want to be the star of or relationship. You think I'm the peacock.
You are the peacock. You think you're not the peacock. Delusions of grandeur. Mom, you are the peacock. I love you.
So Basically, I need to look for people that aren't stealing my life.
No, why why do you think everyone's taking something from you?
Because they do.
No, you need to say someone.
I want someone to to support me and be there for me and be a cheerleader.
They're like, oh my god, how about with my business. Here's a business card for your for your friend at the Dick's game. I'm like, what are you doing? Like did you just give that person business card? Have you ever seen me? Hold on?
Hold on?
Have you ever seen me solicit for real estate in public? Ever?
What does that even know? And that's like a weird way to put things. By the way, thank you, Okay.
But that reference what you just made, I get it. That person was not for us. We know.
Next no soliciting a solictening in public.
My firm believer mom, that you need to stop, like you need to obviously you've had these many experiences with all these different guys or whatever.
Many experiences different that was like hideous you've did' that.
Was horrible like that?
Likel No, you've dated some people.
Okay, I have dated and people.
But I think that you do.
This thing where you take the baggage from the first this relationship and you bring it.
Into the next one like I do a very new person. This person could.
Be like the best guy on the planet, and you like, assuming that he's the worst is not going to be great.
Well, I don't like the whole idea of trauma bonding. So when a guy says to me, my my eggs white, how horrible my life?
But that's not trauma bonding. They're trying to open up to you. Men can be emotional, men can cry.
If men have have hardships and they're like, hey, I had this really tough time.
I don't want a trauma bond. I don't want them to be.
Like trauma bonding is when you are doing going through something hard together and then you truma you bond.
But I feel like, but I'm using trauma bond like they have a trauma. This how they how it's used in a relationship is like one person has a trauma, the other person has a trauma, and so they try to like bond.
But that's the way of connecting with people.
Like there's so many people like that have like so many of my friends or like I've only by the way, I've only dated guys that have divorced parents.
Why why why? Because I don't know if they come to me, I don't know. No, I don't know, no idea why. But I've literally any guy I like dated or like really like because they're.
No I think that I don't know why, but I think that also like to bond over a shared experience, Like Okay, you know what it's like to have divorced parents.
Do you know what it's like to raise your to be divorced?
You know what it's like to have kids with a different whatever, and like deal with that situation, Like those are it's not trauma bonding and it's not with them like try to manipulate you.
It's a way to connect. Oh, we we have this shared experience.
So what if I met a guy who was living in another state and.
I moved where? What? Move? Where? Would state?
Move?
Move where? I don't know. I'm just wondering, like how you would feel?
Like, are you moving to like Massachusetts? That's not happening.
No, I'm just wondering, like how you could you.
See yourself living in any other state? By the way, I feel like you do not belong anywhere but New York.
I love California. I love the lifestyle of California. I love it. I've never lived there. I've never lived there.
I think New York is a hard place to like. New York City is like a hard place to grow old. Sorry to bring it up again. I don't know why bring it out.
That's a main me.
What kind of guy do you think I should be with?
I think you need someone who I think Are you saying what I think you want or what I think you need?
What do you think I need? First of all, what do you think I need? And then I want to hear what you think I want.
I think you need someone who is maybe ten years your senior, ten years, maybe sixty seven even maybe even like like literally or even seventy.
Okay, no joke, I'm sorry.
I think you need someone who's older because I feel like you obviously were married to dad who was way.
Older than you at the time. We're so older than he was now, but like it was like he was double your age.
At the time, and you got engaged or were first seeing each other now so, and then after the divorce you're like, I'm only gonna with the guys who are younger than me. But you need to realize, like you were, you were doing guys who were younger than you, ten years younger than five years anger than you, and you were seeing these guys who were not developed mentally like anyway, like when like I think that the older say, well,
I mean you did. I mean at some point you were dating a guy who was in his twenties before his frontal lobe was developed.
Men's front hold lobes development when they're twenty eight.
Very nice human, Oh my god, beautiful human.
Well not, that's not the one I'm talking about.
I've talked about that though. He's a beautiful human.
I'm talking by the other one pre him, but there are so many different Like I think that you really should be with someone who's older than you, at least ten years, because they are older and they have lived life and they have experiences and they know that, like they knew what they want.
Let's just whold on, let's just clarify it, because I don't want that because when I was you know, I was, I was divorced when I was in my like, so when I was dating someone in there late twenties, that didn't seem like so.
No, yeah, it was like thirty.
Seven twenties there, Like it sounds like you're like.
My reference was thirty seven to twenty seven.
You try to make me into like Caroline Sansbury, Like.
Now I'm not even sure who that is, but thirty seven to twenty seven that was the thing, and twenty seven is one.
Year before twenty eight. That's what I was referencing.
By the way, everybody, okay, but yeah, I don't hear it.
Whatever.
I think that you need someone who's older. I think you need someone who is.
Athletic, like likes to like, likes to ski, likes to do things that you like to.
Do, but I think you need someone who is the exact opposite of you.
They are interested in.
They're interested in science and maths, or they work in or they worked in.
Maybe someone who's retired, you.
Know, someone who doesn't work anymore and they just want to like have a slow vibe or they have they're not working anymore, but they're still actively doing things. I
think you need someone who's philanthropic. I think what you actually need is someone who's a little bit more than what you are in every single thing, Like someone who's a little bit smarter than you, someone who's a little bit more film topic than anymore, someone who's a little bit more a family person, someone who's like almost better than you what every single thing that you pride yourself
as being good at or whatever. Because I feel like that's the only way you'll actually respect that person is if there's when you can actually look up to and learn from. Because it feels like whenever you've had someone who's not as much as you are in any certain kind of way, you are like.
Oh my god, how do you not know they're so not whatever? Do you know what I mean?
Maybe someone someone that is a little bit better than not like who's.
Better than you, but like you know, can kind of one up you, like a one up basically.
I don't know.
I think that that's the way, like the way that you think. I don't really sometimes I understand your brain, but I think that that's what you would need.
And I think maybe someone who has grandkids.
I don't know, but I feel like the one that you respect someone is because someone if they are so you even it's better than you, which is a weird way.
But I don't know why you're like that, but I think maybe something who eyes like they have they have kids that are older where it's like they're older than me, like kids in their thirties and they have children.
I ask when on my first on the first dates, like I ask these questions to you know, the guys I'm going to dates with, because I do want to learn from them. I do want to I do want them to teach me new things and to teach me how to be better and teach me, you know, just teach me new things. And I it's and I I feel like sometimes it's like I'm always the one that's kind of nurturing them or like that's where like I fall onto that trap where but I.
Think you like to nurture, you are like a mother.
I want to be I want someone to I genuinely tenny. I want obviously the first thing. I just want to be loved like hands, like really genuinely loved, like not how not, like you know, fake love, like real love. Then I want to be protected. I want someone to protect me. I want someone to protect me. I want someone I want to feel like they have my back. And I don't feel like a lot of men have
my back. I feel like the men that I've dated in the past are always looking to the side to see what I can bring to them or what's around the corner for them. And I'm being honest, okay, and it really hurts. I mean I'm you know, that's hurtful.
That's horrible.
I make a lot of fun about it, but it really hurts, and it really hurts my feelings when like, for example, like I'll never forget like when I was in Scary Island and I was filming Scary Island and I was just like this, these people are this is this is this is bad news. This is not gonna be this is not going to farewell. And so after I left, I literally broke up with the guy that
I was dating, who was such a nice person. And I broke up with him because I was just like, this is not going to be good for you.
Did I meet that guy?
Yes?
Was he cooking things?
Yes?
I think that that guy was not meant I mean loved. He was so nice.
It doesn't matter if he was like great for me or not. I broke up with him because I was like, I need to protect myself and I need to protect him, and I don't want to do that. I want to protect a man. I want them to protect me. I want them to be like, you know, whatever is happening, don't worry about it, kid, I've got this.
But I feel like you've met guys who are like that. Oh you you dated guys who are like that, who are willing to protect you all these things. I think that if you want to.
Be good to see them like that. Maybe we want to.
Be loved, mom, Everyone wants to be loved. I want to be loved.
I love love love.
I loved you love people. Okay, loving is being loving people. Sharing your love, showing people how much you love them is one of the most like It literally is like an adrenaline rush when you like, are you know, are are you? You're in the moment of, you know, showing one of your love languages to somebody. It's like when you feel like you're giving somebody else love. It's such a it's such an amazing feeling to love somebody romantically or platonically and to share that love with them.
It's one of the best feelings.
All right, what do you think my love languages?
I think it love languages gift giving I do.
I love to give gifts, not because.
But it's not always about a big price. I think it's also like, hey, I thought about.
I just love to do something for someone. Most people when they gift give gifts, they buy things. When I give a gift, I actually think about it, think about that person. And you know, like even the other day watching you for your birthday and just seeing how excited you got. You're so excited.
That was the worth of they gift though, that was you don't think that's a gift. No, oh mom, Wow, we know when.
You get those kind of gifts or when I see you so happy, that makes me really really happy.
I know, I could talk because you're like get the shoes things, get that. And I was like, ooh, but I think that you are a gift giver. But I also think you like to receive gifts. You do not. You're not a big physical touch person.
Actually that's why you are a big touch You're so touchy. You're like, so I think that I'm not a poser person.
I was just thinking to myself.
I was like, maybe me, uh, you're definitely a gift giving on both sides. And you do like you don't like words of reformation. I don't think because anytime a guy has been like.
Hey you're this or this, You're like, wow, he's a liar. I'm like, wow, okay, he's a liar.
I guess no, that's because Grandpa used to tell me that actions speak louder than words. Don't listen to what people I.
Say big words reformation person. I feel like, if you feel something about someone, you should tell them, like I like, I will always.
I write my friend's notes, I write my if I really like somebody.
I also incredibly like poetic in every sense of the word, and so you're a different kind of human. But for me, I mean just because of my industry and my business. I've just heard so many I've heard so many things, and I just don't see the follow through of it.
I don't know.
I think that I think the words of reformation is a nice thing. I think that you are a physical touch person.
I love notes. When someone writes me a beautiful note.
That's words of affirmation.
Mom, No, I know, but that's different when someone actually writes me a note that to me is just like so magical.
Whether it's a coffee or a car, it's a gift.
Whether it's a note or out of your mouth, it's so it's words.
Okay, May maybe I should look at that differently then.
I mean, I'm a big words affirmation person. I tell people who I feel. I like to dedicate.
Poems to people. I'm one of those.
Okay, you're also a creative, beautiful mind.
Thank you.
What do you think should I get married again? What are your thoughts?
I don't think you need to get married again. I think that you like wanted to have this big wedding because you're like a neighborhood.
No good to get married again.
I think if you want to get married again, you can.
Be single for the rest of my life.
But that is not what that means.
What is that marriage is like a legally binding contract if you want to get married because you share property together and all these.
Things at that point. But I think that because you've already done the marriage thing and you've been divorced, you don't need to look to get married again.
You can just look to have a life partner like you should be looking. Stop looking for that big wedding event and start looking for the person that you want to be with for circles of your life.
So looking for your husband and look for your partner.
So, you know, training for this mini triathlon, and I went out to train with my friend today and he was talking about he just got divorced, and he was talking about how his ex wife has a lot of money and he did very well, very educated, and how the dynamic between them was always separate. And you know, it was interesting because as much as I needed to make sure that you know, prenup was signed for specific reasons. You know, if I marry someone, I want to be
in a relationship together. I don't want to be like you on me four dollars and twenty cents, who's going to pay for I don't want to be in a relationship like that. I was married to your dad. I literally I you know, I paid for a lot of things with you for your dad, a lot, but I never mentioned it. I'm just saying in general, I have
paid for a lot of things. I don't have a problem with paying for things, but I don't like that kind of nitpicky twenty five cents, who's going to get the coffee kind of thing.
You don't like a cheap person.
I'm not a cheap person, and I don't want to be with a cheap person.
I don't.
But also I think it's a bit like when people say that but like, oh, they're like women who don't want a cheap guy are like gold diggers or whatever. I'm the kind of person I don't like cheap people. Even in my friendships. I'm like, I'm that kind of person. I like, I'll guess this coffee domat it doesn't matter whatever who cares, because like I think it's all about it in friendships, it all evens out. I think that obviously women want to be rude and all these things,
but I think that you can try to. I also just think it's it is sometimes when women do not offer at all or when, because you're at a certain age whatever, it can come off entitled like I think that there is obviously a like if. Honestly, if you're with a true gentleman, he's not gonna let you pay regardless, but do not offer, I think is sometimes very rude.
We have a couple more things to talk about. One thing I want to ask you is that you remember me talking to you about the prenup with you with me? Do you remember me talking to you about it?
Yes? What did I say, I'm getting a prenup but I need a prenup? And I said you need a prenup? And see was like, you need a prenup?
What did you? What do you guys think of me ending the engagement? What did you guys? Were you guys afraid? Were you guys excited? What were you what.
Were your I mean, I wasn't doing a party. I was obviously concern for your well being. But it wasn't like a surprise because we all knew.
Were you proud of me?
I was proud of you.
I thought I was a little I was like, girl, you could you could have done this like six months ago?
You could have also said no, you should have never started. You should never start a relationship where you were single and then you get you get engaged. You guys were not together on that trip.
See and I were already living by the way about that for thettily situation, because you we were like you loft us whatever, we're in the handpins you were in like Geneva to Neva.
By the way of Wisconsin. I love the Midwest, love Rockford, Love Garrett's popcorn from Chicago, Illinois, you know.
Like those ease and popcorn. Let's talk about love.
The cheese popcorn in particular, not the caramel one.
But I think that you were scared of the people are going to be out of you, even though literally a Thanksgiving me were like, no one came out of you.
If you say no.
I literally told my aunt, I said, I said, don't book your hotel room.
I wonder I was wondering why he did it at that time. Afterwards, I'm like, why did he do it like that? Like why didn't he do it like with my.
You know how I feel about that whole thing. I thought it was bizarre and I thought it was it felt like he was trying to rush it.
I mean, I guess not. I guess I know that the next time, I do want to get married. I do want to have a relationship, a real relationship. I do want a solidary.
The big white wedding is not happening. I think after a certain age, I.
Want a beautiful I want a massive wedding. I want a wedding. I want a wedding. I want a honeymoon. I want I want the fairy tale wedding that that a lot of the women want.
Have a honeymoon and just go on a trip with the person you.
Love, and I want that for myself. I do. I want that person to show me that they.
You know what you and Tarzan trip.
Next week, they feel like someone special, That's what I want.
But I think that you can.
But I also feel like you shouldn't have someone makes you feel special. You should already feel like I feel. Some of my concern is like you should be These things that you want men to give you or find or make you feel, you can already feel on your own, and that actually, if you can figure out how to make those things and feel those things and do that for yourself already, you will be able to find a person faster and better and whatever, because you will have that.
Because I had such a stellar father that I am looking for a stellar husband. And it's very difficult because they just don't make them like Thomas colaurn Well.
They make it Thomas Cola Junior.
They make me. Yes, my twin is amazing.
We love we love Uncle Tommy.
We love Tommy. He's a great father. He's a great brother. He's a great uncle to you, he's a great husband to me. Me, He's he's just like, he's such a great he's so funny and he's so great.
He just I love him so much.
He's amazing. But that's the problem I have. I mean, most of them are like, oh my god, I'm in a harbor relationships with my parents.
I'm this.
I have all these issues. And like, I don't have any issues with men. I just like love being around them. I genuinely love being around men. I find them to be funny, charismatic, charming, like I love their idiot secrecies. Like I genuinely love being around men. And I know a lot of them do not.
I have a lot of guy friends. I love men, I love women. I love people.
Did you say you're a girls girl or you're like more of like a guy's girl.
I am a this is the thing.
I'm a girls girl, like I will always I'm like, my my girlfriends are like so important to me, and they like my friends become like but I also have really close.
Guy friends as well that I love, like who I love so much. But I think that.
I will always try to support women in the way that I any way that I can, and I will not put up with men doing things in a way if I feel like they're being such anistick or whatever.
I'll be like when this this last weekend, I was I was at a client's house and I'm this woman who owns the beautiful house has done me for a long time, and she said to see she said, you know, she said, I've always wanted to be closer with your mom, but she always puts you guys first. Yeah, and you told me this because I hope we can be closer now.
And literally almost start blowing my eyes out. I think it's funny because people are like like Lwan's always like, Kelly Darling, you're a guys girl, and I'm like, actually, I am, I mean, I love I love, you know, hanging around with men and having fun with them and dating, and you know, I love all that. But I'm definitely I would never say that I'm a guy's girl. I'm so grateful to have you, my beautiful daughters, Like I'm so grateful to have you guys into like just watch
you navigate, you know, all these uncharted waters. It's like it's been incredible.
I think that you.
Do like the company of like straight men. I think you like the company of day men too. I think that you like the company of men. I think that, but I think that you.
I feel like being a girl's girl is about choosing. I don't know.
I feel like my girls it is different than your girls girlsness because I work in a man's world.
Every all my publishing no I know actually knows a lot of women.
Publishing, but the majority of the business that I work in is a man's world, and I just don't don't. I don't have any like competition with them. I don't like put on armor when I go to meet someone in real estate or whatever.
My question to you, mom, is being a girl's girl, you have to be supportive of women for being women in that way. So it's like if my friend is acting I think that sometimes you can be hard on
women as a woman. I think also because you're in a different generation than I am, So it's like your your idea of being a girls girl is different because you're not able to actually be as like I don't think you're as much of a girl's girls who think you are because you you try to push out this like you're like, I want to support I want to be supportive, but to be supportive you actually have to want to support work these people. And you can't just
like say words and do things. You need to actually want have the desire first to do so. And I think that if you want to be a girl's girl and you want to be that way, you need to do it in a way and feel it in a way where it's like I think that people, what are you gen X?
You're you gen X? Yeah, you're a gen X, Like I think gen X.
I'm in particular, actually have a difficulty trying to be you know, like support women out of the way because you're still in that way of being taught to compete with women and or that women are like like you're you're taught to be like is this woman my friend or my competition, and whereas like my generation, I think we are much more about like, you know, I have friends who look very similar to me, I have friends
who look very different than me. All these things, and it's like even when like a guy, like I went to college with girls who are a lot of girls were blonde.
I'm a blonde girl.
I have blue eyes, I look I went to college with a lot of girls who looked like me, and a lot of the guys obviously liked blonde blondes because they were there's one blondes everywhere, and it wasn't like we were.
I was ever, like, I never have.
Ever gotten into a fight with a friend over a guy or felt like I had to compete with a friend over a guy, because my idea is always like if they like her, then they should.
Go for her. They don't like if they liked me, they would only like me, I.
Think, which is interesting. What you're talking about being being a girls girl is that you know there's all these things, all these choices and decisions frame your life, right, so you know there's a lot of things, different things that people go through. But a woman of my age of fifty seven, like I've seen so many iterations of how women treat other women, and to your point, like you guys have the freedom to not see women so much
as competition. Like when I was great getting when I was growing up, everyone was like, when you're going to get married, who's your boyfriend? Who's this? And just like you were saying, like.
Well, even now people ask me if I have a boyfriend. I don't, by the way, but I just think that, mom, I think that the idea I'm just.
Saying that there's I'm just saying that going through these different moments in my life that there have been, you know, moments where people are very, very competitive. And you know, I grew up in a high school with twenty kids in my graduating class, my twin brother and I, so that's eighteen other students I was modeling at the time. By the time I was fifteen years old, all over the world, all by myself, all the time, meeting new
people every single day. There was never consistency. There was never that moment where it was like I could rely on someone or a friendship because I would you know, they'd be my I'd be living with them as a roommate, and then I would just never see them again, and so I had a lot of inconsistency.
Were there cell phone at this time? I don't even know. I mean, you guys have like pagers.
And then and when I did have some strong friendships, you know, women were super competitive with me. They're like how you know, Oh you only get that because you're pretty. I mean, like I always felt like I had to be more than everyone else, more educated, more this, more that, just to be just to be able to be like, you know, for people to say like, oh, she's she's doing well, but my.
Mom there's that's actually like that feeling is authentic as a woman living in the world because basically I'm I'm I'm of the belief system that the reason why women today are not still like that we're still not at the place we all want to be. We all, like a lot of women be like we want you know, you don't like it's we all know we live in
a patriarchal society. And I always say that the reason why that we do, and that women aren't at the level that we want to be, or at the a level of power and control that we want to have over our lives, over our bodies, over the world, over.
Whatever is because it's our fault.
It is because from a young age, we are taught, okay, you need to be the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most the thinnest, the funniest, all these things, because if you're not, the girl next door will be and she's going to steal your husband. Like we're taught that the only thing in life is for us to find a husband and to have children. That's a beautiful thing,
and that's that's an amazing, huge part of life. And I think that it's something that I want where I want to get married and I want to have children. I want to be I say, at home mom but at some point in my life and I want to do that and I want to raise my kids. But I also understand that my value isn't only in whether a man picks me or not.
And I think that a lot of women have been taught that you.
Need to make yourself into the perfect thing so he will choose you instead of understanding that, and so you see all these other women as someone who's against you, when you should be seeing them as you know, this is about sisterhood. There's always this idea of bro code, but no one really uses girl Code as like girl cod doesn't really like a thing, Like people don't really support women, like women don't really support each other as much as they should because they have this internalized fear
that we've been taking. This is very like young children that our value is inherently given to us by what men think of us, which is not a good thing because because now it's like either you dress for men or just for women. But it's like, what about dressing for yourself and finding who you like and finding who you are? And that's why I say to you that I think.
That before you are looking for this guy, that you're seeing, who are you? And do you like who you are?
And do you like do you think that you're the person at your level that you want to be? And if you are, then you're ready to go. But I don't think you need to keep on looking for these people if you don't feel as though you're a healed person enough. I mean, no one's perfect, but I think that if you feel like your nest isn't nesting, then there's nothing gonna do.
You can't have little birdies there. You know.
It's interesting that you say that, because being on this podcast has been like a huge like nest for me where I feel safe and I feel open, and I've had such incredible conversations with so many different people, including you and Tommy, and I've just had so I've met so many new friends, and I just I finally like I actually feel safe to talk about the things that
are important to me. And you are very important to me, and I love you, Love you, love you, Teddy mensimone, You're the angel princess of all angel princesses.
I feel like I was a little feisty today, but I do love you. I was like, pretty feisty. I was like, I like this thing, and I was like, wow, that was really feisty.
Tough love my love tough.
Someone something's wrong with me? I mean mean a little hungry. Maybe you know put this episode that I was a little hungry in the beginning.
Teddy, thank you so much for coming on the pod and being so honest with me. I love you so much. Are you like me navigating dating as a single mom? Need some advice? Call us or email us all the infos in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.