You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. It's just me today, just Jenny. That kind of sounds like a sitcom. I'm so happy that you're listening. You know, this whole podcast is about finding that strength within ourselves to truly be able to choose ourselves, to prioritize our well being, to listen to our own needs, not in some crazy, overhyped, unattainable way, but in a deep, personal, sometimes messy, but always meaningful way.
At the core of this is something simple but so powerful, the ability to choose yourself. That means tuning into your own needs and building the kind of inner strength that doesn't require valid from an outside source. It's about finding stability within yourself so that no matter what life throws at you, whether it's chaos or change or conflict, you know you have your own back. I do just want to clarify one thing for anyone out there who might
be having trouble with choose yourself. The concept when I say I Choose Me, I am not talking about being selfish. It's not about being self absorbed or ignoring other people's needs. That's not the message at all. What I mean is that we really need to fill our own cup first so we have something to offer the people we love. When you are grounded in who you are, when you're taking care of your physical, emotional, mental needs, you can actually show up better for everybody else in your life.
That's what I call the beautiful reciprocal loop. Self care isn't separate from caring for others. It fuels it. Today, I want to talk about the power of your voice and what happens when someone tries to take it from you. So let me ask how many of you have ever felt silenced. Maybe you're in a meeting at work. You had an idea, you had something valuable to contribute, a question or wanted to ask, even something just a little question, something you wanted to share, and you stopped yourself. You
swallowed it down. You convinced yourself it wasn't important enough, or that maybe it would cause friction among your coworkers, or that someone might think you were being dramatic, too sensitive, too emotional to something. That moment right there, that inner
dialogue where you shrink yourself down, where you silence yourself. Basically, that's what I want to dig in today, because I've been there more times than I can count for much of my life, especially growing up in Hollyweird, as I like to call it, and in some of my relationships, there were situations where I felt like my voice wasn't welcome, or wouldn't be heard, or would just make things harder
for me. We're often taught that, you know, when we're little, that we have to be polite, we shouldn't interrupt, we should put other people's needs before our own, and these are very, very valuable traits, but they should never come at the cost of your own truth. Over time, what I've learned is that silence in the wrong moment can become its own kind of self betrayal. But there have been times in my work life too that I have felt like I am only supposed to be seen and
not heard. And I accepted that reality for a long time when I was young, too afraid to stand up for myself, afraid of being labeled difficult. And now I didn't have the age and wisdom then, so it sort of makes sense. But it absolutely was a choice I made to allow others to silence me, to keep me small, to keep me where they wanted me to be, to remind me of my place in the system, and that spills out of the workplace. Maybe that's happening to you.
You can create an internal message of self doubt or worse, the feeling of being unworthy. You can carry that around with you. Then all of a sudden, you're believing it and you are allowing others to guide the narrative for your life. You start walking around almost agreeing with them. Okay, let's talk about relationships, especially romantic ones. By now, we all know or should know, that in a healthy relationship,
both people's voices should be equally valued. But sometimes you find yourself in a dynamic where one person consistently tries to control the narrative, where your feelings are dismissed, your concerns are minimized, or you're made to feel like you're too emotional, you're too sensitive for simply expressing what's real for you. And here's where it gets even more challenging and probably resonates with some of you out there too.
When that dynamic doesn't just end with that specific relationship. Sometimes even years later, you'll find yourself going back to that feeling of not wanting to voice your opinion, because you remember it's ingrained in you to just not even communicate your needs or wants. You've been conditioned to somehow silence yourself to avoid conflict, or you just get exhausted by the thought of being hammered over the head about someone else's inaccurate story about something having to do with
your life. You don't want to upset the apple cart, so to say. And some old relationships will stay with you for some reason or another, and they will continue to try to diminish your perspective, try to control your narrative about your own life. They still try to silence you from the experience you yourself lived through, silence you
from your memories. That is frustrating, But after the frustration, maybe that situation will remind you just how important it is to protect your voice, because the truth is, you're a different person than you were when that was happening to you. You have grown, You are autonomous and independent, and you don't need someone telling you how to act or feel or be anymore. No, no, no, no, thank you. Let me tell you this. Choosing to acknowledge and protect
your truth in these situations is not selfish. It's about self preservation. This is Gavin Newsom.
Being a television showrunner is almost like being a governor. You know, it's the same thing from Gleed and Nip Tuck. The days of civil discourse are over. The thing that I was not prepared for was the Kennedy firestorm, Monsters, the Lyle and Eric Menendez story. And I haven't really spoken about this. One of my good friends who's the star of one of my shows coming up, Kim Kardashian. You may have heard of her.
One of the most prolific writers, producers, and directors in Hollywood today.
Are monsters made or are they born? This is Ryan Murphy. Hollywood used to be Hollywood. How about the pressure you put on yourself. You're competing against this guy, Ryan Murphy. Well, that's the secret of my career. Do the opposite of what you just did, get another twenty years of this in you. That's interesting.
Listen to This is Gavin Newsom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So, how do we find that courage? How do we reclaim our voices and make sure we're not letting others silence us? I've learned a thing or two, and this is where the concept of I choose me really starts to kick into gear. Here are some of the ways I've changed this dynamic in my life. Let's start with internal validation. Okay,
internal validation always comes first. So basically, before you express your truth to anyone else, affirm it to yourself. Tell yourself what I feel is real, what I experienced matters. I do not need permission to acknowledge my own truth. That is the core of confidence. It starts from there,
from the inside out. Second, okay, recognize the patterns. If someone in your life is constantly invalidating you, if they interrupt you, dismiss you, or dominate every conversation only talking about themselves or their experience, take note of that awareness is your power. When you recognize a behavior pattern, you're less likely to take it personally and more likely to respond with intention or potentially choose to not be with them anymore. How about that third thing? Always good to
use eye statements. This sounds simple, but it's so effective. So express your thoughts with I feel or I need instead of saying you're doing this or you make me feel. That shifts the focus back to your perspective. Your lived reality, and it helps keep the conversation grounded, and sometimes it can help with the other person's defensive reactions. Instead of saying you're controlling the narrative, maybe say I feel disregarded
when my experience is contradicted or dismissed. It's calm, it's clear, and it's powerful. Fourth thing, boundaries are your best friend. Boundaries don't make you colder, mean they make you clear. They are how you protect your peace. Here's a good way to set a boundary. When someone is not hearing you. You can say something like, hmm, I respect that you see things differently, but I'm no longer interested in conversations
where my experience is invalidated. That's not confrontational. That's self respect in action. Fifth thing, don't isolate. Talk to your people, whether it's your best friend, your therapist, or someone you trust, get the support you need. When you've spent a long time being silenced, Just hearing someone else say yes, that makes sense or you're not crazy is healing. It reminds you that your voice has value and that you're not alone.
Sixth and final thing, know when to take responsibility and apologize. Something I've always said is stop pointing the finger and start pulling the thumb. Sometimes we mess up, sometimes we say the wrong thing, or we hurt someone unintentionally. Taking responsibility and offering a sincere apology is not about taking all the blame or dismissing your worth. It's about choosing your own wellbeing enough to say, I see where I
caused harm. A real apology sounds like I'm sorry, I hurt you, I understand how my actions impacted you, and I take full responsibility. I wanted to do better moving forward. That kind of ownership frees you from shame, it frees you from the weight of avoidance, and it lets others know that you're open to learning too. Oh and one
more thing, never forget the ripple effect. When you speak up, when you protect your truth, when you stop minimizing your voice to keep the peace, you give others permission to do the same. You break cycles, You change the narrative, not just for yourself, but for your kids, your partner, your friends, your future. Your courage becomes a mirror, your authenticity somehow becomes a torch. And here's the thing I want you to remember most You don't owe anyone silence.
You are not too much. You are not too emotional, you are not too dramatic. You are enough. You are worthy of being heard. If you're navigating a situation like this right now, I want you to know I see you, I get it. I know how disorienting it can feel, but also how empowering it is when you finally reclaim your voice. The more you practice speaking your truth, the easier it becomes. The more you listen to your instincts, the louder they get, and the more you protect your peace,
the more grounded and joyful your life becomes. I hope this encourages you to let that beautiful, unique voice of yours shine. Until next time, take care of yourselves and remember to always always choose you