I Choose...To Watch It All Come Together with Tamron Hall

you're nineteen and you come home and you're pregnant. There's a lot of stigma attached to that. There's a lot of shame. My mother's mother passed away when she was ten and so my mom was ten years all the time. So her primary parent was her father, like this giant of a person in our lives, but was shouldering a lot, you know, raising any little girl by himself and her sisters. And you know, she comes home from college and she's pregnant, and the relationship with my biological father was not one

that was a stable one for her. And my grandfather, who's a very was a very strong person, said you know what, we're gonna raise her here and we're gonna, you know, give her the best life possible and was very supportive. I was the only child born in the hospital in the entire town that day. Oh, I know. My mother talks about the friends of hers who they all kind of lined up to go to see. Like I make the joke, and it's true. My mother's name

happens to be Mary. They did not name me Jesus for their arrival, had all the three wise men's coming, and my mom talks about everyone showing up uh to see me as a kid. So I uh was born in this circumstance that could have been one of great shame for her, and I'm sure she debated it, but it turned into one where instantly she had this great support system of people around her, including her father, and

I was the beneficiary of that. And at some point my mother decided that she wanted something bigger than this small town life that she was living. And it wasn't a negative, but like so many of us choosing themselves, she chose herself. And by choosing herself, she gave me the best opportunity she felt, which was leaving our small town. And so I grew up with my mom and a

great group of aunts and uncles. You know, my mother would work a couple of jobs because she went back to school to get her degree, and she work a couple of jobs to support me, and this aunt would pick me up on Wednesdays, this uncle would take us fishing, and you know, so it.

gonna they're gonna find your weakness. And my weakness was I was the only child, and so now I'm up against big groups of siblings and you know, and all these things. And so my mom got me in sports. I ran track, you know. I I played volleyball. I did all these things as my mom was trying to build my confidence. I played the clarinet. You know you name it.

to go to my mom. But she kept trying to bring this personality out that I showed with my cousins, and I was always really good around adults. Was in fact my nickname was not necessarily because I was very precocious. You know, my cousins. When there was a dispute, I was like the lawyer. I'm like, hey, look at let's hear the side. My grandfather had a soft spot for me because of what happened with my mom, and so if there was something they wanted, they'd like, send me in.

I'm like the I'm the un I'm going in making deals for them. They want candy, you know what I'm doing. Very confident around adults, very very safe around my families. But in the world behaviorally, I showed up different, and so my mother really made sure that I had this community of support. She really wanted to always make sure that I could show up as this confident kid, and that's really the start of what I do now for a living. We would do little talent shows I couldn't sing,

I couldn't dance, and birthday parties. You know, they do like this little in the South, they have talent shows. Every birthday has a talent show. Like here in New York, every birthday ends with a pizza, you know. When I'm in the South, we have these big birthday parties in the backyard or at a park or at a zoo, and then inevitably someone's like, let's do a talent show.

I couldn't sing a dance, but I was a talker, and so I would be like the MC you know, I'd get up and say, next up, it's Jenny and the Jeanettes hit it. You know, Oh my gosh, person in the middle facilitating all of the talent that was around me again, hint, hint, kind of what I do now.

And that was, you know, the road and I started out on and I was very fortunate that around the age of nine, my mother fell in love with the person who was the data got meant for me to have my stepfather and who I referred to as my father. And he is that and was that until the day he left this planet. And he too, going back to the mantra of choosing you, and I was, I don't know, messing up in high school. And I remember because in middle school and not doing what I was supposed to.

And he pointed to the TV and he said, if you get your grades it was great, that could be you. And he pointed at this woman. She was anchoring the news. Her name was Iola Johnson and she was the first black woman to anchor the news in Dallas for worth and he said, if you get your grades up, that could be you. And I look up and I see this woman and I'm like, what is this you're speaking of? And I love a good challenge. And I then started

getting into writing classes. I got in, like there's a group called the Jas and they did this scholarship thing, and I, you know, started writing and applying and just kind of doing these things to prove that woman on the TV could be me. Wow.

That's why you know my son right now, he's five and we have this badge system my husband found on Amazon, and it's so complicated. I let them deal with it. But it's like, if you do this, you get the badge, and then if you do this, give back, and then if you get five badges, you get a rivet and if you get a ribn you can catch. I'm like, oh, my head's spinning, but you just do it. I'm like, dude,

she's give them pizza party. But it works because my son's like the other day, he walks like, because Dad, I'm gonna get that badge today, and I'm like, oh my god, okay, so cute. But yeah, he cashes in his badges and so often the cash in is a ribbon, and then he takes the ribbon and then he goes to he likes bowling, and so we're taken bowling or pizza party, but boler, oh, this is the bowler, which

I was like, okay, we'll figure that one out. But you know, it's again that idea of giving someone a goal and saying without saying I think you are capable and of reaching that, and that's what he did I.

was centered around fear. Right, how do we change the way we talk about fear? We all experience it, we all deal with it different levels, of course, but it's an emotion that is not one that should be tied to shame. And when I was creating this book, much to your point about how we position things now, right, my father positioned this challenge in this positive way that inspired positivity. It's the same with emotions. You know, when I had my son, and I'm sure you've experienced this.

Now we're obsessed over like ABC's I Love, I got all the books of the ABC's and the color of shape. And then very early on someone said, you know, social emotional development is more important at this age how to count? And I'm like, what, because I went to pre K and I vividly to this stage and I'm fifty four. I remember the blow up let in my Catholic school kindergarten. I guess it was. There was mister M with a

munching mouth. I'll never forget that's him. Oh yeah, fifteen years later, I remember mister M with a munching mouth. And that was the focus. Right, this is nineteen seventy at the time, seventy five, and focus is getting you, you know, reading and academics and the testing that was such a big part of our culture and still is.

But it was everything determines everything about you. And then suddenly our eyes awaken through probably some painful situations that we all witnessed and watched over society where kids are bottling themselves or are pushing themselves down and bottling up emotions and not being able to express how you feel is detrimental to your mental health, it's detrimental to the adult you have the capacity to become. And so for me.

That's been such a big part of my focus and why I said, you know what, how do we talk about as my father so wonderfully learned to talk about goals with me.

we were on the show. You were so gracious and so wonderful in the way you talked about the evolution of relationships and it's part in your life. As with this conversation we are having, I feel so safe and cared for by you, and I want to thank you for that, because for people who were listening, what we're talking about is the death of my sister. As I mentioned, my stepfather became the dad I was meant to have,

and he had two children. My mother had two children, and we really became like a Black Brady bunch and was lended family. And because he was very adamant about not seeing us as half or step or we were a family. This is my sister and my sister, which I'd always longed to have, right, I wanted a sister just because I visualize us, like you know, doing girl stuff,

doing her hair and everything. And when I met her, she was like the most beautiful and chic and just seemed worldly, right, just you know, just was awesome, Like she just had the right outfits on it. I remember she was the first person she had a bottle of perfume and it was a necklace and I just I know, she was just like chic. At the same time, she was a person who I would hear my father say, God, you are better than this guy, or you should not

be in this relationship with this person. And I would hear these conversations, was in my teen years, but it was always this push pull with them, and that pushful often surrounded the people she was keeping company with romantically, and she would move in with us and move out, then move out, and was always this tumult, you know, around her relationships. And as we got old her, you know, she would say, you know, Dad doesn't understand, and you know,

I'd love this person or that. And I was old enough by then high school to recognize, like, these guys are coming over and got these are not. I'm eighteen by now I'm dating, and I can right on here. It's not just Dad being dad, right, I could tell. And as the years would pass, she'd come back into our lives and disappear out of our lives. And at some point she starts to get stable in her life and she is in a relationship with someone and he starts to come by our home, and you know, things

start to feel good finally in her life. You know, she's bought a house and things are going great, and I invited her to come to see me in Chicago. By then, I'll figure I'm the big sister who is a big deal. Now I'm the big little sister. I'm an anchor in Chicago. Come and see me, you know. I got a townhouse downtown near Horp. Yes. She comes with me, and she brings the person she was seeing

in her life at the time. And I don't know Jenny what day it was of their visit, but I'm in my townhouse and I hear this, like just a rumble of just sound and energy and something crashing. Now, what's going on? And I run down to my bottom level, which was a guest bedroom, and there was a table that was shattered, and she was standing there and she's

kind of like clearly dazed. And he's standing there and I know there was an altercation and I can see it, and I instantly started yelling at him, like what get out of my house, and I'm trying to grab the phone. I had a phone downstairs, and there was a like a my garage was nearby, so there was a broom handle thing that was there, and I grabbed this room and I'm like get out, and I'm like not hitting, but I'm threatening, you know, to get out because I get out right now. And I kick them out of

our house, my house. I call my d instantly, I just like, lock the doors, call the police. And I go to call the police, and I said, oh, I can't. I'm tammern hall. The police are going to come to my house and they're going to know that it be all over the news. I's going to be all over the news and what I can't So I don't call the police. I you know, bat patch her, you know, get her ice, and we clean up and we don't really I don't really ask what happens because I don't

need to know because I can see. And then we go to bed. The next morning, I come downstairs, he's in my house. He's back in the house, and I'm like what. And I said to her, what are you thinking that I kick them both out? She's visiting. They're visiting, and I said, get out. I'm going I remember, I said there was a spa like I'm going and get and when I come back, you get to get out of my house. This whole thing. Call my dad. She's so selfish, she doesn't why you know, blah blah blah

blah blah. I'm going off about it. And my Dad's like, well, you know, she'll figure it out. And I'm like, Dad, she's not going to figure out. Because I was hurt. I'm like, what what are you thinking? And I was also mad at her for not believing more in herself. What I'm thinking, like, yeah, it's so hard, so amazing. What is wrong with you? You know? This is me at that time. We don't talk for a couple of months. The holidays rolls around Thanksgiving and my father said, you know,

listen enough of this. You know we're not figured out. So I called her and she was getting her nails done, much like us with the clarinet. It was her common thread. She's like, hey, manicure and I was like okay, and we just start talking. And then we come home for the holidays and she's still with this person and he's there and I don't say anything to him. Really, he hadn't say anything to me. We go on about our way.

Fast forward, not very long from that time, my mother calls me on a Sunday and she's like just crying and wailing and she said, Ranata is dead. And I'm like what and she said, call your father, and I'm

my mom, pull over. I call my dad and my dad always said that, you know, from his point of view, he always called me his kid of right, like he always says, of all my siblings, I was going to try to be the level headed one, he said to me, very calmly, because my dad was in the military and he's got two purple hearts and he's seen it all. And he said, baby, call and see what's going on. What happened there? I said, okay, And I called my sister's house and the person was there and he said,

the police are there. And I said, the police are there. He said, she was found in her pool, face down and they don't know what happened. And I think, you know, she was drinking maybe and she did you know all this,

you know, had a local news friend. And I called a friend and I said, what's going on and he said, well, the police are there and they believe it's not an accident, and so I was like, okay, And you know, we started the process and the investigators at the time told us that that they did not have enough evidence to charge someone or got to get the DA to charge someone, but they believed that strongly that the individual who was

in the home was the person responsible. She had blunt forced impact to the back of her head, and there were other signs there that this was not an accident. Her dog, who she affects a mini me because she had this like blonde hair and her dog was kind of blonde, was there, and you know, some of the details I you know, don't need to get into, but it was a violent and so yeah, we proceeded on and in the process I never talked about it Jenny ever. My family. We kind of just you know, forbid him

from having contact with my family. We kind of moved forward. We laid my sister to rest, and then I'm in New York. It's two thousand and eight and I was invited to speak at an event, a random event. I'd just gotten here and I was at the Today Show and at the time, they will invite you to host things, you know, people were like, oh, Jenny, can you host this?

You know, I got an invitation. I host an organization that helps young people understand how to love healthy, and then I shared my sister's story and that that was the start of me becoming an advocate for survivors of domestic violence and speaking more about from the lands of a family member of how to support without judgment because at the time I judged, and now I have the tools and the understanding that I try to offer to other people through your tragedy.

you are not there to defend yourself. So I think for us, because the investigators were so clear and we understood what happened, I think our view of justice changed. I think what we saw was a just thing for us was to help other people, you know, hunting someone down or I've never even done a show on it. To be honest with you, because it's just not that space.

We've done shows on domestic violence and my sister's youngest son came on the show, because we are committed to helping families, but we've never approached it from this lens of Okay, this is a who done it because from the point of view of the investigators, they felt they knew and that was enough for us.

when you're a crime reporter. And then I thought I wanted her to be this colorful character. I grew up loving Nancy Drew novels. That was my whole bed. It was like it was if you didn't find oriole cookies. You found Nancy the Future, and so I thought it would be fun to have this female protagonist that was a crime solving journalist. And I thought that it would you know, I wanted a little mix of sex in

the city and waiting to extale. I just wanted her to be this fun but intense person that you want on your side, like a blood howling, right, And so that came and I wrote those Jenny in the Pandemic. By the you know, the second or third time, I was going to just leave my h for not breaking down the Amazon boxes. You know, we're all dug in and I'm like, okay, buddy, one more Amazon box and not opening. You're out of here. Let me, harness, listen

to something more positive. So I started to write the Jordan Manning crime series. I was I fell asleep watching ESPN or he fell asleep and the next thing, and I was like, Michael Jordan Peigon Manny. Her name Jordan Manning. There it is, you know, And so I love that. I would go out on this little deck that we have in sag harber and Online Island and I just write and I get up with my coffee. I felt very Stephen King it's like old and I had my

little writer's costume and my coffee and evergrease. Meanwhile, because we couldn't do anything else, we were stuck. And so I wrote that series and then my cookbook. My dad loved to cook, my grandfather loved to cook, and I happened to be happy to be best friends with a James Beard Award winning culinary producer who's a recipe writer. And so I know, right, I was like, did I pick you? Really? You know? And we became best of friends.

We're sisters and so proud of our book because that cookbook again, it's it's seventy two phenomenal recipes and she's the best at recipe writing in the business. But we when the publishers looked at the marketplace, we were the only cookbook with a white woman and a black woman, and the only cookbook with a straight woman or identified straight in LGBTQ. And I thought, wow, going back to our clarinet story, you know, music is a common thread. Food is a common thread. And that was such an

enjoyable and fun project to do with lish styling. She's from Wisconsin, I'm from Texas, and we would joke that even now you see the cover of our book with the same haircut. So all things really just like what you know, like your podcasts and the things you've created. We are lucky to have lived long enough to have stories and lived long enough to be able to understand them and why they are why it's good to share.

hosted morning shows for thirty years. I've probably interviewed every childbook author on how to raise a kid. But you know, until you're on the team, you don't know how to play the sport. It's like, so now I'm on the team and it's a global pandemic. I didn't even know that. You take them off formula to milk if that's your choice or whatever. They go. It ends after I'm like,

wait what. I felt like they stayed on formula for like two years and I didn't breastfeed, so I'm really like, wait what, And it's a global pandemic and I can't get food and I'm like, oh my goodness, the whole thing changed. So those are the things that were my focus, just the day to day, and then you know, we were inside of our home. It really gave me this opportunity to be there with my son that I would not have had, so first steps, things that I would

have missed had I been in the studio. I got a chance to see firsthand, and we grew so close. When things reopen and he was invited to his first birthday party, he was hiding in the corner, like this guy in the car. He's mister Razzle Dazzle, He's mister Talk and he talk. And we get to the birthday party. His hands are sweaty, he's next to me. He won't leave, and I'm like, okay, but I understand. It's a birthday.

It's overwhelming. Things happen, but then it happens again and again in different circumstances, and then we would come home from this scary situation and he'd talk all about it. He knew what everyone wore, everything said, the music that was played. He was just so I realized that this was a kid who was observing but was afraid to get in. He wanted it didn't have that, I can tell you. I debate whether it was because we were inside for a long time or that's his natural personality

as it was mine. I don't know. But how did I How do I address it? What I do became the priority, not the what happens right? And so I started to talk to other parents who talked about kids who present shy or the reality that we all do, and that on the other side of fear is often something so fun. So this is a book that talks about through curiosity and kindness, how you can face your fear.

The backdrop is half Texas, half Harlem, New York. But in truth, the first outside experience all of our children have it's not a school, it's the neighborhood. So Harlem is his neighborhood, but it's meant to represent whether you have a tiny community or you're walking out your door to nine O, two, one zero, whatever, it is your first exposure outside of the intimacy of your family home

is your neighborhood. And so we use music, we use food, we use kindness and curiosity as this way for adults to talk to kids about how you face that fear and what fun you can find on the other side.

We were watching the Oscars and he has no idea who Ariana Grande is. And we're at dinner and the Oscars are on. He looks up and he's like, what is she singing my song? Who is this singing my song?

or he'll say that and I'm okay with that. He has to be a well he's walked into as you know, you are an international star. I host a talk show. Our kids aren't part of our world, but they're not part of our world, right, And so with him, I even debated namely the character after him, because so he's very distinct named Moses, right, He's not the original Moses, but he is a Moses, and people see him and

they say Moses, and they're excited because they're excited. For me, being a forty eight year old first time mom at the time, that can a lot for a kid to take in. But in his own daily life, you know, we went to uh he asked me to go to see Kids Bop Live. He loves Kids Bop he's all about and we got tickets and we took him to New Jersey and he was absolutely terrified. Like we get there and he's like, wait, this is way bigger than I expected. This is way different than I expected. And

he wanted to leave. And my instinct, you know, was like, let's get in this car. We're gonna go right back home. But I was like, you know, okay, let me breathe, because how I react to this is how he acts. If I keep pushing get in there. That's going to add a resistance, right, So okay, say well whenever you're ready. And then the show started. He starts to hear familiar song. I see the side look, you know that that wanting

to be in behavior and physical change. And before I know it, he's in the seat, We're dancing, We're having a good time. He's you know, the kids pop. They vote on which finale song and his finale song for you which one he wanted? Didn't get it. I didn't get my song. You know, he's invested in it and he's having a great time. He's now in basketball and he goes on Sundays. I'm so happy the first time he went first, Please not the first time, maybe the

first week. You want no parts. He sat there on the side and he looked and didn't want and I said, you know, you love Jalen Brunson. You love the Knicks. To my dismay, being from Dallas, I want him to love the Mavericks, but he loves the Knicks. And then this week the class was the last day and this this coach is female coach who was there at the beginning, came back for their little ceremony or whatever, and she pulled my husband over to the side and she said, oh,

I can't believe look at this kid. Look at him. I mean he's like dribbling with right hand left handed. He's like having a great time. He needed to have that time. The book is also a reminder, I hope to adults, really something that I think you have learned and are learning every day, how precious patience is with

ourselves giving ourselves that time, but also our kids. You know, how easy is it to say, Okay, we're gonna go to dinner, hurry, put your socks onto the Okay, you can't get shucks, let me put it on for you. It's delaying and putting their socks one put time to let me put the thumbs in to pull the sock up, and we gotta go, We gotta go. So I'm gonna put this on for you. You know. Yeah, we think

it's helping. But if we can and by the way, baking in that time to watch them put their socks on, I mean we like danced around the first time we're tackling shoe tie. Now, I's like, oh my god, those are the exhilarating, beautiful sensations that we deserve too. Yeah.

walked into this environment, been in this environment. And yes, we want them to behave accordingly. We want them to be a little perfectly mannered children who go to the seat and put their They're just walking into a whole restaurant.

me that challenge, my value became. What I saw is my value was work, you know, because you can lose that. And even at age eighteen, a dear friend mom gave me a book and one of the chapters said, who are you if there's no title beneath your name? I'm eighteen. That means nothing to me. I don't even think about it. Fast forward age four six, old boy. That book A Path of Light, that's been sitting on my bedside or

whatever since I was eighteen, suddenly makes sense now. And it was the first time that I said, you know, I'll be okay if I am not on a TV show. I'll be okay if I'm not a reporter, I'll figure this out, you know. And whatever aspirations of, you know, being on a national news show, it didn't matter to me. I left the show. It was important for me to take that stand for myself. I at the time did

not have a child. I was my backup. So trust me, I'm looking at the ATM and the numbers are not numbering. But I was going to figure it out, right. I was like, you know, I didn't my parents didn't have a gold Bars buried somewhere. I was on my own. My mother's big contribution was to tell me I could move back to my room, and I was like, it's not going to happen, but thank you for the offer. We're not there yet. We're not there yet, you know. And during the time of trying to figure out this

next act in my life. I got an offer to have a show executive produced by Harvey Weinstein. That day felt like the best day of my life. Right, Oh my gosh, I've gone from being invisible in this workspace to speaks this guy, this is the guy that everyone told this is the guy, right, and thinking, wow, big breaks do happen, wonderful And now I'm kind of back into the identity. Right, I'm about to be a talk show host out here my title it's back. And then one day I got a call that his name was

being mentioned along the lines of the word someone. The person actually said the R word, and I said retirement and because I have not, and they said fortunately, no, yeah exactly, And I said what now everything is like, oh, I had at the time already met my now husband, because when I agreed to executive produce the show with Harvey Weinstein, there were a lot of like just ebbs and flows and just just things that were happening. Now. I know he was under investigation, but there were these

inconsistencies that made me not feel certain. Nothing behaviorally toward me, but just like so just weird energy. You know, when you're like, this is weird energy around here, and I didn't know what it was. And I remember throwing myself this hitting party because I was in LA And as you know, when you go into business with somebody, reach an agreement, they're going to give you X amount of dollars to hold exclusive rights to whatever you're doing, so

it's like a holding fee or whatever. And he was slow on that payment, and I'm like, I need my money, here's my money. What's going on here? So now I'm feeling like, oh, this guy sold me a bill of goods and this show's never going to happen, and I'm sad, sad, sad. And then I went out to the pool at the Sunset Marquee. I was actually supposed to stay at another hotel because I told my travelation at the time, I want to stay where they are, like, guys, I want

somewhere with a cute bars. I'm single and I am ready to date and you know, move on my life. He puts me up at a hotel and everyone there is like a twenty year old wrapper, and I'm like, because twenty year olds are wrapper, this is not my scene, not my scene. So he put me up at Sunset Marquee only because he's like, it's a great hotel. I was like, all right, fine it because I'd given up on dating at that point. Now between the hotel in the five minutes, I thought that was the deal breaker

for you. I'm in the room. I throw myself a proper pity party, and then I went to the hotel cool. I have, like I put a one piece on, so clearly I wasn't trying to bring any kind of a game. I was done at that point. I got to the school and I looked up and walking toward me is Steven. And we'd run into each other many times at different events. He you know, he's in the music business, he's a manager, he's worked with a lot of people. And he sat

down and we started talking. And I think because I didn't have I just kind of got it to this fitt moment with work and all of this, su I saw this person and we're just talking and then we started arguing over who has the best pizza in New York and he's like, I'm a New Yorker, I know. And then we agree to go on like a pizza showdown. It wasn't nothing elaborate, it was no like it was a pizza, and when I was back in New York and whole turns out he had a place a few

blocks from min. I'm like, wait, what, this is interesting, and we you know, started to hang out, and a couple of weeks later we moved in and okay, I'm furious as we were talking. That's why I laught. That's why I laughed when you said it on my show about you, like all the weeks I was like, wait, oh, that's funny. So like, within a few weeks we started dating and then going to the point that you asked me my husband had no children, and he said he

always wanted children. He had his own childhood journey that was complicated and complex, and he just never thought he was going to be a dad or that he had the skills to be a dad based on how he was raised. And then I said, well, you know, I love to look into this, you know, this concept of us being parents as we're here now, and I think that not having the pressure of the job had allowed me to give my body grace. Had I had a lot less stress, a lot less just everything. I felt

a lot less it about myself. To be honest, I've never shared that with anybody. But I went through that phase of just feeling it was like, this is now.

this is it, This is it. I should you know. This is the route. I'm not going to do this anymore. This is the route. And I wasn't angry, it wasn't resigned, it wasn't like, oh, I'll just stood up. It wasn't that. It was like, oh, this is the sign. Like when I went to the pool. It wasn't a negative or positive.

It was a sign. And I got a call that things were looking good, and then we taped my pilot for the talk show that next morning, and I got a call early that morning that we, in fact I was pregnant.

We're kind of just trained. It's like a rote thing to say. But I am more conscious than ever of how I respond to whatever someone is sharing with me, right, and I wanted to just enjoy it. And then we got a call thirty two weeks in. My team called and said, oh, there's a tabloid that's about to say

you're pregnant. I'm like what And what happened was I reserved our maternity room and you have to do it under your name and someone had told someone and they called our team and it almost made it, almost made it almost made it. And it was funny way because at the time that baby Shark song was like and so I ran, I got this like actually dress I had and I and my husband's like, what are we gonna do? What are you gonna do? I was like,

We're gonna do Baby Shark. And then I had the book in front of my belly and I was like do do do do? Do? Do do? And then I removed the book and then it's like a baby and then it was like People magazine. You know how it goes after that? Yeah, you know. I'm but I think fast forward when I look at that. As I said, the loss became a win and not with the talk show, right, it became a win in love the way I think

I became a more present friend. I think sometimes my conversations were one sided, and I know talk show hosts are just born that way to have one sided conversations because that much. But I just got a chance to catch up with my friends and not talk about work, and I know that work is what provides the lives that we have. So I'm not like I grew up very, very poor, So I'm not going to be that person to say moody doesn't matter. But it doesn't. It's not

the total of happiness or our journeys. I've been both sides of the conversation, and it's about perspective of what it brings and what you can use it to do good and help others. It's a complicated conversation, but it is recognized that having that break from work gave me love time, It gave me my child in so many ways, and it gave me a rebirth, which was the show back with the wealth of things I feel to offer that I didn't have before.

I can't relate. I just like, you know, okay, well thanks, I don't know what I did, you know, Or when people say you're so courageous and I'm like, well, what was I going to do? You know? And so I've recently tried to step out of body and understand what they see. Oh my gosh, I've been doing the same. Oh right, that's where as I'm like, it must be our age.

But I have been so honored that not just late to the party parents as I call us, but like women in their thirties talk to me more openly about freezing eggs. You know. Dulce Sloan from Daily Show, she came on and she talked about like, and we've become friends off camera, and she says, you know, freezing her eggs. She felt shame because it made her feel like she wasn't gonna get it right or whatever. You know. Yah, and Ashanti just married Nellie and just had her first

child at forty three, and she frozen her eggs. When they were broken up, She's like, I didn't even know he would we were rekindled, but she knew she possibly wanted this part, but she felt shame. Right, so much shame attached to this, right we are in this. You know. I have a girlfriend that I love dearly, and she one day said to me with shame, and I could hear in her voice, I never want to be a mom, she said, Tam, And it's not in me. I haven't had any trauma. I had a great mom, I had

a great day. I just I don't want it, okay, And I said, okay, right, you know, And that's so there's so much shame was surrounded with you do or you don't.

out frazzle me as much as they used to. I do care what people think. We all do to some degree, but I have it in greater perspective of it. And even you know, when I was writing this book, you know, Harlem Honey, really was not me saying, let me just put my name on something so I can get a check or d d da da dah. Right, thing to me means something to me I have. I'll try not to cry here. But the two oldest living relatives I have are both and they're in their chapters perhaps of goodbye.

It's an uncle who has been just a champion for my mom and me. And it's my aunt who when my mom's mom died when she was ten, I was much older. She's much older than my mom, and my mother tells the story of her bringing her clothes, you know, to get ready to go to school in and being a big sister but also a mother figure at the same time. So it's our patriarch and our matriarch of our family. And my mom is down a few days from seventy five, and she said, yeah one day, and

she's very virile. She's go on her cruises and all this sudden stuff. But she says to me, it goes so fast. I knew her at nineteen. I knew when she was a baby who sat out on this adventure and this journey with faith and belief that she could somehow figure out this better life for her and her kid. And I'm the result of that. And so now at fifty four, you know, I don't say this to chastise the youth or to imply that they don't know or you don't know. My nephew's twenty seventy calls for advice

all the time. He's like my kid. But you know, it goes fast. And when you can learn that a lot of the crap that people tell you really doesn't matter.

And I have an eighteen year old niece who are a door and she'll probably see this interview and wag her finger at me, but she's, you know, I love this kid, and she's not sure what she wants to do, you know, And everybody's like you gotta do it, gotta that, gotta do this, it's gotta do that, gotta it, and it's like set aside your social media, it's just societal pressures like to tell you gotta figure all of this out by eighteen.

She was talking about menopause and she said, you know, it's a blessing to get that far, you know, right right, you know. And so whether it's that change in life or the change that allows you to recognize that if you can some your headspace with the views of others, you will never find your path. That takes time. Because age I didn't have twenty said, I thought I did. I didn't know anything, and I'm okay that I didn't.

I'm okay that I did not know how dangerous it was to drive one thy five hundred and twenty eight miles with a dog and a map by myself. I'm okay with not knowing that right deadline crime at the time. I don't even like girls stay home, you know. It's there's a certain amount of fearlessness that comes with I think fearlessness in the twenties springs perspective, I guess for me in the fifties.

the day. But this is just like full circle life, coming back to great gratitude.

It's like, it's you know, the second best thing is coffee for me, right, It's like I need that that thought of gratitude, and it's and maybe when you're you know, younger, you kind of think, Okay, this is what they're saying because they've had successful lives or My mother again, was a nineteen year old single mother, and I believe she got to where she is now and raised the child that I am as an adult is because she led with gratitude. And that wasn't fame, that wasn't fortune, that

was doubts. She could have led with shame, she could have led with you know, y means, she could have led with fear. But she grew up in a town where we didn't get a paved street until the eighties. You know, she didn't have these things. But she had gratitude. So that is not it's not owned by a race, it's not owned by a gender. It's not owned by one socioeconomic group. It is afforded to us all. And I I think the best of the journey is when you can fight the noise and lead.

So this morning, when it was time to wake up and get my son ready for school, I fought mom guilt as if one morning of not getting him ready versus his dad was going to somehow change the trajectory of his entire life. And I laid in bed and

I did it. Get up, and I let my husband warm the care at my And not that he wouldn't, but sometimes even when he's willing to will when he does do it, and he does it every morning with me, but I feel guilty fight when out there, like if I'm not you know, right, give me the kiss, you know. And I was like, my kid knows he loves me and I love him, and I'm going to stay in this bin. Have a good day, kiddo.