I Choose… Open Nest over Empty Nest with Candace Cameron Bure

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl.

Hi.

Everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is about the choices we make, and today I'm joined by actress and producer Candace Cameron Beret. It's a very exciting time in the Beret family as they've recently had a gorgeous wedding and we all got to have a sneak peek of it. Candace is stepping into some exciting new projects,

I mean, it was such a beautiful day. It was everything that they hoped it would be. It's a bit surreal when your kids get married and it's so emotional you know. But there were so many activities that led up to the event. There was the bridal shower, the bachelorette weekend, and so all of those markers, and then a lot of dinners in between with his family, our family, all kinds of things, and so a lot of words and tears and laughs are said and shed before the

Oh good good, Yeah, I haven't done it yet, so that's why I'm asking, like, get the tears, like advice, get the tears out before the wedding.

Yeah, it was. It was. It was neat because Natasha Bradley did their first look before the wedding, and like my son didn't do that. The first time that they saw each other was when she walked down the aisle that day and I was there for the moment of their first look and that's when I lost it and I just I was a total mess because they were just so sweet. It was private. I was like spying in the bushes watching.

It that's what we have to do sometimes as moms.

And I was just like and then you know, so then the ceremony was just like fun and beautiful and great.

I'm so happy for you. I look forward to that also sort of dreaded. I don't know, there's something about like giving your daughters over to a guy and just fingers crossed, you know, like good luck.

I know it does feel different to marry have your son married versus your daughter, and yeah, it's it is different. But the good thing is I have two great children in laws. I love our daughter in law so much, and we're so close, and love Bradley so much. He's a wonderful man.

And your family's expanding before I.

Know, so it's great. I feel like, you know, we won the lottery with our children's spouses.

You and I were both really young brides, like I was. I think I might have been a year or two a year older than you because you got married at twenty. That is early, I know, but for a lot of people, especially nowadays, did you ever feel like the urge to sort of persuade your daughter to consider waiting a little longer than you did?

Oh? No, not at all. I mean we loved that we got married young, and I think that that that's like very I guess normal. Even my parents were married very young. My mom was nineteen to my dad. My brother was married young. I think he was twenty or twenty one. So that doesn't scare me and doesn't scare me with our kids at this age either. And so even at twenty seven, I was like Natasha, come on, like, oh, it's a little a little late.

Oh my god, I know I have a twenty eight year old, and I'm like, well, what's gonna happen? She doesn't know yet either, so it's kind of like a waiting game. But whatever is meant to be will happen, Yeah, for sure, and it will all be great, yes, But I'm so happy for your expanding family. You know something, I think you know you are so great about being in touch with your community that you've built on your platforms.

Yeah, which I get all the time if like all of us do in the public eye, you're always getting you're getting trolls on there. But it's the one it's the ones for me that I have a harder time with when when I feel that they are genuinely well meaning, that they really think what they're telling you is contributing something positive or pointing out something that maybe you didn't know, or you genuinely hurt their feelings because you don't understand

I have to remind myself in the heat of my moment of wanting to be like, hey, why be so nasty, Like what's your problem? I have to remind myself. Did you ever watch show Catfish?

I've seen it.

So they find people that are catfishing other people, and they go find where they're living. And I watch that show a lot with my kids, and there's a back house that has no windows and that's where they live. And I always think that the person with those nasty comments. I have to remind myself of their experience in life and just like give them a little grace. Yeah, move on.

Yep, Yeah, I say this all the time, and it's that phrase. You hurt people, hurt people, hurting people hurt people, And that's usually what it is. People get defensive, they're mean, they're nasty, but they're having they're struggling to they're struggling themselves, and so's the that's the best thing you could do is give them grace or just ignore it and move on.

Yes. Yes, so you started acting when you were eleven five five?

Oh, commercials, commercials, Yes, if you do a bunch when you were young.

No, I've never done a commercial, I can recall.

Yeah, I did commercials from five years old until ten once I booked full house and then and.

Then you grew up in front of the world. Yes, exactly, and you're still growing up in front of the world. Isn't that wild? I know, it is, like, that's not normal, you know, it's such a weird experience. I was a little bit older than you. I was already like seventeen when I started, okay, but not that I had any more you know, understanding of who I was in the world, or you know, I didn't never felt you know that, I started later because I wanted to have a more

Oh, totally. I'm still a people pleaser to this day. I just know it and I recognize it, so then I can make better decisions that aren't based on people pleasing. But I'm a people pleaser at the core. Oh my goodness. At one point I was talking to a friend. We were talking about our people pleasing because he's the same way, and he was like, but do you realize that's actually

Well, where did you settle on it?

Then well, I walked away going really like it's a

You recently been able to like recognize that and then feel comfortable in those boundaries. This is something like relatively like in your forties that you've discovered or did it happen sooner for you?

Probably sooner, But I'd say like in the last ten years that I really understood how much of a people pleaser I am and then have certainly implemented boundaries that have become much easier over the years. I have no problem saying no.

Good yeah that some people have a problem with that. I know, I know, but hopefully, you know, those of us that are talking about it and encouraging people to like create those healthy boundaries, Hopefully it's getting you know, it's getting more acceptable because a lot of people think boundaries are selfish or.

No, yeah, self serving. They're really healthy and they're good. But I'll still tell you that I love hearing well done, Candice, great job. Like after I've done a show or done my podcast or you know, film something, I'm always like, how was it? How was I want the words of affirmation, I'm like, was it good? Did I do a good job? Okay? Great? Great?

M I can relate because who doesn't want to feel that yeah from somebody that you work with. You know, I'm always one to say, great job, whatever the task was, thank you so much. But I get what you're saying. Fully, was there a point Has there been a point in your life when you started to sort of tune in to your life as a whole. Because you're coming up on the fifty club, You're not there yet.

No next year, I'm doing it.

Yes you are, I'll give you early welcome. But like at fifty, things start to shift, I think, and mentally we start to look at things a little bit differently. Was there a point where you're like, I now recognize the sort of maybe not so positive aspects that being a child star had on me as Candace.

I mean, there certainly there are some things that I could go back and say, oh this because I was in the industry. This definitely shaped and molded this viewpoint or how I felt about myself. Like on my podcast this season, we are talking all about body image, and we are going through sixteen weeks of a whole body theology and framing it from the reference of your body, your physical body, your mental and your heart and your

Of course, Yeah, for sure.

I know.

Body image is a big part of it too. For me. One of the areas where I'm like, h wow, Okay, I didn't really recognize that until now. Yeah, now that I do, let's work on cleaning that up, you know.

Yeah, And that's all you can do. The good thing is to recognize it and then be willing to put in the work to help kind of rewire your brain.

What do you do when you put in the work, Like, how do you stay connected to yourself when you're busy like you are and you're doing you know, movies back to back and appearances and all the things, and everybody's taken some pieces of you and time from you, and the end of the day, you're like, Okay, what's left for me? To take care of myself, Like, how do you connect back to that core?

I mean, my my biggest connection for me, which is the start of my day is my is my time with God. It is prayer and worship and just staying grounded in God's word and remind myself of who I am in terms of who God tells me and sees me, you know, He created me, and reminding myself of all of those attributes and not what the world says that I am or who say that I am, but who God says that I am. And then and that helps so much. And then at the end of the day, honestly,

Just oh that's the best, get on the couch.

And veg and and that's how I kind of get filled back up.

Yeah, me too, Just quiet a time at home with my loved ones. Yeah, and we don't have to be doing anything, yeah exactly, just that shared space that's safe where you can actually unplug and do nothing and that's okay. Yeah, like you all kind of want it and need it when you're in your little house. What you talked about your husband. How is it now that you have an empty nest fully?

Well, I don't, though my youngest is still at home.

Okay, me one still at home too. Yeah, so I want to be an empty nester like we do. Part of me thinks I should experience that like i've, like you, got married very early, started having kids really early, gave my life up to raising the girls and working and keeping all juggling all the things. And there's part of me that's like, wow, other people are getting to be empty nesters, and like, I wonder what that's like, because I don't have it fully and you don't either.

I've had it. I've had it fully have because they and then they've come back and back. You know that happens a lot and so and so. Currently I'm not an empty master, but it's it's weird, man, when they're all gone, the house is so quiet and it feels lonely. Maybe if you have a pet. Do you have any dogs or cats? Okay, that at least helps, yes, But when all three of mine were gone, then my dog died.

It was beautiful dog. He was so beautiful he.

Was and it was, but it was like so sad to be at home. I'm just like, what, why? Why is it so empty in here? You do you as much as sometimes the hustle and bustle are the noise and the music and the fridge opening and closing. I mean, I have two boys and a daughter, but you know, the fridge just never stops opening and closing. With boys and you you just miss all of those sounds, you know. And so I'm actually now that because I have experience

I know, I'm like, you can just live here forever. It's fine. You do a lot. You do a lot of exercising and fitness, and I know that's really important to you. What happens does Candice? Can remember have her ball off the wagon when it comes to exercise?

Oh well, yes, yes? And no. I saw that you recently had Cameron Mathison on.

Who played our love interests.

I know you've had him for several movies too, And then we finally worked together last year and I was like, Cameron, where have you been all my life? Like, because I've known him for so long, but we never worked together in a film, and anyway, we were just He's just so easy to work with, so I've loved it. But anyway, he's a fitness enthusiast and now has started his own company in that way. But even connecting with him last year helped me boost my fitness game even more, which

Yeah, I feel you because you have to kind of prioritize and yourself and your own energy and your own like can't. I gotta get through this the best I can and then I'll come back to that. Yeah, I do that too. It's kind of like compartmentalizing it in a way, but I feel like I try. It's very challenging when you're working a lot and traveling a lot. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, but I love it.

I'm I'm. I have series goals, which is why I upped my fitness game in the last year.

Goals, what are they?

I because I really want to enter my fifties at like peak shape, peak shape for me, and that truly is my birthday gift to myself. So at forty eight, I'm like, I'm starting this. I'm gonna just do what I haven't done yet so that I can create different results. And I want to enter I want to enter the fifties feeling the best that I can feel, and hopefully

It's not awful, it's you know, it's just something new to deal with. So I think it's kind of a universal, very relatable space that you're talking about. Yeah, yes, I know that. You are talking also on your podcast about aging m I saw recently you were talking about your neck, that whole situation with yes, picking up girl.

I feel like my neck is pretty fine. Your neck looks, which reds why I was surprised it got called out. Your neck looks great a turtle neck on, but like, I don't wear them often. I'm not trying to hide my neck.

I think, oh, I wear them to hide things, trust me. But I feel like it's kind of similar to when I was younger. I had an actor tell me, you know, you can really tell the age of a woman by her elbows, and I was like, this is me and my twenties.

Did you say your wenus is showing no?

No, but he did. He made me think about something I had never thought about, and then yeah, that's annoying internalized, like, oh my god, another thing for me to have to feel bad about myself as I get older my elbows, I would think weird.

I know who would say that that's weird.

It's weird, but it's stuck with me. So I can imagine feeling that same way anytime. I think, when you're vulnerable, you put yourself out there on screen in these roles, you know, and in I've not always been that fond of watching my work, so when I do watch it, I'm my own worst critic. But then to have somebody else over my shoulder giving me their commentary of what's not great about me, then I'm just like next level.

Yeah, I know, it's a strange business that we're in and that way that people are allowed to scrutinize you, even when it's coming from a good place. Because sometimes like in my case, like the which was the whole neck thing we were doing. We were doing like digital effects to make me look younger. I was supposed to look like I was thirty years old, and so that's why it got pointed out the places they were going

It was kind of like factual, Like it was factual. Yeah, we need to deal with it on your neck.

And your crow's feet and your foreheadlines. It was like cool, but now I'm going to think about them all the time.

Yeah, thanks for that. Yeah, it's it's a tricky thing aging in the public eye and like staying really grounded in your love for yourself and like you your ability to sort of shut out all the other voices.

Yeah, I think I I just I think the pressure is the worst part for me. And it's pressure from other actors and not that they're actually putting pressure on us, but you're just looking at, well, who's in my age range? What do they look like? I mean, you look at j Lo who's fifty what and you're like, she's gorgeous, she's stunning, she's so beautiful. And then you're like looking at your own wrinkles and and so there's there's this beauty standard when you look at some people, even though

And that's your choice, That's exactly. It's every woman should get to do whatever she wants to do with her body or face everything. So I feel you on that, and it's definitely, Like the pressure is not so much from outside, it's from inside. For me, like it's it turns into like an inner criticism or just awareness. Yeah, and then that can just kind of, like you know, spiral around. Yeah, I know, I take you to unhealthy places.

That that again is why I stay grounded in God's word and who what does God say about me? And not my own spiraling thoughts.

Because you can't trust those sometimes exactly. Your kids all seem very happy and very well adjusted, and I from what I can tell, they've had a wonderful upbringing, like any any family that has such glowing things to say about their mom and dad. I just noticed that they all speak so highly of you and your husband.

Thank you.

How I mean, did you and your husband from the get go have very similar styles in how you wanted to parent your kids or was that something you had to kind of find Is it something you have to revisit occasionally?

Yeah, certainly, certainly revisit occasionally. But I would say we definitely had similar styles. I mean, we were both My husband's not an actor, but he was a professional athlete, and so in the same way, just like I started working at five, he started working at four, you know, because he was just on the ice and skating every day.

That's what they want.

They got us fighting. So it's like you get put in that situation enough times that you you you you know, realize it and the little bell goes off. So before you even start, we val and I would establish ground rules Okay, here's what happens, so that they cannot manipulate us, and we would have all these discussions all the time, and I think you know, in that case, we would say, Okay, if if one of the kids comes up and asks

Yeah, I wish they were still asking if they could have a cookie?

No, No, But we were pretty pretty in sync with guaranteeing, and yeah, I'm grateful for that. And we do have a really wonderful close relationship with all of our kids.

That's really good. And I know, like when the kids get older and the dynamics change in the household a little bit, maybe one maybe me, maybe you, maybe them, I don't know, are struggling with this transitional time where your kids are leaving and you're you know, kind of like, WHOA,

Yeah, I really am proud of it. So is Val. And you know, just like most marriages, we hit some serious speed bumps and had a couple couple of times in our lives where we're like, mmmmm, I don't know if we're gonna make it through this one. Yeah, I'm

Wait when, like how long in I'm curious because I've been at the point too.

Yeah, well twenty fifteen, between fifteen and twenty years kind of hit the rock bottom point. And then and then COVID really helped us. The pandemic really helped us because then we were stuck in a house together.

Well, that's great that it helped you, because a lot of people I know didn't get through it that way.

I know. And we we kind of joked, we were like, this is either going to make us or break us. And I'm so happy to say that it that it made us because we we love We have such love for each other that we we didn't want what could have been of splitting. We really didn't want that at the core. And so we talked through so much stuff because we had nowhere to go, and I think both

Yeah, but that's when you have to.

That's when you have to. And that's that's where we got and uh, and we both were really honest in the things that we were both feeling. And then once we we shared those things, it was like, oh, Okay, I can actually work with this, I can work with this that now that I know what the problem is. And and we did. We just we just kept going and working at it. But that that, I mean, super core deep honesty was pivotal and I think a lot of us might not ever get there or Yeah, it's hard, it's so hard.

Nobody wants to not, you know, dump that bucket out, like they.

Don't want to dump the bucket out, and they don't want to hear it, like I don't want to hear all my faults, you know what I mean? Yeah, all the things that I'm like that's annoyed you for how many years? But you've never told me? And then you just feel like a.

Schmuck because I think for me a lot of times I will think things in my mind and not verbalize them. Yeah, And so then I'll start to just carry around whatever it is that's bugging me instead of just getting it out and talking about it and seeing like if it can become like some kind of funny little thing between me and my husband. Are like, just shift it from getting out of here and out onto our table. Yeah, I think that's good.

Well, it's a lot of it's a lot of work, but but I'm so glad that we went through that because now I honestly I feel like we're newlyweds and it's felt like that for the last five years, you know, and it's just a beautiful place to be.

Well, congratulations, I mean, I know it's hard work, so I commend you. You and I both lost friends stars, and the world lost them too.

Yeah.

I will just say for myself, I had moments where I struggled to allow my grief to do its thing because there were so many other people jumping into the grief of it, like because it was a you know, famous person in both of our cases that morning from the whole world. My friend Ian once told me, it's hard. It's really hard because you just keep getting reminded right of the loss by fans fans everywhere.

Yeah.

Yeah, and they want to they want to console you, they want to make you feel better, but at the same time, it's just like bringing it back up over and over and over and over. Do you struggle with getting through your grief with important people like that in your life in a public setting.

Well, I very much relate to what Iron said and what you just said, because I think that that was the hardest part. And you go through your grief, you handle it and with the people that you love around you, and that felt like, Okay, you're going through these different stages. I felt that I was dealing with it in a healthy way. That felt like, Okay, you know, this is how it is. But it is that constant reminder when you're around other people and they're like, I'm so sorry

It's so hard with the cast photos. It's really hard. Yeah.

Well, I do enjoy looking at the cast photos because it his Like Bob's face just brings me a huge smile. It just because he was He was so funny and he was one of my best friends and he made me laugh so much. So when I do see his face, you know, it's painful that there's loss, but he brought me so much joy, so I can't help but not

No, I get it. I can definitely relate because I don't know. There's something about when people you love are gone, like there forever, something in your mind like like you said, it's always a good feeling, like always like you made you laugh and you want to stay in that memory of him. Yeah, but revisiting the tragedy, right, that's that moment it is not Yeah, And also people just mean well.

They just I was just gonna say that people they want to connect, they want to connect with you. They do mean so well, and it truly has grieved them because they were public people and they they meant something to them, and so it is. Yeah, it's just a little bit of a strange thing that go through on that level.

Right, big picture, what was one of the biggest life choices you made that positively impacted the trajectory of your life to where you are right now? Ooh, I'm sure there's more than one.

There's more than one. We used to live in Florida. We lived there for ten years when my husband played hockey and then he had retired, but we stayed there for a few extra years because our kids were in school there and they loved my kids and my husband loved Florida. And we had moved back to LA after my husband retired because I started working again and I had something that a show that I was on for a couple of years, and that's why we moved back.

That's great though, to not only make that choice, you know, be strong enough to make that choice in the in the eyes of feeling guilty a little bit for your kids and like feeling selfish, but then to end up realizing that that was the right choice, Like, look, how great everyone's doing. We're all doing great. Yeah, and I'm my careers moving forward and I'm doing what I love and yeah, it's just a good spot for you to be in. I know you're making you make a lot

I did one, I've already filmed. Yeah, I have two new ones this year. One is with Cameron. It's a sequel movie called Another Sweet Christmas to our movie last year. And then I have another one with my daughter Natasha, and it's called Timeless Tidings of Joy. And it's cool because it's so it's a period piece. It's a time travel movie, which I love. The time travel ones make me laugh, Like I.

Who wouldn't want to time travel?

Who doesn't want a time travel? So I go back to nineteen forty five and I meet my grandmother as a twenty year old, and so my grandmother's being played by my daughter Natasha. And it's a sweet story in that I get to understand who she is as a young woman and why she made the life choices and decisions back at that time that then affect the present day. But that was that was a really special time to get to spend with her and make a movie with her.

Yeah, I think it. I mean I know people are gonna love it. They love it when you know we work with our kids. Yes, they do, because it's like they get to see us how they remember us, but in our kids.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's really neat to be able to do that.

Yeah.

So I hope you guys do it more. I don't know if she'll be into more Christmas movies, but maybe she has the bug now, maybe she's feeling Christmas.

I don't know, we'll see. She likes the drama way more than me.

Yeah. Okay, well, Candace, before I let you go what was your last I Choose me moment.

I don't know how many people have said this. I feel like I could be one of many or only Cameron Mathison. I literally chose me at the gym this morning, and I feel like every morning I choose me. When I wake up and go to the gym and pump iron before my day begins, that is like this. It is all for me. It's all all for me, and I love it and it just makes me feel really good.

Well, I don't think it's all for you, honestly. I think that's a gift you're giving your kids and your grandchildren.

Well, that's a good way, husband, got it.

I mean that's the thing with I Choose me moments. They always end up they can feel like it's all me centric, but they end up benefiting the other people in our lives. We just maybe in the moment it feels like it's all for me, which can feel selfish. But I don't think in your case, going to the gym feel selfish. But I just have to counter act you know that. Yeah, I think it's for your whole family too. I feel that when I work out, like I want to stay healthy for them as long as

Thanks for having me on it was so nice.

Nice to see you you too, Bye bye