You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone, exciting news. Okay, my second annual I Choose Me Live Summit Women's empowerment event is coming to Los Angeles on Saturday, April twenty fifth, and I want you to be there. The I Choose Me movement began as three little words on Beverly Hills nine O two one oh in nineteen ninety five, but it has evolved into something so much more than that. A revolution, you guys. It's a message I feel so passionate about.
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Thank you so much. Welcome back to I Choose Me.
Okay, I'm back with Amy Landecker getting into some good stuff from directing debuts to dating don'ts, and what.
She's learned about love.
For Better or For Worse? Amy, we had a fantastic conversation about your new movie For Worse, navigating the second X, blending the families, the vulnerability of starting over. So I thought we could do a little fun word play with For Worse. You went back and forth acting and directing in For Worse and writing. By the way, what was the better and what was the worse? Did you like director more or acting more?
Yeah? I know that's a really that's hard because I liked them both. I mean, for Better was doing both because I felt like, my I'm gonna chance change it up on you a little, because my acting was better because I was directing, And I think my directing was better because I was acting because both part parts of
my brain were being used at the same time. For Worse is always the writing, because it's the hardest part, you know, it's it's writing is writing is one of those things where like when you're in it it's really fun, but getting in it is really painful.
Yes, it's hard.
It's like the on ramp. It's really long. The on ramp is hard.
And then you you hand those papers to people and they read it, or even then they're they are asked to act it out, and I'm sure your mind is racing with oh my god, what are they thinking?
Oh yeah, And there were some lines I wrote where I was like, don't say that. I can't.
That was so stupid, That's so terrible.
I wrote that. No, And then you give it to people and they give you notes, and there's just nothing worse than that. Like it's like, I don't want your notes.
I hate the notes because you wrote what you wrote, and like, how do you incorporate what someone else wants you to write?
If the note is worth taking or not. They're not. Honestly, they're very helpful, but it is like, literally one of the hardest feelings in the world, because all you want is for someone to read it and go, this is the best thing I've ever read in my entire life. I have no notes. That's not how it goes. So okay.
You've worked with everyone from the Cohen Brothers to Paul Giamatti to Judith Light, Gabby Hoffman, everyone, your husband, Bradley Whitford. Who is an actor or director that you would love to work with, who would make your work better? Maybe you've already worked with them.
Well, that's really interesting for some reason, Like Jordan Peele is coming into my head. Jordan Peele is one of those people who like, he had a real passion for horror, right so he he his first film was get Out. Obviously I had connection to that because Bradley was in it. I thought it was like one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. It fired for me
on like all cylinders. Yeah, he was someone that Bradley talked a lot about and I sort of took this advice from him, and I think why it would be fun to work with him as he was. I think actors make great directors, first of all. I just think they're they make great directors because they really understand how an actor wants to be talked to, and a lot of directors have no idea that like it's like are you kidding me?
Like so bad?
Sometimes I mean it's so bad, it's like and actors, you know, brobably always makes a joke like directors don't don't get to see other people direct, right, but we but we get yeah, we get laid. We're getting it all the time. But he said, like every actor needs it requires a complete like a different thing, Like I can't come to Ken Marino with the same thing that I come to Gabby Hoffman with because they might like work differently, and so I feel like I'd love to
see how he would tailor to me. And I just think there's certain I did a play with David Kromer, who's a very well known theater director, and he was really hard. I found like it wasn't an easy process. But I felt like I would never be bad with him, Like he would never he wouldn't allow like it just his taste level was so high that like I would never suck in that situation. And so I kind of
liked that too. I just like to feel like I'm in really smart, good hands so that my best is kind of brought to the surface.
Yeah, it's important.
Yeah, I mean, because I can be not I can be I mean, yeah bad, but I mean I'm bad in some things, like I'm like, oh my god, I can't watch that. Wait.
I have to ask you this question.
Okay, as the writer, director, producer, actress, the person promoting this movie, you're the movie when you when you watch yourself on screen, when you when you're you know, you said you didn't edit this much. But when you're watching those dailies, when you see the final cut, what's going on in what's the conversation going on in your mind? Because I am familiar with the conversations that go on in my mind, but I'm curious about you.
I mean, I think there's this thing. There's always the first reaction, which is very physical. I just did like ADR today. I'm in I have a fun little part, very juicy little part in Chris Rock's movie called Misty Green, that I think is going to come out in the fall for A twenty four, and so I had to go in and do ADYR. I don't know if you remember. I don't know when last year was nothing worse than seeing yourself before color correction. And the first is always
the physical. I mean, it's just judgment. I don't like the part on ourselves. It's so hard. I don't like this. I don't like that. I don't like this. In fact, when I work in TV or film or whatever. I go into the hair and makeup process and I do not look in the mirror again. Other actors like to sort of check themselves.
Out or no me either. I really they did their exactly good. I'm sure it's good.
I want to look. I don't want to look. I want to turn on like a totally different part of myself. But I couldn't do that with this movie. I was like going to be seeing myself. I knew a lot. There was no way not to look right, so I
could like not watch stuff I'm in. I can, but this was and what was the most like cool part, I guess And I've sort of realized this with like exposure therapy, like I'll see a picture or something like oh not, just like stay with it, you know, and stay with it, and then all of a sudden, it's like like you can be kinder to yourself or you can like it doesn't look as bad, and it's just like giving yourself like enough familiarity because sometimes they think
our image doesn't match how we feel inside. And it's like getting familiar with what you actually look like now, which is different than you looked like before. And you know, I obviously too. Also like I'm a Hollywood person and I spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars a year on my skin and trying to kind of fight that battle and optimize it. But like today, my it was tough, right. I'm just like and my girlfriend saw
this movie. They saw an early cut and they're like, oh my god, you look so great in this movie, and it's like so anyway, long story, sure, the real delight watching the movie is that there was a point where I really stopped judging myself, like I stopped having any issue and all I was looking at and I was and there was a part of me like, are you narcissistic that you like this maybe so much? Or
that you like yourself in the movie? Like I like my performance and I and what I see is someone who's really enjoying being in the scenes with the people that she's with. And that's that's what I'm seeing now, And I really see we all had a really wonderful time, like a really wonderful time, And that's what I see is like that joyous play that was going on.
I love that you got there because that's what you took a few viewings I'm sure. Yeah, I love that you got there, because wow, it's just sucks being so hard on ourselves.
And you know, everybody, let everybody else see that.
I mean, but Bradley's like, women are insane, insane, Like you guys are so hard on yourself. I'm like, it's unreal, Like it's just it's it's never ending, you know, It's He's just you know, and he's like, I mean, he's like, look, I care about aging and I'm judgmental in myself, but I don't like it's it's not used as like a cudgel throughout the day, you know, and doesn't like change my mental health. I'm like, oh right, women, it's tough, it's.
Yeah, and hopefully we can just let it go because well, at.
The end of the day, looking at yourself and going I love you this way I love you. I mean, it sounds so cheesy, but it works.
It really does. SE mean, I say that to people all the time. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love your.
You're beautiful, you look beautiful. I was doing downward facing dog with like nou with shorts on and like my thighs are like unrecognizable to me on a downward facing dog like it's.
Just an angle.
Yeah, it's literally, and I just instead of I remember going like you should go put pants on, I was like, no, just look, keep looking at it and be nice to yourself and like be glad that your legs are working.
Yeah, they're alive.
That I can do downward facing tod and it's just fucking skin. And Bradley's always joking. He's like, women are like, we're like, looks good to me, Like you know, like we they're like fine with all of it. And then you're like, dude, choose to not believe.
Him though, like when he says I like it, what does it matter? Like my husband's like.
I don't see what you see. There are some men who like but like, I know my husband thinks I've got a great body. I know he does, and I think I have a hideous body if I'm in a certain part of my brain right like I'm like, this is wrong. That is wrong, and I mean part of what makes me feel better is his But he also
is a man likes real like like he doesn't. There are, in my opinion, men who are really only interested in like twenty five year old body Oh yeah, I just don't need to be with those men, right, not your guy. Not to say it doesn't exist, that there aren't men, but I really do feel like in this might be controversial, but to say that women and gay men are probably the hardest on ourselves than anyone else.
And I think that's why I have such a love for them.
Yeah, men, gay men.
Or kid, we're kindred spirits.
We get each other. Yep, it's you, okay.
So like the most straight guys are like, you know, looks good, looks good enough for you. I don't care, Get over there, down and let's have fun.
So okay, okay, a romantic comedy. The Four Worst is a romantic comedy.
So what has been.
Like the best and the worst advice about love that you've either gotten or have given?
Oh good question, or what's the best. What's the best advice that you would say ever got? The best advice I ever got was to put Iris.
My child, my daughter first in every decision I was making about my professional life and my love life, and that if I put Iris's interests, it sounds weird because it's like, well, I should be put first. But there was something about putting my kid when my kid was younger, what I would feel would be best for her first was guiding me to better relationships and better better decisions
with work, and it worked really well for me. It was like a like a you know, like what do you call that, like like the light that guides you whatever. It was just like a very healthy way to say, would this be good? And honestly, my friends were struggling a lot in their relationships, like because the person doesn't get along with the kid or they like, it's very hard. It's very hard to have any real happiness or peace when that's going on. So for me, it was really
finding a man who could love my kid. And it was also not taking a big job, maybe because I was gonna I wanted to be present for my kid and realizing in retrospect, I'm so glad I didn't put like my ambition first, because I don't. I don't. I think the idea of our jobs, particularly as actors, like it sounds so good, right, It's like, but we know when you're really in it. Like my manager said to me, your job will never love you back, Like you can love your job, but your job is not going to
love you back. Able to hear well, and it was and I was kind of, well, I don't know if that's true, because I've had some jobs that I really but the more that I thought about, I was like, no, people love you back, you know.
Like the people at your job.
Maybe, yes, absolutely, But the trappings of it, yeah, like oh, the money or the prestige or whatever I think is going to come from that thing is very transient.
Yeah, it is. You got to let all that go.
And when you have a kid or kids, it just puts it all just like right into perspective.
And a guy, like.
When you're an actress or an actor, you're in this industry.
Like especially an actress.
It's like there's that part of you have to put put enough effort into yourself. You have to pay attention to the decisions and think about what your next move is and what's right for you. There's a lot of like me, me, me, me me.
Yes in what we do. I had a very prestigious, like dream job, and I would be much more well known to today if I took it, and luckily I didn't take the advice. And it was people that I really like, thought very highly of who did always put their career first, and that's not a wrong choice for a person who wants to put their career first. That's i'd like, I'm not saying there's one writer the other, no,
because it really is personal to you. I just had known that I had a child who needed me, and I knew if I was number one on a call sheet what that meant in terms of hours, and we were gonna have to move to another country, and I was dating Bradley and I but it wasn't even like, oh, because the kid, this is the cool part, right, It's like it's not just because of the kid, and it's
not just because of Bradley. It's like I just know that I just knew intuitively that I wasn't that that wasn't something I was quite ready for, like in my life as a my nervous system, the way I work, the way I'm comfortable, and I might have used them as like additional reasons, but like it was also very true to myself. And it was really hard because when the project hit it it was very very popular for a while, and I spent some time going did I
make the wrong decision? And again, coming back to what you're talking about earlier, I just whenever I got really quiet, I knew I made the right decision. I knew it, but it was all the fear around uh, power and prestige, right like, and enough time has passed, I always look back and I go, oh, thank god. Yeah, I mean, I have a great relationship with my kid. My kid's doing really well. I'm married to the love I mean, like,
none of that would have happened. No, and that job was over now right like so.
Well, I think that's such a great insight because we often think like we have to make a decision right now, like this is opportunities going to pass five pm. I need your answer, And sometimes you've got to be like, no, you know what I need the night. I need some time to consider that now.
First of I'll never make a decision after five pm because you're too tired. But also never if you're in a rush, stop, Like anytime I'm in a rush, I'm usually about to make a bad decision. If I'm like, I'm in a rush, I have to text this person right now or I have to like that is a sign that I am not in alignment with myself and I need to just slow down. Pause pause, pause, pause. I'm a huge pause believer.
Oh my god, I pause all the time, and I think.
Pause poses people must think, like, what where'd you go? It's so smart though, and definitely take twenty four hours. I mean for sure, you.
Know, for sure, I love talking to you. I think you are a really inspirational lady. Let's hang out, let's get some tea or something.
Yeah, I would love that. I am sober as well, so we're kidding.
Yeah, it doesn't happen all So finding the right date a.
Couple of years now, we didn't even talk about that. I was going to say at some point like that was probably one of the biggest decisions that I if you want to, I didn't say, because I don't talk about it, but like that much. It's like, look, if you have a substance issue and you're trying to accomplish something, take care of that first, because you will you will not accomplish it with the joy and free and you might accomplish it, but it's not going to feel the
same way. So that's a big thing that opened up pathways for my whole life for sure.
Yeah, just the clarity that you're like, I know that this is clear, Like it feels there's something so you can't.
Hear your gut when it's covered with a lot of that. If you have an issue with it, it's covering it, you know.
And ya the best thing I did too, one of the best things. So we will hang.
But I just want to make sure everybody knows how to find your film, your gorgeous film, just.
Like Google, or go to Amazon. Really just go to Amazon and put in for worse movie, or go to Apple TV and search it, search it baby, and you can rent it or you can buy it. And you know, I would mean a lot to me and to all the independent filmmakers out there that are support support.
Yeah.
I enjoyed it, and I'm going to tell everybody about it.
Oh, thank you, Jenny's Okay, thank you, Amy. I love it. Bye.