You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl.
Welcome back to I Choose Me, the podcast where remarkable people share how they choose themselves through life's highs and lows. I had the privilege of bringing some of these badasses on stage for my second annual I Choose Me Live event, and now I'm sharing them with you. My friend Callina Strino sat down backstage with a wonderful spiritual leader Debbie Brown, the incredible Sarah Shahi, and the sparkling Genie May, who is also Chief Brand Officer for Owlsbrew, which is a
female founded beverage brand that hosted our wonderful day. Thank you Owls Brew for the Chelsea Handler's Vodka, Lemonade and Spiked Pop.
Here we go, I'm clean Astrina's backstage of the second annual I Choose Me Live Women's Empowerment. I'm and we have Debbie Brown. We're so excited to talk to you because you are the MC today.
This is huge.
How has it been so far?
Oh, it's been so fun. There is nothing I love more than people getting together to really open their hearts and learn about community.
So when you're up there and you're seeing all those eyes looking back at you, and knowing that they're listening so intently to your every word, knowing that they're a fan of your podcast and a fan of just you and all the words that you say to empower people. How does that make you feel?
I think it makes me feel very used by God. I think that's like the point of some of the work that we get to do. You know, it's like using our gifts, of course, using our skills and our talents, but really to be in service to the bigger story happening on earth, you know, being in service to other people. So I think that's always the best thing. If you can say something that lands somewhere inside of someone that produces any kind of freedom, it's just you're really grateful.
I'm really grateful your book Living in Wisdom. It helps people get unstuck with daily health rituals. When someone is feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing sadness, or just you know, stuck in that moment where they don't feel like they can really navigate their way out of it and don't even know where to start. What are some things they can do to try to begin that.
Process, you know, I think for all of us. We want to rush through things quickly, and I know it's so important that we do that because you know, life moves fast. But I think everyone first we have to get into a place where we can give ourselves compassion
and curiosity. So for any of us listening that are you know, just overwhelmed or going through hard things like we all go through sometimes really really hard things, taking a second to honor your grief before you even try to make your plan, to honor the feeling of like what's hurting? How did this happen? What is the better feeling or experience that I want? And then kind of moving towards how can I start to make that true
in my life? But I think so many things have to start with our own compassion for ourselves and our ability to give ourselves some of our basic needs so we can make good choices, like getting as much sleep as we possibly can, getting higher quality sleep, being able to take a few deep breaths so your nervous system can regulate enough so that you can have good ideas.
What are some things that you think people can do, maybe if it's even only a minute a day or five minutes a day, Because I feel like people will constantly say there's never enough time in the day. I don't have time. I have to do all these things, and your brain gets overwhelmed with the list of things you have to accomplish. So for those people who say they only have thirty seconds to a minute a day to themselves, what's that one thing that they can do within that time that could help reset?
So I love this question so much, and I would say, one, why are we relegating ourselves to thirty seconds to one minute a day when everybody listening gives at least forty five minutes a day to Instagram scrolling or to you know, couch rotting or binging whatever show. So one, I just want everyone to start to think, do you only deserve thirty seconds to a minute? I know, like we want to push ourselves to get something done that fast, but
taking time with yourself is such a gift. But okay, if we have limited time, Okay, if you have very limited time. Something I think can be really surprisingly helpful for people is to stand in a comfortable way, place one hand on your heart, place the other hand on.
Top of it, close your eyes.
Take three deep, full breaths, so really fill up your belly side out with your mouth. I want you to hear it.
Wait, I want to do it here, Hold on a second, ah, take a second, let that little bed of like silence and relief fill your body and then just sway aside to side and start.
To hum, activate a hum in your body. So yeah, whatever sound feels natural for you, and clearly you don't have to be a singer. Humming can help to reset your nervous system, It can help to open your heart space, it can help to release grief, relief, stress. So something that simple, stand in a comfortable way or sit, hold your heart, close your eyes, three deep breaths and hum two minutes tops. But it really does give you a feeling of being deeply centered, a little bit more competent
for your life, and just more you. Because when we're frazzled, you lose your personality. That's the first thing that goes. You're not who you say you are. We want to be ourselves, we want to be the best of ourselves
in our lives, in our world. So something that brief can definitely help you one just kind of reset for the moment, but then work on some of the bigger needs like getting better sleep, definitely maybe stretching that closing eyes and touching your heart to like ten minutes than twenty, but I think that would be a good start.
I think that's a great start. And it's something as simple as that. For those thirty seconds to a minute, right when you get in the car, maybe right before you make that phone call, maybe right before you have to pick up your kids. You just take that brief second for yourself and it could really reshape the next couple hours of your day.
That is so real and exactly the way that you identified it for everyone is how we should look at it. It's not about making it perfect and saying, Okay, I have my perfect zen room in my house. It's so instagrammable. Okay, the perfect cushion, I'm gonna sit down, I have my little sweatsuit. Yeah yeah, yeah, blah blah blah. That is
where your real life happens. That moment before you're about to have a challenging or important conversation on the phone, take that breath, do that hum, that moment that you're in the elevator by yourself, or sitting in traffic. We have all of these little pockets that we could really bless our lives if we use them differently, and it does just like you said that two minutes can change the trajectory of the next like two to twelve hours in ways that can really benefit our lives.
I feel like a lot of people have shifted from, you know, especially parents, feeling guilty taking time to themselves to now wanting to do that. And Jenny does a great job of just encouraging people to say, hey, it's not selfish to take that second or two or ten minutes, twenty minutes an hour for yourself. You should really actually do that and it'll be so beneficial in the future. What are some things that you've done recently to make sure you chose yourself.
Oh my gosh, it's so funny because that's the part that I always definitely have to work hard on as someone that helps heal with other people, I'm like, you need some of this too. So I'm a mama of a eight year old in two weeks, and.
I would endulation, Oh my gosh.
It's the absolute best. But you know, you're right to your point. It's like life in general is a lot, so I think ways that I really look to do that. I love taking a two bag up some salt bath, like two to three times a week, I will find the time and then I usually do it in the dark with just a candle.
I breathe.
I play like a really cool playlist like Selection or some interesting new jazz, and I just really make that like my time in that warm salty water, floating a little bit. By the time I get out, I'm just ready for anything.
We have Sarah Shawe here with us today. Thank you so much for being here at this amazing I choose me event.
Yeah, thank you for having me.
This is such a privilege, right, So, how are you feeling being here? There's a ton of people inside? Are there so many people and they're so excited. When you go out there, you will literally have people who you don't know come up to you and say why they're here, why it was so important for them to be here today, and how they chose themselves. That's beautiful, and I feel like I want to ask you how you choose yourself every day.
Yeah, it took me a long time, honestly to get to that place. But I think there's this great quote by the spiritual leader named Reverend Michael Beckwith and he has this quote that says, pain persists until the vision pulls, and I will never forget the moment in my life. This was a few years ago, and I've spoken about it openly and written about it in the book.
But it's like.
I saw a version of myself in the future that was aligned with my dreams, my goals, what I wanted, and that was the moment that I chose myself. And what it came down to was loving myself more. So.
I think when you.
Get to that place of true resonance within and you finally love yourself more, you love yourself more than your people pleasing habits, You love yourself more than the natural inclination to twist yourself into a pretzel to make everybody else happy.
That's when you choose yourself.
Let's talk about your books since you mentioned it, shall we Life is lifey?
Right?
Yeah?
Life is Life?
Tell us about the book and also very aesthetically pleasing too, by the way, But tell us about the book and why you wanted to write it.
You know, it's interesting because when I first when I got sex life, So sex life.
Came to me at a very interesting point in my life. You know.
It's like many women, I felt overworked, overburdened. I was carrying the majority at home at work, and self care to me look like adding metamucil to every meal and picking parsley out of my teeth, you know what I mean?
That was my ten minutes a day of self care.
And the character of Billy, she became such a buzz in my veins because she had the courage to outwardly question all of the things that I was silently questioning. And with the show's success, so many women reached out to me, and I kind of became like the poster
child for unhappy women. And you know, around the same times when I got my divorce and I was in a very new relationship that resonated with people, and my press became advice columns, and that's when I got the idea that I was like, well, why don't I just.
Take all of this hard earned wisdom.
I refused to believe that my pain was ever in vain and let me put it down somewhere. So I wrote the book to heal myself.
It was my version of.
Therapy, and in that I feel like it's really found its voice with.
A lot of a lot of people.
So when you were in this moment of time where people were reaching out to about your character, and then you're going through your own you know, stuff behind the scenes at home and navigating through all of that. Where did you come to a moment, like a turning point where you said, Okay, I can take what I've learned from my character and all these people reaching out to me. How did you navigate the way you wanted to help them but also help yourself?
Hmmm, the way I wanted to help them but then also help myself. Well, I feel like advice is not prescriptive, you know, it's not. Advice is not a one size fit. It's all type of model. And I'm somebody who never tells people what to do because I feel like everyone has their own individual journey.
So I can just speak.
On what has worked for me and pass that along with the sort of openness to allow someone else's experience to color it however way they need.
I don't know if that makes sense.
But it's like, I, yeah, like I never I never say well, this is what worked for me, so this is what you should do, you know. It's like, instead, I'm like, well, this is how I got through that. What feels good to you.
And sometimes it's just that connection of knowing someone went through the same thing that aids and helps.
Yeah, I feel like it's important, you know, especially for women, like we have, I think an obligation to share stories with one another, you know. And I think something really magical happens when you get a group of women together. It's like this magical ancestral knowledge that can be passed down to each other, you know, almost kind of.
Tribal, right, and I feel like we.
Have a sense of responsibility to one another to do that. I mean, you know, after all, we're all here just to walk each other home, right, So it's like, at the end of the day, I really do feel like it's a purpose of mine to be able to speak on my life and what worked, and you know, just to be able to help another human out.
Well you just helped me out. Oh thank you. We have Genie May here?
What everybody?
Are you so excited to be here? Why was it important for you to be here today?
Because the words choose me like that's just just something that I don't think women do enough of. I just learned how to do it, like in my forties. And also Jenny Garth, a Baddie like beyond. She's so bombed, you know. So, yeah, all the magic together, I have to be here.
You know.
And she really does a good job of letting people, no, it's not selfish to choose yourself. Make sure you do do that. So what was the last thing you did that you chose yourself?
What was that?
I would say, God, having my daughter, even though all of my worries and fears said no, really channeling down and realizing no, I'm not gonna let my worries dictate a beautiful future for myself. So deciding that I do want this for myself is a huge yes, you know. And so having my daughter with Monoco is the moment I chose me.
So for other people who might be in this space where they're like, how do I even choose myself? I have a laundry list of things I have to do, and you know, I have kids, I have work, I have this. What do you say to them about how important it is to just do it?
There's this really beautiful like perspective I learned in therapy a long time ago about the two percent. You make this two percent pivot and you can see a world change from just that two percent. And I notice that every time we build a schedule, it's around our kids, it's around our family, it's around you know, work. But if you just made that two percent pivot of like, Okay, what am I going to do on that way to work? What am I going to do for me on that
way to go pick up my kids? And all of a sudden, you notice that it's not so hard to prioritize yourself and that little minute move, whether it's turning on a podcast for yourself or stopping by the nail salan to get your nails, then it just pays you back in so much reward, you know. So I think, make that two percent pivot of sure, take a look at your schedule and in that schedule, do a little something for you alongside that schedule, and just see how much how much more rewarding that feels.
That's great advice.
I've never heard that two percent yeah of phrasing. There in a world where women are just expected to appear strong all the time, all the time, every single day to everybody, how have you learned how vulnerability can actually be the strength.
Vulnerability is the greatest superhero, a trait that we all have I think that it's the magic sauce that we have as humans when we see that ability to recognize our worth and to really just be be honest and humble about what sucks, what's painful, what made you break down, what made you cry. At forty seven years old, I have lost the ability to be embarrassed about things anymore. Like you almost like earn a right of passage to just continue to fuck up, you know, continue to let
yourself just mess up. And so what I'm braver because I have to do it in front of my family, in front of my daughter, in front of the public, and I have to constantly remind myself that instead of shaming myself and hiding more because of it. And I think that for anybody else, you know, we always feel like we're in fear of the audience that's in front of us, when really you're doing something so mighty that
somebody else couldn't even fathom trying. And so I just now, in my midlife, I'm starting to recognize how thankful I am for those failures because I learned so much and it gave me such strength and power to learn how to continue through what I'm trying to do.
Today when you say that you talk about your failures and then your successes, and you mentioned you have a daughter, how does that play into the way you raise her to make sure you're still emphasizing this empowerment, but knowing that, Okay, she's growing up, she's gonna make mistakes.
We almost over celebrate the failures.
We over celebrate the whoops. It's a weird dynamic in our house to actually see something so different than what I grew up in. Like if I spilled a glass of milk and my mom would be like, oh my god, Genie, I've got to clean all this up and so and for us, we're like, okay, great, now you learned that if you're placing that too close to the edge and your elbow hits.
It, now you know it falls. Okay, awesome, now you know.
And it just for some reason, it lightens everybody's mood up and it ricochets through my family when we see each other react like that, because it makes you all just hold a mirror to yourself realizing wasn't really that big of a deal, because the knee jerk reaction is crap. Now there's something all over it. Now obviously we're not gonna go crazy. I don't want like wine on my carpets, you know what I mean. But now I've learned that she's like, Mom, it's it's not a big deal. I'm okay,
it's great. It's it's not so serious. And I love that she said reminds me of that because I can be kind of too much of a capricorn and too much of a perfectionist.
To see her react like that is so rewarding for me.
Let's talk about you giving back to the community after the fires, because La went through so much, but that was really important for you to do and do it with your family too. Can you talk about why that was so important for you?
Because La is my spot man, I mean Alta Dina is I feel like the backbone to the culture.
And the my God, the love in La.
It's it's a neighboring city, it's not too far away, and it's just framed by beautiful mountains, the mountain lions that La has to offer that you don't always get to see because of the buildings around Hollywood. And it's full of just the most loving, hardworking people, primarily black, brown, and some Asian. And so when I see Alta Dina. It reminds me of San Jose, where I was from.
So when I learned that Alta Dina didn't have food or running water for almost a month and a half after the fires, I mean, what else are.
You supposed to do?
These are our aunties or uncles, our grandma and grandpa's like I was.
I was in there.
But thankfully, we have such an incredible community in Los Angeles that I had incredible donations from friends and family and great restaurants, neighboring restaurants that just donated incredible food to these to these these victims, and now they're thriving and surviving, and you know, it was all because of the community spirit that we have together.
We were so lucky to have Debbie Brown as our master of ceremonies, and I loved speaking with Sarah Shahi and Genie My. I mean, the wisdom and the heart of that conversation and the energy. So stay tuned for more, you guys, and please do not forget to choose yourselves.