You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garle.
Hi.
Everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about the choices we make. So today I'm joined by the incredible Brooke Berk, a woman who's worn a lot of hats and somehow keeps finding new ones that fit. From reality TV, both as a competitor and a host to parenting and partnerships, Brooke has made some really big choices on an off screen and in her heart. We're talking about resilience, reinvention, and how to move forward when
things don't go as planned. There are going to be laughs and surprises, a few wellness hacks that you're going to want to google immediately, and a really beautiful reminder that choosing yourself doesn't have to be loud to be powerful. Oh my gosh, Okay, this is so exciting. Hi. Hi, I haven't seen you since Soho House Christmas party or something like that.
I heard, Yeah, good memory. You're absolutely right that was the last time we saw each other.
Yeah yeah, okay, you just got back from one of your retreats, right, yes, tell me everything I need to know about this, because I love a good retreat.
Oh my, gosh, I would be so honored and would love to have you ever join us, because yes, it's same, and we need it and it's not a rite of passage and we deserve it. And for any female that's listening, men too, we won't. It's mostly women that do this work. It's called the Pause, and we really are in such desperate need of a moment to just slow the hell down again, listen to that inner voice. Take some time out, check out, check in. You know what I'm talking about
when mind around. A new sort of capsule on the brook Brook Body app called the feminine strength theory. But it's not strength and like what we're building and what we're lifting. It's the things that we're building in our life strength and how we show up strength in our surrender, strengthen, what we're holding on to strength and what we need to let go of. Like all yeah, is that we're not necessarily relating to the concept of strength, and I feel like that's a This is a new phase for
us as women, introducing the feminine Strength theory. It's called the Pause because it's going to be a really amazing week to just slow the heck down. We need it.
I need it and I need it.
I love guiding this work.
Yes, I can imagine how fulfilling this must be. I'm curious when did you start focusing. When did you feel that the choice was clear for you to start focusing on this sort of offshoot of what you've always done. Yeah, as an actress, as you know all the things that you've done, this.
Is you find yourself in a similar space as well, because entertainment, like is the world that we come from, which I love. It has allowed me to do so many other things. And about seven years ago I launched my app, which started out as a fitness app, and now brook Body is about wellness and mindfulness and meditation and it's education. So it's become a much bigger picture. So there's a re educating right to our audience. I say hour because I know you're in that same.
Yeah, you know, reinventing yourself is it's an undertaking. It's not even a reinvention, it's just like a realignment of what you want to focus on and what. For me, it was like finding that purpose and doing something that was meaningful to me that at the end of the day, I was like, I feel good about what I'm doing.
I totally get that. I mean, doing what we're passionate about and living with purpose is such a huge conversation, especially from a world of entertainment where I pitched a hundred shows and nobody really cared about the owners. So upon myself and built the app and then accidentally actually got into the retreat space when I was redesigning my own life, when I was going through my second divorce, and I had no idea how much I was going to get out of it. So I feel like I
receive more in every retreat experience than I give. Like minded women, we connect, we journal, we share meals, we develop lifelong friendships. It's meaningful beyond I feel like everyone deserves to do this kind of work. And the days are full journaling, having sisterhood circles, asking provoking questions, really kind of taking a journey back to self. And the last retreat that I did at Savannah, I have a new partnership there. It was called the Body Blueprint.
That's in Arizona, right, that's.
An Arizona and it's top ten wellness destinations in our country. And it's like a playground of just self care, self love, from fitness to mindfulness and everything in between. They even have like a ropes course and team building opportunities.
Oh god, I don't want to do that. Do we have to do the team building like the ropes?
I can't raise out yours? Yes, But interesting enough, I was doing a little deep dive on your Instagram and some of the great things that you're doing lately and title of the show, Oh right. I just recorded, unrelated to this, a new meditation called I Choose Menaha, my daughter because it's her first year at school and she's been far away, well not that far away, but it
feels far away, you know. And I haven't really even dealt with that publicly yet because it's so difficult for me finding herself really in a new space and really struggling and struggling sort of navigating this next phase of life and the party scene and all of those that are not in alignment with who she is. And so I wrote a meditation for her that just kind of like came through me, and it's called I Choose Me, and it's about those choices that we make that are
for us, that support our own path. So I had to share that. I'm actually going to send it to you if you want, you can share it with.
Your I want it right now. I want you to send it to me. I'm going to do it tonight when I go to sleep.
I would love that, but I'll send it to you and share it with your audience because it's such an amazing moment when you can, I guess, find the no with every yes, the yes with every no, and find yourself in a space of confident and so when you're making choices that might not be aligned with the people around you, and especially as a young woman navigating that new stage that Rain is in. I know how to do that really well. But I didn't in my thirties,
and I didn't know. It took me into my fifties to really understand that when I show up differently, I show up in a stronger way. That's what the whole femine strength theory is about. I'm stronger because of the choices. Daughter calling me right now, which I knew she would. You say, this is my life and I have five children at home right now.
You wait, you have five children at home right now.
Right now on a podcast. I love you. Please don't call back unless it's an emergency.
Oh my gosh, five kids.
At home at home, it's crazy. So Mariah's touring, she's my oldest singer songwriter. Sierra's back from school, which I love having her home. And actually I lied, I still feel like I have five reigns in college. Was actually for at home right now.
It feels like you it was hard for you to send her to it was she is your baby.
She's my baby daughter, but he's daughter. It's just such a it's a just disruption of the foundation. And although it's amazing and it's her time, like the energetically, the whole dynamic of the family shifted as it should. I'm so happy that.
I know it's supposed to shift, but it's hard for the people that have been in it for so long.
When I work with so many women that go through this, and my oldest daughters, they stayed local and there was still a moment of change. But I feel like I guide, I guide so much and I need so much work that when I found myself in this one, I was just like, oh my god. I know.
Sometimes it's harder to practice what you teach or preach. You know, they always say that practice what you preach, and sometimes that's real, real hard. I agree, especially you know, when the kids fly the nest and like dealing with all that, it's hard. It's hard to it's hard for me sometimes to take my own advice. To know, you know, I am talking about something, yet I'm not incorporating into my life. Yesterday I was I failed miserably at it
or whatever. You know, do you ever find yourself in those positions, like when you're leading a retreat or a group of women, you know, that kind of vulnerability. And because I be honest, I adore you. I am a fan of yours. I look at your Instagram. I get like inspiration, I get your hacks, your tips. I love it. The lemon and the blender. It's all good. But you, yeah, the whole women. But I ei, there is an element of me that's like, oh my god, she's perfect, her
life is perfect. I want to be like her. I want to look like her. I want to live where she lives, like all the things that can kind of put women like remove themselves from the potential of them having the most for themselves because you get really, you know, sort of drawn in to see seeing how glamorous or beautiful or free or whatever your life is do you find that like breaking that down and showing your vulnerability just the same as the women are with that. You're talking to.
A loaded question. You know, I feel like we live in this very strange and powerful and productive world of social media and this facade and filter, right that we're all living behind. And I'm glad you asked that because one of the commitments that I've really made to my audience and in the work that I do is to be vulnerable enough to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. And it's not and it's not always easy.
And it's sort of like, if I'm teaching a workshop on how to show up, well, what about the days when I don't feel like showing up? I want to share that side of me as well, right, And I want to be able to laugh and cry and be honest and succeed and surrender and all of the different
elements that make me a strong woman. And you know, we're doing a bit segment on that right now at book work, Body and the Strength and the Surrender, right, and really understanding strength and weakness and where that lies. And I think so many of us are striving like to do it perfectly and to do it right, And I don't even know what that means. It's like, my life is messy and chaotic, and you know, marriage, divorce, marriage,
divorce again. I mean, one would say I'm not a great picker, but yet I have these amazing children, like I'm I'm okay, look at it and go, gosh, you know, what have I learned from that? From that? And how do I evolve from that? And how do I even sit in that space of not so great and really allow myself freedom to be in that space? How do I carve out that space.
And also to forgive yourself for those moments yeah, yeah, weren't great.
Yeah, And then this whole concept of like choosing you. I've been using that narrative a little bit. Also, even I love to be a yoga teacher. I love to be a student in yoga, but yoga for me is like medicine. It's not even to work. But one of the things I've been saying lately is I'm your Matt, like literally your Matt, steel space, like create space for yourself, steel space that just belongs to you for one fricking hour, yep,
make an hour. And you know, women like us, we know how chaotic life is in somebody always needs something like that's our I think that's our bittersweet challenge in life is that we given the give, and we give so we're really good at it because we don't meet ourselves with that you know, that same attention. And I guess that's what I try to teach you to my own children. So now that Rain is gone, Rain's my youngest daughter. I have one more daughter, Scott's daughter at home.
But I'm like, now I need to be Now, I need to be a mother to myself because exactly, I mean, I've been everybody, so now WHOA what does this look like for me?
It's so true you have to like sit down with yourself and say, I'm going to start parenting myself, taking care of myself with just as much care and love as I would my own children. Yeah, that's it, because there's the thing compared to that, and.
That's what you're talking about. It's like we are we walking the talk. Yeah, you how to do that? I can tell my friend how to do that. Am I really meeting myself with that same love and respect? And for me, that equates to integrity? Like am I living a life of integrity. I'm really being honest with myself. Am I'm really being vulnerable and my really being truthful? Am I really showing up for myself? And it's not easy, you know, especially I don't know how old you are.
I think we're about the same age.
Yeah fifty three here, yeah, same.
So it's like whoa, there's just like all these things coming at us and all these changes. So how to meet ourselves out of minimum ladies with love?
Like just with love right with yeah, tenderness, grace, care for yourself. For me, it was like just stopping and looking back and seeing all that I've done, all the good things that I've done, all the bad things that I've done, and like just really getting super quiet and like letting those just sit with me and appreciating them, you know, well the good in the bad. And then I'm like, wow, you're pretty rad like that, look what you have survived.
You know, that's amazing. We see if women could change their perception just what you said, the good and the bad, and then you have the willingness to sit in that and go God, Like I was actually just about to post something on social media and sometimes are like, oh, my kid's gonna give a shit about this. Is this like to your self like Dadley, But anyway, I'm gonna
post it. I'm really going to post it a good WAT rack because I've never really lifted heavyweights before, so I'm doing squats and yeah, it's kind of sexy whatever, But the caption is like, you're you're somebody's mother, you might as well be a badass, So just show up in it and be a climate and own it. Yeah, all of it, the big, the ugly, the messy, the complicated, it just all of it. Yeah.
When I look at you, I see you definitely owning it, definitely like you're in your space, and it just resonates.
Thank you. I appreciate you seeing that. You never know really what that portrayal is in perception. You know, that's the other loaded side of the world that we come from, right, which is really why I started for Body. It was like nobody wanted to know about and how I raised my kids or my flak. They just wanted to know how I got into sight shape in the summer and how I got red carpet ready. And I'm like, huh, maybe I can started face out and show people exactly
what I'm doing so in a silly way. That's sort of what started it. And then being able to connect with women all over the globe and being able to really show them how to get it done and how to be a time and how to create energy forget about the workout, how do we create energy and body confidence and more clarity and all of the things that I do in the mindful space, even meditation, which I know is so hard for most people. I'm more productive, I'm sure when I'm met a t.
Yes, I know, and then I'm the worst. Like when you don't do it, You're like, ah, I suck at meditating. I like, there's the worst part when you don't like live up to what you hope you or think you can do the changes that you want, But you just have to get back on the horse every.
Day, even if you have to manipulate yourself into doing it. I'll give you a little funny like reality story, so pure vanity here. But you know those red light therapy mass Yeah, seeing me, I'm like, so go dorky on social media posting them, but they really I really like them. I have one that does like red light and blue light and stimulation. It's really right. But anyway, it's a ten minute mass and you know you're never going to
use it. You have so much stuff sent to you, right, you're never gonna get So I keep it at my event on my bedside table. Oh my god, good morning, and I put it on every one day. I wake up ten minutes earlier and then I do my ten minute meditation or my prayer. So I'm getting this done. I'm getting this done, getting but otherwise, no, you're not going to che So that's my double whammy. I get my vanity and my genius.
Okay, you're not going to believe this, but I have ask beside my bed on the table, plugged in, fully charged, ready to go. Never use it.
You have to use it. It's amazing.
This is me, This is this is why I'm talking to you today. I'm gonna put my mask on to God to use it.
That your face is gonna love it. Stimulation, it's great for collagen production, it's great for inflammation. Using it and take those ten minutes, yes, do something like productive.
Yeah, just yeah, Okay, I'm in. I'm in. I've got my first hack, my first tip of the day. I love it. Your social and your content is so packed full of things we can do, little changes we can make in our lives, things that we can do to you know, just further our health or our connection with ourselves, all the things. So if you don't follow Brook, please do because you're gonna love it as much as I do. And you know you said that, you know there's a lot going on. There's all these kids in your house
all the time. And you also have had, you know, like me, failed marriages, divorce. But you're in a great relationship now that's been going for a while, right and you're engaged.
Is that engagements?
Wow, that's a long engagement. Do you are you?
Do you?
How do you feel about getting married again? Is that? Was there reason why it's been such a long engagement or is it just because everybody's busy all the time.
It's in the lamest truth, it's because we're busy. Malabu tragedies. We built a home in Arizona that took up two years of our time. It's kind of like, and this is no excuse, but it's kind of like, when is our turn coming up? And then there's always a monumental thing happening. And then we finally had agreed on a destination like Karen Malibu and then the fires up. It's just one thing after another. And also it's beautiful and fabulous just the way that it is. So there's that.
Then there's that, right and having it not being my first rodeo, you know. So yeah, it's definitely in the future and I should be what people say, put yourself first, and I preach this and I know this. We're going back to walk the talk Brook.
Yeah, yeah, I am. Oh my goodness, it's hard. It's a big undertaking. And you're busy. I see you. You are in the Pent and Teller Show. They look so sweet. By the way, they just got picked up. You are the host. Now you just got picked up for a twelfth season.
Yeah, they're They're amazing. I have had so much fun working with them. So we finished two seasons in Vegas Live show amazing. I mean, they've been together for fifty years. They're incredible, and I'm hoping that we're going to go another season. And there's so many changes happening and type so it's possible that we might not. But those guys, I mean magic. We all need a little bit of that, right, We all need a fantasy and a little feel good
and great family like co viewing show. And I learned so much from those guys, and I love being in front of a live audience. I mean, there just aren't a lot of shows like that anymore. I don't know, it's got talent, like what, there's just not TV's change. If it exchanged in our world.
It is you were on Dancing with the Stars. I was on Dancing with the Stars season three or five. I can never remember Derek, right, Yes, I was Derek's first dance partner and then and then you were his dance partner. And the difference is that you won the ball, the mirrored ball. You got it? Where is it? I don't see it.
It's in my bathroom actually. And it's funny because people want to take a picture with the mirror ball more than they want to take a picture with anything. It's freaking mirror ball triphy. But you know, you know, like that was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. Do you agree? Oh?
Yes, something I don't want to do again.
I mean terrifying, right, Do you ever wish back though and do it again? Like?
Oh yeah?
And the maturity and knowing what you know now because I don't know about you. But I was so terrified and he was a phenomenal teacher. I remember being I couldn't even hear the music. I don't know the steps.
Right.
It was before social media, was it? I mean I didn't know oh right.
There was no going on and saying vote for me, vote for me all the time. Oh my gosh. I do think that the going back and doing it again would be amazing, because yeah, but I don't. I can't move like that anymore, Brooke. I don't think I can do it. I've gotten a couple of operations since then, and I think on my dance in years on television, Body Hard, Body Hard, I cannot Winning must have been exhilarating.
It winning was you know, it's a silly reality competition, right, but it was so much more than for me because yeah, you know, you face your fingers, you can get in your comfort zone. I like to do scary things, not in real time, because I was like, why do I do such scary things? When am I just go get a normal job. But training like an athlete, learning how to think like an athlete. I don't think I've ever spent seven days a week doing anything. It really was
a testament. You realize that you could do anything, anything, anything in the world you want to do. Like I can't sing, and I probably could never sing even if I trained, But you could rebably go to stand up comedy if you had to, or the thing if you trained seven days a week for it.
Yes, yes, if you face that for your head on, yeah, there it's once you complete. I felt the same exact way. There's nothing I cannot do now.
I agree, you push yoursel and got over.
But then you went on to be a host, which was amazing. You're such a good host.
It seems so long ago. Oh gosh, eight seasons and there were two shows a year then. But the show allowed me to bring a different level of compassion and connection to that skill set because I knew what it was like when nobody wanted to talk to me, or they couldn't hear me, or they were so upset, or they are adrenaline was so high. I knew how difficult it was after you've showcased your talent, whether it went
really well or it was horrible. That I know what it's like to want to crawl under the rug or it just allowed me to be a much more colorful and competent host because I knew both sides of it and just so much fun. Yeah. So, such a great show to work on. What a blessing that show was.
Would you do it again? Would you go back? Would you be a host again on the show?
I I mean I never say no, just never closed doors professionally, but I know I was eight seasons and I did everything I needed to do in the ballroom, amazing relationships. I mean, at the time it was one of the most watched shows on television. It would be hard to go back there with the same level of excitement and appreciation. And I don't know, I don't know. I think they're getting ready to do their big anniversary, aren't they. Are you going back? Oh?
I got an email about that. I didn't I purposely did not read it. That's terrible they're doing in an anniversary. Okay, that's what the email said.
I'm not going either, but no, I mean, a redo is hard for me. You know. I guess there's some things that aren't worth a repeat in your life. But I feel like I wrung it out and I did everything I needed to do on that show.
It's kind of like love marriage, you know, like you're in it and it's great and then it's not, and then you ask yourself, do I want to do that again? And then you get in it again? Because love is love and we're all sucker for love. But I think going back and doing something that you already know how it is, how it's going to end up, what's the end? You know, there's something not as challenging about it. So that's maybe what you're not excited about.
Yeah, right, welcome back.
But you talked about it before. It's such a difficult time in our industry and in every industry these days. Talk to me, tell us, how do you choose to get back up after a loss, like even if you can relate it to losing the hosting job or any other like a marriage, or how do you get back up from these big life moments that knock us down.
I mean that was a big life moment, you know, leaving that show, being fired from that show, being let go from that show, my contract not being renewed. However you want to feel better about it. I'm a realist. I'm like, it is what it is. You don't divorce somebody that you're madly in love with. You don't let a host go that you're like madly in love like.
So whenever it was, it ended right, yes, And so it was sort of like going from that high from hosting the number one show on television at the time, you know, hand to hand with Idle. It was sort of like WHOA. But I will say this to you and maybe somebody listening will understand this because I'm a big believer in this and I've had to come full
circle and spend some time in this space. But you have to choose your words so carefully in life, and I really believe that, like choose your words before you spit them out. We manifest so many things, We put energy, we put some conscious energy into so many things. There was a time on that show, after like seven seasons where I was like, question, this is a live show, and I really don't have much freedom and just reason after season and I mean, by the way, amazing gig
live television. It's better than being in a studio like the world that you come from. For fifteen hours a.
Day, we're done, and it's much more exciting.
It's one of the greatest shows to host. In television, and I know that I said to myself inside myself, Oh no, what else I'm gonna do? And you know, I wasn't like I've always been grateful, but I don't think I was showing up in complete gratitude that final season.
And part of me believes that maybe I was meant to move on and do something else, and when it happened, I really wanted to exit that stage literally with grace and appreciation, with great relationships which I had, And it forced me to really look at what now, which I think so many of us explore at different stages in our life, even when there isn't a pivotabal moment. And I do a lot of that work during my retreats
with women, and the common denominator is what now? What nexte for women that are empty nesters, for women that have retired, for women that are redesigning their life, for women that are going through a career change. They're like with the f what now is like is this it?
That's a big void for yeah.
Question a big boy. And I just decided, instead of like looking for that what next, to just kind of look at everything and to really sit in that space of I have so many opportunities and possibilities, and I didn't know what was going to happen next. I didn't know if it was going to do daytime talk. Was I going to New York? What about the kids? Can I stay here? What's the next move? And then our whole industry changed, right, and people like us didn't get
to go to a daytime time show. But I mean for a million reasons, right right, So I just had to take all the good with me, all the skills, all the bittersweet curses that came along with it, because there was a lot of people that didn't even think about reaching out because I just hosted the number one show on television. I wouldn't possibly go do X, Y and Z, which I might have after I gig like that. So for me, it's just a matter of just looking at Okay, I need to explore the space that I'm
sitting in right now and be really open. And I think that pause and then even later the COVID pause really allowed me to build my wellness app and that has been the love of my life right now, as far as work goes, a passion project, an opportunity to do something that really matters with other women to choreograph and to work with other team trainers, and to do things that are really that I really love and I never would have had time to do that. There's no way,
So I don't know. I mean, a change is necessary. So I relate that to love as well, raising a family, divorce. Sometimes change is just necessary, right, and it doesn't look like it even when it really hurts, even when it sucks, right, even when it's really freaking hard and you're like, you want to just curl up in a ball. Yeah, their covers like, but we don't get to do that.
Well maybe for just like a little while while a week, maybe longer.
Get joking, But I think that that's what is really defining sometimes more than a thing that tried to shape you break you, it's the strength that you really have to get through it and get to the other side of it, because the other side of it honestly could be amazing.
Yeah right, I mean they do say it doesn't break you, makes you stronger, So that's a better way to kind of look at things.
I think this whole theory, this new concept that we're introducing, the feminine strength theory. You know, so many people are talking about menopause, right, menopause is having is big, yeah, and I'm on the other side of it. I don't know where you are. But so complicated, so subjective, so individual, so many things that we can actually do about it.
I'm almost like, I'm tired of hearing about menopause perception a little bit and step into this period of strength as women, especially women our age, especially women a decade younger than us, if they can kind of better equipped and prepare themselves and forty fifty sixty plus can be an amazing sensual, provocative, strong, insightful connect like a beautiful time in our life. And the strength theory is just it's about that. It's what are we building in our
life that supports us? Right? And how are we leaving ourselves? Are we speaking to ourselves carrying that's too heavy that we need to let go of. Do we have the strength to pivot, to change, to pause, to rent to you?
We're in charge, Yeah, We're in charge of There's so like you said, there's so many possibilities when even when you just look at your life like that, like all the things that you want to do in your life personally, like all the things you just listed. I could be like, oh my god, that sounds overwhelming. I can't handle all those things, and I would just regress back into that cave, that ball that I've been rolled up into. But it's
the it's taking that first step. It's that choice to say I am going to make a concerted effort to take care of myself in any way.
The women too that are in it, that are kind of drowning in it. Yeah, there's something very real and important about sitting in even that pain. It's like a morning I'm sure you get a lot of enquiries about divorce and how do we do what we do and we happen to be on television. All looks great, But I can promise everybody that's listening there have been peaks and valleys and really hard days and challenges in life.
And there's nothing that anybody could tell me that would surprise me, because I've done so much of this work on my own and with other women. But there's value in allowing yourself to sit in those really hard, painful moments and not feel like you're just supposed to move on to the other side of it, like being It's like it's like a morning it's like a Desicately, there are parts of us, even as women, that need to die, I think, in my opinion, so that there can be a rebirth.
You know, it's like a pruning like you know, you got to cut the roses back in order for them to bloom again.
It's an essence, right, Like, that's exactly what it is. On a much more scientific way. I'll give you an example. Chavas not in yoga. It's the end of a yoga class, right, So we if yoga is in your practice, you spend a whole class for two minutes. I like to make it a lot more than that. But if there's another company, you get two lousy minutes, right, illness, and it's corpse pose. You're lying down in your bat and they call its corpse does And I was always like, why is this
corpse pose? What is this death pose about? At the end of the class, so I did a deep dive. As I'm studying sanscripts, I'm doing a lot of work in my yoga practice. But it's the death of a class and it's the birth of the next moment. And that's really think about that. In life, it's so beautiful, it's Schilasina. It's two minutes, you lie, there's still a corpse post. But it's not about death. It's about the beginning and the awakening of the next moment, the next day, tonight,
like all of these things. And I have tried to apply many of those philosophies, those sanscript principles to life, and it's I learned so much in that practice and those moments of stillness and the things that come up going to end that really the man as a woman.
Yep, it's about facing them. Oh, there's so much I want to talked about. Okay, you're a co parent with two men. I can barely handle it.
With one because Scott's Levi and Lilah. No, no, I'm like in, but now I'm ask me, go ahead, ask me.
How do you do it? How do you are you a co parent with more than one guy?
Like, yeah, yeah.
Each of them is different. Oh, it's just I know you married to an actor. I know we have some similar things, but it's just it's co parentings.
It's a whole episode. If you invite me back, we can totally unpack this. Let me come from a space of not being an expert and for a long time after my divorce. There was a lot of inquiry for me to really speak about that, and I'm like, how could I possibly speak about that when I'm still in it and I certainly haven't figured it out yet. So I'm going to pause on that. For everybody that thinks
I've got it all figured out, I do not. One thing that I made a commitment to in my second divorce was to be an incredible ex wife and to create a space for David to be an incredible ex husband and for us to be great excess because we were really shitty has been in lives and I was like, if we can have a working divorce for our children now first time around? Not so even if I wanted that, it would not matter what I did to try to make that one happen. And it's still toxic to the stick.
So I'm not coming from like Confucius over here, think I'm coming from a few decades of experience. One failed, not so much surrender acceptance there. The second one or deep commitment to have a working divorce that is built on integrity, and that is for our children and because of that, they're better for it. And Scott, so we have six children between us, which is crazy, crazy, four of them in the house right now, and believe it or not, and I'll knock out Wood because I didn't
experience that the second time around. There's harmony. And I have learned that what I want and what my expectations are and my vision of what family looks like has nothing to do with their vision. And the moment that I was able to accept that, there was a lot less disappointment, a lot less friction. And as a younger mom, I always thought, Oh, this is how it's supposed to be, and everybody's going to come home and dinner's going to be ready, and we're all going to sit down. And
it was a continuous disappointment. Somebody was upset, somebody was late, somebody didn't care, somebody to buy their boyfriend my stage the movie and play that I just wrote for the evening. Nobody even got a freaking script. Okay, nobody even knew what was happening in act three but me. And so if that makes sense, No.
Sometimes things you have this thing in your head, but you don't communicate it to someone else in order for it to be a shared idea.
And these are all real people. That are there.
They have their own perspectives, their.
Own problems and perspectives and wishes and desires and challenges. And I think it's the same way I'm not in marriage, Like we have to communicate to I have to give a lot of grace to the people in my family because there's a lot of us. And I'm really lucky right now in this current situation and this rude that we're raising. That there's harmony, but at a minimum, we need each other with space and respect. And I don't
think the younger me was able to do that. I also don't think the younger me was able to carve out time to be able to be like, whoa, I think I'm gonna go out to dinner with my girlfriends tonight. You guys, yeah, I'll see you later and I'll see you in the morning. Like I didn't know as a woman, as a younger woman, how to step back, not bail, but to be able to go. I'm going to go find joy simultaneously over here. I'm not leaving here, but I'm going to do things that are joyful so I
can fill my cup. Right, I know how to do that now, as.
You do right, my joy Oh, that's such a good feeling.
And it's like, you know, just scratching the surface. But co parenting really really hard. I think there has to be boundaries, there has to be a lot of communication, and everybody has to know their role. And I believe that also masculine feminine partnerships marriage. You know, I'm a really strong, independent woman can be misinterpreted sometimes. Yeah, work on that. I have to work to bring my feminine energy to most situations because I can be very I
can drop into my masculine energy super fast. But I have to be roles that are played, and those roles, roles are changeable. That would be who we need to be and show up in that space and get what we need. It's we should do another episode about this.
There's so much to unpack about those roles and about like the freedom to choose what you want your role to be. And yeah, there's a lot. Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm going to do another episode with you in a couple of days and we're going to get into some of your amazing life hacks and all the things that you know and I cannot wait. But before we leave today, I want to ask you the question I always ask everyone before we go Brooke broke, what was your last I choose me moment?
Well, honestly, it was this morning. Because I've made myself a priority at the stage in my life, so I try not to let a day go by where I don't have a moment that's for me. But this morning, and I woke up ten minutes earlier. We giggled about it earlier. I forget about the mask, but I spent those ten minutes to just visualize my day and to really walk through my day. And I ask myself a couple of questions every day, what could make today great?
What are my goals today? And do I promise to myself that I'm going to achieve those goals so that I'm already sort of set up in yeah, in my vision for the day. And if I didn't wake up and steal those ten moments and choose me, because there's a lot of things I could have done. I could have went got up and helped try to get breakfast right, I could have started the coffee a little bit, and
there's a lot of things I could have done. I made myself either for ten minutes to choose me, just ten minutes the day, in the day, just ten minutes in the day that like I'm worthy of so and then I went for a walk this morning too, which was really nice. I don't always I don't always get to do that.
No, these are very easy things that I think a lot of people can say, Hey, I can do that too.
We can take ten minutes and it doesn't have to be a big thing. It's ten minutes that I know are just for me, for me to do whatever I need, and it's the tone for my day. So I do that in the morning.
Good advice. Thank you so much, Brooke, and we will be back with some bonus material, so keep an eye out for it.
Thank you. Jim