You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone, exciting news. Okay, my second annual I Choose Me Live Summit women's empowerment event is coming to Los Angeles on Saturday, April twenty fifth, and I want you to be there. The I Choose Me movement began as three little words on Beverly Hills nine O two one oh in nineteen ninety five, but it has evolved into something so much more than that. A revolution, you guys. It's a message I feel so passionate about. I wrote the book on it.
So please join me for this one day party shining a light on self care and self love. Our panelists are incredible. This year. We have Amanda Klute's, Bethany Joy Lenz, Genie Mai, Gabby Reese, Sarah Shahe my Dear Friend, Gabrielle Carteris, Cameron Matheson, and more surprises. So please come for the powerful conversations, stay for lunch and cocktails. Make a commitment to choose yourself right here in sunny California. It's going
to be amazing. Tickets are on sale now at veeps dot com, that's v e e ps dot com and All of the info will be in our show notes. Thank you so much. Hello everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about the choices we make and how to choose ourselves. This week we reset. Wait didn't we just do that? Yes? Yes, we gotta do it again,
you guys. And again. That's the thing because the world is moving fast, the pressure is constant, and most of us are already feeling behind every morning before even that first cup of coffee. So what do you actually do when you're spinning out? When you ignore your tools, when you hit the wall. I am so lucky to be able to share with you my Bessie adele House, who is a retired psychologist, and we're going to talk honestly about how to reset in real time and some simple
practical ways to choose yourself before everything unravels. So welcome back adele House.
Thank you, good to see you, Good to see you.
I want to really get into the nitty gritty of the reset, resetting ourselves because I know, I, for one, already feel like I'm not going to use the word failure. How do we manage our feelings of not being good enough when it comes to resolution, not being able to have that level of commitment or you know, when you don't meet one of your resolutions, I think it's natural for us to feel the F word.
Okay, well, first, let's start with this idea of not meeting your resolutions, because already we have set ourselves up to not meet our resolutions. Wait why, Okay, So a resolution is a very black and white idea. It's a very closed idea.
I am resolute on changing.
This to this. It's close ended in a way. And I think I heard you. I don't know if it was a podcaster or you did a post on Instagram or something, but you talked about, rather than resolutions, considering the idea of affirmations, and I was so inspired by that. I thought that was so brilliant.
Because it's the same idea.
But an affirmation is an open ended idea. It's an open conversation with yourself. So already you're setting yourself up for success. You're setting yourself up for fluidity, right, and more, you know, your brain will be more what's called neuroplasticity, right, it's like a it's your brain will work with you,
not against you in a closed system. So I think that's the first thing is to really think about and look, I don't want to if resolutions work for people, if that kind of hard and fast, black and white tough love works for people, you know, whatever works. But it's my understanding that I've never really known. I've never really met anyone who's like, resolutions are my jam.
Right. Most people are dread them. Yeah, most people.
Don't do them anymore, or if they do, then they're mad at themselves. There is a study I don't I can't. I'm going to totally screw up the statistics. But I think by by week two after January first, yeah, eighty percent of people or something have already blown their resolutions.
I'm thinking that we need a new paradigm here.
Yeah, that's a good idea. What's our new paradigm?
Well, I think you came up with it.
Affirmations.
Yeah, I mean I think that is so inspired. Right.
We can call them affirmations, we can call them mantras. I like that word a little bit better because that, to me sets me up to know that that's something I need to repeat on the daily as a mantra.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that makes.
My brain going in the right direction.
Right, I just want to.
I looked up affirmation before we jumped on today because I wanted to even see, like, what is the definition of an affirmation? And it is emotional support or encouragement. Okay, I'll take that right to give ourselves that gift or a mantra.
Let's take our affirmation. Let's make it a mantra.
The wantra does imply a kind of daily practice, and that's a lot about what we're talking about now, is like practicing daily these ideas and concepts and ways of moving through the world.
Do you have a did you have a New Year's affirmation or mantra?
Well?
I have two mantras that I've had for probably twenty years or long or maybe longer, that I use on the rag, probably daily.
And that, again, is that kind.
Of daily practice as opposed to like, oh, tomorrow, I'm going to take time for myself and I'm going to do a box breathing. It's more like, you know, how about these two minutes? I just do it because I'm feeling overwhelmed. Right, Remember what am I feeling? What do I need? How do I meet that need? The mantra can be used for that too. I'm happy to share them.
For example, yes please, okay.
So my And it's funny that one of them probably would be yours too, because just you know, knowing you all these years and knowing kind of how you get mired in your self flagellation, I can see how this would work for you too. I came to it probably twenty years ago in therapy with a therapist, and I still use it today, and it is the most grounding and most calming thing I can say to myself, and it works in almost every situation, and mine is I am enough.
Very simple.
It's so simple, very powerful. I can apply.
It in almost any situation. And it is free for anyone for the taking.
Like you know what I mean.
If somebody goes, oh, that's exactly what I need to be saying to myself. Take it, use it, benefit from it, and then I have another one when I have When I'm I'm.
Kind of like a scaredy cat person. I have a lot of fears.
As you know, mountain men. Adele's afraid of quote mountain men.
I am, and I don't even know if I've ever even met one, but I.
Feel like I don't even know what a mountain man is. It isn't like a beast that comes out on a mountain at you or.
Man that I can't talk sense too if he wants to hurt me. Okay, that is so stupid. But so you might imagine my mantra for a lot of things, like the fears that I have as I am safe again, super simple, super straightforward. It also works for if I feel emotionally unsafe, right, like, if I'm in a situation that doesn't feel safe to me, emotionally, I am safe. I am safe, I am safe, And it pulls me down into the ground in a way where I'm like, what it says to me is I've gotten my own back.
If I need to remove myself from this situation, I can do so. Right.
So it's very empowering to.
And I'd love to help you, and also your listeners come up with their own mantras I have.
I have like a little formula.
Oh god, this is good. Tell me what's the formula.
Here's the formula. It's pretty easy.
So if you think about you, your brain, the way you talk to yourself, you Jenny, and the things that get you into trouble, right, the things that make you negative self talk right hard, on yourself, start to feel like the F word, start to feel guilty?
Right?
What is the thing you say to yourself that it's just private to you?
Right?
And you've been saying it for years, maybe even before I knew you, like when you were a kid.
Whatever.
Are there a couple of phrases or sayings that you say to yourself, You're gonna have to be vulnerable and share with us.
You are going to fail at this. You should have no right to venture into this project or this conversation or sit at this table.
Yeah, okay, good. So the story or the narrative.
That's sort of a repetitive.
Kind of story in your life and in your mind is you can't do this, right?
Who do you think you are?
Right? Right?
Okay? So what is the opposite of that we got this right?
So you've actually already created your own mantra? I might, I might look at why you're not saying I got this.
When I say we got this, I'm meaning me, the hole me, the me, the little girl in me that's afraid. And because I do a lot of that sort of inner talk to my younger self, and I find it really helpful because I am a I like to care for people, and so I enjoy caring for myself, my younger self. So when I say we, I mean we as in all the stages in the ages of me.
I love that.
Okay, so you have actually already come up with your own mantra, and you did the formula that I'm pitching to you, So you naturally did this, and so I'm affirming to you that the we got this mantra is right, it's spot on for you. And so I think anyone who's listening would do the same thing, right, they would sort of go, what is the thing I say to myself all the time? That's hard, Like, you know, you don't get to have this relationship, right, this is you're not this person's.
Yeah, that's another one that I've always A narrative I've always had is that I can't have a healthy relationship. Interesting, but I know it's so untrue, right, But yet I'll I'll every time I reach a roadblock or an obstacle within a relationship, I'm so hard on myself that I will go right to that black and white thinking of why why are you even trying? You can't do this?
Right?
So, if if we were actually in therapy. I'd want to spend some time on that, like where that came from, how long you've been saying it to yourself? Who told you that? Or when did you tell yourself that? But because we're doing more of a mantra thing, let's jump right too. What's the opposite of that? And let's get you a second mantra?
Okay, the opposite of that would be I am capable of having healthy relationships, and I'm worthy of healthy relationships.
When you said that, how does it feel when you say that?
It feels true good to that reasonable mind of mine, right, But it does also feel like the opposite of what I've always told myself, So it feels a little uncomfortable.
Right.
So the more you say it right, the more your brain chemistry actually changes and really starts to believe it, not just superficially, but deeper in your brain but also in your heart and in your soul, and it becomes a much faster thing that you say to yourself. In the same way that I think one was quick.
You were quick to say.
It right, so easy to say that one. I think that's the key is practicing it, not just like saying it once and thinking oh, I did the work, Yeah, But practicing it on the daily.
Yeah, in the same way that you practice the negative self talk on the daily, all you're saying is, oh, my gosh. I'm aware now that that's something I've said to myself for ten years, or twenty years or thirty years. I'm aware now that that has harmed me, and that my even feelings about myself and the way I've behaved in the world are a reflection of that thought.
I'm also aware now that if I choose.
To say the much kinder and much more self loving mantra to myself, then I'm going to guess that that's going to snowball into better feelings, better ways of being in a relationship or in the world.
I know I do this, and I'm imagining that there are quite a few people listening that do this, and if not, maybe you could start doing this. I write down the affirmation the mantra on a post it note, and I put it on my mirror and my bathroom so every morning when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm seeing that whether I'm saying it, I'm at least seeing it
with my eyeballs. I'm reading it. It's sinking in and then again at night when you brush your teeth before bed, like that's the moment to just take that pause and repeat that to yourself. I think that's one of the tricks that I've used is post it notes.
Yeah, I love it.
Put it on your wallpaper, on your computer, on your phone, so the minute you pick your phone up, before you start scrolling, you just see I am enough. Oh my god, imagine just seeing it, you know, twenty five times a.
Day, right, I mean, because yeah, we all check our phones too much, too much, too much. Okay. I love what you taught me many many years ago, which when I was spinning out, having you know, a lot of ruminating thoughts that were unhealthy or damaging or self doubting, you taught me to envision the stop sign in my mind. That was, like, I think, the first actual tool I ever put in my tool box of how to take care of myself. And I always attribute that and credit
you for that because I remember the moment. I don't remember much, you guys, but I remember the moment lying on my brown overstuffed couch, shabby sheet couch in my house that was in the Hollywood Hills at the time. And I just I was laying down and talking to you like I was spinning, spinning, spinning. So I called you and you were like, Okay, here's what we're going to do. I want you to envision a stop sign.
And you told me to get really clear about all the shapes of it, every line on it, the shape of the words, just the way they stood out, be very specific about what that and focus on what that stop sign looks like. And voila, all of a sudden, you stopped spending it because now you're focusing on a stop sign, which is telling my brain to stop doing what it was doing.
Yeah, that was a remarkable moment, I think for both of us because we barely knew each other. We're probably six months in of knowing each other. If that was a therapist, then right, But something was there for both of us for you to think to call me. I think you were having a panic attack when I think about it now, And for me to be able to meet you there and give you a tool that you've been able.
To use all these years.
Probably even was helped me on my own trajectory of deciding to become a therapist.
Yes, I love that you were destined to help people. I mean, you do it all day long, every day.
Yeah, and yet I love being of service. And I'm also I don't give too much of myself. Even when I was in private practice, you know, I was able to set my boundaries in terms of hours, how many people I was going to take, and also being able to go home and be home and be with my partner and be with my friends or family or just by myself and not take it with me. And I felt like I was a good enough therapist even if I wasn't worrying about my clients all night long or
or being widely available for them. You know, twenty four to seven, I knew that I was good enough.
You are better than good enough, I'll tell you that, And I think anybody that's listening kind of will share that with me, because you give just really great tactile tips and ways to help ourselves choose ourselves.
And like you said earlier, it's because I do them myself, right. I'm not just sitting here saying like, do this and do that like I've done. I do them myself. I've done them myself. It's how they allowed me to be the best version of myself, and I wish that for you. You're already there and all your listeners. It's it's we are living and breathing and walking examples of people who went through hard times depression, anxiety, loss and continued to
do the work. And all we're doing is paying it forward, right We're sharing it with everybody else we can, because we want people to have these tools.
Yeah, it's important because we need to support one another and learning how to support ourselves. I think, yeah, for sure, with all that's going on in the world, with all the things you see on the news every single day that are hard breaking and very worrisome, how do we get through dealing with all of that and still remain in our lane and choosing ourselves and living our lives and not getting twisted into all this negative stuff that's happening.
I think that is a really hard question because I struggle without myself.
But I appreciate the question too.
I think all the more reason why we need to be as present as we can right now and tuned in as we can right now, because the better we choose ourselves, the better we take care of ourselves, the better we say what am I feeling and what do I need the better we can be for somebody else, And there are a lot of people who need our help right now.
Right, I sort of feel like sometimes when I hear bad things that are happening, I watch it unravel on the news that I'm turning my back on it, almost when I'm choosing to stay present in my own life, and that gives me a sense of sort of feeling guilty.
Maybe, so maybe we go back to that same idea with you of small bites. Right, you can't save the world. I can't save the world, but we can certainly help in small ways, right, we can whatever that means for you, you know, being of service, giving of your time, making a donation, speaking out where we can. If we see something, say something right. If you're out in the world and you see somebody being mistreated, you say something right. So
small bites and they add up. And if everybody's taking small bites to try to help where they can, then you're doing your best.
Which is again what you know all you can do you can do.
Yeah, well, I thank you for all the things you've taught me over the years, and all the things you can share with our listeners. I want us to check back in. I have something else going on in my life that I really feel like I need to talk through with you. We can either do that on the air or not, but.
Anytime, Okay.
I love you, I love you.
Bye.