Hey, there are folks, and welcome to I Do Part two. And if you got lucky in love the first time around, this ain't the show for you. I'm CJ. Holme alongside my partner Amy Robot and Roll. It's difficult. Relationship is difficult enough, but you have to go through all that scrutiny and tabloids and constantly being scrutinized for your relationship. I can't imagine.
What's that?
Like? What like? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I wouldn't But our guest today they've been dealing with it for a while, for years, for decade plus.
Yeah, and they went away for a while, probably to lick their wounds and to just enjoy some peace and quiet. But guess what, somehow, some way, they're back for more, and we need to ask them why, among many other questions we have for our next two guests, but we are very excited to have from the Real Housewives of OC Gretchen Rossi and Slades Smiley Slades and og on the OC and both of them are back for more. So welcome. How y'all doing.
Hi guys, Nice to see you.
Yeah, great to see you. There's a lot there. She packed a lot in the door. I know.
I know. You guys ask the question like what are we thinking?
And we're still asking ourselves what are we thinking?
So what answer have you come up with so far? Why would you put yourself back out there?
There is absolutely no good answer whatsoever. Yeah, NOx, you have to tell us.
How did it come about? Did they approach you? All conversations were happening, you got back in the friend group. How did it come about that you all after eleven years? I think it was being away from the show end up back on it.
You know.
I feel like there's always been rumblings and talks and always kind of like checking in with us and what our interest is. And for a long time it was an absolute no, you know, like no interest. We definitely needed that break. We got scrutinized a lot. But then this round they called and approached us. And when they called, I just said I really I actually said no.
And then he's like, well, let's just think about it.
How about don't say no, just think about it, and then the executives are going to be in town, so just meet with the executives when they're in town.
And I said, I'll think about it.
So then he was texting and saying, you know, they're coming to town, can we schedule it?
So finally I.
Agreed to it, and then I honestly said no three times, like they kept making offers and I said no, no, no, and then finally they ended up making an offer that we couldn't refuse and we felt good about. And yeah, that's why we decided to finally say yes. I mean, that's the honest truth.
But there's more too than that. Obviously, you know, she had an opportunity to go back and do you Ultimate Girl's Trip.
Yes, I did do that, so you know that was fine.
We were back working with them. There's other projects that we had in process with them, and so you know, the original request to come back to Housewives full time is not just that simple, right, because there's other things that are happening, other projects in development. So you know, it wasn't because we just had no desire to be involved with with Housewives, but it was because there were
so many other things going on. So you know, I think over the course of several months and in those negotiations, Gretcha was able to talk through everything. And I said to her when she finally decided to go back that if there was a season to go back, this is probably the right season. She's got long standing relationships with a lot of the women, some of them are newer, but she's become close friends and so there's a lot of authenticity there, just with either whether it be history
or with that new friendship. And so this this was the season. I think it made sense.
Yeah, well, there are also long standing rivalries that are now back in play, and it's we watched for the drama and there's no shortage of that. We've been catching up on this season already. So you made the decision, you said, yes, you're back. Are you glad you made that decision? Now that you're in the think of it and we're starting to watch these episodes start to showcase, well, I don't know. I mean short of drama. I mean there's so much drama, and there's so much surrounding you
and camera so worse. How are you it gets worse? So, I mean, how does that feel to put yourself back in the boxing rings, so to speak, on public display?
You know, I think for me, I've never been afraid to come on the show and share my life and share my truth and share who I am. I think what makes it really difficult is when people are willing to say and do anything and make up lies about you and your life.
And sometimes, you know, that part of.
It is really difficult, and that part of it I absolutely hate. And you know, you know how they say like in lawsuits, anybody can file a lawsuit and say anything they want, you know, and then the world automatically believes it. And so that's the part of this narrative that's very difficult is when especially a you know, nemesis of yours for so many years, has proven to be that person where they love to make up lies and love to make up things about you. It just that
part of it's hard. And I really really enjoyed the season so much. I had such a great relationship with so many of the girls on the show. As a matter of fact, it was the most fun I've had filming that I can remember. Like, I mean, I definitely had some fun times back when I was filming, but this was the first time being back with this group where.
It was a different group. It was a different dynamic.
It wasn't a lot of the same old like we had new you know stuff, going on. Obviously, some of the past is gonna get brought up because tamer and I had a lot of stuff that we had to work through.
But well, you said something to me was very interesting. She's like, I may have disagreements with the other girls, and yes there's conflicts and fights, but I feel like I'm fighting with my sister.
Yeah.
Right, we can agree to disagree and everyone can kind of move on and there's no fracture in really the friendship of the relationship. It's just when people try to go too far. But for the most part, you know, being a witness of her coming back and having experience what she did, I mean, I think for the most part, as you said, you had a really.
Good time you did, there was lots of less Sorry I just heard you say worked through. So you and Tamra work through some things in the season. It sounded like it was positive.
Well, no, what I meant was there was a lot that we needed to work through.
But somebody obviously doesn't want to go back and address a lot of those things in the past because my belief, in my opinion, it reminds people of who she is and the things that she's done. The thing that I find ironic is she's running around telling the press and telling everyone, Oh, Grutchen's stuck in the past, but yet she's literally going to therapy to discuss her past and the things that have caused trauma and pain to her.
So why is it okay she uses for her behavior, right?
But why is it okay that she gets to go and address her past and go talk through that, but I'm not allowed to do that.
It feels very hypocritical to me.
Okay, this doesn't feel to me at least. Guys manufactured. We talk to a lot of reality TV folks over the years and sometimes they'll flat out tell us, yeah, we need a villain they had to have bring back. So it's almost manufactured. And that's part of playing to the camera. YouTube. Sound like this is real? YouTube? Sound like you have some real issues and thinks she has some real issues. Is this really beyond repair?
You know?
Here's the thing for me, I always say it's never beyond repair. But I do think that in life there's a thing called accountability, and I think that in order for things to be repaired, both parties have to be willing to take accountability for the pain and the hurt.
And the struggles that they have caused somebody.
And it's not just so like yeah, yeah, okay, I'm sorry, let's move on because they just want to get done with it. It's like to really feel hurd and to really feel you know, recognized of the pain that you went through.
It takes more than that.
So that's what I was looking for from her, And did I ultimately get that. You're gonna have to tune in and see.
All of the negativity and the comments and some of the things that have been written about you both in the press with this new season. At any point, has it affected your relationship? Has it seeped into your relationship with one another when you're being attacked like that.
I wouldn't say.
Like, the thing that Slad and I always talk about is that there's definitely times where the noise is it's a struggle no matter what, and anyone that says it's not is probably lying to you. It's always going to affect you because you know, nobody wants to hear something negative about your relationship. If anybody knows you two know that, right, It's like it's difficult, especially especially when your heart is with that person and you love that person. Hearing that
negative feedback is very hard. But at the end of the day, the thing about Slayton and I is that we are so we have such a strong foundation and we love each other so much that there's nothing out there that's going to be said that will break us because it's the noise, it's their opinion, it's not what him and I know about each other and what we
love about each other. And so we when we always come back to that foundation and we remember why we love each other, not because of what everyone else is telling us, I feel like that's what's kept us together for sixteen years.
Yeah, And and so you're it's not that we don't have conflict, or it's not that we don't fight, because we do, but that conflict almost always stems from outside source. And it may be the fact that I'm super affected by something that was said about me and I'm angry about it, and she wants me to shut up and reminds me why maybe making that common isn't the best
decision for you. So it really it's conflict in that way where we try to just bring each other back to center and just remind ourselves of the space we're in we know the truth, but that's really what it is, because we do. And I get upset too because I see her being affected by something someone has said, right, and it upsets her and she's sad and she's angry about it, and that makes me mad someone attacking my spouse.
So you know, it's almost always, I can say this, truly, almost always major conflict in our relationship has come from outside sources or outside circumstances, any conflict that we've ever had in our relationship internally. And I give her mad props for this is that we can have an agreement. We can either resolve or agree to disagree. But when it's solved, it's solved. She has never once since sixteen years ago. And you remember that time or you said
that nothing ever comes back from the past. When it is done, it is done. We're smiling and we're going to lunch fifteen minutes later.
You know what was your last fight? You guys, remember what was the last thing you two fight about? Thought about?
Ice cream?
It was ice cream, wasn't it. As you said, I ate the last drumstick.
Yes, I was very upset that he ate the last drug?
Was that?
Like I just one of the whole box.
I want a one drumstick, and I couldn't even get one drumstick.
Our biggest fights have been I spilled orange juice on a new purse. Yep, right brand.
We've done that.
She almost divorced.
Yeah, no, that's silly fights.
Yeah. Is that a good sign every relationship? Everybody in your relationship? I would love to answer that question. Is it a good sign that you fight over petty stuff? Or is it bad sign that you fight over small stuff? Like it doesn't mean you don't have big stuff to fight about.
Well, you know, I mean, listen again, big stuff again. There's there's always.
In life.
There's always big stuff. But I guess to us, like.
Like, it's never been so big that it has caused a wedge in our relationship or a fracture in the relationship. So I guess to us, it doesn't feel like it was that big because it's never.
Really led to something. You know, Yeah, more intense between us.
But let me let me tell you one thing that my my lovely wife did. Two things. The first was she has a degree in psychology. She failed to disclose that when we first started dating. There's non disclosure. She's smarter than me, and she knows what's up. She catches everything. The other thing she forced me to do, and you can relate to this, is that when when men typically get upset about something of this conflict, what do we do? We shut down, we want to marinate, I want to
think about it. Right. She has been adamant in our relationship that she makes me discuss things now and it drives me nuts. What I've learned, this is for your audience. Here's what I learned, and this is the best analogy ever, is that when you get a splinter, it's best to pull out the splinter and you find it wasn't that bad. When you don't pull it out, that splinter gets infected, right, and that infection can get very serious, to the point where you end up in the hospital. And what do
you do. They want to amputate, they want to end the relationship.
Thank you, thank you for saying this, because we have the same issue.
But I just embraced and it has been a thousand times better because at the end of the day, the conflict comes typically from a misunderstanding, and it was never as bad as I thought it was. The problem is that when I go off and marinate. Right, and I start spinning about things that aren't really so many and I may say something I regret.
I'm so guilty.
It's a male characteristic. I'm telling it.
And you get into your head and you create this narrative, and then your enemies and all these things just build up.
You say things you didn't want to say. It's almost like when you've been wronged in some capacity and you want to send that skating email. You want to fire back, and then they go, just sit on it today, just wait a second, think through it then, and like, you know, be more intentful in your response to things. So this guy, he's like, why do we choose these to see?
I'm still back on your splinter, right, I need to go exit. I need to examine the splinter and see how severe it is. And do I need to get tweezers to pull it out? Can I just pull it out with my hand? Is it that bad? How deep?
You know?
I want to look at this for a little while, guys, and not just that's hilarious.
It's always just tweezers, dude, It's just a pair of tweezers.
You don't get it with the Tweezers to begin.
With Slade, I heard you refer to Gretchen as your lovely wife on more.
Than one and today this moment.
Yes, I will say I love the montage that they did. I think it was episode one this season where all the people, all the doubters who thought y'all were just putting on a spectacle and putting on a show and playing to the cameras with your engagement. They all thought you were doomed and full of it. Well, it was like three or four of them all. They just kind of showed the divorces that have all happened from all of those women who were doubting you and doubting the
reality of your relationship. So you haven't officially or technically gotten married, but you've been together and we're watching you too now sixteen years into it. It's very impressive. Why haven't you gotten married?
Gosh, how do we answer that? It's a little complicated?
That?
Well, it is and it isn't. There was definitely the intense We even had a date on calendar originally the engagement, and I think we even announced that date on an episode of Watch What Happens Live. But it turned out that that date, A ended up falling on a holiday that was in conflict with some family members, and I ended up booking a mini series with History Channel, and so I spent almost a month in Durango, Mexico filming
on that project. So we really postponed, and then when we came back, we had conversations around also wanting to start a family and have a baby, and we kind of went, well, do we spend the money on IVF do we spend it on a big wedding? And we went, you know what time is of the essence? You are geriatric? Yeah, I say, called me Jerry to have a baby yet time for her age. So we just thought we'd put the resources into having Skylar Gray and that has been the biggest blessing in our life, right.
Yeah, And it was. And you know, after I had the baby, I had a lot of postpartum depression. I was what, I felt overweight still, And so it wasn't until like just this year that him.
And I started talking about again.
We're like, Okay, I feel like now it would be a good time to like go finally get married.
But here's the thing.
We call each other husband and wife because we have been together for sixteen years.
We have a daughter together.
Everyone views us as if we are married, because we live our lives as if we're married. So for us, it's not We don't even think of it that we're not married.
We are, you know what I mean?
In Texas we would be right technically from a law of state. But yeah, half and half the country I think we are.
Does does Skuyler? Does that ever come up with her? Does she care? One way or another? Think about it? Talk about it, y'all. Mommy and daddy all are married in the house anyway, Yeah.
Does care? Doesn't care. She'd be thrilled to walk down the island, toss some flowers in the flower grass. It's awesome. Yeah.
Is there any part of you that is concerned that if you actually did get married it would somehow change the relationship at this point?
No?
No, yeah, no.
I think the the thing about our relationship is we've really been through so much, and again this is something you can relate to. I think that when people first start to date, it's easy to go to dinner, go to the movies, hang out and have all the fun stuff happen. But it's not until those challenges come along or difficulties, whether it be someone becoming ill, loss of work, financial struggles, whatever, that you start to see the true
characteristics of a person present themselves. Because I think everyone kind of leads their best foot forward. They're not always being super authentic in the beginning with the relationship, right because everyone's protecting themselves. For us, a, we had a ten year history as friends. We knew each other for a very long time. We're at twenty six years now that we've known each other.
Yeah, it's so cute, kidding, Yeah, I mean I literally used to send my girlfriends to stay at her house. We were just we've been really really good friends and when that friendship evolved into a relationship, we were easy. Well it was easy on us, but the external circumstances of loved ones being ill, public scrutiny, all of these things happened so quickly at the beginning of our relationship. And what I admire most about Gretchen is that she
doesn't run from adversity. She runs at it. She's that person that stands by your side no matter what thicker thin like.
She is just there. And when you experience that from your partner in the best of times, and the worst of times, you know that I have mine forever after. And we went through so much and that's why we say, now bring it on. There isn't anything that's going to separate us. There just isn't. We've been through too much together.
Yeah. I love that.
I just you know, yes, And we were nodding our heads and smiling because yeah, we were friends for eight years and talked about relationships with each other and all of that, like without any design for romance in any way. So we get that. But when you know someone like that, you're not putting your best date foot forward, You're not hiding you're crazy because you're just friends and you're not exactly Yeah, you're not trying to somehow get them to
like you or be attracted to you. You're just actually being real. So that's a cool thing. And we've now said building a relationship from friendship is amazing. It's the secret sauce to really actually getting through those tough times.
Yeah, yeah, and it makes the most sense now. And we were giggling. Was it this morning that we had we were playing with Sky upstairs and she just kind of laid down and she goes, you're my best friend it was like, yeah.
It is like they legitimately are best friends. We've been best friends for sixteen years. I have so many people that asked me that. And you know, here's the thing that's so interesting. You talk about that scene, about the Karma thing or whatever, and when I said, you know, Karma's a bitch whatever, I think, what's so interesting about it is there's something to be said that you are together because you want to be together, not because you
have to be together. And I say that because you know, some people that stay in marriages are miserably unhappy and they feel like they have to stay.
Because of the financial situation or this or that or whatever.
So to me, our relationship and being together sixteen years because we choose to be is some times even a lot louder statement than all these people are, like we're married and then they're secretly going but I'm miserable, you know what I mean. So so we're nice to have a very you know, your best friend where you wake up excited and I choose every day to be with this man.
And him with me, and that is a great feeling.
Now what what she did do, which was quite creative, I do believe I had to sign a long term lease.
Yes, I did do that in that lease.
If you don't so if you don't keep up the vehicle, if you don't maintain yourself, she could train me in further model should she choose at the end of that lease.
So that was her way back Housewives Day and I said, I said, I think everybody should be on a lease because then that way people will keep up with like making themselves, dating people, and like really like.
Treating people well.
I think sometimes you get in this marriage and everything just comes complacent.
Because you get lazy. But if you're under a lease.
If you're under a lease and I can trade you, I'm doing it, you might not act up as much.
I have had that advice given to me several times in my life about lease and then you have an option to buy at the end of that least is how they said it to me.
I'm pretty sure I came home and it was like a modified automotive lease that.
Were in there.
She wanted to kick the tires. It was all kinds of stuff.
We want to ask you about a few I guess relationship trends these days and get your thoughts on it. One has to do with something you all already did, the woman proposing, and then a couple of things couples in separate bedrooms, separate bathroom, separate homes. Even let's go to the engagement thing first, okay, right, and we'll do the others, take them one at a time. What do
you all think it worked for you all? But generally speaking, the idea of a woman proposing to a man, is that not for everybody?
Well? This is all you.
Yeah, No, I definitely think it's not for everybody. I think our circumstance was very different. Slade had, you know, wanted to propose, He was planned on proposing several times, and I had my own hang ups and issues from my first marriage, and so I feel like when I finally decided to do it, it was my way of saying to him, has nothing to do with you.
It was me.
I was just in my own head and I wanted just to show him how much I loved him and how much I was willing to take that next step. So our situation is very different than the traditional you know, dating, fall in love, and then typically the man asked the woman, which.
I still think is such a beautiful thing.
But I also think that it also empowers women to let them know that, like, it doesn't always have to be what tradition is. It doesn't it for it to work or for it to be perfect. And the example is how long we've been together, not married. It's like we're legally married, I should say. You know, it's like you don't have to do it the way everybody else is doing it for it to work.
You have to do what's right for you and what's in your heart.
Sure, And Gretchen's a very modern housewife, and I think that for us, the I think was it twice twice or three times that I was preparing proposals and you kind of found out kind of pooh pooed. But for us, Gretchen's no was not necessarily no, it was just not now yeah. And maybe that's the difference. I think some men go to propose, she says no, they feel rejected, relationship falls apart, and I just knew with her it just it was it was not now. Yeah.
You know, that's very cool, that's very cool. What about separate bedrooms or even separate beds? What do you all think about that?
So we're going through a sleep divorce right now.
For a couple of different reasons.
Yes, yes, but this guy decided, well we we shouldn't talk about the bed, but he decided to get a bed that I just don't like and I'm very uncomfortable.
And then he got uncomfortable in it too.
But he snores so bad that finally I kicked him out of the bed and so he has to sleep on the couch. Now, this poor guy, and I feel like you have.
To go get like one of those machines that you put on your face.
Yes, I don't, he helps to.
It's so bad, you guys, like we have tried everything.
I have to kick him on hunt, you know all those means on Instagram where it's like how do you sleep last night?
Honey? And it's like the seal.
Going home, you know, like the whole thing, this torture. So right now we're in a sleep divorce. I sleep on the stairs and he sleeps on the couch.
Fart because I'm getting up early and was wanting to go work out what's going and you don't want to be woke up.
Okay, guys, that cannot be sustainable. How long has it been going on and what is going to be the solution?
Okay, so it's been at least six seven months. I actually get really.
Sad at night, feels like do you miss him?
I miss him?
And we are the type of people where we go to bed like touching something, like our feet are touching, our hands are folding, we're cuddled something, and so like, I absolutely hate it, but I really hate more that right as I start to doze off, like right there, he's just like start snoring. I'm like, I'm going to kill him. I'm literally going to kill him. So I'm like, I just we're just couldn't do it. But so we
have two solutions. We're going to get a new mattress, which is gonna hopefully help, and then I'm going to send them You're going to the sleep place.
Why you want to send me to a sleep institute?
Yeah?
There for a week, that place.
I would love them.
Actually say, it's really bad for your health when you're snoring, because sometimes it cuts off.
Your air bapany, yeah, like oxygen to your brain. This is for your health.
Because I'm blocking listen here, Sally, it's not affecting my brain. I'm fine.
How about separate bathrooms.
I'm not weird about that. I know people are weird about that.
I mean, listen, if I was like, you know, uber uber rich and we can build a house that had two separate toilets or bathrooms or whatever.
Cool, But like, I'm not weird about it.
Yeah, we we pretty much use every bathroom in the house. Right.
And then there are the people who actually live apart and say this makes their marriage last forever. What do you think about that?
I saw a girl on Instagram just talk about her husband like lives next door, and she was like, I love it because I get my my quiet time. I get this, And I'm like, absolutely not. We would never be able to do.
We're very codependent.
Like he goes to the grocery store and I'm texting him I miss him.
I'm like, we've been talking. You look at these again, the same thing.
We feel better, we feel we feel seen now.
Okay, Yeah, we're absolutely codependent as well, and we feel a little bit bad about it. Like this can't be healthy, right, I mean, it just can't be. Like when we deserve a port for like an hour, like I miss you, I miss you, And you know.
What's even what's even better is it gets more like that, Like the.
The more you fall in love the longer you're together.
I mean, if it's if it's the real deal for us, it just has gotten more, Like I fall more in love with him, and I you know, I don't know, it just gets better with time for us.
When did you know you just said it's the when it's the real deal. When did you know like you can hope, you can want it to be. When did you know how many months years into your relationship did you say we ain't ever going to break up?
Four days?
Four days?
Why did you all both know it was four days?
Hey, we'll tell you.
Like we said, we had known each other for ten years. We've been really good friends. His girlfriends were coming to stay at my house. Yeah, I was helping him deal with some of his issues. He was helping me with mine and I after my late fiance passed away, Jeff, he was calling me all the time to check on me and just see how he's doing because his son had suffered from cancer and so he knew kind of just all of those emotions around it, and so he
was checking on me all the time. And about I think it was eight or nine months later, I was going into a business meeting and as I was going into this, it was with some men, and I just felt still very vulnerable, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna call my friend and say, can you be there as a male presence to help me in this meeting in case I can't articulate what I want to do or whatever.
And so he said, of course.
So he drives down to the OC and he comes to this business meeting. He walks in through the door and I was like, huh. I'm like, I don't remember remember beading this cute like it's all about timing in life, right, And he walked through and it's like I saw him through this different lens and I just was like wow, like I just don't ever remember feeling like this googly
about him. And we instantly both had that like it was just there and and I don't know if it's because over these you know, eight months we've been talking and he'd call me and be like, I feel like I have to date five girls to meet the one that I want or get the one that I want all this, and so then we I I know, And so then as we were arrive, so four days later, he had to go to Vegas, to meet his dad, and as we were driving to he asked me to go with him.
And as we're driving.
To Vegas, we talked the entire way out there with no radio on nothing, and then we had the best time in Vegas. And then on the way home, we drove all the way home four hours with no radio, nothing, and both him and I. A month later, when he finally said he loved me, we both said to each other that on that drive home, we both felt.
Like we find to say it, like.
I'm in love with you, I know it, and my soul like and but we both were like.
That is too soon.
She was kind of weird, it's a little too soon.
But we both just knew on that drive that we were going to be together.
And I knew he was going to be the father of my children, like something in my soul just knew it.
It was wild.
You guys, this is really cool. Look, we're gonna have to leave it there. We really hope we get a chance to spend some more time with you all. We were around a lot of couples, and we interview a lot of couples and all this, but we we really believe we don't think you all are faking it, and we're looking at you all and talking to you and even hearing some of the stories are familiar to us, and you all just seem to have a good thing going.
So congratulations on the sixteen years and continuing on and good luck with the show. Thank you, thank you.
We'll look you up the next time we're on the East coast.
Yes for sure.
And we wish you guys luck with everything in your relationship too.
I know you guys have been through a lot.
Yes, my wife and I appreciate that as well. All right, guy, thank you all so much. We want to remind our listeners here if you are navigating a new relationship after loss of divorce and need some advice, you can call us or email us. All the info is in the show.
Yes, follow us on social make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two on iHeart Radio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective, and it's so nice to talk to people who are staying in love.