Hey there, folks, this is I Do Part two. You got in love right the first time around, you need to go ahead and get out of this podcast because it ain't the one for you. This is for folks who didn't get loved right the first time and maybe gave it a second, to third, or even fourth to try. Including mister Gary Turner. Yeah, you know him as the Golden Bachelorette. But he has a new book out and we had a great conversation with him about the new book.
It's called Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss and Reality TV. We're going to pick it up now with part two of our conversation with the Golden Bachelor.
May I ask how long your marriage was to your late wife?
Forty three years?
That's what I thought you said, forty three I wanted to make sure that that is remarkable. Do you think the experience you had? And of course there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, but it sounds like it was a loving marriage. It was a beautiful marriage. How much of that helped you make the decision you needed to make a to divorce Theresa and b to propose to Lanta.
Well, that's a there's a lot to process.
Yes, yes, but I'm just curious the influence and the impact your first marriage had on all of those decisions in the perspective it gave you.
Well, I think forty three years number one proves that I'm trainable more than anything else. But when you you know, you marry your childhood sweetheart and you grow up together and you grow these values and all that, you know what's important. You know what it takes to have a successful marriage. You know that there's going to be tough times. I mean it's just a given. No matter how much effort you put into it and how perfect you think
things are, there's going to be tough times. So yeah, the lessons out of a forty three year marriage are definitely applicable to my situation with Teresa. The things that I found rewarding and fulfilling in that long term marriage weren't there. And recognizing that, you know, I tried to verbalize that, you know, Teresa, we need to develop some shared experiences, We need to develop memories together, things that block, you know, building blocks that we grow with, and those
things just became impossible. I mean, in our duration of marriage, we were together, like I don't know, thirteen days or something like that. You know, I went to Jersey for five days and she came to Indiana for four and then there was a two days after the wedding and that was it. You can't build a relationship that way. It's it's simply not possible.
You write about the fact that when you did come to see Teresa, she made you sleep on the couch.
Yeah, yeah, that's an embarrassing moment for me, and I'm sure sure you know it's probably doesn't make her feel real good either.
But yeah, that's where you were.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm old and I'm mature enough to realize that a honeymoon at the age of seventy something is different than twenty something. But by the same token, you know, I've mentioned the need that I have for intimacy and sharing. That's not just physical intimacy. There are so many levels of that, some of which
I've learned to be better at, even more recently. But when I get there and it's like time to, you know, make the bed and plan our day tomorrow, and she pulls out the sheets and throws them on the sofa and says, you know, I have a long work day tomorrow. I think it'd be better if you slept out here on the sofa. Okay, I would be understood. You're cracking up.
You'd only known each other thirteen days. I mean, I'm trying to find a way to make sense of what she was suggesting. That's what I'm doing.
I think the bigger question is this the first night. Had that been a legitimate thing? Okay, I got a big day tomorrow, I got a lot of important work to I tell you. Okay, that's a that's a concession I make. But when it was the next night, and the next night and the next night, that's what got me.
It's like it was a busy work week for her.
Can I ask you this without seeming to just overt I guess.
But do you do.
You regret marrying Teresa?
I do, and and you know I I regret all the pain and agony to the people that surround me as much as to her and her kids. You know, it was a tumultuous time for everyone involved. And yeah, I should have been smarter and she should have been smarter. But yeah, if I had it to do over, I wouldn't do it, absolutely not.
But if you had done it, differently, she might not be sitting in the room with us right now, right exactly. So it all works out exactly the way of supposed to do, did it not? How has it been on this tour? And again I invited your fiance into the room here. I said, no, I don't sit out here, come hang with us. She said, oh, I just want to stay out of the way. But then we sit here and we're talking about your past relationships. We're talking about what I mean. I know she saw you on
TV and she know how it all went down. But you're in the midst of this media tour with the book to where you are having to repeatedly talk about it. Is it difficult?
Awkward?
How has it been having to have public conversations about your past relationships with your love seeing being very close by.
Yeah, it's a good question. Early on in the relationship, we're probably sixty days into it, maybe a little bit more. I sent Landa the transcript and I said, listen, you need to know what's going to be in this book. You saw what was on the show. I don't want you to be caught off guard with something.
She read it.
I remember a couple of days of silence, look at her face, figure on her and she she came back and she and you know, so, I'm I'm on needles and pins because I knew early on this was the woman for me. And I said, so, what do you think? And in her most diplomatic way, she goes, well, I needed a little time to process some of this stuff.
What do you think? Or did she tell you what the hardest part for her was?
No, but my indicators are the things that she's asked follow up questions about. So yeah, that was that was the That was the spot for me. I go, oh, we need to talk about this a little bit more, or that a little bit more.
Did you have anyone else who was a part of the Golden Bachelor, including Theresa herself? Did you give anyone else any advanced copy or any opportunity to weigh in on what you had written?
No?
I didn't. The only other person that saw the manuscript was my two daughters, and I would ask them, am I too harsh? Here? You know? I do I appear insensitive? I wanted to be honest. I wanted to be forthright, but I didn't want to be cruel. I didn't want to you know, so yeah. They twice. They sent it back. They said, yeah, yeah, you need to tone this down, and you need to tone that down.
And os mid Westerners tend to be were nice, but we tend to be unvarnished in the sense that we don't sugarcoat a lot. Sometimes I have noticed that as part of we're nice, but we're honest to a fault sometimes.
Yeah, that's probably pretty well said.
You know, what were the areas that you wanted your daughters to you know, I check this part. Let me know if I was too harsh. What were some of those sections that you thought were a little much.
Well, all right, I'll answer that in general terms. All right, there were areas where I talked about some of the problems disagreements that I had with Teresa, her perspective on those things and my perspective on those things. And they said, h you've gone over the line here. You need to tone that back. And I trusted my daughters because they had seen every minute of the show and the aftermath
and all of it play out. I mean, they were first person players in it, and so consequently and the two of them with two different perspectives, this is the perfect spot. And they gave me good advice. They gave me good advice.
That's amazing. Daughters will do that. And how old are your girls now? I'm not you can give a decade like decade.
But they're older in forty three, fifty.
Oh wow, that's amazing. That is so hard to believe that you have thought, but that's remarkable. What did they think of your time on the Golden Bachelor? Did they enjoy it? Were they were?
They?
Was it hard for them to deal with watching their dad in that position?
They were over the moon happy about it. They were thrilled. They did repeatedly say Dad, we hated it at every Rose ceremony when you felt the separation coming and the rejection what I thought was rejection of friends. So they were very empathetic about that part. But man, I mean they had a ball with this whole process. They were in it one hundred percent.
Very cool.
All right, So how about wedding plans? Do you all have any? What are what are the next steps?
Yeah, we need to get to that. We haven't gotten there yet. Quite honestly, being engaged is like way fun.
Beyonce is fun, right, Yeah.
I was really thrilled about you know, the proposal and putting it out there that hey, we're officially a couple, but that basking in that has really overridden and some of the practical things of life, you know, traveling and so forth. So we haven't really gotten to the point where we've talked about it yet.
How about this, Why you all could be together, continue to be together the rest of your lives. You know each other eight nine months? Why make the decision to pose? Help people get insight into that you didn't have to do it this fast, You didn't have to do it at all, really and still be committed to each other. Why was it important? And I'm really curious about your answer here, Why did you want to get married again?
So number one, when I was one hundred percent certain that she was the right person, I was at ease at making that decision. So that was the first threshold to get past. Number two. I really wanted to puff my chest out and show the world that I had the best thing I could possibly have. It was a pride thing, not an avarice thing. I was. I am
so proud of her sitting here. She makes me a better person, And that was one of the most difficult things on my checklist when I was looking for a partner making me a better person, and she does.
What are the other things? What was it cooking? What was the thing that came up? There were food issues.
Here, food issues with Theresa.
I'm not comparing your the two, but there were some issues that you spoke of and it it got our attention because it had to do with us. She doesn't eat carbs, right, we're keto by the way.
Well, at least we are together that we can annoy one another.
Strange, we annoy other people with our collective diets.
But it is important that you can have a dinner with somebody, make dinner together and have it work.
Yes, and so a good example is she will knock me over to get to dessert first. Both love dessert. It's like we don't have very many restrictions and that's probably not the most healthy, but it is joyful. Yes, yeah, and you know she yanked sugar out of my hand because the doctor said, you know, that's something I need to cut back on. But we pick and choose what we want to enjoy. Last night we had we split a terra masou rather than each of us having one
or more. So you know, we've really learned to cut back, but the joy of all of life is pretty great.
You right in your book that you felt empty when you were proposing to Teresa. What did you feel like when you were proposing to Lana?
Overjoyed? You know, the the energy in my chest was just about to burst, and it was I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of little side stories with it. Lenna and I have started this alter ego thing where she's Darlene and I'm Randy and we give each other, you know, fuck, I'll say, damn it.
Darlene, Why Darlene and Randy? Who did you come up with that?
You know, there's sort of stereotypical Arkansas names.
So when I proposed, we were in Asheville. I've never told this story, but it's freaking hilarious. It'd be funnier if you were actually there. But it's missing. We pull into the hotel and it's misty, and we get our luggage in. She goes, oh, I forgot my jacket. Will you go out and get my jacket. I go out and get the jacket. I come back in. There's some highway workers walking by the lobby, and I go.
Damn it Darlene, and she goes and don't start with me, Randy, and the guy that was on the highway crew looked and he laughed.
His ass off all the way down the hall. It was hilarious. So this joy, this fun, all this energy goes up to the hotel room and that's where I proposed to her. I mean, it wasn't probably as glamorous as as many proposals could be, but I did a little magic trick, a little sleight of hand and revealed the ring and we had a frigging ball.
We've heard this from so many people who are experts in relationships. If you can have fun with each other, have fun, even at each other's expense, tease joke like that is the sign of actual real compatibility, companionship something that relationships that can last are built on fun.
It is. It absolutely is. One of the characteristics that I think we both enjoy is slightly giving the other person a little grief about something, you know, a little bit making fun of them.
We do.
But yeah, when you can both laugh at it, that's the joy that sounds.
Like friendship to me. And this is something we were friends for eight years before we ever started dating. And we always say you have to have a foundation of friendship. Every issue you ever had with Teresa, if you all had years of friendship already established, she would know you're eating habits, you would know hers, and you're nobody. That would be a compromise, right. It's a different feel and dynamic, and it sounds like eight or nine months. Where are
you all? You and Lanta on friendship right now? How do you where? Would you say that is?
I think we say you're my best buddy, you're my best buddy, and in the mornings we say every day because we have to choose each other every day. So the friendship part, I think has been very natural, coming, very easy. Some of the levels of things that we do, revelations. Oddly, I've never been embarrassed in front of her, and I don't think she's been embarrassed in front of me at anything. And we sort of joke about some of our friends
and their level of things they do. It's it's just fun, but that's what friends do.
Yeah, you know, it's so true.
I love the fact that for every one listening, you know, I think everyone wherever they are in their life, thinks, oh I'm too old. I won't be able to do this again. I won't be able to find that again and to see your joy and to see all the things you have to look forward to at seventy four. It's truly, it's it's inspirational and it's infectious, and it just it's a reminder to people that it's never too late, and you're an example of that, and I just love it's so it is so contagious being in the.
Room with you right now.
Oh, thanks, because it is never too late. You just it's work. You have to put in the effort, you have to do all the things that put you in the right situations to find people and all of that. But it's rewarding. You know. I think we're designed to be a couple, you know, I don't think we're supposed to be by ourselves. So when you find the right person, man, it is so easy though, it is so fun.
Yes, Darlen is a good one.
Darlen is a damn that I loved darling.
Oh, that good old Arlene, I'll tell you, even with all her problems, you know, what do you have? You know what I hate to I'm not gonna end on him on a red flag note, well, let me ask, because it almost it sounds like incense and candles right now to everybody. But I'm sure you've had a moment at least after proposal, getting ready to propose, or maybe somebody was in your ear when you had a beat. So maybe I shouldn't because of blank? Was there ever
a blank? Well, because she lives here, I do this and she likes this, or or our families are that. Was there any little bit of a maybe I.
Shouldn't because blank? What would the reason have been if they're in If there was, I don't remember it gotcha. You know, the the backgrounds that we had of being in the Midwest, and you know she grew up close to where I lived, and the family characteristics that we both share and all those things. I just I really don't remember any of those times when I had to check up and go ooh, Do I need to think about this a little bit more than I am. There wasn't. I haven't had that moment.
It's so interesting. I'm curious.
Do you think that, having had the I don't want to put words in your mouth that it was a bad experience, but it sounds like it wasn't a positive experience your relationship with Teresa. Do you think that that created more of a like you trusted how good it was with Lanna because you had just recognized or experienced how bad it could get or how bad it could be with someone else.
So yeah, I would more say it like this, your radar is way up. You're really you're guarding yourself a little bit. You're going, Okay, the next person that I think is a possibility for a life partner has to be a little bit better than just maybe what my threshold was six months ago. And yeah, so she blew their way, She blew.
The roof off a bit.
Yeah, a couple of people saw it ahead of time. Last thing for me about the book, and certainly the last thing I'm mentioning Teresa. Did she see the book ahead of time? No, talk to her ahead of time?
She sent me a text wanted to know what was in the book that I had written about her, and I kind of dodged that.
Okay, a book written about her, it's not. She's in there a lot, but we couldn't classify this as the book about just that marriage about her.
I mean, you know, the story starts back when you know I was in high school, and it tell us about how I proposed to Tony, you know, my very first wife of forty three years, and about my kids in the life we had together, and and on and on. I mean, it's I don't want to call it a memoir. I don't want to, you know, I'd like to think there's no label for it.
Yeah, what's the biggest takeaway you'd like people to leave with after they read your book? What do you want them to leave with?
There's a story towards the end of the book and I'm not going to talk about it here. I want people to actually read it and see the build up. But I think the lesson to be learned is that no matter what life throws at you, that you can come out on top if you keep positive. If you let yourself get down on a long term basis, yeah, you're going to become a couch potato. You're done. You're not going to have value to bring to a community.
And if you bring that value and you keep yourself positive and alert and alive, and and you're the person that you want to hang out with, you're going to be fine.
I love that you're the person you want to hang out with That's that's something I think we skip over sometimes we don't recognize what I want to be friends with me.
That sounds like something me and my ego sit up and do all the time.
Like.
I'm the coolest and I know.
Gary, Gary Turner, it was so lovely to actually get down personal with you and speak with you and not just have you be the person who's the golden Bachelor, and so much was written, so much was said. We so recognize what that feels like, and so thank you for being willing to set the record straight, tell your side of things, on your terms with your book.
That is that is the way to set the record straight.
Yeah, it is, it is, And we do want everybody to know that the book is out now. You can get it everywhere that books are sold. It is Golden Years what I've learned from Love Loss and reality TV. We want to say thank you, Gary, but also Lana. She does not have a microphone in front of her. However, she has been sitting in this room the entire time and giving us very good feedback. We can tell if we're on the right track with our conversation based on
her expressions. So I took the conversation a different direction when she frowned a little bit, Yeah, she did not at all. I'm teasing, folks.
So thank you Gary, and we wish you the best of luck and so excited I want to hear all about.
The wedding when you do have those details.
Thank you. You guys were a joy to talk to you this morning. This is awesome.
It had everything to do with you. I'm not kidding. We did not get that that world that we were up very late last night. I did not get a lot of sleep. You change the day. I am not kidding. The two of you have changed our day. This is enlightning. So really, thank you both for being here and we will follow you and see you soon.
All right, brother, thank you.
Thanks, all right everyone. Gary's book Golden Years is out now.
And if you are listening and you're thinking, hey, I need some advice when it comes to my love life, well then you can call us or you can email us.
All the info is in the show notes.
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