Hey, I Do Part two.
It's one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Ben Simone, and I'm back with your favorite real life a single gal Helluise, Hey Louise.
Hello Kelly. How are you happy New Year?
Happy to you.
One of the biggest things you listeners ask on the pod is from men's perspectives on things like dating, sex, divorce, and so today we are so excited because we have someone joining us on the pod will be coming to the I Do Part two crew like us. He's been divorced and he's found love in his chapter two from Beverly Hills nine oh two one oh, it's Brian Austin Green.
I mean, on that note, I cannot believe that he is joining us. I mean, I remember being in college in the nineties with our producer Amy, sitting in the den of the Kappa House, all of us jumbled together, stuffing yogurt park down our throats, watching him on the TV show. So oh, very exciting to have him on.
I know me too, I'm super excited.
I mean, he's so cool, he's so attractive, and such a babe. He's such a babe, I mean, the babe of all babes. But also he has a crazy track record of.
Dating hot girl. Really he's got very good taste. Oh my god, very good taste.
But by the way, as you were talking about that intro, are all of us? Does everybody get divorced? I mean, it's like yet another one.
I know, another one. Mike's the dust.
It's ever And then, Kelly, I have to ask you, because the last time we spoke, we're in love. How are they things? Is it still amazing?
No?
We broke up in December, and it makes.
Me really sad because I have to hope for all of us. I'm sorry.
I appreciate that hope for everyone too. I mean, he was he's such a great guy. Just that you know, our lives are just they just don't mix. And I'm on a new show and just you know, it's complicated when you're someone that's in the entertainment industry, it's just complicated.
It's like very difficult.
And also, as we've kind of lived our lives a certain way for so long, it kind of has to perfectly align or close enough where we can mesh it. Otherwise it's just too hard. I run into that a lot too.
I mean, I think that's like one. The one thing that I find.
That's difficult is that like I have, you know, friends like you know, just like you and Amy. Like I have friends from college. I have friends from you know, from modeling. I have friends from work life, I have friends from entertainment. I have just friends from all over the place. And it can be intimidating. It could be intimidating.
I don't see it, like I'm like, hey, guys, how are you?
And then I go home and I eat Chinese food, Like I could I don't even I couldn't even think twice about it. But I think it can be intimidating. And I think that too. It's that, you know, sometimes the entertainment business is the land of smoke and mirrors, and it's also that's also intimidating too. I mean we've seen that a lot, like on Housewives, where people you know appear to be something that they're not, and it's just it's a lot. So you know, I'm I just
I just keep my steady path. I'm like, I know my forever person is there.
You're so authentic. But I think it's even not just entertainment. I think like we both have very big lives. Right, and there's a lot in it and a lot of people in it, and I think, to your point, A, it can be intimidating, but be a lot of these men need this like twenty four to seven kind of coddling, an attention, and I find that that's hard. And when I began to when I begin to feel that kind of pressure or neediness, it makes me go the opposite direction.
It almost has the opposite effect of what they're saying to me, is it gives me kind of that ick, And so I get it. It makes a lot of sense.
I mean, actually, you know, it's interesting because I'm actually the opposite. So with every single man that I've ever dated, I'm very like hand in the hands on a punt intent, very hands on.
No, I'm very like.
In their lives, very you know, I'm very like nurturing, very interested in what they're doing and how they're doing things. So I don't really have that kind of ick with men. I mean, I love, you know, I don't get pick with men.
I don't like when early on they're demanding too much of me. As I'm learning how to add another element to my life that's going to be as important, So it takes me a minute to work.
All that in.
So it's not that I'm not you know, hands on and all of that stuff. It's more about the recalibration takes a second, and I find that the speed at which they operate is sometimes faster than at the pace I'm going.
I mean, that's honest. I actually I'm the opposite.
It's maybe that's why you and I are both single. Maybe there's a happy medium between us. Kelly, Yes, well, but.
You've always given me such good advice, and you know, it's interesting because like, I'm just very I think one of the things that I've just realized from this breakup is that, you know, I have a twin brother, and so I'm so used to being around male energy and so everything that most women don't like, I'm just very, very used to. And so I think for a lot of men, my familiarity makes them a little almost almost like nervous.
I don't know, I really, I really don't know. I don't know. I'm just like open to I'm just really excited.
I'm really I'm so excited about everything that's happening in my life, and I just feel so unbelievably grateful. I just I'm just like, I mean, you know, I wish that he could go through this part of my life with me, Like, I mean, he would be a perfect partner. Unfortunately we're not. But I'm just very excited about filming
and going on the show. And you know, I just sold the apartment that I'm living in, so I'm moving to Florida, literally packing up everything as we speak, and I'm moving to Florida and I'm just going to start completely fresh for the first time.
My dad just moved there and I want to go.
I'm going to be in Palm Beach for two months. Come and visit me.
I'm going to be there for two months filming, and I'm just very excited about it. I just I've never had this freedom in my life before, and I'm just feeling very empowered and also super nervous.
I can see it in your smile. And I'm going to just make two comments right now. Okay, I see you in a while. Haircut ever, Okay that you have this is like this like dirty hot, sexy kitty thing.
It's so hot, and then your.
Arms are like totally ripped. Did you change the workout? I mean it's like, yes.
I've been working out, thank you for very much.
It's like one shild I've been working with this new trainer and yeah, we've been doing a lot.
It's yeah, like what is the change? Because I can, I actually can totally see it.
Really, Yeah, I love you like ripped. Oh great, I love that. Thank you, thank you for that.
Well, at our age, we should only be doing heavyweight chraining.
I've been working out a lot. I've just been trying to do things that, you know, make me better. And today I was at food bank, which I love to do, and I just I'm just really, I'm just I.
Know this sounds really crazy because people are like, shouldn't you be upset?
Like, I mean, I still care a lot about him, but I'm really excited about what my future holds.
Did your and again, you don't have to answer any of these questions because you seemed really I mean last time we did this, you were actually I think, not at your own house. Did did your kids? Did your daughters meet him?
Yes, my daughters met him. I met his kids.
Uh.
It was a lot for me. It was a lot. It was very fast, it was a lot. It was it was a lot. It was a lot of a very short period of time.
And then I had I had a health issue and it was just a lot, and it was the holidays.
It was just like it's just a big explosion.
And I'm just a very like easy you know, just do the work and get everything done and go and have my fun and do whatever I'm doing.
I'm just a very easy going person. But when shit.
Hits the fan and I'm like, okay, where's it, where's my support group?
Right?
Like loving life?
And I was like, right right, sounds like you've had a lot of changes, but you look refreshed and ready to ready to hit the ground running. So I'm happy for you have I am.
I just am.
I don't know.
I just feel really good about where I'm going and I.
Just feel I'm actually, for the first I'm not intimidated to I was. I've been very like nervous to meet, you know, to go and day and meet people because.
I've just been through so much. I've just had so many like it's like whiplashes. I'm well, here goes one, there's another.
It's like, just how long were you in that relationship? Six months?
Six months?
Okay? And have you dated since? Can I not ask that question on.
Yeah, I know, I've gone a couple of days.
Oh, we got a break. Our friend Brian's arrived. Let's oh, let's bring the hot guy.
Get to Brian.
Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian.
Hello, how are you fantastic?
I'm Louise. We've never met before, although I did watch you a lot of times in the story House in the nineties, and you're still a total babe. So meet you.
Nice to meet you. Also now I'm all self conscious and insecure.
Oh again, we're.
First of all, congratulations and welcome to the pod. We're so happy to have you here. You're and super excited to hear your pov on like what it's like in that second chapter.
Oh my god, see you say that now, until all of a sudden, it's people are asking me questions and then you guys are like, why is he on this?
No, we need this information. This is helpful for all of us and the listeners.
All right, Louise and I have a like a serious list of questions, so I know that you're gonna be honest, and I just I'm really interested to hear what you have to say. Okay, we're gonna get dive.
In really deep yeah, let's do it. Let's go.
Are you excited.
I am excited. Yeah, cool, you're gonna love it. I mean I always, honestly, like I am, I'm pretty much an open book, like when people are wondering things, asking my advice for things, like, I'm pretty open and honest about it. So I I'm an actor, there's there's a bit of narcissist. I think in every actor.
We all like to talk.
Yeah, we all love to talk, especially about ourselves and our opinions.
So yeah, well I'm not an actor. I'm a reality star, so I do like to talk.
Well yeah, so then that makes you an actress if you're a reality star, I know how that works.
So so, Brian, you know you're already have found love in chapter two, but in the interim of where you had gotten divorced and kind of started that whole process again. Yeah, kind of What was your takeaway being out there again and you know you obviously found love quickly. Maybe it's easier for a guy, Kelly, I don't know.
It wasn't. It wasn't too quickly. So honestly, I hated being single and being out there. I absolutely hated it. Like I am not I'm not someone that likes to go out and go on dates and get to know people and go through that because I think there's I think there's a lot of pressure that comes with that, and people are sort of on their best behavior, so you don't really get a sense of who you are sitting with. Necessarily, you get the person that they think you want to meet.
They're acting. It's like an audition.
Yeah, And I think I honestly believe that that is what the honeymoon phase is of a relationship. That people kind of jump in and they've got this mask on and they're being who they think the other person wants to be with, and they're trying to sort of check all the boxes. But that can only last for so.
Long, right.
I was on a date last week and I was pretty clear about who I was, and I was like, you know, this is me. I'm fifty three years old, and I'm not going to try to pretend to be something that i'm not. And if I'm sitting here and telling you I'm a gourmet chef, which I'm not, and then all of a sudden, you know, date number four, You're like, come over and let's cook, and all of a sudden, I'm like helpless in the kitchen. Then it
was a misrepresentation number one. It was me not being authentic to myself and maybe that was something that was important to you. So then right out of the gate, it's been, you know, kind of a bait and switch, Right, So I think your point is really important.
Yeah, I think I mean that it only you can only keep up that ruse for so long, and then eventually you are tired, you're stressed, You're having either some financial stuff or some family stuff. Who knows the list of things. But then all of a sudden, the cracks in that mask start showing, and people start arguing about it and feeling like, oh my god, this is not the person that I've known for the past six months of this relationship, or week of this relationship, or a
year and a half. And so, you know, I think that relationships tend to start on they start off on the wrong foot. I was about a year and a half out of my relationship, my marriage that I was in and really honestly working on myself. I gotten to a point in life where I was like, I don't want to repeat the same things that I've done before. I just got out of a fifteen year relationship. I have three kids. This situation is going to be incredibly hard for everyone. I don't want to do this again.
I want to figure out what role I played in things that went wrong.
I love that so few people do that work and take the time to address some of that.
You can't expect that you're going to find somebody and things are going to be different. If you are, you were a part of the relationship. You were an equal part, So you played a part in what ultimately didn't work. And it's not until you recognize at least your half of it that you go Okay. I want to go into this next situation differently.
Let's start with some questions, Brian, because we have so many, and thank you for being so sure, transparent, open.
I told you I'm an oversharer. I've been, I've been. I've been called that before.
Keep over sharing. We love it. Okay.
If a woman has never been married and is over fifty, is that a red flag that men that are dating after? Is that a red flag to men that are dating after after their own divorce?
Like?
Would you ever marry? Would you ever go out with someone?
Yeah, that wouldn't be that wouldn't be a red flag for me. I would look at it as this is somebody either that has been driven in a bunch of other ways in their life and so now they're in a place where they feel like they're ready to settle down and do that, or this person just doesn't believe in it. And you know, marriage is not something that everybody believes in and agrees with like it is there.
There are a lot of old beliefs in it. It's kind of an old system the whole you know, a wife taking the husband's name and then the there are a lot of things that people have an issue with now and I understand that and I don't. I think it depends on whether you are looking to get married or not, and then it's about whether the person that you're dating has the same beliefs as you do or not, and if you can settle with those or if they're just deal breaker things. And it's like, I want to
be married like this is. This has always been a dream for me and for the man, or vice versa, that never was a dream, At which point you have to decide how important is the marriage aspect of it compared to dating this person that I really like.
Or the once held beliefs could have changed and maybe at one point didn't want to get married, and all of a sudden, this is the person, and you're like, oh my god, I want to marry this person.
You never know. I mean, it's you go into I think it's a mistake to go into anything thinking that you know what the final answer is going to be. I'm open to anything. I never say never because you do. And then all of a sudden you're in something. You go, oh my god, this is I never in a million years thought that I would be doing this, yet here I am.
You know what's interesting is when you were talking about the name change, I was supposed to get married to my exidiance in four days before I called off the wedding. So that's why I'm on the pod.
And I remember being I remember, you know, when we were doing the paperwork and we were writing my name but it wasn't my.
Name, it was his name. Yeah, And I just I was like, oh my.
God, I don't think I can do this. I don't know if I can do this. And that was the beginning that like, was the thing that triggered me.
Was that see now I'm going to interview you guys, all right, Yeah, was that do you feel like that was a real issue or was that sort of the straw that broke the camel's back. So it was a relationship that you already had all of these questions about, and then as soon as you saw that, you want.
That's what I'm wondering. If it was literally just lit the match that burned the house down.
This is the thing where as I saw my name changed that way, like, it really solidified that this is not a relationship that I want to be in.
I mean when I saw that, I was just like, I don't know who that person is.
That's not me for you. Were you having questions before them? Though?
Yes, yeah, but that really they like to to Louise's point, with the match and then later on things you know, went downhill.
But that was I mean, if you're if you're looking, if you're already in that mode of questioning and marriage is a big big deal. I mean it was to me. I to me, it was something that you do one time.
And Brian, when you're a kid, you sit there in math class and you write, you know, like Kelly and Brian Green, Kelly greed.
I know all these things.
I never wrote that.
You never wrote that, So marriage has never been a thing for you.
Well, I have been married before, I have two kids, But for him, I just didn't write that.
I mean, there's been other.
Men that I've that I've dated that I was like, that's a cute name, like, but I mean that that those relationships and the last either, but I mean it has it's interesting.
So what would be the reason or some of the kind of I guess feelings that would make you want to pursue somebody more seriously versus more casually or situationship, Like what would be the uh as a man like for you, Brian?
Yeah, So for me, I when I got to the point when I was single and I really felt like, Okay, I'm ready to meet somebody, it was it was very obvious to me when I met people whether we were truly on the same uh the same path and we had the same moral values that we were that we were sort of following in life. And then they're they're the people where you meet and they're a really good time and you go, God, I have a really great
time when I'm around them. But that's no, that's what it is right that it's it's a great time, and like sexually it's super fun and we you know, and and that all clicks. But as far as really being committed to somebody and wanting to be around somebody all the time and share my life with someone, it's got to be someone that is on the same path in life with me at that point. I don't necessarily believe
that people stay on the same path. I feel that people grow apart naturally, and then sometimes people grow in the same direction. And I think that's why these relationships last an incredibly long time. And you go, oh my god, how'd you guys do it? It's like because even though we hated each other at different times, we always loved each other and we were always moving the same direction.
And what about a body count? So are you do you get offended if you hear that a woman has, you know, slept with x amount of men?
Does she really talk about it?
Like?
Who do we ask these questions women?
It's like coat of armor, I ask, just honestly for the simple fact of is someone going to be honest with me and be uncomfortable in front of me? Because I'm willing to be uncomfortable in front of people, Like I'm willing to sort of bleed for people and go, hey, are you going to bleed with me? Because that is telling of what this relationship is. If you're not, again, it's fine, I just need to keep I have to be very clear of what it is I am getting
out of this relationship with someone. The same way with friends, you know, like I'm very clear on who my real close friends are and then who my acquaintances are that are super fun. I just don't mind. Expectations aren't more than that. I don't give as much because I don't expect as much in return. But then the relationships that I have that are really valuable relationships, I give and I give and I give because I know they're going to be the same way.
Yeah, And I think as we get older, we really learn who's going to be in our table of five?
For sure?
What table a five that we're sitting at. And as stuff happens in life, good and bad, you learn a lot about the people that have been in different chapters. And I'm in an interesting time in my life where I'm really learning who my friends are and who I'm aligning with. And it's just it's just interesting to see and watch it. Yeah, it can be painful at times too, a lot of change.
It absolutely can. But that's the pain is that's the growth, I mean, that's you. You don't grow from things that work.
You grow from things don't where you have to have grit.
You go back to the drawing board on things that don't work, and you go, God, why isn't this working? Like, I need to approach this in a different way if it's working. The old saying is if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Don't fix it.
But if you want change, be changed, if you want a different result, do something different. Right.
What about your IX, Brian, what did you have any X?
That's a great question.
Yeah, that is a great question. Lying is a big ick. Man. If I catch you in some way where you're being dishonored, like it's one I have no problem with someone not wanting to share everything. And if you're honest with me and you say I don't really want I don't really want to get into that. Cool if you give me some bullsh like side answer and lie to me about what it is and then I find out later, oh my god, it was a completely different story than what
it is you told me. Then I start questioning, like, Okay, how much have you lied to me about how it's very that's but it's very simple to me. That's honestly one of the one of the main x for me. Like I just I think because I'm honest with people, I uh, it's not that I demand honesty. I feel like I command it, Like I try and keep those relationships clear and clean with people. And I'm open and honest. So if you're not, it really says something about you
because you know I'm being honest. Like you know, I'll get down in the dirt with with stuff and all, you know, I'll talk about I'll talk about sexual counts and all all the stuff, you know, all the stuff that could make somebody look at me and go mmmm, that's a little too much for me, But I'm willing to get into it.
I just just listen to what you were saying, and it's and I and you know, we're asked aking these questions that are just like Okay, you know, do you like this?
Do you don't like this?
But what you're saying is that you know there could be like let's say, girls been with fifty guys, you're saying, you know, as long as you're honest with me and we're having these conversations and we're talking about these things in a way.
I mean, fifty is a lot, but we're doing I don't know what I'm working for.
It depends though, again on Okay, let's say fifty was your number, but you were like, I have always been in a place where I haven't really wanted to be in a relationship. I haven't felt like I've been very career driven. I've been, and so fifty is your count, but it's it's an honest fifty. It's not like you have been through fifty relationships and you're sort of in them and you throw them away and you so you seem very wishy washy, and it's like, oh my god,
do you ever commit to things? If you're if you tell me from the beginning, I've been noncommittal up until all the point where I decided I want to be committal, that's a it's a different it's a different thing, you know. It's like, uh, it's like somebody that has an incredible shoe collection, but they've gone through a ton of shoes to have that collection. And it's I don't. I don't fault somebody for that necessarily that's just me. But I don't. I don't fault somebody, no judgment.
It's part of their life, you know, kind of experiences. But on the uh, you know, kind of a note of I guess relationships not relationship. When a guy says they're not ready for a relationship, what does that really mean?
I could mean all sorts of things.
Like just not with you.
It could be it could mean just like yeah, it could yes. But but again, then we start crossing into that honesty thing, and I think you start seeing flags before that question is asked. I think if you're asking that question to get a gauge on the person you're with, then it's already been a very weird situation. Like I don't think you're asking that question because you're in a great relationship with somebody or it's clear you only fish.
I think if you're feeling like, God, I need some sort of like validation in this.
Do you think you have to have a do you feel like organically it just kind of morphs into oh, it's just me and you and you don't even really have to have the conversation yes, or I agree, like I feel like authentically it's kind of I don't want to see anyone else. We don't even have to have
the conversation. It just it happens. So that question I asked you is almost a version of what you're saying, which is there's some sort of a kind of subliminal message or something, which is you're not all in, one foot in, one foot.
Out, You're not all in, and the person that you're with can feel that, yes, and they feel insecure, which I think then is why they start getting into the questions of, hey, so you know, is this something that you want to continue to pursue, And then it's like, yeah, I'm not really looking for a you know, steady thing, and it's and unfortunately you are digging into something that you already had a gut feeling.
Isn't careful what you ask for, isn't there?
Yeah, and your intuition, you always intuition always knows.
Don't put like, you know, don't put specific rules on something if you're going to end up getting a rule and a feedback that you don't want to hear. Yep, like and you shouldn't have to, like I when I'm in a great relationship like the one I'm in now. We literally it was like, oh, there's no there's no need to discuss this any further, Like we're we love being in this. This is fantastic. Let's see how long this goes and where it goes. And I love sharing this with you.
I love this. This is a really good follow up question.
What's the one thing you see or hear women tolerating today when it comes to dating and do you think that they need to stop accepting?
I think women do.
Tie a lot. Yeah, I think I think women need to stop giving up their power in relationships, like I think sometimes and not just women, honestly people. I think people they're lonely and they and they get to a point where they're willing to settle good.
Enough, they'll take good enough.
Yeah, and you can't. If you want something great, you can't settle. And it's hard because at certain points you get really only and you go, God, I really wish I had this, But I genuinely feel like you have to know that the universe has a different plan for you, so you need to continue to do what it is you're doing, and when it's the right time, it'll fall in your lap. I never in a million years thought that I was going to meet Charna.
How'd you guys meet?
So it was during COVID. We have a business manager in common and she is not a matchmaker at all, And she text me after she left my house. I made coffee and we were hanging out and we were talking about finances and the stuff you talk about with the business manager, and she said to me, she texted me and she was like, Hey, I've got a client that I want you to meet it. I was intrigued right away because that is just again that's not her thing.
But it's also like a validation's tamp of approval from someone that you trust and that you I mean, you trust her with your finances.
Someone I trust with my finances. That's someone I trust in love. She's never ever been a matchmaker, right, But I'd been with her for years. I was with her when I was married and so and she she has handled my ex wife's finances also, so she's been around for a while. I know, I've known her for a while.
And she also knows you and knows you're a good guy and responsible. She also knows Sharna really well, right, that's that's a good that's a good story. I always think divorce attorneys should have a side hustle of being a matchmaker.
It's a really good idea.
Yes, that is a great idea, right, think about it.
Because they know you so well.
And they know the other person so well, and they know who is the I hate to say it, but the more problematic one in the divorce or in the whole process.
She said to each of us, she was like, when I'm with him, I think of you, and when I'm with you, I think of him. And so we just we each reminded her of the other ones. So we met and it was a date, but not really not really a date, but it was coffee and we ended up talking for like six hours at this coffee shop.
It was just as things were starting to open up and I had to be at work, and I was like, I was supposed to be on the road, and I was like, oh my god, I've got I have a zoom call I'm supposed to be on and and she was like, oh my god, was supposed to be somewhere. And so we left and we were like, we should do this again. This is amazing and we we went and had breakfast to two mornings after that, and it was the same thing. We ended up sitting down and
talking for like four and a half five hours. And that was the point where restaurants were they had the heart out rule, remember, because they were so it's limited space. So they were like, okay, we'll give you a half an hour and then we've got to like turn the table over and get other people. No non, we ended up closing that place down also, like we were in until they were they were shutting their doors.
We hopefully your business manager is still your business manager, and that you both gave her a raise because she gave you the greatest gift in life.
We didn't give her a raise, but a bonus.
When you get married.
No, I'm kidding, but we've invited her to baby shower, to everything, like we' she's a she's a part of the family for sure. It's amazing.
So let's talk about sex. So you go out with somebody, it's a great day. There's two scenarios. A she throws the cat out right away. You guys have great sex. Was it too soon or was it okay because you were so into it? Or is it better if there's more of a kind of sapio sexual gradual process where you're getting to know each other, you're it's growing, you haven't yet crossed that line. Where do you sit on that?
Honestly, I've had both. I've had Like my ex wife, we we had sex. I think the first night that we hung out and we ended up we were together for fifteen years. And then Searana and I we didn't even get physical until the fifth time that we hung out, and at that point we literally just kissed and made out in the car and then she went back inside. They both both ways led to amazing things. I I think the sex, I think it's about how the sex came to be. Like I think there's I think there's
different processes in a date. So I think sometimes you can have a date where you really feel connected and you have this amazing conversation, so then the sex is kind of the last thing on your mind, and then you get to the end of the night and you're like, oh my god, like we didn't we barely touched each other. It was such an amazing conversation. And then you have the conversations with people where it's just like, oh my god, I'm completely just sexually attracted to you, and all of
our conversations are honestly leading in that direction. So let's do this and then you have great conversation afterwards. I'm open to.
Both situation by situation.
Basically, I don't think there are rules to it. I think people make a mistake if they try and follow specific rules of like oh, don't call right away, or you know, give it three days, or like. There are all these different variations, and I think, honestly, I think they're all games.
So it's like organically letting.
Yeah, I think you're just sort of in and what happens happens. And I think if you are, if you're honest and you're clear from the get go, I think it sort of unfolds in the way that makes sense. You know, when I was single before Sean and I started dating, there were situations where we had sex early and it was great and it was fun, but we
just didn't have much of a connection beyond that. So we did that a couple times and then it was like, okay, cool, it's it's you know, it was a fun activity, but I was at a point where I was looking for.
It, so as we're all older now, right, and and you know we're saying, okay, let's let all those kind of traditional quote you know, antiquated rules go out the window, right, Like we're all parents, we've had experiences like all these different things. So you go on a date with the girl, how do you feel Here's a couple of questions with
basically the same kind of broad stroke. How do you feel about you know, the next day, the girls texting you, how do you feel like in terms of you not doing kind of the first outreach post date and she's taking the bull by the horns? Is that hot? Is it confident?
Is it I that that literally means nothing to me, because if it did, again, I feel like that is I am in some sort of a game. And there's uh, there's there's thought into things outside of just speaking to and spending time with the person that I met that I really get along with them, I'm looking forward to talking to.
So it shows that they're thinking about you, right.
Why like why waste all of this time on like the rules and yeah, what and who if I I'm fifty two, if I enjoy a conversation with you, let's have another conversation as soon as possible, Like why.
Are we waiting?
What?
Yeah?
What are we? What are we with?
You?
Like kidding ourselves for.
You know, I went out with somebody last week and I was telling this story about this. I put cayenne pepper in my coffee and he was like what I go, yeah, so like.
Wa wait you like willingly you know it?
Yeah?
Coffee? Why? Oh?
My whole coffee creation is like bananas anyway.
So your coffee game is elevated, got it?
Well, I wouldn't say it's elevated.
I would say it's Dianne, which nobody has. I've never heard of that before.
So neither tomorrow.
It's either elevated or you're an alcoholic and there's something else we should be talking about. Because the.
Something and the cinnamon sugar. Anyway, So I took a picture of it, okay, and I sent him the picture of it with the coffee, and he wrote back saying, oh my god, you made my day that you reached out to me. This is making me And it was like so warm and receptive and you know, it just felt it felt good.
That's yeah. I mean, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a real relationship with someone? Where an ease. Feel that and the person that you are dating feels that as well. If you do, if that's what you're looking for, do that. It's it doesn't have to be that complicated.
Do it.
Enjoy speaking to each other, enjoy sharing silly stories and pictures and thinking about you just wanted to let you know, like, you know, be secure in that, and hope that the person that you're interested in is secure in the same way, because you're setting yourself up for the kind of relationship that you want. And if they if they experience that as I don't like that, I feel attacked. I feel like that, you know, that's just way too committal for
me right now. And they've got all these walls up, in these guards up, then you know, and you get the fuck out now, stop wasting time, right like, do it? And if it literally lasts for a day, it's it's one, you know, it's a day out of a lifetime. Move on, go meet some other people, compared to somebody that like kind of leads you on a little bit with it, but it's not really something that they're into. And then it's overwhelming, and then all of a sudden you're going,
oh my God, what have I done. I've been this way since the beginning, but they sort of lied to me and they led me onto they led me to believe that they liked this, but they didn't really like.
I don't have time, right, brat. Let me ask you a question. What do you I love that?
I think that's just really smart too, And it's just like a lot of people and just like, well, you know, they have these expectations of things you're going to change or evolve. I mean, people tell you exactly who they are. They tell you, so.
You're not listening to your problem. What Why do men ghost?
I think I think men ghost because they're not honest about how they feel from the get go. So they feel like I don't want to be confrontational or say no to somebody, so I'm just going to disappear. It's just easier because then.
It's just so rude.
But then, but then I don't have to deal with the repercussions of this person that I let on for this way or that way, you know, and not being honest about it, and like I don't have to answer to anything. I can literally just disappear and she can think whatever she thinks until she forgets about me, who cares?
So now I have another question about the process of breaking up for men. So do you know a lot of men who've been through therapy after divorce or how how do you how do you and your friends like process that that time?
So so, me and my friends, we are very honest with each other. I have a great group of guys around me. We are very complimentary of each other. We support each other, we're we're like constantly giving each other a pat on the back when you're dad, when you're doing those things. Because those are the kind of people that I want around me. I think I think it's very telling the people that are around someone that you meet because their friends are that that gives you a
very clear picture of where they are in life. And when you again, when you meet someone and they show you who they are, believe them and I and you know a lot of times they show you who they are by the people that they're surrounded.
You are who you surround yourself with.
Like, I feel like I'm in a place where I want the people around me that are on the same path as me. They want to they want to they want to take that road less travel, they want to be authentic. They want to live in the moment. They want to be real. They they don't feel insecure about things, and if they do, they share them. You know, I don't want to be with a group of people that are just fun to hang out with. But I don't actually, I don't actually grow with because what's the fucking I
want to grow like. I don't ever want to be in a place where I am just settling for life. I don't and I and I know that as uh as much as I've learned and grown, I I plan on doing that for the rest of my life. And I love any information that I get from somebody that makes me go hmm, holy shit. I didn't I never even thought of that. That's amazing.
I have one last question before I have to wrap up. But have you been on dates where women just have had too much therapy and they're just like with that therapy speak? Have you been on those and what are your thoughts?
Yeah? I think so. My bullsh meter is really sensitive when it comes to people that talk the talk instead of walking the walk. Yeah, I think, you know, I think all of the self help books and the stuff people can stay the right words. I but I can feel when they are actually walking the walk, when they are reading those things and they're going, Okay, got it, I'm going to try that stuff. Walking the walk is
not It's not an easy thing to do. I always tell people, you know, it's so easy for people to preach about meditating and the things it's really hard to do. Monks don't live on a mountain because it's fun. They live on the top of a mountain by themselves because that's what they have to do to stay focused on who they want to be. So I love you know, like you have to. You have to be honest about it.
You know. I'm honest with people about the fact that meditating the like the way you you normally hear about meditating, like sitting in a room quietly and you know, and and doing an um and some sort of thing and and and sitting like that is not I suck at that. That is not something that I do. Meditation for me is working outside on something d I Y like projects.
I when I'm by myself doing these things, I start getting into my head and and and you know, hearing conversations that I had with people and reflecting on what I liked about what I did, and what I didn't like about what I did. Like, I try and be really conscious in moments, and there there are always times where you get the end of the day and you go, God, I did not handle that the way I wanted to. So I try and live as consciously as possible.
I love that with that, Brian.
Thank you so much for you're.
Gonna go, Yeah, you're gonna go, like organize your closet or something like, yeah, hey, whatever, whatever it is that gets you out of like the grind of stuff and activity with other people and gets you into an activity just with yourself where you can sit and really kind of unwind and focus and breathe a little bit. You can do that, man, whatever it is, if it's doing dishes or doing laundry, or cleaning or gardening or washing the car, whatever it is, do it.
Thank you so much, Brian.
We love having.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to pad with you so many more times. I need to hear everything that's in that.
Brain of yours. Thank you so much for the hot takes falling out constantly.
We're so excited for you to be on ITU Part two.
Do you have any questions you want to get on Brian's perspective and when it comes to love.
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