Alone Or On Your Own?

Welcome back to I Do Part two.

It's your celebrity mentor Kelly Ben Simone and you hear us on every episode. We tell you listeners to call us and email us. The podcast is for you. I'm so excited today because it's exactly what we're doing, she wrote to us. She's a real life gal in her I Do Part two chapter and I can't.

Wait to get to know all about her. Welcome Kate to the pod. Hi Kate, how are you?

Bye? Thank you? Thank you so much for having me.

I love this subject so I actually I can't wait to break all this down.

There's so much.

Oh my god.

Well, I'm so excited that you're open to this. So first of all, congratulations being on the podcast. We have a lot to deep dive deep into. So first of all, how long have you been divorced?

I have been divorced three years.

And how long were you guys married?

We were married for seventeen and a half years.

Oh my gosh, Kate, that is crazy. Wait, how are you feeling?

I feel amazing right now.

I feel lighter.

It sounds cliche, but I truly smell the roses now, even this morning out my window. They're the same roses that have been there for sixteen years, and it's really just recently, I'm just I take the little things in now. I'm just so much more grateful, whether you know it's the roses or being with friends. So yeah, I'm feeling great. That's not to say there aren't many highs and lows of this.

Oh my goodness, Oh my godness. Wait, so do you do you have children?

I do. I have one sixteen year old, a boy.

You have a sixteen year old. You look like you are sixteen. Oh my god. So you have a sixteen year old.

And I'm forty nine.

You do not look forty nine. Gorgeous.

So you have a little boy sixteen. So he's in the middle of his own maturation process.

So walk me through now that.

You're single after seventeen years, walk me through, like how you're dating with a younger son.

I wouldn't be dating if he didn't give me the okay. So it was at the a about two year mark, and he had been out of town and I had gone on a lunch date on one day and a dinner date on on the other.

And when he asked me what I had.

Done over the weekend, it happened organically, and I told him I had gone out on two dates and he said, as long as they aren't weird and make me happy, that he doesn't mind. Kind of a typical boy teenager. I don't know what it would be like with a daughter. I think maybe it would be harder. But my son knows about me dating and he yes, he's very supportive.

So a lot of a lot of our listeners ask about how to navigate dating with children.

And I also had I had very.

Young girls when I when I got separated and divorced from my ex husband.

We were married for over ten years, and it.

Was really difficult because on the one hand, I wanted, you know, I always wanted a family for my family, So I was like, oh my gosh, okay, how am I.

Going to what does this look like? What is this you know, going to be like?

And I just I was so nervous to introduce that to anyone for for a very very long time. And you know, even when I would be introducing them, it would be like a big group of people, so they didn't even know like who was who. They're like, oh, yeah, that's so one she works with it. They never really knew, like what was what? So I love that you guys are having this transparent conversation and I love that he's supporting you.

I mean, that's so so sweet. It's so sweet.

Now having said that, he has not well, he has not met anybody I've dated, because I would want to be in love before I introduced him to anybody. So I haven't even come close of wanting to introduce him to anybody, even though I have met some wonderful people.

I love that.

And so just like, I mean, that's just a big statement, like to being in love. I mean, are you are you nervous about doing that at some point?

I'm not nervous because it hasn't even come close to that.

You're like, not even close. I've only been dating a year. And when I say.

That, I mean it's not like I'm going on all these dates all the time. They're just obviously being a mom that that doesn't happen.

They're woven into your free time.

Yes, And so I am not scared or it does not make me nervous because I know the person I introduce him to it will be a long term relationship.

And I and I want to keep my dating separate from him, right.

I appreciate that, and it's I mean, it's also difficult too because he's going, you know, he's in that magituation process and he's like, you know, hormonally, I'm sure, like all over the place and he's looking at girls.

And then he's like, wait, my mom is dating. I'm dating. This is weird.

Wait I'm pros saying this. I'm like, wait, this is weird. But I love how your handle it.

So how have you been dating? Have you been just been meeting people?

Are you telling your friends, hey, I'm single, Like, what's what's what have you been doing?

So the first two dates I went on, I was set up through mutual friends.

Okay, how is that?

And I think it was so important for me to rip the band aid.

It is very It is not for the faint of heart. It is so difficult.

Even the getting ready process, something you do all the time that you think nothing of it, and even when they're not cute you it's just very nerve wracking. It is very nerve wracking.

The going going with a total stranger.

You have to give yourself a bone. I mean it has been two decades. I mean you were dressing for your husband and now you're dressing for a day. It's a totally kind of getting dressed. Okay, wait, tell me, like, so what's your go to off it do you have? Like okay, do you have a go.

To Oh well, it depends.

I live in the suburbs and I do love to go into the city for day and so, and it depends on the time of year and the location and what we're doing.

It look great right now, So this is like, this is like a vibe, This is like a thing.

This is I have my child's sporting event to go to this afternoon, and it is going to be hot, and I'm wearing the school colors.

Okay, well you look great. Green looks really good on you. You know I always when people ask me, like what colors to what to wear? I always say, like, something colorful, because you know, men really love red, they love color. I mean the you know, women are always like I'm wearing black. Women don't necessarily. You know, one of my friends who owned a store, she was like, are you dressing for men? Are you dressing for women? And like, well, when you're on date, you're dressing for men. So men

Thank you.

I'm just curious you're like a blazer girl or are you like shirt?

Yes?

Uh, Cammi, Cammi blazer jeans. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago. I love Stod and in fact, this is Stad and I had a Stad skirt.

With just a tank.

I I like to keep it simple, classic, true, true to my personality and what I what I like to wear, you can't beat. For summer, I loved my white Chris blouse tied a little bit with white jeans. And it was a super casual place, so some sneakers honestly to just make it fun because it was. It was a meet and greet in the like around for four to six hours, so to speak.

So I also don't want to look too dolled up.

Right, But let's let's talk about that because I mean, obviously you're really pretty. And so when you're doing these meet and greek do you prefer like do you prefer dinner? Do you prefer you know, having a cocktail?

Like? What is it? What exactly is a meat and greet? Let me in on this. I need to know this one.

I called a meet and greet because he lived out of town and he was picking up his daughter from college, and so he was in town and he only had a two hour window, which fantastic because we did not do a FaceTime before, which I do like a FaceTime before to.

Cut down on nerves.

Okay, so it was I mean obviously at his picture, but you never know with the picture. So that's why I called it a meet and greek because it was. There was a hard stop, which was amazing because check the box.

I got a date.

In I met somebody new and I was home in my JAMMI and all comfy and watching a show.

You know, it wasn't late because I did. I didn't go out with him again.

It was a My goal is to wait wait before wait, wait before you tell me your goal. I just I'm obsessed with this. So because I love how you are. I love that you're like, Okay, I'm dating, this is me dating. This is I'm going to dress the part. I'm going to be one hundred percent there for it with my meet and greet, and then I have a hard stop because I need to go home to my jammys and to my favorite show.

He gave me this out of having the hard stop.

Oh he did what he's saying.

He was in town before we set up the date. He was in town to pick up his daughter from college, so he had to pick her up at a certain time at college. So we even take out for her because she was going to be hungry, and I'm like, oh, she would like this, she would like that. It's like, so I didn't have to have that anxietiety of wanting to high tail it and get out of there, because it was a lovely.

I have the mentality on I think people.

I mean, they're great people, And am I like super attracted to them or am I feeling sparks? No, But I think to sit down to a nice meal and get to know somebody that I find interesting, I enjoy, I enjoy the time. I just don't want to necessarily go again or you know, continue continue, you know, to explore it further, so to speak.

So having said that, what do you think has changed with the dating scene, Because obviously it's been two decades since you've been on these dates, and all of a sudden you're like doing these meet and greets and face times.

So what do you think has changed?

We are all checking boxes right, No, when I was young, it is so boy me girl, girl thinks boy is super hot, and the boys into the girl. And you've met because you've gone to the same college and your sorority you know does things with his fraternity, or you've met during young adulting and you meet you know, you meet, oh, you meet at work, and it's based.

On like Jess, chemical attraction.

Connecting. You're not.

Mentally going through your checkboxes because this part too so to speak of, which I am super excited for.

But at the same time, if it doesn't happen, I am.

I really am at peace for that because I don't know if it will. Well.

Also, that's good though you have to stay I mean, I think that one of the most important parts of this I do era is that you're staying calm and that you're celebrating yourself and all of these new possibilities and opportunities. I mean, you never know, Like I mean, I think that's one thing for me because I called off my wedding last year, four days before I supposed to get married, and so you know, for me, I'm not thank you.

I mean, it still feels like that could feel like a divorce.

Like yeah, it just was like very It just made me feel very really really like very insecure. But I think one of the things that I've learned through this whole process is that I'm just more relaxed with who I am and like I want I obviously want men to you know, be.

Attracted me in all these things, but I also want to just feel good myself.

I'm just very I'm like very happy with that. Okay, what kind of guys do you like?

Let's get into it.

Come on, cake, give me the teeth, come on, Okay, what kind of guys do you like?

So younger older?

Brunet Speaking of older, I mentioned that I'm forty nine.

Well, I mean, you're not old, no one, you're forty nine, But I don't like the whole older.

I mean, have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're gorgeous, Like, okay, ages, it's a number. I know, you're gorgeous. You could date anyone.

The only people that I have been out with are fifty eight, fifty fifty nine.

And there was one guy that on his.

Profile said he was fifty four. To his credit, he looked dang good for sixty. And when I asked him on his date, you know, I weave it in like.

Oh, when's your birthday?

Oh wow?

And then I say, oh, I just turned forty nine, Like how old are you?

He absolutely wouldn't answer it.

Well, it's called Google, Like, I just I'm positive he was sixty.

So okay, but hold on, So how do you care if he's not his age?

You?

I mean, I don't, you know, I don't.

I really don't.

I just feel I'm not saying that it couldn't work.

Do you think these guys are like nervous about their age? I mean, do you think the tables have turned are like we like, are we now? The ones that are like, oh my god, why are you lying at your age?

Because women were like the men are like, they're lying about their age. It's like, and so are you?

Yeah. This it hasn't happened once.

It's happened a couple times, and at least one guy he totally owned up.

What app?

Was it one of the apps? I think if you I don't know what it is? He said it was the AP's phalt. Okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. It was the apsphalt, but I think ten years older than I am, I would prefer like I would.

Prefer fifty two, fifty three, fifty.

Four, fifty five, but I don't know sixty for me at forty nine, I'm not saying never.

But you know, it's just interesting that it has all been that age group.

And then I think a lot about Okay, well, as the years go on, does that mean then my dating pool is going to be Like if I'm in my mid fifties, is it then going to be the sixties?

And that's kind of overwhelming and scary to think about.

Okay, but let's so, now that we've talked about the guys that are around your age, what about the guys.

That are younger?

Never tried it?

You never know?

Right on the apps, some of the.

Some of the younger so forty forty four, some of them they haven't had kids yet and they want kids, and that for me is right sales.

Yeah, Okay, what about then if that's the case, Well, what about guys that just don't want kids?

What about if they're like younger than what about their late thirties. There's a lot of way when to stay younger.

I don't if they haven't had kids.

You a lot of energy to your fun. You're like vivacious.

I am, yes, so you need someone that.

Has good energy, positive but.

I am looking for somebody that's family oriented. Of course, the normal characteristics that we want in all the humans that we surround ourselves with, kind, loving, consistent values, values.

Me and lets me be myself.

One of the people I dated and he was fantastic, there just wasn't the physical connection for me. I love how I was completely unfiltered. I just he let me be me and he made me feel like a million bucks.

But that sounds amazing. I love that. I know, like a million bucks. I know you should feel like that.

I know. But for the long term, it just there wasn't the chemistry even though he So that's a great question. Even though he made me feel this way, there just wasn't the chemistry where I can show you a picture from an event we went to.

But anyway, yeah, so what about have you been only been dating divorce men or single dads or what's been like.

Your So I actually have been out on two dates with two separate widowska rest have been divorce single dads, and I do really connect with.

The single dads because I love kids.

I love well, particularly because it's the stage of life I'm in. I love hearing all about the teens, all about the young I call it the adulting stage, which is like the second four years, you know, post college. These kids who are living in New York, like living their best life.

I'm I'm all about that.

So I definitely connect with men on on that level.

What was it like to date a widower? What was that like?

They were both lovely? The first widower was only my second date? Whoa he was only my second date.

Did you know that from the start that he was a widower or you found that out?

Yes, it was a setup and it just felt like yet he was.

A type of guy I definitely, you know, should like like just a good a good family man, a good person.

He actually lived.

About twenty five minutes away, so I had I had, I had background, which is nice versus when you're when you're on on the apps, and so it was a it was a great It was a great date.

The end of the date, did I.

Oh so on the way home when they put mints in their mouth? Because I was such a newbie on this, but I kind of thought it what.

God, why is he in his mouth? And why is he offering me a mint? Even though I enjoyed myself, I have.

No desire, you know, to kiss him, and so I just give kind of the halfway hug, you know, goodbye, and and he asked if I would want to do something again, and because I'm being open minded, you know, I say sure.

And then he.

Reaches back out just to like ask a question, and I answer the question. And then I went through the phase of wait, why isn't he texted in a couple of days? But what is going on? I wasn't that into him, So it was a little bit of a wake up call, I have to say.

And then he continued texting, Wait.

So hold on, So he didn't text you for a couple of days, and then he started up again.

Correct, correct, And he asked a question. And I'm a detailed person and I kind of didn't know the whole I'm not calling it a game, but there is. When you're used to being with somebody for so long, your text can be long. And it's just one thing that I taught myself that in the beginning, like keep.

It short, keep it short.

And he asked me like what I was doing or something like that, and I went pretty detailed and I never heard from him again. To be honest, now I did find out he had been seeing somebody before he took me out, I think is the story.

Okay, so you were basically goes to by a widower, But what shouldn't he.

Be like I was, Annie has a dad, Bob.

Hold on, but don't you think don't you think I should be like, oh, feel okay to be like you know their girlfriends say to them if you're going to go on a date, just people like and just say thank you so much, like you know, you know, I'm just dating right now.

I love seeing you. I mean, I just think it's so I think it's.

Just I don't know, it hurts my like hurts my feelings if someone regard, even in work or anything, if someone doesn't respond.

So I'm always like, thank you so much, like it was really nice seeing you. Even if I'm interested.

Or not interested in anything, I'm always I always respond. And I feel like at our age, like we're of the generation where we do like do that and but wow, I.

Can't agree with you more.

I never got and it is uncomfortable and you do feel bad, but it's much better to just say, hey, I had a really good time.

By the way, Like, you never know who you're going to meet from somebody, So if I don't necessarily you know what I was when I when I'm dating, I'm like, I don't know who I'm going to meet.

And that's part of it too.

Just because you're going in a date doesn't mean you're like locked in for life. Let's talk about quicker or slower in terms of the physical aspect. Do you think these guys are taking these you know, popping them int, going for the kiss and then pull them in tight and trying to like have a deeper connection.

I'm very good with my boundaries, very good with my boundaries.

Do I feel like they would probably?

Yes, would they want to take it further right off the bat, one hundred and ten percent.

I just.

Can I interview you every day because you're amazing.

And that's why.

That's why after a couple of dates, it's not necessarily that they're putting the pressure the pressure, but.

I don't.

I don't want them to continue taking me out if I am just enjoying the company and I think they're a really great person because ultimately, you know, it should lead to a physical, you know, connection, And if I'm not going, if I don't see myself going down that path, then we shouldn't continue on the dates.

And another thing I learned is.

Sometimes when I see if I can't picture myself ever staying the night in their space, if I feel like I wouldn't, it's happened well a couple of times. If I can't say, see myself feeling comfortable staying the night, then I shouldn't continue.

Well, you also have like a really nice aesthetic.

I mean, your vibe is so great, and so I think that's probably part, Like you're clearly visual. But I think it interesting because I have I've got I mean I've gone on dates and like some guys I'll kiss and some guys I won't. And like I one guy be like, oh, yeah, we were like we went on in a couple of days after I was like, oh yeah, you know first day, Yeah, she wouldn't kiss me. And I'm like, why is this common knowledge? Why is everyone to know this? And it's just it's just something that

It's happened.

Like when they take out the gum, the gum or the mints and then offer you.

I'm like, oh gosh.

First of all, mint makes me sneeze, so that would be awful. I'd be like you, you be like Kelly, you're sneezing. What's going on over there? Like your friends are they setting you up?

Or so?

The last time I was set up, I kind of kicked off my dating with two setups, and ever since then, nobody I haven't been set up. I live in a small community where really nobody is divorced, and that is not an overstatement. My best friends, my whole friend group, which I call my angel team, are all married and being with them is my happy place.

And I'm super lucky.

That I am still you know, included, even though I don't have a significant other. One thing that I've liked about dating is it's made me not feel alone by being divorced.

Since there aren't divorced people in my community.

Yeah, I've learned there there are great people out there that are divorced.

There are there are, let's talk there are. First of all, there are a lot of great people out there.

Just because you went through you know, you had a marriage and you are divorced, doesn't mean that you're like, you know, there's a new opportunity for you. And I love the way you're handling I really like, I'm like, you're very cool.

I am not as cool as you, not at all. I'm like, oh my god, just.

Looking at you, I totally disagree.

I am so not cool.

I'm like, oh, persons there there are my feelings or they're like I'm like, oh my god, that person just thinks I'm a show pony and they don't want to get to know me or whatever. You know, all these stupid insecurities that I that I have. Let's go through your dating profile says the worst.

I mean, like, hats offt you know, thank you.

I appreciate that you are too. Let's go into your dating profile because I need to hear. Okay, let's talk about the photos. You can just describe like, like your photos.

So nothing professional. Just that was on the way Christmas Eve. Do you want me to read my prompt or do.

You want yes, I want to hear yeah, Or do you want to see.

No, No, I could barely see, but just that your puppy. Or yeah, oh.

That's I'm a baker and the last one I did to show up?

Oh I love Yes, I loved to bake.

Oh my god, and you're and you're a baker, Oh my god.

That's I can make food for my children, but I don't make food for other people.

It is my way of showing love to friends and family.

Okay, okay, first of all, I love that. What's the app Which one is it?

This one's hinge, but I'm I'm on Hinge and the league.

I wish you could see my pictures.

I would love to see that. Wait we read me?

Yes, So I have been told. I have been told on dates that I match my profile perfectly.

I have been I have been told that.

That's so good.

So it says, uh, the prompt is my greatest strength. It says I'm sweet, grounded, nurturing, fit and fun, full of life and excited for the next chapter.

I love showing up for the people.

I care for sharing, laughter and building meaningful connect actions. And then the second prompts is my simple pleasures. It's a little repetitive because I say spending time with the people I love, sharing connection, laughter and memories, and even finding humor in life's challenges. I'm drawn to beautiful surroundings and thoughtful details. And then I name a couple of my favorite favorite places.

And then the next.

Picture is me at one of my favorite places, and that's the full body shot.

Where is it? Where is your favorite place?

Uh No, it's ConA on Hawaii.

Oh my god, Hawaii, Oh my god.

I love that, And it says what if I told you that?

And I respond with my life feels feels full in all the best ways, but I can't wait to share experiences with someone special alongside my wonderful family and friends, which is speaks to I hope that I could meet somebody that I fit into their life and they fit into my life, which is circles back to when I was saying, you asked me what's different now between dating so long ago.

And when you're young. You're not thinking about, oh can I fit into his life? And will he fit into my life? I don't know about you. I never thought of that when I was in my twenties.

Now, I was just like, who is this person?

And then another thing that I love to think about is when you're young, it is all about the wedding and the baby, the baby or baby or babies, and I never thought about what life is going to be like as an empty nester. And obviously I never thought about I'm going to be building a relationship and it's not about.

Making a family.

And I just think that's very interesting to think about because the relationship isn't necessarily going to be around, you know, all the schedules and all the stuff that comes comes with kids.

That is so interesting because when I when I was younger, I was a model and I married someone that was a lot older than I was, and we didn't have a traditional wedding. I didn't even go on a honeymoon. There was no like I just was pregnant one day. There was no planning, there was no like. All those things that you're talking about, I just never experienced. And I think that's one reason why I'm opposite, like I am looking for a family.

For my family, I'm looking for the whole.

That's what I'm like, I'm always like, oh, this is going to be great because I want that family. I just always wanted and I've just you know, raised my kids on my own for so long. I've been single for so long for the right reasons, not for the wrong reasons. And so it's like it's so different, we're so different, But okay, what are your We're so different, but we're very similar in a lot of ways. What are your deal breakers and your non negotiables?

Deal breakers and non negotiables would be if you're an alcoholic, that's that's a that's a deal breaker, right, that's no smoking is it is a deal breaker. I mean that's just something like on the app that you can kind.

Of filter filter through.

Yeah, I know myself and I know so many other women out there. We do put a lot of effort into how we look and how we present ourselves.

And so if if I were to show up.

On a day and you know, he's not presenting.

Well, it's you know, it could be a deal breaker. I'm just saying, if you.

Know, right you are on department the same effort that you're putting forth.

I it doesn't have to be the same. I mean, I might put in a little too much.

What about like religion, politics.

I'm very open minded on religion and politics.

Those aren't deal breakers for me.

What if he has younger kids, like younger, younger like seven six?

Yes, I don't see it.

I don't see it, but I would definitely be open minded.

To a meet and greet.

With a hard stop and then some fuzzy slippers and then a really great TV show.

Why to get married again?

I think if I'm in a long term if I'm in a long term relationship, I think it would bug me for years and years to have the title of girlfriend.

So I do see myself as a wife again. Someday.

I would love to have that role. I'm not afraid of it. Right, but again, it feels very far away, right. Quick question for you. So you mentioned you are looking to create a new family.

Correct. Yes, so I would say it.

It doesn't feel like it feels like a dream that I could find this. But my dream would be to find somebody that adds to my son's life as well.

Oh one, But I mean like a person that's like like, for lack of a better word, like a community builder. Like I mean, I dated this one guy that was just like it was only me.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, I have two daughters, Like it's not just me, it's all of us. Uh.

And that just I mean I quickly because I just was like, I can't do that. But then again, I dated someone that was about my same age and he had a daughter and he just was so disconnected from his daughter.

I mean, his daughter had.

Like she was this beautiful little nineteen year old and she had like mismatched.

Socks, and I'm like, what is going on? Like that kind of stuff does not work for me.

So I couldn't. I couldn't connect with anybody like that.

Any of the dates I've gone on, I've been so impressed with the type of dads they are, and some of them went on multiple dates.

Okay, what if they say bad things about their ex wife? Does that bother you?

Yes?

Yes, thank you?

Yes, yes I hate that. Yeah.

It's like that's like that to me as a dale breaker, when you talk badly about your ex, because what are you going to say about me?

It's like a friend, do you know what I mean? When they say something mean about something, You're like, m.

I just don't think you need to go there, right.

It didn't work out. You know, we uncoupled. I love the I love the Gwyneth Palott we uncoupled.

It's very by. I mean just I just love that you make cookies. I have to tell your cookies. So I'm like, all I'm thinking about is talking to the cookies. I'm like, oh my god, So you've made dating for a year. What's the biggest thing you've learned about yourself?

The best version of myself is my true, genuine self I am. I really am in my skin, and I think I was self conscious going into the dating world being a stay at home mom, and I am proud of that. I own it. It's so much a part of who I am. Not to say that I won't have a part two once my son goes to college and I could discover new things. And I don't know what that part too is, because I'm still focused.

You know, on the part where he you know, he is still living at home.

It's really important to just like we were talking about before, like just about you know, feeling good and you know it doesn't matter how long it takes, and you know what you have to remember, you know, people people when people talk about unraveling a relationship. They're not talking about

Box. It's just it's not easy.

And you know, people were like, I just want to be great and fun and sexy.

Well it's like, you know, people, there's it's like damage control. Now.

It's like you got to like, you know, do the things that you really really love and focus on your son.

And I mean, I'm excited for you.

I'm really excited You're going to be great.

One thing that my mom pointed out is dating hat. Everybody that I have gone out with has has boosted my confidence. So what it has it has been. It has been healthy.

I love that.

I can't so now for anyone listening right now who's scared to start dating again, like what advice would you give them?

You kind of need practice and that it's okay to go out with that person that isn't going to be the man.

Of your dreams. Just start getting comfortable with.

Be sharing a meal with with somebody and having conversation and learning to talk about yourself and to ask questions without it being an interview.

And that's one I'm saying.

That I caught on Real Fast. I don't like it when I'm being interviewed by by the date.

I have another question for you.

I have all these questions for you, like Kate's brand brand, I know you'd be great like rapid Fire.

Have you ever asked a guy out in real life?

No, because I am traditional in my relationships and I do have in my head you know that if if he wanted to, he would not.

Not that I've because I'm that would apply more.

I feel like if I was out and about in the city and maybe I worked, and you know, there was somebody that I was eyeing, and I wouldn't I wouldn't ask him out. I would I would wait. So No, I've never asked. I've never asked. I've never asked anybody out.

So do you need a new dating challenge? Sure?

What do you have?

You never know? You are on id perto we we uh, you know we're open to all sorts of fun games.

So my really good friend Luanne, because I was on Housewives, I don't know if you know that.

But I was on Housewives and my friend Luanne I had her on and I asked her what I should do.

So she said, write a note on a piece on a napkin and send it to a guy when you're at a bar, because you never asked him went out, So maybe you don't have to you don't have to verbally ask, but maybe like give all your number to somebody.

No, that's not going to happen in this way.

Just in case you're wondering, that's what I said.

I was like.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, how about like just something casual like drink, question work. No, that's not that's that's a word.

That's even more anxiety written.

But you have to do something fun because actually, listen, when I did it, I was with two of my really good friends and I'm like, you know what, I'm just going to try this.

There was a guy at the end of the bar. I asked for a drink. He came over.

He happened to be a love hotel with Luan, which was very awkward, but I thought it was very very funny and I and I and I was like, I was very proud of myself.

I was like, huh, look at me asking people out, and.

I think I'm feeling plush just thinking about it. First of all, when.

Even it's you have to you have to know that they're single, which would be I mean, yeah, I'm not up for that challenge.

What about giving someone a compliment like I really like your shoes.

Possibly, I'm just trying to think.

I don't think I'm in environments much because the places that I frequent single.

People really aren't there. So here, so my only.

Access to meeting people really is the apps. I mean, I've been on vacation and I always keep my eye open. But unfortunately, Okay, I just thought of it, Kelly, Okay, great, what is it? So we were we were in Pebble Beach and there was dad having dinner with his son, and the sun was darling, and the dad looked cute, and I looked for a ring and there wasn't a ring. And if there was ever a circumstance to do what

On some they could have a girlfriend.

So no, not doing your challenges because I'm stepping on somebody's toes.

I feel like I have to walk with you in the supermarket. I feel like we had to be like, so are you a white flower? Or this is my weird friend Kelly.

I don't think I'm I'm I'm not going to ever. I don't hit I just I like the compliments.

I'm like, I'm a big compliment person, but not not in a disingenuous way. But I do look for things to say nice things to people.

I do.

I always do that.

But so I compliment is kind of a nice icebreaker because guys don't really get compliments. They give compliments, but they don't really get them. So maybe like some kind of compliment I agree with you, I really think. By the way, one of my closest friends, he's like, he lives in Miami, and he was like, everybody goes to the supermarket on Sunday nights to meet people. I'm like what He's like, Yeah, I'm.

Like which one He's like, obviously Whole Foods.

I'm like, oh, okay, So maybe change up the routine of your shopping hours. Maybe like tell your son to be like, I'll wear it bag. Mommy has to go buy some chocolate chips at seven pm. He's like, Mom, you've got a storage unit full of them.

Well, I need some more.

I do switch up my routine. And remember I do live in the burbs. We're not talking there. There's a ton of you know, single people. And I also, like I say, very respectful. I kind of have the mindset of everybody around me is married. That's why I would never feel comfortable and hitting on somebody.

Okay, let's let's check the boxes. Let's check the boxes. First of all, you're dating at profile fire. That's great. You're so beautiful and so real.

And authentic, So that's good. You are looking for the right things, you have the right intentions.

You're like ready, You're ready today.

Agree.

I do go with my gut, and my gut so far, knock on Wood hasn't served me wrong because I've met lovely, lovely people.

But I'm afraid the apps are dead now. I don't know, so I might be going on a break.

I don't know.

I'll go ahead from Kelly, go to the supermarket. Thank you so much really for helping me and for inspiring our listeners I really really appreciate and they appreciate it, and I appreciate it.

If I can do it, they can do it.

It's not easy, but honestly, it gives me an extra kick in my step, even when I'm not crushing.

It's fun to get that text. It's fun the unknown. Could this be something? Okay, No, it wasn't. Well, you know, I have the other things I enjoy in life.

So, Kate, I want you to keep up with us on the podcast about any new developments that have been happening in your dating life. The podcast is all about people like you and me not giving up on love. So thanks so much for sharing your story with us. Are you like Kate, I need help when it comes to dating? Call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do