12-13-25 Donna D's Relationship Radio

Oh, there we go. I thought it was me. Okay, no problem.

It's Saturday night on a wintery, blistery, cold, slushy, snowy, traffic y night. But we're all here, Donnade with Sterling. Sterling is actually staying with me until midnight.

Yep, what are you gonna do? Exactly? Parking lot that's wide open, if I could find one, I'll be all right. I'm so happy you're here.

We've been on air for the last three hours and hopefully people aren't so sick of us tonight. We have in the studio braved the roads to get here.

I can't even believe it.

I guess you can call this an emergency, but I am very happy to that you're here. My buddy, Lisa Riker, we've been friends for over thirty years. Yea, Oh my gosh, I cannot believe it. She's been a buddy of mine forever and ever. And we're talking about a topic that is that's affected both of us because you retired this year I did, and we also have in the studio Nate Young, former retired Cincinnati police officer that's very passionate about this subject on retirement. I wanted you both to

Well, there you go December twenty three. There you go.

Okay, So yeah, two years it's been so okay. And Lisa, you just retired this year, and I know you don't like that word, and we're going to get into why you don't like that word. But first of all, how has your year been? And what was the scariest part of retiring?

Oh? I love that question.

First of all, I have to comment on what you said when you just introduced me that we've both gone through it, because it's true. I feel like I've drug my group of friends through this whole process with me, and it's a journey actually, and a fun one that we've been on together. All the highs and lows that you've gone through with me. The year has been fantastic,

Sterlinge.

Let's be honest, we're all in the back night well, and in this group, we're all in the back nine year.

So I don't like the way that sounds at all.

Back nine well, at least in the mid fifties, that's your back nine run.

The like what would we call it? The door I'm not going to get a likelihood of hitting one hundreds rare, is what you're saying. Well, yeah, that's exactly what I'm das. Probably not helping me.

You're right, Nate, I want you to I want you to jump in here because I know you're passionate about it. What is the first thing people should know if they're thinking about retiring or maybe what do you wish you knew before you went on this journey of retirement? Because there are people that are very afraid to retire. There's a lot of fear around it, and there's also people that can't absolutely can't wait for the day to retire.

Well, for the record, I was in the category you cannot wait for retirement. Okay, I was built for retirement, is what I told people when they ask me.

Is it because of your profession?

Because it's so stressful, I'm guessing because you're a former Cincinnati police officer.

I think there's yeah, some of that is definitely packaged in there. I think we all have stressors in our profession. I don't think that first responders are unique to that, so I would like to acknowledge that that everybody has that in their profession.

So I don't know.

I feel like, somewhere along the line, as it was clear what was going to happen I was going to retire, I challenged myself to reset mentally and start trying to wrap my mind around that and kind of figure out how that's going to look for me. And yeah, so I felt like I paid that path. I was the first one of my friend group to retire. And so now I'm looking back at my friends and kind of trying to give them some ideas about what it looked

So the what I witnessed from other people is not having a purpose or a reason and seemingly stressful and maybe even depressing in some cases once they've gotten to the point of where they think they've reached, you know, oh, freedom now, and then then they do that trip around the you know, the world, They go to Australia wherever it is, and they come home and they're like, now, what did you have a plan and an idea and understanding of what you wanted to do and a purpose

So you know, I felt like in my prime of my career, I was probably handling the stress. There's stressors of law enforcement first responders at a out of a ten, ten being perfect like a seven and a half maybe an eight. Once I was removed from the job, I realized I was probably operating at like a four. Thank goodness, my wife is a rock star, and she was just you know, dealing with all the bs that I was

A lot time.

We're talking about it right now, Dona d was Sterling talking to Nate Young, retired Cincinnati police officer, my buddy Lisa of thirty years. We're talking about retirement because this is coming up a lot, a lot for me, A lot of my friends are doing it. Lisa is one of them who just retired. I think you haven't even been a year, has it, Lisa? No, it's just the beginning of March.

The beginning of March. So it's been a journey. Yeah, nine ten months, it has been a journey.

Three five one, three seven, four nine seven one, eight hundred, the big one.

Have you been thinking about retiring?

What is the scariest thing about retiring for you?

For me, I'm like.

Willie Nelson, who's still on the road at ninety two, right.

He's like, what do I have to retire from?

I'm playing music with my friends, I'm going out and chilling, and you know, I'm kind of like, all right, Sterling, we.

We love our job. Here. It's let's be honest. What are we going to drive? It was what they paid me for tonight. All right, this is free. It's all the preparation for it. Well, and that's the thing. I have friends that are getting close to it, and I can't imagine not doing this or something like it. And there's a lot of different things to be able to do in this realm as far as communication or you know, I don't know being a creative. I don't know about that.

Lisa, what do you think the hard part is about stepping away? I mean, you stopped making the money that you were making. You had a pretty good job, and you know, the health insurance was a big deal for you. We talked about that a lot since March. What do you think the biggest thing is?

You know, the biggest thing is financial, I think, but you can prepare for that. And I will say this, like in my early fifties, you've heard this story, Donna, the CPA that I was working with at the time is the one that really changed my life and said, what the heck are you doing? You're traveling, you're working all these different places. You got a home here, you've got a home there. You know, what are you doing? You know what's your plan? I'm like, well, I guess

You know. I had an.

Idea of what the day to day because to your point, you're not always traveling the world. You got to come home at some point and then what does your day look like.

I actually thought that's what you were going to say. That's why I asked you that question.

I thought it was going to be not having a purpose, because that would be mine. That would be the hardest thing for me to retire, would be not having a purpose.

Yeah, well, I guess I've always known in the back of my mind that I was going to go on to do something else. And that's why I call it the third act. I'm not retired. I'm just going on to the next thing. I'm retired from the corporate world, right and that high pressure sales quota hanging over my head. It's been nice to have some relief from that. I mean, I love my mornings now when I go get that cup of coffee, my espresso, I'm like just chilling with

But I please, I don't have time to talk. I have four zooms. Today. She's like whatever, i'ven't seen her. She's been wild and free.

Tell me about the first morning after retirement.

What was that like?

Well, your twin gave me a coffee mug that said retirement on it and it said I can do. The checklist was I can do whatever the hell I want.

Boom, And that was the start of my day.

I think I probably sent you guys photos with everything that I was doing that day that had nothing.

To do with work. Probably took a walk, I mean the relief. Actually, you know what, I packed up my car. That's right. I forgot about this.

I packed up my car and I went to visit my friends in Tampa for about three weeks and stayed in a condo, you know, walked along the beach, walked along the bay, visited with friends and kind of checked out. I was ready to come back because I had all kinds of projects, you know, that I wanted to do around the house and that kind of thing, and was looking forward to that.

But I'm loving having the space. I'm reading.

I got out my watercolors. I attempted guitar. I nea Donna to help me with that. Oh and I bought the turntable.

That's right, she's a new DJ. She's the old DJ.

We used to be sterling with two turntables and a microphone.

Yeah really, yeah, yeah kidding.

I'm so excited about it, trying all these vintage albums, and you know, all of a sudden, when you have space, the creativity creeps in and the ideas creep in, and I would say this, you really want to check it all out, you know, and then you figure out where you're going to land. So I've just created that space for myself to have the adventure and know what it's going to look like, you know, figure out what it's

And what's interesting is that our parents and the generations before them, it was usually one act and that the career, and then we didn't live as long, we did not live as well, and we had a different view. And now people our age and younger, it's two or three different careers. Like you say, the next thing, a third act is what you said to Nate. And the fact is, you know, you may do a couple of part time things that end up being a full thing. You follow

Both.

Yeah, And that's an amazing thing to see because I mean, you can't hide that. You can fake a lot of things. You can fake intimidation, you can fake confidence. But the happiness and the glean in the eye when you start talking about that freedom, that's not faking. You can't do that, I don't think, or if you can, you're way better than I No.

Uh, yeah, I just it's it's it's been awesome. It's just been awesome. I you know, there's a few things that come to mind. When Lisa was talking and we had had a conversation about Uh, when I got on the Cincinative Police Department, I knew that was my that was where I was going to retire from. That's just your calling. Yeah, I just I don't know if it's I just knew it was going to be. Well, I was going to retire from these young kids. Now they're

Right, I like looking at it that way.

The third act, when we get back, I do want to ask you the hardest part about you stepping away, because I want to know what that is.

Nate.

Plus, we're going to get into the city gritty on how much money.

Does it take to retire?

We are going to talk about that five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand. If you want to weigh in and talk about the scariest thing about retirement for you, or if you have any questions for Nate and Lisa's Donna D Saturday Night with Sterling, my partner. On this winter blistery, cold Cincinnati night, We're going to get news and weather coming up and hopefully the snow will stop.

Don A D seven hundred WLW Cincinnati.

Welcome back Donna D along with my co host Sterling. Normally this is that little crazy show I do on Saturday nights about relationship. Sterling, I wanted you to stay, not only because you can't get home, but because you're forced to.

Hang out with me on this snowy and if we have to walk to us. You make it sound that this is not a like a combative. That is combative and not like something we appreciate each other's work.

Again, no, I do in our fourth hour on air to long time, I Love you, Love You.

We also have my buddy for thirty years, Lisa Reikert, who we're talking about retirement. This is kind of a subject that's been appearing in my life for a long time.

And it's not only uh. It takes a toll.

On on on people around you because you change, Lisa, when you make the decision to retire, a lot of things change in your life.

What would you say is the biggest?

And Nate, I want to get to you right after this, but what is the biggest thing that changes when you decide it's your time to step away?

Oh geez, you didn't prepare me for this one. I didn't.

I was going to go right to Nate, and then I started talking to you, like for you don't have a glass of wine.

You know, I guess I would say that you don't know all the answers you.

It's like.

You asked me the hardest part, and I think the hardest part is financial. But the biggest thing that happened was that I realized I stepped out of the boat in the middle of the ocean and I wasn't standing on anything, you know, I'm just out here floating, going, oh, okay, what is next? But I did that on purpose because I wanted to give myself the space to figure out what was coming. I had some ideas of what it could look like, but I didn't want to be one

And so it's fun almost. It's fun, is throwing what's coming up next?

Yeah?

It is, really, It is very fun. And I surprise myself about how when you talk about change, I feel like I grew in ways that were just really unexpected in a positive way. But I also realize that there's one piece of this that is tough to look at, too, and that's that if you're looking ahead at your third act, you know that you're in your third act, you are on the back nine, and so you kind of face your mortality. And I didn't realize that I was going to see that.

So some scary stuff in there, some fun stuff in there, some exciting stuff in there.

It's a lot mixed into one.

And Nate Young, former Cincinnati police officer, you've been on the job for thirty one years minus the last two years that you've decided to retire. What was the hardest part for you about stepping away? Was it you know, the you know the craziness of being a police officer for thirty one years?

Is it missing your buddies? What is it? Wow, that's a deep one. Yeah.

I miss I miss my co workers. They're you know, despite what sometimes how we get painted. Ninety nine point nine percent of those people are great people trying to do the right thing, and we get put in a lot of precarious and dangerous situations where the fraction of a fraction of a second we're making decisions about, you know, whether we live or die or maybe someone else does. And so, you know, I miss them and I miss you know, I miss their camaraderie and the fun that we had at work.

We had a lot of fun.

I love that he called them coworkers police officers ken and also we look at them that this was like, you know, they're the people that keep us safe most often, and he says, my co workers.

I just found that funny. So so okay, So was that the hardest part.

Or what was as we talked about a little bit earlier, it was it was unburned. It was unpacking and unburning myself with the stressor of the job, the stresses of the job that I thought I was handling really well, and come to find out, I probably wasn't handling them as well as I thought. And that was kind of

Yeah, oh, you're getting emotional about it, and I can see an oh.

And my kids, of course, my kids and everybody around. So it took you. It's one of the best things ever, by the way, but then you could hear it, and that's what it's about, right, That's sort of what you work for though, right, is leading up to that opportunity to reconnect because you work for them. You may work for the community as a police officer or anything else, but you're working for your family. You're working for that next thing, whatever it is.

And to do that reconnect and think good as she's a saint and she put up with all my crap and you know my good days, my okay days, you know my bad days, and you know, I just it took it. I'm like, wow, I just had to pour aside a couple of times and say thanks, Yeah, that's great.

So Nate, I wanted So it took you to get some space away from the job to be able to even see that you were in the red, that you had this level of stress. So what do you think your your co could do? I mean, you know, I could give them a million to meditate your kind.

They're not gonna listen to me.

Maybe they will, but I mean, what, what would you tell them a step to do right now so that they can step away and see, hey, maybe I'm stressed too.

Yeah.

I think we've all the police departments across the nation, and the Cincinnati Police Department is just a fantastic organization. Probably, I know I'm biased, one of the best in the country for sure. And there's been a lot of movement in the in the path of mental health for the officers, and I think the City of Cincinnati Police Department is taking that serious. And there's some programs out there and some things that are available to officers now that weren't

And for Stirling and I, Sterling and I are going to be still on this radio station. Maybe maybe, I hope. So yeah.

So it's just it's a it's yeah, live in the moment, being present in the moment of the occupation very important for our specific occupation. And then you know that it's coming, and work keep that in mind, working that work in that direction, so to speak.

Well, what's interesting is what you said, because I've worked in some fashion with guys doing detail work, which is different than the everyday job because it's a little bit more relaxed generally. No less dangerous, No, no, not definitely, not even you know, just with a badge on a belt, you know, in a hat in the midst of doing the work. But you said something that is really wild.

We get our oil change in our car everyow three thousand and five thousand miles. We get our air ducts in our house, blown out, change the filters in the furnace.

Yeah, and.

The most important part of that CINCINNTI Police Department, or the men and the women with their boots on the ground in the streets. And although they haven't traditionally done a good job with the maintenance on those people, and they're people, they're humans, And so how do we get better at that within the Cincinnati Police Department? I say we I'm not there anymore, but there's still my people back there. Of course, how do we get better and

How many women on the forest that you worked with?

I know we are trying to get it up to about thirty three percent of the force. Probably I'm going to guess here in the seven to eight hundred total numbers, whatever that number is, we're not there. My partner for the last oh jeez, if I get this wrong, I'll probably get yelled at by her to six seven eight years was a woman, great lady, Kata Warner. She's a rock star with another partner of mine, very famous BT

They have to be tough too, I mean when you say, you know, we're big tough and yeah, I mean that's what I was going to say. And we're going to talk more about that in a minute, Lisa. Let's get to the nitty gritty here, though. How much money do you need? I know you are someone that dots her eyes crossed or tease, you ask a million questions, you

Say sixty two, sixty three, sixty four.

Yeah, Donna, you're not going to like my answer because it is definitely not about a number. I mean, we're all sitting in this room and could require completely different things. And so when I go back to talk about the financial piece of it and planning for it, there's two things that I would say that you need to look at it.

It's not just having.

A portfolio manager, somebody that's managing your money and where it's at and what it's making. It's having somebody that's helping you develop a really comprehensive plan because you're looking it is unique. Two people are going to have the same mortgage or maybe no mortgage, maybe it's rent. Maybe they don't have the same plans for what they want to do and their retirement, kids and their kids, grandkids.

What do you want to leave behind?

You got to work with somebody that's going to put all that information into a system that's going to kind of calculate that for you. And how many years do you have, you know, anticipated by the time that you retire.

So sorry, but everything would you say, though discussed this, we need at least a million.

You'd think, I mean, you'd hope. I mean, I don't know. But everybody I've ever talked to us as you always want more just in case. I mean, the leading cause of bankruptcy in the United States has been for a long time medical cost, and that's increasing too. So that's the thing you haven't even gotten into that.

Yeah, we're gonna have to come back and do one more segment on retirement because I want Nate's opinion on how much money you need. Plus, since we have this cool dynamic, we have a party in the studio here, we have too many two women. We have to do some battle of this. We haven't done that. That's coming back. It's done a D tonight along with my buddy Sterling, who's sticking with me in this snowstorm, and Lisa and Nate thank you so much for sticking with us as well.

It's done a.

D along with my co host Sterling, who stayed with me. It looks Sterling, I mean, I'm looking out my phone, and it looks like we stop snowing.

Okay, I mean eighteen no second until the end of this thought. That was like a subtle hint.

It's eighteen degrees going to be fourteen maybe ten to twelve degrees for the Bengals game tomorrow kickoff?

Is it one perfect playing Baltimore. They got to win this. I mean, they need to win out and they need hope like other teams just quitting. Yeah, I don't.

Mean to be.

I don't mean to be I'm an optimist. I mean, you all know the situation we're in.

Let's just hope that we can pull a win out for tomorrow because it's going to be cold, cold, cold Lee. He's a riker, my buddy of thirty years, been in the studio with us as well as retired police officer Nate Young. It's been an interesting conversation about retirement. We all some of us really can't wait for that finish line, and some of us don't ever want to get there.

It's been it's been enlightening for me, Sterling.

I mean, we're a little ways away for retirement, both of us, and we've talked about it. We talked about it without knowing anything, how much money we think you should have, and that's going to be in the million dollar range.

I think at least that's what we want unless you die fast and then and I put it, look at it like this, Well, no, I mean I'm planning it. I want to end at zero, right, I mean in a perfect way to lieve anything left for Enid. I mean maybe some charities or something. I have a pet turtle who will likely outlive me that I've had since I was eight. I got in the woods mushroom hunting and prebble and she. I think the oldest in captivity

And who would want to just a forty more years to pay bills?

No, thank you, Nate.

We were talking earlier, right, So Lisa kind of she didn't dodge the question on how much money she has that I'm asking her to to bulge this in front of all of Cincinnati, But how much money you need or would feel comfortable that might be the better way of saying it to retire because a lot of people, Nate, we were just talking about this, A lot of people still have to work because of health insurance alone. I mean, the big deal in this country and many others is that, hey,

Can I phone a friend and that friend would be my wife and she would tell me how much money I need for retirement. She is the bank of Jamie and she keeps.

The answer is a lot. So I'm not going to do much much better than Lisa did.

I think I'm in a fortunate situation where I draw a pension. I feel like that's going to be a thing of the past as we move forward.

I know a couple might.

Well, you know, at least one is in a career field where there's not a pension. It's on him to do his four oh one K and all that stuff. So yeah, that's a that's a pretty big question with a man. I don't I don't know what to say A million doesn't seem like enough nowadays, does it.

Well, I mean, you're look at we're both nodding our head yet, and it depends on how long you expect to live and how you want to live, right, do you want to be free to roam about the planet? Is you're choosing? You know, I want to go to Australia. I want to go diving in a great barrier reef before it's gone, whatever it is, And that that's really the the choices you have to sort of, you know, look at and say how much that cost? And health care not cheap. It's tough.

But if you do have twenty after retirement twenty twenty five thirty years to live, which a lot of people do without you know, an income coming in that that would be a little scary for me.

I would think, definitely.

So if you've got a pension and you have insurance, you're kind of good.

I feel very blessed in that way that we both draw a pension. She's retired from twenty plus years in the United States Air Force, so she has a pension. Our health care comes from her service. So that was we're really good on that. I wish again, circling back to trying to pave this path for my good friends coming behind me. Is I wish I would have really realized that retirement is going to happen. Get your stuff

Powerball is a billion dollars, the great Plan. I love it. That's my plans.

Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't happen in corporate either nobody's pulling you aside to talk about your retirement to eat and and you know what you want it to look like. I mean, you really have to lean on mentors. I mean, my aunt and uncle had retired before me, but their picture looks much different than what you know mine looks like. But you have to talk to your friends, which I have about, like what is my vision for it? What do I need emotionally, what do I need in my

Too.

You know, it's exciting. It is something that we should look forward to. When you said stuff, Nate, I didn't know what you meant by that. You said, I wish I would have had my stuff together earlier.

What did that? What did you mean by stuff?

I probably might have done a little bit of a disservice to this, to the police department in the sense that they do put people in front of us that talk about preparing for retirement and different accounts, and we have some awesome programs uh for retirement for the police officers.

Uh.

Police officers nature is to kind of rebuff some of that, and you know, we're worried about catching bad guys and kicking ass and taking names. We don't have time for the thought of retirement. And so I just kind.

Of but do you mean, like what you're going to do in contributions?

Wow, Jesel, these two know each other by the way, they're just that strangers fighting right now.

I personally didn't worry worry about what I was going to do in retirement. I'm really good at doing nothing. I think I've got that one licked. So I wasn't worried about that time. But I knew there would be things that would come up. We're not you know, we're a pretty active family. We got we got a lake life down south in Tennessee that keeps us really busy, and we got a lot of things. So I wasn't

You know, most people don't have a thousand dollars in a just in case like emergency fund. And you know, you think, okay, social Security going to be around in ten or twenty years, what's that healthcare situation going to be? Like? It's getting worse as we speak, going into January now for a whole lot of people who buy their you know as contractors or independent contractors whatever, buying directly, and it's even going up if you have it under the

But sometimes it's like, I got enough on my plate. What am I gonna do think about twenty years from now? I mean, I don't want to think about it. I mean even this conversation now has given me, Like you know, it's like when we talk about space junk you're loading.

I'm like, I don't need all this. I have enough on my plate. How am I supposed to think about retirement? Donna?

That night that my CPA, his name's Todd, when he had that conversation with me. I was in California working and I called him because I said, hey, I haven't done my tax returns yet this year and it's April and he's like, wait, wait a minute, where are you now? And I said, I'm on a project out in California and he's like, when you get home, we need to talk. And that conversation that I had with him was really hard to hear. I mean, he was like, what are

And it was hard.

It was hard to listen to Donna, But I'm really glad I did because guess what, it helped me make decisions about my career going forward. And guess what. I didn't change my lifestyle. I just increase my income.

Right, And you were you were my age at that point, so you were in your mid fifties when you when you had that conversation, and that kind of puts you on track to be able to say, you know, it's sixty two, I can retire.

Yeah, yeah, that's an.

Early age too, don't Nate, how old do you mind telling me your age.

By the way, thirty five, my man, he started on the early Yeah.

Yeah, it was a little guy on the way that program. Don't worry about it.

To be fifty eight this April.

Okay, So you retired at your six fifty six somewhere around here.

So since NAT that's early. Wow.

Forty eight years of age and twenty five years in service. That's a young retirement, is absolutely Now there's a program where you can stay on for an additional eight years, up to eight years if you want. So that makes you fifty six if my math is correct, right, Yeah, so that's still a very very young age to retire, so a lot of time. Yeah, so where you know, how much money does one need if they're retiring at that age?

You know?

So I harkened back to my pension. Very fortunate for that, our pensions and you know, the healthcare is a big piece for us. I will tell you if we're on the financial part of it. A retirement program that we're offered by the police department that I participated in. You have a big, big, big love sum of money at the end of retirement, and we wanted to do something with that money. So we withdrew that money, took a

Go get your money to use, go get it out.

Well, the federal government government's going to get you on it, and then it's going to push you up at another tax bracket. And we're and we just we were taking punches left and right and not knowing what happened.

And here we are.

We generally get some money back as a return at the end of the year, and here we are owing more money than could ever imagined possible.

Nobody prepared us for that. We didn't understand that. I didn't. That hurts just hearing it. Yeah, so there's things.

You know, that money is sitting there when you go to get it, it's going to cost you to get it.

Yeah, it's quite you know, just another shot.

I'm sweating, like this is kind of scary conversation have, but at our age, you know worth you know we are.

Going to retire.

That is a that is a fact from because I have a day job and Strilling does too with this is kind of our side hustle and fun stuff too. In a yoga instruct There's always gonna be things I'm going to do. But the main job, the forty hour plus a week, where that's the grind of it. That's the one where it's going to be like, yeah, I'm pretty tired, like Forrest, come pretty tired. I just want to go home, and there's gonna be a point where

I feel a little ill. No, I'm excited about it. I'm just excited about life in general and being prepared as a part of it. And even if it's a huge game of catch up, then you just have to put the right mindset behind it and say this is what I'm doing, this is the task in front of me. Most people go, I'll get to it later. It's like, oh, I think there might be a leak in the roof. Well, if you haven't been in the attic and you haven't seen and you haven't made a call to somebody who

Absolutely all right, So we're going to end this conversation and it's been very good because going to get into battle.

Of sex is coming up in the next break.

Lisa, what is one piece of advice you'd like to give to anyone? One piece of advice? And it could be something you've already said tonight, but just sum it up on and then Nate, I'm going to ask you the same thing. What do you think people should know above anything else?

Okay, this is going to be a three part answer, even though you tell me one.

Okay, give it to me.

Start start planning for it now, and then just be present and do your life. You know, when you have your plan in place, you just work the plan and then all of a sudden it appears it's time and you get to choose and the freedom is amazing. So just you know, whatever age you are, start to get ready for it. Come up with a plan, have a plan, yeah, yeah, have some sort of idea when and how Yeah, And then like Joe, you can say, Hey, I'm experiencing joy and I want to keep playing, or I'm not.

I it's not fun anymore about You'll have the freedom to figure it out. Nate, what would you say one piece of advice, something that you really want to impress on everybody on this conversation that we've had so enlightening tonight.

Well, Lisa stole my answer, So I try to think of something on the fly here that sounds really intelligent. Be president of the moment is a huge piece of it. We talked about that and it's coming, so prepare for it. Life is good at post retirement. I'm here to tell you I will stand up and raise my hand and preach that from the highest mountain every day of the week. It's it's a great life. So uh, get your get your stuff and order and get your ducks in a row.

Well that's exciting.

At least they both who have Lisa's retired this year, Nate's been two years in. They're both loving it, so that's good. All we have to do, Sterling, is figure figure out how to get.

Yeah power, Polly. Was it a billion dollars one billion, four hundred some million cash payout instead of the annuity and then you got to figure half of that probably for tax's two hundred mil. I could live on simple interest.

In that and your new tax bracket as well. That's right, Oh yeah, right, right, absolutely.

Plus we'd be best friends because I can love some of your money too.

You know, I'm here to help, all right, coming back.

We got two men, two women in the studio, so obviously we're gonna have fun with Battle of the Sexes. We got some pretty interesting questions for the guys here, and Lisa and I are could have hey, and you guys come up with your own questions.

By the way, we'll be back with that. Plus news and weather. Did it stop snowing? Are we good? It's cold?

It is very cold and it's going to be freezing from Bengals and Ravens Tomorrow one o'clock kickoff, Dona d with Sterling, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati, snowy cold Saturday Night, Donna de along with Sterling. We've got my buddy, my riding for over thirty years talking about retirement and throwing all this knowledge in us Lisa Reichert and retired police officer Nate Young. So it's been the real deal talk about retirement.

But we're going to lighten things up a little bit.

I noticed as we were talking earlier, we've got two men and two women in the studio, and I think it would be a fun time to be extremely honest and talk about some of the burning questions we all have for each other.

This is the circle of trust. It's a safe space. Nope, it's just like going to couple's therapy. There was nothing good when they asked you to appear. That's right. This is gonna be the best five once. This is absolutely that's correct.

Seven thousand Collin ask a burning question, ladies. The guys are going to be very honest. They promised me right before we got on air that they're going to be real, honest men, Lisa and I are going to keep it one hundred percent. So I'm going to start the conversation and five one, three, sevemore nine hundred the big one.

If you have any questions, you want to call in with.

So first question, and I'm going to keep it real easy for the first couple of questions.

Right, who pays for the first date?

I got this one, Okay. I would normally say, whoever asks.

Ask for the date, but keep it a hundred.

I will definitely have an opinion if the man doesn't offer, even if I was the one that asks. If he isn't offering, he might just move down some notches on my hand on my list.

Yeah, if he doesn't pay for the first date, he's not getting a second one.

To be honest, now, I always want to try to pay, and it's I always. I don't know if it was. I was raised to not be a chauvinist, but all the stuff my mother drilled into me that is now a part of my DNA makes me somewhat of a sexist or a chauvinist. I want to pay. I want to hold the door, I want to make sure stuff's handled, and I want to make sure that she is happy in what's going on all the time and so forth.

We're creating it right now, boy, we're creating it right Gays, And that was an easy one. Who asks someone out on a date? Now this is not. This is a little bit more complicated because since the me too movement, which was a necessary movement, but there was an over correction and men don't know what to do with women anymore, right, so they don't know if they should go up and

YEA love to be approached. I would much rather have a man approach me. And I mean, you can show you know, some interest, So that they have the confidence to do the asking. I mean, you can lead them down the path if they don't bite.

At that point, if a guy comes up to you, and let's just say we were a call back earlier to the show. We had Kars from The Bell and the Bear. We're at the Bell and the Bear and we're having a couple of drinks, well and bloody Mary, and a guy comes up to you and says, you know, I've I've looked at you across the room and I think you're really pretty.

Can I can we hang out? Yeah?

No, that's it, that's what I think, what we're all looking for. Yeah, I think you're right. We've over corrected and now we need to reel it back in.

And if that offends her, then that's the only red flag I need to get the heck out of it.

That's exactly. I don't think anybody's going to be I think you're attractive.

I'd like to see if we could go out on a date. And that's some sort of problem to say that. That's all I need to do.

We want it now.

If he's not somebody that I find, you know, physically appealing or something like that, then I.

Might say thanks for the drink, sucker, I'm sorry.

No, you would say, you would say, yeah, come have a drink and hang out with us anyway. What's the worst thing that you would say is like, no, thank you. That was so nice of the compliment and the way that you came over, and but you know, thanks, but no, you know, no thanks sometimes and you got to get thick skinned.

You know what's troubling here is that you preface this with in the me too movement thing that asking a woman out or showing interest puts you in the me too mode or area. And I thought it was you know, groping and station an uninvited physical engagement or biration or something that was more of a sexual undertone and conversation rather than hey, you want to go get a drink

Think, Okay, so the guy doesn't have to pay every single time, that is.

Absolutely not but they'll hold it against you at least have sort of had that thing.

No, no, no, the first couple I think is very cool, even if it's just the first date, right, But but no, I have every intention.

It's fairness after that. Yeah, fairness after a degree.

I mean, it's nice if the guy is successful and says no, no, no, you're not you're not paying. That's nice, But it's not necessary at all. Would you agree with that? Absolutely? I think going forward you can. It also depends on where you're going and what you're doing too, And so we talked about splitting earlier, and if you want to, you know, it might make sense to split a meal or split.

The gain listeners at home, please mait.

I don't know if that was on air. Tell that story if you. Oh lord, I think it was off. It's strong. You got to you gotta share.

So I'm not getting out of this night without getting in trouble. Some of you had to have known that before you agreed to come in here, all right, Yeah?

No.

Just recently, my beloved reminded me that on our first date at the Silver Spring House, I asked her if she would like to split a meal.

And she still brings that up.

And I didn't do that for any other reason that I didn't want to be full.

For that night on my first date with this beautiful lady.

I just kind of wanted a nice light meal so we could have some drinks and engage in conversation or whatever else. And she never lets me live that down that I asked her she wanted to split a meal.

Now that it's been wetted bliss for a minute or two. Yeah, right, but why do we see if that did buy that, well, I.

Might have said a few things that were probably poking her a little bit.

You know, we won't go into that, but you see that the way you solved that though, how about some appetizers, right, and then you just ordered a table full of little stuff and then you eat what you want. You know, Yeah, that's perfectly fine. We had a great night, by the way.

Yeah, okay, So who are better communicators?

Men or women? First of all, say, my friend Stephanie's having a party tonight and I'm here because of the weather and hanging out with you guys. So Hi, Stephanie, I know she's listening. Secondly, what was the question? What was it? Yes, communication, dosten. Listening is important. There's one. Two. Here's the thing. What why is it that a woman

I think you're now, Yeah, he is, because he doesn't understand what I mean.

No, No, I understand what no means. But I mean, if everything's fine.

I think that when there's a shift in energy and a woman feels that they they want to say, hey, what's up.

I can tell something's going on.

And if you say nothing's going on and she says, I feel like it's.

Her, she's transferring it. She's got the problem. Right, Oh, boys, Sterling, am I getting in trouble again? I'm gonna see that. There's a reason that I can't I can't do right. It's it's always that.

Well, guys say what they mean, right girls speaking code.

Yes, it's true. I mean I said exactly what I meant when I said there's there's no levels of what it is what I said it was, And that's universal. I've talked to guys when I lived in work field. That's right, from all over, different cultures, different thing. It is a very common thing when they just leave my pillow and blanket in the work it out. We open Pandora's box here.

I probably am one of the many women that do listen when you say that it's nothing and believe it, because sometimes I wonder if there's anything going on in there.

You mean, well, there's it's nothing. They really they are telling the truth. That's true. I don't take that.

We're pretty simple. So, Nate Warmed, I have a question. Do you not think hang on, that's a double name. Do you think women don't mean what they say and say what they mean?

We speak? What kind of code is? Are you not listening to Nate?

Just now?

I said, like, I want to see how deep this goes. I'm getting into it because he's trying to bury me in one and you got the whole. I'm serious.

That is an interesting answer, and I know a lot that you should have seen Sterling jumping out of his seat over here trying to agree with you.

Couldn't agree with you more on that.

I want to know, do you think, really, you know, we talking code, nothing's wrong, But then there's this, then there's that, and.

Guys do that as well. Well, let's be honest. I just think women are complicated people. That's why we love them.

Yeah, and there's a lot to Yeah, there's just we gotta we're not the same, We're not wired the same. I'm just that's how I feel. Women and men are not wired the same. We think we react in different situations in different ways. We talked about the police officer thing with the woman police officer present versus the man present. So think women and men are different and that's a good thing, right.

Yeah, women, men can be more I'll give you this. Men can be more calm in situations when women can get a little bit emotional.

I think I don't even know if emotional is a I'm sorry, I'm just listening. There was something in my teeth. Oh yeah, okay, us all right?

Who avoids conflict but remembers everything and holds resentment?

Every woman I've known, Oh I'm in trouble now? Is that? I don't know? Are you talking about splitting the meal again on the first date? Right because she holds on to it? Indeed, Hey, I have a question, but that's okay.

I think you can just have it be said. I can't speak to this, you're married. Thanks for help, I'm there on an island here, like I.

Mean, on one hands, it sounds like a dream, right, like a woman comes to you or a guy depending and says, hey, listen, we have a great friendship. Could we have this other thing there? But can we keep the friendship and also have it just be that? Or is that an impossibility that wouldn't work for me?

See?

I don't think see, And that's my fear. It always ends up somebody once more, no matter what they say, and then that puts you in a precarious position because they will lie to themselves, if not, then to you trying to muster through it.

Well, I think the side is that you could be missing out on like this amazing relationship because you it starts out as friends, right, you would agree you got to be.

Friends and and and and it.

Ends with a big, deep friendship when you're in a relationship. So you know, I would say, go for that and let the chips fall where they.

Speak in generalities. Problem, but I'm hearing what you're laying down there.

You go, I got your.

You's got interested in taking the relationship further that way.

He just wants to have the Well, I'm I think often mixing them can ruin a good thing sometimes on either side of it. I'm Harry Sally.

By the way, Yes, there's been movies like I mean, like he's written this long thing like I.

Can think of twenty movies about this and how that friends with friends.

Well, when Harry Metcelli, they ended up no spoiler alert.

If you haven't seen this scene was primo.

Yeah, but I mean, you know they ended up married and they were happy.

Did they write a sequel? I think they are they doing there? You go, I don't know. I'll speaking for other guys. Sometimes that happens, they're I mean, mostly it's guys who want that special thing, right, that's like that type of friendship, rather than women wanting it? Or do more women want that in certain time and place? Is everything right situational? I just know that a lot of guys will ruin it because somebody becomes more invested. I may, I don't know. I'm shutting up. This is sling. It's

Lee?

Questions are like much more simple, like okay, I'm going to go with the first one though, because this will make you think a little bit.

And this just happened to me.

So how important is it that the person have a lot of confidence, the person that you're dating or the person you're in a relationship with. How big does confidence rank on the scale? Anyone care to answer that in themselves?

Nate, Well, oh huh, I think it's important.

I find I find confidence a very attractive confident lady that you know, cares herself in that manner, that's just awesome. I would hope that that would be the same for a female looking at a man. But I see in some of the younger kids today that that is an off pudding to the females to have a guy that's confident and in himself, And I just wonder if that's.

I mean, that's something they have to deal with.

Just times are different now, and I think this bravado, the guy that can chop the wood and wear the flannel and grow a beard, is kind of off putting out that means confidence. But I'm making a trying to draw a mental picture here.

Because you have a beard and he's going to go out. I got that. I had a delivery. Nate, you're a very manly.

I just feel like some of the things that I hear and see through our children and their friends that sometimes that confidence is off putting, yeah, and arrogant, sonogynistic, throws all these.

I think the trick is finding that balance, because you can be confident without being overbear stop opening a door or walking on the side. I've had women yell at me like going to like a store where you else open the door. I'll step back and please after you. And they look at me like I'm a puppet of Satan. I'm like, wow, my mom twitches if I don't hold the door or let you do.

I mean, there's landmines in developing a relationship with any anyone. Yeah, today, I just feel like it's just exponentially it should be easy.

You know.

I have to tell you why I asked this question. I actually went on a date last week. Everybody clapped because it's been a while.

Did you gods? Okay?

Before we went on the date, he sent a text that was confident, I would say, and I said, I like the confidence. When we actually met, he said, is that a deal breaker for you? Confidence in someone? Because I'm not a very confident person. I mean it, it made me want to pretty much wrap things up right there.

For him to own that though, yeah, well, don't even know it. That's it.

You can't even tell me that. I gotta listen out. There's there's a couple other things I want to add. We're going to continue this conversation when we come back. I believe it is stopped snowing. It's a winter wonderland. I don't even know what we're gonna get when we go outside. You guys have been here for six hours, so coming back, we're going to continue more of these burning questions. Feel free to call in five one, three, seven,

Seven hundred WLW.

Oh my goodness, gracious, we're having too much fun in the studio.

Donna d along with Sterling.

We got my buddy Lisa Reichert in the studio as well as retired police officer Nate Young. We've been talking about retirement all I have a little fun on the last segment. I wanted to keep it going asking the burning questions. Men, whatever you want to know. Lisa and I are here. Lisa and I want to ask a few questions as well. We're gonna be super honest in the studio of something you want to ask. Five one, three, seven,

Do you agree with me, Sterling? Yeah, I mean you can go overboard. Not you personally, but people can in a situation like that.

You mean when I say we killed it on that break and I was really good.

Well, I don't like anything I do, so you know that's I've learned to appreciate what works or I'm told works, and I can enjoy like this is a good, needy, multiple layer like conversation. Right, This is compelling. That's all this is is trying you're wanting to This is human behavior, this is life. This is people's stuff. There's nothing more important. And that's what really what this radio station is built on.

It is interesting because the who avoids conflict but remembers everything and holds resentment that I saw as men, and so does Lisa and you guys.

Most send me was women. I guess everybody does. I will give you that.

I have to throw that your way, Sterling, Yeah, because I've done it myself.

Well, we've all done it. The majority though, is guys hold resentment.

Sorry, do we Well, you look at me like do I? I don't think I do. Probably she's looking at me. Do you agree?

Because that is one thing guys do. They don't open up because men don't talk to men this way. And I'm actually very proud of you too, because you're kind of connecting on another You're bonding on another level like women. Normally we're talking about the hardest stuff and you guys are open to doing it. But I think sometimes you close up because you don't want to bother anybody, and then later on you hold resentment.

Do you agree? Yes, thank you, Nate. I do I agree, But I'll say this. You know why. There may be fear, interrepidation or reluctance of a lot of guys to do this is you want us to open up, and then when we do open up, you look at us as somehow being weak or too emotional, and then somehow that's a negative. After initially you were like, please please tell me, what are you really thinking? How do you really feel

Change that word from complicated to multi faceting.

Yes you are. I didn't mean that in a complication. I mean being complicated is not multiple layer like an without an owner's manual. Yes, Nate, you had a question for the ladies.

Yeah, well this is a recovery question. I hoped at my home front simmers down a little bit out there.

Do women like wool.

Convertible leopard print moccasin style slip on shoes in size seven. I could just get a response from for that police. I would hold my home front a little bit.

I would like this. I think there's nothing wrong with.

Nice move moccasin girl. I love moccasins.

I am up all right. Oh my god.

I actually went out on a date with a guy and I couldn't believe he said this to me. It was the weirdest thing ever. We were we were just having a random conversation and uh, he said to me, oh, I have the worst luck in the world. And I was like, what he said, I'm just unlucky. I know everything bad happens to me. I'm like, I'm really glad you told me that, because I don't want to at any time with somebody who so has so much bad luck.

That's a weird thing. We all have stretches, but yeah, some stuff you keep to yourself. Well, that's one of them. I mean, I share too much here, so you know, it's sort of likely the critical for me to say that, But it's true.

I believe in the vibration thing. If you put out those vibrations exactly, those are the vibrations that come back to you. And I'm not a master of that. That's a new thing for me over the past eight seventy eight nine years. I believe in that the vibrations you put out are the vibrations you get back.

Match energy in the US, what you put out, you get back. That's just what happens. If you and and Nate. That's so great that you talked about it, because that's what exactly what I was talking about. How in the world do I want to be around somebody so unlucky? But if you don't feel loved in your life, that's what you need to give. You need to give love. If you don't feel like safe, then that's you need to give some security to other people and let them know they're safe around.

Whatever you're missing in life, that's what you have to give.

That's why it's not luck, right. I don't I don't believe that somebody can be that unlucky. Things are going to happen to all of us. But it's a that's AH tells you a lot about how somebody thinks and how they approach their life. If they're thinking, oh I'm so unlucky, poor me, boohoo, you know, I just I'm not buying it. You can create whether it's you're you're choosing to put the right energy out there, you can also create your your destiny.

And it's how you look at the things that are happening. You focus on the make you learn from it.

Do you grow from it or do you walk around like schlibrock you know, yeah, just.

On work and forward always. You just have to keep going and you compartmentalize and that I've been told as a guy thing in the way we just compartmentalize certain things, which was what I alluded to earlier. And it was all jokes, by the way, just jokes people. But that being said, though you do tend to get what you put out there oftentimes. But being forward thinking and positive

Phase.

Then I drive home and drink. I'm just joking. I'm just joking, you know what.

And I want to ask you guys this question. I'll say this, there's really I watched this video. I watch a lot of podcasts, and I love relationships stuff, and there is one thing that I think is true.

Women really want one thing. It really is podcast on this will zero in on the podcast here.

They want one thing and it's kind of a big thing, and it's kind of every day. They want to be adored. They want their man to adore them, and that means loving, respectful, looking in your eye and and and knowing, smiling when they're speaking, and having their back.

They want to be adored.

And it does sound like, Nate, you adore your wife in the little time that we've been together here tonight. The things that you've said about her and the things that you're grateful for and you keep mentioning that, and the way that you speak about her, it does seem like you adore your wife.

Yes, I do, She's awesome. Yeah, and I've witnessed it. Lisa, Am I right saying that too, Like if you it would go.

A long way if you just you know, it's not like you have to say, sweetheart, I adore you.

You show it with with you know, size seven moccasin convertible exactly a good way to adore her. It's I don't know.

To me, it's not in the sappy way like you were talking about, like you don't have to be all over them and say, oh honey, I adore you. It's how you show up for them day in and day out, and putting that person first beyond yourself. I think that just says so so much about how you respect that person. And you know, throwing out some compliments every now and then doesn't hurt anything.

Laughing at her jokes, getting the inside, mentioning things to her that only you guys know. Is that like an inner you know, that kind of stuff, the playfulness.

They like it too.

I think, well, I was gonna thing that I for I love that, Yes, I think for me when my wife is confident in me, like I say, we're going to try this venture, We're gonna do this, and her reply is I trust you, let's do that. That to me is the ultimate, yep, ultimate thing for me. There's some other things involved as well that are awesome, but.

Yeah, of course, but respect or trust and respect.

Yeah, just the fact that she has confidence that you know, I've got this, and so that's that's cool.

Got that from her tonight before we left.

Yeah, you got this. Yeah, so that was kind of cool. And that's that to me is a big that's a big thing.

Cerly, do you agree with that? Yeah? Absolutely, I mean that's everything that you'd want right in that situation. You hope that you find a woman or a man, depending on your circumstance. That is that thing that the best things that you want in need and you want to sort of them to complete you in those differences and so forth. Some people may not want someone who is so strong or aggress of whatever. They're going to hopefully

How important are looks at our age? You know, we're all in the mid mid fifties, right, but I mean, you know it's we all age hopefully gracefully and things like that. When I was younger, looks kind of mattered more than they do now to me. I mean, I really feel like, how does this person live their life? And are they kind to people? And are they you know, honest? And you know, how long have they worked hard for themselves? I mean, how how have they done with this portion

Lisa, Yeah, yeah, So actually that was gonna be one of my questions, is like, in a in a roundabout way, was like, what do you find is the most attractive quality in someone? And try to leave this on a good note rather than talking about the unlucky guy out there and the guy in the waffle shirt. Yeah, it's it is, I would say, on top.

Of what you just mentioned.

For me, it's somebody that has a sense of humor, doesn't take themselves too seriously. And everybody, every girl likes somebody that's funny, you know. But I think the way that they show up for you, I keep coming back to that, that's gonna They're gonna have all those other things going for them, so appearance, you know, care about

Yeah, is you don't have a look?

No, No, it's there's just an attraction there. And generally there's going to be They are going to be kind, they're going to have a sense of humor, they're going to probably have the same kind of drive in life. I want them to have aspirations. I want them to be confident in themselves. And going back to that, I think if someone doesn't like someone that's confident to your point, Nate, and I know this is the younger generation, but to me, it's more a reflection on that person. They don't have

You're lacking something. Yeah.

I want to hear someone be able to say something nice about themselves.

Yeah, I mean that's a big deal.

Do you guys agree with Lisa that humor is important and to find attractive?

Is humor a big thing? I think initially, unless you get to know someone only by speaking to them without seeing them, it's and it may change over time. The first is the visual, the attraction issue, the physical, and then the other stuff. Over time, your opinion of that person may change. They may be drop dead gorgeous, but they're not an attractive personality, or their behaviors make them

I think humor is a big part of my relationship with Jamie, And you know, we we have a very similar demented dark and we like each other laugh while other people are looking at us like, what is wrong.

Yeah, Jamie could be making a fool of herself, and He's like, look at her, that's my wife.

That's my girl. That's excellent, splits on the dance floor ating, that's my girl times.

That is adoration right there, that is that's my girl right there. Everyone else can look at her and think she's silly, and this is what I love about her. That is a great way to ask us what you want. Wow, what a fun night.

I am so.

Happy that you guys made it in Nate. We're going to have to come come back and dissect some of those crime stories.

We were talking about former.

And retired Ohio Cincinnati police officer Nate Young. My buddy Lisa of thirty years, thank you for all your insights on retirement.

Sterling. We are.

We had a conversation with James Rapine. It was really interesting. We're going to play that back, so stick around with me. We're talking Bengals that the big game is tomorrow. You want to make a prediction before we head out of here.

It's going to be very cold, going to be very cold. I'd like to see Joe Burrow throw it all over the place, and maybe the run game really open it up a little bit. We'll see. The Ravens are always tough, but they're not that great this year either. The AFC North wide open, so even with them now with a little bit of luck, but it's going to be cold.

It's going to be cold, and Bengals are going to win. I'm going to say it right there.

James repene locked on Bengals Cincinnati Bengals Talk on YouTube, joining us from a conversation earlier.

Thank you very much, Thank you guys so much. We're coming back again. James Rapine on the Bengals and the Ravens tomorrow, one o'clock kickoff at Paycourt. It's done a D seven hundred WLW Cincinnati