I don't want to be an American.
Yes.
Yes is the most dangerous word in the dictionary because it could lead to your own demise. Billio Vincent Gambudo is here. Please don't subscribe. He is a master saying no with something that most people are bad at. Welcome to the show.
Are you? Thanks so much? Thanks for having me. I'm good I said yes to this happily. Yeah.
Why are you saying yes to me? That would be the ultimate. It's like, hey, you want to get on and talk about you know, unsubscribed. No, I'm good, I've got too much, got too much going on, kind of self defeeding. You picked the important stuff, and I think that's true though we all have to. Man, I guess I need to do this in order to fulfill some sort of goal that I have, which would be to sell books. I appreciate that, and I appreciate taking time.
I've come on, But so yeah, why say? Where do you draw a line of things?
Do you?
How do you determine what's in and what's out? In some days? I think for most of us, it depends on how we feel at that exact moment in time. Do you catch me the right time? I might say yes, you catch meet the wrong time, I'm probably gonna I know, yeah.
And you know what, either way is okay. The kind of first, the first and important part of saying no right is understanding that it's okay and we've all been really, really conditioned and souls are really sexy story you know, in America in the last twenty years, that we've got to say yes, right, say you know, Carpadium, say yes to the dress. Right. But you know, yes is the
answer to everything we've always wanted. And I think we live in a different time now right where your work constantly bombarded left, right and center with messages, with information, with things to process, not only just commitments and requests, but just you know, life is overwhelming, and so learning how to be savvy about saying no really really really
is important. But the first step really is to understand that you can say it right without without with out sort of losing at all, which is I think the fear that we have.
Well yea, and the message bombarding it doesn't begin and end with it. But it's the mobile device. It's a text, it's something on social media, it's a direct message, it's an email, it's a call, we are bombarded NonStop with asks. That largely is the I think the tipping point for this conversation isn't it is If we got rid of our mobile device and just didn't respond, we'd be in much better headspace.
Yeah, I think it's really important, you know. I mean these times, this technology it calls for us to be you know, really really specific and intentional about how we use these devices. I mean, you know, the companies that sell them, they want us to use it in a certain way, and we've got to sort of wake up to the fact that that way is not serving us well. Right, Being connected twenty four hours a day, being always on, being accessible, having no boundaries, right, these things are not
serving us. There's not helping life be better, richer, deeper, more satisfying. And so, you know, from a very very surface level logistically, right, we've got to make decisions about how we use these devices. My laptop is for this, my phone is for that. I'm going to set some
rules and parameters for myself. Uh. You know, those are the things that have been eroded, and they've been eroded on purpose, right, so that we just feel constantly connected and on uh and uh and and it's really kind of time in the in the large scale or in the large view here, Uh to just thatt some some clearer and clearer boundaries.
Yeah, well, let's talk about taking back our time. How do we set those boundaries? And it's easier said than done. And I think in particular, and and I'm generalizing here, of course, maybe stereotyping, but it seems like women have much more difficulty in men and saying no. They want to try to be everything to everybody. They don't want to disappoint you, kids and husband, spouses, or certainly their girlfriends and people at work, and so they try to
do everything all the time. And there's plenty of guys that do that, don't get me wrong, A lot of us do that. But generally you look at this and go, wow, that's that that hits women on the head. And I think that is why women feel so compromise these days. But all right, so how do I begin by saying no? How do you train someone to say no who's programmed to say yes?
Yeah? I mean, you know, it is the question of our time. I think that that all starts. It all starts on the surface, right, I think, And I like to look at all of this through the through the lens of a sort of three places that we can look at and target in our lives. One being the surface, right, all the screens, everything that we're touching all day long,
our digital life. Second being our social networks, both on and off, right, sort of learning to speak to them and and defy some of the narratives that we have and that we share that somehow, you know, success is being busy constantly and that you know, we we sort of parent these beliefs around to one another all day long, right, and kind of learning to say, you know what, I don't believe that, I don't think that's true. I think I have to sort of create a different space for
myself and for my family. And then that sort of third level, which I talk about in my book, really is sort of these underlying subscriptions. What does that mean? It just sort of means like the beliefs that we hold really really purely, you know, about our identity and who we are. I you know, certainly before the pandemic,
which was a really big turning point for me. I know we're all sick of talking about it, but but you know this, it was sort of the genesis of my work was my life was just constant, right, It was just on the go all the time, always everywhere. And I can't speak to women specifically, but I can speak from my perspective, which is that, you know, I was feeling like, oh my god, I have been trained to be this upwardly mobile, successful type a person and
I never stopped back to question any of it. So you know, yes, absolutely, I think there are things we can do on the surface, but so much of this is about digging even deeper to understand. You know, why why do we feel the need to people please, Why do we feel the need to always link success with
being busy? Why do we feel the need constantly to be accessible to everyone or to not find the words to politely say, you know what, my time, attention, money, cash, all those things are super important to me and have
to take precedence right now. And I don't necessarily mean it, you know, one to one with everyone, but I do mean when you look at the whole of life, right, how can I be how can I be a little bit more selfish in how I spend my time and where I've put my focus, so anyway to be practical about it? One of the things that I you know, suggest people take a look at is not even necessarily you know, do this or do that, but take a step back and ask the question, you know, how can
I slow this down? How can I put more structure in? And how can I make this more human? And I think those are the three things that have happened in the last ten and twenty years in our country because of all of this tech, because of how wired we are, we have sped it all up. We have taken the parameters and the boundaries away, and we've made it less human.
And so, you know, from a just practical perspective, if we can stop in any given moment that's overwhelming to us and ask those questions, I think people, you know, can find the answers that are specific to their lives and helpful to them by by start taking that rap. Yeah.
By the way, it's Julia Vincent Gambudo on the show this morning. Please unsubscribe. Thanks taking back our time, attention and purpose and world designed to barius and bs which is largely true.
Uh it just we.
Pilot on Pilodon polod On. Although I just had this conversation with a buddy of mine and he's a guy.
You know.
Gen X are like me, uh, and raised by parents and and there and also grandparents too, where work was everything for man. Right, It's like, okay, you go when you work, you work your work, you work, you work all day, you work hard, you work smart, you make your money, and then hopefully at the end you start to cash out and enjoy the fruits of your labor. I think that models changed because we have seen in a lot of people are as older certainly would look at it and go, oh my god, nobody wants to
work anymore. And I think it's partly true, and it looks and appears that way, but you know, look at it this way. When you were working when you were younger, Hey can we go and uh, we're gonna go on a family vacation. How much time did you spend working while on vacation because things are expected you at work or weekends or nights, or you may be distracted by
different projects and things you had to get done. And so you know, kids absorbed that like a sponge and they say, all right, well, you know, we live a nice life. I guess, relatively speaking, we always want more as a kid. But at the same time. You know, I saw what work has done to my parents. I saw the two thousand and eight housing collapse, what that
did to a lot of people. We saw what happened during the pandemic and people losing their jobs, like and I think gearing good people looked at that and said, you know what, tomorrow is not given. I'm gonna enjoy life in the moment, at the moment right now. Now. Do they want nice things without putting that kind of effort in Absolutely, But you can choose to have. You can choose to live that life where you're not consumed with work and not consumed with burning the mid not
all and doing those things at previous generations. But you're probably not going to have as much at the end. So that is a choice that you will make. I respect that out of today said that. They literally, hey, I'm going on vacation now. I'm not waiting until I'm in my sixties to travel. I think that's an awesome thing. But you're doing at the expense of future comfort, and that's a trade off you have to accept.
Yeah, I mean I agree with you. I think, well, first, I think our generation. I'm a I'm a zennial. I guess they call us these folks who were born, you know, late seventies, early eighties, and we're sort of sandwiched in the middle. We we we grew up without email and without tech, and then graduated college and suddenly the right you know, so we went out into the professional world really unequipped, really uh to to understand what it's all
meant and what it what it asks of us. But to your point, you know, I think this generation, the younger generation, is seeing these things, but they're also seeing that the mass doesn't add up, right, and without without stoking a political fire, I mean, the truth is that, you know, the numbers just do not support working at that kind of level. You know that that past generations did. Right,
We're seeing that we're getting less for our money. We're seeing that prices for even homes, right, which is like this major symbol of our financial im material success, right, that is a different proportion of our income. It is a much much larger buy in than it has ever been before. We're seeing that even the cost of vacations right, proportional to what people make per year has gone up.
So all those things, I mean, those are small examples, but there are plenty in a list as long of sort of where the map isn't massing right now.
I hate the fact by the way that older people in particular maybe, but you know, you can work hard to our three or four jobs. But that's not the same as it was when we were young, when you were when I was young, certainly, and for you, and if you're older, if you know your sixties, seventies, eighties or whatever, it's a whole different dynamic.
Now.
You could work, you know, four different full time jobs and still have a hard time servicing your debt. There's inflation. Inflation has gone up, and wages have not kept up, and we've seen the gap between GDP and wages just continue to grow further and further apart. It's a real deal. Don't be dismissive of younger people say, man, I'm working, you know, I just I can't get ahead. Well, you need to work harder. Well, you know, if you're up there in age, yeah, maybe you worked hard, but your
money went a lot further than today. And we're not going to talking about getting buried in college dead and stuff like that. And so I think that work is becoming less important to individuals. But I would say that work is the business of the United States, the business of America's business, and that means people have to work.
And so if you're not willing to do that at some point, or you're going to do it less, and God bless you if you that's your choice, but you stand a high likelihood that AI is going to come in and fill that void.
Well, I think now it is going to not only fill the void, it's going to blow the void the ras here. And I think where we are, you know, not necessarily completely emotionally prepared for what's about to happen, for the losses that we're going to see. Card not to be doosday about it, because I think there's there is a scenario where this can be helpful to humanity. This can be helpful to UH, to the economy, and
also to our to our day to day. But we've got to have really, really much larger conversations and at the highest levels of power about how we use AI
in order to benefit the masses. Right and right now, it's in the hands of a handful of corporations that are only going to use it for their specific gain and goals, and so it's it's really, you know, now is the time to be having a conversation, to be pushing back and to be speaking to power, to say, hey, you know, while this is going to change humanity, how is everyone going to benefit? Right? And I don't think everyone needs to necessarily. I'm not talking about, you know,
outright socialism. I'm talking about having conversations about how we fuel capitalism with things like AI. Right, this is world changing, This is life altering for all of humanity. And I think we've got to wake up to how significant a change is coming and start to really have serious conversations about how that gets spread out right among three hundred million people here in the US and obviously more across
the world. But how do you bring that benefit? And I'm not an AI specialist, but the question to be asked is how do you bring that benefit to as many people as possible?
Probably going to make things worse where we're saying, oh, yeah, you know, look at the ads for everything that's technolog's going to make your life so much either. No, it's not just going to make it more complex. I'll have more different things to do and more passwords to remember and crap like that. And I get why younger people are checking out, and maybe we've peaked at that too, because how much of this do you think we had a glimpse of life when COVID went on. I mean,
we look back at COVID. It was a scary time. For sure, we didn't know where this thing was headed. But for a lot of people listening to the early days anyway, it was like, wait a minute, hold on a second, I can work from home. I can work remotely. I don't have that now if you lost your job obviously because of that's a different story or a riff. But for most people it's like, okay, i can work from home. What does that look like. I'm in my pajamas and it's like, you know what, nothing, We're not
going to go out and socialized because everything's closed. It's it's amazing how in just a few years we've gotten way far away from that. We had a taste of like slowing life downe but clearly those Americans we don't want that. We've you know, returned to office is a thing. We've ramped it all up, and I think we exceeded where we were in twenty twenty before COVID really hit.
I mean, so many of the numbers are bearing out that we are back with ADVENU, Yeah, no doubt, you know, And I think part of that. You know, there's a lot of reasons you could point to for why we went back to normal, but one of the things I think that's really important is that we were committed to it. Right. We had we had a thirty year mortgage, right, not a five or ten or fifteen, right, We had a
we had jobs that all of it. I'm not ever saying that, you know, people don't have to go and work and make a living, but I do think that we went back very easily, and we went back sort of because the story was sold to us that, you know, normal is normal is good. Normal is what we need in our lives. And we've got to get back to the over consumption and we've got to get back to the go, go go and the run run run, you know.
And I think it just behooves all of us to kind of just remember that in those moments when the chips were down and things looked really dark, you know what was important to us, Right? What did we run to? Who are the people we turned to? What are the
things that we did? I mean there's no way to recreate that moment, and I wouldn't want to, but there was a great value in it, right, There was great value in sort of understanding like, oh wow, my life actually boiled down to these ten fifteen people, these few things that I love to do, these people that I love, this recipe that I like to make, whatever it is, right, yeah, yeah,
And tearing that forward can be a difficult process. But I think you know, the first step that sort of recognizing it, even writing it down, being really aware of kind of you know, what was it in that moment that I ran to that was valuable to me and meaningful for me? And how can I bring that forward in my life? But I think you're totally right that COVID with this weird exercise and anti socialism, Right, guys, are we went?
We really don't want this or that's not expected of us anymore. It's it is fascinating. Please unsubscribe.
Thanks.
It's Julio Vincent Cambudo on the Sconcherland Show seven hundred WW taking back your time and attention and purpose in this world, in this crazy, crazy world. Thanks for coming on the show, all the.
Best, Thanks for having me. You well too long.
Didn't read just say no. Sometimes I'll say no a lot more often and at least his equal number of yess that you give. Keep saying yes to stuff all the time, You're headed that cycle of burnout. Now, that's real because it comes at us all the time, not saying, you know, stop being charitable or hopeful, or be a good friend or a husband, or a mother or a son or a daughter, saying you know you Sometimes you'll just got the carved room out for yourself. I get that, now, get that later in life.
Anyway.
Maybe it involves sitting around drinking, having something to eat. Maybe it involves sports this weekend coming got you covered there. Austin Elmore from ESPN fifteen thirty jumps in next that the Bengals even stand a chance against Jared Goff and the Detroit Lions. The odds makers say no, simply because they are ten point underdogs at home at pay Court on Sunday on the Home of the Best Bengals coverage seven hundred ww