Helping leaders motivate their people to a higher level of performance through strong human relations, team building, and goalachieving. This is the seven Minute Leadership Podcast with your host Paul Fellavledo.
Hello everyone, and welcome to the seven Minute Leadership Podcast. It's episode seven forty three. Today, I want to talk about a leadership skill that almost nobody puts on a resume, nobody teaches in a college classroom, and yet it may determine more leadership outcomes than nearly any other skill. Emotional control, not emotional suppression, not pretending you don't care, not becoming
a robot. Emotional control the ability to feel emotions without allowing those emotions to take control of your decision, your communication, or your behavior. The reason this topic matters is because leadership is an emotional profession. Think about it. Every day, you're dealing with people who are stressed, frustrated, angry, disappointed, confused, worried, burned out, overwhelmed, or occasionally having the best day of their lives, and somehow you're expected to navigate all of
that while maintaining your own composure. Leadership isn't a test of intelligence, It's a test of emotional stability. I've watched leaders lose credibility in less than thirty seconds because they lost control of their emotions. I've seen brilliant leaders destroy trust because they sent one angry email. I've watched managers spend years building relationships only to damage them during one
emotional outburst. The scary part is that most leaders don't realize it happened, because emotional reactions feel justified in the moment. The employee deserved that, the customer was wrong, the board member was unreasonable, the situation was unfair, and maybe all of that was true. The problem is that leadership isn't measured by what happened to you. Leadership is measured by how you respond to what happened to you. One of the most important lessons I learned in emergency services is
that panic is contagious. If the leader panics, everybody panics. If the leader loses composure, everyone feels it. If the leader becomes emotional, emotional becomes the operating system of the organization, and the opposite is also true. Calm spreads, confidence spreads, control spreads. Years ago, I had a phrase that I heard that's stuck with me. The person who controls the emotional temperature of the room often controls the outcome. Think
about every difficult meeting you've ever attended. There's usually one person who raises the temperature. There's usually one person who lowers it. The leader's job is rarely to be the loudest person. The leader's job is often to be the thermostat, not the thermometer. A thermometer reports the temperature. A thermostat changes it, and unfortunately, many leaders become emotional thermometers. Someone gets angry, they get angry. Someone gets sarcastic. They get sarcastic.
Someone becomes defensive. They become defensive. They simply mirror whatever emotion enters the room, and great leaders do something different. They create emotional stability. They become the anchor everyone else ties themselves to. Let's talk about something that makes people uncomfortable. Your emotions are always teaching your employees every single day. When you're frustrated, people learn what frustration looks like. When you're under pressure, people learn how pressure should be handled.
When you're criticized, people learn how criticism should be received. You're teaching emotional habits, whether you realize it or not. That means emotional control is not a personal skill, it's a leadership skill, it's a culture skill, it's an organizational skill. So here's a practical exercise I want you to try. The next time something irritates you at work. Don't immediately respond, don't send the email, don't make the phone call, don't
walk down the hallway, pause, give yourself ten minutes. What's fascinating is how often those ten minutes completely change your perspective. The emotional brain wants immediate action, the leadership brain wants accurate action. Those are not always the same thing. One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is confusing urgency with importance. An emotional reaction feels urgent, a thoughtful response creates results. I once heard a pilot explain that during an emergency,
the first job isn't solving the problem. The first job is controlling yourself, because if you lose control of yourself, you're probably not going to solve the problem correctly. Leadership works the same way. Before you solve the issue, solve yourself before you manage the situation. Manage your emotions before you address the conflict, address your mindset. That small shift changes everything. Now let's go one level deeper. Emotional control
isn't about hiding emotions. People can spot fake leadership from a mile away. Authenticity matters. What emotional control means is understanding the difference between having emotions and becoming your emotions. You can be disappointed without becoming destructive. You can be frustrated without being hostile. You can be angry without becoming reckless. You can be afraid without becoming paralyzed. The emotion isn't the problem. The behavior that follows the emotion is what matters.
This is where many leaders struggle. They believe their emotions are giving them permission. They're not. They're giving you information. That's a completely different thing emotions or data. Leadership is deciding what to do with the data. If your dashboard says the engine temperature is high, you don't smash the dashboard. Interpret the information, You evaluate the situation, then you make a decision. Treat your emotions the same way. Listen to them,
understand them, evaluate them, and then decide. The leaders who rise to the top are rarely the smartest people in the room. They are often the most emotionally predictable. People know what they're getting, their team trusts them, their employees feel safe approaching them. Their customers feel respected, their peers feel comfortable collaborating with them. Why because they don't create emotional chaos. And here's the final thought I want to
leave you with. Leadership is not tested when everything is going well. Leadership is tested when you're tired, when you're frustrated, when you're under pressure, when you're disappointed, when you've been criticized, when something didn't go your way. That's where emotional control becomes visible. That's where your leadership becomes real. Can be composed on a perfect day. The leaders people remember are
the ones who remain steady during imperfect days. The leader's people trust are the ones who remain predictable during unpredictable moments. The leader's people follow are the ones who demonstrate emotional control when everyone else is losing theirs. So, as you move through your week, pay attention to your emotional temperature. Notice the moments where frustration, anger, fear, or disappointment show up. Then ask yourself a simple question, am I reacting or
am I leading? Because emotional control is not about being emotionless, It's about making sure your emotions work for you instead of against you. The leader who masters emotional control gains something incredibly value, the ability to lead clearly when everyone else is thinking emotionally. This has been the seven Minute Leadership Podcast, and I thank you for listening.
For more Paul fell of Alito Podcasts, visit paulfellowalito dot com