So I'm reflecting my birthday. It happened last Saturday. I returned fifty six, and this is called fifty plus. And the education, you know, never ends, it shouldn't. I learned stuff all the time, and I wanna talk about you at home, so you are I'm one of those folks who doesn't forget nothing.
I remember everything.
I'm gonna treat you, and I learned some lessons this birthday that I would share with you. And it is almost like a h audio diary for myself that later we'll see if it gets better or worse as I get older. So I went into my birthday depressed and not happy. I went into my birthday with nobody do anything for me.
That was a trip.
I went into my birthday kind of being invited to someone else's birthday same day as mine. I'm not gonna say names right then we can think all the names protect the innercent is that the names are important. I'm just trying to get them. These are the points are more important. So I'm going into this birthday party situation that someone who normally takes me out for my birthday to celebrate did not offer some of my birthday this year,
just kind of. I still don't understand why, but I'm not gonna say anything to that person because it won't.
Well do anything was done is done.
But as you onto another birthday for a person who didn't want to celebrate, this almost falls into what's going on these days with people.
I'm noticing.
This person was so adamant about throwing a party for this other person, She picked the restaurant, all this, every thing was, everything was clear to her and this person who I love also which her birthday, was just not not excited. She really didn't wan't do anything, but because they made it a family affair, she was gonna come
out to do it, to get to do it. And so I thought it was really funny going back to me, M this, these people know I'm going through a lot right now, and when they were going through something similar, I made sure I was there for them and you know, what do you need and how can I make things easier for you? And I don't get that always back. No, I don't think it's anything deliberate to hurt me. I don't think so it's not. I don't think it's that think it's at the place into the whole worldview.
Right now too.
If everybody's in their own orbits, right, it's the Payan Olympics. Everybody has their What I'm going through is way more point of what about's going through. And I you know what's funny is I'm so into my situation that I kind of get it. Cause you're caught up in your situation bringing a way to how serious or whatever it is are or intensive it is.
The rest of the outside world kind of dissolves.
And it's easy to do. But I know for me, I'm always still trying. It's not that overpowered my life and my friendships and family ships. I still try to be there for my friends and family if they're going through something. I'm not always it's not always equal. I don't always get all I'm time, but I try my best. That's always something I'm always trying to do. So I can understand you're going through something, you're in the middle of it, you just like but it just it's fighting.
But so it falls into that. So you're trying to plan this birthday and think or somebody who doesn't even really want it, it's begrudgingly doing it. Meanwhile, this personal over here who really wants something done for them and got doing any of them. They're you know, social media, big big deal. So I did get a million messages.
It's a medium. So think about Facebook, which is really funny. Facebook. Well, let's you know, somebody's birthday is coming up and they used to actually you prompts like you were just want to just press the prompt and just and then just post on their page and so like if you got a should a good friend of mine, I totally get it.
It's just like heybody, James, heybody, James. Get it.
But it's the ones that I that I were fractual friends and there's no extra. I got some that did extra, but like the rest of you're like some of them like there's no extra, but I got a few, but I did. So I'm breaking up to that. There's what else side? Now it's telling me the story later on my birthday. We know it's like get the claw and they put this coloss together. You know there's one for the other birthday person and one for me.
How you chill?
Well, I society, I decided could do hers first and then do yours and try I forget what And I'm sitting and I know that they're not trying to hurt my feelings.
But I mean that's that they're just not. I mean, I really believe they're not.
But to hear on your birthday, no matter who is from or why, that someone's choosing someone else over you first is it's still a bitter pill to swallow. Okay, But I was supposed to just take it and smile and go okay, and you have many more I understand, which I did. I didn't start nothing again, what's done is done. I can't change people's actions or feelings.
If you that's how you feel, how you feel that conclusion, how are you getting that conclusion? So I know I do about that. I got a one now. One thing I did.
I got a wonderful, wonderful video from my daughter and grandchildren, second daughter and grandchildren, two grand babies that warmed my heart. And I will give this daughter points because she is I'm a long distance grandparent, so she has stepped up in the department of try and make sure we have a relationship.
She really have.
So I don't want this to be all bad or sad, but like so, this is a good part. It's like it said, it wore my heart. I cried happy tears. It was very sweet moment that that was really sweet, and I was like, okay, so I'm wack it some juice. So that was very sweet. So we get to the destination now not really giving it away either. Again, it's just it was an area of town that was very ironic for them to bring me to, which almost made things worse.
But it's like, but I was like, that's interesting.
So we go. Everybody gets their food. Well, first of all, everybody, so everybody's we're ordering food, mean the birthday or other birthday person order one pancake each because we wanted we each wanted this this oat pancake. It just it sounded so good. I didn't want a whole set of pancakes.
That's what I want.
But apparently a lot of folks are our party.
You want know we ordered first or a pancakes.
Ally, I'm being tall, so I ordered it was one pancake or some tear tops. So I'm being told. We're both being told we can't mary pancakes. Like, okay, they're out there out of pancake batter or something. We're fine. Said, well, we'll give you French toast. I'm not a French toest person, I hate French toast, and I just I should have said fucking no, thank you, but I just but I
was like, okay, I thought we'd a couple of slices. Fine, whenever it's a whole different thing, and they acknowledge them a whole of you know, we know it's not pancakes, it's not French are different things. So I see them start bringing food out. People have pancakes. I was like, we're the birthday people. Should we get first crack at the last of the batter.
I guess not. And the grip panted person I both said it. We both kind of agreed.
So the rest of people got there, You'll get their pancakes. So for us, wait, wait, so they bring out the other birthday person's French tous, just a huge French house, says. We thought it was just gonna be a little piece or something whatever. There's too much. We could have split
with those plates ourselves through Jews. But I'm sitting here waiting for my paint to come out, waiting waiting my guy, my guy down the road, down the down the table was like, he noticed I had no food, Like, I don't know if I don't know where is, I don't know no food.
I didn't get served. I know on my birthday, first I can't have what I want, and then I'm not getting served.
It was like this is and I didn't go crazy. I didn't go wild. I didn't try to ruin the moment. Everybody's like Ginger being so calm. I'm like, I've come to a point these days when shit happens, because when as what happens so much, I mean, I don't do you ever feel this way? Just so you just feel like what the fuck you just you don't even know? And it push it was all so hot as it was like in the nineties. It was like I don't have the energy to fight people, but I do want now.
I want those now. Not a principle to matter is I want them to serve me. The French toast. We're waiting and wait so that everybody's eating, and of course I know how.
I want your food. I want my food. It's a say, it's principal to matter. I want my food.
The apologize it didn't make it somehow, I need to make a second one, all right, so I get my food again. I don't like French toast. I ate like a couple pieces of it, and I basically threw it, but they probably like, what the fuck?
I didn't want it. I ain't take it home.
I'm not gonna was gonna eat it later. I'm like, soggy brand that does nothing for me. I wanted a pancake. Oh, I was like whatever. I just had some tear toops, but I barely ate anything because I was like, why am I hungry? Later, I had a drink when I was there after the drink was good. So then we go up to the place for this place for veganized cream. I didn't want vegan ice cream. I don't want that either.
H oh.
The ham zucchini takes a really good cheers. That place eight those eight bunch of those. So anyway, that's it. I mean, we kind of hung out. Then we went to Denny's at dinner. I had a freebie of Denny's that was that was nice. The guy that gave me a hug. That was kind of funnel situation. Went to your record store. I got some records I want right well, I ordered pancakes. It was free with my grand slam left the pancakes in my friend's car, so I said, I still haven't had pancakes.
Go to have pancakes my birthday there, I adam.
I guess that was not meant to be apparently, so that day was okay. It was so hot, but just that it was like so hot, it's the hottest day of the week.
That was weird too, And I got.
Kind of a I got a gift, but it was like they didn't know me very well. I was it was very nice on to give me something, cause I got that some chocolates, and then.
That's it.
I mean, I didn't get like been had no gifts for anybody else. I got one card to mail. That's it. No cars or anybody else. Now I usually get us just get a lot of you get a lot of cars. That's gone. And I realized how the fuckers getting cards are dead, So I guess that's it.
They're not here anymore.
My friend Ue comes out of town, didn't come out of town because he's having issues money issues.
Uh, so that that didn't happen.
But my other friend, like I said, name, who said, I went to you out for your birthday.
It's on some mother's day.
So we went and the food was good, so we went so he was his presence were very thoughtful to me. They were very very thoughtful. I was like he put we always he always puts work into my presence, and so I appreciate him completely, like he treated me the way I should be treated. And we had good laughs. Break up by sprinkles cupcakes. I came home and talked to my brother, fell out. I really getting some presents to you. They were nice, he went. He went on
my wish that'ds, which is so smart. One of my wish that's got a couple of things that I wanted. I'm happy. So I said, it was a mixed bag. Not made very phone calls, not that may texts. There are people who actually left. I've not heard from at all. I have a friend, you have my say names. I hope he's okay. I'm gonna do a message for him tomorrow. But I got heard from him in a couple of months, like okay, normally get back. You can ask me at some point. You don't talk every day, but I'm calling
you tell you. I want to tell you some stuff. You know, I'm going through some things and I want to talk to you because we talked to each other about going through something and I have not heard from him, so I gotta check on him. But yeah, some folks, I'm saying, I'm sad they didn't. They didn't check any check on me or sady birthday or anything. Now I'm learning some stuff. So I think part of it is
society's changing, and the pandemic was part of that. People are just I just I just did a blog post that's coming out about self cares are always it. I think people will say, what you should do for yourself, Go check yourself somewhere, go get a massage, go do this. It's like, but I want you. I want to I want to hang out with you, and I would love for you to make me feel better in that moment.
And I guess you can.
Look for that anymore because I have friends who look to me for me to make them feel better. So I do my best to do that. So okay, I mean, I feel like that's part of my friendship, right. You know, when you're down, I help pick you up and there's a good time. But apparently it's not the same for me. I have a couple of friends who said who are like that, They're like that, But for a majority of I'm like you know, it's I don't. I don't have that. I don't have this support system like I used to.
It's it's really it's total as window like. It's really it's there are folks who care about me, of course, but they just want to they only want to join in when it's fine. I'm okay, nothing really majors going on from afar. They'll happily message me on social media for on a DM or whatever, but then nothing after that. And I think I asked a question about this and another show where I was like, where is the compassion?
I I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know where it is.
And I'm learning and being an adult. One of the lessons I'm learning as I get older. I see why older people feel left alone. I remember, I remember, I there's a couple of times I went to I'll die digress for a second. But I have been to family get together as in the past where granny or grandpa or a great uncle are just sitting in a corner, sitting there. No one's talking to them. Everybody's talking around them, all the younger people. And I'm like, I see what
I feel. Invisible just wither away cause it's like there's nobody talking to them, and I don't talk to older I don't talk to older people. I'm like, what you guys talking about, let's laugh, talk about it. I've always been that way. I love talking to hearing stories. But I'm noticing that that really does happen. And it was one point, yes say, well, I'm guess because I did this. I'm recording this where everybody was talking and I was just saying about myself, just sitting there. I was like,
I am not that important. That's that, And that's actually a good lesson to learn. I'm not that important, and I always talk honesty and stuff on here, and that's what that's That's a that's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's a very humbling thing to realize that there are people who like you, and there are people who love you on some level, and the levels are all
various levels, but you're just not that important. Of course, when you die or say major it happens to you, then they're the ones crying the most.
I've learned that story.
But I'm like, but it's just that you are important enough that you're part of this, you're part of something of theirs, but it's that extra They just don't They just don't have it in them for you, and you have to like be an adult and put your pants on and smile and go, Okay, I guess that's it. But you can't. I mean, I I know some folks. They will go and talk to people and like, why don't you demand Like why aren't you being this wady
against big fights. I don't like drama, so I'm like, I don't want that either, So I know for me, but for me as I'm just not not wanting dramas. It's kind of like, but I don't want to force someone to think a certain way. You should want to think that way, and if you don't, then it just tells me. In the collection we have, not everybody loves you the same intensities you love them. Not everybody is into you. It's the same way you're into them, they're not. There's a lot of lopsided relationships.
They just are.
And whether it's good or bad or whatever. I'm learning that more and once I get older it's like, oh, Okay, they like me for this or we're good on this, but not on everything. I wouldn't go to them for nothing. I would go to them for a lunch or dinner, have some laughs. We both like this particular group or movie. So I have a friend who who is like, they don't know what's going on my life. Really we don't.
We don't have a chance to really talk. So they're actually just regular and they're like, well, we should go through it. And then they're suggesting all these concerts and things in the future like this year, and I'm like, I did tell you. I just have a sixty six thousand dollars credit bill bill for this roof. And I thought I told you at some point, I still got to fix the inside of my house. It's almost every penny I'm making is just going back into this house.
Right.
I'm in that season that happens sometimes were just like you're in You're either you're in a health season or a house season or a car like you just you going through stuff. But I ask some younger people that I with, who I don't know if they get it.
They just they just like, I want to do this with you. We should do it.
And I have to find and I have to find way to politely say.
No and have time.
I just been learning. I'm to say nothing. I just don't respond anymore. There may times I literally just ignore it. I don't know if that's right or wrong.
But this I don't. I don't have a bandwad anymore.
But why am I I feel like I'm thinkingbou anybody else's.
Feelings or about mine.
I was like, I just go and I know two wrongs make a right, But sometimes I'm just like, I don't have the energy trying to figure out how do I say this? You know that I can't plan anything in the future right now because of these ten things.
I feel like I figured I'm repeating myself over again.
And then you know, this person does like I said, there's a couple of them get to knitty great details, but they know these couple of things because we met up a few weeks ago, and I'm like, I told.
You what's going on.
I was like, right now, I can't do this, and I just it's right now, my life isn't my own, and that's it, and we gotta find tiny car up. It's I am fine, tiny, I am fine time here and there for things, but like it's not really my own. I'm in the middle of something that's very serious. And then I take care of that. No one just gonna take care for me. I gotta do it involved with the people and so it's not just about me.
And I.
But as I said, I don't go off on people and try to. But I did have this one incident that it was kind of funny.
Today. I mean, it's the day after my birthday.
Is I'm recording this, I'm so kind of celebrating my birthday to day and one of my people in my circle, you were just you were just think I didn't hear from at all, and I didn't hear from on social media.
I didn't hear anywhere. So and I know this.
Person's in their own world right now, but it was kind of funny. It was like I hear and they actually in our group text was like tell your mom howny Mother's Day. And the other person in the text are like telling them how he Mother's Day?
This. I'm like, did you forget something? Like what? Who? What?
I'm like my birthday. It's and it's just like, you know, I love you. I supposed to forget, you know, I love him Like it was just I was just dismissed. It felt so dismissed, and I heard through the grave front they went to somebody else. I was like, I'm miss saying his birthday. He's mady. It's like, well, if you think that, then apologize or say something nicer than just how your birthday?
You know, I love you?
Like that's it's just so like it's like James, your feelings mean nothing. So I so I'm not gonna fight with this person. And when I talked to them again, I'm not gonna bring it up, unless if they bring it up, we'll talk about it. But I'm not gonna bring it up. I just I mean, it's just like it doesn't matter. You didn't you forget, you didn't think about me. I'm not that important. You didn't think about me. That's
just a fact. I just kind of got caught. You put your foot in both, and you kind of got caught because you're not paying attention. That's why I was you don't pay attention, you know, or really have thoughts about it, because I'm like, what's so funny is that's how you get caught. Somebody else too, was sitting how you Mother's day? And I went, oh, you know, it's also it was awso my birthday and I hear nothing for a long time, then I hear ay birthday. It's like,
I mean, it's just kind of like I do. I mean, it's like I am am, I just invisible. And that's why I'm seeing my free will sit wh they're older. I feel in visible.
I totally totally totally see it and feel it. I get it. So I you know, I don't know.
And I do a show called Extra Connections, and I'm connecting with people in other ways for things. But I'm like, are we cuting? Are we just done connected with each other? Or is it one of those things where.
I don't know.
It's just like everybody get everybody's so tired, everybody's so busy, everybody so this that third that we just like being desensitized and just like we just just say and do whatever we want. And oh well, if you feel a certain way, I.
Mean I don't. I don't.
I'm just I'm trying to work through this, and I've been trying to work that. I'm working through this with you guys at home, because I'm sure so of you guys are going through the same thing. I know, I know I'm the only person going through this, so and I just know for me, I'm not trying. I don't think these people even listen saying my shit. So that's why I why I talk about it. If they hear this, if somebody's involved, they know it's them. I love people,
come talk to me about it. You want to talk to me about it. That's why I have no problem talking about it. I'm not a friend. I don't not a friend of confrontation or anything. I have no problem with that. So because I know I do anything wrong. And again I say nobody's names. Nothing I say relationship with exactly are to be or anything. They just pieces of and people. So online no one would know it's
you unless you told them. But if you know what you did, tosten to this podcast any way to confront you, please confront you about it. I live, I have, I'd love that. That's why I don't problem with them. I always wonted that, so I don't problem with that. I'm not afraid of that. So, but I mean nobody does. It's like because I post stuff on my main page on Facebook, nobody nobody cares.
People don't even do courtesy likes anymore. Now I do you know my fan page is different because they they're there for my work.
But just like it's yeah, that's the I won't get into a whole that. That's that whole stuff. Also, either I'm James Junior. I got blathered on long enough. This is fifty plus, we're this show. We're we're gonna continue to work through issues that happened in our fifties and sixties. And plus I'm also gonna WORKU I haven't, I haven't, but I think I'm gonna start working on getting some guests on the show of folks in their fifties and sixties and seventies. And let's talk. I just haven't done it.
It was not It's not that I couldn't. I just haven't got anything to do that. So I think I'm gonna work on that. Also, uh, to you for this for this season of the show. Well, I am James On Junior, and we do this show on too, at least on Tuesdays, so every Tuesday, it's not to you next time.