So Father's Day was a few days ago, and I think I did a post about being a grandfather. I've done this kind of grandfather stuff and what that means myself being a father and a grandfather, and I've talked about that side, but I decided to talk about the other side, me not having a father. It's interesting because I did a post last Friday. I decided to do I do a blog every day, a lot of help dot com.
It's a website, and I usually.
Even if I talk about things that are kind of negative, and still try to put like some kind of positive spin or some kind of lesson, and that's my side, not you. I said, fuck it, no positive spin, no lesson. Let's just be real. Let's talk about something that's real and a real feeling. I'm and I And at first I was like, do I want to do that? I said, no, I do as part of my part of my branding is being real and people usually can relate to it.
And I just wrote, I said, I did, even wrote in a blog, I go, there's no boo at the end, there's no happy ending, no lesson. I'm trying to teach. I'm just trying to reach out to people who may be in a position like me. Now, I'm not talking about the ones whose fathers are are dead. They had a great father and their gone. I'm not addressing those people. I thought about those of us who were either never had one, were rejected by their own father. Their father
is alive, and what's nothing to do with you. I'm talking to those people, and I'm like, it's and that how we have to live with it, and how we have to move on and go on as traumatic and there is no happy surprise and there's no substitute for that at all. My father, which I share his name, I tried my best to work a relationship with him, and for whatever reason, as I say, for a reason
I don't fully understand. I can name things and situations, but that's not even just overall, we walked the earth two separate ways.
He lives in the same city as I.
Do, never see him, never calls, their texts, nothing, I don't even have his phone U him and I don't even know what's going on with him at all. I follow his wife on social media on LinkedIn, and she I mean, I've met her a long time and she was nice. I had some siblings I never met all the stuff I'm just like and it's because he has chosen and told me, and I was with nothing is a relationship with me.
And you know, I don't talk about it very often. I don't.
I'm talking about on here and I'm not very often. You know, I was strong, and I was strong in my resolve I was. I actually have forgiven him, I really have and I still have forgiven him for my upbringing and all things that went down. I recognized parts that were my doing, parts that I had in it, parts of lot of folks had in a public, parts that were just everybody was young, you know what was
going on, you know, all kinds of stuff. I went to therapy that I was stuff looking at the stuff, and I really have forgiven him for the past, because you can't change it.
Past the pack. Oh my god, really, you.
Guys heard that. I think my alarm went off. Okay, The point is that I don't. I'm not actually holding on to anything for my childhood. I don't like say his name. I don't flinch I used to or get just super angry like I used to. Oh that's actually really gone, it's not at all. But what's funny is what I'm left with. I'm left with this kind of hole in my in somewhere. It's a small hole, but
it's a hole I think about all the time. But like things like this come around or cera situations in my life from like God, I wish I had a father to talk to you about certain things, may have shared some wisdom with me or share a.
Laugh, you know.
And I know he and I have some things in common, so I think.
We probably could really talk about stuff.
And he was close to his father, so I know there's a generational thing going there. But he's also taught me a lot about business. He's taught me a lot of stuff in weird ways to let the messages. The message came through, but I got it. But to be rejected by anybody is trauma enough, and something that's going you gonna hold onto you. That's you know, you never really get over it. You put it somewhere, but you
never get over it. So I'm left with not the stuff for my childhood, not all the other stuff, but other the fighting and things like that. Stuff that's the past. I'm left with the rejection. And I have a father out there who wants something to do with me, and I know I do anything wrong, So that's the part that's that hurts sometimes.
And he texted my brother, he chected me, my sisters. He was all to sitting here like this man out there and has nothing to do with us, And.
That's just so crazy to me. So Father's Day happens, and I'm like I the one stepfather I cared about died a few years ago. He was a true stepfather, but he still wasn't my father father. He was a father figure. I talked to him about certain things. Moses, who was the most recent my mother's husband. He wasn't really my father. He came to my life way too late. We had nothing in common. He didn't he didn't talk a lot. I grew to care about him because he
can't read a little. My mother so much and he was a nice guy, but he didn't fulfill that role at all.
I have a couple of good.
Memories with them, but I remember Father's Days so that we get car stuff for him. Was like it was more just to honor him for being there for my mom. It was more of a respect thing for me. I didn't have was he was my day? Wasn't my dad? My godfather isn't really reach out to me. We don't
have that kind of relationship at all. So it's kind of like it's just like, wow, and I have uncles, have one, so I have I watch some one to pig sure clear wheness I have one uncle, I talk to you, but he's literally two years older than me, so he don't count. But I have other uncles who my father's brothers, four brothers. But then I'm talking to me. None them reach out to me, none of them. None of them give two shits about me. That's not a
hard thing to do. It's one of those things, is I know, it's not it has to do with me, not like they're doing anything towards me or against me.
I do anything to them, so that that's not it. It's just that.
When they if they ever see me, it's like, oh my god, hi, you know, how are you? And then out of side, out of mine. There's no closeness nothing. And I had one uncle, but I think someone promise him, but we don't doesn't talk.
We don't talk.
I'm talking to have my family anyways, that's no story. But staying on a father theme, yeah, there's no lesson on this Ei. There's no lessons, just this is just me talking. There's no lesson, there's no silver lining, there's no happy ending.
It just it sucks.
And for you guys out there who are going through something similar like that I'm going through, I feel you.
It's it's a mixed bag.
And because I am a father and grandfather, so I do get my family's not here in LA it's always mixed back. Fathers is always mixed back anyway. But I'm learning this. I'm learning to shay. This is for a fifty plus crowd out there, especially to you. I'm learning because I don't have that kind of family set up or a kind of family my life that and it could change later who knows, But for now it's just not there. Birthdays and holidays don't mean as much, just
be much to me anymore. Like that, my view of them are starting to change and I'm not going to not now on me like I hate them, Like, oh my god, I still decorate for Christmas. I was like, it's more for me now I do stuff kind of more for me. I know, it's kind of sad. I've got myself. I buy myself presents, Rother's Day and my
birthday because people just don't. So I'm was like, it's just I just do stuff for me, and I think that I did the earlier show this year on this after after my dismal birthday, I was like, you know, I'm not selling my birthday anymore for people. I've just decided, you know, I have a birthday, I'll celebrate myself do I'll just do whatever I want.
People can give me all.
The think see me, all the messages and all that kind of stuff, but no one's obligated ever to sell my birthday with me.
Ever. That that's done. That's what this year is done.
I asked some nice surprises, that was just they were acute surprises. That's fine. From Afar, It's fine, but I'm.
Gonna call it.
And this Father's Day, I'm sure I'm probably gonna I both well, one of my daughters will be out of town on business. She may not leave a message. She might not sure the other daughter she will call your message. I probably won't hear from my grandkids.
They won't. They won't. They won't.
They might they might. I don't know, but I doubt I will. I'll hear from other people. Go say any follows say to me, that's gonna happen. So it's as you get older. I mean I always heard this. I always heard this, and part of me did not want to believe it. But everything I've heard about when you get older is coming true. In terms of relationships and how you've viewed certain things. It starts to change, and maybe it's not a bad thing. This is new for me.
It's all new for me. So as I lean in to it, maybe becomes something where I'm comfortable and it's fine, and may just get used to it.
But this is all new for me, so it's a little painful.
And that's why shows like this, I can talk to you about it. And this was fifty plus. I'm drinking Junior Tuesdays. We're talking out with older folks.
Tell you later.