So I am literally reading my journals from the eighties, the nineteen eighties high this is fifty plus. I am James L. Junior as I'm reading my journals and wanting to slap my younger self. Half the time I got how dramatic. But I also put in lots of details. One of the ones that I was looking at was like, I bought I bought a new I I bought a new Walkman from Macy's. It's a MFM radio and cassette. That's a big deal that I could ride the bus listening to my cassettes. Oh the good, the good Lord.
I saty eight. But it's it's she to look back, and I was thinking about something as I look back. I mean, I had all these I had a I went to a small town. I went to Sacramone. I was a small town, and I had lots of friends and coworkers. We were a huge cohesive unit. I had my home life because I lived in an apartment that had a courtyard. We're all living there. So I had a home life, had a work life. I look at
my thing. I had family that was raising my girl, Monica Alisi, like all this stuff, and I was like Wow, people were walking out of my house. They were just like visiting. People were staying with me, and I was like, I just my life is so different now. It's so all the dating adventures and who I like and who I liked and who are you know? And it's funny in your fifties reading stuff from your teen your late teens, early twenties, and I I was reading from like eighty
eight to about ninety. I kind of stopped down there. I turned twenty one and ninety and ninety and May that year a trip to read. I was just like wow, And I just had this full on life and I was navigating living on my own, which I found to be pretty easy in the most part. I didn't have a problem alone. But then I let people stay with me for a while and they come and go. But
I always had a place to live. Back then, I was dating, but I didn't just like you know, I was very proud of my place, and I had a support system. I've seen names I haven't thought about in years. There's one, there's a well I started look at here's the deal. I start look at my journals because I've worked on a project. I don't know if I mentioned it on here, but I had I've had brushes of knowing people a little for a lot that later became
famous for some kind of notorious reason. It's crazy. I literally have three stories already, and I was researching going back to my journals to see if I copied the covert that which I did. I always worked on everything, and I have journals from two thousand, No's why, nineteen eighty twenty seventeen, So that was just kind of And I've been doing some audio journaling on here last over the last six months. So it's just been a trip to read all these folks who are either not here anymore,
are here, dead, lives, disappeared. My girl Shelley, I don't know where she is. I don't say it last thing I want out or anything, but I hope she's a lie. My girl Tracy, a girl Cindy. I mean, I'm friends with a couple people, so I know there's still around. My friend James, my friend Michael, I'm I'm friends with some of them, but there are others I've never heard of or heard from. The now social media are not in no way that you would think we're talking. My
rent was three hundred dollars a month. Oh my god, I just it just oh I love the Keen apartment. It's a Keen apartment. It was just I just I mean, I was smiling all day going through Easter journals. I found information I was looking for at the same time, but just reading I would go through me some more.
I think it's it's sometimes it's fun to look back, but a laugh in a week and it's like, oh God, you were a mess, and there's some things that are still going on today, thirty five years later, thirty eight years later. I'm like, fuck, I would change that much I have and I haven't. It's a trip, guys, it is a trip. I'm so very glad I documented a lot of stuff there, some real private thoughts in there.
There are when I die, I say, put them together and published the whole like a huge giant book of all my stuff, and you'll get a sense of who I was. We'll be gone afterwards. But meanwhile, I'm I'm writing a couple of autobiographical pieces that I'm really working on, something really big. But sometimes it's nice to reminisce and look back and do it in a way that hopefully you will not be resentful or pissed or you know, just look at it, look back at it honestly, and
it just except it for what it is. And I guess we got to move on. And that's all we have to do. Accept ourselves. I don't know if I accept ourself fully. I accept myself in certain ways funny, but in other ways, I'm like, do I like my hair? Do I like my I don't like my body, obviously, And that's how they're just like, let's see I'm talking. I was so young and tender, and all these guys were surrounding me, and people were and guys and girls.
Everybody loved me, and I was just like talking to everyone. And now I'm in my fifties, lonely, feeling invisible. Uh fats all these things going? What happened? I don't depend thinking on the show. What does change make a turn? But it was just like just interesting, just like it a lot of life happens. It just really does. And you're like, huh. And as we're trying to my family's trying to purge all this stuff, it's just like it's
so much. We got a bit of a storage here today and and I brought a couple of stuff home, nothing crazy actually, and trow some pictures that's posting them online and I just sit here. I'm like, I'm fifty plus, I'm nearly sixteen, and I just it's fascinating to fine old stuff and go through it. At the same time, try and live in the present and feel what that is. And I'll hang a hard time with that. I don't know what that is, but we get a present. I
have no idea. I was playing my eighties music, were my banana, clipping my hair and just keep it moving. I guess, I don't know. I get very reflective when it's gating close to my birthday, which is in about three weeks, and so I'm feeling it now already. I'm like, so I look it back every year, always do this. I think it's fine. Look back. I wrot with that. Goetta, be careful what you do with those emotions. Now, that's the only problem. But of course I have a platform
where I share stuff with you all the time. This is fifty plus. We looking back, Touch you next time.