So I got a lot of feedback actually from my episode about making friends how hard is make friends as an adult, as an older adult, later adult, and people were literally saying sending that like, oh my god, I know it feels.
I was with.
My one of my longtime friends in San Francisco and he was saying, yes, it's kind of crazy to make new friends. So you hold onto the ones you kind of have, and it's like to make a new friend because your circumstances have changed. Also, how do you make friends? Like, it's a whole thing making friends. Meeting people is not
hard meeting people, that's one thing, making friends. And so people ask me to clarify a couple of things too that I was talking about, which I'm happy to do, and I want to continue this conversation because it is kind of a very important thing. A lot of folks
are lonely. But also with now the late language that has been presented, there are a lot of people who are self proclaimed introverts or well, you know was we said it was shy now or just bested with the pandemic he's coming out of to you are now.
Socially really socially awkward, socially stunted.
They don't know how to even do small talk anymore, you know that kind of thing. So so there's a lot I feel for for people out there because I want I see, I can do small talk, large talk. I can talk to people any size shape, and I mean, I just I'm very friendly, not shy, and very open.
I've been in this place since I was a kid.
Apparently don't know where it comes from, but I am this way, and so I'm very fortunate. And I also know that I'm not the norm. There are others like me too, but I'm not the norm, and I have to remind myself also that everyone has to own agendas in life as they're going through life, so when it comes to friendships, so just I want to mention those things. Also, my friend and sister school I were talking about he's not retired, so he's like, okay.
Well now I'm not at a job. We're at a job.
And then I was talking to my brother in law who says he doesn't like making friends at his jobs.
I mean, just he's friendly.
To his coworkers, but like you just want to hang out to me afterwards, that kind of stuff.
It keeps him very separate.
But then I'm like, but do you have any friends outside of that?
Though, like very few. So I'm like, how does that work for me?
When I when I work at a job, I go all in and so then I become friendly and we talk and all this stuff.
And I'm like, so I'm always like.
Happy to get to know you, and you get to know me, and we're in close proximity and we have the same kind of job.
Somebody like it's all it makes sense.
But see now for me, now I'm self employed, that's changed too.
I as well be retired. It's like, how do we It's like there's mixtures and stuff.
Like I said, meeting people it's not a problem, but developing friendships it is just as hard as developing a relationship, like a romantic relationship is this is hard to get people seeing these big cities. I know small towns will be different, but these big cities, to get someone to hang out with you, it's hard. You're trying, Okay, three weeks from Tuesday, I'm Freeeda say, I'm feed.
I'm free.
Well, one thing is a lot of us work, our own work. If we have our own schedules, it's kind of hard. Sometimes, but when I was younger, my twenties and thirties, it seemed easier. After work, we get together, we go to dinner, we do this, you know, we get together for drinks on Sundays and all of stuff.
It's like it just doesn't happen. I'm a change when you get older or when you're just like in a bigger city or just now because of the pandemic. Is so it's so different.
And go back to the agendas thing where you're like, I'm going in and I know some people.
I've talked to some other people too. I want to say their names.
But friends of mine who we all were going into this new friendship with somebody we meet them. We determined with the chemistries that we get along grades. This is like I got a new friend. Maybe we both like concerts, we both like this, and we'll hang out together. And they don't. But for me, I have a friends really call me. There's a text. I hope we could just go by.
I don't hear from them now.
If I text whatever, call this person will text and call me back.
Yeah, of course they do.
I have a few people where I could text it and they won't text back.
For a week.
But it's like a friend, like, hey, I knew I was gonna you know, and most of us live on our phones, you know that. But I'm like, it's that it's that intentionality of all like they may like me, it's personally, I think this person likes me.
On some level. I hope they do.
But I'm going in, like I see ten potential and I see like we're soulmates. And I had friends, and I feel like we have a really close time.
We have things in common and oh my.
Goodness, and you know, just like a relationship anywhere. And they're just like, I like you too. It's at least that's kind of nice. And and they don't really reciprocate or they keep you at arm's length, all right, so they're like, you know, they're just like, no, I like you and seeing you once every couple of.
Months is fine.
But the adventage social media, I may talk to you all time social media. That's totally different. That takes no money, no effort. It's like they're on.
Social media, so we talk all the time social media.
So I'm like, I guess we're social media friends.
I have another friend. We're not close obviously, but I thought we were getting closer. I thought we were getting there, and they never like and share my stuff. And when I share their.
Stuff, they never thank me or acknowledge or say anything. And I say, they have to, just like it's kind of weird. Like if Soce shares my things, I'm like, oh my god, they were sharing that, and so thank you, so NICs to you, like whatever, show the gratitude.
But at this person, So I stopped. I was like, Okay, why am I this person? I'm trying to.
Promote them and get them in the right and then they don't really promote me at all.
I'm like, what am I doing?
So I've I'm learning to read the room, and it's go, okay, this person likes me on some level, but they do not. They're not looking for the same type relationship that I am, obviously, And then so then that becomes appointing because you're like I was looking for a close friend. You know, for me, I've had close friends who died.
They're dead. We're always really close to you, they're dead. You know.
I have a couple that I have one friendship that I've had for thirty years, and this person is just neurotic it's a neurotic mess. Love them the pieces, but they stressed me the fuck out, I said, I can I can only deal with them a small does. Now I'm like, oh my god, I don't know what happened. We staying out together all the time, and as I'll stay too, you change me get older, it's used to change you more free change, and you have to let people be
who they are. So that's why I'm not fighting anybody. I'm not pushing anything by learning to like not push because pushing doesn't help either, and it's not I want people to come to me because they want to.
And so I was like, I'm just kind of letting.
I'm letting go, just going okay, if they ever want to see me, they'll call me or they won't.
If they're okay with the relationship.
The way I destroy relationship is then I feel okay with it. Two, I'm not going to I'm going to try to fuss and fight and.
You got on to go on, what's wrong. I'm not gonna do all that your girl. Folks, you know what you're doing or not doing. So we gotta let it go, right, we gotta let it go.
I know it's crazy, folks, I'm telling you there's someone's out there, the ones I talk to you out there who want close friendships the kind way you talk to you maybe almost every day, and you're very close. You do things again, you support each other, and you're there for each other like you want that. And I had to learn this from take care of my mom last year when I was caregiving. You have to meet people at the level of where they're at, where they're what
they're showing you. You have to see what they're showing you. And if they're showing you that it's an occasional relationship and that's not saying anything bad, but you're saying you're not gonna get what you want out of it. And that happens sometimes, right, So I was like, so, it's not.
A horrible thing. It's not bad, they're not bad people. It's so blame or anything.
It's just it's just that for you, the person who's looking for close ties and close relationships, you're losing out because you're not getting it.
Right. That's just the bottom line.
And actually it is disappointing and sad and depressing where you're like, God, I just want to close relationship and they just say they don't and they don't want to do it.
Or your folks should get to who get into you on.
Magic relationships and your friendship is now secondary.
I've had that several times.
Well I got I lost the friendship because of that, basically, but I have another One's like, well I check with them first, and I'm like, okay, great, But I'm learning.
And with some people, I just make show'em around.
They know I'm here and there, and then they may invite me somewhere sometime like oh I or they may call me or it text me and I didn't do it myself, like oh okay, and I take it. I don't get smart I'll get smart mouth. I just take it and see where it goes for what it it happens. There's certain people that I that I care about, but I just I've had to learn.
Now everybody is.
Looking for the same thing I'm looking for when it comes to friendship, and I have to I kind of have to like let it go. It's so tough those with certain people, cause you ain't like them and you see the potential and you're like, why you can't force somebody to be your friend or the kind of friend he wants.
You can't.
You can't force it. Why are you folks there? Who are you feel friendless or not? I'm enough friends. I'm sorry, I was second, I was I can to help you, but.
I can't.
This is fifty plus talking about friendships as you get older.
Mine