Ep. 18- Conflict Resolution at Work part 2

Hi everyone, welcome back to Five Minute Manager. This is Nina Helen and today I'd like to continue to talk about how to deal with conflict at work. So last week we discussed seven tips of how to deal with conflict, and we mentioned that this week will be part two. And so I'd like to give you those last seven tips. Um before we get into that though, let's review last week's seven points for how to deal with conflict.

Number one, don't get defensive. Number two, avoid blaming. Number three, listen actively. Number four, begin statements with I. Number five, contain your emotions. Number six, show you can compromise. And number seven, don't bat.

So now we'll go into tips eight through fourteen. Number one. Don't take things personally. Also a lot easier said than done, but our actions we like to believe are a reflection of ourselves. And so sometimes when our actions are challenged or questioned or criticized, we can get defensive. And that's very normal, we all do it. But if we can take a step back. And realize kind of objectively that we're talking about a matter at hand and it's not a personal attack.

Um or at least view it that way that it's not a personal attack. We can resolve conflict a lot faster. And that's essentially our goal. Like we mentioned last week, we want to resolve conflict. When conflict arises, we want to work through it as best as we can and resolve it as quickly as we can. And so if you can step back and just kind of view the situation as if it was happening to someone else, as if the the matter in question was talking about someone else.

It can be a lot easier for you to keep emotions at bay, not take things personally and resolve the conflict. All right, number nine. Pay attention to nonverbal communication. So sometimes people might say things that they don't necessarily believe, and they could do this for a bunch of reasons. They could do this because they don't like to deal with conflict at all and they just want it to end. They could do this because you might be a bit more superior and they're a bit.

scared of what the repercussions would be if they don't agree. There are a lot of reasons that people might not completely agree with you and pretend that they do. And so if you ask someone how they're feeling about something you settled on or something you discussed and they say, I'm okay. Read their body language, read their tone, that kind of tone that we just that in that example of the I'm okay, it's not really convincing. Um, it's it's not genuine

Um and and pay attention to that. Tune into the other person because like we said, we want to resolve conflict. And if you can pay attention to the other person, you can really figure out what's going on there so that you can come to a good resolution, a solid and strong resolution instead of something that's kind of just, you know, someone trying to avoid the conflict. Okay, so that's tip number nine. Pay attention to nonverbal communication. Number ten.

Prioritize resolving conflict over being right. And this one's also a bit tough because we like to be right. We like we said, we think of our actions and um kind of the resolutions that we find to be a reflection of us. We want our opinions. to be acknowledged as superior. And so that can be a little challenging when we are trying to resolve conflict because we are going to have to come to some sort of compromise.

Um and so the best way of doing this is to not think of yourself of a victim of compromise, you know, we're gonna have to find, we're gonna have to meet somewhere in the middle and I, you know, I just have to give up what I want in order to resolve this. Think of it for Think of the resolution that you find or if you are compromising on some things, think of it

for the greater good. Think that it's for the best um for your team and really for the best for you at the end of the day, that everyone feels a bit more settled and that there's a good um Compromise is not always something that takes away from what we need. Um, it can be something that really is good for the team and therefore good for us. So kind of think about it that way if you can. Um and So just to uh go over tip number ten, pr prioritize resolving conflict over being.

Okay, number eleven. Know when to apologize and forgive. So sometimes when conflict happens, it I mean nothing happens in a vacuum. Conflict can arise because Of something that was said or done, and maybe it was directed at you, and maybe it was hurtful on a personal level. Um and so it's it's a bit tough sometimes to put that aside. Um and it's sometimes hard to

think about it and think that you're going to forgive this person for what they did. Um and this is applicable of course in in a personal um situation as well. Um now we're talking about business, but it's, you know we are people and and emotions do um somewhat govern our lives and so it's it's tough sometimes to apologize and forgive. But when appropriate

Um, and when you are looking to resolve a conflict, when you're in a good place to resolve a conflict, it is better for you to do that. Um, it is better to to find some sort of resolution in the long run because we don't do well with conflict. People people who live in conflict live stressed and that's not a good way to work or live. Um and so it's better for you if you resolve the conflict. So when possible, apologize and try very hard to forgive.

I know that in my personal life when I had a bit of a stat with a friend a little while ago, she apologized first and all I wanted to see was just give her a hug and apologize back. And the same thing happened with another friend and you know I apologized and she apologized right back. Very often that's how it works. People just people do want to make up. They do want to find some sort of good resolution. So um keep that in mind. And if you apologize and forgive, they can probably reciprocate.

Okay, point number twelve. Focused on the present and not the past. So this I'm told is actually a tip for marriage. When there is conflict, you do not want to focus on what has gone wrong in the past. You want to focus on what is the matter at the past. Um and You wanna make sure not to bring up old things. Um make sure that if you are, if you do need to address something, you bring it up within 48 hours.

Um and not longer than that. Um, it just kind of disorients people and and throws people off and is not good for relationship building in a personal or professional setting. So make sure that you focus on the present and not.

Number 13, use humor when possible. A little bit of a distraction from the intensity of the conversation can be helpful. So if you're someone who is typically, uh does typically use humor in your daily conversation, feel free to do that as long as you are not um disregarding what they're saying and you're not kind of like heightening emotions.

Um, because typically humor can calm people down, it can just distract from the matter at hand and it could be helpful. So if you're someone that does use humor, feel free to do that in an appropriate way, um, you know, within discussion. And the last point, number 14, is remember the importance of the relationship.

And I know a lot of this sounds like personal kind of things, but like we said, a lot of personal relationships um do happen in work. We are humans and we do build relationships um based on emotions. Um Even if those emotions are, oh wow, I really appreciate the good work that you did. So just remember the importance of the relationship of the person that you are in conflict with.

Remember how important they are to your work, remember how important they are in the workplace in general to have them around. And so when you are resolving conflict, focus on those positives so that you can optimally resolve those conflicts that you're having. All right, so here we got 14 points. If you do need a little bit more detail about the first seven points that we went over really quick in the beginning of this podcast, you can listen to last week's podcast.

go into them in greater detail there. And hopefully these last seven tips were helpful as well. All right, everyone, thank you so much for tuning in. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. Thank you so much for listening to the Five Minute Manager. We would love to hear your feedback.

I am Josh Gottesman. Please send me an email, goddmanj at ou.org. We'd love to hear your thoughts. We'd love to hear your feedback. We'd love to hear a topic that maybe you would want us to cover. Thank you so much for listening.