Hello. Guess who's back. Back again. It's us. I'm Clarissa. And I'm Kourtney. Yep. Spoiler alert. She's Kourtney . I'm Clarissa. And this
is 30 Dirty and Dying. And I'm... personifying the show today are you dying i mean i'm fine i'm just i was up kind of late my sleep schedule this week's been really fucking weird had a migraine so i like stayed in bed all day the other day and they kind of like put me all out of whack so you're like you couldn't go to bed because you slept all day yeah it was like a whole thing yeah so i'm like kind of sleep deprived kind of not it it's a whole thing over sleep no sleep
yeah yeah it's pretty much my album cover so i'm gonna call my mixtape i love that thanks it's gonna go platinum I don't know what I would call my next tape. Crone's Knee. What? Crone's Knee. Like Courtney, but Crone's. Sure. Dead Mom's Club. Love it. Well, welcome to the 30 Dirty and Dying Club. We're your hosts, and today we're gonna embrace millennial chaos life and everything that it's done to us. And you worked really hard on this. I did. So we're gonna play
a game. And I know what you guys are thinking. Okay, fucking truth no dare. Ha ha. No, no, no. So this is inspired by the Game of Life. Remember the board game with the wheel and the cars and the, yeah. Yeah. So they have a card game version. So this is more inspired by that gameplay. Okay. But the vibe is just Game of Life. And I made us cards. And we're going to play the Game of Life, Millennial Chaos style. I'm excited. This is millennial -vide in just a few minutes, but
what do we have to do first, Courtney? First, we have to go back in time. Hell yeah! Back in time. Alright! Back in time. Alright! Where are we at? 2017! 2017. Um, so I don't know if this is why we did this. But in my mind, when we picked 2017, I was like, that works because that's the year that I graduated college. So I was like, okay, started my millennial game of life, you know, starting block. Right. There I was. I picked 2017 because, so the game of life itself. Yeah.
The actual board game added squares for acquiring pets in 2017. Oh shit. I didn't know that. I haven't played that game in like. They've been continuously updating it, adding things to it throughout the years. That's really cool. I haven't played it in forever. I had it. I don't know what happened to the actual board game I had, but I remember that I stopped wanting to play it because I would play with my dad and he would
cheat. I mean... He cheated at everything. The game of life, but also the real game of life. Yeah. My dad disappointed me. Three points. Um, but yeah, I remember I got all mad and I like didn't want to play it anymore after that. And I don't know what happened to the game. I'm sure like yard sale or something, but so that's fun acquiring pets. Yeah. But I also, you know, metaphorically or actually. Started my game of life because I got engaged to Mike in 2017. Fun. I love that.
I always forget when you guys got engaged. I remember you got married in 18, right? Yep. So you got engaged in 17. We went on our first cruise in 17. So it started it all. It started it all. Yeah. So you're 17. I graduated college. I got, you know, like my, well, I'd had my first full -time like industry job, but I advanced. I got to like really have my big girl job. I met Justin, you know, so it was like same deal. Yeah, same
deal. But did you have, what all did you have going on that you wanted to talk about for 2017? Well, I posted a couple funny things. Okay, hit me, I'm open. I posted, poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they're a solid number two. Of course you did. Of course you did. Something else that was like big in 2017, at least for me, LuLaRoe. What's that? It's an MLM. Oh, it's a pyramid scheme. It's a pyramid scheme. Got it. Okay. What do they sell? The leggings. Oh.
Isn't there one called Lemon? Lululemon. That's not a pyramid scheme. These are different people that make leggings. Yes. And they're both named Lula or Lulu. Lululemon is like sports or like, not sports, but like when you're working out, like gym attire, like athletic active wear. Thank you. You're welcome. Lularoe. was like, it started with leggings. Like they're buttery soft was what, I mean, they were actually very soft. I still have, I still have the leggings. Okay.
Um, they came out with other clothes like dresses and like shirts and like, it was like whole out. They still, it's still a thing. Ah. Um, but I posted about 80 % of my Facebook feed is LuLaRoe. I do not have a problem. I did. I did have a problem. You were in a pyramid scheme. I didn't sell it. You were a victim. I was a victim. I bought it. I buy it. I buy it. Well, I also, so, like, one of the LuLaRoe people that, like, I bought from, I offered to, like, help her.
That's how they get you. And then she, like, so, like, whatever hours that I worked, like, helping her, like, do whatever. Yeah. I would get clothes. I didn't get paid. But I got close, and I was like, I'm down. They paid you a merch. They paid me a merch, and I was about it. I have a ton of leggings. I have a couple dresses that I really like. Look at you, you little roadie. I know, right? I love to see it. I run. I ran
two 5Ks in 2017. Wow, look at you, bitch. One was in 56 minutes, which I was a little upset about. And then the second one was 48 minutes. I was a little upset about. I was because like you could you could like walk a 5k in like an hour. Somebody could, not me. I was a little disappointed. But then I ran my third 5k for in 48 minutes. I was listening to a podcast the other day and they talk about how this guy went missing during this like triathlon or something.
And he was just never seen again. And I was thinking to myself. Fucking me. Not because of, like, ooh, the spooks, but, like, I'd be 53 days behind everyone else. I'm not lost. I'll get to the finish line. It'll just be a fucking while. You know, you might want to leave and come back. And bring a pizza. Duh. Yeah. I also found out that Cheeto had kitty acne. Aww. His little cat knee. It's not as bad now. That's good. Yeah, like, sometimes I'll see it, like, it'll be in
his chin. Yeah, that's where they usually get it, right? Yeah, so, like, I'll, like, clean his, like, chin off and stuff like that. Yeah. But it hasn't been as bad as it used to be. Yeah, sometimes, like, Maisie gets it, but it's hard to tell because she has black fur. So it's, like, you can't really, but every so often I'll just wipe her chin. Well, he's white. Yeah. So you
can definitely see it. Yeah. I thought of him when, like, a year -ish ago, Vlad had this really weird, like, abscess on his chin that just popped up out of nowhere. And I thought it might be... Kitty acne, and I was talking about Cheeto because you told me about this. It wasn't. It was just like a dermatitis that he scratched at and got it infected. But, yep, it reminded me. I remembered Cheeto's wise chin words. Yep. I got my fourth tattoo. Ooh, which one was that? It was, oh,
shoot. Is that what it says? I just got my fourth tattoo. I wrote it. I didn't, like, I forget which one it was. I think it was my arm. You've got a couple on your arm. What are you talking about? I only have one on my arm. Don't you have... This one. Oh, I think it's more than one tattoo because it's kind of big. Oh, yeah. No, it's one. Okay. All of this stuff is different. Okay. But like this... Actual shoulder? Actual one. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the shoulder one is my
fourth one. Okay. But now I have 21. 21? 21. I love that. Um, it, the movie came out. I'm sure you were excited for that. I was. And then psych, the movie came out. I bet you were real fucking excited for that. Real fucking. I posted about it multiple times. I'm sure you did. I'm sure I saw it so many times. I'm just like, don't bother me. I'm going to be watching this movie. And that was like months beforehand. And I was like, it's coming out tonight. Leave me alone.
I bet I saw that and was like, where are we friends? Nobody's fucking bothering you, dude. Could you imagine if every time I went into a cave, I was like, don't bother me. No one's doing that. No one's bothering me, bitch. Well, I went through my Instagram for 2017. So this was in 2016. I had ended a live -in relationship. So toward the end of 16 and into 17, I had my own apartment for the first time in a couple of years. And it was this, like, tiny little shoebox of an
apartment. And the bathroom was all pink from, like, the 70s. I love that. And I had to sign this waiver that says, like, hey, please don't chew on the walls because lead paint. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it was, I think it's my favorite place that I've ever lived, like, by myself. Because it was yours. Yeah. It was mine. It was just me and Maisie, my cat. It was just us. It was, like, our little girl pad. And I just loved it. It was my favorite place I've
ever lived by myself. I think this is an unpopular opinion, but I love the old colorful bathrooms. Yeah. Like the tub, the sink, and the toilet are all like pink or green or blue. I love that. Yeah. The bath and the toilet were white, but all the tile was pink. From, like, the ceiling to the floor. And then the floor tile was a different tile, but it was pink. I think the reason I like that, the house that I grew up in, well, grew up for five years until my parents got divorced.
It was basically your childhood home. Blue. Really? See, my dad's parents, they had one of their bathrooms, and the one that we, like, used more often than not was, it was blue. And then his, actually, wait. I think they had some blue in that bathroom, but then his sister, her house also had like a blue bathroom. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of, but I feel like his mom's house also had some blue in one of the bathrooms too.
And I really liked the blue, although I was pretty convinced that my aunt's house was horrifically haunted. And I mean, it was, but. I got really into makeup. I love that for you. 2016, 2017, YouTube beauty influencers. I was all up on that train. But I do have some pictures of my apartment. I sent my mom this. She sent me something. I was telling her something about what was happening in my apartment, like something about maintenance. And she was like, well, that's ridiculous on
their part. And I literally said, I know, but it could be worse. I could be dead or something. So my, I have dark humor and I don't give a fuck who knows it, really came out hard. Tay Zonday, the Chocolate Rain guy, followed me on Twitter. Oh my God. And I posted about it on Instagram. Chocolate Rain? Yep. This was before the podcast, before I wrote a book. I was nobody. He just followed me on Twitter. I love that. Yeah. So Tay Zonday, way to go. This is a stupid picture,
but I feel like I need to. So I became a vegetarian in 2016. Well, first I was a vegan. That did not last. And then I became a vegetarian. So I started experimenting with tofu, right? So to eat tofu and to make it, you kind of need to get all the water out of it. Right. Most people have a tofu press. I was a broke college kid. I didn't have a fucking tofu press. Still don't. So I made one out of plates, the Bible, Edgar Allan Poe's Complete Works, and a Stephen King
book. I mean, honestly, those are all very heavy books. They are. They're the biggest books I own. Physically and also... Mentally. Yeah. They're all very heavy. I used the biggest books I had. Did it turn out good? It was okay. I think I have a picture of the... I've had tofu a couple times and I don't hate it. Ooh, fake salmon. That's what it looks like. No, it's just tofu with like a sweet and sour sauce. So I had that. I graduated college, like I said. They threw
me a little party at my job. Cute. I had little cupcakes. And I left that job and got like another job. So I moved back to our neck of the woods the first time. And they threw me a going away party. But I asked for not a cake. So they bought me a sandwich and put candles in it. Shout out Sheetz. Not sponsored, but it could be. I love Sheetz. Yep. The mac and cheese bites. Well, I do like I really want Sheetz now. We'll get
it later. Okay. If that's what you want. But yeah, so then I moved to my other apartment. I was dating Justin and he came to visit me. We were doing the long distance thing. So I have a lot of pictures of us and our little travels. Cute. It was a good year for me. Honestly, 2017 was a pretty good year. I'm not going to lie. 2017 was a good year for me too. I was in my skinny queen era. Love that. I know. Love that.
I wasn't. It didn't matter. I finally got to the point where I was like, I really don't care about my weight. I'm just happy. And if I'm healthy, I'm happy. I need to be like that. I need to do that. That's kind of where I've gotten. I'm not going to say I never have bad days. And I'm like, oh, I hate myself. I am lard. But everybody has those days. You know? Everybody makes mistakes. Yeah. Everybody has those days. Now, okay. Speaking of being fat. Yeah. My job, which, because it's
a new building. Okay. Okay. The gym finally has.
gym equipment fun and we can start using it without students nice so you better believe if i just disappear at like noon i'm down in the gym and i'm very excited about that gym class hero yeah because mike and i are going to epic universe in october okay and i gotta fit on all these rides fair enough like i know i technically will fit in them hey but it's just but i want to be i want to be comfy i don't want i want to enjoy the ride without like stressing or being sucked
in you know what i mean so because there's i've watched a few videos of like people um who are testing it for people who are yeah i follow um an account on instagram that does that um i forget what they're called but they like the plus size roller coaster queens or something yeah so there's this one guy who he's probably a similar size of Mike, like height and like weight wise, but he carries his weight lower, which is like me. Yeah. I got you. So like, cause Mike can fit
onto rides that I struggle with. Um, so this guy was like a mix between the both of us and he did fit on all of them. Yeah. But he was like, if you are uncomfortable, this ride will be uncomfortable for you. And I'm like, I gotta be a skinny legend by the time I get there. So by October, I would like to lose some weight. Okay. I like how we went from skinny legend to I'd like to lose some weight. Let's be realistic here. Yeah, no, it's funny. It's realistic. I like it. I mean, like
healthy wise. Let's do it healthy, yeah. And that's what I want to do. We can all crash diet it, but. I don't want to do that. So do you want to go out with some songs? Yeah, song. The billboards. I said song me up. Song me up. So number one on the billboards was Shape of You by Ron Weasley. Sorry, I always do that and I almost forgot to do it. Number two was Despacito. Despacito. The OG or Justin Bieber. This is the remix featuring
Justin Bieber. The original came out a couple years before and then it really... I love that song. I don't have the one with Justin Bieber. It's not my favorite. But, I mean, Daddy Yankee. I've been a Daddy Yankee fan since Gasolina. You know? I'm gonna Gasolina. Humble, Kendrick Lamar. Sit down. Yep. Be humble. Bad and Bougie by Migos. Oh, man. I haven't heard that song in a long time. Me neither. I haven't heard Migos in a long time, ever since the third one died.
Closer by the Chainsmokers. Okay. The one they did with Halsey. Yeah. I would listen to that constantly. I would always listen to this one radio station on my way to and from work at this paper I was working at, and they were in the same building as us. And I mean, it played like once an hour. It was on all the time, but I loved it. Congratulations by Post Malone. Remember when Post Malone did rap? Yeah. I don't know. Okay. So there is a concert that is Post Malone
and Jelly Roll. And I kind of want to go. I would go to that. Yeah. I would go to that. I'm not a big fan of Post Malone's like country music, but I respect it. It's fine. Yeah. But I like Jelly Roll. I love his voice. Yeah, he's good. It's just not like my favorite. Yeah. But. You know, it's fine. But I like Jelly Roll a lot. Shout out, Bunny. You're not listening to this, but if you were, hello. We love you. Cardi B, Bodak Yellow. I almost remember when she... I
wasn't into Cardi B then. I have... She's grown on me. Yeah, it took me about a year to get into... And it wasn't an active... I didn't, like, hate her. No. I just didn't start listening to the music. I thought she was trying to rip off... Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. And I did not like it. That was the beef, right? I mean, they have beef and... I'm not picking a side. I mean, okay. I like Cardi B. I like Cardi B's music. I think Cardi B is an excellent entertainer. I think
she's hilarious. Yeah. She's an excellent entertainer. I like a lot of her songs. I think Nicki Minaj is a better rapper. Yes. But I'm not like, it's not, to me, it's not that deep, but I'm not trying to get involved in the beef. Yeah. I'm just saying, I think Nicki Minaj is a better rapper. I really like Nicki Minaj, but I like Cardi B just fine. Yeah. I think I started actually, being a willing participant of her songs when I saw an interview and she was hilarious. And I'm like, you know
what? I do like her. Yeah, I remember. I had to like her as a person before I could like her as an artist. But I sought out her music, which I never did before. It was just like, it's on the radio. It's fine. It's catchy. It's whatever. But when she did that SNL appearance and she was pregnant for the first time and she sang that song, Be Careful, and... I liked the song when I saw it on SNL, so I sought her out. I realized I liked some of her music. Scars to
Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara. I don't know what that is. I remember the song, I feel like. I don't know the words, though. I can't. Hey, thanks for listening to 30 Dirty and Dying, the show for millennials by millennials. We get real about chronic illness, burnout, nostalgia, and why we aren't exactly thriving. If that sounds like you, join us every Thursday for new episodes. Now, back to the show. I based this, like I said,
inspired by the Game of Life. So the general concept is you have a set of circumstances that you're going to start out with. And we're going to draw Millennial Chaos Life cards. And they're all different cards mixed up in this. And they have different points, losses, gains, whatever. And then, so the way the card game works, the... Instead of, obviously there's no board. Right. So you can't win that way. Right. But they have
the word life in the cards. And you have whoever's the most points by the time the entire word is spelled out. Okay. Is the winner. So what I did was, as that is my inspiration, the year 2000 is hidden within the deck of Millennial Chaos life cards. So by the time the last zero. of 2000 is drawn. Whoever has the most points at that point wins. Okay. Fair? Have you, um, so there's an adult version of Game of Life. It's called Fuck Life or F Life. I don't think I'm
aware. It's hilarious. Okay. Uh, recommend. All right. And there's like a bunch of like, um, packs that go along with it. Like expansion packs kind of deal. Fun, fun, fun. Okay. I'm sorry. I just thought of that while you were saying Game of Life. So we're going to start with Relationship cards. Okay. Family cards and career cards. Okay. So what I'm going to do, I'm making this because
I do think it's life's all about choices. So I'm going to give each of us two cards of these and then you can pick which one you want to move forward with. Okay. Now there are cards in the chaos deck that might change your story. I love that. At some point. Okay. But this is where we're going to start. There are a lot more career cards because, again, there might be switcheroonies. I love a switcheroon. So I'm actually going to give us three career cards because I feel like
it's fair. You go first. Okay. So I picked for the family card. Okay. Dual income, no kids. Nice. I didn't even look at points for all of these. I just did it for fun. That's okay. We'll, we'll add them up. Relationship card, happily married. Okay. And career, storm chaser. Love that. Okay. So the point value, just to, so the point value with the, with the, uh, the, the relationship and the kids ones are all pretty equal. Cause I feel like we should not be judged
for our choices or our family. There's slight deviations in them, but. Think of it like tax breaks. Right. Um, so, and then, so for the job ones though, I tried to base it off like income a little bit, like what you might make more money
with. Yeah. Except for. hidden within here and they could be in my deck right now i don't know i haven't looked at my cards yet are our actual jobs and i made those worth the most points okay even though they are not in real life but it's our game i mean i'm not making awful money right no but i mean it's probably making more than doctors right so but in this game we do yeah but it's just like a point value right i just thought it'd be fun uh i'm a lawyer whoa I'm
happily unmarried. Okay. Which I am. And my family card is the only thing you have to keep alive are plants. Love that for you. I'll take it. So... I have 160 points. You have 160 points to start. Yep. Awesome. And I have... So I have 160 points to start out. Oh, look at us. We're tied. Twinsies! So the rest of the game is we're just going to draw the Millennial Chaos life cards. And then, like I said, some we might have to switch some things out. Okay. Start your first
card. When life hits, you paid off or had your student loan debt forgiven. Gain 50 points. Awesome. So Courtney's up to 210. When life hits. Oh, no. Oh, no. You've been diagnosed with a chronic illness that has onset after age 30. Lose 25 points. I did. I did have a chronic illness after I turned 30. Although I had it before. I just didn't know about it. Yeah, but you've been diagnosed is what it says. Actually, I lied. I was under 30 when I found out. I mean, all mine started
before I was 30, but whatever. All right. The cat distribution system has chosen you. Gain 30 points. Ah, look at you. Oh, man, you are running away. You're 100 points ahead of me right now. Woo! Millennial milestone. Inner child. You found something you've always wanted for sale on the internet. Decided to nurture your inner millennial child. Gain five points and take an extra turn. Fun. So, five points. Fuck. Oh no, your biological clock is ticking. Take
some time to mull over your decisions. Lose a turn or pick a new family card. I think I'm going to pick a new family card. Okay. Cat or dog parent. Yay. Add 40 points. Hell yeah. Well, I guess it's add five points. Yeah. Because it's five different than my other. Yeah. But still. Yeah. I prefer this. All right. So you go two times in a row because I'm. Well, no, it said or. Oh. Then you just go one time. You were so productive today. Like, actually, extra turn. So you're
right. I do get to go twice. There you go. See, I know what's going on. The first zero. I got the first zero. You can pick again. Okay. Oh, oh, it's magic. The algorithm has changed in your favor and you're verified as an influencer. If you're an influencer, gain 75 points. If you're not, pick another card. But if you're not an influencer... Oh, is that a career card? Yeah. Okay. So if you're an influencer... So then I
pick another card. Yeah, you can put that one back in the deck, though, because you might become an influencer. See, I really tried to make these, like, game cards. All right. You found this awesome Millennial Chaos podcast, but you didn't leave a five -star rating review. Lose 20. Oh, Courtney, how dare you not leave us a review? Everyone that's listening to this, please leave us five stars. Yeah, leave us a rating. Leave us a review
or you're going to lose 40 points. I know it said 20, but I'm going to make it 40 because double time. Well, just for you guys. I only lose 20. Yeah. Learn from our mistakes. You used a Gen Z slang term correctly on the first try. Gained 15 points. Hell yeah. I feel so special. What Gen Z slang term did you use? Probably my favorite one right now is, not right now, my favorite one of the last few months is let them cook. I love that. Let them cook. Let them cook.
All right. Unprecedented times. Ah, beans. I don't remember writing that. Ah, beans! You're now living through another recession. In the words of Deji Khaled. What did I say? I know I spelled it right. You did, but what did I just say? Deji. Okay, Mr. Flexio. In the words of Deji Khaled. Another one. Lose 50 points. Oh, no! True to life, though. Alright, now we are only 10 points apart. You're still ahead, but when life hits. I see a cruise ship on that.
PTO party. You're going on a cruise. Gain 35 points. Yay. Are you going on a cruise with me? Yeah, I'll take you with me. I meant in real life. Are you going on a cruise with me? No. I don't want to do this. I made that card hoping you would get it. Well, now you got it, so you have to go on a cruise with me. Fine, I'll go on a cruise with you, but, like, I don't know. Just pick a good one. Millennial milestone. Could
it be millennial homeownership? Let's see. If you have a total of 175 points or more, here are the keys to your new home and 50 extra points. If you have less than 175 points, keep renting, but collect 35 extra points. You only have 170 points. 160, 170. With all the cards. I've been keeping track the whole time. I know, but I'm just double checking. Okay, fine. Put that one back in the deck. But did I get my 35 points? Yeah, I added it. So if you get that card again
soon. Without, you know, crazy stuff happening. All right. You deserve a little treat, TBH. Gained five points. I love that. Just a little treat. So, 200. Another millennial milestone. Burnout, bitch. Burnout has finally caught up with you and you have to make a change. Grab a new career card. I would never, ever get burnout at being a storm chaser. Well. Too bad. Here's your career card. You can give them a shuffle and pick a good one. Boo, you whore. I'm a park ranger.
Nice. Okay. My turn. God damn it. Come on. When life hits, your favorite band is going on a comeback tour and you can afford tickets. Gain 15 points. Yay. Green Day. Yes. Although they never left. They were just, they just played at Coachella. Oh, did they? Awesome. When life hits, you slept on your neck wrong. Lose a turn. Okay. Rip. Rip! You lose. You lose! You made it through the Oregon Trail with minimal loss of life. Gained 25. You made it across the river. Hell yeah, for the
first time ever. The two. We've only got two zeros left. Your favorite nostalgic snack is coming back on the shelves for a limited time. Gain 15 points. Oh my god, that's how I felt when Dunkaroos came back. Absolutely. Mine was the Oreo O's cereal. Because I used to fuck that up as a kid. I loved it so much. I never really had that type of cereal. I rarely did because my mom was like, you can't be fat. But a few times when I got it and... I was about to say
that. I'm like, grandma's like, get some special cake. Yeah. We're doing the special K challenge as a family. Unprecedented times. It's election season and experts are calling this one unprecedented. You lose hours doom scrolling and become overwhelmed with existential dread from following the polls. Lose 20 points. Okay. Oh, I got an unprecedented times too. Fuck. Weather event. Global warming probably. Lose 35 points. I mean, yeah. I tried to make these like funny. Okay. Work sucks. I
know. Lose five points. Work sucks. Forgot I made some of these. Work sucks. Why though? I made some of these, like some of them are real life things and I based them on song lyrics. I love that. It's gonna get weird. Um. Oh no! Then life hits. Due to gestures wildly, your department has been downsized and you're being laid off. Lose 50 points and draw a new career card. You can read it if you like. I literally put gestures wildly. How many points? Lose 50
points? Lose 50 and get a new career. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Don't worry. Well, I guess I couldn't hack it as a lawyer either. You're in the lead again. Marine biologist. Woo! Fun. So now I'm a marine biologist. We've only got one zero left? One zero. Shit. Okay, when life hits, you're on a road trip and you pass a mansion in Wisconsin. Gained 15 points? Hell yeah. I love the mansion in Wisconsin. Who doesn't? Do you like how I said it? Because I do. That's why I wanted you
to say it. He was also playing at Coachella. Amazing. This is another lyric one, and I really enjoy that I did this. Suddenly, there's hateration and holleration in this dancery. Lose 15 points. Mary J. Blige. Oh. Don't need no hateration, holleration in this dancery. Let's get it percolating. Right? Is that the word? I think so. Cool. Yeah, okay, I got it right. All right, go ahead. You successfully spiced up your life. Gained 15 points. Spice up your life. Spice up your life. People
of the world, spice up your life. Oh. Step into the left if you're having a good time. Shake it to the right if you know that you're feeling fine. Shake it to the front. Go around. Thanks for listening to 30 Dirty and Dying. We really appreciate your support, and if you want to keep up with everything we're doing both on and off the air, you can find information at the link in our bio on TikTok and Instagram at 30dirtyanddying. We've got affiliate links if you want to support
the things we're doing outside the show. You can get in touch with us, find playlists that we've made, and everything else that you need to keep up with your favorite millennial podcast. Now, let's get back to the show. Steve from Blue's Clues just made a video that made you feel like life is worth living again. Gained 20 points. Thank God. I'm so glad Steve listens, you know? Me too. I just like, he's like, hi, what's on your mind? And he just listens. And I start talking.
I don't even realize I'm doing it. I just like his face. I love everything about him. He makes life feel like it's worth living again. Juliet checked yes, so run, baby, run. Gained 15 points. I'm so funny. Run, baby, run. Don't ever look back. I love that song so much. Wow, okay, here we go. I think this might be the last lyric one. They all got clumped together for some reason. You went crazy, but good news. They still call you Superman. Gained 15 points. If I go crazy,
then will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there? Hold my hand. I'll take you by my side with my superhuman, my aching kryptonite. Way to go. All your toiletries have run out at the same time. Lose five points. Fuck. I saw that kind of inspired by, I saw this meme the other day and it was like, you'll be fighting for your life financially and all your toiletries will run out at the same time. And it's true. Millennial milestone. Burnout, bitch.
Burnout has finally caught up with you and you have to make a change. Grab a new career card. It's very true to life. I'm a writer and it's the real career. So it's worth a hundred. You get your real career. I'll give you the points too. Okay. So I'm going to give myself 60. So I'm going to give myself 40 points. Okay. So if you get yours, I'll give you the difference also. Yes. We're still only 15 points apart though. Um, do I have 175 points? You have 220. Woo!
I own a home. I get 50 extra points. Amazing. Amazing. Hot new trend. Millennial milestone. Reboot me, daddy. Oh. Hollywood is rebooting your favorite early 2000s movie, but it's not living up to the hype. Take some time to rewatch the original and skip your next turn. Go ahead. Go ahead. More unprecedented times. Political pandemonium has created, you guessed it, an unprecedented situation. Apparently World War III is being started. Chaos and dread ensue. Lose 40 points.
Ugh. We are only five points apart now. But you get another turn. Another unprecedented times. Fuck. Oh, beans. Another. Another. It's the same thing. It's the same part. I made more than one because we've been through so many recessions. Okay. Well, DJ Khaled said another one and I lose 50 points. Oh, no. All right. Oh, beans. Millennial milestone. Level up love. You're feeling like it's time to take your relationship status to the next level. If you're married, if you're.
If you're married, extra 10 points or you can draw a new relationship card. If you're unmarried, extra 10 points or you can draw a new relationship card. If you're single, you draw a new relationship card or take an extra turn now. I'm happily unmarried. I'm going to stay happily unmarried. So 10 more points. Okay. Next level. Another one. Another one. I like to keep those ones vague because, like, another level could mean a lot of things. Why do I keep getting the unprecedented times?
Do a shuffle. Do a shuffle. It's fine. I don't know. Some of them, they just got clumped up, I think, when I dropped them. So... I'm like, that's three unprecedented times in a row. I'm already depressed. I mean, it's pretty accurate, but I'll let it... I'll watch it be an unprecedented time. It might be. I don't know. Is it really? Okay, you can't. Again, that's your own fault. Global warming! 35? Yeah. The existential dread and burnout have caught up with you. Lose a turn.
You get two turns. Alright, two unprecedented times. Let's go. Well, might as well. You have two, yeah. There you go. Alright. The algorithm has changed your influencer income, has dwindled to almost nothing. If you're an influencer, lose 75 points. If not, pick another card. Okay. Oh my gosh, influencer. A real... A reel or TikTok has made you gone viral. Gain 30 points or gain 70 points now and trade in your career card to
be a full -time influencer. So you can just gain 30 points, yay, enjoy the viral moment, or you can gain 70 points, but you also have to change your career to be a full -time influencer. Is full -time influencer more points? It's 70, so you'll get 70 right now. Okay, I'll change my career card. Okay. I'll be a full -time influencer. All right. So you, I don't think I made an influencer career card, but just you're an influencer. Just know that you're an influencer. And my other.
It was 70 points, right? Yeah. I got it. I got it. I got it. Well, I've been keeping everything separate so I can recount. No, I got it. I just, I got it. But thank you. And when life, I have a white, when life hits card, you made a breakthrough in therapy. Now you can answer the question. Why am I like this? Gain 20 points. Awesome. Someone reminded you how long ago the 90s actually were. You need time to reflect. Fuck. All right. Burnout bitch. So I guess I'm not an influencer
anymore. Nope. So you can pick a new career card. And I will give you a point differential. I'll give you whatever the points are for this. I am a successful artist. Points is that. 85. Man, you just broke 300. Whoa. And then you lost a turn, right? Yeah. When life hits, you make the perfect nostalgic playlist that gets you through another week. Gain five points. Amazing. Amazeballs. Hell yeah. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. You're so cool. Extra turn. That's
it. This is the end. This is the zero. 2000. We went to the year 2000. Y2K is hit. Y2K is hit. You win. by a long shot. Courtney 320, me 245. Yes. Do you want to read through the rest of my cards? I do. Okay. Weather event, probably global warming. Like I said, there were a couple unprecedented times. You cried a river and drowned the whole world. Lose 15 points. A global health crisis has interrupted all life as we know it. Prepare for the worst and maybe re -download
TikTok. Lose 65 points. Congrats, you got a promotion at work. Fight burnout and get this bread or whatever. Gain 25 points. You're finally beating 90s 2000 diet culture. You ate a sandwich with regular bread and didn't feel guilty. You know, I've never felt guilty about eating regular bread. Good for you. Oh no, one of your bills unexpectedly goes up this month. Lose 7 points. That's random. I know. That could have made the maker break. When life hits, good news, mercury is out of
the microwave and you're feeling flirty. And you're feeling flirty and thriving for a while. Gain 20 points. Hit play. Your favorite movie is finally on streaming services again. Gain 15 points. All that LimeWire downloading caught up with you and you need to pay a fine. Lose 15 points. It's 30 time! You're officially in your 30s. Collect an extra 55 points regardless of your current life because 30 is when you realize life never goes according to plan plus everything's
made up and the points don't matter. What are we? Anyways, can I read the careers? Yeah, go for it. You can read the rest of it if you want. There's the careers and here's the family cards. So we have a banker, a security guard, a farmer, office administrator, a registrar. That was the hundred. A lawyer. Lawyer. HR professional. Shout out HR besties and Jamie. Journalist. I like how you forgot to put journalist on it. I was just blocking it out. Graphic designer. Cosmetologist.
Paleontologist. Car salesperson. Warehouse supervisor. IT guy. Storm chaser. Park ranger. Marine biologist. Hell yeah. So for the family cards, we also had Fun Ant. Mm -hmm. Congratulations, it's a human child. Oof. House full of kids. Oof. And then the relationship cards, you could have also been Single and Looking. It's Complicated. Hi, I'm Bob. And then Single and Not Looking. Hey, Hasbro. I know you're listening. Yeah, get over here. We have a Millennial Life game. I think it would
be fun. We can play F Life, because that's... Maybe we'll do that next. Maybe. So I hope you guys have enjoyed the game. And if you. I won. I won at life. Courtney wins at life. That's a first. Did I tell you that? I told you, but listeners, my therapist in my last session. Oh, yeah. You've got to tell the story. Sidebar. Real quick. Please tell the story. She doesn't know how to help me. She literally looked at me and said, I don't know. Text me about this.
I think right after it happened, it seemed like. I don't know. Yeah, probably. So, please explain, because you have to. Okay, so I have a severe phobia of throwing up. Which you should know if you listen to the show literally at all. It comes up surprisingly a lot. Yeah, so more recently... I was taking my pill. I already, like, my whole life I've struggled with taking pills. But I feel like I've gotten better at it. Sure. Because,
you know, medicated now. You have to. I have to take pills all the time, which sucks, but whatever. I choked on a pill in the morning. Gagged. Panicked. Stopped taking it for a couple days. That's your, like, how you respond. Oh, no. I shouldn't take this anymore. Not like, man, I should really get my throat figured out. So I went to my therapist to talk to her about this. And she asked me, like, what about the choking is what scared me? And I was like, the
fear of throwing up. Not dying. Because I could almost understand if you were like, oh my god, I thought I was going to die. No, you just didn't want to puke. And I... Looked at her straight in the face and was like, gun to my head. Like, I'm not lying. I said this to her face. Gun to my head. If someone said I will shoot you or if you or if you don't throw up, I wouldn't have to think about it. Shoot me. And she was like, you know what? I don't know, but she did look
up my Wellbutrin that I'm on. She was like, that does come in a liquid form. And I'm like, okay, I'll have to talk to my doctor about that. Um, but she says she wrote it down and she was like, I'm going to look into this. I'm like, okay, cool. Love that. But yeah, my therapist doesn't know how to help me. I have a severe phobia of throwing up. I cannot do it. I would rather die. Here's the thing. I, for the longest time, and I even called it a phobia, I don't believe that
it is a phobia anymore. I think this is a compulsive thing. I really do. Because the way you're describing it is like, it's more than fear. It's like... It's insane. It's insane. I'm not trying to judge you, but I guess I am. Like, I've never... It sounds like how I feel with, like, my obsessive compulsive stuff. Like, if I don't do this or if this happens or whatever, we will all die. And it seems like that's what you're doing over
the vomit. I don't know. But I love that you're gonna maybe be able to make antidepressant smoothies. Sick. But also, just a general... tip maybe for anybody out there, maybe don't use the phrase gun to my head. In therapy? Yeah. As a, as a vet here, I wouldn't, it's, it's. She seemed okay. I think you just took her by so much surprise with what you said after. If it had been anything she'd been willing to dance with, but like, yeah, I would maybe not recommend saying, using that
analogy in therapy, maybe ever, but okay. Well, she does, I'm not, um. I don't know that you're not anymore. Not what? Throwing up happens every day. I don't know if you're gonna throw up and then immediately commit suicide. That's what it sounds like you're saying. I could see - No, I said I'd rather kill myself than throw up. Not throw up then kill myself. But the logic of that tells me that if you fail - Anyways. Courtney won at this game of life, but she's
not winning the others, apparently. And she even has played therapy card and it's not helping. At least not with that. Not with that. Not with that. I don't think anything will help that. So we'll have to report back. You're going to have to report back to me. I need to know how this shakes out. Yeah, it's a few weeks before I have my next session. We only do it once a month. Well, I can't wait to hear. You know, let's all send Courtney our good vibes to not
vomit so that we can keep doing the show. All right, we'll see you guys next time, hopefully, unless Courtney throws up. Bye! Hit me in my giggle dick.