Hey, what's going on everybody? I'm Courtney.
Hello, I'm Courtney. and welcome back to our channel it's 30 dirty and dying yep you're listening to a podcast right now maybe you're here on purpose maybe you click this shit on accident but either way welcome you're starting off strong i'm ready to start off strong well this is an episode about dying and we're 30 and dirty and dying yep every episode is about dying a little bit but this episode is really about inside we're always dying a little bit yep that's why we started the podcast
yeah yep so i'm chorissa i'm corny Let's fucking get it started hot. Let's get it started hot. Let's get it started in here. Come on. Come on. I don't know. Okay. We're doing dumb ways to die. So today, um, we're gonna die live on the air. Bye. Courtney, this was, you really, um, came up with some of the framework for this episode that I completely ignored, but what do you mean? You said you had an idea about like you came up with like thousand ways to die and those connections.
My only thought. Yeah. I had one single singular thought cell in my head. I had none. I looked up the show thousand ways to die. And fun fact, I figured out that it was canceled because like the actors and like the writers went on strike and they just stopped it. It's an acceptable loss. Look, I watched it, but it wasn't that fucking great of a show. I watched it. every time it was on TV. I don't think I did that.
But I can see how when you're coming back from something like a strike and just being like, nah, fucking forget it done. Yeah. Like if you were doing a project at home and you were like, I got to give up one of the final death on the show. There's yikes. The show's death the thousandth way. Anyways, I figured I would just reminisce. Yeah, on the episodes of 1000 ways to die. I have like 20 that I wrote down of like funny,
funny. Yeah. Dying is not funny. Okay, part of what we do on this show though, and we always we try to do an episode every season or every seasons a lot of what we do given the name is like we're trying to destigmatize the conversations around aging and death and and and make it less Taboo to like get older to talk about just like hey, we all die at the end of this Let's stop pretending that we don't so a lot of times the way we do that though, especially when it comes
to death is jokes comedy like dark humor about it. So this is just one of those examples, like we're trying to destigmatize the conversation around death. But we're also just having a good time and trying to find ways to laugh at the inevitable. And we're all gonna die. Yeah, not take ourselves too seriously. Because this is just one of those things that is I mean, we all got to eat and we're all gonna die. True that.
But really quick disclaimer, if for some reason you are the Family member to the people who died the way that Courtney's about to say or like I took a little bit of a different spin on it But like anything that we say if some I almost said if you or someone you know died Well, you wouldn't be listening shout out ghosts No, if someone you know died this like we're not making
fun of your loved one. No, we're making fun of ourselves more than anything about, like, how this shit could happen to us or, like, how terrible we could be at dying. See, so when I, like, picked them, I tried not to pick the ones that, like, made sense. Yeah. I tried to pick the ones that were, like, either funny or, like, wild. Yeah. And so, like, what I did was I have a few that
I remember from the show. Basically what I tried to do with those and then with just things that I came up with from other, like, crazy death scenes or... content that I have favorite death scenes from movies. Yeah, I took some stuff from Final Destination movies because those deaths are always like wild great. And I just sort of was like pulling the thread of this isn't the overall theme, but it was kind of became what are some ways that I'm maybe I could probably
die that stupid because I'm an idiot. So like, if for some reason, anything that one of us says or that I say is like the way that someone you love died, I'm not making fun of them. Absolutely not. I'm making fun of myself. So that's what we're doing. but first we gotta go back in time before we go really far forward or not even that far who knows that's the funny thing about death it just happens yep back in time all right Back
in time. All right. Yeah, we're in 2008, which is when a thousand ways to die aired Yep, so I guess we can we can say some TV shows. Yes, you got them True blood know the vampire show never watched really the year of the vampire because we all know Twilight came out You don't need to talk about it again. Yeah, we talked about it a lot. It's my fault guys the 90210 reboot, okay The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Oh my god. We fully relived that several
seasons ago. Go check it out. It's one of my favorite episodes. I listen to it all the time. It's so bad. I mean, our episode was fucking good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The episode was great. The show was terrible. The show was awful. Ghost Adventures. Oh shit, Ghost Adventures? Zach Baggins. Oh man, I love the TikToks where people like pretend to be him. It's so funny. I've seen a lot. Ben 10, Alien Force. I never watched it. I don't think I did either but like I know what
it is. I was starting to like get out of that phase I think. Yeah, Suite Life on Deck. I did watch that. Several Real Housewives franchises. I never watched those. My meemaw really liked them. She liked New York and New Jersey. I was never into like the reality TV shows. I was into some. That was never my bag. It's theatrical. It's not my favorite. The Mentalist, Wipeout. Oh shit, Wipeout? Yeah, where they bounce on those balls. Yeah. Between two ferns with Zach
Galifianakis. He does those interviews. 2008? Yeah. You should be off -putting. Celebrity family feud. Oh god, there was something called Two Girls, One Cup, The Show. Oh, I'm like, I've watched Two Girls, One Cup. Yeah, no, we all did. We all got assaulted with that shit. The Show? They made a show. No fucking, you're shitty my dick right now. Okay, I'll just read you the whole thing. Two Girls, One Cup, colon, The Show.
tv series 2008 based on the infamous internet video the series of shorts following the adventures of a cup living with two girls and sherman oaks did not go well i literally have no words two episodes one cup those were some shows a lot of shows um so i was just checking out my facebook because i think i got a facebook in 2007 oh yeah i didn't have a facebook yet um now if we could open quizilla or um secret my space that i use
for my friends then maybe by a .m We can blow the sucker wide open but I cannot contribute I got Guitar Hero World Tour. Fuck yeah. That's my post. I just said got Guitar Hero World Tour. That's enough. To explanation marks. I love to hear it. Happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame. It was it was the the feeling or the
the season of Courtney is blank. Yeah, because the Facebook status is used to be and they still were like this when I got a Facebook Yeah, years later you it was like a math lab You filled in the blank right Clarissa is Courtney is and then you you said whatever I wrote is feeling sick dot dot dot still sad face Oh is working tonight blah I'm surprised you didn't give everybody your entire fucking schedule is bored with a lot of O's is chillin wit my homies home skillet
biscuit is jamming is jamming Oh me and my when you had your movie theater polo movie theater polo. Yep, is Chalaxin. Oh, what a word. What a word. Yeah. Oh my god. So I'm assuming you're at a football game in this beautiful picture that you're gonna have to send me so we can put it on the Instagram. Yes, I was okay. It was homecoming. Oh, I've you know, my first round of Facebook pictures again, a couple years later,
were from the homecoming game at my school. And it was the only football game I ever went to. was the homecoming game my freshman year. I let somebody draw on my face, but it wasn't like the foot. It wasn't like the battle lines. It was just like, yeah, is doing homework, then work from six to 12. Text it. Yeah, you always gave your schedule out. It's so wonder you didn't. Dumb ways to die. It's a wonder you didn't get murdered. Yeah, well, whatever. Yeah, I love
that picture of me. Your little arms. I know I had such little arms. I thought I was so fat in this picture. Fuck me. That was my whole vibe in 2008. Is doing laundry and all that jazz. All that jazz. And then my first ever post in 2008 was just a picture of me and I said, I like this one. I like it. It's cute. Yeah. Your hair was very brown. I mean, I used to dye it. To be brown? Multiple colors. Oh. I loved this picture.
It's a cute picture with a scarf. A scarf and a Santa hat and I threw that snow up, by the way. It was not snowing in that picture. Wait. You vomited? Like I threw the snow in the air. Oh. So like you could see the snow and like everything. I literally just thought that was like flash from a digital camera. I didn't think that was. Oh my God. Behind the scenes 2008. You want to know some songs that were fucking popping? Yeah, pop off. Lollipop. Lollipop. Nope, that's not
it. I know one that I always say and I'm never going to stop fucking saying it. 303. Don't Trust Me. That was one of my... If you guys listened last week to Millennial Music Trivia Lyrics Edition, one of the songs I did not get to, I had the first line, which is... Do you know the first line of Don't Trust Me? No. Black dress with the tights underneath. I got the breath of a last cigarette on my teeth and she's an actress. But she ain't got no need. She's got money from
her parents in a truss on back ease. T -t -t -t -tongs. Pocket Full of Sunshine. I got a pocket. I got a pocket. I got a pocket. I love E .Z .A. It's such a good movie. Closer by Neo. I don't know if I know that off the top of my head. Uh, No Air by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown. I loved that song. I'm supposed to breathe with no air. That's the only part I think I know though. Love in this club. Love in this club. Ush. Yeah. Ush ush. That was, this is like the year of Homecoming.
Yeah, I remember a lot of the like, this was this was a big year for the pop culture and I was like fully in it as a teen. Viva La Vida from Coldplay. I used to rule the world and I gave the world now in the morning I sleep alone. Yep. Yep. That's all I got. Amelie. Amelie, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie. Yep. Yep. Good call. Good call. Miss Independent by Neo. Big year for Neo. Neo was really going
places. Neo go places. fall for you by secondhand serenade you know that song now yeah well when you said neo go places i was thinking of like hot to go but n -e -y -o -g -e -o neo maybe we don't do that okay yeah womanizer britney speed womanizer womanizer you're a womanizer babe used to you i'm used to you right woman as a woman as a woman as a boy you tried to front I know just just what you are. She's doing the choreography. I know just just what you are. You! You! Courtney's
doing choreography. Just dance. I love that game. Well, in my life in 2008, I can tell you said a little bit about your life, how to look out of mine. I was full blown emo. My favorite pair of pants was a pair of dark purple skinny jeans. I too had a pair of dark purple skinny jeans because Bob said his favorite color was purple. I'm surprised you didn't paint your whole fucking body. And I said, I need to wear things that are purple. So I went to Oh, fuck, what's that
store? I got mine from I believe they came from Delia's. Oh, see, I didn't not Delia's. It was Delia's still around. Not forever 21. What's the Rue21? Yes, thank you. I got a lot of my clothes there as well. What's the cheap Forever 21? That's the one I went to too. Rue21. Yep. Was Delia still around? I don't think so. Then why do I feel like I got them? I remember I went to Delia's once and I got my favorite Zippa putty
that had thumb holes. I never went to the store, but we would get the we will get the catalog for me. Let me see. As a retail store, they went out in 2015 is when they went to Funk. So they might have still been around because I really feel like Yeah to the early 2010s. They were an independent retailer and direct marketer. So in 2007 2008 I was probably still able to get the catalogs and I had a pair of purple skinny jeans I also had a pair of sequined black Chuck
Taylors. Yes. I also had a pair of white ones with multicolored stars all over them that I fucking still wish I had I wore arm socks a lot And gloves. I never did. Yep, I did. I had a bang that really wasn't a bang. I just parted my hair stupid like Amy. I didn't have the bang. I didn't have the bang. I never had bangs. But I parted my hair like Amy Juergens entered the chat, you know. Um, I started wearing thicker and thick rimmed glasses for the first time.
Because before that, my mom wanted me to wear glasses that looked like I wasn't wearing glasses and I hated them. She didn't want me to have to wear glasses. And I was like, this is all I've ever wanted. So if she didn't want you to wear glasses, then just contacts. Oh, no, I couldn't
do that. uh she tried um okay i would i couldn't put him in she took me for a consult a consult for lasik when i was a teenager which i did not want i was like i i don't want lasik and the guy went to and but she made me go because she was like you should you shouldn't wear glasses and your eyes are really bad and i don't know so the guy went to put like the dye in my eye yeah and i kept jumping off the chair because i didn't want them to touch my eyes. I don't
like that. And then he was like, okay, I feel like because you're having a really hard time with this, I know you might want to get LASIK, but I don't know that you're a great candy. And I went, I don't want it. She wants me to get I fully just like mutiny on my mother in that moment. I was like, I don't want LASIK. She wants me to get it. She made me come here. I don't want to do this. Yeah, so get out. But yeah, I was full blown emo. My binder had Twilight
all over it because Twilight came out. Should we go out with movies? Yeah. Wall -E. Wall -E. Taken. I have a very particular set of skills. Mama Mia. Here I go again. Dark Knight. Okay. Iron Man. Yes. Here's your shit. Hulk also. Okay. Yep. There it is. Step brothers. Do we just become best friends? Yeah, all this is because I started working at the movie theater. Yeah. So all this I'm like, Yep. Yep. Yep. The strangers that terrible fucking movie that the the you have the masks.
Yeah. Pineapple Express. Oh shit. I had a poster of that. I'm sure you did. That makes perfect sense actually. Um, Ponyo. Okay. Little fishy fish. Yeah. Madagascar escape to Africa. Secret
life of bees. Bees. Bees. not the bees angus thongs and perfect snogging what a way to go what a way to go you're listening to 30 dirty and dying where we might not be flirty or thriving but we're 30 and trying keep listening and check out all our episodes on life love death and more um so like we said at the top we're gonna just talk about dumb ways to die and we both interpreted that different ways some based heavily on media from the 2000s So Courtney, why don't you kick
us off because you really hit the thousand ways to die thing. What I really liked are the titles of these deaths that really got me. So this one's called Love Bugged. Is it an STD? No. So it's bitten by his pet black widow spider, Elvira, and killed by neurotoxin when it gave him a heart attack. One would say, why is that dumb? Because one, you had a fucking pet spider. I was gonna say this is entirely your fault for having a pet black widow spider. Right. Right. That's
your fault. Yep. That's like, oh my god, I fell on my collection of anthrax. Why do you have a collection of anthrax? I just think anyone who has like - Poisonous animals? Is dumb. Yeah, it's like, dude, don't do this. No. It's the same, I feel the same way about people who have like, like tigers and shit. That should be illegal. It is for a lot of us. But like, I will use this
as a jumping off point. Okay. A way that I would probably die that's pretty dumb is getting mauled by a wild animal I'm trying to befriend because that would happen. Because they look so cuddly. And I believe - Like you just want to cuddle the big kitty. I believe fully in my heart, white woman logic, that I could make any animal love me and that I know that I am just full of love for the animal. And I don't want to hurt them, and I just want to love them. And I feel that
they feel my love. And maybe they do, but they still might kill me. And I'm kind of fine with it. So, would it be a dumb way to die? Yes. Would I be okay with it? Also, yes. Go on. Okay, so this one's called Wet Dream. Died of a heatstroke after putting on a latex fish fetish suit. Don't do that asleep! Be awake! Where you can keep track of your fucking - Didn't say he was sleeping. Well, you said wet dream. I assume dream meant
he fell asleep. No, it just died of a heat stroke after putting on a latex fish fetish suit in extremely hot weather. Well, I don't know. Maybe just keep track of your fucking temperature. You know, I'm getting overheated. I know I need to turn the AC on. I need to sit down. I need to cool it. Take off the suit. Yeah. Maybe you're about to finish, but you can finish later. And honestly, and this is where it's gonna get controversial, if you need to be wearing a fish suit to finish,
look, we all have our things. That's too far. You need to see someone. Well, like, is the dick out? I don't know, but this is what I'm saying. Some of these people who have, like, really specific things and they absolutely cannot function sexually
without these things. I understand if they make it better for you like everybody has things in there like this is way better this is way hotter but if you can't do it if you're not in your fish closet that's a problem you know like you need to see someone you need help see in my mind because like I didn't like look these up I can tell what do you mean just because it's just you're just naming you're saying the synopsis correct yeah it's fine it like some of them if
i know if you would have looked them up you would have been giving me hard details because i know how you research is what i'm saying so it's fine i'm i'm totally fine with the way this is going yeah well that was my point yeah like i wanted to just look them up and we would talk about yeah i'm totally okay with that yeah but when i was reading it i had a like i was trying to imagine Yeah, the latex fish suit. So what I was imagining was in American Horror Story season
one with gills and like fins. Do you know what I'm picturing? What? My cat has a goldfish costume. It's not latex. It's just fabric. It looks like a kid's like Halloween costume, but it's a goldfish. But latex. I don't know if I have anything that remotely relates to that. Okay, here's one that not really. It's a sex one though that is from thousand ways to die. I remember I don't remember the episode or anything But I remember that might
have on this list general story. I called it carrot dildo So what I did not put this on this okay So what I remember about this episode is this woman and they kept calling her a nymphomaniac which feels sexist um But that she was having friends over and she was grocery shopping for her friends to come over But she saw this big old carrot so she bought the carrot purely for the purpose of using it as a sex toy Yep But here's the thing she didn't peel it and carrot
skin is rough and tumble and she didn't clean it good enough So there's dirt. There's bacteria and she didn't put a condom on it Either because why would you well? I don't know I can think of a lot of ways that this wouldn't have had to kill you But she put the carrot in her and it went fine, but then the carrot the rough dirty carrot skin cut her inside and It went straight into her bloodstream and died that night or something
like that. I don't know I've never forgotten that so for those listening If you're going to use a carrot either peel it no just don't use make sure you clean it well and Listen, don't don't use don't use when when people say like food play. I really don't think this is what they're talking about. I think they're just talking about whipped cream on your body, you know? Yeah, we're nacho cheese or something. That's right.
But that's, you know, let's move on before we get too in depth and have to flag this episode. Okay, it's this is called me so hornet. See, I thought it was gonna be something about miso soup, and then you just pivot. And it's - okay, so it's stung to death by hornets after shooting their nest with a paintball gun. Okay, well fucking fi - I mean, you invaded their house. They should be mad. Yes. And if it's - if their hornet's nest is invading your space, call a professional.
Yeah, that's all it should be. But with a paintball gun? At no point when I was getting swarmed by hornets in my own home did I think man I wish I had a paintball gun. I bet that would do it to him Maybe he thought the paint will like go over their bodies and make them like die. Yeah. Well Um, so I guess the only one that would be close to that for me that I have on my list here is sometimes I worry that I could die by eating too many Benadryl. Allergies, bees. Oh, okay,
okay. I take a lot of Benadryl. I've built up an inhuman tolerance over the years, but I take a lot of Benadryl to live because I'm allergic to animals and I have animals and I'd rather die than not have animals, you know? I get that. Speaking of dying. Yeah, but sometimes I take a lot. And I'm like, man, if I OD, this is gonna be the most embarrassing shit in the world. You know, I would hate to go out like that. Benadryl? Speaking of OD. Okay, hit me. I like that we
have a good flow going. So this guy died of a heart attack after himself, his wife, and his mistress all put three different Viagra pills into his drink. You have to communicate. Communication is so important in relationships, honestly. It was Diagra. I hope that marketing guy got a job after they said goodbye to the show. You have to communicate. This sex is so dangerous. I have
a lot of sex related things. Most of them, I feel like most of the ones I remember, which I only have one more from the show, were sex related. But like you have, was this a threesome situation do we know or was it? Didn't research I'm assuming if it were all at the same time like if that's why he like died because he had three Viagra Yeah, he was probably like threesome with like my wife and my mistress like this I gotta be hard for this and then the wife's just
like You've got to be hard. You've got to be hard for this and the mistress is like you've got to be hard for this As I'm I'm picturing in a different way. I'm picturing it as this guy is cheating on his wife He has a miss because for them to call her mistress. I'm thinking wife doesn't know You know what I mean? Okay. Because otherwise, it's a thrup. Right. And so I'm thinking, Guy is like, I'm gonna go see my mistress. Doesn't take a Viagra because he's attracted to the hot
young thing. But the mistress is like, you're not doing it for me granddad. So she gives him a Viagra. They bang it out, right? He gets home. He gets home. So he takes a Viagra because some dudes, it's harder for them to reboot. So like he takes a Viagra on his own and his wife Unbeknownst about the the affair is like he's never hard I really need to get some tonight gives him a Viagra in his beef stew So he's taking a Viagra
on the way home. He just had a Viagra at Wendy's house He's going his wife is giving him a Viagra. That's what I think. I think it's I like that one Yeah, I think that makes more sense. Yeah, I mean I love the idea of them just ODing him on Viagra I think the accident makes sense to me Do you want to hear another sex related hilarious? You know what? Yeah, you do that one. And then I'll do my last sex related one from thousand ways to die, which is also my last thousand.
Okay, this one is called Ica boned. So both of them. Right. Okay. So the guy died of a heart attack because of the shock of finally having sex with his wife. And it was so great. It's so exciting. And he just couldn't handle it. So speaking of shocks, can you imagine just like having sex and having a fucking heart attack as you just like so excited? No. No, I cannot it's not that exciting. I've never once been like I'm gonna die So the last thousand ways
to die when I have also speaking of shock. Uh
-huh. Um, I called this one cow heart you have it I have this okay I'll you'll explain it and then I'll tell you what this is fully which is what I remember So you can fill in some blanks here probably um So what I remember was this guy was working in some place where they had like experiments going or like They had animals organs and this cow heart was electrified And he decided that he should put his penis in it so he did but because there were like Electric
currents weren't running through it He was electrocuted. It's hard to forget that you know, it was called heart on Love that. Love it. So accidentally electrocuted himself to death while having sex with a cow's heart as it was attached to a car battery Okay Yeah, if I remember correctly, it was like he was working somewhere and they had like stuff like this and he just I just understand human beings and he probably attached it to the car battery to make it feel alive. So it's like
fucking a live organ. I don't think that's right. I think it was something where he worked and they were doing experiments or something and they had it to like for electric. Hey, hey, Greg. Anyways, tell me another one. This one's this one's my favorite and I feel like it really resonates with us. Okay. It's called Frightmare. Died of a heart attack after being frightened by a nightmare. That would certainly happen to me. A hundred
percent. That would happen to me. There's so many times where I wake up, like my heart is like pounding and I'm like, I woke up screaming. This is it. Um, just the other day I told you, I woke up, I slept like all day long. I was, I was really, really tired. And then it was like, I slept too long. You know, so then you get like a headache. Yeah feel good with headache I did wake up at one point I took my mouth guard out.
So I probably was grinding my teeth I know I was snoring like even Justin was like it took me hours to go sleep and When I woke up my sinuses burned so I was I knew it it was because my sinuses dried out But I woke up when I finally did wake up. It was because I felt myself going into sleep paralysis. So I went Sometimes that's what I do. I love that you can wake yourself up from that because I cannot. I can't always. Okay,
I can't always. But I think because I had been sleeping so long that I was like in a really weird place in REM sleep, I could kind of realize what was happening because I should have been awake already. You know what I mean? I wasn't fully as back to sleep yet. And it started to happen. I was like, I need to know that I literally like pop up like a jacket. No, I really want you to put a camera in your room Cuz I would
love to see that. No, you don't no, you don't no, you don't no, you don't but yeah I could definitely see myself. Do you got something similar? I have a sleep. I have a sleep related one Okay, so I think the dumb way that I could die that I've been trying to avoid my whole life has been
sleep driving Let me explain. I've never been a sleepwalker or anything, but my dad was a very terrible sleepwalker um when he was a kid and he's always had really bad insomnia and stuff and when i was um i don't know like maybe 12 13 somewhere in that age range so he started sleepwalking again so yeah i've always been like man i hope i don't sleep drive and die because i have sleep shit too because yeah you know i i relate sleep drive all right this is called
m bear assed a bear mauled and eaten alive by a bear after trying to have sex with it. I already said the one I have about the wild animal. I do have one that I know there were episodes of A Thousand Ways to Die about, but I'm sure there were more than one. Fucking firecrackers, man. Oh, yeah, I saw that when I didn't put it on this. Yeah. Well, I just always thought like, man, I would hate to die of firecrackers. That's
why I don't set them off. No. First of all, I don't understand the appeal of firecrackers at all. I don't get it. Why do you want to pretend that like it's nom? I don't understand. But even if you do, even if you do. I'm not talking about people who like there's something wrong with the firework and it went off and you're not, you know, you tried to do everything safely and they fucked up. Yeah, that's not what I mean here. I mean people who are holding it idiots
and you don't let fucking go. Yeah, or you like juggle them. And I know I dated a guy who was very like a fucking pyromaniac over these fireworks. And I was, I hated it because he would do that kind of shit. And we had to like wrestle fireworks away from him all the time. Like he just had a fucking death wish. It doesn't have to be this
way. I even get nervous with sprinklers. sparklers what he said the antithesis of a firework i'm gonna irrigate myself to death honestly i'm melting i burnt my hand really bad on a sparkler when i was a kid so i don't like them either um that's what i was trying to say i know okay maybe we'll die so this is called sex ray okay died of radiation poisoning after his doctor had sex with a nurse repeated and accidentally repeatedly press the
button to turn on the x -ray over his head? I have one that's actually related to doctors and x -rays. Wow. Breaking a bone and not going to the doctor, which I have done, and I learned after I did it that it can like, the broken bone, it can release kind of like toxins into your bloodstream. I don't know exactly how this works
and I did not research it. Like again for this, but it can be really bad like fragments of the bone And I learned that like a month after I broke my ankle and I didn't go to the doctor So hindsight's 20 -20. I fell down some stairs. I I heard my ankle just And I couldn't stand up when I cuz I you know, I fall a lot I am used to just help I fall and I can't get up Yeah, I do that a lot or as I like to call it eat ass I told you that story, right? No. No? When, um,
so I know the phrases eat shit. Yeah, I get that. Um, it was when we had like a family Disney trip, like with Mike and his family. Okay. Someone at like we were, someone just like fell real hard. And I looked over, I was like, wow, they
ate ass. Like, what did you say? I was like, So now everyone just says you're eating ass instead of each shit influencer Yeah, no, I fall down a lot so like I was like well It was a condo that had stairs and an elevator and I took the stairs should have done that Felt down the first flight of stairs, crack, but I'm like, maybe that's not what I thought it was. I crack a lac all the time, could not be that bad. Went to get up, absolutely just fell right back down.
So I crawled into the elevator and went down to, I was going down to my car to get something. And I went down to my car and I crawled out of the elevator, out onto the street and pulled myself into my car and sat in there for like 15 minutes and like just got it together. Maybe 15, 20 minutes. My ankle was like... complex so swollen. It was terrible. And I was like, yeah, I fell down the stairs, but I'm so fine. That's like, I'm so cool. Just let me wrap it
up. But it was broken. It was definitely fucking broken. I just didn't want to go to hospital. A few weeks later, when it it, you know, it was fine. It healed up pretty quick, but I realized that I really could have fucked myself up. So this one is Kathy accidentally choked to death on a fish. Fish. eventually died after becoming trapped inside Cathy's throat. Just like just how they had that. Amazing. Cracked me up. So
she ate a live fish. She ate a live fish. Did you see that video that was like circulating of the woman who like put a fit a live fish in her vagina? And I wish I don't wish to see it. The closest thing I have to that is I'm afraid I might die eating an expired condiment. So I'm like that, but just like with everything like it doesn't matter who I'm with or where I'm at. I will check the date. That's good because I'm so afraid to get sick. I'm I will throw shit
away if it's questionable if it's passive. Absolutely. I'm tossing it so hit me with your last one. I'm excited. Okay. Died of a heart attack after laughing too hard, which I felt like I was just about to do that's great And honestly, it's probably
how I will die. I hope that's how you guys die I will be I will be recording this podcast with you cracking up laughing crying dead I actually put on here that this wasn't what I was gonna end with but I put on here laughing to death because of an asthma attack Sometimes when I laugh really hard like how you were just laughing really hard I throw myself into an asthma attack because my asthma is so bad and man if I can't
get my inhaler giggled to death. I feel like I'm gonna have a brain aneurysm when I laugh. My head gets like so like... I don't know how to describe it. I don't know. I was about to say full. Like it's so much pressure in my head when I laugh that it starts to hurt. You may want to get that checked out. That doesn't sound correct. That also happens when I just bend down. That happens to me sometimes. Not all the time,
though. Alright, well the last one I had, because I only said the asthma one because you just said that, was... I wrote it down as eating bleach.
Let me explain. I do clean a lot, and I... i clean with very harsh chemicals all the time and i have no worries about i will wipe my stove down with wipes and then cook noodles immediately i just mean like immediate like i have no concern over like oh this could get in my food absolutely none i should probably so but justin hates it like there's chemicals all over everywhere like containers of cleaners and he's just he puts everything away before he cooks And I'm like,
stop putting my stuff away. I need it to clean, you know, but I should probably be more concerned about it, but I'm not. And that would really be a dumb way to go. I cleaned my kitchen so hard that I poisoned myself. I mean, well, think about that one episode of My Strange Addiction who like drank a capful of bleach like every day. Yeah, she didn't die. Not right away. She
didn't she didn't die from the inside out. It's not good You got if you don't don't drink bleach should probably like go back the other way a little bit I should be afraid of eating chemicals
and I'm not as afraid as I should be. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's really it So like my OCD is like I have to like I wash my hands all the time But even after I clean yeah, so like if I'm using a Clorox wipe, I have to wash my hands out See, I don't do that as much as I should Like cuz I don't want to put that on my face now like the surfaces thing like I'll eat off of it I
don't think about it that way. Yeah, but I think about it as I don't want this on my hands or on my face see I only think about that with like Things that I would clean up not the things that I clean up with right, you know I mean and that also goes to like like when I clean my tub Yeah, I will soak it in bleach Like I will put bleach in it and then fill it up with hot water. So it's just hot water. It's hot bleach water. I let it soak and then you get it. And then I'm
like, I wash it out. Like I rinse it out for like 15 minutes, right? So you don't get any bleach on. So I don't get any. See, I don't really clean my tub with bleach, but I use chemicals and then I rinse it out and then I put bleach in it. I like sit with bleach. I love the smell of bleach. I don't mind it like in chlorine and pools. Delish. Okay. Um, the only other ones I had were ones from like, uh, final destination tanning beds. Oh yeah. Skin cancer slash getting
fried, which those girls did. And was it three? I think it was three. Yeah. And then the log truck. Oh yeah. The log truck forever. I will not drive behind one. Nope. So if nothing else, our millennial childhoods really taught us a lot of the ways that we could go. Rational or
not. and we hope that you've enjoyed us sharing them with you and maybe this has made you laugh a little made you rethink your cleaning strategies a little bit made you rethink using a paintball gun on a hornet's nest yeah and just made you not be too afraid to die but also be a little careful be careful make wise decisions yeah don't fuck a heart attached to some electricity. Don't do that. And I think that's a good way to end
it. I do too. I hope you guys have had a great time with us destigmatizing death and being a part of 30 dirty and dying. We'll be back next week with more bitchin content. I'm Clarissa. I'm Courtney. See you on the flippity flip. Bye!