Ep 7: The Guy With Five Girlfriends

This show contains adult material, references to drugs and swearing.

You have been warned.

He hosts his own house sex parties.

Okay, so it's like an unofficial one where you're arriving and you're like, wait, wait, what's.

Going on around me?

I'm a savage are.

You board of modern dating?

Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who are the total opposite of my tie. And after twenty eight of these dates in two months,

Hi, Roz, Hey, that was really loud. How are you? I'm very good?

Hell?

What was your date this week? It was kind of mad? Okay?

Do you remember that documentary series? It was called Wild Wild Country is on Netflix?

Yeah?

Okay, and it was like about like that commune and like everybody was like getting with each other.

And what was her name, Sheila Jumber? Sheila. Yeah. So this guy that I went on a date with.

First impressions, he told me he works in TV. He's a news presenter. But then like he basically started to like tell me that he had like five different girlfriends and they were all really good friends with each other as well, So like all of the girlfriends really good friends. Like he hangs out with all of them and also hangs out with their other boyfriends. They're basically in a friendship group of all of them going out and getting with each other.

Are you in an open relationship?

Yeah?

Yeah, I've never been in any some vocal things. Before I met this girl, so she's sort of polly or I guess we're polyamorous. And before I'm at her and we did our thing, I would think the same with that word, I'd be like, cults, let me through, I'm going to see you know, that's gress weird.

And then you do it.

And in theory and in practice is very different. If you think about in theory, you're like, we're it's going to be constant sex and it's going to be emotions and like we're in practice. I feel it's a lot more ethical, it's a lot more communicative. You make a lot more friends. So the people that we both see, me and my partner, we're all friends, right, So like I text a guy that she sees more than she

It really reminded me of that show World Wild Country, because that show was my first obviously, I know, like in the seventies there was all these hippie.

Communes where everybody was shagging.

But like I wasn't alive then, and I remember thinking, God, that's mad, and that's kind of what When he was talking to me, I was like, well, so he was so not the kind of person that if you met him, you wouldn't think that he was like that person.

My friends joke that I've got five girlfriends have at one point, I was saying, five five girls.

How much do you text all of your life? How much are you communicating with them when you're not with some of them?

Definitely every day, multiple, like a lot throughout the day, some of them a couple of times a week, depending on how much should I see them At that point also got to say that a lot of the girls would buy and therefore they see each other quite a lot. And we have a sort of little group of us which is like gree nice and ry and one of them.

Do you ever have like group sets?

Yeah?

That was like I just asked him if he wanted like milk, yeah, tea.

Yeah. So where's guys meet? Or did you match on field? Which is like very much that I.

Don't know, Like I'm like, you met in the field, and you're like, no, we met in the app field.

I'm so out of touch.

We met in a field. It was really romantic. It was like pride and prejudice.

And then then you're all your twenty eight date lover is, how did you?

And yeah, exactly as mister Darcy, he lived in Soho, right, which like being from London, you never really like meet people that live in Soho because it's kind of like it's just really small, so so it means that you're really really rich if you have like a nice house and Soho and so that was kind of like mad to me.

When I first started living there, I was like, is it allowed people Like yeah.

I never meet people who live in so yeah, that's so d.

Which means I have to be within two minutes of a strip by at any one time.

Right, but which is your favorite strip clo?

Thanks for asking what it's sophisticate?

But so sorry, is that a nick? Is that a nick? When he just said did he did?

He actually just say I have a heart condition, so I have to live two minutes within a strip club.

Yeah, well he's it's a joe.

Yeah, I sorry, I didn't didn't land on me.

It was it was also lost on me, and I was like, oh, he's about to say he's got heart has to be in at UCLH, which is like the big hospital in central London.

And then he was like yeah that was a big no Nan. Yeah, ro was you a fan of strip club? So we've been to one?

I went to one once on holiday, was with all my friends and like, sorry, it wasn't more of it wasn't actually strip club.

It was a sex club.

It was like more of a sex show club and like I just remember being like what the fuck is going on? Like there was a guy on stage putting a glass off his ass, like I just remember, like I was like nineteen.

I was like, I don't know how to process this. I'm way too naive.

But it was amazing in terms of like all the people there. It was such a like I suppose a liberal place. It was like so much fun.

But yeah, strip clubs, I've actually never gone to, like a proper strip club. I don't know why. In my head, I feel like it's quite seedy or something.

I think because so many strip clubs are like four men, do you know what I mean. I'd love to go to strip club where it's like for women, like Chippendale's Vibes, where it's like all the ships are men. But yeah, like what you were just saying, like those kinds of shows, I love seeing stuff like that.

That's sick.

Yeah, but I'm not sure if I want to go to a club that's like essentially four men, would you think it's.

A red flag?

If a guy or a girl was going to strip club like.

Regularly occasionally, if they went, I wouldn't think it was real flag. If they went a lot, if they went on their own, I would find that a bit.

Yeah, I'm actually I have to say, I'm loving this insight into like how other people live. I'm like, wow, my god, this are so fascinating, Like I think so but the only thing I do think right?

And I felt this like with this guy in particularly, it's like, how do you actually like have time to be seeing five different people?

Yeah, you live in Soho? Like how you are enough money?

It's living Soho, but you're dating five different women. I just I sort of couldn't quite wrap my hand.

Do you know what? I'd love to meet the women?

Yeah?

I love to do want I want you to go and meet them and record it.

I would love that because I'd love to know what they are like, these women. So from looking at his profile, he looks like the kind of guy who shags around but isn't necessarily polyamorous.

Sorry, I would not have got that from his profile. I was like, oh my god, he's like a weather man or something. He still holds them he's swimming some fresh water lake or whatever, and.

It looks a bit like a right wing Tory. Yeah, yeah he kind of does.

And like, you know what, when you send me this, I only looked at his photos and that's why I was shocking. You're like he's got five girlfriends. And then I just scrolled in and realized that his pronaiins are he him you your mom.

Ah, those sexy parties come at me if you're funny and hot, but you don't like sex parties.

I hate sex parties, and you know what is mad?

Okay, Yeah, I went to a sex party last year for this documentary I was making about sex parties.

And then one of the things.

He said was like, oh, I didn't know whether or not to say this to you, but I was actually at the sex party that you were at, and my friend was like, oh, look there's Grace Campbell and I was like, that's kind of weird.

We were actually in the same party.

We were at the same kenning Kin's party where you went with your film crew.

Were you at that party?

I remember chaining to go and she's like, oh, yeah, I'm not.

Gonna lie that.

Maybe that I felt quite self.

Contra but that's I would say. I'm self consciously like I didn't do anything of that. I was on that same sort of VIP floor.

Right, Okay, did you go with your partner?

No? I went with a girl who actually didn't make it because she was on a period.

Okay, sorry, sorry, can I just say the way he just swallowed the word period is so weird?

He you and your film crew? We you say, like you and you're a film girul. I was like what, I'd say, what's going on?

Is this?

That man not on TV? And okay, so.

She was on.

So I'm so fascinated.

I only heard of Killing Kittens sex parties like last month because I am clearly like ten years.

Mind everyone, but like, is that not the really explain what that is.

It's the kind of like it's the most not necessarily high end, but it's very heterosexual like a lot of the other big sex parties are really like queer based, and Killing Kittens is like really straight and also quite like middle age and like middle class.

And he hosts them as well.

He hosts his own sex parties.

And he what are they called? I didn't ask that. I think they were.

More like house sex parties and like basically like you know her saying he's got like five girlfriends and they will have like different boyfriends and they will like get with each other.

I think they just have orgies.

Okay, so it's like an a fishing one where you're right, yeah, wait, what's going on?

Yeah, it's like it's like you thought you were going around for a Eurovision party and then suddenly like everyone's shagging.

Talked about probably amateur a long time. I feel like spokesperson. What else do you do?

What else are you into?

What are your hobby.

Hobbies?

Speaking of the Chinese, because I lived in China for a year, super social, so I like sort of the so I do organize parties, sort of sexy parties, even though I'm not really into them myself. I quite like organizing the I'm quite a hosting.

Wow.

We do have these like around the place.

That's not fun, that's all a bit more like what I imagined would be my ideal sex party scenarios, like.

Twelve kind of a house part people and we're all kind of we usually like this core group know each other and then we bring friends that we know.

No sorry, one thing I want to know about.

I know he said a lot there, but like does he tell the airbnb people?

Well probably not, okay, and that's pretty I I do that loads. I know loads of people that are just like run an Airbnb and then have a massive party.

Who's cleaning that up? I know.

No.

I also him being like I don't enjoy sex parties, but I love hosting them, said.

No one ever, Yeah, like what do you doing? Just watching?

Sorry, that's just such a lie. He obviously loves sex parties. He's mentioned them like three times at this point.

He should he should have just been a wedding planet.

I also have to say, like, this is when I know that I'm like bored, because it gave me the hearing myself ask him if he had any hobbies, because that's the kind of chat that like, I'm like, God, that is like the sort of Google what's a good question to ask?

And that's it?

And that really that was when I was like, Okay, I'm slightly checking out here, and I was like, so, do you have any or bees? It felt like I was with like someone who's like trying to be a cult leader, and he was kind of like trying to hypnotize me into why polyamory is the only way forward, and at moments I was like, gorgea making it sound amazing. But then I kept like sort of blinking and being like is this man like got me under a spell?

The way A very very monoglous friend of mine, No, second before marriage friend when he first had his first son, was worried when his second child was on the way, was I'm scared that I can't love my second son as much as I can love my first song. But your capacity for love grows. So I think that's a really good way to look at it, because I think you can love more than one person, you love them in different ways.

But I still think loving your kid is different than being in law. You think, but the romantic partner, yeah, I would disagree.

Really, yeah, yeah, I would say you have different things.

Really really deep soulmate level relationships with my best friends, right, and I've got like different, very different relationships, and I've got a lot of best friends, which is like this ongoing joke in my family that like.

I have more best friends than anyone.

But I feel that's a different kind of love for what I felt for my ex toy friends.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I can't believe he compared loving like being polyamorous to loving your children.

Yeah, but you know what I have to say, Like he went there and I was like, for a moment, I was like, oh no, no, he is hypnotizing us.

No I know.

But also that is not a comparison. No, I'm sorry, it's not the same. Like it's not the same at all. It's a completely different type of love.

I just thought that was weird and I was like he it was like he was like.

Slightly clutching at straws to like persuade me.

One of the good things I like about it is that the sort of monogamous thing is like very foxed in right's been there for centuries.

And it hasn't changed, whereas this is kind of like you make your own works, is much more what humans are about.

And then from that, I've just noticed sort of many other sort of healthy things come from it, especially for guys where jealousy insecurity are quite a big factor.

Not talking lack of communication.

It really forces you to do that general communication is a lot higher, especially for white English guy that's generally not the case, where often you sort of build up emotions and anxiety and it all comes out in one thing. And so I don't know, I think it's healthy in that respect because I feel like monogamy is often based on stuff that isn't really human to us. It's based on what a guy wrote in the Bible years ago, or whatever, you know, was set up for the patriarchy.

He's really going in trying to convince you, though.

He was hammering it very like it was kind of always spoke about. And then it got to the end of the day and I was like, we haven't spoken about anything else apart from your polyamory. And he was telling me about like like his parents found out recently that he was like polyamorous, and then you know, at the beginning, they didn't really like his dad didn't really

Well, opened your family about it.

Well, I didn't have the conversation over the phone. I did it in person, and that was quite difficult because my dad's eyebrows were like off his face just talking to him, my mum and I could just see out of my periphery Dad's eyebrows going on.

That's so Dad, that's so like a dad thing to do, not say anything but react facially.

But then when they met her, it was so natural because they met her with my other partner because their friends. It was like my birthday dinner and I brought other friends and then they were there as well, and we'll just hang out as a group.

And that made him much more.

Is because it's basically like your group of friends, like a pace, right, and it's not like and that they arrived together, the two girls because their maids, and they were like, oh right, well, they're so distinguished.

All the ideas that this is weird.

Isn't that mental? That is mental?

He was hypnotizing me on how amazing polyamory is, and then I was kind of challenging him on some of it.

So I went on the.

Day the other day with a girl who is married but the opening of the relationship has a husband who has the same name as me and also the same nickname as we. But anyway, we had a lot of common. We got on really well, and we met very quickly, just for a quick drink, just to be like. And afterwards she was like, I liked you too much. I'm not here for this, right, I'm here for like you know, I'm here. I'm not here for that. I'm not And I was like, interesting, because I can do that as well.

But I don't know if I could do that.

Yeah, I don't have those feelings when I'm.

Yeah, especially at the beginning of opening up a relationship, I would freak out.

I think that was me, Yeah, because the rules would be obviously, this is purely physical.

This is not so I don't know it's also.

But also I don't know if I don't know, is anything ever purely vision if it's happening more than once. I think one night Stan can be purely physical. And I think I've literally had seven people before that. I've not even boken a word.

To wait, stuff the stuff, the cliff grace, what how does that even work? Where were you and like what were you signing to them?

No, I just feel like like I, you know, it's happened. It happened to me last summer and Marseille, Like I was in a club and I just like looked at this guy and then we started kissing like each other, and then we you know, left and we went and had sex. And so my friends call it my like a maturist. And my friends say, like, I have this like sometimes very rare.

Now it used to be more frequent by you.

Used to have this like ball like a b U l L, like a like the animal like ball mode where I'd be out and I just would suddenly be like I need to have sex, and so I just like look at someone and I'd be like, let's have sex.

You're like a mine. You're like that, that's what you should be for alloween. You should dress the mine like a sex mine.

And I bet I would shag.

I bet I would shag another mine.

Carry on the cliff.

But I had to have ongoing sex and like physical intimacy or someone.

I find it's hard for that to be Like I.

Think you can have really good sex with someone that you're purely sexually. I think I'd like that before where I for some reason, I know they're really hot and they're really nice, but for whatever reason, I have not had that. You know, I don't massively fancy them or I'm not really intoent And I know that for some people would be like a juxtaposition, but for me that's happened. I've been a bit like why do I fancy It doesn't matter?

That?

Is he not like kind of explaining your exact issue with being in a parlor.

Well, I think I think it was actually more a humble brag. I think he was just trying to be like I went on a date with this woman who was like, do you know what, I like you too much?

Yeah? I like you too much? So would you see him again?

No solid answer now, nothing personal. Also, he's fine, he's got five girl friends.

Yeah, he's believing. He's doing grand next time.

On twenty eight dates later, I mean films, dancing, and a bunch of hippie adjacent things like contact, improv, psychedelics.

Not sure that is, but I mean a lot of these things.

I don't know what they are.

I don't know what I don't know what circling is.

I know what boordering is.

Ald me, I'm a servo. Can it?

Twenty eight Days Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell, with help from Roz Pursal and Dan Whye. The producer is Diggrey Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are mithillly Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.