Ep 3: The Guy With The Girlfriend

This show contains adult material and swearing.

You have been warned that man has a girlfriend and he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size.

So halfway through I was going.

He's like, oh god, her gag green is Zeremo Terrebo.

Around me?

I'm a savage. Are you bored of modern dating?

Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who were the total opposite of my type. And after twenty eight of these dates in two months,

It's time to find out.

I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.

Grace, How are you?

I'm good? How are you?

I'm good? I'm looking forward to this week's date, but I've been worried about how much you like some of these guys.

That's the thing, like I'm I'm I'm gonna go on dates and think Ross is going to hurt this guy.

No, and you know what, like.

She's going to fucking hate this guy.

Yeah, but I'm really turned on.

You know what. What's funny is we do actually have come. I think we are very safe friends and that if we went to a club we wouldn't be trying to fight for the same guy.

As Yes, yeah, not at all, not all.

But also because you're in a relationship, so you can't get with anyone, you can't even talk to them.

I can flourish first. There's nothing wrong with that.

No, I have a bit of healthy flirting.

Yeah, it's good, just to check in that.

He's so goddess it is.

I mean, no, I know it's important. So go on, go on, tell me about who's up next.

Yes, I met Chris and it's about Chris with a Why I presume maybe because he's Welsh.

Hi?

Hi, oh bye, how are you?

I'm good?

Nice to meet you in So do you go by she or day or hey?

Okay, what do you do?

So?

I work for a clothing company? Oh okay, I work in the custoller and product relations.

So are you Polly yes, so I have a primary partner.

Okay, I'm obsessed with it.

Okay, Yeah, we've been together for like fourteen fifteen months, sixteen. We're going to say it is no.

You invented it very ahead of the car.

And you are twenty eight.

So when I came in, he asked me what my pronouns were.

Oh my god, Layton.

But so he let me tell you about him, right, okay, because this is so interesting.

I found him on Field. Do you know about Field?

Tell me quickly?

Both.

Field.

It's like a sort of I used to think it was like a kink based app and but it's basically a lot it's like people in polyamorous relationships, Like you know, it's a sort of like more open minded app and like hinge. So like it's the kind of place that you can, like I don't know, expect to like talk to people who are like in open relationships or just looking for slightly like off the beaten track concept, so like very like out of my comfort zone. He is in an open relationship. So he said he had a

Its primary person male or female?

Female?

Okay?

And I think he said they started their relationship open. And then I was like really interrogating it because I am so interested in polyamous relationship. And he said that he had like different people for different things, So he was like, you can really.

Vary it however you want it to be, Like you could have like I have a primary partner and I date the people to what degree of intimacy I have of these people, whether like we go on dates and stuff, or we just have sex or eventually just like hang out and just like have be a cuddle buddy and someone to be like friends with, Like it really depends how That's quite interesting, Yeah, but like not necessarily like sex or like kissing or whatever, or you just have

Yeah, that sounds like a friend or like he was like, you know, but people that I don't actually get with, we just sort of like cuddle.

I was like, why, Like the thing that I kept thinking is like.

That man needs a dog.

Yeah exactly one hundred percent, But also like what did you just do that with your girlfriend. Yeah, Like that's the kind of intimacy that if I was in the open relationship, I think I'd be like, listen, you can have like maybe sex when you're on holiday, but like the concept of like lying and watching TV just sounds way more intimate than anything else.

And I've known real skills required to just snuggling on the couch, so h I find that's strange and just do it alone. Yeah, what did he look like?

He looks like he looked a bit like you know, he did his Bible wasn't this, But he looks a bit like Jack Grealish the football player.

Okay, and he wasn't political.

He didn't know who my dad was, which is actually quite an dick if I'm honest, because that's my litmus test. If you don't know who Alie the Gambler is and you don't really know anything about politics, and then I'm not sure if I fancy it.

And maybe you live in a little bit of a bubble.

Yeah, exactly.

It's such like I always find it when people like, I'm not very biscal It's such like I don't know that it's not like such a privileged position to be in, but it just it just makes me feel like, oh, you've probably never voted, and therefore, like I don't respect you as much as I would someone else.

So what's it like having a dad as a politician? Does he like ground it into you from Yeah?

I think I am, but I think it just is really ground into me?

Was he Alisa Campbell?

No, you don't know you're not into politics?

I know that the recent guys.

But I don't.

I don't pay too much because like they all lie. Basically, you just have to pick up the most friendly liar.

That's true.

But he was like he was like Tony Blair's like director of communication, So his job was to literally like right speeches and like talk to journalists, and he got a reputation for being quite like aggressive.

Have you ever watched The Thick of It?

It's a comedy and it was the main character, Malcolm Tucker, who's played by Peter Caldi, was made was based on my dad.

But it's a comedy. Yeah, influence, Yeah, what's the different?

Being infamous kinda can be bad?

Oh really, I think.

So, don't quote.

Did you hear that guy?

The vibe of the date was like he wanted to have sex to me like it wasn't like he was one of those people you know when you meet someone like you're very intense.

He was like looking at me with that like intense look, like he like, do you.

Know what I mean? You?

Which made you think that it's really.

Intense in a good way, Like that's why eye contacted so mad.

He brainwashed you basically one hundred percent.

But the vibe was very I don't know if it's because his eye called that was intense, but and this is what kind of baffles me about open relationships is that that man has a girlfriend and he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size, And that's like whoa, Like, how do you find the energy to like upkeep these many like connections with people, because I, like, I haven't got the time or the energy to like date one person.

So did you ask him how many pregners his primary pregner has?

He said, it's very equal because in they both sort of are doing the same thing.

It's not like one of them is doing it more.

Is your primary your primary partner? Is it a woman?

Yeah?

Is she the same?

What do you mean?

Like, does she have the same thing? Yeah?

Yeah, so she has.

Other relationships to with both male and.

Females, right, Okay, Yeah, Like I I'm so happy that it's equal on both sides, and like, obviously I love him for someone tells me they're in an open relationship, like, I want to know so much more, abud. I find it's so fascinating and like whatever anyone's comfortable doing, that's

No, I see that. I completely agree with.

Yeah, the idea that I would date someone who is in a relationship with someone else, I just that, Yeah, like you said, it doesn't make me feel secure enough and I would always be feeling like second best.

I just couldn't do it.

So the you're asked, two boyfriends, are you're also like open to you have like multiple relationships?

No, I haven't ever before.

Okay, Basically, when I for a period when I was breaking up with my ex, we were open, but.

It wasn't in a healthy way.

It was like in a last attempt to make the relationship work. See, well, it was like I think we weren't ready to like pull it.

We've broken up for a bit and then we were like trying to get back together.

But I think neither of us all it's like recommit to like let's be like opening.

But it was just the worst.

It's the worst we like to do that.

Would you have a day someone who's in a relationship, hm, hm.

Hm, don't even.

Don't even dignify this with.

You know what, stop pretending. I kind of think honestly, if I was single now, I love what you're doing, which is like I want to explore. I think it's really important for everyone to go do that. Would this be something I would explore? Probably not, because I've been yeah, so conditioned to probably like be with one person that I'd find it really difficult.

I would struggle as well.

I would.

And so it's you know, where.

Would you come in the lineup, like on a podium where you like silver braz That's.

What I'm saying. I'm not a second fiddle? Was scenario in life? Have I been the second choice?

If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't switch off your feelings if you think someone's got look and you think they're good looking. If you have the odd flert like, it's not the end of the world, but like there is a barrier where you can't cross the line, so you'd have to you'd have to establish what that line.

It's yeah, exactly.

But it's kind of cool that there are so many people are like exploring the different boundaries and relationships because I do if it works for you, I'm like, I really respect it.

I just don't know if it would actually work for me.

One of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship and they like, literally their relationship is so solid, they have a danger ty. They communicate so well, and I'm.

Always like, go you exactly, and sometimes it means that the communication is way better than in a monogamous relationship.

Did his primary partner know who's going on a date with you?

Yeah, that's good.

That's good honesty.

No, it's it's good.

And you know, like the good thing about polyamorous people is they're more honest.

Yeah, because I guess they can be.

But you know, do you think she would have been intimidated?

Why you wro.

No, solid, solid, No.

The thing I like about it the most is like everything is like black and white because you have to be honest, no reason to hiding, yes exactly.

So that's what really is appealing to me.

So whenever there's like a gray area, you notice it right away and it feels sketchy and you're like, what is like, I don't have this in my relationship with you, like, and then you address it, so.

You get used to, really you get used to.

Having like really difficult open conversations like on a regular because it doesn't work otherwise.

That's see.

That is basically the thing I find appealing about an open relationship is the idea that there are no secrets, that we've basically agreed if you communicate what you're doing, it's fine. Because in the past, my biggest issues have been trust. And so that's why sometimes I think, oh my god, maybe I will be in an open relationship because then like you don't need to lie to me.

Yeah, But then also, are you have you just always been in a relationship where people have lied to you?

Yeah, You're You're definitely right, because I think certain relationships like you're probably in now, which is what I hope to being, is one that just like instills trusting me from the get go, So then it doesn't need to be an open relationship because I just trust you completely.

And can I just say so every relationship I've had up until now, I didn't trust them, and I had, you know, like maybe like I was doing what a lot of people are, looking through phones all that kind of stuff, and I felt really like something like that gray area, whereas it's different than when you actually have

Yeah, exactly, because I think you shouldn't be in an open relationship just because you don't trust someone. Basically, it shouldn't be like a last resort. It should be because you want to do that.

You should be in an open relationship because you just don't believe in monogamy and you want to have multiple partners, and you're someone who possibly will never want to just settle with one person. And also I'm saying this as someone who's always been monogamists. I don't know either, but that's me looking from the outside in.

But do you know what I would love is to meet his primary partner. Yeah, because I feel like now that I've met him and got an idea of like him on a day, I'd love to meet her and sort of there are so many layers of like being polyamorous, and it's so complicated. One of my really good friends is in like a polyamorous relationship or like, I don't know, there's so many different versions of like non monogamous relationships.

Yeah, you know what, I actually think how you've described it there. The reason I could never ever be in one is like I can hardly manage having one partner exactly, and keeping on top of like fucking Valentine's Day and actually just seeing each other and having time for each other.

That's what I mean, Like where do you find the time? Where do these people find the time.

It's funny because I'm just picturing you and Jack rellis jack Ja. Yeah, you know, I'm from I don't support UK stactor him having crazy eye contact for you on a couch summer having coffee is really unsettling.

No, I know.

And also my coffee they gave me soy milk instead of oat milk, which I'm like very mildly allergic to.

So halfway through I was going because I was like making mind bright really ed.

I was like, He's like, oh god, her gag reflects is terrible, terrible. So you're having a nice time on a day with me?

Do I have to say?

No?

You can be honest.

Give me feedback, Chris, what did you think of our day?

I think it went well, Like you're funny to talk to. He gave me good eye contact, and that's good feedback. It was easy to talk to you, and likewise, and I'm going to come to your show so I get to see you again in some capacity.

So I want to know would you go on a second day with him? Like did you change numbers or what we did?

This is a really funny right, So like afterwards I was like, Okay, maybe, like I'll see him again because it was a good day and like I said, like there was written intense eye contacting going on, and then I left and then he texted me, and then as a few days afterwards, I was like, you know what, no, because I thought about like what we were just talking about. That whole concept just was overfilling my brain and kind

I get you, it's kind of hard knowing because if you do develop feelings that you're a the side person.

Yeah.

And then the other day someone was telling me that she had a friend who had really pushed for an open relationship, but then her boyfriend ended up falling in love with someone else that he started seeing, but it had been like her idea, and then he'd come back and been like, I've developed feelings sin this girl, and she was like that's okay, Like should we like meet her? And then she met the girl and the girl was like, look, it's fine, Like I'm not trying to steal your man.

Oh that's kind of nice that he fell in love but also.

I know but it's like, yeah, that's what I would be freaking out about the whole time. You're going on a date with someone whole we're gonna fall in love with them?

Yeah, Like I find the whole cancel of really really interesting. And as I said, like, I'm like, whatever makes someone else happy in their relationship, I'm so happy for them. Like I am just vanilla light monogamous bitch here, right, But what I will say is, you know, I would be afraid to do it for a number of reasons, and one of them would be losing your partner. Yeah, what if you fail for someone else?

I mean, and you have to be so secure and you're like love for each other to think that there's no chance that he's gonna like end up falling in love with someone else, you have to be so secure.

Which, yeah, so it's no to Chris. Chris is gone, I think, so I'm afraid. But Chris is not forgotten, never forgotten. And he's got plenty of plenty He literally has plenty of so many options, He's got a lot of team players on that field.

So he's fine.

He's well, so many options. Obviously none of them are as interesting as me.

But no, I would love to have like a family tree of their relationship though I know.

Oh my god, that's such a good idea. The thing I'll say is he also he's every this is cyrn. But he sent me a message after just being like, let's go for another drink, and then I was like, yeah, sure, and then I just decided not to do And then the next week messaged me like, hey, like, I just want to let you know my week's gotten really full now, so like I haven't really got any time to see you this week, but would love to get in sometime next week.

Not even followed up with.

Like the first proposition of seeing you again, and now you've gotten in touchdown me, you're so busy with so many other dates.

That's like you know when you like have your monthly wax appointment and then they mess you got Look, I know you haven't booked in yet, but my week is getting real full. It's like, listen, he's got a lot of people to see.

I know, but it's very like I didn't ask, and you're telling me how busy you are, but I didn't ask.

Yeah, Chris gone.

Next time. On twenty eight dates Later.

There is nothing more ick to me than people referring to themselves and as a conner sort of anything, but mainly why.

Unless you're won number one in the world. Even then, Oh, girls, you around for me. I'm a savage obout it.

They can help it.

Twenty eight Dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio.

For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio.

The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from Roz Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithilely Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.