Ep 28: The Songwriter

Novel.

This show contains adult material and swearing. You have been warned.

The worst part I haven't gone is learning how to spell goner to.

Say, it's terrific, possible, it's horrific. You have to google it every time.

That is right, gone, Girl.

Around me, I'm a savage.

Are you bored of modern dating? Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who are the total opposite of my type. And after twenty eight of these dates in two months, will I find that special someone?

Or well?

This experiment proved that I should just give up on dating altogether. It's time to find out. I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later. Hello, Dan, Hi, it's the final Ar's the final day.

It's a final day.

I did my final day.

Oh my god, I'm excited.

I know.

Are you feeling nourished? Are you feeling sexy? Are you feeling alive.

I am, I'm feeling alive. Hey, Sason killing me, but I'm feeling I'm pumped. I'm pumped.

Baby killing me?

Do?

I find out recently that apparently it's because all the trees that we have in this country are like male trees. So I didn't want to plant female trees because they bear fruit and that's free fruit, but also like rotten fruit.

So this means it's just got like heavy.

It was just like loads of spunk, like mother has boukaqui and as constantly and it's.

Like it's in my eye. I know it is in my eye and in my nose, in my mouth.

Yeah, it is male trees. But also the craziest story just really quickly that I have to tell you, So, there is a male crow in my area that's attacking women. So it's been going around like on the WhatsApp groups like for my area, like there's this crow attacking women with long hair. So I was like, cool, I'll be fine, I haven't got long hair. And then last week I was walking along the street like looking real nice, like I had like cowboy boots on, like really nice trousers,

Damn it.

I owe that chrome money now A final day.

Final day. Okay. So this guy, so he is a songwriter.

A musician. He's in music.

Yeah, and I love music as well, like actually, like I love music popular opinion. But I'm like obsessed with music, Like I listened to music all the time. It's so random. No, I'm crazy.

I know, I'm a crazy girl.

Crazy girl. So I've previously dated a lot of musicians and it's clearly not gone well for me because I'm here making this podcast. So I thought musician days were in the past for me. But have you looked at this guy's very Let's just talk about how fucking peng.

He's so fit.

He's so peng.

Jesus Christ is the body, his body is given believable.

Okay, he's like a Greek statue.

It's made me feel like I'm cosplaying Roll Dahl writing a book and a share.

No. I showed my like male friends him the other day and they were like, he is an honest honestly. The second I saw so, I was so unprepared of him being that pang. And like then he came and he was so pung. I didn't have any makeup on. I looked insane. I'd been walking for two hours. It was really hot, I'd been walking the dog. I was trying to close my rings on an Apple watch, and

Then the second he sat down opposite me, I was like, oh my god, you're actually so fit, you are so muscly.

What do you.

Do do you take so sure?

I said, I'm just really what disciplined.

I mean, I ate the same thing every day.

I just go to the gym.

Sometimes every day. So tell me see.

Lunch for lunch. It's very snacky. So I seen us going bars a protein bar, approtein your good apple.

Sounds like such a sad way to live. Five oreos every day every day we have that.

Yeah, that diet is giving me like sociopath absolutely, yeah, people like that are complete freaks, but nobody has You do.

Not have a body like that without being a sociopath.

When he's there, like, it's very snacky, and to me, I'm They're like, what's that? Sorry? Four poor pies, A whole sub of pringles cheese.

One yeah, left sandwich from prass Because.

It isn't like that kind of snacky because that's my every day because I eat the same.

Thing every day. I'm like, what chickens? Ye got the time? I got the time? But work hard? Looks fit, I guess you do.

Yeah, I mean yeah, cb a, No, I mean, but not everybody has to look like that. But it's nice that there are people in the world that look like that. Do you know what I mean? It's like if everybody looks like that, it would be really boring. But it's nice when somebody looks like that and you're like, god, you look insane. I don't know, yeah, I mean unreal, Like his body is just pure muscle.

Have five aureos. It's so random, the whole packet. So what do you do? Is that a really personal I make music?

Okay, yeah, songwriter musicians love me.

It's really interesting.

I don't know why.

I think I've think I've been on with two comedians.

Really, that's interesting. Get over them.

Why I'm sure it was them and not the profession.

Well we are obviously they were probably really bad comedians.

Are a really good comedian.

I'm a very good exquisite. First of all, this is please So this is like so funny because he claims that he's never like looked me up, which I obviously do not believe. I don't believe it for a second. But like he basically before he had decided to come on the date for the podcast, he mentioned it to one of his friends and he was like, Oh, I've been asked to do this thing with this girl called Grace. And then the girl was like, oh my god, Grace Gamble.

Over his face.

Do you want another drink?

Is that your vibe?

Yeah?

I was like, she's obviously seen me do that, and I was copying me.

I mean, baby, you got gay right there. And he's like, to watch your content and you're like sex, and you're like, my dog's also been on here, just like me.

Oh my god, I'm based.

But like also just like if you if you see the end game, yeah, stepping it strongly.

And I saw like the second we started speaking, I was like, we have to have sex, and I really want it to be today that we have sad you.

Sat down, You're like, how can this happen? Oh? I know, I'm going to talk about my dog square in another dog's face.

But wait, just break that down because like what you want about the dogs square?

Oh my god, Eddie squirted on a dog's face.

Wait can dog square?

Well apparently yeah, I googled it. It's like, you know, a cat spray, Like it's like that, right, And it smelled just like squirt, which does not smell like piss, by the way, because as I always say, nobody has a baroka and then squirts and squirts baraka. But that's what I say to all the people that say squire's piss scientists, all the scientists and the doctor's other let me tell you that do the.

Baroc Wait, so it was a sexual Squirre was like.

So she was on heat and she was really horny, and she met this dog and they were playing, and then she got really aroused and then she mounted the dog's head, is like humping the dog's face, and then sprayed all this liquid. It was like our pub right, wow, sprayles liquid. So I picked her up and then she's like humping the an sprayed this liquid all over the guy opposite me. Oh, it was so embarrassing, like one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me.

Relatable queen. I'm always there, Like, you better make sure you.

Come before I do, because as soon as I do, I'm in a coma.

Really actually normally it's me. It takes longer. So God bless everyone's soul and whole that's been with me.

But like I am, I hate that thing where like you've come and then you've got to make them come and you're just say like this is I didn't realize this was like the Lord of the Rings trilogy directors cut No.

But that's the literally story of my life because I always come within the first thirty seconds of sex. Like it's so fucking embarrassing, Like I come so fast, but I don't mind it because I'll usually come again, like come again, I always do, but I always come quite quickly and then have to be like, okay, I can munster up the energy and though I'd really like to just have a sleep.

I mean I live.

And that segment was for all of our listeners into beat reality. Yeah, dogs can square.

Yeah.

The other thing, which I guess during this process, like one of the things that I've done a lot that's challenged myself is gone dates with people who are like open or like ethically not monogamous or like moneyamous or whatever. And I've obviously never really like ventured into any of that. So I because I'd been told before that he was in like an ethically non monogamous relationship, but then when he came and I was so attracted to him, I was like, oh fuck, but he's got a girlfriend. Yeah,

We both were on the same page of what we were looking for, so it made sense. And then okay, we fell in love and then continued going on.

Cool. Yeah, in a way I was really it was kind of cool, Like I did it. It wasn't I did. Like as long as like everybody involved is fine with it. I was like, this is kind of.

Chill, yeah, because it shows someone has it's like an evolved state of being. Like if you can be non monogamous, it means that like you surely have good communication skills, They surely trust there. It's a very modern way of being, which is, like I think, really positive.

But it's challenging as well because for me, like all of my relationships in the past have been like monogamous, and so when I'm sitting there opposite someone and I'm like, I want to fuck you so much, like the eye contact was just insane.

Maybe I can hear the dripp between your legs.

Well, for most of the day was actually we weren't really speaking. We were like just looking at each other and like laughing.

Like, yes, say something, then.

Concentrate.

Okay, excuse me, what are you thinking?

Yes?

Nothing, life. No, You're a really good one to end with that, because you're like I would, I would see you again.

I'll see you again.

Of course you're only human.

Those long pauses of sexual tension. What you're thinking twenty second pause, not much you think about.

Yeah, So what happened? Yeah, was then so we took up mics off, and then we like went into the bit outside and then we started getting with each other. But then we both you see, such good kiss, unbelievably good kiss. But he also says I'm an amazing kisser, which is so nice.

I love that I'm a great kiss I really myself.

Oh my god, be in prison.

Maybe.

How can you be bad at kissing? You've never listened. You've never listened, that's literally it is. And you also have no instinct because kissing is all about instinct. Is that you just like received you know what I mean, You're just like it's two people anyway, So we were like kissing. It was so fucking hot, and then we both had plans somewhere to go and then but I got his number and then he left and then I was like a bit drunk. We had like three drinks.

He was like it was.

Actually the most you've actually said that entire day.

And then he was like you're already, Like when can I see you? And I was like, well, what are you doing later tonight? Like I had a dinner and then he came around and yeah, and then we had amazing sex. Oh I shagged the last date we shagged. We got with each other like there and then.

But sometimes that's nice though, sometimes has to step into a date and be there like oh we're sucking.

But it's it's a challenging process because then you're like you're in a relationship, but it's also fine. But as it's like happened since, it's actually been so nice for me because I really like hanging out with someone knowing that there's never going to be any pressure of like what is this.

Ye yeah, because I was like dating doesn't have to be defined love exactly, connection exactly. Because I had this thing like I was out recently and it's like dirty little gay bar, like so grubby, and there was this guy like looking at me, like giving me the eye, but he was with another man, And for some reason in my head, when I see that, I narrate being like always with someone, I don't think, oh, in the queer world, it could be like maybe a three, so

Hand stecked out.

Oh thank god, because you know life is good, live, left, love love. The worst part I having gone Reea is learning how to spell gonnery when textperies to.

Say possible, it's arif you have to google it every time and is right, gone girl, gone gone, I'm gone.

I've got gone, get yourself checked. Gone girl.

But but no, it's nice to step into something and know it is what it is and you.

Know what it is. I think that's what's been really nice because I feel like my issue in the past has always been like either things accelerate way too fast and I encourage that and often I'm the source of that, or I get really really freaked out because I'm like, oh my god, I feel like so much pressure of like are we gonna is this gonna like accelerate and suddenly we're gonna be together? Or like am I going to like put them off? But there's zero pressure on

Maybe you've found the thing that is in your life right now.

It's teaching me something. At the moment, I can't quite like articulate what it is, but I feel like it's meant to have happened.

Wow, spiritual, so spiritual. I was supposed to be dicked down by this guy in an open relationship. Thank you, Universe, Thank you.

I manifested after twenty seven dates.

Twenty seven dates. I don't think I've been on twenty seven dates my entire life.

It was a really nice way to end because you know, like I've already said, it's a nice thing for me because at the moment, I don't know really what is I'm looking for in general, Like I feel super confused about whether or not I want to commit to someone again just yet. I still feel like I have more work to do on myself. But I feel like this is a really good sign because I'm challenging myself by going on dates and like shagging someone who's like in

Yeah, I think that was interesting as well. I'd go on dates to different types of people to expand that scope as well, to be like, oh, really normally go for this person, but let me see, because sometimes I think dating is like you bringing your life and someone brings someone out's life experience together. And if you're constantly going with someone who's like quite similar to you or like the same sort of jobs or whatever, like they're

I mean like yeah, it opens your mind up and very like it's enriching. It is enriching. And I always think like every experience you have, like every day everyone likes sound whatever, you always get something from it, whether it's a story or like whether they play a song

Of my life.

So I know it's been trials and tribulations, ups and downs and like quite intense at points to date so many people, but like, have you enjoyed it?

Well, firstly, thank you for helping me, you know, make sense of a lot of it and making it fun and bringing you know, like a fun side to it, because some of it's been really quit it's tenuous.

The word like yeah, yeah, that's the best thing about dating, right, is like be able to chat to your mate about it, well.

Exactly, It's like that's almost the funnest part about dating is then being able to go and debrief the day. Like I always feel like when I go on a date and then the next day I don't have time to send a voice note to the girls, I'm like, fuck, I can't forget. I have to tell them like everything that happened. I've enjoyed the process. I feel like I've

Yeah you hang out again.

Yeah.

I think there's definitely something like gems in there. There's some gems and there's some absolutely seeming flaming parts of turns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well listen, I got three hours seat last night because I was shagging. There we go number twenty eight.

And the thing is when he first originally came to this production company. You're like, I want to make a podcast, and beneath that you were like, I just need them to help me fox them up.

Yeah, And actually I got some really good sex out of this.

And that's at the end of the day. Who goes back creating anything else?

On Eddie, Eddie.

A little dog every single day. The mic, the mic working in the mind.

When it started, she was about that big and now it's finished and she's a full blown slot.

She's squatting another dog's faces and I listen, I can be proud of you.

I'm so proud of you. Hey, thank you. I'm talking to the dog race. It's not you the dog. I'm so proud of the dog. I'm so proud of you.

Around for me, I'm a savoy. Can it are you giving.

Me?

Twenty eight Days Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from Novel, visit novel Dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell, with help from Roz Pursu and Dan White. The producer is Diggrey Waite. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are mithillly Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of development novel